Pin for today

The Stockings

Sleeping with Bread

Step One: Honesty

Step Two: Hope

Step Three: Faith

Step Four: Courage

Step Five: Integrity/Trust

Step Six: Willingness

Step Seven: Humility

Step Eight: Brotherly Love/Responsibility

Step Nine: Justice/Self Discipline

Step Ten: Perserverance

Step Eleven: Spirituality

Step Twelve: Service

The principles have been my consolation for the week. I haven't had to question 'what's the right thing to do here'....I've known. Even when I've wanted to blast some people into oblivion, I managed to pause and do 'right things'. That's been a biggie for me this week. I haven't made messes between myself and others that I've had to humble myself to go back and clean up. Even when I've wanted to come at 'em with both barrels, I've done right things.

I haven't 'zactly been loving and tolerant in my brain....but outwardly I've been able to practice the principles and keep doing right things--regardless of how I've felt or what I mighta wanted to do....

And the thinking and desire to do bodily harm to others--I've been able to hand over to the Big Guy....and I've prayed for them to have GOOD things in their life. k.....I admit, on a couple of occasions, I snuck in a 'but you know what I really want'. I've been able to go back and correct that between me and the Big Guy.

That buying of time, acting on the principles and not on Mel's desire to squish their little heads into the pencil sharpener (....LOL) has been a good thing.

It meant that people felt okay to come to me and tell me some things they might not have otherwise been willing to tell me. It meant that I came to a better understanding of what was driving their decision making. It meant not acting on assumptions and creating interpersonal messes.
It meant I got to keep my integrity ....and my respect.

I'm old school.
Wisepersoninmylife taught me about principled living. Basic stuff--basics that other people just seemed to 'know' and 'do' without a whole lot of thought.
It's been years and years of practice for me.
I still don't have it down perfect--I doubt that I ever will, but I'll keep trying.

Aim for perfection, accept less...

And while I'm trying to 'Be still and KNOW...' I have a blueprint for what to do, regardless of what I feel or think.
I'm not busy reacting and creating messes that I'm rushing around trying to clean up.
I'm not so engulfed in the humility it takes to do that--and I'm freed up to listen and hear and see.....

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Thought for the Day

Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.

Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.

Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.

Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.

Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.

Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.

Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are practicing new behaviors or washing the dishes.

Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.

Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward.

But we are.

The task at hand during times of discipline is simple: listen, trust, and obey.

The Violin

TFTD

What you think, the way you feel, the things you believe combine to create the filter through which you experience life.

What passes through that filter is exactly what you allow to pass through.

You cannot change what already is, yet you can decide precisely what you will take from it and what you will do with it.

No matter what happens, you have the power to make of it what you will.

We went on an adventure!

And we saw wee trains!!

VERY cool wee trains, I might add.

A Granddad giggle

Even sick, she makes me smile.....

Eventually I'll pull up my big girl panties and get over it...

If we don't feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face them tomorrow.


Well then.....thank you Reading Fairies.
Cuz my head's been filled with a bunch of angry thinking.
I haven't acted angry--I'm sure I've looked composed and calm and reasonable as I go around acting composed, calm and reasonable

<-- am none of the above in my brain

So excuse my tantrum... I know I keep coming back to this CRAP time and time and time again.

It probably involves a 'surrender' of some type....and apparently the 'surrender' hasn't happened YET.

I'm tired.....TIRED of every freaking thing revolving around food.
I don't even LIKE food. Seriously.. I've had this long standing deal with food/weight/body image. I can trace it wayyyy back--and I have traced it wayyyyyy back. I don't have a 'good relationship' with food.
I know food's required.
I know it's fuel for the body.

Hold on......I'm trying to act composed and calm and reasonable about all this even now... Lemme try this again. I'm tired of every freaking thing revolving around food.

My weight (or lack thereof).
My size.
My overall appearance.
My ability to go places and do things that the people around me would like me to be included in.
Conversations...sometimes HEATED conversations.
People crying in frustration because they're worried about me.
People assuming responsibility to solve the stupid issue because they're so frustrated.
Arguments.
Powerstruggles.
All the attention that it gets given.
All the decision making that revolves around it.
The freaking inconveniences.....

Nope--can't have dressing for Thanksgiving--can't cook a flour product with the gluten free turkey... 'cross contamination'.
Nope--won't be baking a pie this year or ANY year
Nope--don't touch that loaf of bread that's in the house for sandwiches for those who can eat wheat products.
Nope--can't have that piece of licorice.
Nope...can't go there for dinner cuz they have no gluten free items on the menu.
Nope--can't wear that...too big.
Nope--it's hanging from you.
Nope....I won't buy it (even thought it looks really good) because you can't have it.
Nope--we'll leave after you eat something.
Nope....we'll stay home--you look tired and worn out.
Nope, nope....nope!

Every day I go to the closet and I'm not exactly pleased.

Every day I do a battle over walking past things I can't have, can't touch, can't do--and every day I get grief about not eating. I can't eat that....and I'm not in a position to find something TO eat cuz it's just not feasible/doable at that moment in time.....
Or I eat something they think 'doesn't count'.
Or I've waited TO eat something I can safely have and now it's so freaking late and I'm so tired that all I wanna do is go to sleep...
I can't eat that stuff at work, period......even if it doesn't have flour IN it, it was baked in the oven with other flour products.......NO I'm not 'starving myself'. Gawd......
I ain't telling people what happens when I DO eat that stuff......that ain't their problem OR their business.
NO I'm not going to other people's houses for a meal.
Nope...ain't gonna inconvenience the rest of the world who can be around and DO and be okay with all this food crap. Do what you want to do and I'll figure it out later--I'll fix myself something when I get home.
Go ahead and have what you want....I'll FIX MY OWN dinner.

Being checked up on for G-ds' sake.
People popping into my office.
Getting handed something as I'm racing out the door for work......
The boss asking if I've had a chance to have something to eat?

And really....I don't like meat. I've never liked meat. I'm never going to like meat.

Eating is going to be a battle for me every day. IT JUST IS.
Some days it's a bigger battle....it becomes bigger when I let those comments about food/eating/size get bigger. And they get bigger if I have a 'doesn't fit' moment.
Really--it's NOT MY FAULT 'smalls' belts hang like a 'V' on me. Once upon a time longggggg ago it was a deliberate and personal QUEST..... That ain't the case today.
I worked hard to not let it BE the quest.

I don't know why I fluctuate in sizes of clothing, I just DO.
Quit telling me my bones stick out. Quit telling me how thin I am.
For once in my life I can SEE how crappy I look.....

NO I'm not focused on my weight/size......but damn sure the rest of the world is around me!



And as I try to keep the focus OFF all that so I can DO right things.....the world around me keeps pulling it back.
Make 'em shut up and leave me alone......

Today's Fairy Reading

It's okay to be angry, but it isn't healthy to be resentful. Regardless of what we learned as children, no matter what we saw role modeled, we can learn to deal with our anger in ways that are healthy for us and for those around us. We can have our angry feelings. We can connect with them, own them, and feel them, express them, release them, and be done with them.

We can learn to listen to what anger is telling us about what we want and need in order to take care of ourselves.

Sometimes we can even indulge in angry feelings that aren't justified. Feelings are just feelings; there is no morality in the feeling, only in our behavior. We can feel angry without hurting or abusing others or ourselves. We can learn to deal with anger in ways that benefit our relationships instead of ways that harm them.

If we don't feel our angry feelings today, we will need to face them tomorrow.

Today, I will let myself feel my anger. I will express my anger appropriately, without guilt. Then I will be done with it.

*humming*

Lay down your head and I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep and I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love for the road that you go

May you sail far to the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls at your head and your feet
And may you need never to banish misfortune
May you find kindness in all that you meet

May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay

May you bring love and may you bring happiness
Be loved in return to the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep, I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while and sing loo-li, lai-lay

May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay

Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay...

Excuse me

So --the Brit has a slight problem with the wiring on his train layout and needed something to fix it....... I sent him down to the local hardware store to find it.

It's a great old place--older than old. I'm sure they don't know half of what's in there. Great tin ceilings, they sell ya however many nails/screws/bolts you actually need and pull them out of oak drawers built into the wall. It's an amazingly 'old, small town' kinda place.

He got a bit bucky about goin'.....seems he can spend a bunch of time just giving the locals a hard time in that little place..... And he didn't wanna spend time 'faffing about'. LOL (what a great term!) But off he went!

And when he got back home after his adventure I had to laugh.

I love that old fella at the hardware store. He makes me die....

"Oh? Why'szat?"

I went in and asked if they had crocodile clips.....and the old fella said 'nope.'. And JUST as I'm about to the door he says '.....but I do have alligator clips........that's what we call 'em here. Want them instead?'. What a smart arse.

<-- lost it laughing

Well.....



Gotta love when someone gets him before he gets them. LOL

...rawr....

The sister that had the H1N1 flu--now has another strand of flu. *sigh*

And we have the bug....cuz she stayed the night.
She's a sick bug.
Rattlin' and coughin' and tuggin' on the ears...
Poor thing.....
Crabby--which is unusual and an indicator of how unwell she feels.

Awwwwwwwww...... :-(

It's okay--she's snugglin' with granddad as I type.
I'm sure he'll make her feel all better.


<-- feels all better knowin' she's snugglin' with granddad. ....kinda.....

TFTD

Happiness is as free an option as sorrow.

Perceiving our challenges as opportunities for positive growth rather than stumbling blocks in our path to success is a choice readily available.

What is inevitable - a matter over which we have no choice - is that difficult times, painful experiences will visit us.

We can, however, greet them like welcome guests, celebrating their blessings on us and the personal growth they inspire.

No circumstance demands suffering.

Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!

Today's Fairy Reminder

When we take the time to really see others, we may discover they are frightened, timid people longing for understanding.

When we get beyond reacting to their outward behavior and move toward viewing their inner selves, it is much easier to extend a hand of friendship, to say we care, and truly mean it.

Who can I see as they really are today?

The Emu

k......so we put off shopping for Thanksgiving dinner a bit too long.

We.
Ummmmm......

HE.

It's not like the day's not circled and stickered on the calendar IN THE KITCHEN.
And it's not like we didn't talk last week about why people buy their turkey ahead of time (which he thought was silly, justsoyaknow!).

*shaking head*

Yeah, well..... HE opted to wait until Monday, cuz...

Mentioning that I mentioned the need to shop for Thanksgiving LAST WEEK....was NOT a wise thing to do.

Well, it wasn't wise to mention it then..... But I've worked on 'im and I'm thinking he's to the 'I can laugh about this now' stage.


It only took three calls to work. (excuse me if I laugh.... I know I will.....)

The first was from the grocery store....of course.

Oh dear--I might have waited a bit too long. But--they DO have turkeys. They are a bit--large. (Twenty two pounds worth of large....LOL)

Personally, I thought it was a 'no-brainer' "Oooookaaaaaay...... Soooooo.....get the bit large turkey?"
MISTAKE!! Yeah, BOY was that a mistake!

The second call was from the house--IN a bit of a panic when he actually lugged the 'bit large' turkey into the house and tried to put all 22 pounds of that turkey into the freezer...

This is NOT a turkey--it's an emu.

"Put the ice cream back in the freezer dearheart. The emu needs to go in the fridge-- He needs to thaw. Thanksgiving is Thursday-- 'member?"
Riiighhhhttttt....

Third call --
Right. I have the emu in the refridgerator. But there is a problem. And I quote the package 'this turkey has been injected with turkey broth'.
"OH NO!! You bought a emu with a turkey broth addiction!!!!! What WERE you thinking!!"



Yeah....well... He didn't find that humourous.



Good news!

The emu's turkey broth addiction is a gluten free one!



I can't wait for the phone call when he tries to actually put that emu into the oven.

<-- is now laughing her arse off!!!!!

Today's Thought

You cannot move forward from some idealized point in the future that has not yet arrived.

If you are to move forward, you must do it from where you are now.
Start from where you are.

Though it may not be perfect, it is plenty to get you going.

Let the insanities begin!!!!

I suggested store bought cards this year.

THAT went over like a ton of lead bricks.
I think 'he who insists on home-made cards' argument included moot points about the year long hording of 'stuff' that I snag under the guise of holiday card making.

Yaknow....pretties --paper, glitter, button thingies.....stamps, whozits... 'STUFF'!!

Do I think to keep all this 'STUFF' in one spot?

Nope.

I think I mighta rounded up the greater part of it......dunno.....

What's important is I found the stampy thingies!! :-)




So....like.....really--how important IS it to find the top of the breakfast table?


Ummm....not very. :-D

Things that make me happy

....a weekend without the work cellphone.

....big fat turkeys defrosting in the refridgerator.

....fresh mandarine oranges. :-)

....wee little button thingies.

....winning the quarter football bet. *laughing*

....brand new fuzzy muttons!

....a text message from the pushover.

....smooshing tatoes with the tato smooshing thingie.

Today's Bitty Fairy Thought

The results you achieve are not determined by the situation itself.

The results you achieve are determined by what you choose to focus on.

Happy Bug!!!

Mighta had something to do with Nana showing up and rescuing her from the evils of naptime.....

*snickering*

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation.
It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

This is the longest I've ever lived in one place.
In this whole lifetime, I've spent the most time here..... Not in the community I grew up in--the place that I used to call 'home'......but here.

And this week all of my staff heard the CEO say "I don't know if we'll still be here in two years--I don't see that happening, but it could."

When I found out what was said (because I wasn't able to attend the meeting) I immediately moved into damage control for the staff who were disturbed by the statement.
Understandably.
It was a pretty disturbing thing to hear..... Circumstances are difficult. But we've been through difficult before and come out the other side.



I've had the weekend.

Inbetween keeping myself so busy I couldn't think.....I've had some think time.
It hasn't been a peaceful think.
Despite what I know, I've borrowed troubles, gotten out of the day and I've found myself anxious.
I don't do anxious.
I'm a problem/solution kinda gal.
I don't tend to stay stuck in a problem--even when the circumstances appear to disallow the movement.
I'm pretty well practiced at manipulating movement in even the crappiest of circumstances....especially in the crappiest of circumstances.
And it would appear I'm in the midst of some pretty crappy circumstances.


I don't like being anxious.
It's an awful feeling, an unwanted preoccupation that drifts willy-nilly in and out of my thinking.
And for me it's unproductive -- and it feels almost destructive.....

G-d will have to reveal more to me.
I've asked for that.
And I've no doubt more will be revealed....

But there's this 'in the meantime you wait' stuff.

I know--'Be still and know'.....



Has He not taken very good care of me?

Did He not help me move to here, a place that I needed to be--a geographically centered place for all things that were happening in my life at that given moment in time?
Children who were then living with their father, doctors and specialists and services that were needed to take care of the overwhelmingly bleak diagnosises that were handed to me, availed me to wisened people who helped me find the connectedness to my G-d that I'd been so disconnected to....

Did He move me here for the sole purpose of me?
Of course not--there was a usefulness to my being here...
.....purposes beyond my limited vision...
.....lives to touch that I had no clue existed.....


I know......

"Be still and know......"



My G-d ain't done with me yet.
He didn't bring me this far to drop me.....

TFTD

Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us. Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else.

Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.

Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process.

But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there.

We don't have to control this process.

We'll understand, when it's time.

We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.

Today, I'll be grateful for all my relationships.

I will open myself to the lesson and the gift from each person in my life.

k.... rawr and grrrr.....

I was buried in work at the house when I opened the first email.....mistake number one!

And then I made the the second mistake--I opened another one.

I did get smarter.
I signed out of the work email and used the personal one.


....And that cellphone that I absently left at work after an insane Friday--was delivered yesterday evening by a staff member who picked up the work I'd completed at home.....nine hours worth....

(Small wonder himself is walking around silently and casting 'looks' in my direction.....)
(Maybe that's why I'm taking things 'personal'?.....)

Go figure there were two messages on the cellphone.
I felt compelled...and I made the mistake of listening to both of them.

I shut off the phone....told the supervisors on duty if there was something they needed me for to ring me on the house phone......


I'll go to the meeting today.....and meet with WPIML and a pigeon or two.
I'm sure I'll be reminded that: "Other people's opinions of you are NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS."

I've decided my response will be: Tell THEM that, will ya?!

Sheeeeeeeeeeeshhhhhhhh!

'Zakly!!

I need a bag or two of 'em--

Maybe three.

Cuz ya know what they say -- 'the best offense is a great defence!'.....

FOUR bags, even!



RAWRRAWRRAWR!!!!

Sooooooooooo....what I 'can do' is purchase bags of lemons!
Thank you, Reading Fairies!
k......that might not be what they meant BUT-----

Fairy Reminder!!

What you are tempted to worry about is nothing compared to what you have and what you can do.

Into the woods

Today's Reading

Negative assumptions drive negative experiences.

Negative assumptions can become so thoroughly familiar and ingrained in your thinking that you don't even realize they're there.
Assumptions guide your perceptions, and your perceptions determine the way you respond to each situation.

It's important to make sure those assumptions are not working against you.

When you come upon a situation that seems negative, challenge yourself to explain to yourself why you consider it to be negative.

There's a good chance that you'll discover your own assumptions are making it worse than it really is.

When you assume that something is distracting, or painful, or annoying, it will be.

Yet you can significantly change things by letting go of the assumption, or by choosing a more empowering one.

Just because you've always assumed something, does not make it always true.

Make the effort to be more aware of your assumptions, and challenge them.

With a new set of assumptions, the same old situation could be completely different. And you'll suddenly see a whole new world of possibilities.

Fairy Reminder

The world is constantly changing, and new possibilities are being born every moment.

Accept what has changed, adjust to it, take action, learn, and keep going.

Shoulda shoulda shoulda....

An acting out kiddo at the very moment I'm trying to usher the staff off the unit to attend a meeting with the CEO--VERY bad plan.
Really....took me darn near 30 minutes to reason with her (which isn't bad.....all things considered.....).
Oh--and then to have the principal walk in JUST as I was about to head to the meeting with the CEO....

"Where are we meeting?"

OH--THAT meeting.....the one we had to reschedule at the last minute--the one Mel failed to put on the appointment calendar!! Yaknow.....the meeting with four Educational Specialists and the principal...... Yeah--that meeting......shoot......

*sigh*

Damage control.
I get to do damage control--and I don't even know what the man said to my staff. Bits and pieces, yes...that's how I know I have damage control to do.

I'd check with him--but honestly, what people HEARD him saying is probably more the issue than anything.
I'm guessing I need to talk with some folks so I get the general idea.

I'm also guessing that the next time the CEO comes and a kiddo decides she's gonna get unruly with the teachers and create a ruckus--I oughta call the CEO back to the unit and have HIM take care of it.

*sigh*

Damage control.

Great.....


k.
Well then.....
At least I won't be bored.

Harvest ready

Things that make me happy

....blissful 'nothingness'.

....surprise 6 month photos of the bug. (6 MONTHS....omgosh...)

....the rare bit of selfpride from himself when he showed me three gold and three silver medallions.

....brightly crayoned pictures hung on my office door.

....sifting through boxes of 'stuff' in an antique store.

....discovering I overpaid a bill!

....fun buttons to go on holiday cards.

....watching himself get attacked by stringy melted cheese. *laughing*

TFTD

You always have a choice of what to think.

When making that choice, always remember each thought has great power that continues long after the thought has passed from your consciousness.

Though thinking does not make it so, thinking makes you make it so.

What you think becomes what you live.

New Toy Alert!!

k.....he'll probably be a BIT of a distraction at the next Adminstrators Meeting........

*laughing*

LIKE I CARE?!

Fairy Dust

The only sense that is common in the long run is the sense of change--

and we all instinctively avoid it.
—E. B. White

Pin for Today

Two

QOTW 11/17

What's something you are not that you wish you were?

Well, shy, quiet and demure are not adjectives used to describe me. (go figure)

Dunno about shy and demure--but the quiet could serve me well.

There's more than one way to skin a cat.
And I know some very, very effective 'quiet' people.

WPIML isn't a noisy one--but when he speaks, everybody listens.
Even I listen.
He has this 'aura' about him.

He's one of those people you just wanna sit next to--hoping some of it just drifts your way by osmosis.....whatever 'it' is.
I think I attribute the 'quiet' with 'it'.

That's the 'quiet' I want.

It's an inner quiet......a quiet that isn't reactive unless it's a planned reaction to 'move' to a different way of looking at things--or to help others move....

It's a quiet that doesn't buy into the noise and hype of circumstances.


Well...
That and I could stand to keep myself outta trouble by zipping my lip.

*laughing* What are the odds of THAT?!

Today's Reminder from the Reading Fairies

We'll always have both sides, the dark and the light.

We're human. Nevertheless, we tend to strengthen the part of our self that calls to us loudest.

Which side we hear is up to us.

I am a complex human being.

I have the next 24 hours to live as I choose.

Oh, LOOK!! ....A DUCKIE!!!!!!!!!

<-- Naked duckie of the rubber type

Now this isn't necessarily bad......maybe he's an albino duckie.






OR...maybe he just needs someone to colour his world!!



<-- is volunteering!!!! (oh the sacrifices I make......)





Has sharpies of multiple colours -->




:-)

On the backroads

It's an out of the way place.......not frequented by many.

Trout-- Oh my gosh were there trout....I could see 'em.

I'm going back......
But it'll be with a good book and a blanket.
....And maybe with himself....cuz he's a 'catch and release' fisherman, thank goodness.

Or.....maybe not......

I'm a bit fussy about fly fishin'.
Given that I tied my own flies and loved to trout fish (more for the standing in the water than anything..LOL)......might not wanna take him along. *laughing*

But I will go back.

Why would I not wanna......

Thought For The Day

Self importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
--Carlos Castaneda

Were we offended by someone yesterday? Do we harbor resentment for remarks, oversights, or unpleasant mannerisms? Do we feel tense or uneasy about how someone else has treated us? We can probably make a good case to justify our reactions. Perhaps we are in the right and they are in the wrong.

Yet, even if we are justified, it doesn't matter. We may be puffing ourselves up and wasting energy. When we are oversensitive, we take a self-righteous position which leads us far from our path of spiritual awakening. Our strength is diminished.

How much better it is to let go of the lightness, let go of our grandiosity, and accept the imperfections in others. We need to accept our own imperfections too. When we do, we are better for it, and our strength and energy can be focused on richer goals.

I will accept others' imperfections; I do not need to be right.

How can ya resist......

Mine!

Mine Mine MINE!!!

...and these for later.....mine mine mine!!!

Yup.....they were all hers.
Every single cotton pickin' last one of 'em. LOL

So. Like..... How many days til Halloween????

Nearing Catatonic....

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

There's something to be said when a co-worker, another Administrator, reaches over to pat me on the back in hopes of consoling me....or maybe it was to encourage me.....
It felt like consoling.
Maybe I oughta just be 'okay' with the fact that he cared enough to extend the gesture.
I doubt my weak smile was much of a consolation to him.
I'll have to make the effort to connect with him at the start of this upcoming workweek.

We're headed for some difficult moments, him and I......

I was asked to keep the conversations (of which there were two) confidential.
I understand why--the circumstances and decisions that are yet to be made undoubtedly will affect a number of people.
I don't like not being able to discuss this with my 'first reports' even though I understand the need to not do that.
I don't like it.

I know more conversations will need to happen. I understand the circumstances that are driving the decisions. I have all the information I can have today.
That doesn't change how anxious I am.
That doesn't make it feel any better.

One way or another....things will change for me at the worksite.

All the scenarios that have been run past me as 'potentials' have left me wondering what my best choice will be.
It's a huge assumption that I'll have a choice.
The truth is, I may not be given one.

But there's always a choice, eh?
Even if it's not comfortable or popular or easy--there's a choice.



And the week started out so wonderfully.

We were graced with the bug for four days and three nights when her mama went to work out of state and her daddy agreed to hand her over while he was scheduled to be working longer hours north of where he generally works.
The 'bug alarm' was so much fun to awaken to. Little fingers pulling, arms spread wide, wee people giggles and gurgles--it was absolutely awesome. No part of having her was a chore--it was an absolute privilege and delight.
Meeting her mama and daddy at the airport was a treat in and of itself. It's just so awesome to see love in action between the girl, the pushover and the bug. As much as we love that bug--they love her in kind.
And c'mon.....watching granddad with the bug....... It don't get much better than that!

The boss is healing wonderfully--and he showed up for one of the two Administrator's meetings I had to attend this week. He made me cry.
Worse that than, he made me cry in front of people whom I'd never ever, EVER choose to let see me get even teary eyed.
Gotta love that man...he's good people and he's passionate about what it means to make a difference in the life of a child.....
Yup. Cried!!

Himself went off for the weekend which gave me the weekend to catch up and do somethings I'd not gotten around to.....simply cuz when it's the weekend, he's wanting to go and do and have company in the doings. It was WONDERFUL! He collected medals, I collected dust....LOL....well, not really--I caught up on stuff I'd been procrastinating and letting get away from me. And I had 'nothingness' time. Sweet, peaceful nothingness....


There's been some very awesome things during the past week that I've been graced with.
Good things, validating things....things that spoke to me very loudly about what matters.

These are the things I'll hold on to during these anxious times.

These are the things that matter.