Captured Memory #60

It's not spring yet

I've decided that -20° is just too freaking cold.
I love Iowa.
I love that we REALLY experience seasons.  No half measures for us, no siree!

When we have a season we know it's here.
But -20°?!

I guess it works.  I'm not confusing the last day of February with spring.  LOL

Daily Reading

Only with winter patience can we bring The deep desired, long-awaited spring.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Family life requires patience. We probably realized that a long time ago. The Greek origin of the word patience is pathos, which means "suffering." In our lives together, we often suffer. Life is full of bumps and scrapes, both physical and emotional. In our search for greater family unity and harmony we need to realize that we will not be able to escape all suffering. This is why we need patience. It is a form of love. When we suffer the bumps and scrapes and still have faith something good will come of it, we are living out our love. From this winter- patience we will surely find a reward.

Daily reading

If you find a flaw in someone else it means that you first found the flaw in yourself, otherwise you would not have recognized it.

Forgiveness is the way to true health and happiness. By not judging, we release the past and let go of our fears of the future. In so doing, we come to see that everyone is our teacher and that every circumstance is an opportunity for growth in happiness, peace and love.

–Gerald G. Jampolsky

TFTD

 of us lived in situations where it wasn’t okay to identify, have, or talk about problems. Denial became a way of life – our way of dealing with problems

In recovery, many of us still fear problems. We may spend more time reacting to a problem than we do to solving it. We miss the point; we miss the lesson; we miss the gift.  Problems are a part of life. So are solutions.

A problem doesn’t mean life is negative or horrible. Having a problem doesn’t mean a person is deficient. All people have problems to work through.

Today, we learn to focus on solving our problems. First, we make certain the problem is our problem. If it isn’t, our problem is establishing boundaries. Then we seek the best solution. This may mean setting a goal, asking for help, gathering more information, taking an action, or letting go.

It does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; it means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we’re not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we’ll grow in necessary ways in the process.

Face and solve today’s problems. Don’t worry needlessly about tomorrow’s problems, because when they appear, we’ll have the resources necessary to solve them.

Springlike Thoughts....

TFTD

 The soul would have no rainbow

Had the eyes no tears.

– John Vance Cheney

That familiar tightening in the throat, the welling of tears behind the eyes, and deep emotional pain are all signs of an intense need to cry. Why do we try so hard to be “brave little soldiers” and not cry when our bodies are screaming for release?

If we hide behind false smiles and continue to keep the well of emotion untapped, eventually that well will go dry. Deprived of this natural outlet, our minds and bodies exhaust themselves as they battle tension and stress. We lose our ability to express ourselves emotionally. There may be no more opportunity for tears. Tears cleanse and allow other emotions to move in and take over until we need to cry again.

Crying releases me and gives me the freedom to experience my full range of feelings.

Reminder to self: Tomorrow is "Inconvenience Yourself Day"

"You know those days when you just can’t be bothered to get out of bed? Well, Inconvenience Yourself Day (on 2/25/15) is not one of them. So, put on your happy face and go out there and be nice!
The concept may have originated from Ms. Julie Thompson and it was meant to serve as an incentive for others to acknowledge their appreciation for acquaintances or strangers and to promote a respectful attitude and an attentive demeanour.

We can all celebrate by simply opening a door for an old lady, giving up a seat to a pregnant lady, helping a child cross the street, stopping to ask if a tourist is lost and needs directions, offering to carry a suitcase up the stairs and generally making a small sacrifice. But most of all, we have to reflect on what others need and how we can help. It can make a big difference!"

:-)

I'm ready!!!!

Fairy Thought

The time of discipline began. Each of us the pupil of whichever one of us could best teach what each of us needed to learn.

–Maria Isabel Barreno

"When the pupil is ready, the teacher appears." Life's lessons often come unexpectedly. They come, nevertheless, and they come according to a time frame that is Divine. As we grow emotionally and spiritually, we are readied for further lessons for which teachers will appear. Perhaps the teacher will be a loving relationship, a difficult loss, or a truant child. The time of learning is seldom free from pain and questioning. But from these experiences and what they can teach us, we are ready to learn. As we are ready, they come.

We all enjoy the easy times when the sailing is smooth, when all is well, when we are feeling no pain. And these periods serve a purpose. They shore us up for the lessons which carry us to a stronger recovery, to a stronger sense of ourselves. To understand that all is well, throughout the learning process, is the basic lesson we need to learn. All is well. The teacher is the guide up the next rung of the ladder.

Captured Memory #59

Daily Reminder

When people with a compulsive disorder do whatever it is they are compelled to do, they are not saying they don't love you – they are saying they don't love themselves.

—Codependent No More

Gentle people, gentle souls, go in love.

Yes, at times we need to be firm, assertive: those times when we change, when we acquire a new behavior, when we need to convince others and ourselves we have rights.

Those times are not permanent. We may need to get angry to make a decision or set a boundary, but we can't afford to stay resentful. It is difficult to have compassion for one who is victimizing us, but once we've removed ourselves as victims, we can find compassion.

Our path, our way, is a gentle one, walked in love – love for self, love for others. Set boundaries. Detach. Take care of ourselves. And as quickly as possible, do those things in love.

Ignore the finger and just go "awwww...."

Sleeping with Shamu on the car ride home.

Shamu and The Bug will return soon!!

They promised!!

Oh yes....

Lucky me. I got reminded this morning in a daily reading:

"Recovery does not mean immunity or exemption from problems; recovery means learning to face and solve problems, knowing they will appear regularly. We can trust our ability to solve problems, and know we’re not doing it alone. Having problems does not mean our Higher Power is picking on us. Some problems are part of life; others are ours to solve, and we’ll grow in necessary ways in the process."

I don't think I believed I was exempt from life's problems.
I do think I'd convinced myself that the femur fracture, followed by chronic pain had provided me with the "lessons" and growth my Creator had in mind for me.
Changed work site after 25 years, changed job responsibilities, changed lifestyle.....LETTING other people help me (always a tough one for me).

It would appear G-d had more in store for me than I considered given tossing in the "senile osteoporosis" diagnosis.
I just WISH He'd quit confusing me with Superwoman! LOL!

Lego Joy

Fairy Diddy

"Three things in human life are important. The first is to be kind. The second is to be kind. And the third is to be kind."

–Henry James

Fairy thoughts

Keep your heart open, even when you can't have what you want.

It's easy to keep our heart open to life's magic and all its possibilities when we have what we want. It's more of a challenge, and more necessary than ever, to keep our hearts open when we can't have what we want.

Even on the best journey, things happen. Plans change. Things shift and move around. This shifting and moving causes doors to close, relationships to end, blocks and frustrations to appear on our path. For now, that is what we see. For now, what we know is disappointment. We can't have what we want, and it hurts. When that happens, our tendency may be to shut down, close our hearts, forget all we've learned.

Keep your heart open anyway. Consciously choose to do that. Yes, you can go away, you can leave, you can shut down, but you don't need to. Now is a turning point. If you choose to open your heart, even when you can't have what you want, miracles will unfold.

Fairy Reminder

-"Also ask your heart to purify and cleanse this defect and harmful desire. Ask also the help of the inner father and mother. Every time we eliminate a defect, we build our soul, our inner temple. We ascend. like going up a stairway."

–Willaru Huayata, QUECHUA NATION, PERU

The building blocks to knowledge and wisdom are constructed through the lessons of our character defects if we constructively review our conduct each day, asking where we are resentful, selfish, dishonest, or afraid. Remember, we need to review constructively, not destructively. Destructive review is when we ask, "what's the matter with me anyway." or "how could I be so stupid?" These question lead to morbid reflection or remorse and seriously affect our self esteem. In constructive review we ask, "what will I do next time?" With constructive review we progressively eliminate the defect and replace it with wisdom. rather than Self-Condemnation is the way to inner peace and mature conscience.

Grand.....

"Atypical low- energy and low trauma fractures of the shaft have been reported by patients receiving....blahblablah"

Gee, sounds like a bad plan given I just had a fracture in that area!

But the doc tells me that's 1/100,000.  She also tells me the odds of me getting another fracture is far greater--that's a comforting fact.
I really don't want a replay of the last two years.....ever.

Dunno that I can make that happen, but I know odds are I won't if I bury my head in the sand and pretend none of this is happening.
I love denial.  I love getting so busy that I "forget" this kinda stuff.
I wanna do that.  But I know it's a bad plan.

Besides, I have vitamins up the whazoo to take, blood tests to do and do again....so it's not like I CAN get to that "forgot it!" place.

So.  I'll take the vitamins, do the bloodwork and research.
She won't even treat me if me levels don't go up.

Have I ever been a fan of dairy stuff?
Nope.
*sigh*  More lifestyle changes.
More pills to freaking take.
More stuff for that itty bitty ***tty committee to mess with my head about....  Like freaking out over new pains in my thigh...

Daily Reminder

The only limitations on you are the ones you've placed on yourself. Your prison has been of your own making. Don't blame or chastise yourself. Life has created certain challenges for you. The purpose has been to set you free, to provide you with lessons, experiences, circumstances that would trigger growth and healing. Life has been provoking, promoting, urging you to grow, stretch, learn, heal. Life has been trying to break you out of your prison.

Set yourself free. Let yourself go on a journey of love. Take notes. Be present. Experience. Learn. Love and laugh, and cry when you need to. Rest when you're tired. Take a flashlight to help you see in the dark. But most of all, take yourself and go.

Captured Memory #58

Things That Make Me Happy......

....the "Choose Joy" pennant banner I made for my work area.

....being able to send a card to a struggling friend.

....my ever faithful car that's taken me back and forth to work safely.

....the doc's nurse--she's always got a smile going on.

....red sunsets 

....chopped salad, the kind with cabbage in it.

....the pretty Valentine's cards.

TFTD

When one door closes another one opens. Sometimes we jump out that door voluntarily. Sometimes we're pushed.

Feel your fear, then let it go. Dread is just a prejudice against the future. After having examined all the probabilaties and possibilities, we decide ahead of time that we're going to have the worse experience possible. So let go of dread,too.

Fidget if you must. Ask yourself what you're doing here. Then walk to the door and give the count. See how much fun it can be when you jump into the unknown and feel the rush of being fully alive.

TFTD

You've got to get up every morning with a smile on your face, And show the world all the love in your heart, Then people gonna treat you better. You're gonna find, yes, you will, That you're beautiful as you feel.

–Carole King

"Act as if." There's magic in behaving the way we want to be, even though we don't yet feel it. The behavior seems to lead the way. The attitude, the mental state, follows.

Many days we may not get up with love in our hearts for our family, our friends, our co-workers. We may, in fact, want them to show their love for us first. But if we reach out, give love unconditionally; focus on another's needs, love will return tenfold. And the act of loving them will lift our own spirits. We will know love; we will feel love for ourselves and the many other persons close to us.

The attitude we cultivate, whether one of love or selfishness, inferiority or superiority, will determine how the events of our lives affect us. The principle is so simple. If we meet life with love, with a smile, we'll find love and something to smile about.

Captured Memory#58

Thought for Today

In human relationships, closeness and warmth only occur when we ask about one another . . . when we seek to know how we can help one another. Until we ask, we will never know.

– Bernard S. Raskas

Who are our close friends? We should cherish friendships and protect them as vigorously as we would a newborn infant.

When a friend comes to us needing our help, we are forced into making a decision. One choice — abandonment — means we lose a friend. The other option means that the question, "What can I do to help you?" is no longer rhetorical, it is a commitment to helpfulness. We may even have to put ourselves at risk, especially emotionally,

Darn kid.....

I will cross my finger, toes, (eyeballs) and everything crossable --and pray and hope for The Girl.

Nice....call to get together after the Bug's dentist appointment so I can see them and deliver Valentine's Day things for her Royal Bugness.....and tell me how sick you've been cuz that's what morning sickness does for a person.
Yes.....pregnant.

Why she does this, I do not know!
Bug happened directly after treatment for  cancer when she was told not to rush out and get pregnant.....  NOW they take an ovary and say the same flipping THING....  Yup, having another pregnant moment!

Mind you, we had a brief pregnant moment, inbetween (prior to the ovary deal) that resulted in loss.

Oy.......

She IS her mother's defiant, mouthy, belligerent child--she just does it in a much quieter, softer, more manipulative way.....  

Darn kid.

Crossing fingers, toes (eyeballs!) and everything I have to cross.....and praying.
Bug will be an awesome big sister.


(Not to mention that yours truly can rock the house down being the Nana....)
:-/

Captured Memory #57

O.M.G.

Holy smokes.  I've officially had a WordPress experience.  I logged in to my account that I hadn't logged in to for ages.
It took over my whole browser.
Suddenly I had this reader and links and stuff that I couldn't get rid of.
I couldn't log out.
Mind you, I could sign out which apparently only disallows some functions.
The browser still had everything there.  You just had to sign in to use some things.
Admittedly, I panicked.  I wanted control of my browser.....NOW.  There were THINGS at the top that didn't belong there.  My poor browser no longer belonged to ME, it belonged to THEM.  
I frantically tried some investigation of the settings and when I finally found "delete account" I chose it.


HOLY MOLY!!!


I think I need a shot of tequila and a cigarette!




.....k........




I'll settle for a refill of coffee and a step outside for fresh air.

Daily Reminder

It is fortunate that we can think in secret, because our thoughts would quickly get us in trouble if others could read them. In our thoughts, we can choose what we wish to reveal to others before we speak or act.

In the long run, however, we do not really conceal our true thoughts and feelings. The nature of our thoughts shapes our character and becomes part of us. It even affects our appearance. It is not difficult at all to identify people who are fearful, angry, or jealous.

This process has its good side, because kind thoughts and feelings also affect our appearance, and in positive ways. Norman V. Peale wrote that "God runs a beauty parlor," meaning that plain people with gracious thoughts tend to become more attractive as years wear on.

We need not fear our own thoughts and feelings if we are continuing to work on growing. As the years stretch out, we will be improving our thoughts and feelings, and this will tell others what doing the work is doing for us and through us.

Fishing Fairy....

Off The Hook

We can learn not to get hooked into unhealthy, self-defeating behaviors in relationships – behaviors such as caretaking, controlling, discounting ourselves, and believing lies.

We can learn to watch for and identify hooks, and choose not to allow ourselves to be hooked.

Often, people do things consciously or without thinking that pulls us into a series of our self-defeating behaviors we call codependency. More often than not, these hooks can be almost deliberate, and the results predictable.

Someone may stand before us and hint or sigh about a problem, knowing or hoping that hint or sigh will hook us into taking care of him or her. That is manipulation.

When people stand around us and hint and sigh about something, then coyly say, "Oh, never mind, that's not for you to worry about," that's a game. We need to recognize it. We're about to get sucked in, if we allow that to happen.

We can learn to insist that people ask us directly for what they want and need.

What are the words, the signs, the looks, the hints, and the cues that hook us into a predictable and often self-defeating behavior?

What makes you feel sympathy? Guilt? Responsible for another?

Our strong point is that we care so much. Our weak point is that we often underestimate the people with whom we're dealing. They know what they're doing. It is time we give up our naive assumption that people don't follow agendas of their own in their best interest, and not necessarily in ours.

We also want to check ourselves out. Do we give out hooks, looks, hints, hoping to hook another? We need to insist that we behave in a direct and honest manner with others, instead of expecting them to rescue us.

If someone wants something from us, insist that the person ask us directly for it. Require the same from us. If someone baits the hook, we don't have to bite it.

Fairy Reading

Be a thermostat

There's a thermometer on my back porch. It tells me when it's hot enough to go for a swim.

Inside the house, there's a thermostat. The thermostat not only tells us how hot or cold it is, but will actually do something about it as well. If the temperature gets too warm, the thermostat tells the air conditioner to cool off the house. If it gets too cool, the thermostat tells the heater to warm things up a bit.

Which are you? Are you a thermometer– only reflecting the attitudes of those around you? Or are you a thermostat– determining your own course of action and following through with it? Thermometer people often know where they are; they just don't do anything about it. I'm stuck in this relationship. I'm really angry, resentful, and upset. Thermostat people are aware of where they are,too. They just choose to do something about it, as well. I'm in this relationship, and I will do everything that I can to improve it. But if necessary, I will walk away from it.

Being a thermostat means we take appropriate action to take care of ourselves.

Thought for Today

What do you want?

Imagine walking up to the counter at the local fast-food restaurant and asking if they had your order ready. "What order?" the counterperson would ask. "Did you phone one in?" "No, but I thought you might have something for me behind the counter anyway."

It's absurd, you might say. How could I expect them to have food ready for me when I hadn't yet placed my order.

Exactly. And how can you expect the magic of the universe to start bringing you the things and experiences that you want for your life if you haven't named them yet?

Have you placed an order yet? Maybe you thought about it at the beginning of the year, but put it off until you had more time to think about it. And every day you wake up and stand at the counter of life asking, "What do you have for me?"

If you haven't asked for anything, you may have to settle for whatever life hands your way. Why not take the time to ask? You don't have to be too specific, just ask for what you want. Want adventure? Put it on the list. Want love? Write it down. There is no guarantee that you'll get everything you request. Life may have other plans for you. But you'll never know whether you can get what you want unless you know what that is, and ask for it first.

Ever Protecting

From the New Fairy

Self-Understanding rather than Self-Condemnation is the way to inner peace and mature conscience.

– Joshua Loth Liebman

We can be committees of one, single-handedly striving to show others, by example, that having a chronic medical problem need not keep us out of the mainstream of life. Our health difficulties may heighten our awareness of the value of life, of other people, and of ourselves.

We can hold our heads up high and go out in public. In this way, we refuse to let our diminished health subdue us. By being comfortable with ourselves, smiling at passers-by, and not complaining, we can create an aura of strength and self-assurance. Doing this can challenge and inspire others, and – more importantly — it can do the same for us.

It's difficult sometimes to leave the security of my home. The more I understand my fears, the easier it is to go out among other people.

Captured Memory #56

Things that make me happy....

....phone calls from newcomers asking if they can ride with me to a meeting.

....pretty coloured paper that I can use on a new paper project.

....the eagle that flew over my car....two days in a row.  He's now become MY eagle.  :-/

....the apologetic nurse who felt bad that I was (literally) paying for someone else's cockup.

....talking with The Bug on speaker phone cuz grandad "made" her talk to me.  LOL

....the really responsive HR gal who's sent on email after email about options for treatment for osteoporosis.

...the Girl being a snarky butt, reminding me this new issue isn't really surprising, given what's been done to my body--so "no point whining about it".  LOL. She IS her mother's child!

....oh...and the really cool Valentine's I got in the mail!!  :-)

Fairy Thought

 Your body isn’t a bother; it’s an ally. Your body knows what it needs, and what your soul needs,too.

Tune in to your body. Listen. On those days when your body is adjusting, regrouping, shifting because you’re growing and healing emotionally and spiritually, let it do that. Don’t ignore it. Don’t force it. Be gentle. Recognize its nuances. Ask it what it needs. Juice? Vitamins? Rest? Exercise? Let it tell you. Then go easy. Do tasks that are easier, that seem to fit what you can handle that day.

After a growth spurt, our body works diligently to flush the toxins released when emotions are cleansed and healed. After a day, week, or month of intense personal growth, our body is tired from flushing through so many emotions, going through so many changes. To deny the body’s connection to our growth, to push it when it needs rest, is denying the importance and impact of the work you’re doing.

By taking time to honor the body, to honor its shifts and needs, it will be there for you in a way it has never been before. Rest and care will help it come back to center quickly. You will have the benefit of a healed spirit and a body that was allowed to adjust and adapt to that healing process. You will be honoring the oneness of body, mind, and soul. You will be honoring your newfound connection.

Captured Memory #55

Today's Reminder

 We learn to do something by doing it. There is no other way.

–John Holt

“I’m an armchair adventurer,” I’ve heard more than one person say. This means that they never actually go out and do anything. They let others take all the risk. Through books, they’ve climbed Mount Everest, sailed around the world, hiked the Pacific Crest Trail, and snowshoed to the South Pole. They were even able to tell me all about how to fly a plane before my first lesson.

It’s one thing to spend our time reading books or listening to lectures about how to do this or that– how to have a successful relationship, how to build a business, how to live life more fully, whatever comes after how to. The trick is to finally put the books down, walk away from the lecture, and do it. Getting information, support, and encouragement is helpful. Necessary,too. But life was meant to be lived, not studied. The only way that you’ll have a successful career, relationship, or hobby is to go out and get one for yourself.

Daily Reminder

Let go of your plans

Letting go can feel so unnatural. We work hard for a promotion, a relationship, a new car, a vacation. Then the universe has the gall to come along and mess up our plans. How dare it! And so, rather than opening ourselves to the experiences that await us, we hold on to the plans that we made for ourselves. Or we hold on to bitterness about our plans going awry.

Sometimes losing our dreams and plans for our future can hurt as much as losing a tangible thing. Sometimes accepting and releasing our broken dreams is part of accepting a loss.

Let go of your expectations. The universe will do what it will. Sometimes your dreams will come true. Sometimes they won’t. Sometimes when you let go of a broken dream, another one gently takes its place.

Be aware of what is, not what you would like to be, taking place.

Let go of your expectations and accept the gifts that you are given each day, knowing that there is beauty and wonder in each act of life.

Daily Thought

"Our true enemies, as well as our true sources of strength, lie within.”
–Willaru Huayta, QUECHUA NATION, PERU

A long time ago, the Creator put inside the human being the secrets to the laws of life. We usually know this is true even though we may not know what these laws are. If something goes wrong with our lives, we usually fix the blame on something outside of ourselves. We tend to give up accountability. One way or another we say, “It’s not my fault.” We need to realize that all permanent and lasting change starts on the inside and works its way out. If it’s meant to be, it is up to me.

Captured Memory #54

TFTD

It's easy to be negative about past mistakes and unhappiness. But it is much more healing to look at ourselves and our past in the light of experience, acceptance, and growth. Our past is a series of lessons that advance us to higher levels of living and loving.

The relationships we entered, stayed in, or ended taught us necessary lessons. Some of us have emerged from the most painful circumstances with strong insights about who we are and what we want.

Our mistakes? Necessary. Our frustrations, failures, and sometimes-stumbling attempts at growth and progress? Necessary too.

Each step of the way, we learned. We went through exactly the experiences we needed to, to become who we are today. Each step of the way, we progressed.

Is our past a mistake? No. The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.

Captured Memory #53

Breathe...

When it all gets overwhelming....

Breathe, Mel.
Go to that place of peace.

Yesterday's diagnosis should have been no surprise.
The bone density test came back with a 'T-score' that made osteoporosis official.
I have choices about my treatments.
But they don't have to be made today.

I won't be doing toe-touches.
And I'm stocked up on the right kind of calcium tablets.
We can talk lifestyle changes and dietary changes another day.
Odd ... lt's not my brain that's revolting from it all.....it's my body.
Tonight, after a cluster**** concerning my primary pain medications which I resolved by circumventing the insurance companies, after all that other STUFF....I just need PEACE.

I need to breathe and just go to that peaceful place so I can heal from all the drama.
Too much drama...



Ohhh yes.......how could I forget!!

   |
   |
  V

When the world doesn't measure up to our expectations, it's often our expectations that need adjusting, not the world. 



Tyvm fairies....  :-/

Daily Reading

There are days when some of us wallow in self-pity. It's easy to do. We may have expectations about how our lives should be, expectations that aren't always met. Maybe we've tried unsuccessfully to control someone, or we think our circumstances should be different. Perhaps we've compared ourselves with others and found ourselves lacking. The more we try to make our life conform to our expectations, the more uncomfortable we feel. Self-pity can arise from living in our expectations instead of in the world as it actually is.

When the world doesn't measure up to our expectations, it's often our expectations that need adjusting, not the world. We can start by comparing our lives today with the way they used to be, developing gratitude for our growth. We can extend this exercise in gratitude by counting the good things in our lives, becoming thankful that the world does not conform to our expectations but exceeds them. And

by further cultivating gratitude and acceptance, what we can expect in the future is more growth, more happiness, and more peace of mind

Winter Wonderful

Daily Reading

Many of us have felt so insecure, so poor, or so much the underdog that we made a fervent promise to ourselves that we'd come out on top later. We know how weak we felt, and that image continues to be our guiding force long after the weakness was overcome. We may have spiritual problems because we are blind to the reality of our present life. While grasping for more security, more love, more money, or trying to lose more weight or attract more friends, we fail to stop and realize the real rewards we already have today. We are driven by the memory of pain and insecurity, rather than rising above it and relating to the higher principles and people around us. Getting more control or more achievements does not solve our spiritual problems, but by making peace with the fact that life is insecure does.

Captured Memory #52

Ramblings

This is more than a bit nuts....this is insane.

Two freaking shots in the wrist which, come to think of it, IS better....

A trip to a new pain specialist who had no idea why I was there cuz it was just a clustered mess so he sent me home with a script for narcotics....wasn't that kind.

A trip to my normal pain doc who got called away to translate in the ER so I saw yet another different doc who is releasing me back to my primary care physician cuz I'm improved and stable on my current medications which is why she discontinued an 'as needed' pain medication ... oh, and of course I didn't need it cuz I rarely used it (or refilled it) and didn't I tell her I JUST got a script from another physician for narcotics...(insert a blank stare!).  I'll be getting a visit from the DEA some time next week, I'm sure.

AND tomorrow I go for a bone density scan, though I'm not sure why cuz my ortho surgeon told me I had osteopenia cuz the bazillion xrays they took of my leg said so.....but it'll be good fun to expose myself to more radiation just for kicks.

I'd toss something in the air and walk off, but alas, all I have is the notebook.....and the sound of that flying into the air wouldn't even come close to the sound of fluttering papers.

Oh....and it's cold.

And it's too late to have a cuppa hot cocoa with marshmallows.

But it's NOT too late to have a marshmallow or two.
OR three....

Fairy Diddy

Rivalry is not good for us. It leads us to forget our own unique qualities. We each are the best person in the world at one thing: being ourselves. When we compete, we need to retain a balanced perspective and to think well of ourselves whether we win or lose. We run the best race we can; therefore, let us not regard others as rivals. They are our sisters and brothers, and they, too, are doing the best they can.

Inflation

"Der tuth fare

I wud like 10 dolers"

Five year olds know how to work it.  LOL

TFTD

Why do you feel guilty when you're doing what you've been led to do?

That nagging, gnawing feeling of guilt is leftovers– leftovers from another period when we didn't love ourselves. It's left over from another time when we didn't trust ourselves. Left over from another place when we didn't know life could be fun, easy, natural, and joy could be ours.

Feeling guilty and anxious about that new thing you're doing, that new place you're going, that new adventure you're on is part of your resistance to the lesson. Part of your shying back from the idea that you can truly, absolutely, and fundamentally love yourself and enjoy all parts of your life.

Soon you will see that you've been led to the very place you're at right now. The very thing you are feeling guilty and anxious about is the very thing you've been led to do to take you on your next adventure.

Life is abundant. We can bask in self-love and the healing resources around us. Our movements, our activities, our days and hours and nights can flow easily. Naturally. And we can do the things we're led to do without feeling guilty.

TFTD

Relax. Savor this moment,too. Stop trying to fill it up. You're in the void, that magical place from which all creation arises. Breathe the air, look at the flowers, feel the sun. Or build a fire to keep you warm. There's no need to be frightened of this place; there's nothing you need to do. Keep walking your path, and the creative way will become clear to you soon.

Captured Memory #51

Snowing and blowing

If I were a snow drift, I 'd wanna be across someone's driveway.

Granted, I'd have a bit of a struggle cuz people would wanna move me.....But I'd endeavor to try to recreate myself.

I'd let the wind take me where it would to shape me into something it had in mind...
I'd be stretched and broadened--clean and brilliant in the gray or sun.  I'd show myself as a part of the universe, unabashedly revealing my purpose and beauty.  I'd be an example of a great plan being fulfilled.

(And maybe a teensy bit of me would wanna be annoying cuz I'm kinda like that but STILL---)  I'd wanna persevere to be THE best snowdrift I could be in the circumstances I was given.
Nothing gianormous, I'd wanna be just one of many difts.
But in the lives of those I touched, their driveway or not, I'd be BIG and IMPRESSIVE, if even for that moment.
I'd be the kinda drift people take note of.
The ordinary drift that still makes people say "Whoa.....now THAT is a snowdrift.."


Right....
Me.
Snow angel!!

And I'll celebrate the existence of the (now) 3' drift across the drive that the snow blower will move to a new location.


Now THAT is a snowdrift.

:-)

Daily Reminder

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it’s not that bad; we shouldn’t be so demanding; it’ll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn’t annoy us; the other person didn’t really mean it; it doesn’t hurt; maybe it’s just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain – our right to feel it and do something about it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren’t crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don’t have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don’t have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we’ve set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings – as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.