From our house to yours......

Happy, Happy, Joyous New Year!!

Here's to a year filled with LOTS more bubbles..
And sidewalk chalks.

And rubber duckies

And crayons

And finger paints

And swimming penguins in the bathtub!!

:-)

What's this?

Ummmmm.......A yellow bellied sap sucker.

Gosh.
EVERYbody knows that.....

And I've named him, what?
(cuz every thing gets a name from yours truly!)

The yellow bellied sap suckery dude.
*nodding happily*
I believe in keeping things simple. LOL

TFTD

One can never pay in gratitude; one can only pay "in kind" somewhere else in life.--Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Life is a series of payments.

The common expression, "What goes around, comes around," is a truth that governs each of our lives.

As members of the human family, we have received untold "payments" from others.

On occasion, the payment may not have been one we'd have chosen for ourselves.

It takes the distance of time to realize that our payments are meant for our good.

And we can share the goodness; in fact, we need to share the goodness with one another.

If we give to another the joy given to us, if we give to another the understanding given to us, if we give to another the friendship given to us, we will be ready to receive more in kind.....

QOTW 12/31

Looking back--give us a few 'highlights' / 'lowlights' of your 2007?

Lowlight:

Getting moved to a position of responsibility that I never aspired to have, moving me further away from doing what I got into the field TO do.

Highlight:

Getting moved into a position of responsibility that I never aspired to have, putting me in the position of helping other people find that mission and chase it with their whole hearts. (Gee, even the lowlight has a highlight.)

Highlight:

Discovering a host of folks/or being discovered by a host of folks (however you care to look at it) who bring awesome things to my life without even meaning to. Thank you to all you cool people who visit/allow me to visit and for all the wonderful blessings you bring to my life, for making me laugh and get weepy and for helping me 'hear' things that I sometimes don't hear so well via other avenues!
If that hasn't happened for you....stick around and spread yourself around, it will!

Highlight:

The trip to visit the sister in California.
That was just plain wonderful. We got to splash and play and wander and have adventure after adventure after adventure.
I've decided we can do that one again!

Highlight:

Returning from the trip to California to a fancy, decorated office.
Oh, it's not the office itself. The whole world knows my sentiments about being stuck in an office.
It's the thought that went into it and the bit inside me that got 'wowed' by the folks who made the time, pooled the talent and had the desire to put that all together cuz they WANTED to........gosh........for ME?

Highlight:

Having another year to look back on, period.
The laughter, the loving--the FUN that it's been to get to be a part of this whole deal called life.
And the absense of that darkness that tends to loom around, ever reminding me that it could all get ripped away at the drop of a single bloodtest.

Highlight:

The whirly, swirly penguin that zooms around the bathtub if you sit real still in the middle of the bubbles....
She ZIPS around with the propeller on her butt and occasionally ZOOMS up to the top and sprays water ALL over the bathroom, only to dive again and ZIP around some more!

ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!! LOL
Yeah, yeah......so it was near an hour in the bath and there were puddles on the floor--

.......resolutions, schmesolutions.........

So tomorrow is New Year's Eve.
I always get a bit......weird, come New Year's Eve. (yeah, yeah...I know I'm weird every day.....pffffffffttttttt!!!!!)

It's that 'anniversary of bio-mother's death' jazz.
It's never seemed 'right' to get carried away with 'celebrations' on that day.
Just another day....
Oh...and add 'remember to change the calendar'!

I'm not keen on 'resolutions'.

And I don't sign up for any 'party' type of deal.

Typically--I work on the Eve and on the 1st.

Boring, eh? LOL
Busy is always good for me.
I suck when I have too much idle time.

Himself asked me if there'd be a resolution this year.
Resolution this YEAR?
*sigh* My whole LIFE has been one freaking resolution after another. LOL I don't get the luxury of setting aside ONE DAY to look backwards/forwards to then decide what I need to do! I get to do that every day......LOL EVERY day--for the past thirty some years, day in day out.

Resolution?
Apparently himself has a need to make one and would like some company.......

Right......lemme see......

I resolve to stop stealing himself's coffee in the morning. (nah......not willing! LOL)
Umm...
I resolve to eat only things that are good for me. (defined 'good'.......probably includes parsnips, huh?......ummm.....pass!)
I resolve to ____________.

Oy geeze.....
Lemme get back to you on that one.
I have a whole 24 hours or so.......right?

......hmmmmm.......

It's a matter of personal taste, I'm sure.

Hmmm.....which one, which one.....

Table 1 (see above)

Or Table 2 (see below)

Decisions, decisions..LOL

Living in Today.....

I've shut the door on yesterday,
And thrown the key away.
Tomorrow holds no fears for me,
Since I have found today.
-- Vivian Yeiser Laramore

Today's adventure

Today's adventure--wasn't exactly planned.
Himself decided today was the day that we needed to swap out a prezzie he got me for a taller make and model. (I'm a bit longer than he thinks! LOL There's a reason I lovingly refer to his shortness.....)
We got about five miles outta town when himself casually mentioned that it was apt to be a bit ......busy..... in the shops, given it was the weekend after the holidays.

AUGHHHH!!!!!
Detour! Detour!! (darn good thing I was in charge of the Jeep!)
It was good for some photos and it certainly didn't hurt himself's disposition--he wayyyyyyyy needed a change of scenery.
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it. LOL

We saw geesies and old wagons......and if you look hard you can see the deer that's sneaking in.

And there was burbling creeks!

And more geesies.......and snow! Oh BOY was there snow......

AND we saw turkey lurkies! Obviously didn't bother the deer one iota......

Yep.

It was a way cool adventure.

And yep.....we made it to the shops.

And YES it was NUTZ!

But I got some awesome photos.

AND I have new fuzzy jammies!

:-)

Life is good!

*sigh*

The price of dishonesty is self-destruction.

--Rita Mae Brown

Another reading fairy moment......

Knowing that a relationship is changing or is about to end is a difficult place to be in, especially when it is not yet time to act but we know the time is drawing near.

It can be awkward and uncomfortable, as the lesson draws to a close.

We may become impatient to put closure on it, but not yet feel empowered to do that.

That's okay.

The time is not yet right.

Something important is still happening.

When the time is right, we can trust that it will happen.

We will receive the power and the ability to do what we need to do.

Ending relationships or changing the boundaries of a particular relationship is not easy.

It requires courage and faith.

It requires a willingness on our part to take care of ourselves and, sometimes, to stand-alone for a while.

Let go of fear.

Understand that change is an important part of having different.

Love yourself enough to do what you need to do to take care of yourself, and find enough confidence to believe that you will love again.

We are never starting over.

We are moving forward in a perfectly planned progression of lessons.

We will find ourselves with certain people - in love, family, friendships, and work - when we need to be with them.

When the lesson has been mastered, we will move on.

We will find ourselves in a new place, learning new lessons, with new people.

No, the lessons are not all painful.

We will arrive at that place where we can learn, not from pain, but from joy and love.

Ummmmm.......

We're listening to Philip Glass.

Geeze.....When he was 23 he was listening to the Swingle Singers, Jacques Loussier Trio--and Gustav Mahler....some double album with a sunset on the front that he snagged as a 'squaddie' in Bovington because he liked the photo.

Ummmmmm......Me?
Jim Croce
Cat Stephens
Don Mclean
Three Dog Night
Jackson Browne
America.....

*scratching head*

How did we land up together?
--someone remind me.....LOL

Oy, ack and rawr......

Himself has started physical therapy.

Now, that's standard operating procedure for the arthroscopic stuff that they did (so I'm told....LOL......Like I'd KNOW this stuff?)
But himself has decided that he hates the physical therapist.
I'm sure it's nothing personal.
He just hurts before he shows up, he hurts while he's having his arm manipulated by the little fella.....and he hurts when he leaves the joint.
And he gets to see the fella three times a week!
I almost feel bad for the little fella.
I do feel bad for himself.
C'mon....being stuck with ME as your only company some days....he's deserving of sympathy!


But---please excuse me for being a bit self indulgent here....

Himself's not whining and carrying on about pain, the world hasn't come to an end cuz he's got an owie......
He's not liking that he can't tie his own shoes.
He's not liking that I get to cut up his food for him.
He's not liking that he can't help with everyday things that he's accustomed to helping with.
He's not liking that I haffta help him dress.
He's not liking that he can't maneuver a spoon with his left hand with much grace.
He's not liking that he can't cook, do laundry OR drive a vehicle.
He especially isn't liking the inability to effectively lasso his own underwears over his feet with his working left hand.
LOL
He'll get over it.

But LORD have MERCY!!!!!!

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to do that."
"I'm sorry. I know it's difficult for you."
"I'm sorry. You don't need to bother with that, really."
"I'm sorry. No, really.....this is wonderful....." (his response to the lumpy smashed taters...LOL)
"I'm sorry. I do wish I could at least help......"

Couldn't he just WHINE and complain about all this?!
Does he haffta be SORRY?

We NEED to speed up this 'He'll get over it.' deal, please.




Oh wait.
Coffee?
Yep, I'll be glad to make some!

(NO, DON'T DO IT!!!!)

Too late.....

"I'm sorry. I can't quite pour it in yet, but I could at least fill the kettle."




Rawr.

Fancy offices......

The boss came to the worksite yesterday.
He hasn't bothered to do that for a whole lotta time.

And he wouldn't use 'my' office.
THE office--yaknow, the one that I've probably used a half a dozen times since folks put effort into painting and decorating and makin' it all pretty.
He told me "It's YOUR office--with a fancy nameplate on the door".
Uh huh......and I've used it all of a half dozen times. The therapists love it, though. And the families are quite comfy in it!
And several have remarked, as they've shook my hand "Nice to meet the person whose name is on the door."
*rolling eyes*

I remember when I used to be the person introducing folks TO the 'name on the door'.
Personally, I liked that better.

And all the kiddos happily greet me when I show up at the worksite.
What's up with that?!

Oh, there's an odd kiddo or two who suddenly 'disappears' when I show up. But most of 'em meet and greet....and seem 'happy' to see me.
I have 'em all trained. LOL This morning will be fairly quiet and there'll be no barrage of questions/attempts to get 'the big dog in charge' to say 'okay' to something I really have no business saying 'okay' to. (manipulative little poops...LOL) They'll give me wide berth and a couple will offer me coffee in hopes of sparing the rest of them the 'not quite caffinated attitude' that I threaten 'em with on Friday mornings. Of course it has NOTHING to do with the paperwork that buries me on Friday...it's all about the coffee, or lackthereof.

The boss is rather pleased with me for some odd reason.
It's not really an 'odd' reason.....we're not a 'hot spot' for him, we manage ourselves fairly well and financially, the program is in the black.
"You're in the best financial position of any of the programs."

Oh yippee.
Right.
I know that's important.
In order to BE here we have to BE financially sound, able to sustain ourselves and responsible to the families and kiddos we serve--responsible to the staff who work with them.
Great.
That's all well and good.

Now, let's talk about Kylie--she's gonna graduate highschool at age 16 and get a dipolma when no one thought she would ever finish school.....AND she's gettin' it early! AND she's earning four college credits to boot!

And what about the mom who's stayed straight for two years and is gonna get a chance to be a mom to her kiddos again....who shows up for every therapy session, every choir concert, every parent/teacher conference....who made cookies for the team of staff who work with her and her kiddo.

And let's talk about the group of 12 kiddos who worked for the local college doing some cleaning and clearing out of grungy places to earn money which they promptly pooled to buy 'stuff' for a local family that lost a parent and a child last month.

And what about the kiddo people said wouldn't make it in the program cuz of her violent temper who's not only 'making it' but will be going to public school in just a few short days. And what about the staff member who came in on their day off to take that kiddo shopping for school clothes and school supplies so she'd be AS ready to go as we could possibly help her be.....the one who also took her to school, introduced her around to all the teachers AND set her up with a couple peer helpers so she wouldn't be entering school without a familiar face.

Let's talk that.

So we talked that.
And I told him what was true:


That's stuff that doesn't get done from some pretty office with a fancy name plate on the door.


Suzie will bring me coffee this morning.
She's all of 15.
And she won't 'suggest' I go to the office.
She MIGHT suggest other people don't talk to me until I've consumed at least the pot of coffee she's made. LOL

One thought...

Try not to become a man of success. Rather become a man of value.--

Albert Einstein

The fairies say 'push on'....

Near the Top

I know you're tired.

I know you feel overwhelmed.

You may feel as though this crisis, this problem, this hard time will last forever.

It won't.

You are almost through.

You don't just think it has been hard; it has been hard.

You have been tested, tried, and retested on what you have learned.

Your beliefs and your faith have been tried in fire.

You have believed, then doubted, then worked at believing some more.

You have had to have faith even when you could not see or imagine what you were asked to believe.

Others around you may have tried to convince you not to believe in what you were hoping you could believe.

You have had opposition.

You have not gotten to this place with total support and joy.

You have had to work hard, in spite of what was happening around you.

Sometimes, what motivated you was anger; sometimes fear.

Things went wrong - more problems occurred than you anticipated.

There were obstacles, frustrations, and annoyances en route.

You did not plan on this being the way it would evolve.

Much of this has been a surprise; some of it has not been at all what you desired.

Yet, it has been good.

Part of you, the deepest part that knows truth, has sensed this all along, even when your head told you that things were out of whack and crazy; that there was no plan or purpose, that you had been forsaken and forgotten.

So much has happened, and each incident - the most painful, the most troubling, and the most surprising - has a connection.

You are beginning to see and sense that.

You never dreamt things would happen this way, did you?

But they did.
Now you are learning the secret - they were meant to happen this way, and this way is good, better than what you expected.

You didn't believe it would take this long, either - did you?

But it did.

You have learned patience.

You never thought you could have it, but now you know you do.

You have been led.

Many were the moments when you thought you were forgotten, when you were convinced you had been abandoned.

Now you know you have been guided.

Now things are coming into place.

You are almost at the end of this phase, this difficult portion of the journey.

The lesson is almost complete.

You know - the lesson you fought, resisted, and insisted you could not learn.

Yes, that one.

You have almost mastered it.

You have been changed from the inside out.

You have been moved to a different level, a higher level, a better level.

You have been climbing a mountain.

It has not been easy, but mountain climbing is never easy.

Now, you are near the top.

A moment longer, and the victory shall be yours.

Steady your shoulders.

Breathe deeply.

Move forward in confidence and peace.

The time is coming to relish and enjoy all, which you have fought for.

That time is drawing near, finally.

I know you have thought before that the time was drawing near, only to learn that it wasn't.

But now, the reward is coming.

You know that too.

You can feel it.

Your struggle has not been in vain.

For every struggle on this journey, there is a climax, a resolution.

Peace, joy, abundant blessings, and reward are yours here on earth.

Enjoy.

There will be more mountains, but now you know how to climb them.

And you have learned the secret of what is at the top.

Today, I will accept where I am and continue pushing forward.

If I am in the midst of a learning experience, I will allow myself to continue on with the faith that the day of mastery and reward will come.

Help me understand that despite my best efforts to live in peaceful serenity, there are times of mountain climbing.

Igotta

JUST for the record, I gotta hippopotamus for Christmas......a couple years ago.
This year, Iwanna (the hippopotamus) was secretely longing for companionship. I mighta mentioned it one or two times IN PASSING for Iwanna.

Iwanna didn't getta.

But *I* got really cool prezzies--including a mama pengin with a baby penguin that swims around in the bathtub
AND SNOOPY colouring books
AND stickers
AND 'sudsy mudsy'--(g'head and figure THAT one out)!
AND I got a spittin' effalump for the bathtub
AND polkadot sidewalk chalk
AND a really, really cool bucket of moon sand to build castles and cows and STUFF with......
AND a vibrating cow! (yeah, well, maybe I'll 'xplain that one another time..LOL)


Okay.......let's not forget the new camera.
Or the beautiful sweaters.
Or the coat.
Or......the REALLY nifty bubbles that you can blow AND hold on to and stack on your fingers! AND the anniversary DVD of Peter Pan!

Gee.


You'd think the whole world knows I like toys, huh?

We need to invest in a toy chest.
And I need to quit covetting himself's tinkertoy pen.


*hanging head*

It's that darn 'if some is good, MORE is better' sickness' I tell ya!

Oh yeah...

Note to self:

Check chimney!

TOOB

See above photo?
There's a trillion of those round, chocolatey THINGIES in the fridge.
Why?
Ummmmm.....
*scratching head*
Cuz the girl IS "her mother's child" and concluded 'if some is good, MORE is better'.
No foolin'.....

So the girl and the other, other boy came for the holiday.
This is the second holiday the other, other boy has come.
This....is a first for the girl.

The other, other boy was here last year.
Come to think of it, he's the first fella she's lugged home for the holiday.....
Oh, there's been plenty of other 'friends' who've been brought along--she's always been the 'wounded bird' type and has drug home lots of kiddos for holidays so they wouldn't have to do the holiday alone. That's always been a risky proposition, given I am exactly as I am. LOL She's an adventurer--or insane. Bit of both, I'd say....

I must think she's serious about this fella.
I actually gave a couple of joint gifts this year.
As in 'shared' gifts.
As in "to the girl and TOOB".
She didn't haffta ask what 'TOOB' was....LOL....she's smart like that.
But himself looked at me suspiciously. And he reminded me that the other, other boy DOES have a name.

Yeah.....so?


*sigh*
There's LOADS of round chocolatey thingies in the fridge.
And the other, other boy spent his second holiday with us.
I think she's serious.....about the chocolate round thingies AND the other, other boy.....

I don't LIKE chocolate.
.......but I do kinda like the other, other boy....
Sorta.
A bit.
A WEE bit.

Note to self......

When it's colder than a witches.......ummmmm...when it's colder than cold.... (And I mean COLD.)
And you're off work with an invalid for almost a whole week..... (oh please...don't let there be another case under those circumstances...)
And you're tootlin' around in his Jeep cuz it's easier to get the invalid in and out of.....
And there's a good foot and a half of snow and you need four wheel drive.


START YOUR CAR ANYWAY!
*sigh*

TFTD

Growth

Just as when we were children and grew out of favorite toys and clothes, we sometimes grow out of things as adults - people, jobs, and homes.

This can be confusing.

We may wonder why someone or something that was so special and important to us last year doesn't fit the same way in our life today.

We may wonder why our feelings have changed.

When we were children, we may have tried to fit an outgrown article of clothing on to our body.

Now, as adults, we may go through a time of trying to force fit attitudes that we have outgrown.

We may need to do this to give ourselves time to realize the truth.

What worked last year, what was so important and special to us in times past, doesn't work anymore because we've changed.

We've grown.

We can accept this as a valid and important part of life.

We can let ourselves go through experimentation and grief as we struggle to make something fit, trying to figure out if indeed it no longer fits, and why.

We can explore our feelings and thoughts around what has happened.

Then, we can put last year's toys away and make room for the new.

From us and ours to you and yours......

Have yourself a merry little christmas

Let your heart be light

Next year all our troubles will be

Out of sight

Have yourself a merry little christmas

Make the yule-tide gay

Next year all our troubles will be

Miles away

Once again as in olden days

Happy golden days of yore

Faithful friends who are dear to us

Will be near to us once more

Someday soon, we all will be together

If the fates allow

Until then, well have to muddle through somehow

So have yourself a merry little christmas now.

*happy sigh*

*frowning*

You're a mean one, Mr. Grinch.

You really are a heel.

You're as cuddly as a cactus,

You're as charming as an eel.

Mr. Grinch.....

:-/

(There's a price to pay for DISallowing the opening of prezzies at 6am on the Holiday Eve.)

Hmmmmmmmmmpf!

Whaddaya MEAN we haffta wait?!

GrinchGrinchGrinchGrinchGRINCH!

(Oh, it's going to be a lovely day....LOL Let the terrorizing BEGIN!!!)

Sunset Tag.......

Tagged!---> Show me your sunsets! Or your sunrise, whichever the case may be. It has to be a photo you took. Include a brief description of where it was, and how it made you feel watching that sunset/sunrise. Anyone reading this tag may also join. I am hoping that most of you will have something to share. If not, take out that camera and take photos. At least you will be forced to enjoy the fleeting view, even if only for a few moments.

Thanks for the memories..... This summer's adventure--our first evening in California with my much loved and greatly missed sister in Manhatten Beach.
She'd never actually had the chance to meet himself. Oh, they'd talked plenty--but circumstances had kept us from being in shared space over and over and over again.

Ya know.....It was like they'd known each other all their lives.
"Anyone who loves you as madly as I do--it's a done deal."

Madly and passionately............ :-)

Done deal!

Feast/Famine......

So......I went to feed the cats.....
Yep. I'm house sitting and feeding critters.

I drove the Jeep in four wheel drive, made my way through the drifts, whipped out the shovel and dug my way into the drive, down the sidewalk, up the stairs and into the house.

And surprise, surprise, the cats weren't hungry....
It mighta had something to do with the hole they chewed in the catfood bag. OR perhaps it was the conspiracy to then shove the bag to the floor where all three (YES, THREE) could dine at will.
Yeah, well.......they weren't hungry.
I suppose they were concerned that I might not get into the house and figured they had to fend for themselves?

And apparently they were afraid they'd be bored while their human was gone--cuz the garland from the tree was somehow half way into the livingroom.
And a few ornaments were scattered on the floor.
And pillows were knocked from the couch....

I asked 'em if they were lonely.
I took that "not especially" look.
And a "we were too busy feasting to be lonely" look.
AND a "whaddaYOU doing here look".

How often does one need to feed three cats?
And shouldn't a day of feasting equal at least three days of fasting?

*snickering*
Have I ever mentioned that I don't particularly like cats?
:-D

Oh--the weather outside is frightful...

But the fire is so delightful

And since we've no place to go

Let it snow, let it snow.......

.....Let it snow!

It doesn't show signs of stopping

And I've bought some corn for popping

The lights are turned way down low

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight

How I'll hate going out in the storm!

But if you'll really hold me tight

All the way home I'll be warm.

The fire is slowly dying

And, my dear, we're still good-bying

But as long as you love me so

Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

We're a bit snowed on.....

Okay.....

I can deal with two foot drifts......three even! That's nature doing it's thing.

But can someone tell me why I gotta unbury both driveways (yes, we have TWO) from the three feet of snow that the snow plows decided they needed to shove in my path?!

*grumbling*
Darn good thing I have smiley face muttons to put on my little handies.

*grumbling*
(c'mon muttons.....do your magic! LOL)

Q(s) for the Year.....

"Confess your hidden faults.
Approach what you find repulsive.
Help those you think you cannot help.
Anything you are attached to, let it go.
Go to the places that scare you."

Every year I take stock of the good, the bad and the ugly that I allow into my life. I take a thorough inventory of my fears, resentments--and I do a sex inventory.
It's that time of year.

This year I'll be shopping for a wisepersoninmylife (yep, still searching) to share it with.
Or, I'll make arrangements with wisepersoninmylife #1 to share the inventory with-- which is more likely. I'm sure weather will cooperate for the gala event.
Of course it will!
Blow, snow and be crappy for every OTHER thing in my life......but perfect travel to hear Mel's inventory. LOL

I shared that it was 'that time of year again' at the meeting I went to.....and I got asked why I still feel a need to bother. And the word was 'bother'.

"Why do you bother, Mel?"

I was a bit taken back that the question was even put to me like that.
'Why bother?'

C'mon......it's not like I haven't 'experimented' with doing it differently.
The end result was enough to convince myself that it's better to 'bother' than to become so cock-sure (or complacent) that I miss the mark and create more messes/more 'ick' to wade through at another time.

Cuz sooner or later I'm gonna get to wade through the muck and the mire--elsewise I'll get 'stuck, like a duck in the muck.....oh fudgebuckets'. ;-)
The simple answer woulda been "I can lie to myself and everyone around me just like the best of the rest of ya can."
Cuz I can (and will) lie to myself.


Oh, I try NOT to--but alas and alack.......I like being 'together' and 'well rounded' and 'on track' and 'focused'.......CURED even! (okay...maybe not 'cured'...LOL)
The truth is, I don't particularly LIKE 'letting things look as they are'.
(gosh.........small wonder that continues to be the #1 assignment, huh?!)
Who likes looking needy or scared or incompetent?

*sigh*

Given that I'd even put that statement OUT there--THAT'S why I do the inventory year after year after year after year.......after year after year after year.....after year (etc, etc.....et al......)

SO......
That being said--One handy, dandy neato-keeno notebook with fresh paper.......ready!
I love a new notebook, all ready for the writing!

AND I have two, brand spankin' new, wayyyyyyy cool, spongey grippy mechanical pencils....WITH lead refills!

:-)

How cool is THAT?!

Icy hot patches--here I come!

Good grief......someone remind me exactly WHY I volunteered to wrap 150 some prezzies on top of caring for a surgery victim? What WAS I thinking?!
Yeah, well....they're a done deal.
All wrapped and ready to go to the unit.
I was thinking I'd haul 'em up to work on Monday--however, given the state of the weather tonight, I could be hauling them into work tomorrow.
Bit blizzardy out there.
Poor Mr. Snowman was bowing his head from the snow on his hat.
And Penfold's feet became lost. (no worries, I uncovered 'em!)
The lighted prezzies in the backyard are officially buried.

*sigh*
I'm thinkin' my poor back is gonna be complaining through the holidays.....clearing off iced over driveways was one thing. (that was part of my project today.....while it was raining........BEFORE the snow hit and buried us once again)
Add to it the 80 some prezzies wrapped AND rearranging the livingroom cuz it's NOT acceptable to have the lazy-boy plunked smack dab in the middle of the room--I'm not wondering why it is my back is achey tonight.
Oh, and let's not forget to add the required three meal cooking/dishes.
AND the other 'necessary' things one gets to help the surgery victim with.
AND....

......tomorrow--I'll be moving snow.
*shaking head and chuckling*
No rest for the wicked, they say.
Or is that 'no rest for the weary'?

Matters not.....show me those 'icy hot' patches!

Gosh. And we only have six weeks of this to go!
(Pretend I sounded enthusiastic about that one.....)
YIPPEE!

*rolling eyes*

Permission from the fairies to nap! Woohooo!!!

When action grows unprofitable, gather information; when information grows unprofitable, sleep.--Ursula K. LeGuin

Sometimes we need to turn away from what's troubling us.
Turn it over, let go.
Hanging onto a situation for which no solution is immediately apparent, only exaggerates the situation.

It is often said the solution to any problem lies within it.
However, turning the problem over and over in our minds keeps our attention on the outer appearance, not the inner solution.
Rest, meditation, quiet attention to other matters, other persons, opens the way for the solution to be revealed.

Every problem can be resolved.
And no answer is ever withheld for long.
We need to be open to it, though.
We need to step away from our ego, get outside of the problem and then listen fully to the words of friends and to the words that rise from our own hearts.
Too much thinking, incessant analyzing, will keep any problem a problem.

I will rest from my thoughts.
I will give my attention wholly to the present.
Therein will come the solution, when least expected.


*doing happy dance*
NAPTIME!!!!!!!!

Tired, achey and......tired and achey!

k......I mighta overdid.

And I mighta not read the instructions for after surgery very well.
I DID read them.......I just........missed one.
Ya know the one that says 'thou shalt not shower until 48-72 hours after surgery'.
*sigh*
He felt ucky.
And he didn't stick the bandaged arm under the water!
(that was my rationalization to the nurse who called to check up on him--that and our instructions didn't SAY anything about showering....oops....yep, there it is on the instruction sheet......*sigh*)
It took us near 20 minutes to get him dressed.
(I'm sure we'll get better at it!)

***k.......three meals cooked with NO fire. (wooooohoooooooo ME!)
***Groceries gotten. (oh what a joy THAT was......social hour happened and I ran into three fellas at the store who had to chatter away with me....all folks I know from meetings. HEY..maybe that means I can skip tomorrow's meeting!.......dream on..LOL)
***Laundry done. (four loads--where does that stuff come from!)
***83 prezzies wrapped. *sigh* HALF of the bags that were littering the livingroom are now tucked away in the basement, wrapped. Of course that means that half remain.....
***Dishes done three times. *rolling eyes*
***Beds made (yep, plural....himself tried the guestroom bed to no avail)
***And I waited on the 'in pain' Brit as many times as he needed--and some he didn't need, of course. *shrugs* So I'm a pest!
***Budgety stuff the boss was wanting today--done! (though I did get his permission via email to be 'late' on it.......this I opened after I did the budgety stuff! He's gonna think I'm.....responsible or somethin'!)
***Talked on the phone multiple times.......MULTIPLE times. *grumbling* I don't LIKE phones. However, folks wanted to check up on him and I--so it was 'necessary'. *shudder* I soooooooo dislike phones!

***AND.....I have a menu for the next five days.
Yeah, yeah...this is the only way I KNOW how to be effective with grocery shopping. And I'm so outta the loop on cooking--a menu and list were required. Scary stuff........LOL

I'm thinking I'll sleep really, really good tonight.
k....I'm thinking I might get some sleep tonight IF himself isn't up pacing and making pained noises........
*crossing fingers*

Today's thought.....

Someone once defined the ego as "the sum total of false ideas about myself."

Persistent reworking of higher principles help me to gradually strip away my false ideas about myself.

This permits nearly imperceptible but steady growth in my understanding of the truth about myself.

And this, in turn, leads to a growing understanding of God and other human beings.

Do I strive for self-honesty, promptly admitting when I'm wrong?

Today I Pray: God, teach me understanding; teach me to know truth when I meet it; teach me the importance of self-honesty, so that I may be able to say, sincerely, "I was wrong," along with, "I am sorry."

Teach me that there is such a thing as a "healthy ego".

May I slowly, on my tightrope, move toward the ideal of balance, so I can do away with the nets of falsehood and compulsion.

Today I Will Remember: To keep my balance.

All's Well....

Ya know, we were doing really, really good.

I mean, c'mon......they shaved his armpit.

I thought that was appropriate, given that I get to shave mine ALL THE TIME!
(wait til it starts growing back......*snickering*)

Forget that they started putting the IV in the right arm--they changed it....I suggested that might be a bad arm to put it into, given it's the one they were doing surgery on. (bless the surgeon who came in later and put her initials on his right shoulder (tattooing woulda been funner, but I think it's permanent marker so it'll be around for a while........)

We were doing really, really good!
He did tell me they were going to think we were both 'mad' from the laughing we were both doing.

152/97---blood pressure just a TAD high--I'm thinkin' he was a tad anxious.....

And then he got weepy cuz I was getting kicked out so they could do some nerve block thing on his shoulder and take him off for surgery.

I tried to kiss that one away and just got met with more tears.....which made me teary.....

And he reminded me how, when they carted me off for back surgery, he was weepy, wondering if that was going to be the last moment with me......the last time we'd get to be together.
Wondering again, with places being traded this time and him being taken off to surgery--would this be our last moments together--our last chance to physically be in shared space on the planet........and he had to tell me how very much he loved me....without words, without glitz and glamour, without laughs......deep, abiding, whole hearted love......

And his words--"I know how much you love me."

Yesterday was our last day together.

Today will be our last day together.
And, G-d willing, tomorrow will be our last day together.

Don't let me go through the day without letting me treat it that way.

No matter how freaking cranky or needy or whiney he gets walking around in that black slingythingamabob.....
No matter how tired or busy or scattered the circumstances of today become--don't let me treat today any less precious than it is.

Yep......he was up all night with me following him, rearranging slings, putting blankies over him and trying to help him find a comfy spot (thank goodness for lazy-boy recliners.......even if the controls are on the right side and I gotta work 'em for him..). A couple of painkillers at 5a.m.--he's resting and I'm doing coffee and raring for the day!
She's a good surgeon.
The damage wasn't as bad as she was concerned it would be.
I even got to see

He does look cute in those snap down shirts we picked up for the occasion.
And we will figure out how to get him a bit more self sufficient.......eventually....LOL
For today, we're just gonna celebrate that we get to put socks on his widdle feeties........even if it IS over those surgical hose that he's gotta wear for four weeks! LOL

(shoulda got him a garter to put over the hose....LOL.......STILL MIGHT!!)

**My sincere thanks for the prayers and positive thoughts for himself and I.....please don't let the good results of surgery stop those from being said. ;-) We need all the help from the Big Guy that we can get!

Okay....who planted that reading in the reading book?!

Some days my life feels so confusing and overwhelming that I think I'll scream.

Sometimes life is like moving from one place to another.
When I move into a new house, it is unorganized and chaotic until everything gets put in the right place. In life, my emotions and thoughts are often like the new house full of boxes.

I am learning how to unpack one emotional "box" at a time, throw out what I no longer need, and put what I do need in its proper place.
It's a hard job, but it's all part of the process of taking back my life.

When my emotional work gets too hectic, I will remember to keep things simple, to deal with one "box" at a time.
Eventually, I'll get through the craziness, and everything will be in its rightful place.

Whining on Wednesday-----

Yeah, yeah......it's Wednesday and I get three turns at whining about something before I haffta LET GO and move on.
LET THE WHINING BEGIN!!!!

• I cannot find the livingroom. I don't think it exists any more. I'm sure it's somewhere under those BAGS of wrapped prezzies that I get to unwrap, check out to make sure they're appropriate for the recipients and re-wrap before X-mas hits. It's only 24 bags of prezzies.....AUGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
• And himself is having surgery tomorrow. Granted, it's considered outpatient--and they're expecting to use that scope thingamabob.......unless they have to separate some muscle group to get to where they need to be, in which case they'll have to (insert the particulars which they shared with him Monday......which continue to run around in his head, adding to the anxiety he already had). Oy......AUUUUGHHHH!!!
• Wait.....that's 24 bags of prezzies to unwrap and re-wrap without any help from himself who'll have only one working arm......AUGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
• Hows come the boss thought he needed to have a plan for the remainder of the fiscal year's budget and how we're gonna meet it.....before the holiday?
• Wait.....that's 24 bags of prezzies to unwrap and re-wrap AND a budget plan to do WHILE I'm tending to himself with one workable arm. OMG!!!!!!
• And the kiddos party is today--as well as clinical meetings....and I have an Educational Plan staffing to attend........today.........inbetween the clinicals and the kid's party..
• Wait........that means there'll be NO TIME to do the budget plan that the boss wants done BEFORE the holidays...... AND himself has surgery tomorrow--which means it's gotta be done TODAY.....SOMEHOW.......AND there's 24 bags of prezzies to unwrap and re-wrap without any help from the one working arm wonder......OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!
• Ummmmmm......

I think I've warped from whining to panicking.

Don't panic.
Do NOT panic.

Gosh.
I think I'm panicking......

• Wait........the budget plan, the prezzies that need unwrapped and re-wrapped, the surgery AND I haffta get groceries....AND fix dinner for the holiday.....AND......

OMGOMGOMG!!!!!!!

Another Reading Fairy Exercise......

"In the midst of our holiday “madness,” we often forget that
what most people want, more than anything else, is to be
truly appreciated by us. The best gift we can give to the
people in our lives is the gift of our true appreciation and
love."

-- Mike Robbins, author

Questions to Ponder

What gifts am I giving this season?

Who do I appreciate?

Do they know?

Action Steps

Add appreciation to your gift giving list.

Find at least one way to show appreciation to everyone you
give gifts to during this season.

*sigh*

C'mon!

Go easy on me.

I'm still working on that procrastination and 'to do list'!

(I'd consider tossing the book but the one that was in the hallway JUST got put back on the shelf where it belongs......)

*sigh*

TFTD

Learn from the man who drives thirty miles to and from work on the freeway every day.
"How can you do it? I've tried, and I can't go a mile in that traffic without screaming at the crazy drivers who cut in, go too slow, change lanes. Nobody drives courtesly. I'd lose my mind if I had to do it."

"Your trouble is trying to drive every car around you. I relax and drive only one car - my own."

Done... and Well Done!

No, really.
Done.
Not adding sick'em to it. :-)

And this....WELL done, kiddos!
It's now gracing the office--a team project from a group of 12 kiddos who learned a thing or two about tolerance and acceptance.....and kindliness.

You'd have to know Suzi. She's the one who aggrivates the more sophisticated kiddos. She's a bit developmentally behind, the prodigy of FAS (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome). Some of the kiddos in her group can be a bit--intolerant at times.

The kiddos wanted to enter a gingerbread house in a local competition. It qualified the entries by age, of course. It was suppose to be entered by Sunday.....

Apparently there was a bit of a......disagreement.....about just who ought to be involved in helping construct the gingerbread house. Afterall, if they wanted to 'win', they'd need to be 'choosey' about who did the actual construction.
Apparently some didn't think Suzi oughta be allowed to even be a part of it. So after a whole lot of 'discussion' the group gave Suzi the job of mixing the icing.....and ONLY mixing the icing.

Two of the kiddos STILL objected and were overruled by the rest.

The two objectors promptly ate one of the gingerbread men.
LOL

Suzi, bless her heart, attempted to stop the rift by assuring the two gingerbread eating objectors that she really was 'okay' with simply mixing the icing.
A third kiddo decided the rest of the group was acting 'stupid and immature' and the ONLY one being mature about the situation----was Suzi.

How ya liking Suzi's gingerbread house?
She had a lot of help from three of her friends.......and eventually a bit more help from the other eight.

I hear tell there woulda been more gumdrop bushes around the house--'cept Suzi ate 'em....and the group let her.

Listen UP, Missy Mel!

1. Stop 'rawwwrrr-ing' and get over it. Life is NOT going to run how you think it oughta....and probably darn well ought NOT to run how you think it oughta. Experience would validate that one, silly! Duh!
2. If you only did what you felt like doing and what you wanted/liked doing at the worksite you'da never learned exciting things like--ummmm (hold on, I can come up with somethin'.....).....how to run an Excel Worksheet? *rolling eyes*
3. You CAN buy too many prezzies. *looking at the overflow into the livingroom* STOP IT!
4. Himself SAID you could have any one or all FOUR of those cool shortbread cookie shapes from Scotland......taking one and pouting is self created misery. GO TO THE KITCHEN and snag a star cookie. The tree......was excellent! Or......snag another tree?
5. You're officially up to five (FIVE) hours on that card you made for Doc. SO WHAT if someone ran copies of funny sayings about retirement and thought they'd be cute in the card. DON'T DO IT! Try making the evening about RELAXING. I know you remember how. You DO remember, don't you?
6. Oh......and remember--You don't like hot chocolate.....MAYBE you'll drink it one/twice a season. Just cuz the box had a cute little whisk in it doesn't mean you need all four varieties of hot cocoa, two cups and cute shaped marshmallows! Try a kitchen gadget shop and spare yourself something you won't bother to drink. (it was such a cute little whisky thingie......) And check the grocery store--they probably have cute marshmallows......which you'll never eat.....
7. Try remembering that 'yes thank you, I think I'd like to do that' really can be used outside of the worksite. The NEXT time himself asks if you wanna go with him TO the grocery store try USING IT. a) They might have those cute marshmallows you'll never eat AND b) You'll spare yourself that wounded look. Wounded over not having company IN the grocery store........oy and he hasn't even HAD the surgery yet!
8. There's a place to put your coat. Tossing it on the couch and loudly announcing you're NOT hanging it up and no one can make you doesn't mean that someone else won't stop everything they're doing to hang the darn coat up. Hang it up! YES.....he's personalizing EVERY freaking thing. Just........hang up the coat.... AND, while you're at it...
9. NOTICE the cute little coloured candies he's bought and put in the candy dish. (Make that plural...k...try that again.....) Notice the cute little coloured candies he's bought and place in the candy DISHES. SO WHAT if you don't eat candy--NOTICE IT ANYWAY.
10. And save yourself lists.......simply remember the world does NOT revolve around Mel and what Mel WANTS.......dangitallanyway! LOL

Done!

Okay......not REALLY done.
Mostly done?
SORTA done?
*sigh*
Three hours of construction time--shouldn't it BE done?
Yeah, yeah......holes on the side and ribbon to hold it all together.
I'm CLOSE dangit!

...k......the NEXT time someone says "would you mind putting a card together for _____ for their retirement" SAY NO!

I wouldn't say no.
I'm betting people were countin' on that...the little buggers.....

If it makes it to the garbage can, so be it.
But he'll know there was a whole lotta love put into this one, dangit.
Cuz I'll make SURE he knows! LOL

I'm gonna miss Doc.
They don't make 'em like that anymore....

TFTD

The purpose of man's life is not happiness but worthiness. Happiness is the byproduct.

When we pursue happiness as a goal for its own sake, we usually reach the opposite point of emptiness.
Feeling happy is a by-product of other life experiences.
Happiness comes and goes.
We welcome it but cannot capture and hold it, nor can we create a recipe for achieving happiness.

We will lead far more successful lives pursuing other values which we do have control over, such as honesty, respect for others and ourselves, seeking loving relationships, and making a contribution to the well being of others.
We can accept unhappiness and difficulties without struggle when we know we are doing something that has greater meaning.
We can have an inner sense of joy knowing we are leading meaningful lives, even when we aren't having a particularly happy day.

I will seek the goals that make my life worthwhile and welcome happiness when it comes.

The Get Honest and Get Busy Reading Fairy.......

"Action is a great restorer and builder of confidence.
Inaction is not only the result, but the cause, of fear.
Perhaps the action you take will be successful; perhaps
different action or adjustments will have to follow. But
any action is better than no action at all."
-- Norman Vincent Peale

Questions to Ponder

What actions have bolstered my confidence lately?

What actions am I avoiding or delaying?

Action Step

Take action today.

Cross off one more item on your to-do list.

And do one thing that you have been procrastinating about.


Great.
I guess that means that stack of unwrapped prezzies in the guest room will be getting my attention this morning.

Oh yippee.

*flapping my wings*

( I hesitate posting that photo for fear the duck/geese hunters of the world will start drooling and begin shooting their monitors ......)
*shrug* It's their monitor. LOL

I have a problem. I'm feeling like the odd geese, trying to catch up to the rest of the flock. Though, ya know, I'm not particularly interested in joining the flock.

I've never been much of a 'flock' gal.
It might be more work flying out of formation, but the view is GREAT! Who wants to look at a goosie butt for hours when you could be seeing the whole world ahead of you!?

That's probably a piece of the problem--if I even wanna tag it as a 'problem'......cuz it's only a problem if I say it is.
Perspective--it's another adventure!
*sigh*

Okay......it's a problem cuz my attitude says it's one and I don't seem real willing to alter my perspective on this one?

But yaknow.....maybe it's 'okay' that I'm resistive to becoming just another goose in the flock. Maybe it's not about surrender and staring at a goosie butt and it's about staying the course, away from the flock....flapping my little wingies just as hard as they can flap and enjoying the view while it's there.

*chuckling*

THAT works for me.

Now see how that works?

I've officially given myself permission to do what I wanna do and not what the flock things I 'oughta' do.

Problem solved!

Woooohoooooooooo ME!

So himself's doing year two of Bell Ringing...

AND he's likin' it.
It's a good thing and it really does his heart good.
He tells me if a kiddo drops something in the bucket, he let's 'em ring the bell. LOL
How cute is that?!

And today--I was writing on the weblog when he wandered into the livingroom and stared out the window.
I could tell he was thinking.......and I was scared! LOL

"We've driven in much worse....."

Uh oh....TELL me we're not driving in that gunky snowy stuff to go shopping....

"Remember driving back from the airport?"

Oh, you mean the time I wowed you with my ability to drive in three inches of snow with white-out conditions?

"We really have driven in worse."

You wanna go shop til ya drop--go for it. NO WAY am I going out in that.

"I just got an email from the Salvation Army and 20 people who'd volunteered to help set up Santa's Toy Shop canceled at the last minute....."

*frowning*

"We HAVE driven in worse, you know."

It was only a hour's minute drive....one way.
You could still see the yellow line--on occasion, if you squinted real hard.
And we really have driven in worse.

I'm filthy from moving pallets (those hand operated pallet mover thingies are WAY cool!!), unpacking a bazillion toys and stacking them on tables.

The gal heading it all up was so friendly and genuinely happy to have us. For only being 15 people, we sure worked hard and fast and......happily!
And not one person complained while I happily sang 'Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow'....'cept himself, of course.....LOL

OH!! AND-- he's making me spaghetti with meatballs for dinner.....WITH garlic bread.

It's all good!

Happy Birthday, Bill

Wanna have fun and mess with the world around you?
Do something kindly and try not to get found out.

People look at you strangely...and you don't even care!!

I was honouring a birthday request of a pretty special person:

• One lunch paid for--table of my choice. Seriously, I didn't think the gal at the register was going to take the money. Had that been on my 'pre-thought prezzie' list, I woulda had a card to ask her to hand off to the recipients. (Dangit.....I need to carry those bitty cards in my purse or somethin'.....cuz I'm thinking this was just way too much fun.)


• One bag of unwrapped prezzies for a mom to give her kiddos.....the family the kiddos at work 'adopted'. The hotel clerk thought I was an angel.....I assured him that wasn't the case and gave the glory to birthday boy. Afterall, it was his birthday prezzie. (THAT one had a card....MUST buy some of those bitty ones, though!)


• And one bag of salt--another unplanned prezzie with a sticky note attached. For a saltless gal who's not been able to locate any in town--before she seriously injurs herself slip-sliding around in this icy mess. (yep......definitely gonna buy some of those bitty cards and stick 'em in my purse!)

A part of me woulda liked to have been a mouse in the corner, watching the faces of the recipients. But that woulda made it about me--and none of it was about me.
Not one tiny, itty bitty, teeny weeny bit of it was about me......

The Brit tells me I 'gift' people all the time.
I guess I do.

It seems I'm forever finding something somewhere that makes me think of someone--I snag it and I pass it on to them. It's fun.......

But this........was different.
Delivering three baskets of food to whoever answered the first three doors I knocked on at the elderly housing in town was a kindly thing to do.......and I've no doubt it touched the lives of the three recipients. Handing them over and assuring them the baskets were a gift from the birthday boy and I was just the messenger-was cool.
But the other three prezzies....wore differently for some reason....

Maybe it's the hope that it's made the other person's day?
Maybe it's the belief that somehow, someway--it'll affect more than the life you gifted?

Maybe it's that 'don't get caught' sneakiness! LOL

Yeah.
That's probably it!

Yep.
MUST buy some of those bitty cards to stick in my purse.

Another visit from the reading fairy--

It's okay to have and feel our feelings - all of them.

Years into making changes in our lives, we may still be battling with ourselves about this issue.
Of all the prohibitions we've lived with, this one is potentially the most damaging and the most long-lived.

Many of us needed to shut down the emotional part of ourselves to survive certain situations.

We shut down the part of us that feels anger, sadness, fear, joy, and love.

Many of us lived in systems with people who refused to tolerate our emotions.

We were shamed or reprimanded for expressing feelings, usually by people who were taught to repress their own.

But times have changed.

It is okay now for us to acknowledge and accept our emotions.

We don't need to allow our emotions to control us; neither do we need to rigidly repress our feelings.

Our emotional center is a valuable part of us.

It's connected to our physical well being, our thinking, and our spirituality.

Our feelings are also connected to that great gift, instinct.

They enable us to give and receive love.

We are neither weak nor deficient for indulging in our feelings.

It means we're becoming healthy and whole.

Umm.......

Yeah...what the fairy said.

Sorta.

*tossing book*

Coffee.

MUST have more coffee.

*humming again*

The lake is frozen over

The trees are white with snow

And all around

Reminders of you

Are everywhere I go

It's late and morning's in no hurry

But sleep won't set me free

I lie awake and try to recall

How your body felt beside me

When silence gets too hard to handle

And the night too long

And this is how I see you

In the snow on Christmas morning

Love and happiness surround you

As you throw your arms up to the sky

I keep this moment by and by

Oh I miss you now, my love

Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas,

Merry Christmas, my love

Sense of joy fills the air

And I daydream and I stare

Up at the tree and I see

Your star up there

And this is how I see you

In the snow on Christmas morning

Love and happiness surround you

As you throw your arms up to the sky

I keep this moment by and by