...in a deep and dark December.

Right.

Plan B then.

I'm good with Plan B.
I just have to come up with it.

*sigh*

I know.
Suck it up--and this too shall pass.

Yes thank you, I think I'd like to do that.

Oy brother........

k.......

I will NOT have another meltdown today.

I WILL ring the doctor's office and get a refill on pain medications.
I don't wanna get a refill.......but I'm at a pretty good understanding that I NEED one.
That should have happened at the appointment I had to cancel and reschedule courtesy of the blizzard.
I do not like narcotics of this type.  And I'll go to great lengths to avoid taking them.
However--  I'm pretty sure at this point that's a BAD PLAN.
*sigh*

And I NEED to find out if this level of pain is 'normal' for a broken femur--or if there's something amiss with the healing process.
I have too creative of a brain to run on absence of information.  If I don't have it, I create it.
And presently, I'm not creating GOOD information!

So.....I have a task for this morning.
And a thermos of coffee to keep me company!
And a stupid cellphone with which to make the calls.

And no Bug.  Our tradition is out the window.
The voice of reason kicked in while I was having a melt down.
No.....--a 3 year old ought not be around a casted Nana.  She might 'be careful' one minute and forget that 'careful' is suppose to happen the next.  Just the thought of her having to deal with the result of bumping Nana was enough.
I'm sad.........but he-who-is-suddenly-the-voice-of-reason is right.

Dangit.......

Bitty TFTD

Deciding what will make us happy, 

in fact, what we must have to be happy, 

prevents us from grasping the unexpected pleasure of the "chance" events of the moment.

Fenced in Fog

Fairy Dust!!

Do not be daunted by the enormity of the world's grief. 

Do justly, now. 

Love mercy, now. 

Walk humbly, now. 

You are not obligated to complete the work, but neither are you free to abandon it.

The Talmud

*snickering!!*

Wintering Flower

The FFS list....

I'm a creature of habit.
And we're on day 18 of this 'exercise in FUN!'.
I'm trying to be a tad more independent.
The poor fella's not had a night of uninterrupted sleep for WHO knows how long....(well, at least 18 days!)

I'm in one room--he's in another.  I have a pile of pillows and blankies and STUFF on the bed to keep me company.  It doesn't go anywhere--I'm lucky enough to get to sleep on my back and once I'm tucked in--it's an adventure to get me UNtucked. And I get to do this  FOR 6 to 8 WEEKS.  *grumbling*
Hello...I've had back surgery and I ain't suppose to sleep ON MY BACK.
I also have a stupid cast on my stupid brokenness.

YES, I'm still grumbling.

And can I just say that I secretly adore hitting the wall at 2am to get his attention?

YO--hey you over there!!
Honnnnnnnney......oh HONNNNNNEYYYYYY!!
Hello?  I'm stuck and I can't get unstuck!  I'm stuccccckkkkkkk!! Hellooooo!!
S.O.S.!!  Mayday mayday!!
I wanna ♪ hippopotamus for Christmas.....♪ only a hippopotamus will do...lalalala
THIS is a test of the emergency broadcast system..... *insert siren sounds*
HELPHELPHELP--the giraffe fell outta bed and he's comatose on the floor!!

*ahem.....*

I am proud to report that yesterday I got outta bed ALL BY MYSELF!
And promptly crutched myself into the bedroom door.
:-/

*THUNK*
I'd insert the words I used, but.......yeahwellnotsomuch.....

We now have a handy dandy 'check it on your smartphone' list!

1. Painpills
2. Water
3. Plug in the Snoopy lights (being used for a very cool nightlight in the bathroom)
4. Turn on coffee timer
5. Blankie in the computer room
6. AND.....
7. FFS leave the bedroom door open

:-/

Fairy Reminder

Take care of yourself — you never know when the world will need you.

Rabbi Hillel

Rolling with Blue

Fairy Dust

Healthy discontent is the prelude to progress.

On the Edge

Oy brother........

When 'warp speed with hair on fire' becomes HALT.......you get a bit of perspective.  And I'm 'lucky' enough to have people in my life who aren't afraid to just say what's true.
Lucky me?  :-/

I can fend for myself 'enough'.  Just as well--I lost my little helper to the stomach flu about 3pm.  I hated to inform the 'guests' that appeared at the door at noon of that fact, but there ya have it!  Oh, the price they could be paying for their 'goodwill'.  We'll hope not!

It was good.  My three leadership folks landed at the house to get 'supervised' they tell me.  *laughing*  Actually, they landed to try to persuade me to give the 'approval' for something I'd originally 'disapproved'.
I had to listen--bit of a captive audience there on the couch with crutches 'over there' in the kitchen.
And I had to look at my 'standing in during my absence' and tell her she's present in the circumstances and I really DO trust her judgement....so YES.  It took all of about a minute.
Bit of a surreal moment for them--bit of a revealing moment for me.
I really DO think I can control from the chair/couch/computer!  *laughing*

I'm NOT THERE.  I simply need to support the folks that are--encourage, endorse, empower.
DUH.

And, because I had the foresight to hire people for leadership who are a 'tad' like ME--they had no problem pointing out that I 'needed to slow down' and that they were hoping that message had gotten delivered through the circumstances.

Of course I do massive denial!

"DO NOT look at your pile of STUFF while exiting to your car."  Message received.
(me and my stupid habit of inventorying what I left at the worksite AS I'm headed to the car......wouldn't most people do that BEFORE they left the building?!)

Yeah, well......they didn't think that was the message.

Whadda they know?!

I'm a "warp speed with my hair on fire" kinda gal.  The Big Guy made me that way for a reason.  And really, it's served me and Him very well.
But He's inclined to use deficits to His/our advantage while whittling away at another one that gets in the way of our usefulness and effectiveness.
Maybe we're down to this one now?

:-/

I'd prefer we work on my 'thinking I can control the world and everyone in it' deficit.
Oh wait......maybe this is a two-fer deal?

OH great.........

(oh, yes....silly ME.....I shall go BACK to reference the fairies of the morning!......at some point.....) *laughing*

Choosing Gratefulness

For my impatience, I choose Gratefulness.

For my complaining, I choose Gratefulness. 
For the pain, I choose Gratefulness.

In the hurt, I choose Gratefulness.

With the tears, I choose Gratefulness.

For the situation that didn't turn out as I believed it would, I choose Gratefulness.

For the situation that turned out greater than I believed it could, I choose Gratefulness.

For the joy, I choose Gratefulness.

For the happiness, I choose Gratefulness.

For the peace, I choose Gratefulness.

Today, I just choose Gratefulness in response to everything!

Ummm......

This is a ball.
This is a ball with a maze of twists, turns, tilts and flips in which to move the OTHER ball through.
And do you know what happens when you twist, turn, tilt and flip WRONGLY?
*sigh*
The wee ball drops and you start ALL OVER AGAIN.

WHO THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD THING TO PUT IN MY HANDS?!?!

:-/

Fairy Stuff

There are two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

Albert Einstein

Wee Trees and Transportation

Have yourself a Merry little Christmas.....

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Let your heart be light

From now on,

our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,

Make the Yule-tide gay,

From now on, 

our troubles will be miles away.

Here we are as in olden days,

Happy golden days of yore.

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Gather near to us once more.

Through the years 

We all will be together,

If the Fates allow

Hang a shining star upon the highest bough.

And have yourself 

A merry little Christmas now.  

TFTD

Don’t wish for a solution to your problems. 

Be the solution, with the way you live each moment.

River Art

Sleeping with Bread.....looking at the whole loaf

Okay.........this may be worth doing more than once!

*laughing* NOT the broken leg--although I did do this once before.

I'm talking the 'minimal' surrounding the holiday.
Seriously.


I'm pretty sure I hear G-d laughing yesterday.  And again this morning.......  That's cool--I'm glad I can entertain Him!  Seems that's the least I can offer up, given how well He's taken care of me.




Yes, there are prezzies under the tree.
I'm happy to report that they're NOT for me.
But I shall wrap my cast with red ribbon, splash on some eau de peppermint from the flavoring bottle and BE the candy cane!  *laughing*

We do have US prezzies.
I don't know what they are, which brings he-who-braved-shopping-yesterday GREAT joy.
I'm assured we'll enjoy them together as the house fills up with the smell of roasting turkey.
It was a grand solution--even if his idea of gift wrapping was to tie the sacks up with a ribbon and stuff them behind the tree.  *laughing*  Like I could get down there to peek if they were in the front of the tree?!

Well.....I could cuz I'm creative like that......
Drag 'em out with the crutch and pull 'em to the couch maybe......  :-/

Point well taken.
I get it.
And I even get that I have a whole lot to be grateful for--even if I whine and carry on and spin in and out of being an emotional witch.

Back to that 'choose Joy'...giving thanks even in the midst of the storm.....

And I do.
I am.
And I can do that with others who need to know and hear and rest in the knowing........

I am NOT doing this alone.  Physically, emotionally or spiritually.
I have an awesome care taker.....or two......  And they truly are taking very good care of me.
I have an abundance of love surrounding me from all directions.  And when I shush up and just breathe that in--it's all very do-able.
I have warmth and comfort--even as the elements shifted into full scale winter--I remained safe, warm and comfortable......as comfy as one can be with a 40 pound cast to drag around.  ;-)
I have the beautiful glow of light surrounding me--not just those that peek out from the tree and shine from the garlands--I have the light of love and healing, coming from all directions.  And I feel that when I slow myself and really let myself take in everything around me.
I have joy in the small things....  Amongst those was the call from the Bug who commanded her mother's phone to ring me three times in a row because she was AWESOME in her school concert and she just wanted me to know......oh, and she wanted me to know she has cookies ready for Santa, but I can have some too.  LOL

And I have peace.  Not in the big dollops that I rest in when I'm centered in what's good and true--but that will come in the letting go as I DO MORE to let go.

Daily Reading

Do what you will with another person;

But never put them out of your heart.

--The Dalai Lama

One of the most moving examples of the opening of a hardened heart is the story of Scrooge in Dickens' A Christmas Carol. At an early age, Scrooge concluded that the world was a hard and cruel place. Making the accumulation of money his primary goal, he closed himself off from his fellow human beings. Although he attained worldly riches, he was spiritually desolate.

Then, on Christmas Eve, he was graced with the opportunity to make a new choice - to open his heart to life. His physical wealth began to have a purpose. After his conversion, he paid for the operation that healed Tiny Tim and contributed to numerous charities throughout London.

I tell this story because there is a Scrooge in every one of us. In some area of life, you and I have hardened our hearts. Perhaps it is a former lover whom we have not forgiven, or we are angry at a political group that opposes our point of view; or an early wound has left a trail of hurt and cynicism.

Whatever the person or circumstance, the solution is the same - open your heart again. If the old pain comes to the surface, relax and breathe into the hurt. As your heart softens and expands, a deep compassion will fill your being. Like Scrooge, you are being reborn to a new life. You are being redeemed by the healing power of love.

*sigh*

I just need to say it's been a fine mess........
And it continues to be a fine mess.

I also need to say that I've been well taken care of during the fine mess.
I do not do idle well......which only compounds the fine mess.  I tend to focus on the 'fine mess' and I need to remind myself just how graced I am to be so well taken care of at this point in time......and I have been well taken care of.  Truly.....
So excuse my whining--

As one who detests holiday shopping, I 'collect' through the course of the year and stick things away....in a closet......randomly.  *laughing*  Which means when it's 'this time of the year' the closet gets opened and things fall out.  I'm especially okay with that THIS year.  It's a good practice.  I find things during the year that yank on my 'awwwwww.....she/he would just love this' chain and I add to the closet.  Thank goodness.  Cuz the INTENT was to do some tying up of the loose ends after my appointment that I never made cuz I broke my stupid leg.......  I've managed to wrap what fell out of the closet (my GOODNESS the Bug gets thought of a whole LOT!!), stuck things in boxes to mail off (along with my apologetic note for not including the usual holiday goodies courtesy of the broken leg)--probably too late for the holiday receiving, dangit....--and I've kept moving.

Ah, but there's THE one person that I never 'closet toss' for.
Yep--that's the one that I don't DARE stash things away for--the ol' "I-see-I-want-I buy" fella.  *sigh*  And so here I sit, briefly anyway.......until the toes turn purple.....and I'm a bit paralyzed by what to do.
I've refrained from the online solution--being unable to work has left me reeling in a whole lot of areas.  Financially, I've not known how things were going to work for the next few months.  Those questions have now been answered (--and I say again how grateful I am to be so well taken care of).
And now that I can 'breathe' a bit knowing everything is NOT up for grabs, I get paralyzed on how to solve the next issue--prezzies under the tree.

Too late for online shopping.
I cannot send folks out in post blizzard road messes, let alone on the last few shopping days before the holiday--and folks are taking their own leave for the holidays so that won't work.....
And we DO live in a small town......so shopping local isn't much of an option, unless I go to the feed/implement store or the hardware store--HA.....as if I COULD get to them--which I cannot.......
Sending himself is an option only if he's willing to leave my company for an amount of time that he's not been comfortable doing.  It's two hours of drive time to a town that has decent places to shop AT.
Truth be told, I'm not so certain I'm comfortable with his absence for that long either....
*sigh*  And really...I should send him to buy his own prezzies?

It really HAS been a fine mess.  Physically, emotionally....a FINE mess.
And it's been 12 days since either of us have ventured into the world--'cept for his quick trips to the grocery store (which come with multiple phone calls to the house to ensure I'm 'okay'....).
I want to tell him to stuff me in the Jeep and take me to a shop.......but really--that's a dangerous proposition with the ice and snow that cover the ground.  And it's just plain stupid to consider as an option.  I can make 30 feet on crutches.....at least some times I can.  Other times--notsomuch.....

It doesn't matter, he says.
We'll be together, having turkey, he says.
We'll cuddle and watch Polar Express and drink eggnog, he says.

Maybe.......
Probably even true.

So......
Why does it matter to me?

TFTD

As bells ring out and carols echo everywhere, we should not be surprised if our spirits take a nosedive. It isn't that we don't understand the meaning of Christmas, or that we reject it, but rather that the idealized version of what Christmas should be has often times been denied us. We may come to resent the fact that all this good cheer seems to be for other people, not us.

Our experiences may have had little to do with family togetherness around a glowing fireplace, loving conversation, and delighted laughter. Such scenes feel like an affront if there has been no family closeness, perhaps no gifts, and little or no overt love. Of course it's wrenching when our own experience clashes so painfully with advertised reality!

But every day is a chance for new experience. We can choose today to create the good cheer that wasn't created for us. It's too late to change yesterday's disappointment, but, if we choose, we can make this holiday season the one we'll remember.

Yup......casted leg fire escape!

Fairy Dust

The hours, the days and the years will steadily pass, no matter what you do. Though you cannot do anything to stop time from passing, you can do everything to gain real value from every moment.

Make each day your day to make a difference. You are here, you are capable, you have the time that is right now, so use it for something good and meaningful.

The Gift of the Blizzard

Forward HO!!

When all else fails......  Fill a thermos, set it by the desktop, pat Mel on the head and go back to bed!

What a brilliant fella.

And I believe today will be the day that I take charge of this 'mess' that I'm getting to deal in.
It's gotta more productive than the daily meltdown(s) that have been happening as the 'don't get tos' and 'argggghhhhh, can't do thats' fly into my face.

Don't GET to do some things--it's that simple.
Get over it.  Move on.

I DO get to and CAN do some things.
And it doesn't mean I HAVE to read that Jane Austen book that's been tossed a few times.  Now, I don't believe that has anything to do with author or the contents of the book.  PRETTY sure that's more about Mel and Mel's piss-ant attitude. I'll apologize to Ms. Austen and move on from that, too.

I have a boss who says I can 'help' my staff as I can, in small increments of time--but that they need to be able to DO some of these things that I've made 'mine'. Can I 'work' from home? No....even I know I can't dedicate hours of time, daily.  I'm just not there yet.  But I can, here and there, help.
I have piles of 'stuff'.  Insurance and medical and things that need tended to that I've let frustrate the byjeepers outta me.  Every time I look at that STUFF....I get more pissy.  I'll take care of that 'stuff' today and get into some sort of daily routine so it's getting taken care of more responsibly.  GOOD grief--rides in ambulances have expensive fares!  WOW.....

And, according to the sister--I need a project.
Don't get me wrong.  I've had a few meltdowns just trying to wrap what prezzies I had collected.  And I've now had the experience of making covered pretzels in the living room.  So things are getting done.  The package to the sister was mailed out--not that it was complete....but there were things to open for Christmas and they needed to go.  Sitting tearfully and being crabby that I couldn't physically get out to finish the box wasn't a good enough reason to not send it.  The cute and fun things I'd picked up are wrapped and now enroute.  And I'll send on a couple gift certificates via the world wide web. NOT my norm....and it's not what I want to do, but there ya have it.
So--I'll research a project online and see what strikes my fancy.
And I'll spend the day correcting my stupid thinking, something I've not bothered to do cuz IF YOU HAD MY LIFE blahblahblah.......trust me.....it's been at the height of STUPID.

And while I gotta love the thermos filled with coffee and the absence of he-who's-put-up-with-the-meltdowns so I can HAVE my alone time in the morning-- even *I* know that's a flip into 'survival mode' on his part.

It would appear I have six more weeks of this to get through, at the very least.
I'd prefer if we both come out of this experience.......... alive.

Daily Reflection

Being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.

  —Sigmund Freud

The truth is our friend. It is a rough and humble kind of friend - but a friend nonetheless. Each of us will need to learn to spend time with this friend because it is one that is not easy to escape. It is always turning up when we least expect it. The truth about ourselves is hard to avoid. It seems to knock at our door until we let it in.

Perhaps we have played the game of hide and seek sometime in our lives. Sometimes we tell little lies about ourselves to impress others, or we act in ways that, deep down, we know are not really the way we want to be. We can never be comfortable this way. We know what it is like to hide and try to keep from being found. The truth about us is an expert player. It seeks us out until we put our arms around it and welcome it.

♪In the meadow ♫we can build a snowman......

♪Walkin' in a winter wonderland♪♫

Yes--we have snow!

And not just any snow--we have SNOWMAN snow!

*checking*
Dangit that I have a broken leg.....I even had Mr. Snowman in a bucket all ready to go!
Notsomuch making a Mr. Snowman with this cast thingy goin' on.

*sigh*

Ah well--the good news is there'll apparently be a white Christmas.
The bad news is....we're having a blizzard!!

So.
Being the responsible human being that I can be--I cancelled the appointment with the ortho folks for tomorrow.
Sorry--we're just not going to shove me in a Jeep and go fifty miles on roads that are 'driving not advised' IF they're not 'closed'.

No problem!!
(They are such polite people.......)

Ummmm.......PROBLEM!!!
The next available appointment is January 25th?
JANUARY 25th?!?!


Right......

Lemme just take a few minutes to breathe and we'll move right on to spirit of the festive season!!

*breathing!*

k........  Here I am......being festive!!

*singing*

Sleighbells ring........are ya listening
In the lane, snow is glistenin'
A beautiful sight
We're happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Gone away is the blue bird
Here to stay is the new bird
Who sings a love song
As we got along
Walkin' in a winter wonderland

In the meadow we can build a snowman.........

Today's Reminder

Feeling angry - and, sometimes, the act of blaming - is a natural and necessary part of accepting loss and change - of grieving. We can allow ourselves and others to become angry as we move from denial toward acceptance.

As we come to terms with loss and change, we may blame our higher Power, others, or ourselves. The person may be connected to the loss, or he or she may be an innocent bystander. We may hear ourselves say: "If only he would have done that... If I wouldn't have done that... Why didn't God do it differently?"... We know that blame doesn't help. In doing things differently, the watchwords are self-responsibility and personal accountability, not blame. Ultimately, surrender and self-responsibility are the only concepts that can move us forward, but to get there we may need to allow ourselves to feel angry and to occasionally indulge in some blaming.

It is helpful, in dealing with others, to remember that they, too, may need to go through their angry stage to achieve acceptance. To not allow others, or ourselves, to go through anger and blame may slow down the grief process.

Trust the grief process and ourselves. We won't stay angry forever. But we may need to get mad for a while as we search over what could have been, to finally accept what is.

Late

I'm NOT 'disabled'.........

I'm BROKEN.

*grumbling*

Don't get me wrong.......
I am eternally grateful.

I'm being well taken care of.

I won't see one bill.

I won't have to use my own time to cover this time away from work.

But I am NOT disabled.
I'm......broken.

Yaknow.......I spent years battling with oncologists that gave me permission to be disabled instead of showing up to do a job that I adore doing.  And I kept working--work kept me centered and moving and focused on all things other than ME.  Which was a very good thing during that time.

And now--I have permission to 'consult' and offer up small increments of my time to 'help' my staff.
But I won't be allowed to work from home at this moment in time.

I told the boss I really DID get it.  Small increments are about what I can tolerate right now.  And I certainly can't predict when I'm 'okay' to devote those small increments.
I know it won't stay that way.
I also know.....
There's a freaking snow storm headed this way that'll likely interfere with my appt. with the doc on Friday.

*laughing*
Oh yes.......and then it'll be the holiday....and then it'll be him in Tahiti FOR the next holiday......and THEN it'll be the second week in January!  Wooohooo!!

NOT.

Oh, but.....who cares!!
The world is going to end on Friday anyway.........

Daily Thought

When we embark on a new career, open an unfamiliar door, begin a loving relationship, we can seldom see nor can we even anticipate where the experience may take us. At best we can see only what this day brings. We can trust with certainty that we will be safely led through the "shadows."

To make gains in this life we must venture forth to new places, contact new people, chance new experiences. Even though we may be fearful of the new, we must go forward. It's comforting to remember that we never take any step alone. It is our destiny to experience many new beginnings. And a dimension of the growth process is to develop trust that each of these experiences will in time comfort us and offer us the knowledge our inner self awaits. Without the new beginnings we are unable to fulfill the purpose for which we've been created.

No new beginning is more than we can handle. Every new beginning is needed by our developing selves, and we are ready for whatever comes.

Window Peeking

Reading for The Day

Problems have only the size and the power that you give them.

  —S. H.

We will not be free from all difficulties today, or during any period of our lives. But we have the personal power to eliminate the threat, the sting of any challenge. But it's our vision of circumstances that gives them their interpretation.

At this moment, we are defining our experience. We are labeling events good or bad, valuable or meaningless. And our growth, particularly this day, is greatly influenced by the value judgments we attach to our experiences.

As we grow stronger emotionally and spiritually, we learn that all difficulties are truly opportunities for exceptional growth and increased awareness of the truth of existence. All experiences can be taken in stride if we are trustful of their intended blessing.

Choosing Joy

......mostly...because I need to.....

QOTW

What sounds do you hear where you live?





This morning it's been:

• The call of the nut hatch as he's making his way down the tree.
• The rooster greeting the morning....darn noisy thing.
• Pigs--not happy pigs either.  (I believe they're going to visit cousins in Cleveland?)
• An occasional car--it's getting time for school so that'll happen.
• The woodpecker calling to his friend (the other woodpecker..LOL)
• The coffee pot from the kitchen cuz himself is making a cuppa French Pressed.....which I'll get some of, I'm sure!  :-/
• The left over leaves flapping around in the breeze.
• The rhythmic clink of crutches as they move across the floor.
• The sound of the dryer doing what dryers do.  (and I'm not talking clothes dryers--more likely it's corn/beans that are being dried.....)
• Mr. Cardinal--no doubt wanting to make sure he's getting his table feeder freshened up with new food.
• The furnace....happens when you sit around with the window opened, listening for sounds.  :-D

New Life

Fairy Reading

I know better than to not trust God., But sometimes, I forget that.

When we are in the midst of an experience, it is easy to forget that there is a Plan. Sometimes, all we can see is today.

If we were to watch only two minutes of the middle of a television program, it would make little sense. It would be a disconnected event.

If we were to watch a weaver sewing a tapestry for only a few moments, and focused on only a small piece of the work, it would not look beautiful. It would look like a few peculiar threads randomly placed.

How often we use that same, limited perspective to look at our life - especially when we are going through a difficult time.

We can learn to have perspective when we are going through those confusing, difficult learning times. When we are being pelted by events that make us feel, think, and question, we are in the midst of learning something important.

We can trust that something valuable is being worked out in us - even when things are difficult, even when we cannot get our bearings. Insight and clarity do not come until we have mastered our lesson.

Last Corn Standing

Sleeping with Bread

"When the Examen is done over time, we begin to see the patterns of consolation (times when you feel the most alive, energized and connected to God) and desolation (when you feel God's absence or perhaps hopelessness)."



I have to laugh a bit.

I certainly won't be worried about 'people irritating Mel' now, will I?
Those irritating folks at the worksite?
Yup--they're THERE....I'm here.
Those irritating folks at the meetings, grocery stores, retail places--places I get to frequent?
Yup......once again, they're THERE...and I'm HERE.

I'd guess that gives me ample opportunity to rethink my position about how it is that I'm sooooo important and smart and they're all soooooo ignorant and dumb.

Right!
Zackly who fell on the one bit of ice in the state anyway?

And the next time someone says to me "So--what is it you think G-d might be trying to tell you"--I won't laugh and tell them I was just a part of the equation in a message for multiple OTHERS. Just an 'instrument' dontchaknow......

I guess there's laughable material here.

Maybe I'll point out G-d's it ain't all about YOU, even thought it's about you message.
That one's always good for confusion on most folks part.

Or maybe I'll point out the you're just not that darn important--literally and figuratively--message......and let them spin on that for a while!
Cuz really, that's the source of the irritation with others to begin with, isn't it.  Mels' self importance?

Absence of people in your space helps you develop a bit of gratitude for the people normally in your space, dontchathink?
You maybe get a bit less critical and a lot more appreciative.
And maybe you shush up and realize that regardless of how YOU think, your presence and ability to hold on to that thinking to do RIGHT ACTIONS anyway really IS right .....cuz you DO have the responsibility to be kindly and appreciative of other human beings regardless of how you perceive them.......really........

It doesn't mean you have to gush all over them and excuse in-excusable actions.  And it doesn't mean you endorse things that hurt other people and/or themselves.
But it does mean you......YOU.....don't get to decide their worth and value on the planet.  And you do get to be kind and loving towards all.

It ain't that hard.......

Right.......  So for today--I'll focus on what/who is in front of me.
1.Recognize what they're doing that's kindly and nice
2.and BE FRIENDLY!!

Given that I've been a tad 'witchy', I'm sure that'd be appreciated.

TFTD

My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue, an everlasting vision of the ever-changing view.

  —Carole King

Every event of our lives is contributing a rich thread to our personal tapestry. Each of us is weaving one unique to ourselves, but all of our tapestries are complementary. We need others' rich designs in order to create our own.

We seldom have the foresight to understand the worth, the ultimate value of a particular circumstance at its beginning. But hindsight offers us clarity. It's good to reflect on the many circumstances that failed to thrill us; in all cases we can now see why we needed them. As our trust in God and the goodness of all experiences grows, we'll more quickly respond with gladness when situations are fresh. No experience is meant for harm. We are coming to understand that, even though on occasion we forget.

Practicing gratitude will help us more fully appreciate what has been offered us. Being grateful influences our attitude; it softens our harsh exterior and takes the threat out of most new situations.

If I greet the day, glad to be alive, I will be gladdened by all the experiences in store for me. Each is making a necessary contribution to my wholeness.

Empty Clothes Line

RAWRRR and GRRRRRRR.....

Yup--an emotional MESS.  That's what I am.

Witchy.
Emotional.
And yes--feeling totally and completely out of control.

Zackly what I thought was going to happen at that 'we'll see you in a week' appointment--who knows.  Apparently I chose to link together the 'will your employer make concessions for you' question with the 'we'll see you in a week'.  And what's up with a week turning into 10 days?!  He didn't say 'a week from when we call you'--but apparently that's what was meant!
Well, that and it takes a good 10 days to see if mending really is happening on a broken bone, or so I'm told...

It dawned on me, mid day--as I was 'allowed' to sit in the sun on the front porch (wrapped in blankets, a fuzzy sweater AND a coat)--that 6 to 8 weeks is a very long time.  And that's the speculated 'in a cast' time. That's not including the 'rest' of the junk that's attached in cases like this.

Melt down happened at about 6pm last evening.

I suppose somewhere in my morphine enhanced thinking I put the two things together and came up with an answer of 'so in a week I could be allowed to return to work with limitations'.
YES, I KNOW THAT'S CRAZY......now......

Reality is 6-8 weeks in a cast.
Reality is I couldn't even GET to work if I was given permission to show up--which I ain't getting any time soon!
Reality is I can't even get from point A to point B without the supervision and assistance of my happy little helper.
Reality is.....SUCKY.
It's still R E A L I T Y.

Now begins the pragmatic bit of the whole mess that I'm not in control of.
Zackly how much paid leave do I really have?  Zackly how long can I 'afford' to be off?
And what am I suppose to do with all these appointments that are going to come whizzing in my direction at some point.  Undoubtedly after the holidays.......cuz that seems to be how it works, huh?

*sigh*
I preferred denial, tyvm.
It's stressful enough without adding the longer term realities.

Oh wait.
Get through TODAY.
Worry about TODAY.

Right!

I need more coffee.

Right......

I'm here.
It's there.

*sigh*


Fine.

FINE.  :-/

Fairy Dust

Hope is not the conviction that something will turn out well, 

but the certainty that something makes sense regardless of how it turns out.

Bank Shot

Oh the things people do......

4am and himself is attempting to move things from the file cabinet top and rearrange the desk:

Whatcha doin'?  Go back to bed silly person.  I have coffee, I have the 'puter..you need sleep.  This 'up' every 3 to 4 hours isn't doing you any good.  I'm fine--content even.

I'm moving the coffee pot to the file cabinet top.

Seriously?  Wow....what a cool idea!

I just need to relocate your wee tree with all the baubles and lights....

What a sweetie......awwww...  .......ummmmm......  Problem!

No problem.  It'll take just a few minutes.  And I think there's enough room here.  Then you can easily reach it.

Ummm....  Coffee in, coffee out?  NOT that I don't appreciate the thought and efforts!  But do ya really wanna be lugging me into the bathroom every hour for hours on end?

Good point!

I have my multi function twinkling lights. I have my wibbley wobbley punkin head guy.  I have my wee tree and my snowmans coaster-- and the cute little angel from the folks at work.  And balloons.  And the dancing penguin guy.  AND I have the bitty bear, two cell phones, the whirly flower and scribble paper with a cup full of cool pencils!

Not much room left on that desk, really.

Enough room for Snoopy lights around the monitor. :-/

We'll talk later......


*shrugs*
6 to 8 weeks the doc said.

Oh.....Did I mention the one doc sang to me?
Uh huh......as the other was plastering and trying not to get slugged. (I didn't slug him!) I got sung to.
He was a bit shy at first--claimin' he couldn't sing.

HA.
I got stuck with the words when I was trying to indulge in the ear worm to ignore the freaking pain--and he unstuck me.
AND he impressed the other doc with his singing voice.


There'll be parties for hosting 
Marshmallows for toasting 
And caroling out in the snow 
There'll be scary ghost stories 
And tales of the glories of 
Christmases long, long ago 


It kinda surprised me when they told me I made their whole week.
*laughing*
I did point out to them that the week was still young-- it was only Tuesday.

I bet they say that to all their broken femurs.

Another one....

Our relationship with ourselves is the most important relationship we need to maintain. The quality of that relationship will determine the quality of our other relationships.

When we can tell ourselves how we feel, and accept our feelings, we can tell others.

When we can accept what we want and need, we will be ready to have our wants and needs met.

When we can accept what we think and believe, and accept what's important to us, we can relay this to others.

When we learn to take ourselves seriously, others will too.

When we learn to chuckle at ourselves, we will be ready to laugh with others.

When we have learned to trust ourselves, we will be trustworthy and ready to trust.

When we can be grateful for who we are, we will have achieved self-love.

When we have achieved self-love and accepting our wants and needs, we will be ready to give and receive love.

When we've learned to stand on our own two feet, we're ready to stand next to someone.

Life's Torns

Red.

Ohmygosh I'm such an emotional wreck.

One minute I'm a witch, the next minute I'm sobbing and apologizing for being witchy.

It might be the pain factor-or the pain medications maybe...--or it's simply that I'm feeling utterly, totally, and completely out of control at this moment in time.

I do not get to see the Bug's first holiday concert.
I do not get to finish up holiday stuff--nor can himself exit the house for a period of time to do that either.
I'm a bit dependent on him to go hither and yon.

The freaking cast weighs a bazillion pounds and it freaking hurts to move a whole lot.
It takes a horrific amount of energy to MOVE from point A to point B, even though point B is a mere 15 feet that-a-way!

I do not see how I can return to work at any time soon.  I do not see how I could even travel--it wasn't pretty coming back from the hospital but we did make it, obviously.
I do not envision getting to do a whole lot of anything at this point.
Not work.
Not play.

Nuffin'....

Sit and try to move only when required.

I am not a happy bunny.
I hear over and over again--"It's early...you just broke your leg less than 24 hours ago.  It will get easier."
I'm fairly certain that's true.
I just spent near 12 hours with people shoving around a broken femur before they finally opted to cast it.  It's all a bit complicated cuz it's in the same place I broke the damn thing 25 some years ago.  If casting it doesn't work, they'll go back to do surgery.
Casting better freaking work!

I haven't talked with the boss yet.
I didn't think yesterday was the day, given that I was an emotional wreck.
I know it's not a matter of having an excuse NOT to work--it'll be a matter of getting the release to go BACK to work.  I'm fairly sure that's not going to happen any time soon.  I can't envision that happening for weeks.......
I also know my vision is pretty screwed up by the emotional garbage that's attached to all of this.

The girl will tape the Bug's concert.
The Bug has lots of markers and she wants to colour me.

Doesn't matter what colours she totes with her--all I'm seein' is RED.

OMG......I broke my stupid leg........

TFTD

Some people go through life trying to find out what the world holds for them only to find out too late that it's what they bring to the world that really counts.

The picture worth a thousand words

From the tip of the toes allllllll the way to the hip.

Yup---I found the one piece of ice in the whole state--or so said the EMT's and the policeman who showed up since I couldn't GET up.

They were extremely gracious about the amount of swearing involved.  I'll note that was on the scene of the accident, only.

Good as gold the rest of the time!
I even got an Elmo sticker for being a "Super Patient" with the radiology folks.
And I didn't curse once when they reset the fractured femur.

I'm feeling very happy about that fact, tyvm!!


(and no, I don't believe that's a result of the wonderful pain medications they dispensed to me....)

Ohhhhhhhh.....*sniffle*  I'm broken........

Fairy Reminder

Don't look down on another person 

unless you are leaning over to help them up.

Eagles Hideaway

QOTW

So, whatever holiday you might be celebrating, what are some traditions you have?


Hmmmmmm...we have traditions?

I'm thinking real hard here for a "tradition"......and not experiencing a whole lotta luck.

What do I do every year at this time of year--over and over and over again.

I make some things?
We make holiday cards to send out to the folks we know.
We take homemade goodies around to the neighbors with pretty things attached.
Homemade 'things' decorate packages.
And 'pretties' get wrapped and handed out.

He deals in the holiday decorating (STUFF everywhere....LOL)--I deal in tying it all together cuz that's what I do.
We wrap a bazillion prezzies for the kiddos at work so the staff don't have to.
He volunteers to ring the bell at the red bucket--I laugh and taunt him and send everyone I know in his direction cuz he looks all sortsa cute in that little elf hat.  *laughing*
We insist the Bug not visit on the holiday eve/holiday.  And we insist on New Years Eve with the wee thing instead.  (safer for everyone!!)
And I light candles. *laughing*  It's the only time of year he-who-fears-the-house-burning-down actually feels 'okay' about that happening.

Fairy Wisdom

To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, 

to enact gratitude is generous and noble, 

but to live gratitude is to touch Heaven.

Johannes A. Gaertner

Winter Glimmer