Monday, October 31, 2005
The boy, the girl, the Brit.....
Ever notice that people in my life become these no-named entities? Yeah, well, none of that seems quirky to me--but apparently it's a bit odd to folks around me.
I'd be hard pressed to name six people in my life (outside of family) who know the actual names of the girl and the boy. Folks I've worked with for YEARS note that they don't know their actual names...I've always referred to them, with great affection, as 'the boy' and 'the girl'. Not MY kids, but THE kiddos. Same for the Brit......not MY husband, but THE Brit, the man who shares life with me, and in joking 'he who must obey'. (that would be as a result of his reference to me as "she who must be obeyed", apparently some humourous endearment from whence he cometh)
So last night as we're letting the 161 (WOW.....we had 161!!) little monsters come up the steps to get their goodies, the moms/dads, many of whom were familiar to me, are extending their hand to the Brit and stating "so you must be the Brit--I'm blahblahblah" and he is shaking hands introducing himself as 'Steve'.
Honest, I squirmed.....LOL Don't ask me why, but I did.
Is there a reason I don't give out the kiddos names/the name of 'he who must obey'? Well, sorta--I'm not comfortable introducing any of them as MY anything. MY daughter. MY son. MY husband..... Even when the dog was alive, she was 'the puppy', not MY pup. I know full well that they're on loan to me from G-d, they're not my possessions, they're not 'mine' in any way, shape or form. This is a reminder to ME of who they truly 'belong' to, and it's not TO ME.
Apparently it makes for an air of mysteriousness. "Normal people" don't introduce 'their spouse' as a 'THE' anything. People have names and they were given them for a reason. I had to ask the Brit...LOL.....(SEE!!)....if he was, in any way, offended by how I addressed/referred to him when talking to the folks around me. So we had a conversation.
He assures me he's not..and in fact, he rather likes it--though he couldn't really identify why. He did tell me it was uniquely 'me'. He did tell me he knows full well how each of us end up with a title versus a name/identified as MY anything. He did note that I do call him "Stephen" when it's him and I talking. He also suggested that introducing him as 'The Brit' is perfectly 'okay' with him, though it might suit OTHER people better if they had a name to call him....hence his introduction including his name. I can do that--I think....effort on my part, but I'm almost sure that I CAN do that!
Strange that I don't call him Stephen when talking about him or referring to him. But I do call him Stephen when I'm talking directly to him. And I yell "STEVE", when I'm wanting his attention NOW..LOL....which is backasswards to how it was when he got in trouble with his mother who would loudly do a "STEPHEN!" which sent him cringing but obeying...and called him Steve in every day life.....
Too weird--
I really DO do things backasswards to the rest of the world, huh? LOL
I'd be hard pressed to name six people in my life (outside of family) who know the actual names of the girl and the boy. Folks I've worked with for YEARS note that they don't know their actual names...I've always referred to them, with great affection, as 'the boy' and 'the girl'. Not MY kids, but THE kiddos. Same for the Brit......not MY husband, but THE Brit, the man who shares life with me, and in joking 'he who must obey'. (that would be as a result of his reference to me as "she who must be obeyed", apparently some humourous endearment from whence he cometh)
So last night as we're letting the 161 (WOW.....we had 161!!) little monsters come up the steps to get their goodies, the moms/dads, many of whom were familiar to me, are extending their hand to the Brit and stating "so you must be the Brit--I'm blahblahblah" and he is shaking hands introducing himself as 'Steve'.
Honest, I squirmed.....LOL Don't ask me why, but I did.
Is there a reason I don't give out the kiddos names/the name of 'he who must obey'? Well, sorta--I'm not comfortable introducing any of them as MY anything. MY daughter. MY son. MY husband..... Even when the dog was alive, she was 'the puppy', not MY pup. I know full well that they're on loan to me from G-d, they're not my possessions, they're not 'mine' in any way, shape or form. This is a reminder to ME of who they truly 'belong' to, and it's not TO ME.
Apparently it makes for an air of mysteriousness. "Normal people" don't introduce 'their spouse' as a 'THE' anything. People have names and they were given them for a reason. I had to ask the Brit...LOL.....(SEE!!)....if he was, in any way, offended by how I addressed/referred to him when talking to the folks around me. So we had a conversation.
He assures me he's not..and in fact, he rather likes it--though he couldn't really identify why. He did tell me it was uniquely 'me'. He did tell me he knows full well how each of us end up with a title versus a name/identified as MY anything. He did note that I do call him "Stephen" when it's him and I talking. He also suggested that introducing him as 'The Brit' is perfectly 'okay' with him, though it might suit OTHER people better if they had a name to call him....hence his introduction including his name. I can do that--I think....effort on my part, but I'm almost sure that I CAN do that!
Strange that I don't call him Stephen when talking about him or referring to him. But I do call him Stephen when I'm talking directly to him. And I yell "STEVE", when I'm wanting his attention NOW..LOL....which is backasswards to how it was when he got in trouble with his mother who would loudly do a "STEPHEN!" which sent him cringing but obeying...and called him Steve in every day life.....
Too weird--
I really DO do things backasswards to the rest of the world, huh? LOL
Sunday, October 30, 2005
Check! Check!! Check?
Got the jack-o-lanterns in place.
Got the candles for them ready to be lit and plunked inside.
Got the treat bags--all 120 of them--ready.
Got the big people's treats ready in the monster bowl.
Got the graveyard raked, and prettied up--ready to go.
Got the spookey feet walking through it..ooooOOOOOooooooo..,,,
Got the ookey spookey music CD IN the player.
Got the porch steps all cleared and the ceramic pumpkins in place elsewhere.
Got the spidery web stuff hung over the porch entry.
Got the chili ready for eating, the cider ready for drinking!
Got the silly string to shoot the neighbor kiddo with....hahahahahaha..
Got the super soaker hidden so it's not an all out war! ;-)
Got Studley looking all primed for the occasion.
Got the lights switched on!
Got the witch looking all that on her broom!
Got the spidery outfit ready...........
I think we're SET!
Now--all we need is the kiddos in their cute costumes!!!!
Oh--and we need the Brit.
He volunteered to help out at work today--with the stipulation that he's home by five tonight. The festivities begin at six.
We don't care it's not ON Halloween night--we'll just have an extra night for Studley to be lurking in the yard.
His employer, I believe, gets how huge Halloween is in this household.
Heck, he's been taking treats and cupcakes and 'stuff' in all month long to share in the festivities. Besides, he assured me he wouldn't miss it for the world. He's ready! Even made me ghostie and pumpkin pancakes this morning! :-) Whadda guy! LOL
And I gotta head up to work here and check out the kiddo's haunted drive-through.....year 16, it's a huge tradition!
And yep, that's my fault....... ;-)
Man oh man.......
They've got a lightning and thunder machine that I MUST have! Darn competition....LOL
Always one upping me..LOL
Got the candles for them ready to be lit and plunked inside.
Got the treat bags--all 120 of them--ready.
Got the big people's treats ready in the monster bowl.
Got the graveyard raked, and prettied up--ready to go.
Got the spookey feet walking through it..ooooOOOOOooooooo..,,,
Got the ookey spookey music CD IN the player.
Got the porch steps all cleared and the ceramic pumpkins in place elsewhere.
Got the spidery web stuff hung over the porch entry.
Got the chili ready for eating, the cider ready for drinking!
Got the silly string to shoot the neighbor kiddo with....hahahahahaha..
Got the super soaker hidden so it's not an all out war! ;-)
Got Studley looking all primed for the occasion.
Got the lights switched on!
Got the witch looking all that on her broom!
Got the spidery outfit ready...........
I think we're SET!
Now--all we need is the kiddos in their cute costumes!!!!
Oh--and we need the Brit.
He volunteered to help out at work today--with the stipulation that he's home by five tonight. The festivities begin at six.
We don't care it's not ON Halloween night--we'll just have an extra night for Studley to be lurking in the yard.
His employer, I believe, gets how huge Halloween is in this household.
Heck, he's been taking treats and cupcakes and 'stuff' in all month long to share in the festivities. Besides, he assured me he wouldn't miss it for the world. He's ready! Even made me ghostie and pumpkin pancakes this morning! :-) Whadda guy! LOL
And I gotta head up to work here and check out the kiddo's haunted drive-through.....year 16, it's a huge tradition!
And yep, that's my fault....... ;-)
Man oh man.......
They've got a lightning and thunder machine that I MUST have! Darn competition....LOL
Always one upping me..LOL
Saturday, October 29, 2005
YEAH and YIPPEE!!!!!
Thursday, October 27, 2005
They're everywhere--they're everywhere!!
Gosh, I love living in a small town. It's not that we've stayed 'tiny', but we have remained small! In the 16 years I've lived here we've doubled in population(probably cuz the cattle had babies and the farmers bought a tractor or two)! AND we've tripled in stoplights! (okay...so we only HAD one stoplight when I move here--that doesn't negate the fact that we now have THREE!).
WE have trick-or-treats with the merchants who stay open on Thursday evenings to accomodate the farming folks. (that only makes sense if you know farm folks!)
Tonight the streets of downtown (all three blocks) are littered with little monsters and goblins dressed up, going from store to store. Yep, you can hear them laughing and "GRrrrrrrrrrr-ing" and "oooOOOOooooo-ing" and just having a grand time.
And Sunday (cuz Monday the schools had too many activities to cancel) we'll be having those little monsters at OUR house! Bring 'em on, I say! WE are prepared.
And I'll need the weekend, frankly.
I think the word is 'tired'.
BOY am I prime material for tiring way easy at the moment.
But I did get in six hours at the office Wednesday. I was shooting for five and woulda settled for four--ended up with six cuz I got busy and lost track. And Wednesday evening--himself brought home Chinese and ran me a bath so I could soak, get in my jammies and take a painpill or two. All this by six thirty. Okay, so I push things.....*sigh*
Today it was another six hours and I was done in four but again--got busy.
Ha....CINDY wasn't there...LOL
And truth be told, I probably NEED Cindy there to send me home cuz I am NOT a good judge, huh?
*shrugs*
But we have goblins and ghoulies and monsters and cuties wandering the streets tonight.
And we have traffic on our street.
That's Studley's fault...LOL He's a bit of an attraction around these parts.
Whatdaya expect for a small, three stoplight kinda town?
OooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo....mwaaahhhhhahahahahahahahaa.....
WE have trick-or-treats with the merchants who stay open on Thursday evenings to accomodate the farming folks. (that only makes sense if you know farm folks!)
Tonight the streets of downtown (all three blocks) are littered with little monsters and goblins dressed up, going from store to store. Yep, you can hear them laughing and "GRrrrrrrrrrr-ing" and "oooOOOOooooo-ing" and just having a grand time.
And Sunday (cuz Monday the schools had too many activities to cancel) we'll be having those little monsters at OUR house! Bring 'em on, I say! WE are prepared.
And I'll need the weekend, frankly.
I think the word is 'tired'.
BOY am I prime material for tiring way easy at the moment.
But I did get in six hours at the office Wednesday. I was shooting for five and woulda settled for four--ended up with six cuz I got busy and lost track. And Wednesday evening--himself brought home Chinese and ran me a bath so I could soak, get in my jammies and take a painpill or two. All this by six thirty. Okay, so I push things.....*sigh*
Today it was another six hours and I was done in four but again--got busy.
Ha....CINDY wasn't there...LOL
And truth be told, I probably NEED Cindy there to send me home cuz I am NOT a good judge, huh?
*shrugs*
But we have goblins and ghoulies and monsters and cuties wandering the streets tonight.
And we have traffic on our street.
That's Studley's fault...LOL He's a bit of an attraction around these parts.
Whatdaya expect for a small, three stoplight kinda town?
OooooooooOOOOOOOOooooooooo....mwaaahhhhhahahahahahahahaa.....
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
DEAR Secretary......
Letter to the secretary dated 10/25:
Okay.
I admit it.
I threatened bodily harm to you if you ever sent on a ‘permission to return to work’ slip of mine to Cindy again.
*hanging head*
AND I called Cindy something close to ---–well, okay, it was more than ‘close to’……….I CALLED her a “Permission Slip Nazi”, which was not at all kind.
NOR was it kind to threaten you (even in a joking manner) for putting that little slip in Cindy’s hands and giving her the information to use against me.......WHICH SHE WILL. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..*sniffle*
I know she’s only looking out for my best interests.
I know YOU were simply following instructions and being responsive to the request made of you.
Can you please be responsive to MY bosses request for a million dollars? LOL He (by the way) IS the one who ought to have gotten that fax that was implicit about what I'm 'allowed' to do and what I'm 'not allowed' to do. HE is much more easily manipulated than Cindy--HE won't be present to hold me TO those restrictions.
CINDY WILL BE!
But nevermind--please grant his request for the million dollars.
I , of course, don't need you to be responsive to any requests--it's too flipping late, Cindy has the fax....and.... I did get that giant spider I’d been hoping to find-- so I’m considering MY request granted. (sorta kinda)
OKAY! OKAY!!!
Sorry, sorry, sorry—it was wrong, wrong, wrong.
And I really won’t hurt you.
I’m not allowed to bend OR twist OR lift objects over 20 pounds(this according to the fax AND to Cindy)—so....you’re safe.
*sigh*
And ....Yes, I know—this email WILL be used against me…………..
*hanging head*
Response from secretary dated 10/26:
Ethan (her kiddo) loved the spider and requests, nightly, that we go visit 'Studley'. He told all his preschool buddies how cool it was that HIS mom knows a giant purple spider by name. :-)
Oy......... I am sooooooo losing my touch.......
Okay.
I admit it.
I threatened bodily harm to you if you ever sent on a ‘permission to return to work’ slip of mine to Cindy again.
*hanging head*
AND I called Cindy something close to ---–well, okay, it was more than ‘close to’……….I CALLED her a “Permission Slip Nazi”, which was not at all kind.
NOR was it kind to threaten you (even in a joking manner) for putting that little slip in Cindy’s hands and giving her the information to use against me.......WHICH SHE WILL. Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh……..*sniffle*
I know she’s only looking out for my best interests.
I know YOU were simply following instructions and being responsive to the request made of you.
Can you please be responsive to MY bosses request for a million dollars? LOL He (by the way) IS the one who ought to have gotten that fax that was implicit about what I'm 'allowed' to do and what I'm 'not allowed' to do. HE is much more easily manipulated than Cindy--HE won't be present to hold me TO those restrictions.
CINDY WILL BE!
But nevermind--please grant his request for the million dollars.
I , of course, don't need you to be responsive to any requests--it's too flipping late, Cindy has the fax....and.... I did get that giant spider I’d been hoping to find-- so I’m considering MY request granted. (sorta kinda)
OKAY! OKAY!!!
Sorry, sorry, sorry—it was wrong, wrong, wrong.
And I really won’t hurt you.
I’m not allowed to bend OR twist OR lift objects over 20 pounds(this according to the fax AND to Cindy)—so....you’re safe.
*sigh*
And ....Yes, I know—this email WILL be used against me…………..
*hanging head*
Response from secretary dated 10/26:
Ethan (her kiddo) loved the spider and requests, nightly, that we go visit 'Studley'. He told all his preschool buddies how cool it was that HIS mom knows a giant purple spider by name. :-)
Oy......... I am sooooooo losing my touch.......
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
Piles and heaps
I have lots of them in this house--mostly (and this is my excuse...LOL) cuz I don't get to lift things from the floor yet so I make piles and the couch, on the tables, on the nightstand, on the 'puter desk...here a pile there a pile, everywhere a pile pile! Oy... And the piles have their varying themes.
Only some of the themes got mixed together cuz himself thought he'd try to straighten and messed with my system! LOL It was an organized mess, dangit!
GOTTA do something with those piles today. They're making ME nutzoid. I am not a piles and heaps kinda gal, honest I'm not!
And I gotta go see the neurosurgeon who DID approve me going to work 'part time as tolerated with limitations'. YEAH! Umm...but why is it I then need to come see you?
"Because I'd like to check your progress and I'd like to make certain you understand what those limitations are."
Ah. Okey dokey.
He better not yell at me...LOL My list of "I didn't DO"s is pretty long. And I wanted to DO--cuz I suck at not doing.
AND someone messed with my piles already and I'm NOT in the mood to be messed with again. Hmmmmmph!
Besides, I already have the permission slip at work! So nahhhhhhhhh!!!!
What's he gonna do, fax something that says "I take it back"?!
Nah.
Only I'D do something like that.........
Right?
Only some of the themes got mixed together cuz himself thought he'd try to straighten and messed with my system! LOL It was an organized mess, dangit!
GOTTA do something with those piles today. They're making ME nutzoid. I am not a piles and heaps kinda gal, honest I'm not!
And I gotta go see the neurosurgeon who DID approve me going to work 'part time as tolerated with limitations'. YEAH! Umm...but why is it I then need to come see you?
"Because I'd like to check your progress and I'd like to make certain you understand what those limitations are."
Ah. Okey dokey.
He better not yell at me...LOL My list of "I didn't DO"s is pretty long. And I wanted to DO--cuz I suck at not doing.
AND someone messed with my piles already and I'm NOT in the mood to be messed with again. Hmmmmmph!
Besides, I already have the permission slip at work! So nahhhhhhhhh!!!!
What's he gonna do, fax something that says "I take it back"?!
Nah.
Only I'D do something like that.........
Right?
Sunday, October 23, 2005
Weekend pigeons
So I had dinner at a Japanese Grill with a pigeon on Friday. The Brit went along--she's rather fond of him and she enjoys that I'm actually IN a marriage. ('better me than she', she tells me--she's scared poopless of entering into a partnership and doesn't trust me when I say it's effortless work) I've been working with her for six years now and she is a treat! And so was the Japanese Grill! Lemme tell ya, spatulas flying, smoke, fire--and Mel at the grill advertising her culinary ineptness...LOL Ask me to break and egg after flipping it in the air off the spatula withOUT getting shell in it? Ohhhhhhhhh riiiiighhhhhtttttttt.......surrrrrrrrreeeeeee....... LOL The Brit backed up a whole LOT, probably cuz he could see I was entertaining the thought of hitting the darn thing like a baseball and winding up with the spatula like I meant it. And I did break the egg on the spatula!
Ummmmm.........Good thing we like crunchy fried rice? :-P
And cheater chopsticks are great!
I'da starved without 'em! LOL
Today--I went to an excellent meeting after working with another pigeon. I'm thinking just about any meeting woulda been wonderful..LOL Wiseperson in my life was right--I needed to get my 'a** in the chair'. And I needed the coffee after the meeting. It was nice to be in the company of a pigeon and her pigeon. Fun stuff watching what was given to me being passed on.
I don't know that I liked hearing that the pigeon's pigeon asked the pigeon....(boy that sounds confusing)...because I scared the crap out of him. I don't like to think of myself as a scary person. Fact is, I know I'm much more approachable today than I've ever been. Apparently not as approachable as I'd like to think I am? *chuckling*
I did ask what got in the way and he confessed it was that I was female (okay....so's the pigeon he DID ask...HA), that I had a reputation for sponsoring people who no one else would touch (this is true--torques me off when folks say 'no' cuz they're not wanting a blemish on their 'A.A. report card'...wrong motives, wrong answer, wrong, wrong, wrong.....on THIS I have a rather staunch opinion, which is obvious!) and he didn't wanna be known as 'one of THOSE'...*chuckling*....and that I had a way of 'knowing' that scared the hell out of him and I just 'put it out there' when I told my story.
Okay....maybe...... No, no 'maybe' to that, he's right--and I'm sure that can be frightening to some folks. I could work on my delivery--I doubt that will change unless I get marching orders TO change that--and those'll haffta come from someone/some'thing' a bit 'higher' in the chain of command. I do what I'm called to do, say what I'm called to say. No doubt, that frightens a few people. Scared the poop outta me that wiseperson in my life could 'know' some things that I was convinced no earthly person oughta know. I've no doubt where he obtained that knowledge, today. Used to be I believed he crawled in my brain when I was asleep. LOL
So, I'm scary STILL--which, ya know, is "okay"......cuz he's got a great person working with him. One who worked like no other to come to a different understanding and way of living. And she's now earning her own reputation for picking up folks who've been turned down multiple times, who are near death and have 'failed' again and again at finding what works.
*chuckling*
It's good to have a bit of competition...LOL He told me it was less scary to ask the pigeon--and he figured safer....LOL Does he not know that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? He assured me he's since figured that out. Ah, the pigeon learned well......LOL
And ya know-- it's good that I seemed scary.
He's right where he needs to be--and she's doing just what she's needing to be doing.
And today, between the three of us--47 years of living a different life.
Scary, eh? *chuckling*
Ah well...good thing he didn't see me winding up that spatula on Friday night....LOL Now THAT was something to fear!
Ummmmm.........Good thing we like crunchy fried rice? :-P
And cheater chopsticks are great!
I'da starved without 'em! LOL
Today--I went to an excellent meeting after working with another pigeon. I'm thinking just about any meeting woulda been wonderful..LOL Wiseperson in my life was right--I needed to get my 'a** in the chair'. And I needed the coffee after the meeting. It was nice to be in the company of a pigeon and her pigeon. Fun stuff watching what was given to me being passed on.
I don't know that I liked hearing that the pigeon's pigeon asked the pigeon....(boy that sounds confusing)...because I scared the crap out of him. I don't like to think of myself as a scary person. Fact is, I know I'm much more approachable today than I've ever been. Apparently not as approachable as I'd like to think I am? *chuckling*
I did ask what got in the way and he confessed it was that I was female (okay....so's the pigeon he DID ask...HA), that I had a reputation for sponsoring people who no one else would touch (this is true--torques me off when folks say 'no' cuz they're not wanting a blemish on their 'A.A. report card'...wrong motives, wrong answer, wrong, wrong, wrong.....on THIS I have a rather staunch opinion, which is obvious!) and he didn't wanna be known as 'one of THOSE'...*chuckling*....and that I had a way of 'knowing' that scared the hell out of him and I just 'put it out there' when I told my story.
Okay....maybe...... No, no 'maybe' to that, he's right--and I'm sure that can be frightening to some folks. I could work on my delivery--I doubt that will change unless I get marching orders TO change that--and those'll haffta come from someone/some'thing' a bit 'higher' in the chain of command. I do what I'm called to do, say what I'm called to say. No doubt, that frightens a few people. Scared the poop outta me that wiseperson in my life could 'know' some things that I was convinced no earthly person oughta know. I've no doubt where he obtained that knowledge, today. Used to be I believed he crawled in my brain when I was asleep. LOL
So, I'm scary STILL--which, ya know, is "okay"......cuz he's got a great person working with him. One who worked like no other to come to a different understanding and way of living. And she's now earning her own reputation for picking up folks who've been turned down multiple times, who are near death and have 'failed' again and again at finding what works.
*chuckling*
It's good to have a bit of competition...LOL He told me it was less scary to ask the pigeon--and he figured safer....LOL Does he not know that the apple doesn't fall far from the tree? He assured me he's since figured that out. Ah, the pigeon learned well......LOL
And ya know-- it's good that I seemed scary.
He's right where he needs to be--and she's doing just what she's needing to be doing.
And today, between the three of us--47 years of living a different life.
Scary, eh? *chuckling*
Ah well...good thing he didn't see me winding up that spatula on Friday night....LOL Now THAT was something to fear!
Thursday, October 20, 2005
Long Distance Calling......
I was trekking through my day, pretty oblivious to what time it was cuz I was keeping pretty busy...busy is GOOD!
4:15 the phone rings--it's the girl at O'Hare, awaiting her flight to London which was to board in approximately ten minutes. She's off to London to attend a Ball at the London Hilton--a get together/celebration for the folks from that yacht race the wrong way around the world.
She sounded scared and that was pretty much her opening line.
That 'mom' mode kicked in pretty fast. LOL
It wasn't the flight. It wasn't even the fact that she's taking two weeks and scampering around in England, Ireland, Wales, and France--it was the Ball she was fretting about.
"I'm under-dressed--I just KNOW it."
Oy...okay, we've done the dress and shoes and jewelry, so I'm pretty convinced she's NOT underdressed--fact is, she looks pretty darn spiffy. TOO spiffy--but that's just cuz I'm the mom..and she's single....and she'll be surrounded by Brits...
"NO mom....I'm underdressed. I KNOW I'm underdressed...what am I suppose to DO? I mean, I'm ten minutes from getting on the plane....."
I suggested she just breathe and talk with one of the gals when she gets there and get her opinion--and if she's still not comfy with the dress.....well, happy shopping!
"MOM!"
.....sheeeeeshhhh she can get LOUD when she wants to....
"MOM!! I JUST found out THIS MORNING that PRINCESS ANNE is going to BE AT THE BALL. I....AM.....UNDERDRESSED!!! Oh my god.....isn't that like...Prince Charles daughter or something?"
Ummmm....no but she was close......And that's when I explained Anne's relationship to the Queen as 'the daughter'. And THIS would be when I lost the girl to a the tune of: "oh....my.....god....ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmyGOD!!!"
I did suggest she skip the shopping and just find some peace that she looked drop dead gorgeous AS IS...besides, she'll need that time NOT spent out shopping to work on how to curtsey to Her Royal Highness when she'd introduced. I also suggested she sit near the restrooms on the flight.......--cuz she's gonna throw up.
"Curtsey? I HAVE to CURTSEY? HOW do you do a curtsey? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.....OH MY......flight just got announced.....OHMHGOD......"
She's gonna throw up.
She's got eight hours to mull this around---and she will throw up...
Afterall.....she IS her mother's child!
Gosh, I hope she sat near the restrooms..... LOL
4:15 the phone rings--it's the girl at O'Hare, awaiting her flight to London which was to board in approximately ten minutes. She's off to London to attend a Ball at the London Hilton--a get together/celebration for the folks from that yacht race the wrong way around the world.
She sounded scared and that was pretty much her opening line.
That 'mom' mode kicked in pretty fast. LOL
It wasn't the flight. It wasn't even the fact that she's taking two weeks and scampering around in England, Ireland, Wales, and France--it was the Ball she was fretting about.
"I'm under-dressed--I just KNOW it."
Oy...okay, we've done the dress and shoes and jewelry, so I'm pretty convinced she's NOT underdressed--fact is, she looks pretty darn spiffy. TOO spiffy--but that's just cuz I'm the mom..and she's single....and she'll be surrounded by Brits...
"NO mom....I'm underdressed. I KNOW I'm underdressed...what am I suppose to DO? I mean, I'm ten minutes from getting on the plane....."
I suggested she just breathe and talk with one of the gals when she gets there and get her opinion--and if she's still not comfy with the dress.....well, happy shopping!
"MOM!"
.....sheeeeeshhhh she can get LOUD when she wants to....
"MOM!! I JUST found out THIS MORNING that PRINCESS ANNE is going to BE AT THE BALL. I....AM.....UNDERDRESSED!!! Oh my god.....isn't that like...Prince Charles daughter or something?"
Ummmm....no but she was close......And that's when I explained Anne's relationship to the Queen as 'the daughter'. And THIS would be when I lost the girl to a the tune of: "oh....my.....god....ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmyGOD!!!"
I did suggest she skip the shopping and just find some peace that she looked drop dead gorgeous AS IS...besides, she'll need that time NOT spent out shopping to work on how to curtsey to Her Royal Highness when she'd introduced. I also suggested she sit near the restrooms on the flight.......--cuz she's gonna throw up.
"Curtsey? I HAVE to CURTSEY? HOW do you do a curtsey? Ohmygodohmygodohmygod.....OH MY......flight just got announced.....OHMHGOD......"
She's gonna throw up.
She's got eight hours to mull this around---and she will throw up...
Afterall.....she IS her mother's child!
Gosh, I hope she sat near the restrooms..... LOL
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
*whapping self on the head*
No, it is NOT all about precious little MEMEME and what I WANT........
Duh. Duh. DUH!
I decided I'd show up for work today. I had a chat with the Brit last evening about how bad it feels to not be present when things are messy--how *I* feel and what *I* want/need. It all sounded perfectly innocent enough. He was even supportive and kind and loving.
And then came the evening inventory time where I had a wholllllllllllllle list of selfish behaviors/attitudes (note all the *I* statements)--another nobrainer, or at least shoulda been for me.
Do you KNOW what it meant to folks to just have me show up bearing donuts and telling them how appreciated they are and what an awesome job they've all done making sure that things are taken care of?
No, folks--it ain't all about me.
They've been busting their rears and they needed the recognition. Isn't it amazing what a bit of defiance of 'orders' and a big box of donuts can do for other people's morale?
And funny--how doing that little bit helped MINE.
SEE--it isn't all about MEMEME.
And how many times has wiseperson in my life told me to get UP and go help someone else when I'm wrapped up in the MEMEME stuff?
Duh. DUH. DUHHHHHHH!
*chuckling*
They really ARE great people.
AND I got to see ALL four babies, today--WITH their moms!
..........and the newspaper showed up for photos.....LOL
Yes, it's BIG news for a town of 3000 (counting cattle AND tractors) to be having four births in one workplace during ONE month's time.
I'm sure we'll be on the same page as Myrtle who's just returned from visiting her daughter in California.
*chuckling*
Duh. Duh. DUH!
I decided I'd show up for work today. I had a chat with the Brit last evening about how bad it feels to not be present when things are messy--how *I* feel and what *I* want/need. It all sounded perfectly innocent enough. He was even supportive and kind and loving.
And then came the evening inventory time where I had a wholllllllllllllle list of selfish behaviors/attitudes (note all the *I* statements)--another nobrainer, or at least shoulda been for me.
Do you KNOW what it meant to folks to just have me show up bearing donuts and telling them how appreciated they are and what an awesome job they've all done making sure that things are taken care of?
No, folks--it ain't all about me.
They've been busting their rears and they needed the recognition. Isn't it amazing what a bit of defiance of 'orders' and a big box of donuts can do for other people's morale?
And funny--how doing that little bit helped MINE.
SEE--it isn't all about MEMEME.
And how many times has wiseperson in my life told me to get UP and go help someone else when I'm wrapped up in the MEMEME stuff?
Duh. DUH. DUHHHHHHH!
*chuckling*
They really ARE great people.
AND I got to see ALL four babies, today--WITH their moms!
..........and the newspaper showed up for photos.....LOL
Yes, it's BIG news for a town of 3000 (counting cattle AND tractors) to be having four births in one workplace during ONE month's time.
I'm sure we'll be on the same page as Myrtle who's just returned from visiting her daughter in California.
*chuckling*
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
An afternoon in the park
There's something about autumn and the changing of the guards. Feels a lot like it's the changing of the guard--that the trees are being deserted to make their way through the harsh winters here, alone. Spring comes and they're kept company again, buds eager to be a part of the season. But come fall, it's every leaf for themself! And they scatter hither and yon, finding a place where they can be of importance, sometimes a part of, sometimes singularly.
So I met with wiserperson and we discarded the self pitying crud and came to terms with the sudden limitations which came accompanied with fear. I react in fear. I forget where my peace and contentedness comes from. And it's not in what I physically do, it comes in what I bring to the lives of others. My value is no less because of the physical (temporary) limitations. I still have a calling, a mission--and G-d's still firm in His plan for my life. The question remains, am I still firm?
I don't intend to change anything today--but underneath the noise is still that fear driven child of G-d who can waiver on what's true in moments of change, self created or circumstance created. Will my value diminish because I'm not up to snuff. My value to my employer, to my spouse, to my friends, to the kiddos I serve--to my G-d. What becomes of that 'identity' that I've wrapped myself in and called "MINE" for so long.
Wiseperson reminded me that my identity was formulated longggggggg ago and I surrendered to His will for my life just this morning, did I not? *chuckling* SAME as I've done for almost thirty years--every morning. Some days I suck at it worse than others? I got a headlock and all the assurance in the world that the mission hasn't changed, the calling hasn't changed--the attitude and how I was looking at things was what had changed. I know that's true--it's what I told him on the phone BEFORE the time at the park. Me and my attitude..........it's always a choice.
So what's different after two hours in the park? Not a darn thing--except I'm reminded ONE MORE TIME of who I am and what I get to do. And the operative word is 'get' to do. Cuz it is a privilege. I'm reminded of who I am NOT. I'm a whole lot more grateful. I'm not feeling deserted and like some changing of the guard happened without my permission. LOL And I'm feeling pretty graced cuz we got to see eagles today. AND wiseperson in my life assured me that HE still has plans for my life even if I don't cuz I was too busy in my own head.
That means he's volunteered me to chair a meeting somewhere for the next month! He's not fooling ME! LOL
Getting OUT......
So I'm told it's a gorgeous view out there, today.
Yep, the Brit rang from work and suggested I get in the car and make a trip to the park--which is all of 15 minutes away. He tells me the view is awesome and wondrous.
He also tells me I could stand to get out of the house. *chuckling*
I admit it, I've been particularly frustrated that I'm not a part of the solution in a workplace that's a bit 'busy' at the moment.
HE says "You're a tad owly."
I think that means I'm crankier than all get out.
Funny--when I talked with wiseperson in my life this morning, HE said I was full of it, that I'd been keeping my own company too dang long and that I needed to "get my *** in a chair"--which is his.....errrrrr.....'polite' way of suggesting I get to a meeting.
Tuesday.....hmmmm....closest meeting is some 45 minutes away and it's at 8 p.m. tonight. Dunno that I can actually DO 45 minutes in a car yet, which is what I told him.
45 minutes in a car, 90 minutes of a meeting, 45 minutes MORE in a car......yikes.....
So he volunteered to come GET me, thinkin' it was the driving and not the sitting IN a car and going, period.
(he's a bit slow some moments....never slow at the RIGHT moments, mind you.....)
I did explain to him what the problem was. So.....if I can't get to the meeting, the meeting will come to ME.
OH yeah! *chuckling*
Which means wiseperson in my life will be stopping by the house to help me 'adjust my attitude'.
Which means we'll be having a 'chat' or two.
Which means PAIN....LOL
Just kidding--I think.......
Better yet--I think I'll ring wiseperson in my life BACK and invite him to meet me at the park.
What's he gonna do in a public place?! What am I saying......the man has no aversion to loudly taking my inventory in Perkins, forcryingoutloud!
Hey--maybe he'd like to do LUNCH at the park!
I can hear him grumbling already...LOL
Ya know....I really do love that oldfartwiseperson.......
Yep, the Brit rang from work and suggested I get in the car and make a trip to the park--which is all of 15 minutes away. He tells me the view is awesome and wondrous.
He also tells me I could stand to get out of the house. *chuckling*
I admit it, I've been particularly frustrated that I'm not a part of the solution in a workplace that's a bit 'busy' at the moment.
HE says "You're a tad owly."
I think that means I'm crankier than all get out.
Funny--when I talked with wiseperson in my life this morning, HE said I was full of it, that I'd been keeping my own company too dang long and that I needed to "get my *** in a chair"--which is his.....errrrrr.....'polite' way of suggesting I get to a meeting.
Tuesday.....hmmmm....closest meeting is some 45 minutes away and it's at 8 p.m. tonight. Dunno that I can actually DO 45 minutes in a car yet, which is what I told him.
45 minutes in a car, 90 minutes of a meeting, 45 minutes MORE in a car......yikes.....
So he volunteered to come GET me, thinkin' it was the driving and not the sitting IN a car and going, period.
(he's a bit slow some moments....never slow at the RIGHT moments, mind you.....)
I did explain to him what the problem was. So.....if I can't get to the meeting, the meeting will come to ME.
OH yeah! *chuckling*
Which means wiseperson in my life will be stopping by the house to help me 'adjust my attitude'.
Which means we'll be having a 'chat' or two.
Which means PAIN....LOL
Just kidding--I think.......
Better yet--I think I'll ring wiseperson in my life BACK and invite him to meet me at the park.
What's he gonna do in a public place?! What am I saying......the man has no aversion to loudly taking my inventory in Perkins, forcryingoutloud!
Hey--maybe he'd like to do LUNCH at the park!
I can hear him grumbling already...LOL
Ya know....I really do love that oldfartwiseperson.......
Monday, October 17, 2005
Creative boredom
Okay, so I now have no space on my table to even enjoy a cuppa java. Good news, I can have java in another spot--bad news....I like this spot better.
Ya know, there's something to be said for saving little scraps of 'stuff'. You just never know when you'll have surgery and have some meanie neurosurgan tell you to 'stay home and heal'.
Good grief---it's OCTOBER and I'm making holiday cards already?
Someone whack me a good one.....
Oh, and I do nothing in moderation--cuz there's twelve more on the kitchen counter that I JUST emptied from the trick-or-treat assembly line.
Oh LORD----I need to go back to work! LOLOL
Ya know, there's something to be said for saving little scraps of 'stuff'. You just never know when you'll have surgery and have some meanie neurosurgan tell you to 'stay home and heal'.
Good grief---it's OCTOBER and I'm making holiday cards already?
Someone whack me a good one.....
Oh, and I do nothing in moderation--cuz there's twelve more on the kitchen counter that I JUST emptied from the trick-or-treat assembly line.
Oh LORD----I need to go back to work! LOLOL
The class project
It was a project for his English class and the 11 year old next door chose the Brit to interview. He wanted to know simple things--if you had a memory. *chuckling* Took SOME work on the Brit's part to call some things up!
Life at 13 years of age.
Interesting stuff, listening to the Brit describe the highlight of his 13th year revolving around the introduction of a television to his home--watching space flights and JFK's address to congress. The Beatles, James Bond and adventures following a creek near his family's home, dropping boats of twigs and paper....
What innocence! What a different way of life......
I didn't volunteer any information...LOL
First of all, my childhood memories are up for grabs. I just don't remember a whole lot. And what I do remember--well, let's just say the Brit was mighty glad the child next door didn't opt to interview ME for his school project.
He and I did talk about my memories of 13 after the kiddo left with his pockets full of left-over treat candies.
13--fondly remembered for the beginning of the spree of interventions by legal authorities out of concern for my wellbeing. 13 is when I decided that running the bleachers for P.E. AFTER consuming mass amounts of alcohol was probably a bad plan. Cuz your judgment is a bit impaired and you land on the bottom steps of the bleachers, all twisted and looking just AS stupid as you apparently are acting. In attempts to cover that up- you quickly stand and promptly fall again---in a heap of laughter cuz you don't feel the pain from the gash in your head. The nurse wants to see you, the physician gets involved because you require stitches and the court wants to eventually see you--being stoned drunk IN school is not acceptable and they're looking for some method of deterring that from happening again. At 13, I had already perfected manipulation through tears and feigned innocence. When you get hospitalized at age 11 for blood alcohol poisoning, you learn quickly what works for getting people OUT of your business.
At age 13 I slunk into my first A.A. meeting--and slunk back out. I had nothing in common with 'those people'. I was ONLY 13 for cryingoutloud!
At age 13 I had too much sexual experience. Go figure.
Age 13---I don't remember the space flights--though I'm sure they were happening. And television (?)--waste of time when you could be out having a goooood time playing with the big boys and LIVING for cryingoutloud. I don't remember my classes, I don't remember my educators at age 13.....'cept for the German teacher who was a cute young thing and shared his experiences of drinking German beer too frequently with the class. I thought he was 'cool'......the schoolboard, however did not.
At age 13 my 'activities' already revolved around drinking and using--if you weren't holding, I wasn't showing up. If your supply wasn't equal to the one in the house that my alcoholic father wouldn't miss--why would I bother TO show up?
The Brit just shook his head and told me he really WAS relieved the child didn't interview ME. LOL
*shrugs*
I'm thinking had he asked ME--he'da had a wayyyyyyyyyyy more colourful report to share with his school chums.....
*chuckling*
And I'da loved to have been a mouse in the corner JUST to see how long it took his teacher to shush him up.
Life at 13 years of age.
Interesting stuff, listening to the Brit describe the highlight of his 13th year revolving around the introduction of a television to his home--watching space flights and JFK's address to congress. The Beatles, James Bond and adventures following a creek near his family's home, dropping boats of twigs and paper....
What innocence! What a different way of life......
I didn't volunteer any information...LOL
First of all, my childhood memories are up for grabs. I just don't remember a whole lot. And what I do remember--well, let's just say the Brit was mighty glad the child next door didn't opt to interview ME for his school project.
He and I did talk about my memories of 13 after the kiddo left with his pockets full of left-over treat candies.
13--fondly remembered for the beginning of the spree of interventions by legal authorities out of concern for my wellbeing. 13 is when I decided that running the bleachers for P.E. AFTER consuming mass amounts of alcohol was probably a bad plan. Cuz your judgment is a bit impaired and you land on the bottom steps of the bleachers, all twisted and looking just AS stupid as you apparently are acting. In attempts to cover that up- you quickly stand and promptly fall again---in a heap of laughter cuz you don't feel the pain from the gash in your head. The nurse wants to see you, the physician gets involved because you require stitches and the court wants to eventually see you--being stoned drunk IN school is not acceptable and they're looking for some method of deterring that from happening again. At 13, I had already perfected manipulation through tears and feigned innocence. When you get hospitalized at age 11 for blood alcohol poisoning, you learn quickly what works for getting people OUT of your business.
At age 13 I slunk into my first A.A. meeting--and slunk back out. I had nothing in common with 'those people'. I was ONLY 13 for cryingoutloud!
At age 13 I had too much sexual experience. Go figure.
Age 13---I don't remember the space flights--though I'm sure they were happening. And television (?)--waste of time when you could be out having a goooood time playing with the big boys and LIVING for cryingoutloud. I don't remember my classes, I don't remember my educators at age 13.....'cept for the German teacher who was a cute young thing and shared his experiences of drinking German beer too frequently with the class. I thought he was 'cool'......the schoolboard, however did not.
At age 13 my 'activities' already revolved around drinking and using--if you weren't holding, I wasn't showing up. If your supply wasn't equal to the one in the house that my alcoholic father wouldn't miss--why would I bother TO show up?
The Brit just shook his head and told me he really WAS relieved the child didn't interview ME. LOL
*shrugs*
I'm thinking had he asked ME--he'da had a wayyyyyyyyyyy more colourful report to share with his school chums.....
*chuckling*
And I'da loved to have been a mouse in the corner JUST to see how long it took his teacher to shush him up.
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Sunday Meals
I'm hard pressed to remember just what I used to cook for Sunday dinners with the kiddos. Hard pressed isn't even accurate--I canNOT remember for the life of me. I'll have to ring the girl and ask her.
But today we had a 'real Sunday meal' according to himself.
Baked turkey breast, broasted potatoes, cauliflower and carrots.
Okay, so my favorite was the cauliflower. *chuckling* I've had whole meals of 'zapped cauliflower'--it's been a while.
I did remind him that I warned him numerous times "I do not cook." I even sorta kinda felt bad about that fact of my existance today. SORTA....
But....Yep, he remembers that--he even commented that he reminds himself frequently that I'm the woman who made whole meals from zapped cauliflower and nuked popcorn. He did know what I was when he picked me up. I just don't 'do' meals like 'normal people' do meals. Personally, I'm not that fixated with food...LOL
He did ask what in the world we did for Sunday dinner growing up.
Growing up Sunday meals happened after my father went to the bar--and generally involved eating out at the local chinese restraunt or pizzaria. That's IF he was sober. Mind you, drinking wasn't 'allowed' on Sundays and bars were closed for the day, period. 'Cept if your friend was the owner of the bar and you went to keep him company whilest he cleaned/tidied the bar. Then some drinking might happen. WOULD happen, if you were my father.
So that's what I knew of 'Sunday meals'.
The Brit found that sad. I don't know that it evokes any kind of emotion for me today--it doesn't hold a lot of power in my life.But I'd suppose it does sound pretty 'sad' to a two parent family where Sunday meals were three vegetables and a roasted something or other--with pie and custard immediately following--appetizers before if company was coming
I'll be having a turkey sandwich tomorrow, BTW.
Well, MAYBE I'll have that turkey and turn it into a sandwich. I'm thinking the odds are greater, however, give there's leftover fresh cauliflower......
:-)
But today we had a 'real Sunday meal' according to himself.
Baked turkey breast, broasted potatoes, cauliflower and carrots.
Okay, so my favorite was the cauliflower. *chuckling* I've had whole meals of 'zapped cauliflower'--it's been a while.
I did remind him that I warned him numerous times "I do not cook." I even sorta kinda felt bad about that fact of my existance today. SORTA....
But....Yep, he remembers that--he even commented that he reminds himself frequently that I'm the woman who made whole meals from zapped cauliflower and nuked popcorn. He did know what I was when he picked me up. I just don't 'do' meals like 'normal people' do meals. Personally, I'm not that fixated with food...LOL
He did ask what in the world we did for Sunday dinner growing up.
Growing up Sunday meals happened after my father went to the bar--and generally involved eating out at the local chinese restraunt or pizzaria. That's IF he was sober. Mind you, drinking wasn't 'allowed' on Sundays and bars were closed for the day, period. 'Cept if your friend was the owner of the bar and you went to keep him company whilest he cleaned/tidied the bar. Then some drinking might happen. WOULD happen, if you were my father.
So that's what I knew of 'Sunday meals'.
The Brit found that sad. I don't know that it evokes any kind of emotion for me today--it doesn't hold a lot of power in my life.But I'd suppose it does sound pretty 'sad' to a two parent family where Sunday meals were three vegetables and a roasted something or other--with pie and custard immediately following--appetizers before if company was coming
I'll be having a turkey sandwich tomorrow, BTW.
Well, MAYBE I'll have that turkey and turn it into a sandwich. I'm thinking the odds are greater, however, give there's leftover fresh cauliflower......
:-)
Friday, October 14, 2005
Meditate on THIS says 'wiseperson in my life'.....
"Still more wonderful is the feeling that we do not have to be specially distinguished among our fellows in order to be useful and profoundly happy. Not many of us can be leaders of prominence, nor do we wish to be."
"Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God's scheme of things--these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes."
"True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God."
The response to self pitying, self absorbed, wah, wah, wah, poooooor little ol' mememe was the above and needed to be the above. G-d love wiseperson in my life for not lacking the courage to remind me of what's true.
Least I forget, was a time that I had none of the above. I was that square peg in the round hole, scrapping with everyone and everything, always searching for a way to be better or at least as good AS......and never knowing peace. It was a self constructed prison and I can build that any time I want--I certainly know how.
Some moments I forget what I had, what I chose, whose lives I wreaked havoc in, what damage I did to the innocents....
I am more than graced to have what I have today. And it's past time that I act like it.....
"Service, gladly rendered, obligations squarely met, troubles well accepted or solved with God's help, the knowledge that at home or in the world outside we are partners in a common effort, the well-understood fact that in God's sight all human beings are important, the proof that love freely given surely brings a full return, the certainty that we are no longer isolated and alone in self-constructed prisons, the surety that we need no longer be square pegs in round holes but can fit and belong in God's scheme of things--these are the permanent and legitimate satisfactions of right living for which no amount of pomp and circumstance, no heap of material possessions, could possibly be substitutes."
"True ambition is not what we thought it was. True ambition is the deep desire to live usefully and walk humbly under the grace of God."
The response to self pitying, self absorbed, wah, wah, wah, poooooor little ol' mememe was the above and needed to be the above. G-d love wiseperson in my life for not lacking the courage to remind me of what's true.
Least I forget, was a time that I had none of the above. I was that square peg in the round hole, scrapping with everyone and everything, always searching for a way to be better or at least as good AS......and never knowing peace. It was a self constructed prison and I can build that any time I want--I certainly know how.
Some moments I forget what I had, what I chose, whose lives I wreaked havoc in, what damage I did to the innocents....
I am more than graced to have what I have today. And it's past time that I act like it.....
Thursday, October 13, 2005
1 800 check-on-'erindoors
'Er indoors'.....what a lovely little piece of British culture.....*chuckling*
For SURE I've been called worse! ;-)
He must be a bit concerned that I'm on the verge of nucking futz.
He's rung three times already today to 'see how you're getting along'.
"Well, thanks dearheart--I've managed to get fifty-six of those treat bags filled, thanks for asking!"
"Wow.....well, I'm up to 103 bags filled! Wooohooooo for me! What's happening over there?"
And "They're doing going to make it official--you'll BE the King of Hearts if you're wearing one! Now, how cool is THAT?!" (yeah, well, he wasn't actually humoured by that one...he's muttering about social security numbers and insurance information and how in the world do Americans remember all these numbers?!) *shrugs*
Frankly, I'm more than a bit concerned about HIM. This is why 'we' are seeing the cardiologist and having this 'King of Hearts' monitor placed on him.
Truth be told, he's a tad concerned himself. He managed to tell me that this morning before he trotted off to play with trains. He's tired a lot, and he seems to think he ought not be. Now, keep in mind the man is attempting to pick up everything that I generally tend to but wonders why he's so dang tired.
'Course, I'd like to keep it that simple--and I have loads of hope that it is.
Just a smidgeon of fear--okay, maybe BIGGER than a smidgeon (who decides how BIG a smidgeon is, anyway?!).
But truly, we do what we can with the indicators that are given to us and put our stock in 'knowing' who's large and in charge today.
Suppose I oughta tell him I'm not gonna go over some 'edge'?
Nahhhhhhhh......I kinda LIKE getting multiple calls during the course of my ever so exciting day!
*chuckling*
For SURE I've been called worse! ;-)
He must be a bit concerned that I'm on the verge of nucking futz.
He's rung three times already today to 'see how you're getting along'.
"Well, thanks dearheart--I've managed to get fifty-six of those treat bags filled, thanks for asking!"
"Wow.....well, I'm up to 103 bags filled! Wooohooooo for me! What's happening over there?"
And "They're doing going to make it official--you'll BE the King of Hearts if you're wearing one! Now, how cool is THAT?!" (yeah, well, he wasn't actually humoured by that one...he's muttering about social security numbers and insurance information and how in the world do Americans remember all these numbers?!) *shrugs*
Frankly, I'm more than a bit concerned about HIM. This is why 'we' are seeing the cardiologist and having this 'King of Hearts' monitor placed on him.
Truth be told, he's a tad concerned himself. He managed to tell me that this morning before he trotted off to play with trains. He's tired a lot, and he seems to think he ought not be. Now, keep in mind the man is attempting to pick up everything that I generally tend to but wonders why he's so dang tired.
'Course, I'd like to keep it that simple--and I have loads of hope that it is.
Just a smidgeon of fear--okay, maybe BIGGER than a smidgeon (who decides how BIG a smidgeon is, anyway?!).
But truly, we do what we can with the indicators that are given to us and put our stock in 'knowing' who's large and in charge today.
Suppose I oughta tell him I'm not gonna go over some 'edge'?
Nahhhhhhhh......I kinda LIKE getting multiple calls during the course of my ever so exciting day!
*chuckling*
A.D.D.
The house is an utter disaster. *chuckling*
This will happen when you flit from project to project to project.
I've got a quilt hanging over the chair in the livingroom that's IN the quilting hoop. And there's another one on the floor BY the chair that's being pieced together. Yep.......and Holiday cards in the process of being made ALL over the diningroom table.
Oh, and you can't find the counterspace in the kitchen from the BAGS of goodies I've got lined up in assembly line fashion cuz I'm trying to put together the 120+ bags of treats for the little goblins who'll show up on Halloween.
And there's that case that has my stained glass pattern I'm working on BY the diningroom table--in case I get inspired, you know...
And the Brit walks in from work yesterday and says "so what have you done to busy yourself with today?" LOL
Ummm....I just smiled and hugged him hard. I think it took all of 20 seconds for the sites to be taken in. And nope, I couldn't let him outta the hug when he said "is the whole HOUSE askew with some project?" LOL I lied and assured him it was not....but I wasn't letting go in case he might have felt some need to wander into the study where I had piles of paperwork strewn about that folks from work had been kind enough to deliver.
Okay--so I'm a messy worker....LOL
And I don't DO idle time well.
.....Some projects get done bits at a time before you can progress...honest!
And some times, I'm just plain indulgant of the Attention Deficit Disorder.
LOLOL
This will happen when you flit from project to project to project.
I've got a quilt hanging over the chair in the livingroom that's IN the quilting hoop. And there's another one on the floor BY the chair that's being pieced together. Yep.......and Holiday cards in the process of being made ALL over the diningroom table.
Oh, and you can't find the counterspace in the kitchen from the BAGS of goodies I've got lined up in assembly line fashion cuz I'm trying to put together the 120+ bags of treats for the little goblins who'll show up on Halloween.
And there's that case that has my stained glass pattern I'm working on BY the diningroom table--in case I get inspired, you know...
And the Brit walks in from work yesterday and says "so what have you done to busy yourself with today?" LOL
Ummm....I just smiled and hugged him hard. I think it took all of 20 seconds for the sites to be taken in. And nope, I couldn't let him outta the hug when he said "is the whole HOUSE askew with some project?" LOL I lied and assured him it was not....but I wasn't letting go in case he might have felt some need to wander into the study where I had piles of paperwork strewn about that folks from work had been kind enough to deliver.
Okay--so I'm a messy worker....LOL
And I don't DO idle time well.
.....Some projects get done bits at a time before you can progress...honest!
And some times, I'm just plain indulgant of the Attention Deficit Disorder.
LOLOL
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Argggghhhh.....
I had it. Dammit, I had it in writing and I could have walked out with it had I lied. But did I lie, oh noooooooo.....cuz SOMEONE taught me honesty=the lack of intent to deceive oneself or others, absence of the truth is a lie.
And so I told the freaking truth and watched the stupid neurosurgeon cross off the permission to work 'part time as tolerated' as he spoke about HIS truth.
"You get ONE chance to heal. You get lots of chances to go back to work." And that's TEN pounds as a limit for lifting (not 20), and the mile walk ought to be LITTLE increments (not the whole mile all at once), and a bath is okay once a week but shower the other days, and try not to bend, twist or stretch, and do the 'acute' exercises given ON the bed--cuz "You have a hole in your back. And you get ONE chance to heal......"
I know he's looking after my best interest.
I even know he's right.
What I don't know is HOW in the world I'll stay sane for two more weeks of THIS. And after two more weeks of this "Call me and we'll have a conversation about whether you're ready to return to work at 'part time with limitations'."
And top that off with a husband who's gotta see a cardiologist.
I'm gonna be nuts in a few short DAYS, me thinks....
.....maybe even a few short HOURS.....
And so I told the freaking truth and watched the stupid neurosurgeon cross off the permission to work 'part time as tolerated' as he spoke about HIS truth.
"You get ONE chance to heal. You get lots of chances to go back to work." And that's TEN pounds as a limit for lifting (not 20), and the mile walk ought to be LITTLE increments (not the whole mile all at once), and a bath is okay once a week but shower the other days, and try not to bend, twist or stretch, and do the 'acute' exercises given ON the bed--cuz "You have a hole in your back. And you get ONE chance to heal......"
I know he's looking after my best interest.
I even know he's right.
What I don't know is HOW in the world I'll stay sane for two more weeks of THIS. And after two more weeks of this "Call me and we'll have a conversation about whether you're ready to return to work at 'part time with limitations'."
And top that off with a husband who's gotta see a cardiologist.
I'm gonna be nuts in a few short DAYS, me thinks....
.....maybe even a few short HOURS.....
If you want to know....ASK
I've learned a few lessons in this relationship with the Brit. And I've learned what's 'normal' and what's not with him.
And if he's not acting 'normal' (which could be a variety of 'ways of acting') then you ask until he wants to choke you:
"What's up?"
"What's wrong?"
"What's going on?"
And if you push enough (unfortunately true, but true nonetheless) you get an answer.
"OKAY--you want to know what's wrong?! I didn't want to bother you with it--you've enough on your plate right now and you don't need more! But my chest is tight and my hearts been fluttering for near an hour now and I just don't feel 'right'. THERE--you can be done asking."
They wanted him there by ambulance--which is their SOP. I was lucky to get him in the Jeep to get there. And the whole way I'm trying to figure out just how in the world I'm going to stop the Jeep, get him out, do CPR AND get help on the cellphone. Yes, I know the ambulance would have been the wiser move. There were no other symptoms and I checklisted them all. Still.....dumb move cuz it coulda been a disaster.
He's fine this morning and they did run the gambit on him. (even let me tear off one of those patches ever so slowly when he professed "I feel like a fraud." cuz even the doctor asked "You'd rather be having a heart attack?".......sheeeeeshhhh....He deserved the slow peel for that one!)
And this morning did he want to follow through with the doc's instructions to see our family physician to get a heart monitor put on?
NO. Of course not.
And did I pick up the phone and make that happen?.......
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' I DID.
He's had a fluttering heart for as long as he can remember--but not for an hour straight and not with a tight chest. And thanks, I'd just as soon (as he puts it) spend the money 'so the doctors can keep their wives in a fashion they're accustomed to' and have a LIVE AND WELL Brit than---than the flip side of that coin.
Good grief.....he's worse than I AM.
Would he do less for ME?
His answer--of course not.
I assured him HIS value in my life is no less than my value in his.
And he PROMISED he'd tell me if he was 'uncomfortable' again.
*sigh*
Feeling pretty outta control over here......
And if he's not acting 'normal' (which could be a variety of 'ways of acting') then you ask until he wants to choke you:
"What's up?"
"What's wrong?"
"What's going on?"
And if you push enough (unfortunately true, but true nonetheless) you get an answer.
"OKAY--you want to know what's wrong?! I didn't want to bother you with it--you've enough on your plate right now and you don't need more! But my chest is tight and my hearts been fluttering for near an hour now and I just don't feel 'right'. THERE--you can be done asking."
They wanted him there by ambulance--which is their SOP. I was lucky to get him in the Jeep to get there. And the whole way I'm trying to figure out just how in the world I'm going to stop the Jeep, get him out, do CPR AND get help on the cellphone. Yes, I know the ambulance would have been the wiser move. There were no other symptoms and I checklisted them all. Still.....dumb move cuz it coulda been a disaster.
He's fine this morning and they did run the gambit on him. (even let me tear off one of those patches ever so slowly when he professed "I feel like a fraud." cuz even the doctor asked "You'd rather be having a heart attack?".......sheeeeeshhhh....He deserved the slow peel for that one!)
And this morning did he want to follow through with the doc's instructions to see our family physician to get a heart monitor put on?
NO. Of course not.
And did I pick up the phone and make that happen?.......
YOU'RE DARN TOOTIN' I DID.
He's had a fluttering heart for as long as he can remember--but not for an hour straight and not with a tight chest. And thanks, I'd just as soon (as he puts it) spend the money 'so the doctors can keep their wives in a fashion they're accustomed to' and have a LIVE AND WELL Brit than---than the flip side of that coin.
Good grief.....he's worse than I AM.
Would he do less for ME?
His answer--of course not.
I assured him HIS value in my life is no less than my value in his.
And he PROMISED he'd tell me if he was 'uncomfortable' again.
*sigh*
Feeling pretty outta control over here......
Monday, October 10, 2005
Officially bored......*sigh*
Well, that was really sweet!
The Brit rang to check up on me...and to let me know he was sorry for leaving the house this morning without a good squeeze. (he was running late, like some chicken with it's head cut off...LOL) He's such a sweetheart.
And it's been an OH so productive day around this joint.
Lemme see...
The Brit rang to check up on me...and to let me know he was sorry for leaving the house this morning without a good squeeze. (he was running late, like some chicken with it's head cut off...LOL) He's such a sweetheart.
And it's been an OH so productive day around this joint.
Lemme see...
- took my 'allowed' walk
- manipulated taking a shower by climbing INTO the shower fully clothed to turn ON the shower--and promptly drenched myself...LOL....which was NOT cool! It's enough of a task to get out of dry clothing, thanksverymuch!
- cut out a bazillion squares from six yards of fabric for a quilt (yes, I DID bend--whatcha gonna DO about it?!)
- took another 'allowed' walk
- futzed around on the internet for a bit
- talked with a couple folks from work about 'stuff'
- talked with my boss--who's now made it abundantly clear that I will NOT return to work without my physician saying I'm okay to do so (crap, crap, crap!)
- called wiseperson in my life and let him know I was officially doing self pity AND fear over this stupid doctor's appointment tomorrow
- AND...plugged in Studley....LOL....cuz he's just too darn cute to leave all deflated on the ground
Oh yeah.....so far it's been a REAL productive day. NOT!
And do I expect the physician to give me the approval to return to work, status quo?
Nope......not if I tell him the truth.
Any bets on whether I'll lie? LOL
Sunday, October 09, 2005
Studley
I do have some rather gifted and very humourous people. The key people, I hired. They're people who are very much like me--at least like me at some some stage in my life. They, in turn, hired people who are a bit like them. In other words, they're an insane lot. LOL A GOOD group of people, but over the edge when it comes to 'play'.
So Friday I collect the mail from the mailbox and there's ten cards for the Brit. Most addressed TO "The Brit"....which was a clue, cuz his friends call him Steve....LOL
I called work cuz I knew they had to be the source.
Denial, denial, denial....even feigned indignation and a suggestion that perhaps he'd join a card exchange, or maybe had a harem somewhere that I didn't know about?
He DID laugh himself silly opening the ten cards of sympathy and condolence during his time of 'need'. LOL And he rang the work site to let them know they'd all gone MAD. They, I'm sure, got a good chuckle out of it. Besides, they just like me to 'make him talk'...LOL
He laughed.
And I was near tears at the wittiness of their comments about his poor suffering self having to endure this hardship of having me recovering at home....near him....and was there ANY hair left by now? LOL
Yesterday--after trying an adventure of breakfast out, a jaunt through a nearby park and some very limited shopping. (keep in mind that was four hours worth of going....LOL) We returned home to batch number two! MORE cards from ten more folks--I shudder to think how long they'll keep this up...LOL
And I had a present delivered, complete with a card.
Oh no....no, not flowers--though that WOULD be the typical and socially accepted 'thinking of you and wishing for a speedy recovery' kinda gift to give.
OH no....
Contraire!
I get "Studley".
Yep.....Studley the 8 foot inflatable spider. LOL
He looks REAL nice on the corner of the lot by the gravestones and that ookey spookey tree the Brit just bought yesterday (even though HE'S the one who commented LAST week that we had sooooooo much Halloween stuff that we couldn't even MOVE safely in the house....LOL...which just MIGHT be accurate! LOL)
Yep---Studley.
WAY better than flowers!
And they even got THE one staff member who's DEATHLY afraid of spiders to retrieve Studley from the store!
THEY are one creative, motley crew!
Gotta love 'em a whole lot.
Now.....this is where I start plotting and planning on how to play with each and every one of THEM! LOL
That's okay...I have TIME to plot and plan.....
*evil laugh*
So Friday I collect the mail from the mailbox and there's ten cards for the Brit. Most addressed TO "The Brit"....which was a clue, cuz his friends call him Steve....LOL
I called work cuz I knew they had to be the source.
Denial, denial, denial....even feigned indignation and a suggestion that perhaps he'd join a card exchange, or maybe had a harem somewhere that I didn't know about?
He DID laugh himself silly opening the ten cards of sympathy and condolence during his time of 'need'. LOL And he rang the work site to let them know they'd all gone MAD. They, I'm sure, got a good chuckle out of it. Besides, they just like me to 'make him talk'...LOL
He laughed.
And I was near tears at the wittiness of their comments about his poor suffering self having to endure this hardship of having me recovering at home....near him....and was there ANY hair left by now? LOL
Yesterday--after trying an adventure of breakfast out, a jaunt through a nearby park and some very limited shopping. (keep in mind that was four hours worth of going....LOL) We returned home to batch number two! MORE cards from ten more folks--I shudder to think how long they'll keep this up...LOL
And I had a present delivered, complete with a card.
Oh no....no, not flowers--though that WOULD be the typical and socially accepted 'thinking of you and wishing for a speedy recovery' kinda gift to give.
OH no....
Contraire!
I get "Studley".
Yep.....Studley the 8 foot inflatable spider. LOL
He looks REAL nice on the corner of the lot by the gravestones and that ookey spookey tree the Brit just bought yesterday (even though HE'S the one who commented LAST week that we had sooooooo much Halloween stuff that we couldn't even MOVE safely in the house....LOL...which just MIGHT be accurate! LOL)
Yep---Studley.
WAY better than flowers!
And they even got THE one staff member who's DEATHLY afraid of spiders to retrieve Studley from the store!
THEY are one creative, motley crew!
Gotta love 'em a whole lot.
Now.....this is where I start plotting and planning on how to play with each and every one of THEM! LOL
That's okay...I have TIME to plot and plan.....
*evil laugh*
Friday, October 07, 2005
Recluse Paradise
Staying at home has now become expensive. LOLOL
Yep, I've discovered one can REALLY refine their recluse abilities by shopping online. I'd never have to leave the house! The local grocery store really will deliver to the house AND I CAN do holiday shopping from the confines of these four walls!
I'm rather please, actually.
I found some GREAT train stuff for the Brit on the internet. It'll be great in the trainroom--once I get the flexability to actually MOVE to put up the ceiling and put down the floor! *sigh* If that's EVER.
I'm so freaking impatient about this healing time.
But I did get out for lunch Wednesday. Of course, I had to do a trial run of actually getting in and out of my car. The Jeep is one thing, it's higher. The car.....entirely another story. And there was NO WAY I was going to embarass myself by trying that on a strange car. I'm not that desperate--------yet.......
But the practice run went well.
And then it came to actually meeting folks at the eatery. NOT so smooth. LOL I could get in fairly well...it was the getting OUT that was a sight, I'm sure.
But I was smart! I had my cellphone on me in case I got stuck and needed help getting out.
And I did threaten the gal ahead of time--if I HAD to ring and she TOLD folks where she was going and why....bad, bad, horrible, rotten things were going to befall her.
I so don't do humility well, huh? LOL
BUT I can shop for just about anything one could possibly want from the comfort of the one chair IN the entire house that feels okey dokey on my back.
I should be grateful that's the computer chair, huh? LOL
Yep, I've discovered one can REALLY refine their recluse abilities by shopping online. I'd never have to leave the house! The local grocery store really will deliver to the house AND I CAN do holiday shopping from the confines of these four walls!
I'm rather please, actually.
I found some GREAT train stuff for the Brit on the internet. It'll be great in the trainroom--once I get the flexability to actually MOVE to put up the ceiling and put down the floor! *sigh* If that's EVER.
I'm so freaking impatient about this healing time.
But I did get out for lunch Wednesday. Of course, I had to do a trial run of actually getting in and out of my car. The Jeep is one thing, it's higher. The car.....entirely another story. And there was NO WAY I was going to embarass myself by trying that on a strange car. I'm not that desperate--------yet.......
But the practice run went well.
And then it came to actually meeting folks at the eatery. NOT so smooth. LOL I could get in fairly well...it was the getting OUT that was a sight, I'm sure.
But I was smart! I had my cellphone on me in case I got stuck and needed help getting out.
And I did threaten the gal ahead of time--if I HAD to ring and she TOLD folks where she was going and why....bad, bad, horrible, rotten things were going to befall her.
I so don't do humility well, huh? LOL
BUT I can shop for just about anything one could possibly want from the comfort of the one chair IN the entire house that feels okey dokey on my back.
I should be grateful that's the computer chair, huh? LOL
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Knowledge, Identity and Pride.......
Knowledge
Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.
We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.
Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.
The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.
When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.
Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How can I do what you say," asked the child, "and still be me?"
"Look at me," said the tree. "I bend in the wind, droop in the rain. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"Look at me," said the man. "I can't change."
"Look at me," said the tree. "I change every season from green to brown to green again, from bud to flower to fallen leaf. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"I can't love anymore," said the woman. "With my love, I have given away all that I am."
"Look at me," said the tree. "There are robins in my branches, owls in my trunk, moss and ladybugs living on my bark. They may take what I have, but not what I am."
Whether we know it or not, we are like the tree. Only our pride hangs on to a false sense of self, wanting to keep everything, refusing to follow advice or orders.
What we do doesn't matter; how we do it is what counts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a thing or two I have yet to learn. And one of them is to come to grips that my whole identity will not be compromised by changing something.
See, I like who I am, who I was designed TO be. And while I know I've not 'arrived', I know I am so much more that loving child of G-d than I've ever been in my lifetime. My kicking and screaming routine is something I enjoy--it's nothing I actually want to surrender. It's been a part of me forever--and I've got a whole lot of my identity wrapped up in that. I don't go quietly....folks know that about me and I get a whole lot of pride out of that. (which is probably wrong, huh?)
Last night the Brit stuffed me in the Jeep and took me out to dinner. It was nice to get out of the house! I NEEDED to get out of the house and be around other living, breathing entities. And I'm sitting there with ears, shoulders and hips aligned (oy..) and himself informs me I look like some teacher--or a Judge.
My response? "Yeah, but do I look like someone you'd wanna f*** with?"
*sigh*
And I was HAPPY when he said (after scolding me for my language...LOL) "Absolutely NOT, dear!"
*sigh*
I'm gonna wrestle with this "letting things look how they ARE" for a very long time. Obviously.
I know I'll get there when I get there, IF I get there. And I'll practice, practice, practice--
I NEED to remember that my whole identity isn't going to change if I change this one thing. I really will still BE ME.
Pride and ego.
PRIDE AND EGO.
It ALWAYS comes back to pride and ego.
And fear.
Stupid fear!
*sigh*
Learn to let yourself be guided into truth.
We will know what we need to know, when we need to know that. We don't have to feel badly about taking our own time to reach our insights. We don't have to force insight or awareness before it's time.
Yes! Maybe the whole world saw a particular truth in our life, and we denied it - until we were ready to deal with it. That is our business, and our right! Our process is our own, and we will discover our truths at the right time, when we are ready, when the learning experience is complete.
The most growth-producing concept we can develop for others and ourselves is to allow ourselves to have our own process. We can give and receive support and encouragement while we go through this process. We can listen to others and say what we think. We can set boundaries and take care of ourselves, when needed. But we still give others and ourselves the right to grow at our own pace, without judgment, and with much trust that all is well and is on schedule.
When we are ready, when the time is right, and when our Higher Power is ready - we will know what we need to know.
Today, I will let myself and others have our own pace and time schedule for growth and change. I will trust that I will be empowered with insights and the tools for dealing with these insights, at the right time.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"How can I do what you say," asked the child, "and still be me?"
"Look at me," said the tree. "I bend in the wind, droop in the rain. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"Look at me," said the man. "I can't change."
"Look at me," said the tree. "I change every season from green to brown to green again, from bud to flower to fallen leaf. Yet I always remain myself, a tree."
"I can't love anymore," said the woman. "With my love, I have given away all that I am."
"Look at me," said the tree. "There are robins in my branches, owls in my trunk, moss and ladybugs living on my bark. They may take what I have, but not what I am."
Whether we know it or not, we are like the tree. Only our pride hangs on to a false sense of self, wanting to keep everything, refusing to follow advice or orders.
What we do doesn't matter; how we do it is what counts.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There's a thing or two I have yet to learn. And one of them is to come to grips that my whole identity will not be compromised by changing something.
See, I like who I am, who I was designed TO be. And while I know I've not 'arrived', I know I am so much more that loving child of G-d than I've ever been in my lifetime. My kicking and screaming routine is something I enjoy--it's nothing I actually want to surrender. It's been a part of me forever--and I've got a whole lot of my identity wrapped up in that. I don't go quietly....folks know that about me and I get a whole lot of pride out of that. (which is probably wrong, huh?)
Last night the Brit stuffed me in the Jeep and took me out to dinner. It was nice to get out of the house! I NEEDED to get out of the house and be around other living, breathing entities. And I'm sitting there with ears, shoulders and hips aligned (oy..) and himself informs me I look like some teacher--or a Judge.
My response? "Yeah, but do I look like someone you'd wanna f*** with?"
*sigh*
And I was HAPPY when he said (after scolding me for my language...LOL) "Absolutely NOT, dear!"
*sigh*
I'm gonna wrestle with this "letting things look how they ARE" for a very long time. Obviously.
I know I'll get there when I get there, IF I get there. And I'll practice, practice, practice--
I NEED to remember that my whole identity isn't going to change if I change this one thing. I really will still BE ME.
Pride and ego.
PRIDE AND EGO.
It ALWAYS comes back to pride and ego.
And fear.
Stupid fear!
*sigh*
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Ouchie and Owwie......
"How honest is it to withhold what's going on in your head and your heart because you somehow have convinced yourself that someone doesn't 'need that'? WHO ARE YOU to decide FOR someone what 'they need'?"
Ouch. Owwwwwww.... *holding heart*
THAT one hurt.
;-)
I suspect it wasn't SUPPOSE to feel all warm and gooshy.
One day you're singing praises of wiseperson in your life, the next you're walking around wounded. LOL
Gotta love 'em though.
I think it was that *tap tap tap* on the shoulder that clued me in RIGHT before I was blasted with the question. LOL I shoulda ducked and ran...LOL Only it's 'disallowed' to do either right now thanks to back surgery. Dangit anyway.....
So I did what ANY good wounded person would do.....I rang the OTHER wiseperson in my life and whined. LOL
Talk about a brilliant move on my part. Oy....
Ever had the phone beat on the counter and someone say "WHAT did you say? There's a really BAD connection going on here....did you say something?" while you're trying to whine and solicit pity cuz someone hurt your precious fragile little alcoholic feeling?
I think it was how I started the sentence that did me in. "I was JUST trying......" *sigh* I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
"I was just" = lemme justIFY what I did so it makes sense and I can be RIGHT.
And the OTHER wiseperson in my life ended up saying this:
"Mel---if you've always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. I thought we were working on letting things LOOK how they are. You're still wanting to make things look like they're not. I thought you'd ran that til the wheels fell off....guess not, huh?"
My jaws locked cuz I couldn't argue--even though I WANTED to! LOL
So....
I've prayed about it....LOL..cuz that's what I do when I know I probably NEED to do different and even though I really don't WANNA do different. And I know I get to DO different today.
And I can stop lying to myself and the world around me now.
Shhheeeesssssshhhhh......I'm SUCH a little liar!
It wasn't 'compassion' driving the decision to not talk with himself about some things. It was fear. It wasn't 'not wanting to add to all this stuff going on for the man', though that WAS the compassionate and loving thing to dub it--it was about pure, unadulterated fear. Boy, I don't LIKE that I'm so fear driven some moments........*sigh*
And we'll be talking about sex tonight. LOL
One of HIS least favorite things to talk.
Cuz see, we've been forced to be in separate rooms because of all this back stuff. And now surgery has happened. Things get to be different.
We don't like being separated at the end of the day.
That much we've talked.
But there's that fear of what next and where do we go from here that's going on that we've not discussed.
And yep, he's got a full plate with stuff going on at his work and stuff going on with the kiddos.....and this physical stuff going on with the wife. And yep, he's working himself silly trying to take care of all this 'stuff' that I generally do that I cannot do today.
But I get to wade through this stuff with him and let him know what's scaring the crap outta me anyway. And I get to let it look how it is......
OH BOY! We'll be having FUN tonight.....LOL
And yes, I'll ring wiseperson(s) in my life and let them know they were RIGHT and I was WRONG.
Geeze, I STILL don't like saying "I was WRONG."
LOLOL
Oh WELL! LOL
Ouch. Owwwwwww.... *holding heart*
THAT one hurt.
;-)
I suspect it wasn't SUPPOSE to feel all warm and gooshy.
One day you're singing praises of wiseperson in your life, the next you're walking around wounded. LOL
Gotta love 'em though.
I think it was that *tap tap tap* on the shoulder that clued me in RIGHT before I was blasted with the question. LOL I shoulda ducked and ran...LOL Only it's 'disallowed' to do either right now thanks to back surgery. Dangit anyway.....
So I did what ANY good wounded person would do.....I rang the OTHER wiseperson in my life and whined. LOL
Talk about a brilliant move on my part. Oy....
Ever had the phone beat on the counter and someone say "WHAT did you say? There's a really BAD connection going on here....did you say something?" while you're trying to whine and solicit pity cuz someone hurt your precious fragile little alcoholic feeling?
I think it was how I started the sentence that did me in. "I was JUST trying......" *sigh* I KNOW BETTER THAN THAT.
"I was just" = lemme justIFY what I did so it makes sense and I can be RIGHT.
And the OTHER wiseperson in my life ended up saying this:
"Mel---if you've always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. I thought we were working on letting things LOOK how they are. You're still wanting to make things look like they're not. I thought you'd ran that til the wheels fell off....guess not, huh?"
My jaws locked cuz I couldn't argue--even though I WANTED to! LOL
So....
I've prayed about it....LOL..cuz that's what I do when I know I probably NEED to do different and even though I really don't WANNA do different. And I know I get to DO different today.
And I can stop lying to myself and the world around me now.
Shhheeeesssssshhhhh......I'm SUCH a little liar!
It wasn't 'compassion' driving the decision to not talk with himself about some things. It was fear. It wasn't 'not wanting to add to all this stuff going on for the man', though that WAS the compassionate and loving thing to dub it--it was about pure, unadulterated fear. Boy, I don't LIKE that I'm so fear driven some moments........*sigh*
And we'll be talking about sex tonight. LOL
One of HIS least favorite things to talk.
Cuz see, we've been forced to be in separate rooms because of all this back stuff. And now surgery has happened. Things get to be different.
We don't like being separated at the end of the day.
That much we've talked.
But there's that fear of what next and where do we go from here that's going on that we've not discussed.
And yep, he's got a full plate with stuff going on at his work and stuff going on with the kiddos.....and this physical stuff going on with the wife. And yep, he's working himself silly trying to take care of all this 'stuff' that I generally do that I cannot do today.
But I get to wade through this stuff with him and let him know what's scaring the crap outta me anyway. And I get to let it look how it is......
OH BOY! We'll be having FUN tonight.....LOL
And yes, I'll ring wiseperson(s) in my life and let them know they were RIGHT and I was WRONG.
Geeze, I STILL don't like saying "I was WRONG."
LOLOL
Oh WELL! LOL
Monday, October 03, 2005
Is there such a thing as TOO nice?
I asked this question elsewhere and got some interesting, if not predictable, answers.
Seems the consensus is 'yep--a person can be too nice'.
And I'd argue.
LOL Heck, I'd argue just about anything--I'm like that.
I don't think there's such a thing as 'too nice'.
There is, however, such a thing as people taking advantage of nice folks. It's something I was accustomed to doing and was a professional at, once upon a time.
And once upon a time I would have been a member of the consensus. There was a time that I gave and gave and gave and folks took that and ran and ran and ran with it.
I considered 'setting boundaries' and talked with wiseperson in my life about it.
I claimed to be 'too nice'. LOL HE assured me I was NOT...and that I had a whole lot of NICE to make up, given how I'd chose to live my life. So when I talked with him about setting boundaries, he talked with me about boundaries keeping people OUT and my 'job' was to invite people in. You can't be of service to G-d and others if you're putting up fences.
So--I was suppose to LET people run it for all it's worth?
Yep....and LOVE them in the process.
When I started to get resentful--then MY problem needed waded through. If MY motives started sucking, then THAT needed wading through. If I compromised what was healthy and good--THAT needed wading through. Cuz I'D have the problem.
Hmmm....
Now, that didn't make sense to me--oh great person of logic that I tend to be. If it doesn't 'make sense', then my answer has, historically been, to simply NOT do it. But I knew wiseperson would be keeping tabs and if HE was saying change nothing, then nothing was what I was going to change. It spared me from getting whapped on the back of the head..LOL
And I changed nothing, except my degree of compassion for other human beings, how I looked at everything and how I defined loving without condition.
Giving didn't hurt me one iota.
Oh, there have been those who took advantage of the gifts--I figure they must really be having a tough go to do that and obviously they're in need--even if it's an emotional need to feel 'more than' cuz they're figuring me for a sucker. What sadness that brings me for them.
Can I assure you that what I've gotten in return is far more valuable than anything the 'too nice' has 'cost me'?
Peace. Cuz I know it's been love without condition.
Peace because I know it's not mine to decide who's deserving and who's not.
Peace because my motives are pure and good.....
I'm not perfect at it, yet--I'm guessing that means more practice for MEMEME! LOL
Wiseperson in my life really can be a pain in the rearend.....but he IS one of THE wisest and most loving persons I've been graced to cross paths with.
Seems the consensus is 'yep--a person can be too nice'.
And I'd argue.
LOL Heck, I'd argue just about anything--I'm like that.
I don't think there's such a thing as 'too nice'.
There is, however, such a thing as people taking advantage of nice folks. It's something I was accustomed to doing and was a professional at, once upon a time.
And once upon a time I would have been a member of the consensus. There was a time that I gave and gave and gave and folks took that and ran and ran and ran with it.
I considered 'setting boundaries' and talked with wiseperson in my life about it.
I claimed to be 'too nice'. LOL HE assured me I was NOT...and that I had a whole lot of NICE to make up, given how I'd chose to live my life. So when I talked with him about setting boundaries, he talked with me about boundaries keeping people OUT and my 'job' was to invite people in. You can't be of service to G-d and others if you're putting up fences.
So--I was suppose to LET people run it for all it's worth?
Yep....and LOVE them in the process.
When I started to get resentful--then MY problem needed waded through. If MY motives started sucking, then THAT needed wading through. If I compromised what was healthy and good--THAT needed wading through. Cuz I'D have the problem.
Hmmm....
Now, that didn't make sense to me--oh great person of logic that I tend to be. If it doesn't 'make sense', then my answer has, historically been, to simply NOT do it. But I knew wiseperson would be keeping tabs and if HE was saying change nothing, then nothing was what I was going to change. It spared me from getting whapped on the back of the head..LOL
And I changed nothing, except my degree of compassion for other human beings, how I looked at everything and how I defined loving without condition.
Giving didn't hurt me one iota.
Oh, there have been those who took advantage of the gifts--I figure they must really be having a tough go to do that and obviously they're in need--even if it's an emotional need to feel 'more than' cuz they're figuring me for a sucker. What sadness that brings me for them.
Can I assure you that what I've gotten in return is far more valuable than anything the 'too nice' has 'cost me'?
Peace. Cuz I know it's been love without condition.
Peace because I know it's not mine to decide who's deserving and who's not.
Peace because my motives are pure and good.....
I'm not perfect at it, yet--I'm guessing that means more practice for MEMEME! LOL
Wiseperson in my life really can be a pain in the rearend.....but he IS one of THE wisest and most loving persons I've been graced to cross paths with.
Sunday, October 02, 2005
Shopping 101
I never DID make it to the grocery store adventure. Himself decided that I needed to be done and went by his lonesome. This is an okay thing--grocery shopping is on the top ten of my 'detest doing' list. Personally, I'm one to go in, get it, and get the hell out. This is how I shop, period! Shopping is not a social event, contrary to people's desire to make it one. I don't stop in the aisles to have 'chats' about the husband, kids or the boss who's feared and hated with folks who happen to be IN the store at the same time I am. It's just not my deal. Heck, those things aren't my deal when I'm NOT shopping! *shaking head* I've much better things to do with my time.....sheeeeeshhh
So--no shopping for groceries!
But we DID go shopping!
There were one or two to choose from! LOL
And we did choose three.
Okay, we chose three pumpkins of the large size.
We also chose two pumpkins of the small size and three of the wee size.
AND six awesomely cool gords. AND some indian corn.
It was a GREAT adventure!
And I discovered, once again, that I'm graced to have someone who doesn't just 'put up with' my quirky childlike ways, but embraces and indulges them.
WE have pumpkins for Jack-o-lanterns!
:-)
So--no shopping for groceries!
But we DID go shopping!
There were one or two to choose from! LOL
And we did choose three.
Okay, we chose three pumpkins of the large size.
We also chose two pumpkins of the small size and three of the wee size.
AND six awesomely cool gords. AND some indian corn.
It was a GREAT adventure!
And I discovered, once again, that I'm graced to have someone who doesn't just 'put up with' my quirky childlike ways, but embraces and indulges them.
WE have pumpkins for Jack-o-lanterns!
:-)
Saturday, October 01, 2005
They say it's your birthday--
Happy Birthday TO you....
*humming*
Good grief--it IS my birthday......*sigh*
And today we'll...... . . . . . Well--today we'll consider PERHAPS getting in the car to get groceries. I'll get to walk along and look at the canned goods. LOL We talked about an adventure, but I'm thinking that's not going to happen--unless I create it in the grocery store! (which IS possible--I'm a pretty creative kinda gal) I'm thinking this back isn't going to take a ride in the Jeep well. I'm convinced I won't get OUT of the car if I can even get IN it. LOL Yep, I'm thinking the adventure will get to wait.
Nevermind that I'm missing the Pumpkin Festival.
Nevermind that the maples are starting to turn on the Mississippi.
Nevermind that the apple orchards ARE selling fresh pressed cider now.
*grumbling*
But I will get to go to the grocery store! Wooooohoooooo!!!!!
Can ya tell I'm sooooooooooo tired of being in the house? LOL
Happy Birthday TO ME!!! :-)
*humming*
Good grief--it IS my birthday......*sigh*
And today we'll...... . . . . . Well--today we'll consider PERHAPS getting in the car to get groceries. I'll get to walk along and look at the canned goods. LOL We talked about an adventure, but I'm thinking that's not going to happen--unless I create it in the grocery store! (which IS possible--I'm a pretty creative kinda gal) I'm thinking this back isn't going to take a ride in the Jeep well. I'm convinced I won't get OUT of the car if I can even get IN it. LOL Yep, I'm thinking the adventure will get to wait.
Nevermind that I'm missing the Pumpkin Festival.
Nevermind that the maples are starting to turn on the Mississippi.
Nevermind that the apple orchards ARE selling fresh pressed cider now.
*grumbling*
But I will get to go to the grocery store! Wooooohoooooo!!!!!
Can ya tell I'm sooooooooooo tired of being in the house? LOL
Happy Birthday TO ME!!! :-)
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