:-/

There’s a small child with us for the next few nights.  Small child…..notsomuch any more.  The Bug is all of 5 ½ now—and she’ll be the first to tell you so.  She reminds grandad on a regular basis.  He believes in tormenting her on a regular basis.

She’ll bring in the New Year with us.  That just means lots of playing and mess making and lots of excuses not to hurry to clear up—it’ll just get messy again dontchaknow.

I’ve made it tradition for her to be here—wait til she’s thirteen and wants to party down with her little friends.  Hahaha…..we’ll see if ‘tradition’ wins over THAT.

I’m blessed—really I am.

I’ve been able to see what a good, healthy marriage wears like.

I’ve been able to see and be a part of a grandchild’s life.  It ain’t so bad being the Nana……

I’ve been able to put my feet up and really be at peace doing absolutely nothing.

And I’ve been able to come to know myself not as a ‘therapist’, a ‘mom’, a ‘sister’, a ‘co-worker’, a ‘supervisor’, a ‘manager’….list the roles we……*I* let become my identity, that I let define me.

I’ve come to know myself as a child of G-d…..and to really begin to see everyone on the planet as another child of G-d……sisters, brothers on the journey.

I’m glad we all get to take our own paths, learn our own lessons in our own time…..

And above all,  I’m glad I’ve come to know the difference between ME and G-d.

WPIML used to ask me if I knew the difference between G-d and me. 

And when I tried to give him an answer, he summed it up perfectly…….

“G-d doesn’t think He’s you.”

*laughing*

He was such a smartie pants…..

TFTD

Love is all we have, the only way that each can help the other.
– Euripides

We may tend to love our friends and family members only with qualifications. Only if they don’t complain about their problems. Only if they are more successful. Perhaps we don’t say this directly, but we might be communicating these qualifications to our loved ones by holding back or by making indirect suggestions as to how they should live their lives.

We may be able to give our love more fully if we remember how much we need acceptance.

We don’t want to receive love that is prefaced by “only if . . .” Only if we don’t complain. Only if we stop talking about our illness.  Only if we do some task or attend some function… We all need the comfort and support of love based on what we are, not on what others think we can or should be. Our loved ones need the same thing.

TFTD

If you wish to make an apple pie truly from scratch, you must first invent the universe.

—Carl Sagan

Everything is given to us. Our lives came forth with no plan on our part. We have no lease on life and no control, ultimately, over any possession. In the families most of us came from, we learned something else. We learned a lonely arrogance that said, "I should be self sufficient. I have earned everything that ever came to me." Deep down we probably knew how untrue that was, and we felt great self-doubt.

The cure we learn for our lonely arrogance is a miracle and a blessing. We accept that we are part of a larger whole. Now it dawns on us - all of our friends and relatives share this basic powerlessness. We are all pilgrims. We are all guests. We are all stewards of creation. We can be close, and we must help one another because everyone is equally vulnerable.

Captured Memory #38

Daily Fairy Thought

 Patience

Sometimes we get what we want right away. At other times, we wonder if our desires will ever be fulfilled.

We will be fulfilled in the best way possible and as quickly as possible. But some things take time. Sometimes, we have lessons to learn first, lessons that prepare us so we can accept the good we deserve. Things are being worked out in us, and in others. Blocks in us are being removed. A solid foundation is being laid.

Be patient, Relax and trust. Let go. Then, let go some more. Good things are planned for us. We will receive them at the first available moment. We will have all our heart longs for. Relax and trust.

Captured Memory #37

Fairy Thought

We are not standing still. No matter how uneventful our lives may seem, we are traveling toward our destiny, and all the thrills and tears, joys and sorrows, are contributing to the success of our trip. Every day, every step, we are succeeding.

We can reflect on yesterday, better yet, on last week or even last year. What were our problems? It's doubtful we can even remember them. We have put distance between them and us. They were handled in some manner. We have succeeded in getting free of them. We have succeeded in moving beyond them.

How far we have come! And we will keep right on traveling forward.

It's a wrap

Gooshiness

Wanna make The Girl weepy--give her a little ceramic angel that was made by the grandmother she never had a chance to know.
Wanna make a mom weepy--give her a ring that has "Nana" inscribed on it.
Man.....HOW she grew up to be such a loving child and such an awesome parent I'll never know.
Maybe I'll blame the angel giving aunt that's loved her so well for so many years.....the sister who got all the good genes.

Dunno....but I do know the 5 year old is such a well behaved child.....and that ain't just my opinion.
She does, however, steal covers, pitches fits at bedtime and laughs when she foofs.

I guess that means she's normal.  :-/

Fairy Wisdom

Leave When It's Time to Go

It's time to pick up, pack up, and leave.

You knew you wouldn't be in this situation in this place with these people forever. Trust the rhythms and cycles of life. Take responsibility for yourself within each cycle. Take responsibility for yourself as each cycle ends and a new one begins.

You don't have to hold onto messengers after they've delivered the message in your life, or escorts after they've taken you where you were trying to go. You don't have to stay in a classroom after you've learned the lessons and finished that course.

Open your heart. Thank the people, places, and things that have helped create your world, shape you, form your experiences. Then pick up, pack up, and leave. Say good-bye with love and gratitude in your heart.

And go on down the road.

The Snoopy one

I have too much STUFF.  And this is the year we agreed NO STUFF for the holiday.  If something new happens, we toss out the OLD thing it's replacing.  That was the "agreement".  Functional stuff was the goal, and for the most part I think we did okay.  The Sleiff bear and the spirograph don't count.  :-/

Okay, they count, but he-who-tried-hard  did such a good job with the other things.  Getting STUFF from my list was good, but "where's the fun in that" if there wasn't a surprise mixed in....   I can't fuss too much about that.  He done good.

So today's the start of "toss out the old".  Kinda fitting that we agreed "by New Year's it'll be gone".  Out with the old!!
No problem.
I've tossed out my whole shoe collection.  I've tossed out clothes and purses, nick nacks,  kitchen gadgets and stray plates, bowels, and plastic dinnerware.

No problem.

'Cept I know he-who-will-hold-me-to-the-agreement will be going for my Snoopy travel mug.

Not just "A" Snoopy travel mug......but "THE" Snoopy travel mug.  The green one that has Snoopy paddling the canoe.
The one that's got most of the top third of the print scratched off from YEARS of washing it.  (You can still see Snoopy!)
The one that has a big hole and a little hole and comes with a bit of plastic that you turn so you can drink from it.
The kind they don't make any more cuz it's not spill proof or vacuum sealed or from dent resistant metal.
The one that's made from that BAD plastic.....

I've had that sucker THIRTEEN YEARS.  T.H.I.R.T.E.E.N. years.  YEARS.
I know how old it is cuz this is the travel mug I snatched up when he and I visited the Mall of America during one of his last flights over to see me.  It's one I snatched up when I was doing the 'pick up /return' to the international airport.

It's got memories attached to it, dammit!!

K......I'm feeling prepared.

I can try the nostalgic but If that doesn't work......it's plan B.
I can come up with a plan B.
Dumpster dive, maybe?
Oh, I know!!
Hide the cup!!
K....I'll work on plan B....

He came, he went....

TFTD

Learn what you are and be such.
—Pindar

The most precious gift we can give those closest to us is honesty. Yet we often hide our true selves from friends, fearing we won't be accepted or loved if we let them see the real us. Often, we show parts of ourselves that hide who we really are. We have often heard ourselves or others say, "My parents would just die if . . . ," or, "don't argue in front of the children."

If we hide too much behind false images, we run the risk of losing track of what is real and what is false. We become actors instead of real people, trying to please Aunt Jane, our grandparents, our big brother, or our children.

When we conquer our fear of letting others in, we are able to see ourselves honestly. When we discover that others accept us as we are, we can accept and love ourselves more fully.

To know oneself is to know a person of value.

Test drives

When you get a new punch thingy and the floor is littered with all kindsa paper you can expect a delay in the unwrapping process.  Ya gotta try it out.  Very cool...I get three flowers in one!!  Do ya KNOW how many different flowers that is....woohooo!!  I know.  Cuz I assembled 'em.  One by one by one by one by.......  :-D

And ya GOTTA wander about in the new Bearpaw boots....gotta test the things out, don'tcha know.  They're furry and warm and AWESOME on my right foot/leg.  It needs to convince the left one.  Cuz these suckers are staying!!

Oh!!
And a new travel mug.......of course ya need to make the coffee to put in it.
Duh!

I've freed my Sleiff bear from his suitcase and he went for a tour of the house with my new furry boots and my new travel mug....while wearing my new scarf.
And THEN I got a travel Spirograph.
Uh huh....


Mr. Impatient just suffered through the wait.
And not very quietly, I must say.....
.....the whiner....  :-/

Joyful Holiday Blessings.......

From Mr. Moose and those he watches over.

Merry Christmas!

Daily Reminder

The people who are most successful at living and loving are those who can learn to wait successfully. Not many people enjoy waiting or learning patience. Yet, waiting can be a powerful tool that will help us accomplish much good.

We cannot always have what we want when we want it. For different reasons, what we want to do, have, be, or accomplish is not available to us now. But there are things we could not do or have today, no matter what, that we can have in the future. Today, we would make ourselves crazy trying to accomplish what will come naturally and with ease later.

We can trust that all is on schedule. Waiting time is not wasted time. Something is being worked out – in us, in someone else, in the Universe.

We don’t have to put our life on hold while we wait. We can direct our attention elsewhere; we can practice acceptance and gratitude in the interim; we can trust that we do have a life to live while we are waiting – then we go about living it.

Deal with your frustration and impatience, but learn how to wait. The old saying, “You can’t always get what you want” isn’t entirely true. Often, in life, we can get what we want – especially the desires of our heart – if we can learn to wait.

Daily Reading from the Fairies

“You go on ahead,” I yelled.

He looked reluctant.

“Go. Hike at your own pace. I’ll hike at mine.”

I convinced him to leave me behind. Just because we came together didn’t mean that we had to hike, or walk as I preferred to call it, in the same stride. My friend went on ahead of me and disappeared from sight. I hiked, then rested, then hiked, then rested. Once, I stopped, took off my backpack, and took a nap.

My friend and I joined up toward the end of the day. We made the trek down the mountain together, side by side.

Even though we simplify things, most things are harder than we think. It’s important to let each person go at their own pace. Whether it’s working through an issue or tackling a project in your life, find the pace that works for you. Let others do the same.

Don’t compare yourself to those around you. Let yourself be energized by their pace, but respect the rhythm that works for you.

He knows if you've been bad or good

Things that make me happy....

....boxes arriving from his favorite train store that he can't open.  *laughing*  

....pretty prezzies under the tree.

....planning New Year's Eve with a five year old.

....pine cones everywhere I look.

....finding little gifts for the people I work around.

....the $50 bill in an envelope.....I'm waiting for just the right time to hand it over.

....the giant jeweled snowflake ornament from the neighbors.....it is so cool.

TFTD

Everyone has the right to be wrong! That includes whatever occurs this hour–either our mistake, or another's. But we, or they, have the right to make that mistake. This is not cause for anger or guilt, just understanding.

This hour, understanding our right to be wrong will see me through. Please help me understand.

Snowballs in a bucket. *snickering* AKA: Armed and dangerous...

Fairy Message

Today, I see that to change my life I have to change myself.

Nothing less than a spiritual transformation will allow me to experience my current life as an alive, serene and whole person.

When I say that I would like world peace, first I will understand that without inner peace there will be no world peace.

One of the ways in which I can serve the cause of humanity is to be, within myself, a genuinely spiritual person — respecting all sects and creeds, but standing on my own as a conduit of higher truth, recognizing that each person has access to that knowledge.

I will look for truth today within myself rather than outside.

I will not wait for peace to be handed to me as some sort of prize for good behavior but will do the inner work needed to achieve it.

Captured Memory#36

Fairy Thought

Forgiveness is a process that happens over time. It is tempting to stay stuck cycling within anger, generated by pain, or to become numb so that the pain will not be felt, or to go into denial and not admit to myself that I hurt.

When I allow myself to feel a wound, I am taking my first step toward healing. Forgiveness and healing are intermingled.

When I am more healed, I feel as if there is less to forgive. Hiding my wound makes me feel adamant about my need for retribution or apology. I see the other person as responsible for my pain. But whether or not they are responsible, the pain lives within me, and that is where it needs to heal.

Forgiveness is more possible when I am able to engage in my own process of healing.

Today I will have the courage to stop pretending that something doesn’t hurt.

And I will do the inner work necessary to forgive.

Today's Reading

I caused myself a lot of unnecessary grief by trying to be 'unselfish', to think of everybody else first, myself last, and to try to please everybody. But you can't please everybody.

You can knock yourself out doing this and that and the other thing to please your cousins and your sisters and your aunts, and you find out that they are not really affected one way or the other. Please everybody, nobody's pleased; please yourself, at least you're pleased.

Charity begins at home, and enlightened self-interest is a basic endowment of human nature. You can save yourself a lot of grief by admitting the futility of trying to please everybody, or of trying to please somebody who just can't be pleased.

Captured Memory #35

The last present

He sits in the livingroom, drooling over the cuisine on the food channel.
He laments and grieves what's  sauted in wine, or what's made from sea creatures unknown to this part of the world.  He describes his favorite vacations in terms of the food opportunities they presented, Spain is his favorite memory.  Though he quickly corrects himself, it's clear those are treasured memories FILLED with sensory memories....tastes, smells, the colourful world captured on a plate of coastal seafoods accented by glasses of local wines.

And then he drifts back to what used to be his home and holiday meals filled with family.... and more food.  More sensory memories.  Courses of food diligently prepared.   The smell of hams and turkey, sausages wrapped in bacon, puddings and pastries served with at a meal that lasted better than an hour.   And more food...sweet cakes, tarts, Christmas puddings set alight with liquors and brandies as family settled into comfy chairs and chatted and debated and laughed and bantered...

The sensory memories yield to the memory of the absence of love.  The forced smiles.  The feigned happy home that was anything but.  The pain of the ruse.  The lonliness in the lies.

There's a bottle of fine brandy and Benedictine in the car, wrapped in a plastic bag,  caringly wedged tightly into place.
A fine glass brandy snifter is the last of the gifts for under the tree.
There are two Christmas puddings in the cupboard.  Seafood isn't on the menu.  It will take hours to prepare the, now, traditional meal and it will take minutes to eat.
The large family can't be arranged-- there will be two for Christmas dinner.
After dinner will be the movies made "tradition" in the absence of other activities.
It will be a quiet household.
But there will be love.....that deep, abiding, "grow old with me" love.

Today's Reading

There are days when some of us wallow in self-pity. It’s easy to do. We may have expectations about how our lives should be, expectations that aren’t always met. Maybe we’ve tried unsuccessfully to control someone, or we think our circumstances should be different. Perhaps we’ve compared ourselves with others and found ourselves lacking. The more we try to make our life conform to our expectations, the more uncomfortable we feel. Self-pity can arise from living in our expectations instead of in the world as it actually is. When the world doesn’t measure up to our expectations, it’s often our expectations that need adjusting, not the world.

We can start by comparing our lives today with the way they used to be, developing gratitude for our growth. We can extend this exercise in gratitude by counting the good things in our lives, becoming thankful that the world does not conform to our expectations but exceeds them. And if we continue working on ourselves, further cultivating gratitude and acceptance, what we can expect in the future is more growth, more happiness, and more peace of mind

Things that make me happy....

....asking a lost looking stranger if I could help them.

....buying a gift for a gal at the office, and letting it be anonymous.

....yup, paying the grocery tab for a frazzled looking mom two aisles over.

....giving a fella juggling two coffees and four donuts my place in line.

....helping busy staff members wrap presents for the kiddos they work with.  Bittersweet, but it was good.

....making little socks of fun stuff for the people that work in my area.  Shhhh.....secret!!

....finishing stuffing envelopes for the receptionist while she was at lunch.  LOL. It's making her nuts that she doesn't know who to thank.

Fairy Gift List

The best gifts to give:
To your friend – loyalty;
To your enemy – forgiveness;
To your boss – service;
To a child – a good example;
To your parents – gratitude and devotion;
To your mate – love and faithfulness;
To all men and women – love;
To God – your life.
–unknown

Captured Memory #34

"Fun"6

Well, this was a "fun" day.  Riiigghhhtttt....just about as "fun"as last night was.  It consisted of coming home, taking ibuprofen and tossing myself, fully clothed, into my bed with a horrid headache.
Today was about not having my "functions" under control.
So I stayed home instead of risking going in.
I'M better, but now himself is yucky.

That's a good thing.
I was starting to think I'd gotten a dose of gluten somewhere.
Now I know it just the crud.  LOL...himself isn't amused I find it "good"  that he's under the weather.
He's soooo sensitive!  Sheeeesh!!

Daily Reading

"Life has got to be lived—that's all there is to it. At 70, I would say the advantage is that you take life more calmly. You know that, 'This, too, shall pass!'"
—Eleanor Roosevelt

Wisdom comes with age, but also with maturity. It is knowing that all is well in the midst of a storm. And as our faith grows, as we trust more that there is a power greater than ourselves which will see us through, we can relax, secure that a better time awaits us.

We will come to understand the part a difficult circumstance has played in our lives. Hindsight makes so much clear. The broken marriage, the lost job, the loneliness have all contributed to who we are becoming. The joy of the wisdom we are acquiring is that hindsight comes more quickly. We can, on occasion, begin to accept a difficult situation's contribution to our wholeness while caught in the turmoil.

How far we have come! So seldom do we stay caught, really trapped, in the fear of misunderstanding. Life must teach us all we need to know. We can make the way easier by stretching our trust—by knowing fully that the pain of the present will open the way to the serenity of the future.

TFTD

PEACE

"Peace without justice is tyranny."
—William Allen White

Peace at any price! Not for me today. For years I sought a peace that was based upon the "no-talk" principle remaining quiet, rather than causing upset or risking embarrassment. Such a peace was unjust. It only fed the disease and helped to keep me sick.

Today I seek a peace that involves discussing or confronting painful situations, often making me and others uncomfortable. Serenity is a peace that is arrived at after periods of pain but a necessary pain.

In my life today I have the courage to speak out and make choices that are good for me; God is alive in my choice.

May I forever search for the "peace" that is real. May I find "peace" in the justice of my lifestyle.

Tonight's Mantle Tray Project

I made himself help.

*snickering*  I'm mean like that.

:-/

Mantle tray #2

Reading for the Day

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.”
—Dag Hammarskjold

The first time we go through a festive season without our spouse or a dear friend or beloved child, we may wonder if we can get through it. Pity overwhelms us as we think, “Surely no one has felt as bad as I do right now.” Pain increases our loneliness, and we feel crushed by the holiday preparations the rest of the world seems to be making.

We can struggle out of this self-imposed misery by using the strategies that have helped us cope with our chronic illnesses. Patience tells us that this too shall pass. Selflessness shows us others who need compassion more than we do. Spirituality reminds us that our pain and sadness can be entrusted to the loving care of our Higher Power.

I know the holidays can be difficult, and if I take them one day at a time, I will do just fine.

Captured Memory 33

More

I don't get it.
Why do things keep going "pear shaped" with my body?

For the past three days I've been whining about my stupid wrist hurting.
Last night I woke up in pain....not the usual pain that tends to stab and go away until it starts again.....darn Cupid trying to shoot his way out.  The doc smiles at my somewhat humorous descriptions.
But this wasn't Cupid.
This was a new and hadn't been christened yet.

It's a stealer of my wedding bands that have only left my body for surgeries where they're disallowed.
And the large lump on the outside of my wrist is evidence of pain.
Gawd....at least with this one there's evidence.

I'm tired of dealing with pain, period.
I don't get it.
I suspect there's goodness in all of this, and I've already had opportunities to speak with others....but boy, that doesn't undo the tiredness.
And now I have this stupid lump on my wrist.

I don't get it.
Maybe I'm not supposed to get it.
Obviously I'm not supposed to.

But c'mon.....  *sigh*

Heat.
See if wrapping it helps.
See a doctor.

Lovely.
Just freaking l.o.v.e.l.y.

Daily Reminder

We shall not cease from exploration,
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive from where we started
And know the place for the first time.
—T. S. Eliot

We spend much of our lives looking forward to milestones we hope will mark our passage into wisdom – that time and place when once and for all we will know all there is to know.

When I am 13, I'll be grown up, we say. When I am 16, 18, 21, drive a car, graduate, marry, write a book, own a house, find a job, or retire; then I'll be grown up.

When we seek complete transformation, mere insight is disappointing. We find we don't know all there is to know – not at thirteen or 35 or 80. We are still growing up.

The baby, the child, the younger person each of us was yesterday is still with us; we continue to love, hate, hurt, grieve, startle, delight, feel.

There is no magic moment of lasting enlightenment; simply a series of fleeting moments lived one at a time each day. They bring us home to who we've always been.

Captured Memory 32

Reading for Today

Discipline

Children need discipline to feel secure; so do adults.

Discipline means understanding there are logical consequences to our behavior. Discipline means taking responsibility for our behavior and the consequences.

Discipline means learning to wait for what we want.

Discipline means being willing to work for and toward what we want.

Discipline means learning and practicing new behaviors.

Discipline means being where we need to be, when we need to be there, despite our feelings.

Discipline is the day to day performing of tasks, whether these are recovery behaviors or washing the dishes.

Discipline involves trusting that our goals will be reached though we cannot see them.

Discipline can be grueling. We may feel afraid, confused, and uncertain. Later, we will see the purpose. But this clarity of sight usually does not come during the time of discipline. We may not even believe we're moving forward.

But we are.

I broke my leg....

I broke my left leg once before.

Two years ago I broke it in the same spot.  It surprised the orthopedic surgeon.  Femur’s just don’t do that.  But it did.
I broke my leg.
I lost my ‘position’ of 24 years, I got ‘reassigned’ to a new job in a new place,  I’ve developed chronic pain……

I broke my leg—and  my whole life……..changed.

Thirty years ago living in a new town, still trying to stay clean and sober and now in a relationship with a partying man--I’d found a job in the smaller town, working for a grocery store as a manager.  I’d been working as a ‘buyer’ for a large retail store in a ‘big city’.  A ‘Manager’ position at the grocery store was what was available—and let me tell ya “Manager” made it sound nicer than it was, but true to my nature, I had great fun with it.   
It was only meant to be temporary--until I landed a job in the bigger town doing what I adored doing—working in retail, purchasing and displaying the merchandise.

And then I broke my leg.
Coming back from a fishing trip in Canada,  I was fast asleep in the back seat when the little Fiat went under the big yellow school bus.  Thankfully there were no children on the bus when it happened
Compound fracture of the left femur, I was casted from hip to toe and in traction for 8 weeks. 
Healing meant an additional 8 weeks of sleeping on a fold out bed in my step mother’s makeshift bedroom otherwise known as the dining room.

I broke my leg and my whole life…….changed.

I lost my job.
I tried to find another………on crutches……in a ‘hinged at the knee’ cast.

Out of desperation, I begrudgingly applied for a local job, working with “snot-nosed brats who were a pain  in the arse”.  THE last place I wanted to work was at a treatment center for adolescents with emotional and behavioral ‘issues’.  I didn’t like teenagers—and I especially didn’t teenagers of THAT kind.

Son of a gun if they didn’t hire me.  And since that moment-- there’s been no looking back.

I broke my leg and my WHOLE WORLD changed. 

G-d had plans.
There was an audience I didn’t know I was suppose to have.  There were people who needed what I had to offer that I selfishly, BLINDLY didn’t see.  And there was an opportunity to be of service over and over and over again for 34 YEARS……to children, to families…..to bring truth, to bring healing……to bring HOPE……

Two years ago, today--I broke my leg.
The same leg.
In the very same spot.

Who am I to doubt G-d’s great plan.
I was blessed for 34 years to live in it.

I can’t help but wiggle expectantly, waiting as the new plan unfolds….

TFTD

Create a path with heart

“I’ve reached my career and family goals,” a successful woman in her thirties said. “Now, it’s time to start taking care of myself. I’m going to begin by resolving to spend one hour each week doing something I want to do.

One hour? What a small percentage of time to devote to doing what we want. Yet, how easy it is to fall into the trap of denying what we want to do. We may call it God’s will for our lives. We may legitimately be in a situation where our responsibilities, including our commitments to other people, consume much of our time. And sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to do to accomplish the things we want.

The trap is when our entire life begins to shift over to the ‘should be doing” category. This is what I should be doing in my career; this is what I should be doing for my family; this is where I should live; and this is probably how I should spend my spare time. This is what I should be doing in my religion, or spirituality; this is what I should be doing with my money, time, and energy.

Who said?

Take a moment. Examine whose should’s are running your life. Are the things you tell yourself you need to be doing true expressions of your legitimate goals, responsibilities, and commitments? Or have you wandered so far away from yourself that your life is no longer a genuine expression of who you are, and what you want, in your heart?

How many times a week do you spend doing what you want to be doing or doing what you need to be doing to have what you want– whether that’s sobriety, a family, or the career that’s right for you? How many hours each week are spent doing what you think you should be doing, whether you need to or not?

Getting the things we want in life entails responsibility. We need to tend to our liberations– the career we want, the family life we want, and our avocations, as well. Tend to the things we’ve set free. But don’t forget to tend to the liberation of yourself,too. Maybe the things you’re grumbling about doing are part of doing what you want. If that’s the case, stop grumbling and thank God. Maybe you’ve forgotten that the things you’re doing are what you really want to do. But maybe when you assess your daily life, you’ll realize that some of the things you’re doing aren’t necessary, aren’t what you want, and won’t lead to where you want to go. You’re telling yourself you have to, but you don’t.

Start today by spending one hour doing something you want to do. In time, you may want to increase that to two hours a day. Eventually, you may get to that place where your should’s intersect with your wants. That’s when you’ve created and are walking a path with heart.

Frozen art

BIG red trucks

Big noise……..and flying feet.

That's what happens when the fire alarm goes off in a near empty wing where the early birds are.

There's kids in the building, down the hall and to the left…….and right.

"False alarm!!" yells one of the staff members.  Well, that was a good thing to know.  My "I'm in charge" kicks in and, even though I'm not really in charge, I assume responsibility for the safety of the people around me.  Dunno why………maybe it's the 24 years of being responsible for the lives of all the students and staff members in the building……

Do I know where the key is to turn off the alarm?

No.

Do they?

Nope.

But it's quiet, they tell me……so the alarm's turned off.

That's great, but I know alarm systems and they need reset.  Quiet doesn't mean it's not still sounding at the fire department's alert system…….so there's a process and I DON'T KNOW IT.

That's not going to happen again.  I fumbled my way through the instructions that I scrambled to find.  I got the alarm folks called, too late of course.

Yup…….big red trucks and an apology to them in person .  They'd got the call from the alarm folks as they were coming into the drive.  That's good.  At least I know there's follow through with the alarm company.  *sigh*  Big red trucks…….

The good news is it WAS a false alarm.  And I now know where the key is to reset the system.

I'll get a lesson in the process from the folks who work it during the daytime hours.
But holy cow……

I don't like the sick feeling of not knowing—especially critical things like THAT. 

And I couldn't turn to the person who's been in the building for years and years and get answers?  *sigh*

I'll get answers.  And I'll get familiar with the process, where things are placed and how to read the alarm system.

I do NOT like that sick feeling of 'not knowing' critical things like that.  And even if I'm not 'in charge', I'll always assume a position of responsibility cuz that's how I'm made……..  That's not a 'bad thing'….that's just a 'true' thing.

Daily Reflection

Our minds mold who we become. Our thoughts not only contribute to our achievements, they determine the posture of our lives. How very powerful they are. Fortunately, we have the power to think the thoughts we choose, which means our lives will unfold much as we expect.

The seeds we plant in our minds indicate the directions we’ll explore in our development. And we won’t explore areas we’ve never given attention to in our reflective moments. We must dare to dream extravagant, improbable dreams if we intend to find a new direction, and the steps necessary to it.

We will not achieve, we will not master that which goes unplanned in our dream world. We imagine first, and then we conceive the execution of a plan. Our minds prepare us for success. They can also prepare us for failure if we let our thoughts become negative.

Captured Memory 32

Fairy Wisdom

Trust Each Moment

Trust. Trust. Trust. Again and again, that’s the issue. See how much of your pain, your anguish, your tension arises simply from not trusting the absolute perfection of the present moment. I’ve lost my way. I’m off track. I’m somehow wrong—in the wrong place at the wrong time, doing the wrong thing. Where I’m going is a dead end. Oh, dear …

You are not off track. You haven’t lost your way. You’re going somewhere worth going. Somewhere magnificent beyond the ability of your mind to comprehend. By trusting the perfection of each moment, you give yourself a gift: permission to enjoy the journey.

Don’t just take the trip. Let yourself enjoy the ride.

I can hear WPILM LAUGHING.....

I got called a "selfish little shit".
I got called a "selfish little shit".
Me.

I'm one of the most selfless people I know!
Hmmpfff!

"Then you must not know enough people." I can hear WPIML say to me.

Okayokay....I can take that kinda confrontation from WPIML, I mean--that's kinda sorta why I NEED someone like him in my life.
It keeps me right sized.
Humble even.
Cuz some times I get a bit big for my britches...puffed up, prideful, playing G-d in everyones life, including my own.

But c'mon....I got called a "selfish little shit" by a pigeon.  Somebody I work with every week.  Someone who was acting like a selfish little shit....and I mighta pointed it out to her, cuz I do for others what's been done for me.
Well....that and she WAS acting like a selfish little shit.

Yeah well.......I mighta been acting that way too.....but STILL!!
Hmmpfff!!

Just cuz I was acting like a selfish little shit doesn't mean ya gotta feel compelled to TELL me I am!!
And she laughed when she said it.....and then she HUGGED me!!!

There's a rule somewhere about that huggin' jazz....I know there is cuz I used it with WPIML.
NOT that he obeyed the rule!!!

Gawddddd.....sometimes it's just HARD to be me!!!  :-/

Daily reminder

We walk around with old wounds, old hurts– remnants of other times, ancient times, in our lives. We may be aware of these old feelings, fully conscious they’re there and why. Or we may only have partial awareness, a lingering sense that there’s some hurt within, without a clue as to its source. We may get a glimpse of it when we open our eyes in the morning and notice something deep inside aches, but we don’t know why. Or we may not be conscious of the pain or it’s connection to a particular event. The pain is hidden away, deep within our soul.

It has become time to cleanse the past.

Let the feelings come to the surface and pass through your consciousness. Let memories emerge as they will. You aren’t going back to your past. What’s happening is normal. Your heart is finding a way to heal.

Today's Reading

Timing

Wait until the time is right. It is self-defeating to postpone or procrastinate; it is also self-defeating to act too soon, before the time is right.

Sometimes, we panic and take action out of fear. Sometimes, we take untimely action for revenge or because we want to punish someone. We act or speak too soon as a way to control or force someone to action. Sometimes, we take action too soon to relieve feelings of discomfort or anxiety about how a situation will turn out.

An action taken too soon can be as ineffective as one taken too late. It can backfire and cause more problems than it solves.

Usually, when we wait until the time is right – sometimes only a matter of minutes or hours – the discomfort dissolves, and we're empowered to accomplish what we need to do.

I am soooo using this one!

One day at the drop zone, I grabbed a man who had jumped out of an airplane over ten thousand times. “I’m so scared each time I jump,” I said. “Is it normal to be that afraid?” This skydiving professional– who was so assured and respected– looked at me and smiled. “I was so frightened my first one hundred jumps that I couldn’t even breathe!”

When you’re trying to believe you can, whether it’s believing you can stay sober for the next twenty-four hours, learning to take care of yourself, being a single parent, being in a good relationship, learning to write, learning to type, or learning to jump out of a plane, make good solid connections to people, places, and things that help you believe I can.

And if you run into someone who’s walking a path that you’ve already walked, remember and share how it felt in the beginning so they can come to believe,too.

God, thank you for sending me the connections I need. Let me be of service whenever possible by being honest and speaking from my heart so I can be a good connection, as well.

Activity: Make a list of your connections. What are the areas in your life where you want to believe you can do it? Examples might be sobriety, taking care of yourself, being a single parent, learning to write, learning to be in a relationship, going through a divorce, surviving the loss of a loved one, getting your finances in order, or learning to speak a new language.
Once you have your list of I can’s, list in detail your present or potential connections for coming to believe. For instance, in recovery from chemical dependency, your connections might include your Twelve Step groups, the Big Book, a daily meditation book, a counselor, some recovering friends, and a medallion you received– whether it’s for one hour or one day. If you’re learning a new skill, such as writing, your connections might include a teacher, a friend, a book that’s particularly helpful and encouraging, a magazine, and a piece of writing you’ve already done that either has been published or received good responses from friends. This list is solely to help you believe you can.
Once you have your connection lists written, use them whenever you need a big dose of I can.

Captured Memory 31

For 39 Years....

December 6

Thought for Today

When I finally convince myself to let go of a problem that's been tearing me apart — when I take the action to set aside my will and let God handle the problem — my torment subsides immediately. If I continue to stay out of my own way, then solutions begin to unfold and reveal themselves. More and more, I'm coming to accept the limitations of my human understanding and power. More and more, I'm learning to let go and trust my Higher Power for the answers and the help. Do I keep in the forefront of my mind the fact that only God is all-wise and all-powerful?

Today I Pray

If I come across a stumbling-block, may I learn to step out of the way and let God remove it. May I realize my human limitations at problem-solving, since I can never begin to predict God's solutions until I see them happening. May I know that whatever answer I come to, God may have a better one.

Today I Will Remember

God has a better answer.

You'd think, after 39 years of staring at this reading, that I'd have this one down pat.

Hahaha.....that ain't happening!

It's a good thing my Creator knows what He's workin' with here.

Maybe 40 is Your lucky number!  ;-)