TFTD

When you encounter resistance, it means you are moving forward.

When you come across a challenge, it means you have reached the point where you can successfully meet that challenge.

Top ten things to do with a ripped off magic wand.....

1. Remove Mel's brain. (it only works half the time anyway....LOL)


2. Change all the clicky clacky heels in the world into ROCKET DOGS.....woooohoooooo!!!! (yes, I get to wear heels today, dangit.....)


3. Make all the turn signals in cars actually WORK when someone goes to turn. This would bring peace on earth.....


4. Popcorn ANY time ya want. *nodding* (adding to 'world peace', of course.....not selfishly motivated AT all......)


5. 24 hours of hairiness for the bald people of the world....THEN they'd remember what a 'bad hair day' was all about.


6. Spring would happen--with sunshine and warmth and sidewalks to colour! (k.....that's selfishly motivated--LOL)


7. 'Puters programs would say "oops......let me help you with that....." instead of "We need to restart cuz you're incompetent."


8. Wearing fuzzy jammies to work wouldn't be unacceptable...it'd be a fashion statement! (I'm all about fashion statements...LOL....NOT)


9. Super duper magical field's on new mechanical pencils that recognize their owner.....preventing theft of said new mechanical pencil. (It was PURPLE even...*sniffle*)


10. NO MORE goobers on coffee cups!!! Woooohoooooooo and Yippee!!!........... (stupid whitecups.....)

(be afraid....LOL....I'm just warmin' up with that wand! LOL)

The yardstick fairy visited........

When nobody around you seems to measure up, it's time to check your yardstick.--Bill Lemley

Being overcritical and irritable has been common to most of us.

Some of us go around with controlled smiles while underneath we are grumbling.

Others blast everyone around them.

Some of us save our most critical reactions for those we love while staying sweet and friendly with the outside world.

In any case, we are caught in a blinding trap.

We may know we feel trapped but do not see that our problem is mainly with ourselves.

Have we been falling into a pattern where no one seems to measure up?

Are we also being too critical or demanding of ourselves?

Perhaps we don't need to lower our standards so much as to hold them less tightly.

Hand over that wand.....

Even when you are thoroughly committed to staying focused, life can get in the way.
Though you may have the best of intentions, there will be times when you veer off course as a result of your own actions.

When that happens, don't beat yourself up about it--recognize it, accept it, learn from it, and get moving again.
Winners and losers will both stumble.

Winners have learned to quickly get back up and get moving again.

Or.........the fairies could just whap me in the head with it and keep it.

I suppose that'd work.

Though.....frankly, I'd rather have the wand. LOL

Ohhhhhhh the things I could do with that wand......

Make that $40.......

I've posted, I've unposted.

I've posted again.
I've unposted again.
And then posted again.
And then disabled the comments.
And re-enabled 'em.....

*sigh*
I need to just pass over that $20 and go for the ass kickin'......

*sigh*

Please skip this post....

*sigh*


Don't read this post cuz it'll implicate you.
That's honest.





k......





I lied.

I danced, I decided....and I lied.

The 1st of the year I managed a spendy trip first to the ER and then to the local physician. It took me four days of doing what didn't work to show up at the doc's--and then he jabbed me in the arse.
I wasn't a happy bunny.

He was running on the theory that I'm a bit on the immune deficient side. A shot in the rearend and I was figuring I was outta there, scott free!
He did the bloodtest after the fact.
I WAS impressed that he wasn't gonna demand blood--my 'impressed' wore off to aggitation after the rearend experience.
All that did was delay my departure to the drugstore where I got ANOTHER shot in the rearend with the spendy script!
*rolling eyes*


Nope. I didn't ring him back when he called.
Not the first time, not the second time.

Tossed it off to checking up on the eyeball--he'd demanded I show back up if the spendy med AND the 'oompfh chaser' in the rearend didn't do the job.....I was trying to secure not having a repeat of THAT experience.....

The eye's fine--no more pink!
Done deal!

And then Stacy called.
What a good little nurse.....*mumbling*
The Doc wanted to see me and I was 'bad' for not returning his calls.

I'm better!
Sheeeeeeshhhh.

"The bloodwork came back and he'd like see you."


Right.
*sigh*

It was a one minute appointment.
I'm sooooooo not kidding.
All that so I could be 'informed' that my white count was higher than he was comfortable with--so he'd sent on the labwork to the oncologist, who wanted me to go in for some tests....and he gave me the dates for the tests and the subsequent appointment with the oncologist.


Right.
*sigh*



Tell. Don't tell.
Tell. Don't tell.
Truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie.....

Truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth, lie....

Pieces of my brain showed up here and confused the onlookers--it's so much FUN being surrounded by that noise and confusion 24/7.....ah yes, my brain at work.
What an amazing contraption. And ohhh......what noise and confusion.....


Wanna talk 'Denial'? --------


Noone has to know.
Ain't a big deal--just a test or two.
Hang on until you know what you're dealing with.
No sense in getting a whole bunch of folks upset.
It's not a problem unless they diagnose it.
Been there, done this.....buy time....
You wanna upset folks?
You wanna deal with their panic?
It's your deal.....your life....you can decide who you invite into this and when it's the 'right time'.
People will understand.
Quit borrowing troubles--you don't even know that there's a problem!
Skip the stupid tests--they just want your money....
What a bunch of scaredy physicians--
Or.....go get the tests done and see what they say.
Boy, what they won't do to get you into see them!
Your bloodtests are always high--he's a G.P. and he's just covering his rearend.
It'll wait..... No, don't wait--they might ring the house and upset the apple cart....
If it's what they're concerned it might be then you'll need the time to figure out how to deal with all of this......
Don't worry about it....
K....show up but let's be SMART about all this...
Quit making a big deal outta a little test or two....

(of course I know this is the tip of the iceberg.....cuz I've had enough dancing time with 'Denial' and he's assured me that all's going to be well....not a big deal...you're doing the right thing....no sense in upsetting the apple cart....)


I lied.

And I asked someone to lie with me when they asked why I was leaving work early and wouldn't take my vague answer (cuz I never EVER leave early....I'm a late leaver.....)

I lied and I pulled someone into it.

And now I've pulled every single one of whoever opens this page up into it as well.

Gotta have somewhere to put the truth.....

*sigh*

I'm sure 'Denial' will tell me that's perfectly 'okay'....that it was 'the right thing to do'....that I can 'confess the experience AFTER' I have the facts and spare anyone from 'unnecessary worry and fear'.... and they'll not only understand, they'll appreciate it....

Telling the truth here just brings worry to others.

Lies bring the worries to me.

I had the tests done today.

I'm a big girl.
Wait.
Buy time....come up with plan B when you know what you're dealing with .....won.

And I lose.

'Denial' assured me it was lose/lose.


I think he was right.

A second chance with 'Denial'.......

Let’s talk about ‘Denial’--that good friend I let go from my life…. The one I’m chasing after today.
We’re not talking about ’honesty’…it’s got absolutely nothing to do with the circumstances and ‘Denial’.

Not today….not right now, not at this minute….
Ending dance with ‘Denial’….how firm that decision was.
Choose--decide what’s ‘best for ME’ and let go to a different experience, without the company of a good friend or two.

It’s close--this ordeal with ‘Denial’ popping back into my life.
Oh, how I’ve missed many things about that relationship.
We’re comfy friends, the two of us--we’ve been down the pike a time or two…chatted til the wee hours, embraced the sweetness of bits and pieces that were mostly palatable.
I don’t think there’s anything I don’t know about ‘Denial’….I know there’s nothing he doesn’t know about me.

No secrets between the two of us--save the last five years, of course.

Which brings me into today.....and that's really not important--really it isn't.....
We picked up without missing a beat and it’s familiar and comfy and comforting.

And angering.
‘Denial’ has all sorts of questions and I find myself becoming bitter that I’m accountable to answer--obligated somehow.
Five years--there’s a whole lot of ‘explainin’ to do’.
He’s angry.
And I’m angry--let the past be.
Let what IS today be……..over there, somewhere.

Picking up where we left off--the beat’s off now, there’s questions and answers that make no sense to ‘Denial’…..ones that don’t justify the five years.
Ones that don’t make sense to ‘Denial’, with all his logic and wisdom--they’re not adding up.

He’s angry.

I’m angry he keeps asking.

LET IT GO.
Move on.
Get over it.

What matters is today and the rekindling of an old, familiar relationship that’s comfy and warm and workable between the partial realities that I force myself to pretend to contend with on rare occasion.

‘Denial’s’ madder than hell, though he assures me he doesn’t hate me…..after telling me he does.

And I keep going back for more because?

‘Denial’s’ familiar and can be so loving….really, he can make me smile so easily....

It’s all appearances.
It all comes at a cost--I know that.
In my heart I know this.
My head's the one that tells me to 'keep moving forward with this relationship'.

Five years….price you pay for choices made….
And today’s choice continues because yesterday’s wore thin.

Five years between then and now….

Time’s up.
Dance or don’t.
Choose.

It doesn’t have to be the ending dance--’Denial’ says so.

We had an ending dance and it didn't end.
What if he’s right?

Today's fairy reminder.....

You can come up with all sorts of excuses and reasonable explanations for why you are where you are.
The truth is, you are precisely where you have been willing, up to this point, to bring yourself.

You can know just what to do, and have every ability and resource with which to do it. And yet you also must be willing, or it will never happen.

Willingness comes from knowing why, on a deep and undeniable level. Willingness comes from making a solid, consistent and persistent connection to your most meaningful purposes.
Willingness comes from understanding that every action has consequences, as does every failure to act.

QOTW 1/27

When was the last time you became really, really angry?

Honestly?

This past week.

Whole body shaking, ready to lose it and just let 'er rip, from the pit of my being --ANGRY.

*shrugs*
It happens! LOL

I went for a brisk walk. That's a good way for me to spend the energy that comes with feeling out and out, rip-roaring angry.

I think I let it move from 'feeling' towards 'being'.

That's one of those deals I'd just as soon not dance with--but it happens and either I know what I'm doing with it, or it's doing it with me--plain and simple.

Better I'm responsible with it.

Elsewise I end up making hellacious messes.....and I won't have that!

(won't is the correct term....thank goodness I get to choose.....)

*snickering*

Forgive me.....

But we HAVE been freezing our arses off over here.

k....it's JUST a readin, it's JUST a reading.....

We can find the balance between needing people too much and not letting ourselves need anyone at all.

While we want others to fulfill our desire to be loved unconditionally, we may have chosen people who cannot, or will not, be there for us.

Some of us are so needy from not being loved that we drive people away by needing them too much.

Some of us go to the other extreme.

We may have become used to people not being there for us, so we push them away.

We fight off our feelings of neediness by becoming overly independent, not allowing ourselves to need anyone.

Some of us won't let people be there for us.

Either way, we are living out unfinished business.

When we change, our circumstances will change.

If we are too needy, we respond to that by accepting the needy part of us.

We let ourselves heal from the pain of past needs going unmet.

We stop telling ourselves we're unlovable because we haven't been loved the way we wanted and needed.

If we have shut off the part of us that needs people, we become willing to open up, be vulnerable, and let ourselves be loved.

We let ourselves have needs.

We will get the love we need and desire when we begin to believe we're lovable, and when we allow that to happen.

('cuse me while I go bang my head.........)

k........*trying!*

"Act as if."

There's magic in behaving the way we want to be, even though we don't yet feel it.

The behavior seems to lead the way.

The attitude, the mental state, follows.

Act as if, Mel.

Do what's in front of you and act as if.
The rest will follow.........right?

Rawrrrrrrr......(it's not required that I haffta LIKE something to do it anyway...k......)

*going forth and acting as if*

Hey!
I know!

I'll 'act as if' I'm a lion!

Rawwwwwrrrrrrrr!

:-D

I'm such a grump bucket. LOL

Ms. Grump Bucket and Mr. Crabby Pants.

*snickering*

Works!

Rawwwwwwrrrrrrrrr!

It's Friday!

Ummmmm........

Yippee!

*hitting button multiple times*

C'MONNNNNNNNN enlightenment!!!!!!!!

Another round of 'baby it's cold outside'?

*humming*

I really can't stay - Baby it's cold outside
I've got to go away - Baby it's cold outside
This evening has been - Been hoping that you'd drop in
So very nice - I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice
My mother will start to worry - Beautiful, what's your hurry
My father will be pacing the floor - Listen to the fireplace roar
So really I'd better scurry - Beautiful, please don't hurry well
Maybe just a half a drink more - Put some music on while I pour

The neighbors might think - Baby, it's bad out there
Say, what's in this drink - No cabs to be had out there
I wish I knew how - Your eyes are like starlight now
To break this spell - I'll take your hat, your hair looks swell
I ought to say no, no, no, sir - Mind if I move a little closer
At least I'm gonna say that I tried - What's the sense in hurting my pride
I really can't stay - Baby don't hold out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

C'mon baby

I simply must go - Baby, it's cold outside
The answer is no - Ooh baby, it's cold outside
This welcome has been - I'm lucky that you dropped in
So nice and warm -- Look out the window at that storm
My sister will be suspicious - Man, your lips look so delicious
My brother will be there at the door - Waves upon a tropical shore
My maiden aunt's mind is vicious - Gosh your lips look delicious
Well maybe just a half a drink more - Never such a blizzard before

I've got to go home - Oh, baby, you'll freeze out there
Say, lend me your comb - It's up to your knees out there
You've really been grand - Your eyes are like starlight now
But don't you see - How can you do this thing to me
There's bound to be talk tomorrow - Making my life long sorrow
At least there will be plenty implied - If you caught pneumonia and died
I really can't stay - Get over that old out
Ahh, but it's cold outside

Baby it's cold outside



What's the difference between -19 and -34?

Yeah, yeah.......18 degrees.


They're BOTH freakin' cold.

*looking for scarf and muttons*

TFTD

You have got to know what it is you want, or someone is going to sell you a bill of goods somewhere along the line that can do irreparable damage to your self esteem, your sense of worth, and your stewardship of the talents that God gave you.--Richard Nelson Bolles

The ending dance with 'Denial'......

One of the things that happen when you get really sick--is your relationships with people.....change.

Oh, I know they change with 'life', period.

But get a terminal illness and you'll discover that your interaction with the whole world becomes 'different'.

Right, wrong or indifferent....It just does.

You're not sure what you're doing or how you're gonna be dealing with all the 'stuff'.... they don't know what they're doing or how they're going to be dealing with all the 'stuff'....

Things get scary--for everyone.

They become really scary, really fast.

And even with the best of intentions, decisions get made and relationships get changed.....

......sometimes forever.

I got sick.
And then I got sicker.

And then I got really sick.
For a whole lot of years I did the dance of sick, better, sick, better, sick, really sick, sorta better....on and on ....and on......

It wasn't a fun time for anyone.

I really and truly don't fault anyone their decision.
I believe folks were doing the best that they could--dancing as fast as they possibly could with all the stuff that was going on in their lives and in mine.

And in all that 'dancing'-- I decided that a good friend and I needed to be separated in our journeys.
'Denial' needed to go down his path and I needed to go mine.
It was really difficult for 'Denial' to watch me do this dance with sickness over and over and over again.....it was really difficult for 'Denial' to abide by my wishes and let me make the best choice for me--even if the choice wasn't a comfortable choice for him, or for me.

So I 'x-ed' him out of my world.

Not in an angry,vindictive, hurtful way.
But I 'x-ed' 'Denial' out just the same.

I let 'Denial' go, in love, with love and out of love.

And I began my years worth of silent treatment with 'Denial'.

I got better and didn't tell 'Denial'.
I got into a relationship with a short little fella from England and didn't tell 'Denial'.
Kiddos acted out, kiddos ran away, kiddos moved out and on with their lives and I didn't tell 'Denial'.

I got married and didn't tell 'Denial'.

Whole lives changed and 'Denial' wasn't privy to the infomation.

Circumstances changed in my life over and over again--and 'Denial' was left in the dark.......wondering, worrying, hoping....praying......talking with the angel that I never became....

'Denial' entered back into my life without my knowing.

But there he was in all his glory--befuddled at my existence, overcome with joy for his discovery.

Not a whole lot has changed even though everything's changed.

And years of silence has only given way to the anger of being ripped off from the privilege of walking through the storms with a person you desperately wanted to do the journey with.......

Here's one I NEED to remember before I DO anything today...

If you're not clear about your purpose on this day, random events, distractions and circumstances beyond your control will impose a purpose upon you.


Who/what is going to decide your purpose--you or the circumstances?

Today's thought --and questions

"You must give some time to your fellow men. Even if it's a
little thing, do something for others - something for which
you get no pay but the privilege of doing it."

-- Albert Schweitzer



How much do I give?
What do I give?
Why do I give?



Give more of yourself today.

Give graciously and gratefully.

Moving right along---

***please feel free to ignore the two posts following this one***

We now resume our normal broadcast schedule.

We interrupt this broadcast for an important announcement.....(for Mel, of course....)

Please be advised--this is one of those finger to the keyboard moments in time.

Those who know me well, know that's the history of how I operate.......and you realize you won't always 'understand' what the heck Mel's rambling on about.....but you listen and love me just the same, bless your pea pickin' hearts. Those of you who don't 'know' me--run for the hills!!

(just kidding.....I think......)

Maybe it's that fourth step that I've just finished up--this need to put the cards on the table for myself.
More likely, it's a by-product of who I really AM. I'm a 'put 'em on the table' kinda gal....warts and all....tada....hereeeeeeeeeeee's MEL!

How can one expect another person to love you, warts and all if you never show the freaking warts and are busy hiding 'em cuz you're scared they WON'T love you, warts and all?
They never get a chance and YOU never give it to them.....







I also know a few things about me.



I know I lie to myself on a regular basis.

I also know that means, by default, that I lie to anyone who opens this page and decides they're going to read Mel's life and walk away with something of value. (ha! I just made a joke!)

The value is--I'll put it out there--even when it's an exercise in Mel's fingers doing the talking and putting into black and white what's been swirling around, ungrounded and disheveled. (isn't that just how I read...LOL Totally ungrounded and a mess!)



In the process (cuz it is a process for me), lies will be told based on the information/perceptions that I have--which is oft times lacking.....LOL Data is everything next to perception. And if there's a loss of perception I either come to rely on the perceptions of other's around me......or the information at hand. Both can be faulty. LOL Shocker, but true.



Sucks that I'm part human and I have to rely on that 'stuff'.
But there you have it.

I'd rather have one of those neat, orderly brains where things always make sense and are 'logical.

Suddenly I'm feeling like an episode of Star Trek...why is that?



So......



*putting cards on the table*

I SUCK.

*sigh*

Really....I do.
I finished that fourth step and I wasn't thrilled.
AT all.

And I have to share it with another human being and G-D?!!
Like the Big Guy had NO clue until I put it on paper.......

I still suck.
And I'm kinda angry about it.
No..I'm angry about it.
Like really, really angry about it.
Selfish, self centered snot-nosed brat that I can be--of course I'm mad. One more time, instead of tellin' on myself cuz that's the right thing TO do, some structured exercise busts me out with what IS true.......

I suck.

*note to self*
Do NOT give yourself permission to say 'It's okay, Mel....'....cuz you know damn well it ain't.

Yep.
I suck.

(bookmark this page for future reference while you're at it!)

!done!

check, check, check!

If you're not clear about your purpose on this day, random events, distractions and circumstances beyond your control will impose a purpose upon you.

Look beyond the outer concerns of what you're doing and look at why you've chosen to do it.

I think the clue to this one is to be forthright with yourself about what the purpose for doing what your doing truly IS.

And I'm notorious for lying to myself.

Check the motives, Mel.
What can be innocent and purposeful LOOKING can be way off the path that you're wanting to walk--that you've committed TO walk.
CHECK motives.

*sigh*
Sometimes.....I suck.

Simpleness.....

Is our past a mistake?

No.

The only mistake we can make is mistaking that for the truth.

Fuzz therapy......

*sigh*

It think I need a moment with Milkshake.
Oh wait......he's not fuzzy.

The bear on the bed.
Or.....one of the bazillion on the shelves. (k......so I have a few bears.......)
Pick the shelf.
Bedroom shelves?
Laundry room?
Guestroom?

Bathroom!
Oh wait.....no bears in the bathroom--just ducks.
(we can remedy that!)

OR--I could settle for a ducky disco bath with bubbles.
*thinking*

Nah.

Fuzz therapy.
Pick the victim and go give it a hug!

It's kinda been one of 'those' days.
Wait!
Perspective is everything--it's been a day with 'those' kinda moments tossed in it.

There!
*sigh*

*going to find a victim (or 20) for fuzz therapy*

*snickering*

"Ho Hum.......Onward to the Iraqi torture chamber......."





Yep.....himself has physical therapy this morning.

*chuckling*



Do I NEED more proof for the name change given to Mr. Crabby Pants?

Lead ON Ms. Fairy!

For every tragedy, there are a thousand joys.
For every setback, there are countless ways to move positively forward.
Though the world may sometimes seem cold and dreary, though life can certainly be unfair, it is at the same time filled with an unending supply of possibilities.

As painful as the losses can be, love will heal to an even greater degree.

Your own existence is so thoroughly familiar to you that you rarely think anything about it.

What you have is so much more than what you can touch or see.
What you have is everything that is, and all that can ever be.

I think we can.

I think we can.
I think we can.
I think we can.

IthinkwecanIthinkwecanIthinkwecan!

*gathering up treats for this evening's game*

Yep.
Packer's fan.
Always have been....

Therefore, I reserve the right to call 'em STUPID Packers if warranted.

Oh, but IthinkwecanIthinkwecanIthinkwecan!




*******
Rats.
Nope--we didn't.
*shrugs*
Ah well....

QOTW 1/20

Have you ever stole anything?
Do you still have the stolen goods?

YES to the first question and YES to the second question.

Though I will say what I steal today isn't anything in comparison to what I stole long ago.
I paid for the police car....LOL And I've made restitution for the long list of stolen goods before getting my act 'semi-together'. (please note I said SEMI-together....)
I'd be here all morning listing 'em.
I'm a thief.

*hanging head*

And I STILL thieve.
*sigh*

Though I do make trips BACK to stores when I find myself in possession of a stolen pen.
And I did mail back the bitty spoon I took from a bed and breakfast at Isle of Wight. (That was an unplanned thieving--I'd 'borrowed it' during an outting and didn't MEAN to carry it all the way back to Iowa......and I got such a lovely letter from the folks I mailed it back to!)

Yep.
Still a thief...and I display the stolen goods.

(see below)
Sand--stolen.
Shells--stolen.
Starfish--stolen.
Rocks---stolen.
Driftwood--stolen.
Seaweed--yep.......stolen.

Now the rocks with 'believe' and 'imagine'........THOSE I paid for.
And the shovel.......I THINK the sis paid for it. LOL But with her......you never know!
(pot, kettle, pot, kettle! LOL)

Again.......

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Introducing......

The vibrating cow.


Smiling with arms opened wide.....

Yep.
And there's now a chosen name!






Milkshake.


Oh g'head....Mr. Crabby Pants groaned, too.......

Happy is as happy does.......

When it's -22 degrees out there you make your own sunshine and warmth!

*humming happily*

Yep.
Ghostie pancakes!

Life......is GOOD!

Happy fairies---

Find joy in doing nothing and you can find it in everything.

Experience happiness without a reason and you can create happiness for any reason.

Realize that happiness is not the result of good things, but is indeed the cause of good things.

There is nothing you need in order to be happy other than the choice to be.

Baby, it's cold outside

In the darn near five years himself ---errrrr....Mr. Crabby Pants--has been stateside, I only recall one occasion when the front drapes were closed.

It would seem either we're too lazy and can't be bothered, or.....there's really been no occasion?

Yeah, well, they're closed tonight.

Why?

Cuz it's freaking cold out there, that's why!

Cold enough that when you sit on the couch you can feel it rolling off the windows and coming down around your shoulders.

But I've discovered something from closing the draperies--

It's a cozy little room, the livingroom.

Low lighting.

Comfy seating.

Fluffy pillows and simple candles.

Lighthouses on shelves with Harmony Kingdom boxes, bottles of shells and sand scattered about....the dish of sand, shells and rocks that I play with within reach.......critters basking quietly--

......oh yeah......and the vibrating cow with his arms thrown wide, smiling from the couch.

LOL

Maybe I oughta move him, huh?

Nahhhhhhhhhhhh.....

This morning's music brought to you by....

See the pyramids along the Nile

See the sunrise from a tropic isle

Just remember darling, all the while

You belong to me

See the market place in old Algiers
Send me photographs and souvenirs
Just remember when a dream appears

You belong to me

I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

Fly the ocean in a silver plane
See the jungle when it's wet with rain
Just remember till you're home again

You belong to me

I'll be so alone without you
Maybe you'll be lonesome too

See the pyramids along the Nile
See the sunrise from a tropic isle
Just remember darling, all the while

You belong to me

Who wouldn't love the voice......

There's PENGUINS out there!!

And while the sister in California is outside sunning in 80 degree weather--here we are in Snowy Iowa.

Yep.

It's snowing!

Again.

*checking out the window*

Yep.

Big fat fluffy flakes.

*checking some more*

But.....nope.......no penguins.....

I betcha they're hiding in the bushes in the back yard!

Ya don't think she sent me on the comic as some sorta cyber 'raspberry' do ya?

*going to look for Mr. Snowmaninabucket*

Yeah, yeah....it's not the 'right kinda snow'.

I just wanna set it on the bed next to Mr. Crabby Pants, watch him pull the covers up over his head, and listen to the grumbly noises he makes. LOL

Just so I remember what I already know....

Many of the good and valuable things you do will go unnoticed by everyone else.
Do them anyway, because you will know.

Many of the contributions you make will not be fully appreciated by others.
Make them anyway, because they're the right things to do.

It's great when you receive recognition for the work you do and the high standards you maintain.
Yet even when there is no possibility of recognition, there is still plenty of reason to give your very best.

Even when no one else is watching, you are watching.
Even when no one else appreciates the value of what you're doing, you understand that value.

Your honest, authentic view of yourself influences all that you do.
And that view is formed largely during the times when no one is watching.

Be ever true to yourself and to the values you hold dear.

Your life is a living expression of who you truly know you are.

The Fairy knows Emerson!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.--Ralph Waldo Emerson

What good qualities lie within us?

How will we choose to use them today?

These simple questions point our way.

Yet, on some days it seems so easy to get swept along with thoughts of tomorrow.
And when we are not worrying about tomorrow, we may fall into regrets about yesterday.

Either way, we are distracted from our only opportunity to make a real difference - to be the kind of person we want to be in this moment, to learn from today's experiment in living.

On this day, I will walk a little slower and listen more intently.

On this day--I'm gonna get med management recertification.
I better be listening more intently--or I'll find myself flunking the test!

*sigh*

Okay, that's a true statement, however--I know the reading fairy has a really good point here.
Focus on what and WHO is in front of me--grab every opportunity as one for the good and treat it accordingly.
Try thanking the Big Guy for giving them all to you.....instead of grumbling about all the responsibilities.
Gee golly.

If you hadn't worked so hard to become responsible--
Yeah, well I worked hard to become responsible for a reason.

OH wait.......I know...it was so I could have MORE responsibilities! Wooooohoooooo!

I'm such an ungrateful snot sometimes.
*sigh*

And here I am, making it look like it's NOT.

k.......

I like responsibilities.
And I like that other people see me AS responsible--sometimes even 'hyper-responsible'. (k.....that part is worthy of paying some attention to.....)
And I'll keep being responsible cuz other people are affected when I'm not....adversely so....

And the Emerson bit.
He has it right.
I'll try to repeat this little sentence when I'm about to discount what lies 'within me'.

Cuz I do that, yaknow.

Obviously. LOL

Gee. I think #1 wisepersoninmylife mighta had a point when he light heartedly told me that the homework wasn't changing cuz I hadn't done it.

Oops? LOL

The price of antiques.....

For once in a blue-moon (of which I'll check for later) I didn't work Tuesday night.
Trust me when I tell you that was more of a sacrifice than most folks believe it to be.
Regardless, I didn't work--in fact, they 'kicked me out' around two o'clock today.

Whaddaya do when you suddenly have an afternoon and an evening off?
Nothing!
Woooooohoooooo!!!!
(Himself didn't buy that as a good plan--there's a reason I'm referring to him as "Mr. Crabby-Pants"!)

Soooooo...... we did something.....

This would never make it in today's world as a child's toy....
*chuckling*

I'm not sure it shoulda qualified in yesterdays' world either. He looks kinda....spooky.

Please don't laugh when I confess that I have one of these--complete with red paint on the handle. I'm sure it's lead paint.
Ask if I care.
It's older than dirt and it belonged to step-mother's step mother.

OH MY GOSH......yep, I remember my daddy tellin' me about these things.
Jukeboxes and--gosh....what did they use to call 'em.....records?

REAL leaded glass in solid oak furniture.
We have a couple pieces of refinished oak furniture.
After seeing the price on this cabinet I'm thinkin' I understand how auctions and refurnishing furniture got so big around here.

And STUFF!
*chuckling*
I even knew what 90% of it was!
(Himself was duly impressed--I shoulda lied and avoided the wisecracks about my age.)

Did we buy 'old stuff'.
*nodding*
It's now in our train cabinet. A little postcard and a couple of train ads that I'll get framed for the train room.

But yaknow....it's a strange thing to walk around and see things that surrounded you in your childhood--with price tags on 'em. Hefty ones, to boot......

Tonight's sunset

......how come we can never quite capture just how awesome it all is.....


Oh... I know.....cuz we don't get to.
:-)

Somethings I'm just not suppose to capture.

Checkmate fairy

Once the game is over, the king and the pawn go back into the same box.

--Italian proverb

True humility occurs when we stop shaming or inflating ourselves and begin accepting ourselves as no worse and no better than anyone else.

ET phoned home.....

So, I talked with #1 wisepersoninmylife and let him know I'd put something into black and white that left me looking and feeling stupid.
He was all sorts of sympathetic, lemme tell ya..

I assured him, REALLY....it looked stupid and I told him I was thinking I oughta go back and delete the darn thing---yaknow, 'destroy all evidence.

He asked me if it was honest.

Now how do you answer that one?

You can be honest about your 'feelings' but mine are oft times not even based on facts/truths. So what I put out there might be true cuz that's what I'm well and truly feeling/thinking--but gosh golly....I'm well and truly SCARED when I'm convinced someone's in a ditch--dead....cuz they're an hour late and haven't rung home!

I told him I'd call it "gross and icky--and....gross and icky. Yaknow...gross. Icky...".

This is when he asked for a copy.

Oy. FINE.
Lemme copy and paste that one into an email for ya.....

He sounded appropriately grateful.

And THEN he reminded me that MOST people fear lightening bolts and the wrath of G-d---not the LOVE of G-d.

Oh YEAH....that's ME. Yaknow, the bassackwards one.

Smite me all you like, but LOVE me--uh uh.

I secretly really wanted to be loved by the Big Guy--but to lay myself open to LET Him love me and let people KNOW......
*gak*

Yeah, well, #1 wisepersoninmylife thinks it's all good, this 'letting it look how it is' stuff.

I--on the other hand--have been giving it a go for a good amount of time and it's still turns my guts to LET it just be where it is. k....MAYBE I haven't given it my best shot.

k.....I've barely been willing to give it a go ON RARE OCCASION.

It's that gakky stuff that gets me. It's almost like I haffta discount it when it comes my way.

k......there's no 'almost' to that.

Himself hugged me the other day....in front of a gal I work with....

"I pay him good money to do that, yaknow......cash up front!"

*sigh*
I love himself like no-other.

WHY I don't just let it look like that outside of this house--why I refuse to let it look like that.....Oy oy oy.....

And LOOK willing?
ME?

How stupid looking is THAT?

(I'm really, really anti-looking stupid, huh?)

Himself, following the 'betcha can't' with the cuss words, wanted to do another 'betcha can't' with me.

"24 hours without saying 'NO!'...what about it?"

"NO!"

'Course....I say 'NO!' to nearly everything, even when I mean 'yes'.

"Would you like me to put those eyedrops in?"

"NO!"

(And then I run like heck and lock myself in the bathroom.)

"Could you bring in the bag from the car?"

"NO!"

(hands on hips, smirking and inviting a fight--I put the bag BACK into the car and smugly shut the door) (can I have points for it looking playful at least?)

I will NOT let myself look AS willing as I really am.

k......maybe I'm not willing about those stupid eyedrops, but youknowwhatImean....

*sigh*

I told #1 wisepersoninmylife about that one, he LIKED the idea.....and thought I oughta go for it.

(yeah, you guessed it.....)

"NO!"

*sigh*

It all goes back to that 'lookin' stupid' deal I have going on.

I gotta get past that.

I gotta trust that the people around me will actually TELL me when I'm lookin' gakky and stupid and......icky and gross.

Righhhhhhttttttt.

No freakin' way........LOL

290 days and counting......

It's only 290 days til Halloween.

I can do this.
I can do this.
I CAN do this.......

:-)

........yikes.........

Take out a sheet of paper.

On the top of it write, "If it was okay to feel whatever I'm feeling, and I wouldn't be judged as bad or wrong, what would I be feeling?"

We are on a continual treasure hunt and one of the treasures we're seeking is the emotional part of ourselves.

We don't have to do it perfectly.
We need only be honest, open, and willing to try.

Right then!

It's like having a blank sidewalk and a bucket of chalk.....only it's the semi-decorated bathroom mirror and we have mirror markers!

Yep.....let the writings begin!
Any bets on who starts it first? LOL

And the question for the week is-----

(g'head and hold your breath, I did......)


What's occupying your mind right now--at this very moment?

*checking*
*sigh*
I knew when I got that question, I'd be scrambling.
Truth, lie, truth, lie.....tempting to lie and make it look different than it is.
But--I'd be lying if I said anything less than what was true. It's an exercise in futility for me to lie--I end up telling the truth anyway, even if it makes me look stupid. (and I don't particularly LIKE looking stupid......I've been known to go to great lenghts to avoid looking stupid.)
I even thought about passing on the question and putting up 'what's your shoe size'.
Oh I can be such an avoidant creature.......

FINE.



So, right now--I'm worried....concerned for people who matter to me.
There you have it!

Yeah yeah, I know--I can even hear wisepersoninmylife telling me "if you're gonna pray why worry and if you're gonna worry--why even bother with praying".
Trust me--I've done both and I'm still doing both.
I'm a stubborn little poopus and I don't 'let go/turn things over' easily.....obviously. LOL

Even when I KNOW letting go/turning it over might be THE best answer, I'm notorious for kicking and screaming and leaving claw marks as it's ripped outta my hands.

I don't like feeling around in the dark.
And I especially don't like that helplessness that comes with not being 'allowed' to be present for people.
And there's definitely more than one way to be 'left in the dark'--I'm experiencing a whole lot of them at the moment...in a whole lotta places.
Here, there--seemingly in a whole lotta places in my life.......
Folks disappearing from their normal 'haunts', people suddenly not wanting to say what's true for them, people avoiding getting together, people not returning calls for weeks--two months even....*sigh*

Yep--Worried.
Concerned......
Mostly concerned. LOL Like that makes it 'different' than 'worried'?

I'll keep praying about it and for those folks who've decided that toughing it out alone is the answer for them.
Cuz I've been there....more than once.
And I had to learn via that two by four to the head that I really don't haffta do that, that there's value in the company......even when we try to convince ourselves it's the best answer.
I took that time away from people who cared about me and wanted to be a part of the solution--or even just a part of the journey.
I managed to lie (or withheld truth--cuz that always sounded better than 'lie'.....) and steel myself to letting anyone be a part of the chaos and pain I was trying to deal with.
I managed to wander through the better part of it, alone and just doing what was in front of me. I convinced myself that was the best that I could do.
And yaknow...maybe it was.
At that moment, maybe it was the best I could do.

*sigh*
And therein lies the lesson for Mel.
Quit worrying--people are doing the best they can do at this very moment in time.
Be present when they resurface and are ready to let someone be there for the journey....cuz that's what you did, ya dork.

*sigh*
See how that works?!
If I keep fingers to keyboard LONG enough, it comes full circle.

Hit publish?
k......now how stupid would THAT look.

*rolling eyes*
VERY.

Yeah, yeah......do it anyway cuz there's value in letting people see things as they really ARE for me, today. (or so I'm told......obviously, I'm not convinced of that one yet.....)
I'm SURE I'll hear about how valuable this was....NOT!

Okay...but I'm not thrilled that I'm gonna look stupid.

*hitting publish*
(and reserving the right to delete this post at a later time, of course....LOL)

Atma is Sanskrit for 'soul'.....

Well that was kinda fun.
All I had to do was follow the instructions. LOL
Yeah, yeah......what were the odds of that?!
But I did, and TA DA!!
It's kinda fitting, the end product....

Thanks ma'am and ma'am--that really was a good time!

TFTD

Change of scene has no effect upon unconscious conflicts.--Edmund Bergler, M.D.

There's no running away from the internal strife.
Whatever haunts us must finally be confronted and resolved if we're ever to grow and contribute to our world.
When we keep secrets locked away, the secrets begin to keep us locked away as well.
It is folly, and yet entirely human, to think a new location, a new job, a new lover will cure whatever troubles us.
The truth is, however, that whatever trips us up is at the same time trying to edge us forward to new awareness, and thus the next level of growth.

Our troubles are tools for a strengthened foundation.
Without them, we'd soon crumble.

When we consider the conflicts we encounter as opportunities for further development, they excite us rather than provoke anxiety.
Changing our perspective can make the same scene appear quite new.





(excuse me whilest I make raspberry sounds at the fairies....)

Pfffffffffffffffftttttttttt! :-P

Detour----

Yeah....well, it took us three turns to actually get outta town. LOL
Some moments are like that.
First we forgot the coupons himself had printed for a shop he wanted to stop at.
Then (oh darn and drat--or is that 'alas and alack?) himself forgot the cellphone.
....k.....*I* forgot the cellphone. Or....maybe it was some (deliberate? LOL) slip due to my adversion to cellphones.
Yeah, well....he MADE me go back.

Trust me, that was NOT my idea.

And then there was that 'oh look ... a chicken!' moment.
A detour to the dam where the water's still running (the river will freeze up this week--they're saying multiple sub-zero days next week...oh joy.....)

But we saw an eaglet!
And I ventured by the water til himself nearly had heart failure cuz he thought I was gonna slide in. *rolling eyes*
Geeze.
I do know how to swim!

He was mumbling about hypothermia.
Hey! I had my muttons on! Geeze, he's such a worry wart!

Matters not--I had a wander around in the quiet...away from the river.

And we did make it to the shops. OH BOY!!
And himself found holiday lights on sale!
(like we need more of those....LOL)

I never shoulda showed him that video on youtube. LOL

Oh look......a chicken!

.....k......not really..... (betcha realized that one....LOL)

Saturday plans

We're going on an adventure....
No.
Let's say that exactly AS it's sounding in your head, Mel.

We ARE going on an adventure--getting OUT of this house IS going to happen!
(aside from physical therapy and the grocery store--himself's not been outta the house in two weeks)
Trust me when I say that's as much for him as it is for me.

G-d love him.
He's dancin' as fast as he can with all this.

BUT.....
(He's makin' me crazy....LOL)

We ARE going on an adventure.
Getting OUT of this house IS happenin'!

Yes, it's an ad from Sunday's paper...

By the way--the car's sold. LOL

Maturity

Maturity doesn't come with age or intellectual wisdom, only with love.

--Ruth Casey

Today's thought from the reading fairy

One must lose one's life in order to find it.--Anne Morrow Lindbergh

We are often so busy trying to control the outcome of the happenings in our daily lives, so intent on projecting our tomorrows that we let life slip by.
Life is today.
This is all we have for sure - the moments in our lives we cannot hold.
Life is a series of things to let go of - our friends and loved ones, our children as they grow, our dreams, or our youth.
Only we ourselves are a constant to be found and learned about every day, in the present moment.

How well can I enjoy each moment today?




The only constant in my life--- is me.


Now there's a scary thought...

5, 5, 5.5, 4, 6, 3

I don't like witnesses.
LOL

Now THERE'S a surprise......

I didn't think anyone'd seen the slip-sliding moment between me, the ice and the car door.
I'da been grateful if that'd been the case.

.....but OH nooooooooo......

Smartiepants, all of 'em.
I walked into work to a barrage of little green stickey note 'scores' being held up by the staff I work with.

Hmmmmmph.

I'd given myself at LEAST a 6.5 for form!

*chugging*

...no reason whatsoever....

Nutzoid......yep......

*checking*

Yep...it's starting to make me nutzoid.

The table can't be 'made'. Ya know, like table cloth and placemats ON the table.....yeah, well, that's not happenin'....a pillow has to slide across that sucker.
There's a yardstick in the corner. This shouldn't particularly bother a gal who tosses her socks and leaves shoes wherever they fall off. Himself uses it as a whozit thingy to extend his arm out and up.
And there's the pulley hanging from the linen closet door. No need to really go into the linen closet when you aren't able to 'make' the table, right? I have good plans for that pulley and an ear of corn---eventually......

And then..........there's himself, who wanders aimlessly.
And I do mean aimlessly.

And we're on week-- Wait....what week are we on?
*consulting calendar*
GOOD GRIEF!

*sigh*
We're not even a month into this deal.

The good news is the physical therapist handed over permission to drive (in town, of course.....though I'm not sure how that qualifies the permission when he could give a good yank on the steering wheel IN town and screw up the work on his shoulder just as well as he could OUT of town......hmmmm....maybe I shoulda asked to see the permission slip?)

The bad news is--we're not even a month into the six that was forecasted.

Rawr.

Yep.
Nutzoid I tell ya!



The sis in California sent a DVD to himself.
Himself thought that was sweeter than sweet.
LITTLE does he know.....

*snickering*
"The Fugitive"


The lightbulb will go on for him.
I have faith! LOL

See....it IS all about MEMEME......LOL

We have no control over others.
Realizing this relieves us of a great burden.

Afterall, controlling our own behavior is a big enough job.

Learning to behave responsibly takes practice.

Emotional immaturity is slow to depart, but every responsible action we take gives us the courage for another - and then another.

Our own fulfillment is the by-product of the accumulation of our own responsible actions.

Others' actions need not concern us.

Okay....I admit it. The reading fairy didn't have that last line in bold print.
I however, have it highlighted in the reading book FOR A REASON.

"Others' actions need not concern us."
Like minding my OWN isn't a full time job?

*sigh*

Responsible.

I AM responsible.

Whether I wanna be or NOT..I am.

Wait.

Let me say that with a little more enthusiasm.

I AM responsible! Wooooohooooooo!

*shudder*