QOTW 4/30

Name one thought that went through your mind today

ONE?!

Oy geeze.....

One.

".....'Forever Unselfish'....Yep-- I'm SURE that's what she meant when she wrote 'F-U' on that piece of paper. Certainly she didn't mean 'Fu#* You'....that woulda been 'F-Y'......."

Post #925

No foolin'.
And I don't keep track--that dashboard thingy when you 'log in' does though.

925?

I gotta wonder what I've gone on about for 925 posts. And I'm a bit worried. G-d help me if I decide to actually go looking to find out. LOL

Do I re-read what I post?
Nope.
I'm pretty certain there are repeats of nonsensicle facts of "life with Mel" lurking in the archives. Heck, I can barely remember what happened this morning let alone last week or last year.

(Great. Please, please don't ask what happened this morning--it's too much work at this time of day to figure it out. LOL)

Face it. I come here and put 'fingers to keyboard' and what comes up in black and white.....comes up.
I don't give a whole lot of thought before hitting that 'publish' button.
Now, if my fingers could actually keep UP with my brain I'd be screaming "RUN AWAY!! RUN AWAY!!!!". Heck, I'd probably join the mass exodus and I'd have LOADS of reservations about that 'publish' button.
Yes, my brain scares me sometimes.

But at 925 posts, I'm gonna hope that I'm sometimes focused enough (or have someone pushing/pulling me into a topic) to actually have a train of thought....instead being some locomotive on 'runaway' mode blabbering on about stuff that only makes sense in my own warped little brain.

Oh, who am I foolin'....of COURSE loads of this stuff only makes sense in my own little brain! LOL And I think I'm really, really, REALLY grateful for that! ;-)

925.

Good grief.

OH!
And this morning I worked half a day.
Well, better than half.
But I DID take two hours off!
I count that as progress, dangit!!
For SURE it's progress that I remembered that much at this hour!
Pfffffffttttttt!!!!!! :-P

Balance schmalance....

Balance
The goal is balance.
We need balance between work and play.
We need balance between giving and receiving.
We need balance in thought and feelings.
We need balance in caring for our physical self and our spiritual self.

A balanced life has harmony between a professional life and a personal life.
There may be times when we need to climb mountains at work.
There may be times when we put extra energy into our relationships.

But the overall picture needs to balance.

Yeah, yeah......balance.
*rolling eyes*

Sleeping with Bread

I've taken a shower (which is good--cuz I smelled like the fire I sat in front of for hours) and I'm contemplating curling up in bed with a good book.

I've got a nightly inventory to do, which isn't abnormal for me. It's a part of what I 'do' today. It took a whole lot of practice to get me to put into writing the answers to:
"Were we resentful, selfish, dishonest or afraid?"
Let alone look at: "Do we owe an apology?"
ON top of: "Have we kept something to ourselves which should be discussed with another person at once?"
In addition to: "We were kind and loving towards all?"
Along with: "What could we have done better?"
Not to mention: "Were we busy thinking of ourselves most of the time? Or were we thinking of what we could pack into the stream of life?"
And then there's that added bit: "But we must be careful not to drift into worry, remorse or morbid reflection, for that would diminish our usefulness to others."
And the last piece which is 'required': "After making our review we ask God's forgiveness and ask what corrective measures should be taken."

That's the 'bread' I take with me, every night.
That's the peace at the end of the day, that 'thing' I hold on to which gives me consolation when I close my eyes and end the waking hours.

Now, I'd be the first to confess that these questions haven't always brought me that sense of peace. Truth is--looking at MEMEME wasn't something that filled me with peace. I'da preferred to look at the world around me that was picking on me, setting me up and mistreating me every step of the way. (g'head and imagine the whine--it was loud and long!) I darn sure wasn't responsible for the life I was getting to wade through. Therein lay my biggest desolation. I'm not so sure that wasn't something that didn't NEED to be desolating.
I had to go through the ego desolation to get here, much as I woulda liked to have skipped that part.... And the truth is--the biggest desolation to my ego--was created by me.
Go figure.

Discovering my part in the whole mess wasn't exactly 'fun'.
Small wonder I had loads of difficulty looking at myself, from the neck up, in the mirror.

Wonders of wonders--that very same thing I cursed and bucked forEVER is one of the biggest consolations I have, today.

I'll go to bed feeling square with the world around me.
I'll know what I did well at..I'll know what 'business' I'll need to be taking care of in the morning so it's not sneaking into another day. I'll know what's getting in my way and I can choose to take care of that--or ignore it and have it show up tomorrow evening when I take stock of tomorrow's day. (cuz 'stuff' doesn't just magically 'disappear' in my life......maybe it does in everyone elses......but alas......no such 'luck' here! LOL)

So......shower's done.
And I have that book I'll be reading in the comfort of my bed.
And I have that 'inventory' I'll be putting in writing.
My biggest quandry over doing that inventory today?
Before I read my good novel.......or after. ;-)

Yikes the reading fairies are into heavy duty stuff this morning.....

Often, we can learn much about ourselves from the people to whom we are attracted.
As we progress through life, we learn we can no longer form relationships solely on the basis of attraction.
We learn to be patient, to allow ourselves to take into account important facts, and to process information about that person.
What we are striving for is a healthy attraction to people.
We allow ourselves to be attracted to who people are, not to their potential or to what we hope they are.

The more we work through our issues, the less we will find ourselves needing to work through them with the people we're attracted to. Finishing our business from the past helps us form new and healthier relationships.
The more we overcome our need to be excessive caretakers, the less we will find ourselves attracted to people who need to be constantly taken care of.
The more we learn to love and respect ourselves, the more we will become attracted to people who will love and respect us and who we can safely love and respect.

This is a slow process.
We need to be patient with ourselves.
The type of people we find ourselves attracted to does not change overnight.
Being attracted to unhealthy people can linger long and well.
That does not mean we need to allow it to control us.

The fact is, we will initiate and maintain relationships with people we need to be with until we learn what it is we need to learn - no matter how long we've working towards doing different.
No matter who we find ourselves relating to, and what we discover happening in the relationship, the issue is still about us, and not about the other person.
That is the heart, the hope, and the power of personal growth.

We can learn to take care of ourselves during the process of initiating and forming relationships.
We can learn to go slowly.
We can learn to pay attention.
We can allow ourselves to make mistakes, even when we know better.
We can stop blaming our relationships on God and begin to take responsibility for them.
We can learn to enjoy the healthy relationships and remove ourselves more quickly from the unhealthy ones.
We can learn to look for what's good for us, instead of what's good for the other person.

God, help me pay attention to my behaviors during the process of initiating relationships. Help me take responsibility for myself and learn what I need to learn. I will trust that the people I want and need will come into my life. I understand that if a relationship is not good for me, I have the right and ability to refuse to enter into it - even though the other person thinks it may be good for him or her. I will be open to the lessons I need to learn about me in relationships, so I am prepared for the best possible relationships with people.

More on that darn purple bracelet......

Okay....(cuz I feel a need to tell on myself so I'm accountable somewhere besides with the SOMEONE who called me a chickensh**.....)

THIS is the dilema of the purple bracelet.

Of course...LOL.........I have an arguement for both sides.

Mental health.
*nodding*
In order for me to maintain good mental health--I need to kvetch.
Please note this isn't a WANT, this is a NEED.
It's an outlet, an appropriate means in which to 'defuse' myself and gain perspective.
The 'rules' even SAY I get to kvetch three times and THEN I haffta let it go.
*smirking smuggly*


(yeah, yeah......so far wisepersonimylife ain't buyin' that one either......but it all sounded good, dontchathink?!)

I'm truly a person with a good heart and I don't think 'badly' of folks at first thought.
(OMGosh, I don't believe I put that in print.....pushing 'publish' with it still there will be the REAL test, huh?!)
So it's not like I kvetch a whole lot overall. I play a whole lot--and because I'm a fairly 'centered person', it really is just 'play'.
I don't really have a lot of complaints about this life. Not genuine ones......not ones that nag at me and dictate what I'm going to do or say...those 'things' don't run my life.
And I really can think things in my head and not let them come outta my mouth.
I've had a whole LOT of training on that one.
(oddly enough, those crabby thoughts have whittled themselves away to a mere smidgeon and I often stop and wonder -- 'wait a minute.........where'd that evil, intolerant thinking GO!??'..........)

But.............. I don't WANNA stop whining. LOL

Wisepersoninmylife suggested maybe 21 MINUTES was a goal to shoot for.
(g'head and label him a smartiepants--I did!)
But he might have a point.
21 DAYS?!
O
M
G!!!

But I don't WANNA stop whining....

*please note the bracelet is still on the desk*

(please join me in the pfffffffffftttttttt I gave wisepersoninmylife when called me a 'chickensh**')
(he can be right and STILL get the 'pfffffffffffffftttttttttt'!)

I wonder if taking one's inventory would qualify as complaining about oneself?
Wait!
I could make this work in my favor!!!!!!!!
*plotting the next arguement*

It's not my fault.......

Rubber Ducky, you're the one,

You make bathtime lots of fun,

Rubber Ducky,I'm awfully fond of you

(woh woh, bee doh!)

Rubber Ducky, joy of joys,

When I squeeze you, you make noise!

Rubber Ducky,You're my very best friend, it's true!

(doo doo doo doooo, doo doo)

Every day when I make my to the tubby

I find a little fella who's

Cute and yellow and chubby

(rub-a-dub-a-dubby!)

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine

And I'm lucky that you're mine

Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of you

Every day when I make my to the tubby

I find a little fella who's

Cute and yellow and chubby

(rub-a-dub-a-dubby!)

Rubber Ducky, you're so fine

And I'm lucky that you're mine

Rubber ducky, I'm awfully fond of -

Rubber ducky, I'd like a whole pond of -

Rubber ducky I'm awfully fond of you!

We have baby duckies at the pond! AND baby geesies.

And they're just too darn cute.

They'd be happy in the bathtub, I just know it.

Or a little pool in the back yard!!

I'd give 'em toys and everything! :-)

*nodding*

I'm sure himself would let me keep one...of each....

*humming and going to look for that inflatable pool*

Thoughts for the day

I will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions.--Lillian Hellman

Added to:

Indeed, this need of individuals to be right is so great that they are willing to sacrifice themselves, their relationships, and even love for it. --Reuel Howe

We may have an inner drive to be right - and even to prove we are right. We often have been expected to know about the world and how things work, as if our personal value and honor were tied to knowing.

We should always remember that our honor requires being honest, not being right.

Equals:

Mel practicing.

And practicing.

And practicing some more.

I was cheated!

Ripped off, I tell ya.....

I .............had a stinky day at work.

One crisis after another after another--I got to be the fireman and put out all SORTS of fires today. From displeased attorneys, to a couple disgruntled therapists, to an angry dad or two........to a irate cook. LOL And that's just the grown-up fires. I ain't gonna mention the kiddo 'fires' that I got to manage.

NOR am I going to mention the plans *I* had for getting some 'business' taken care of. Afterall, it was the close of the work week and I had a bazillion things to get completed!

At one point in time I locked myself in the medications room.

But I was smart about it. (g'head and laugh at the deceit, I confessed it.....so pffffftttttt!) Since people make NO bones about entering the medications room but LIKE to be courteous and not enter the room if they know someone's using the adjoining restroom......I went INTO the medication room and then opened and shut the door to the restroom.

Yep. I did.

And stood in the medications room and had a 'moment'.

Yep.....one of 'those' moments.

And then I opened and shut the adjoining restroom door, ran the faucet, pulled papertowels and wadded those up ......and exited the medications room.

THAT'S the kinda day *I* was having!!

Leaving late (go figure....I left when I felt like the fires were manageable) I did manage to finally climb into the chair swing on the patio at 5pm and got a few sips from that warm Coke that I'd been working on drinking since 1o a.m. when I THOUGHT I was in the middle of the chaos. (that's what I get for thinking!)

And the *#^%&# cellphone rang.

Auuuggghhhh!!!

Bless.......it was the girl.

And she JUST needed a moment of my time.......was I at work?

Nope.

Well, good.....cuz she was having a crappy day and she JUST needed a place to puke it all out so she could move on with what was left of the day.

*chuckling*

Oh, she IS her mother's child.

PUKE she did.

Musta been a good thirty minutes worth of kvetching.

Then she was done and calling it good to go.

And........ thanking me for helping her salvage what she'd almost chalked up to a whole DAY of crap.

She's smart like that.

She went 'looking' for the solution.

G-d's smart like that.

He made sure I was off work, on the patio and 'shut up' long enough to get humble....

....so I could LISTEN and get grateful.

I bet He was peeking when I went into the medications room.....

The purple bracelet...

I've worn one of those little rubber bracelets on my wrist now for two years. It's a child's bracelet, so it fit comfortably. (I have a small wrist....isn't that good to know? LOL)

Global Challenge 2004-2005. The girl sailed in it. But she sailed on a different little boat. This one is from team "Save the Children". It fits me. It fits my mission in life.

Part of it's sentimental 'stuff'--I just don't take it off.

I now have a purple bracelet.

A 'gift'....

Ask me the significance in it and I'll probably lie. LOL Liar, cheat and thief, remember?

I shudder to tell.....it'll become fun and games for some folks. I suspect it'll become fun and games for me though it'll get me in BIG trouble.

Like the threat of 'trouble' has ever stopped me?

I hesitate putting it on. LOL

I'm not sure I'm 'ready', let alone 'willing'.

I don't think my sense of humour will endorse it's significance.

(that's my story and I'm stickin' to it!)

Nope.

It's staying on the 'puter desk.

LOLOL

NOT quite where I need to be to take IT (and apparently ME) seriously.

*looking for a place to toss the reading book*

Being able to rely on others now, being willing to ask for help when we need it, may be a bigger problem for us presently than learning to handle our problems on our own when we were younger.

The aging process has made it necessary to sometimes seek the help of others, however.

And that's good.

Even if we don't like the feeling of occasional dependence, others need to be needed once in a while.

We'll all take a turn at this in the days and years ahead.

And we'll be glad for the necessary companionship of others.

How we feel about ourselves now has come from a lifetime of successes and disappointments.

Our interactions with others coupled with our willingness to monitor who we were measured against and who we wanted to be have combined to create our current 'report card'.

I still have time to adjust my character. Today will be ripe with opportunities.

*opening the bedroom door and tossing the book*

AGING process?

RIPE with opportunities?

Oh BOY!

*rolling eyes*

Another fairy moment....

"The horror of that moment," the King went on, "I shall never forget." "You will, though," the Queen said, "if you don't make a memorandum of it."--Lewis Carroll

~*~*~*~*~*

Resentments are sneaky, tricky little things.

They can convince us they're justified.

They can dry up our hearts.

They can sabotage our happiness.

They can sabotage love.

Most of us have been at the receiving end of an injustice at some time in our lives.

Most of us know someone who's complained of an injustice we've done to him or her.

Life can be a breeding ground for resentments, if we let it.

"Yes, but this time I really was wronged," we complain.

Maybe you were.

But harboring resentment isn't the solution.

If it were, our resentment list would resemble the Los Angeles telephone directory.

Deal with your feelings.

Learn whatever lesson is at hand.

Then let the feelings go.

Resentments are a coping behavior, a tool of someone settling for survival in life.

They're a form or revenge.

The problem is, no matter whom we're resenting, the anger is ultimately directed against ourselves.

Take a moment.

Search your heart.

Have you tricked yourself into harboring resentment?

If you have, take another moment and let that resentment go.

Tagged

I can't quite wrap my head around this 'tag you're it' on the internet. LOL I always sucked at tag. Mostly I ran off to modify the game to 'hide and seek'. I'm fighting the urge to make that happen here. LOL I doubt anyone will wonder why once they read what I'm about to write. I can feel it coming...........in my heart of hearts.....

Soooo........without further ado.... The objective is to make the statement, “Real moms ______.” The blank can comprise one word or a million. Posting a picture with the assertion is also an option.

I work with kiddos that come with multifarious family dynamics.
Some have moms in their lives.
Some don't.
Some know their moms.
Some don't.
Some are adopted.
Some come with foster families.
Some have had their moms 'rights' terminated.
Some gave up on their moms.
Some moms gave up on them......

Real moms ___________........
Real moms ___________?

I had a perception of what a 'real mom' was.
I had a perception of what a 'real mom' 'oughta do and be', in the life of a child.


They're all 'real moms'.

The ones that wanna be, that don't wanna be or can't be...or aren't 'allowed'.
They're maybe not the kinda mom that I want to be, in the life of a child.
I certainly didn't, and don't do it perfectly.
I know what I never aspired to be.....

And I know I still ended up being what I never desired to be, in the life of a child.

Real moms ___________?


Real moms love their kiddos in their heart of hearts.
No matter what it looks like to you or me.

Taking a child away doesn't move the love from their heart of hearts.
Drowning themselves in external 'stuff' doesn't move the love from their heart of hearts.
Being deficient in skills, making piss poor decisions--doesn't move that love from their heart of hearts.

They know.











I know.

Stucksongitus

There’s a somebody
I’m longin’ to see
I hope that he,
turns out to be
Someone who’ll watch over me



I’m a little lamb
who’s lost in the wood
I know I could,
always be good
To one who’ll watch over me........



*sigh* What a lovely song to have 'stuck'.......

Trauma does strange things.....

So I'm grabbing a cuppa java from the pot this morning (okay, so it's the second pot--) and I spy Mr. Bunny in the yard, heading for the corn we stick in the ground so he's got a meal awaiting him.

I pound on the window, open it and yell at the rabbit.....

"GO HOME, Mr. Bunny! Run away! Run away!!!!!"

The pounding made him stop--the yelling made him hippity hoppity outta the yard.

I got really sad.
I'd just chased away Mr. Bunny for goodness sakes.
This is the same Mr. Bunny I put the corns out for in the first place.
If you think this is confusing to a me--think about poor Mr. Bunny.

Either I pull up the corns and give up the food offerings for the visitors to our yard, or I find a level of acceptance about that 'circle of life' stuff.

I can still toss things at the cat if he shows up again AND practice acceptance.
I'm special like that.

This, from the reading fairies.....

We must each discover our own truth.

It does not help us if those we love find their truth.
They cannot give it to us.

It does not help if someone we love knows a particular truth in our life.
We must discover our truth for ourselves.
We must each discover and stand in our own light.

We often need to struggle, fail, and be confused and frustrated.
That's how we break through our struggle; that's how we learn what is true and right for ourselves.
We can share information with others.
Others can tell us what may predictably happen if we pursue a particular course.
But it will not mean anything until we integrate the message and it becomes our truth, our discovery, and our knowledge.

There is no easy way to break through and find our truth.
But we can and will, if we want to.

We may want to make it easier.
We may nervously run to friends, asking them to give us their truth or make our discovery easier.

They cannot.

Light will shed itself in its own time.
Each of us has our own share of truth, waiting to reveal itself to us.
Each of us has our own share of the light, waiting for us to stand in it, to claim it as ours.

Encouragement helps.
Support helps.

A firm belief that each person has truth available - appropriate to each situation - is what will help.
Each experience, each frustration, each situation, has its own truth waiting to be revealed.

Don't give up until you find it - for yourself.

Reflection

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue,
An everlasting vision of the ever changing view,
A wondrous woven magic in bits of blue and gold,
A tapestry to feel and see, impossible to hold.--Carole King

"Watchit....."

"It's good you didn't marry me for my money or my hair."

Yep...cuz you have neither. But you did have hair before we were married.

"So I did......."

*frowning*

"Why the frown?"

You gave up more hair today than I gave up when I got my hairs cut....and I don't have any naked places on my head.

"Watchit....."

I remember the first time I cut the fella's hair.

He didn't have that much nakedness to his head.

And I was more than terrified of the buzzy thingy in my hand.

Yesterday--easy peasy.

('Cept he made me show him the attachment was actually ON the buzzy thingy. Yeah, yeah...so ONE TIME I forgot the attachment and made a clean swipe. I concluded he'd look handsome even with a shiney head--he concluded that laughing with me was a gooder plan cuz he darn well didn't want me in tears over it.)

I'm sure the increasing nakeness of his head has nothing to do with me at this point.

Well, it has nothing to do with the buzzy thingy being in my hand. I'm not so sure that increased nakedness on his head has zilch to do with sharing a life with me.....

I've never actually SEEN him pull his hair out over 'life with Mel'.

But I gotta wonder if he does that in the basement when he 'says' he's working on the train layout.

QOTW 4/23

Give me five reasons to want to come to your house.

*shrugs*

I have sidewalk chalk--54 different colours, noless. We can sit on the patio and colour our little hearts out!

And I have this really cool bubble wand that makes HUMUNGOUS bubbles! They float around the garage and freak out people who're walking down the sidewalk. *snickering* We can giggle whole bunches with complete strangers! Well, strangers to you.......

OH! And The Brit makes a realllllllly good cuppa coffee. (And I mean a REALLLLLLLY good cuppa coffee.) He'll talk funny while he's makin' it......he talks funny when he's not makin' coffee. Heck, he just talks funny period. C'mon over--I'll make him say 'garage' and 'bath'. LOLOL

We have leftover double chunk brownies with mint chocolate on the top. I'll nuke it and we'll toss ice cream over it.

AND we have a garden swing on our patio--by the fire pit thingy. We can toss a log in and watch for shooting stars WHILE we're swingin' and eating brownies with ice cream, sipping our coffee after a busy evening of playtime and making The Brit talk. ;-)

What the heck...bring a friend!

Please forgive the naughty word....

But I WANT this post-it notepad.

I sooooooo need one to uncomplicate the complicated.

LOL

Okay.....I'll go to the corner now.

I dont' like cats

The fairies are encouraging 'honesty'.

Honesty it is.

I'm not "fine".

Actually, I'm sad--and a whole lotta 'NOT happy'.

I tried buying time and getting perspective.

I bought time--and now I'm buying an air rifel.

Someone's freaking cat decided to detour through our yard.

I wish I hadn't looked up from the counter where I was working--I really do.

I yelled and ran from the house. Himself came after me.

Too late. Cats run faster than I do.

I wanted the cat to drop Mikey the ground squirrel from it's mouth.

That's all I wanted at that moment in time.

That didn't happen.

'It's the circle of life' is no consolation, even if it is true.

Baby ground squirrels now have no dad.

I spent the evening feeling near sick for having watched it and not being able to stop it from happening....wondering if giving Mikey a false sense of security by befriending him contributed to his demise.

Ack.

Getting misty eyed over a ground squirrel isn't good, huh?

TFTD

Resolve to be thyself; and know that who finds himself, loses his misery.--Matthew Arnold

Our need for approval compels us to try to look good - no matter what's going on.

We imagine that somehow everything will be okay as long as it looks okay.

Our hearts may be breaking from fear, disillusionment, and rejection, real or imagined, but we keep smiling so that no one will guess.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

Is it so hard to turn to a friend and say, "Hey, I'm hurting. I've been having a bad time and I need help"?

Would the earth tremble if we said it right out, just like that?

We're not likely to get what we don't ask for.

Instead of denying that our knees are shaking, our hands are sweating, and our stomachs are in torment, we can admit and share the truth.

We don't have to say "Fine!" when someone asks us how we're doing.

Our real friends aren't impressed by stiff upper lips; they're impressed by personal honesty.

Stolen (thanks for letting me thieve!)

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	8.7
Mind:	8.7
Body:	8.2
Spirit:	10
Friends/Family:	7.5
Love:	9.1
Finance:	7.9
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

Life: Your life rating is a score of the sum total of your life, and accounts for how satisfied, successful, balanced, capable, valuable, and happy you are. The quiz attempts to put a number on the summation of all of these things, based on your answers. Your life score is amazingly high. This means that you are in tune with your needs and on a path toward great personal fulfillment. Despite the challenges of life, you have achieved harmony and balance. Continue doing what you are doing right; do not allow yourself to slip or falter.

Mind: Your mind rating is a score of your mind's clarity, ability, and health. Higher scores indicate an advancement in knowledge, clear and capable thinking, high mental health, and pure thought free of interference. Your mind score is quite high, meaning you possess a high degree of mental clarity, ability, and health. You clearly understand what is required to maintain optimum mental function. Continue doing what works, and avoid pitfalls which may come along

Body: Your body rating measures your body's health, fitness, and general wellness. A healthy body contributes to a happy life, however many of us are lacking in this area. You have a rather good body score, which is an indication that you take care of yourself. There is room for improvement, however. Please keep doing what works. Eat right, exercise, reduce your stress, treat any illness. Doing these things will help ensure your body will be in good working order for a long time to come.

Spirit: Your spirit rating seeks to capture in a number that elusive quality which is found in your faith, your attitude, and your philosophy on life. A higher score indicates a greater sense of inner peace and balance. Your spirit score is dramatic. Continue on your path, do not stray. Continue to reap the rewards which your spirituality brings forth.

Friends/Family: Your friends and family rating measures your relationships with those around you, and is based on how large, healthy, and dependable your social network is. Your friends and family score is quite healthy. You have a social network you can depend upon. Count your blessings, but never forget that these bonds need to be maintained. Keep your friends and family close.

Love: Your love rating is a measure of your current romantic situation. Sharing your heart with another person is one of life's most glorious, terrifying, rewarding experiences. Your love score is very high, which means you are in a very happy situation right now. Do all you can to keep it strong.

Finance: Your finance rating is a score that rates your current financial health and stability. You have a rather good financial score, which is not all that common these days. Keep doing what works. Avoid common pitfalls and save for the future. You will be glad you did.

Go figure the two lowest--Friends/Family and Finances. The three big F's. LOL

Just another Sunday

This was our sky during the morning--lovely day, I gotta say. And if you look real close, you can see the halo around the sun.
It was a grand morning. Coffee on the patio, chattering away, watching birdies and talking with the visitors who popped in.
And then--the insanities began!
What WAS I thinking?!

Laundry.
Cleaned the car.
Cleaned the garage.
Filled four planter boxes with potting soil.
Make that six planter boxes...
Gathered up recyclable stuff.
Mowed the lawn.
Trimmed, of course.
Fed the cats I'm catsitting.
And the bird--geeze that's one noisy cockatiel!
Filled birdie feeders.
Cleaned out the birdy bath.
Watered the 11 new plants. *snickering*
Made beds.
Made dinner (two nights in a row, no less!! -pity the fella yet?) It's baking--it counts.
I've got dessert to get done yet. (don't rush me!) Apple crisp--he'll be a happy little bunny!
Brownies are baked. (got an anniversary for a pigeon tonight--15 years. I'm kinda proud for her.)
And wintery clothes that were hanging around cuz I wasn't 'convinced' that spring had arrived--- got toted to the storage room.

OH! And I cleared out the trunk of my car.
All that wintery emergency 'stuff'......outta there!
And I found a treasure in the trunk!! (that's fitting, dontchathink?)

Duckie ice makers!
And seashell ice makers!!!

.....k......so I got the two different kinds as a prezzie for the sis in California.
But I was darn certain she'd want me to have duckie ice so I strategically purchased two of those!!!!!
Isn't she just the sweetest sis?!

:-D

Sleeping With Bread

It's been a beautiful day.
I'm talking highs in the mid seventies.
And everyone--I mean EVERYone was at the garden store to celebrate.
I'd like to report that I, too, ended up buying a few plants.
*hanging head*
G'head.....I'll hear it when the Brit comes home, too.
He'll be thrilled that they're perennials and no pots will need to be lugged into the garage if there's a threat of frost.
(we'll just be putting blankets over 'em instead..LOL)

I did warn him!

I knew I was taking care of business today--mostly cuz he's working which meant I got handed the errands to do. (blech!)
Haircut.
Groceries. (ick!)
Grease (great chair swing--but it squeaks and himself isn't thrilled!).
Allergy medications. (poor fella.....he gets it bad)
Potting soil.

"And maybe, if there's anything worth picking up and IF the stores even have 'em out yet, which they probably won't cuz it's so early.....a plant.... or two....or three....." :-D

We go through this every year, yaknow.
And every year, I say I'll plant less.
And every year--*wincing* I plant more.
And earlier.

I'm really, really, REALLY grateful I have such a loving fella.
Really.
I'm luckier than lucky. Cuz he lets me putter in the dirt all I like and he laughs as he fusses....cuz he's really not fussing at all, but he has to act like he is--bless his heart.

And I needed to play in dirt......which I did--after I put groceries away. Putting groceries away is just about AS 'un-fun' as picking out the groceries.
Oy geeze.......AND I'll get to make dinner.
Pity the poor fella.

I'm thinkin' I'll start a fire in the firepit and we'll put hotdogs on sticks and burn 'em!
(Yeah, I know "keep thinkin', Mel.....")

Least grateful--for media coverage of horrific moments of fear and pain. And the decision of someone (who thought it was a good plan) to air the tape of the not well 'someone' who created the chaos and pain.
'Nuff said about that.

Did I mention that I'm just darn lucky to be loved like I am?
Did I mention I bought 11 plants?

Cozy.....

Four years in August.
Geeze...where does the time go?
I asked if he's tired of me yet. Sometimes I just haffta ask.
I don't consider myself to be the easiest person to live with.
Funny--he seems to think I am.

And just for the record, this is NOT his log burning.
This is MY fire. *polishing nails and looking smug*

Where was I?
Oh yeah....going on record as NOT being the easiest person to live with! LOL

We watched the fire.
We watched the stars.

And we had a darn good cuppa coffee--courtesy of himself.

Four years....and we're still good to sit by the fire, watch the stars, snuggle under the bear blankie and be awed by the fact that we're in Iowa--sitting by the fire, watching stars and snugglin'.......

*snickering*

Oh. My. Gawd.

<---This..... is what I discovered lurking when I took off the cover to the firepit.
Now, WHAT he's doing with a charred piece of wood sitting on top of sticks--I have no clue.
(please note that the pokery thingy didn't make the piece of wood burn)

*shaking head*
I'm guessing he's got a plan to burn the evidence.
Little does he know I purchased a fire log (or three) that has coloured flames. (yeah, yeah...it sounded pretty, okay?!)

And I'm hiding the pokery thingy AND the charred remains he stacked on top of the sticks.

*shaking head*
I'm guessin' this is how the English build fires. LOLOL
Okay, I'll try really, really hard not to say that to him.....but I make no guarantees...
:-D

TFTD

Sometimes, it helps to set a deadline.

This can be true when we face unsolved problems, are struggling with a tough decision, have been sitting on the fence for a while, or have been floundering in confusion about a particular issue for a time.

That does not mean a deadline is written in stone.

It means that we are establishing a time frame to help ourselves not feel so helpless and to help bring a solution into focus.

Setting deadlines can free our energy to set the problem or issue aside, to let go, and allow the Universe, our Higher Power, and ourselves to begin to move toward a solution.

We don't always need to tell people we've got a deadline.

Sometimes, it's better to be silent, or else they may feel we are trying to control them and may rebel against our deadline.

Sometimes, it is appropriate to share our deadlines with others.

Deadlines are primarily a tool to help ourselves.

Used properly, deadlines can be a beneficial tool to help us get through difficult problems and situations without feeling trapped and helpless.

They can help us let go of worrying and obsessing, so we can focus our energies in more constructive directions.

Setting a deadline can help move us out of that uncomfortable spot of feeling victimized by a person or a problem we can't solve.

Deadlines can help us detach and move forward.

Cobblestones

How come there are huge bits and pieces of your life that aren't talked about?
Gosh, isn't that true for everyone?
It'd take a life time to talk the lifetime, wouldn't it?
And who's to say they're 'huge', anyway?

In defense of myself (though I genuinely have no real need to defend myself), I will say that the silence about those things has zilch to do with 'shame'. Cuz really, there's no shame in the places I've been and the things I've experienced.

Truthfully --I had to answer that THIS is the reason I have such a high need for stickey notes.
I suffer from CRS--the ol' 'can't remember squat' syndrome.

Other people remember for me.
And when they mention a cobblestone in the path that's not been mentioned before--you get weird looks.
HEAVEN forbid if you chuckle.

"It's a long trip alone.
Over sand and stone.
That lie along the road
We all must travel down....."
(shoulda cued the music for that one, huh?)

Honestly, I get an odd look or two when I chuckle about the places I've been.
Sometimes people don't laugh with me. Mostly cuz they don't seem to think it's 'funny'. I'm not sure I think it's 'funny' either. Fact is, I know it's not. But it truly holds no power today. It's just another piece of the road that brought me here.
Looking back I can only see so many of the cobble stones that filled the path.
Let's blame the ECT's, shall we? ;-)

Don't get me wrong.
There was a whole lot of tragedy mooshed in there. A lot of uncool things I got to experience or do.
I'm not sure if it's more or less than the average bear.
But I'm guaging from the reactions of the people around me, when they discover another of the cobblestones, that it's a bigger deal to them than it is to me today.
Being a survivor of a multitude of 'icky' circumstances isn't cause for grieving any more.
Acceptance happened.
Life continued on.

There's more adventures to be had.

Or...... maybe Mel'd done some growing up? (LOL...what are the odds of THAT?!?)
Maybe she came to understand that it's just another cobblestone in the path.
Maybe she's learned to appreciate the journey for what it's been, regardless of how it's looked to the world around her?

I know it's more important to some folks than I once believed it to be.
I'm just not certain WHY that is.

*mumbling*

Darn earthlings......they play by rules that I just don't 'get'.....

It's here!!

Have I ever mentioned that I LIKE being on the patio? Yeah, well, I do......whole lots. So when it came to firepits and garden swings I was over the top excited. I mean, it's all good with just the critters and the flurry of activity we get going on. Add a swing and a firepit (with one log) to it.......and it just gets better!
And gosh--no forgetting suntea and pinwheel straws. I mean, c'mon....it's a great place to just BE in the first place. And it just keeps getting better and better. Leastwise, it does for me.
Himself isn't quite as enthusiastic about all this 'stuff' as I am--but allergies can rip him off of patio time.
But I must say, I'm way excited!

Excited enough that I made some swing time when I beat the fella home tonight. Okay--so it was with my jacket pulled tight and the hood wrapped close to my neck. Bit chilly.....and I'm probably rushing it.

But we have green things!

GREEN things!! *doing happy dance*
And Sally the downy woodpecker came, and chubby butt Mr. Bunny visited--and Woody, the redbellied woodpecker did a fly by right after the Nut Hatchery Dude pulled a peanut from the feeder....
And did I mention we have green things?

LEAFS and BUDS!!!!!

It's all good.
Spring is here--even if the weather's a bit schizophrenic.

AND we have a firepit with a charred log.
And a poker thingy......
..............that I need to hide.......

New Stickey Note To Self

I put it out in another place....but it's a good question:

When I leave the house, have I said what my heart sings?

Sometimes I go to work irritated.
(I blame the 'getting dressed' part of the morning. Ya know this, dontcha?)
But really--when I leave the house, HAVE I said what my heart sings --it's a fine question to ask myself.

I think I oughta post it by the door--put it next to the mezuzah and touch that one in my comings and goings.

Have I said what my heart sings?

Maybe I'll take down the stickey of "You're looking at the problem!" from the bathroom mirror. (nah.....keep that cuz BOY does that still pertain to me)

I GOTTA quit letting the circumstances drive what comes from my mouth and let my heart do the talking.

Oh, where have I heard THAT one before?!

FIRE!!!!!

One log does not a fire make.
*shrugs*

But we can make fires on our patio if we feel like tossing a log or three in the cauldron. (I'm thinkin' it'll be GREAT for Halloween--but that's just me, thinking! LOL)

Yep, we tried it out.
One log.
Ummmmm....folks, don't try that cuz it doesn't work worth a darn.
And what it is with the Brit and fire? He can't NOT poke at it. Which means it goes out over and over and over again.

Now *I* have a solution.
It's called a 'fire log' and all you do is ignite the paper that covers it.
"Guaranteed up to four hours of burning".
Yep.
I figure if I light that sucker about dinner time--I'll be set for the night!

Oh.....and hide the poker thingy. LOL
Or make himself stay inside and watch from the kitchen window?

The mama

Ohhhhhh.......LOOK at that little chipmunky, ground squirrely face!
And see.....it's not a very big hole AT all!
:-D

Adventures of another kind...

Look at that face...... Awwwwwww...
Look at those cheeks. LOL She's learned how to stuff 'em already.

This, is Michelle the ground squirrel.

Sister to Marvin.

Marvin ventured into the yard while Michelle stayed home and watched.

I think she ratted Marvin out to mom and dad.

And THEN she decided to join in the adventures of wandering into Mel's yard.

She's been back twice to fill her little cheeks with corn. Laying on the ground, prying them loose and wigglin' all over the place. Shook the byjeepers outta the corn cob. LOL

And ran home with her mouth full.

Which I'm sure she's equally 'busted' AND grounded for leaving the approved playground.

I don't think mom and pop are too upset though.

Mom came back to fill her little cheeks, too.

But isn't Michelle just too cute?

(The Brit's amused--so far. Hopefully he'll stay that way cuz they're just too dang cute to get rid of, dontcha think?)

I just wanna throw up....

And that's without viewing any pictures or listening to the chaos.

I don't wanna listen to the chaos and the sounds of frightened people in a horrific situation.
If I can avoid it, I will.
33 lives.......good G-d.......

(((((((((((((((((((everyone))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Prayers and positive thoughts to everyone--what wreckage created in the lives of so many people.......

*saying prayers*

Huh.

When you've been granted a day off (okay....'granted' isn't exactly the word--more like 'told to take') and you make the mistake of opening your work email from home...to discover a HOST of things that need attended to....do you go or do you stay?

Time for rock, paper, scissors!!

*going to find the Brit*

Sleeping With Bread

In the words of wisepersoninmylife "You let go of the things you need to hold on to and hang on to the things you need to let go of....."

Letting go of....

How about that illusion that I need to be 'in charge', 'running the show' and 'all knowing'. G'head--laugh if you must. I seem to have delusions of grandeur, STILL.

I'd like end results that I actually LIKE with a few things, dontchaknow.

How about that 'If I try harder, smarter, longer--it'll all work out how I'd like it."

NOT that I'm walking around saying that about every circumstance, every situation and every moment in time.

But there are a few items on the "I'd sure like to call the shots on THIS one" list.

Yeah, yeah......LET GO.

No, I don't get to decide for the boy, for the people I work with individually OR for the people who decide stupid things that I'd never decide, today.

No, I don't get to make decisions for my boss.

No, I don't get to snap my fingers and fix some lives that I'd like to.

No, I don't get to rewrite my responsibilities at the job, in the house and in this life.

LET GO!!!!!!

*sigh*

Hanging on to.....

Obviously, first on the list would be hanging on to the 'knowing' that G-d's large and in charge.

I can KNOW that--and still not seeming know that. The end result is exactly what I talk about under the 'letting go' category.

"Knowing and not doing is worse than not knowing."

Aughhh!!!! Thanks a whole LOT! :-P

Gratitude would be another good thing to hang on to.

Not that life's always 'fair' and 'just' and 'pretty'.

SO WHAT!?!

It's 'life'.

And I have one, today.

That, in and of itself, is cause for celebration no matter what else happens during the course of the day.

Patience.

PATIENCE!

Things don't happen in Mel's time. (refer back to first on the list of 'hanging on' to's....)

'Nuff said.

And compassion.

Ya know........like 'empathy' for other's?

I can let that one go on a regular basis because I seem to think responsiblities are paramount.

However, Mel's list of 'paramounts' and the rest of the world's list........probably ain't gonna match.

EASE UP, already!

Compassion.

You don't always know what's going on in the lives of the people around you--

And once again-- I'm back to the obvious.

Practice, practice, practice.

*sigh*

QOTW 4/15

What kind of art do you have in your home?

Huh.

Well, I'm not exactly an 'art enthusiast'.

If we're talking what we have hanging on our walls--it's a hodgepodge of things that have been pleasing to me. I can look to the walls and smile....that's the criterion for hanging around this house.

I have a picture of a penguin the girl and the other, other boy painted for me this past holiday when I got paint markers--that's GOTTA count! (they're really AWESOME paintbrush markers, too.......I need to get those suckers out and play with 'em today!!)

Rundown of our 'taste', perhaps?

This room alone--there's the framed poster of Grand Central Station from 1939, a framed New York Central Railroad stock certificate from 1935, three matted and framed pages of advertisement for New York Central System from The Saturday Evening Post --1935, two tin signs advertising the New York Central System's '20th Century Limited' loco, a framed poster of four New York Central System's trains from the 1930's AND a glass shelf that hold my New York Central loco, sleeper car and dining car.
That's not counting the refinished medicine cabinet with the stained glass door that's hanging on the wall and the white "NYCS" that is strategically stuck to the wall (over the three matted adverts) with that blue stickey stuff that the Brit told me would never hold the letters. (ha........still there after a year!!)

Yeah, yeah....lotta stuff on the walls of one small study.
And that's just one room. LOL

Don't MAKE me go take stock of what's on the other walls....

It's all 'stuff' that makes me smile, that's fun for me to look at....that make memories swirl and linger around.....

Adventures of the 'wanting to be assembled' chair swing

He got grumpy--I got grateful. But it's all GOOD now!!

WE have a chair swing.

Now, please, keep in mind that we've been talking about getting a chair swing for three years. This is NOT an idication of how long it takes me to make a decision. (k....maybe it is! LOL)

Last year, towards the end of a season where the allergies were contained enough that himself was actually able to be outside with me without a great deal of discomfort being involved, I determined that a swing was going to happen.

We searched high and low. (end of the season, what did I expect!) None that met the requirements.

I had my mind set on it's major function and it got stuck. LOL

Simply put, it was required to have a high enough back so star gazing could happen without serious injury.
Yes, I've no doubt I looked a bit odd to the salesmen who tried to sell me a swing based on padding and comfortability for my rearend. Who's gonna be on their rearend when they've got a plan to start in a sitting position and quickly fall into the 'head on lap, leg out the end--I CAN SEE STARS!!!!!!' position. Checking out both positions was tried in the stores (much to himself's weak objections--)...I can tell you what's on the ceiling at the stores we shopped at.....g'head and ask!

Voile'!! One chair swing.

We were so excited!
And himself was planning the assembly before we even got to box home.

Oh BOY!!!

HUGE box... A gazillion parts--and instructions in three languages!!!
And two damaged pieces.

Ohhhhhhhh....ours was broke before we even assembled.

And there, on the patio--is my gazillion pieces of a chair swing.

Himself is grumbling and I'm on my back, staring at the sky, ringing the store with my cellphone to talk with 'customer service'.

Yep, I took the English instructions when I drug two damaged pieces of the swing BACK to the store--along WITH the cash register receipt, of course.

I gotta tell ya, I'm sending a letter on today cuz those folks were THE nicest folks to deal with.

They didn't make me tote the whole opened box (I destroyed it in my excitement, of course!) back......just bring in the two pieces that needed replaced and they'd get me two new pieces.

And they did!

KINDLY even....with smiles on their faces, happy chatter and apologies for lost time and 'inconvenience'--while himself was at home operating with the French instructions and putting what he could of our swing together, together.

Awwwww.....what a sweetheart, huh?

And wooooooohooooooooooooo(!!!!!!!) we have a chair swing!

It's GREAT!

11pm at night we gave it a trial run.

Yeah, yeah.....so it was 34 degrees out and I was in a 'wooly jumpy' and shivering as I flopped to the 'head on lap, leg out, I can see STARS!!!' position.

It was just a minor incovenience........and a good excuse to tuck ourselves in closer.

Oyoyoy....

The Brit doesn't deal in death and dying worth a darn.

He'll run around trying to heal 'fix the problem'--or at least make a whole lot of concerted efforts to make what's 'true'-- LOOK different.
Probably his denial system at work, no doubt.
He says all sorts of comforting words and runs around quietly trying to make circumstances as comfy as he possibly can....for himself, but undoubtedly, in some part for me.
Soothing words.
Little gestures.
Encouragements not based on realities.....

February 14th.
Valentines Day.

*shaking head*
A whole two months it took me to kill that lucious plant that he gave me.

I...........am a plant murderer.

*shrugs*
He knew what I was when he picked me up.

199 and counting!!

Onehundredninetynine days til Halloween!!!
Woooooooohoooooooo!!!!
It's all downhill from here!

*doing happy corn dance*

;-)

The littlest piggy is broke......

No...I didn't think it was a big thing.

Yes, HE DID!

Okay.........so I'm pretty convinced (no, I AM convinced) I've broken my 'wee-wee-wee all the way home' piggy.

I had one of those 'stumbling around blind, rammed my toe into somethin' moments'...BUT.....I managed the day and came home, confessing my "OMG........I think he's gonna stuff me into the trunk of my car" moment with the boss and whipped off the sock to proclaim:

"AND I think I broke my little toe!"

(HELLO........the boss is gonna stuff me into the trunk cuz I opened my mouth and asked a question that apparently I wasn't 'suppose' to ask IN FRONT OF 40 other people!!!!! THIS IS IMPORTANT!!!!!!!!)

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh no.

Not to himself it's not.

He's suddenly and TOTALLY obsessed with the colour of that 'wee-wee-wee all the way home' piggy and hows come I didn't leave this important meeting to see a doctor.

Nonono........you don't understand. Eyes went from me to the boss, from me to the boss.....from me to the boss and he like......got that 'I'm gonna haffta #&$%ing.........have a nice day' look. Ya know, the one that starts out as a 'boy are WE gonna have a moment, you and I' and changes to 'cuz I REALLY LIKE YOU' look when you suddenly realize that all eyes are on YOU and death by strangulation isn't something you oughta advertise in a room full of 40 people.......

"Right. Let's go to the doctor's now then."

Hello? It's after five and it's just a broken toe...... Do you not CARE that I was gonna be stuffed into the trunk of some abandoned car in some desolate area? Ya know--he could still be plotting..........

"That really does need to be attended to."

IT'S A TOE!!!!!! HELLOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

"You could get blood poisoning. If it was a broken arm, wouldn't you see the doctor? Why are we having this discussion--let's go...."

Gimme a break......oh wait.....I think I've given myself one. LOLOL (he didn't find that funny, btw.......) It's a LITTLE toe. It's been broke before and whadda they gonna do? Say "yep...broken", tell me to take tylenol and offer to tape it to the 'this little pig had none' toe?

PASS. I am NOT going...besides, it's after 5 on a Friday. This is NOT emergency room material..... Now, asking a question in front of 40 people that I wasn't apparently SUPPOSE to ask--THAT'S emergency room material!!!!

~~~~~~~~~

*sigh*

That little piggy is purple and hurts like a monkey!

And the boss DID tell me, after the meeting, that it was probably just as well that he put all the cards on the table.

And he DID wish me a 'good weekend'........right after he enlightened me with a new and exciting tidbit of information which I will NOT reveal in front of a group of 40 people.

"Did I ever tell you that I belong to the Sicilian Brotherhood?"

I'm sure my smile and nod counted for somethin'.......