Fairy Reminder

There is no difficulty that enough LOVE

will not conquer;

No disease that enough LOVE will

not heal;

No door that enough LOVE will

not open;

No gulf that enough LOVE will

not bridge;

No wall that enough LOVE will not

throw down;

No sin that enough LOVE will not redeem.

It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble;

How hopeless the outlook;

How muddled the tangle; How great

the mistake.

A sufficient realization of LOVE will

dissolve it all.

If only you could LOVE enough

You would be the happiest and most powerful being in

the world.

Emmet Fox

OMG I'm freaking weary.......

Yes, I'm weary.

I'm darn weary.

And she called me a 'witch'. LOLOL
I agree with her--I am.
I goad. I demand. I harass.
Yes, she gets to tell the truth.
Yes, she was having difficulties prior to surgery with eating right.
Yes, she's dropped 60 some pounds in the last 6 months. And yes, I do think it's complicating things. So, yes thank you, I'd like to trade off those ten cases (240 cans) of Gly-whateveritscalled for 10 cases of the higher caloric 'stuff'. Okay--it's scripted and you can't take 'em back, we'll donate 'em so those who don't have insurance can benefit.....just bring me the higher caloric stuff, please and thank you. Ten CASES.....omg.....

7 cans a day is too much volume.......she'd spend her time with the tube feedings and have little time for living life! So--no, no break for her when she's toted off for the physician's appointment and he breaks it to her that it wasn't in the nodes HOWEVER.......it's the aggressive type and he wants her to follow up the surgery with radiation. Daily.....for six weeks........which she'll start in 4-6 weeks. Yes, she knew this was a probability prior to surgery. Yes, she was so focused on the loss of a tongue that she put that bit on the back part of the brain....so yes, it's been a 'lemme wrap my head around THAT one' moment in time.

And yes, dearheart.......it does get different. Ain't sayin' it gets 'better', but it does get different.

I'm freaking weary.
But I can't be more weary than she is.
She's up, moving, tending to herself independently--I can't remain here forever and we need to be sure she's where she needs to be to tend to herself. Life goes on, and while his employer has been wonderful, work is required for him.

It's rather comical to push him out of the house in the morning and assure him that she'll be fine while he goes to work. But I was a hated woman when I told him that I'd tag along to the grocery store the other day--he wanted to call the neighbor in to sit with her.
Ummmmmmm.....nope. We have the emergency plan set--she'll use it....and yes, I know it's only been 9 days since the surgery, two since she got home. NO rest for the one with the good genes. And yes, we're going to get a cuppa coffee AFTER we get groceries!

She survived. He didn't kill me.....so it's all good.

I'm leaving in 5 days.
She needs to be confident and he does, too.

But I gotta say, I'm freaking tired.......weary to the bone.

The good news is the house no longer looks like a hospital zone, as evidenced by the area I claimed for her meal stuff. And I have him thinking a bit differently than he was, which is good too. And she's doing awesome!
Up 75% of the day (yes, I nag), getting her own meals, tending to her own medical 'stuff' as needed. And the nurses that come to the home.....very awesome!

Am I confident she can do it all on her own? No. But we're structuring the time and environment in a way that it works for her to be successful in tending to herself as efficiently and effectively as we can today.

The good news is the pathology report showed no tumors in the nodes.
The bad news is she's going to be doing radiation sooner than she wants/thought....and she heard from the doctor that they're going to have a long relationship--that she's stuck with him for at least five years.

He's feisty, demanding, a tad arrogant and extremely knowledgeable/experienced.

He's good.
And I really, really, really like him.........
He didn't give her a choice on the radiation, he just said he was setting up the consultation and that was that.

LOL

Bit like me, I guess.
I just say how it's going to be and expect her to hop to it and DO it.
Yup.....her speech is pretty garbled and she's harder than hell to understand most times.

But there was nooooooooooooooo mistaking that 'WITCH' comment I got. LOLOLOL

TFTD

Remember -- you are in control. You are in control of all your actions. Remember that you’re in control, and you’ll be free to make the most of the limited time you have available to you. You are in control of your attitude. No one else can make you depressed, or lonely or excited. It is your reaction to others that determines your attitude. And it is something that you can change instantly.

You are in control of your body. You can eat that chocolate doughnut or you can eat a banana instead. It is completely up to you. You can take a walk around the block or you can sit in front of the TV. No one can make you do either activity.

You are in control of your relationships. No one can make you feel hurt unless you let them. No one can make you feel loved unless you react with love to their actions. If you want a better relationship with someone, then have a better relationship with them.

You’re in control of your fears. If there is someone you’ve been putting off calling because it might embarass you, then wait no longer. Only you can make yourelf embarrased.

You are in control of your time. You can choose to make the most of every single minute, or you can choose to waste a lot of time. It is your choice.

You are in control of your own mind. You decide what to think about things and how to react to different situations. You are in control of what your mind is thinking -- whether it is thinking negative thoughts or positive thoughts, whether it is lamenting problems or looking for opportunities. It is up to you.

You are in control of your own consequences. Whatever happens to you happens because of you. This is a big step. Learning to accept consequences and responsibility will give you more power than you ever dreamed possible.

You are the sum of the choices you have made. You’re in control anyway -- you might as well use that control to create the person you want to be.

Today's Fairy Thought

When you think you have all the answers, get busy and find some more questions. View each new discovery as a starting point, and not as a final destination.

The joy of life is in the journey. The fulfillment of life is in the growing.

Keep that growing going, and never let it stop.

Fairy Diddy

You will discover that real love is millions of miles past falling in love

with anyone or anything.

When you make that

one effort to feel compassion for

someone instead of blame or self-blame,

the heart opens again, and continues opening. Then, love fills the

empty spaces you thought someone else

could fill for you.

Reading for the Day

The distinction between work and play is nothing more than a judgment call. Instead of making that judgment, make the choice to put meaning and fulfillment into whatever you’re doing.

It’s easy to feel confined by your commitments and obligations. Yet when you choose, it is just as easy, and just as realistic, to feel enthusiastic and empowered by whatever it is you must do.

Your situation is what it is. However, the way you feel about your situation is completely up to you.

Califyellow

Today's Reading

We don't always have to be strong. Sometimes, our strength is expressed in being vulnerable. Sometimes, we need to fall apart to regroup and stay on track.

We all have days when we cannot push any harder, cannot hold back self-doubt, cannot stop focusing on fear, cannot be strong.

There are days when we cannot focus on being responsible. Occasionally we don't want to get out of our pajamas. Sometimes, we cry in front of people. We expose our tiredness, irritability, or anger.

Those days are okay. They are just okay.

Part of taking care of ourselves means we give ourselves permission to "fall apart" when we need to. We do not have to be perpetual towers of strength. We are strong. We have proven that. Our strength will continue if we allow ourselves the courage to feel scared, weak, and vulnerable when we need to experience those feelings.

Hallway Classiness

Sleep.....

I have my own room here in California. It's about to become hers...at least for a chunk of time while she's healing. I'm thinkin' ....waterbed....notsomuch! I've got a chunk of time, probably 24 hours, before they decide to kick her out of the hospital. Good grief they do things in rapid succession nowadays. Wow.....

Trache was capped, trache was removed.
The cast over the arm graft will get downsized and the drainage tubes will be gone.
Is she 'better'? Remarkably so....less than a week ago they sliced and diced her and today she's making the rounds down hallways, sitting in the chair and enjoying an occasional harassing moment with her favorite nurses. No, she's not taking food orally. And no, she's not understandable. But lemme tell you how wonderful it was to hear her squeak for the first time after surgery!!

O M G !!!! I thought I was gonna cry.

So--they're talking about kicking her out with in-home nursing. And I'm sticking around another week so it's good timing.
Bit tired after a fitful night last night. Pretty normal after they'd capped the trache and given her instructions on how to remove the cap IF there was an 'epic fail' and she ceased to stop being able to breathe through her nose/mouth. Even *I* wasn't planning on a decent nights sleep, given that information. But we made it 24 hours, capped and that sucker is GONE!

So I'm home--still without 'catch up' rest yet....dealing in loose ends around the house and getting stuff readied should they decide to send her home.

She's a bit panicked, but she's operating out of what was true 'yesterday'. And that's not true today.....and what's true today, won't be true tomorrow. Every day she makes more progress and every day she gets further in front of what was just a few short days ago.

I'm amazed.
I can't say enough about all the medical staff she's had helping her through this.
They're all rock stars......

I could go on about the icky moments--however....

I have things to do!

Today's a new day.
She's making noises and taking feedings through the g-tube.
And it's good.

Fairy Dust

Don’t base your attitude on what you’ve already experienced in the past. Choose your attitude based on what you would most like to experience in the future.

The way you decide to see the world determines what kind of world you see. Decide to see, and to live in, the very best world you can imagine.

New Day

Sun's up--somewhere under that gray mass.
It's a new day.
A bit of uninterrupted sleep was extremely helpful.

The shower didn't hurt! LOL

I'm packed for the sleep over.
The nurses rock! And she's getting good care. But the ability to talk what it is that she needs, is frustrating and scary to her. Having'we who know her' around helps her feel safer even if we're not qualified nurses. (I'm learnin' a whole lot though! I do know how to suction a trache and how to suction her very swollen mouth....poor thing....)
So it's back to the surgical care unit I go. BIL will go home this afternoon for his turn at 'home rest'........earlier if I can push him out. He's done an awesome job. AWESOME......even when he thought he couldn't do something, he did it and shook like a leaf afterwards.
He sooooooooo loves the sister.

And she's moody, which is to be expected. But she has rock star nurses and physicians. Only a couple that I had to get in line. LOL For the most part, they've been wonderful. I favor the vocal, goading ones--mostly cuz I tell her I know it's not pleasant.....but suck it up, get her arse up cuz we're going down the hall to the beach. (we can see the ocean from the window!!) I've got seashells I'm lugging with me today to put on the sill cuz.......

Right.

Puppies are fed.
Laundry is done.
House is vacuumed.

Sea shells are in the bag with the change of clothing!
Ready, set.......go!

Today's Reminder from the Reading Fairy

Would you like to have less stress in your life? Then quit creating so much.

Instead of jumping at the chance to be offended, choose to be amused. Rather than filling your thoughts with resentment, fill your heart with forgiveness.

If someone is rude to you, let it be that person’s problem and not yours. Quickly move beyond each disappointment, while savoring and extending and sharing each joy.

The world in general is what it is. Your life in particular, and your experience of it, is the way you choose to make it.

When you encounter difficult, frustrating situations, choose to respond with patience and understanding. When things don’t go your way, see it not as a disappointment but rather as an opportunity to make positive improvements.

Take each occurrence in stride, confident in knowing that you can make the best of it.

Life is good when you see it as good, so decide to always see it in the best light you can imagine.

Under the ancients.....

That's where I head after moments like today. Usually it's with a good cuppa coffee from the cafeteria. OMG they make the best coffee! And if you hit it right at closing time you can get the end of the last HUGE pot of coffee they brew.......and the guy at the counter smiles at you and says "For you...free!" How could you not love that cuppa coffee!!

So, when they 'downsize' the size of the trache (which is a horrid enough of a process) and decide to feed the sister through the g-tube hours after that........which results in a terror filled vomitting session WHILE trying to use the bathroom for the second time in days........it results in clearing up vomit, trying to be encouraging and sympathetic while trying not to gag or get tearful cuz that had to be painful on many, MANY levels..... Whaddaya do.....at times like that, time with the ancients is something that almost seems 'required'.

Sometimes it's in daylight.
Sometimes its in the dark of night with total disregard to the advice of others.
Sometimes it's in midafternoon with a bit of sun filtering through.

Time under the ancients has been a very helpful, calming thing.

It clears my head.
It opens my heart. (I haven't killed anyone yet!)
It centers me in what's true.

And it gives me that bit of time to just walk away from the situation in front of me, breathe.....and remember it won't always be like this.

It won't always be like this.

Some days it will actually be ickier!
Hold on........somedays have been ickier already.....

I meant....somedays will actually be BETTER!

Ohmygosh I sooooooooooo need a shower and a decent night's sleep!

Fairy Reading for Today

That's what happens when you're angry at people. You make them part of your life.

—Garrison Keillor

Our problems with anger and our problems in relationships go hand in hand. Some of us have held back our anger, which led to resentment of our loved ones. Some of us have indulged our anger and become abusive. Some of us have been so frightened of anger that we closed off the dialogue in our relationships when angry feelings came out.

Some of us have wasted our energy by focusing anger on people who weren't really important to us. Do we truly want them to become so important? Yet, perhaps the important relationships got frozen because we weren't open and respectful with our anger. It isn't possible to be close to someone without being angry at times. We let our loved ones be part of our lives by feeling our anger when it is there and expressing it openly, directly, and respectfully to them - or by hearing them when they are angry. Then, with dialogue, we can let it go.

The pace of progress

Fairy Thought

During the course of any day, people may make demands on our time, talents, energy, money, and emotions. We do not have to say yes to every request. We do not have to feel guilty if we say no. And we do not have to allow the barrage of demands to control the course of our life.

We do not have to spend our life reacting to others and to the course they would prefer we took with our life.

We can set boundaries, firm limits on how far we shall go with others. We can trust and listen to ourselves. We can set goals and direction for our life. We can place value on ourselves.

We can own our power with people.

Buy some time. Think about what you want. Consider how responding to another's needs will affect the course of your life. We live or own life by not letting other people, their expectations, and their demands control the course of our life. We can let them have their demands and expectations; we can allow them to have their feelings. We can own our power to choose the path that is right for us.

Life on the 8th floor

11 hours of surgery.
3 hours in recovery.
And now we're on the surgical care unit.

It's with deep gratitude that the surgery was successful. Not only did they get, what they believe, was a 'clean' removal of the tumors in the tongue--the 'flap graft' was successful and the doctors believe she has a chance to relearn speech and eating, in time. We're waiting on biopsy results from the lymph nodes...and there's other 'stuff' that they got to do, all of which they're considering 'successful' and necessary.

I'd love to say it's been an easy haul since the surgery--it has not. But we're all a lot stronger than we give ourselves credit and she's got some 'stubborn' genes mixed in with those nice ones. We've living at the hospital, at least momentarily.
I'm home to shower, collect some things, get rid of a stupid headache and toss some laundry in the machine while I hope for the stupid headache to go away--or at least for the vomiting to stop. (typical migraine crud--HORRID timing, lemme just say that much!)

So--good news for this piece of the journey, even though it's continuing to be a struggle.
Nothing that we can't and won't handle as we wade through all this to get to where we know we can be with perseverance.

The view from the window...awesome!
The results of everyones hard work and efforts to date, equally awesome.
We ain't done yet--but we have a heck of a good start.

Today's Thought

No man is more cheated than the selfish man. --Henry Ward Beecher

When we're selfish, we close off the channels of exchange with others.

Not only are we grabbing and holding all the goods or attention we can get, but we are denying others the possibility of sharing with us in the benefits.

We may be selfish in material goods, but there are many other ways too.

Some of us expect our spouses to meet our needs while we make little effort to meet theirs.

Some of us discover our selfishness as we drive, refusing to yield a position to another car or getting furious if we lose a place in heavy traffic.

By contrast, our generosity and welcoming responses nourish the spirit within us and create a good environment for our growth.

Sometimes giving does not come easily

We have a more generous spirit when we are in touch with our ultimate vulnerability.

All of life is fragile, and we need each other to have a good life.

We can truly hold on to nothing but ourselves.

Giving what we can of our time, our energy, and our goods, helps create the kind of world we want to live in.

Today, I will look for ways to be generous with those with whom I share this world.

Fairy Dust

When an obstacle is before you, use it to create a beneficial result.

Let your problems bring out your greatness.

Rather than pray for a life that is problem-free, ask for one that is solution-full.

Instead of requesting that God remove the mountain before you, seek the strength to climb it.

Remember that the best students always get the toughest problems.

Love the problems you have, and their priceless gifts will be yours.

TFTD

Some problems with people cannot be worked out in mutually satisfactory ways. Sometimes the problem is a boundary issue we have, and there is not room to negotiate. In that case, we need to clearly understand what we want and need and what our bottom line is.

Some problems with people, though, can be worked out, worked through, and satisfactorily negotiated. To negotiate problems, we must be willing to identify the problem, let go of blame and shame, and focus on possible creative solutions. To successfully negotiate and solve problems in relationships, we must have a sense of our bottom line and our boundary issues, so we don't waste time trying to negotiate non-negotiable issues.

We need to learn to identify what both people really want and need and the different possibilities for working that out. We can learn to be flexible without being too flexible.

Today, I will be open to negotiating conflicts I have with people. I will strive for balance without being too submissive or too demanding. I will strive for appropriate flexibility in my problem solving efforts.

The view in the wait

We stopped for a view--but with 50mph winds, surf was insane and going on to the beach...even more insane. Especially given it's a whopping 40 degrees. We stayed in the truck and I didn't think to snap a photo until we were headed back home. It's not that we didn't want beach time.....
She can't do the walk to the beach now.....even in perfect weather....

Mind you, I'm told it's in the high 70's in Iowa.
*sigh*

It's all good. I'm right where I'm suppose to be.

4:45am check in--surgery is at 7:30am.
We made mass and we got to meet with her priest and she was annointed, so she feels more prepared, more centered.
Still, the past few days have become more difficult.
I expected that.
I've come to know that.
It's all 'normal' I tell her.
And it is.
I just didn't want this 'normal' for her.

8-14 hours in surgery.
I'm hopeful it'll go without a hitch.
But that won't stop me from toting along the better angels--she needs their company.

And prayers.
So thank you, everyone....in advance.

Today's Reading

The more you love, the more love you are given to love with.

--Lucien Price

With love comes promises of sentiment as rapturous as fall's splendor of color and as delicate as a crystal of snow. Love empowers us to handle the struggles that bind us, the struggles that stretch us to grow. The familiar sights and muffled sounds of each moment vibrate with greater intensity when we're giving and receiving love.

We're deluded to think the love of others will complete us, so we strive for it; we long for it. But we receive love only when we're unselfishly offering it. It is one of life's wonderful mysteries that we must first give love away if we hope to get it.

Loving another tests our patience, strength, and security. Love spurned is dreaded and perhaps too familiar, but we must risk it once again if we are to find the love we deserve.

The gifts of love are many and guaranteed when the act of love is honest, unselfish, whole, and unconditionally offered.

Reading from the Reading Fairy

An error doesn't become a mistake until you refuse to correct it.

--Orlando A. Battista

In our lives, we have always been drawn to extremes. If it isn't white, it must be black. If a little bit feels good, we take a lot. If we are going to do something, only perfection is good enough. So if we don't win, we lose, and if we can't do it perfectly, we feel like a failure.

we learn to seek progress, not perfection. And we can only make progress by trial and error. We learn nothing if we don't try new things. It doesn't just happen all at once. But when we take our errors and our slip ups and agree to learn from them, we become stronger.

Today I accept my imperfection as a permanent condition.

Not the same

Yes, I'm whining.....

What's the point in having pressed coffee if you get both cups to yourself and there's no one to steal from who really WANTS that other cup?!
*sigh*

NOT that I'm complaining about getting the two cups of pressed coffee!
.....just complaining that I don't get to STEAL it, dangitall.........

k.....that's just weird.....LOL

Fairy Dust

Live with hope, with joy, with love, and you add hope, joy, and love to the world. Live with honesty and integrity, and you give the power of truth to all of life.

Day in and day out, what you do truly matters, more than you can ever know. Live each moment as though what you do changes the world, because it surely does.

Happy Buddah

In between visits to physicians and the like--there's weeding and trimming and massacring stuff. It's good to stay busy.

But handing me clippers and loppers and gloves is a verrrrrry bad plan.
She's just too gracious--even though I've killed her awesome geraniums that she's had for 9 years, she tells me that it's 'okay'....'time to plant different--the roots were going to damage the wall'.
k....Now a part of that could be true--I was trying to trim back poodle poofs.
Ya know...very long branch/stem thingy with a poof of flowers wayyyy at the end?

Yeah--poodle poofs.

Poodle poof geraniums...gone bye-bye!!!
No, that wasn't deliberate. But it was the end result.
Yes, I kill things.
And yes.......we'll be planting a Hope Garden in its place.

The neighbors were kindly and lent me their garden waste bins. (note that's plural--4 bins worth of ucky stuff just from the side flowerbeds....omg are there flowerbeds....)
They were collected yesterday. And that means........four empty bins to fill!

So yesterday I decided to disect the BACK patio flowerbeds!
Amazingly, I pulled off the first one.
Trimmed, weeded, cleared out!!
NO casualties even!!

And it LOOKS good.

Miracles DO happen.

But the one on the side?
Ummm.....started it!
Pulled out all the collected ocean rocks, weeded the mess, raked up the soil, slapped down some newspaper and dumped the rocks in place....and plonked down Buddah.

Buddah is 'happy' she says.
And the sister's smilin'(--in her own way because it hurts her to smile and laugh and talk....and eat...)
Of course, it's 'perfect' and she 'loves it'.

*rolling eyes*

Yeahyeahyeah....she's the one with the 'nice' genes.
Of course she loves it.

But there are two more beds in the back patio area.
And there are five in the front of the house--the ones that house her favorite roses.
And I mean her favorite roses.
The ones her honey bought for her that she's nurtured and loved for years.

:-/

If I can kill 9 year old geraniums, think what I can do to 15 year old rose bushes!
.

.

.

.


Oh boy.........

So....

Nodes are plentiful in both lungs--but small enough to disallow an aspiration for biopsy. Are they cancer, inflamation, scarring, other unknown? Who knows.
I just know the decision was to not do the surgical biopsy which woulda delayed the other surgery that needs to happen.

So, monitor the nodes--another PET in 3 months--and keep moving.
We're on for surgery this upcoming Monday.
I've added a week to my stay--turning this adventure into nearly a month long one.

We've talked Advanced Care Directive, we've talked how we're going to help her communicate and HAVE a life with no ability to talk. And we're setting some things in motion today, setting some dates to attend some functions with friends that force her out and about.
We're having cards made to present to people she will get to do business with, making it clear she's not deaf-but that she cannot speak(can ya hear the people talking loudly!...oy....)--and we're setting up alternative communications so she really can take care of business in another way. She needs to maintain her independence. It's as simple as that.

It's those little things that make it real, I guess.
Tough stuff to move into.
But truth is, she won't be speaking for some time--if ever.
She will have a feeding tube--so yes, that's why we're buying new clothing with easy access.

And yes she will be proactive about some of this stuff--she needs to move into some of those adjustments now so she can live in the life she's saving.

*sigh*
Never a boring moment with me around, I tell ya........

Fairy Reading for Today

There is no law that says you have to be hurt by criticism. In fact, you can choose to thrive on it.

No, you don’t want to intentionally offend people or do truly foolish things. But there’s no reason why you ever have to let anyone else’s opinion of you get you down.

It’s nice to have positive feedback. Yet it can be far more useful and instructive to receive negative feedback.

It is good to know what you’re doing right. Yet the biggest potential for improvement comes when you understand what you can do differently.

Instead of being defensive or resentful about the criticism you receive, be appreciative. If someone has a problem with you, let it be that person’s problem and let it be your gain.

You are absolutely worthy, apart from what anyone else may think, and fully capable of continual improvement. Welcome the criticism and the opportunities it brings, and use it to make each day, each effort, each experience even better than the one before.

In process

Fairy Reading for Today

Today, I will move forward with my life, despite what others are doing or not doing. I will know it is my right to cross the bridge to a better life, even if I must leave others behind to do that. I will not feel guilty. I will not feel ashamed. I know that where I am now is a better place and where I'm meant to be.

Fairy Reminder

"When the student is ready, the teacher appears."

And the teacher comes bearing truths that we need to assimilate into our growing bank of knowledge.

The truths we may be given today, or any day, won't always make us happy immediately.

We may learn that a job is no longer right for us.

Or that a relationship has reached an end.

And the impending changes create unrest.

But in the grand scheme of our lives, the changes wrought by these truths are good and will contribute in time to our happiness.

Let's celebrate the truths as they come and trust the outcome to be in our best interest.

We are traveling a very special road.

The way is rocky.

The bends limit our vision, but we will be given all the direction we need.

The truths I receive today will guide my steps. I shall move in peace.

One of many

If I ever question, which I do not, the power of those whose paths we cross--there's another fine example.

There's a recipe box sitting on the top of the antique sewing machine--filled with decorated cards from online friends who send prayers and well wishes and positive thoughts. She posts on a board and 'seems' to impress people with her loving ways. Go figure that.....but she IS the one with all the 'nice' genes.

I got to meet one of those gals yesterday.
She's spunky and outgoing and fun-- and clearly cares about the sister, hugely.

There's no doubt about the love she's surrounded by.
If she bothers to doubt that, I'll just hug her and hand her the box.
And the album.
And the books.....and cards....

It's good to have things you can touch and see and hold on to.
But it's the unseeing, untouchable but abundant love that will lift her up in all this.

And there IS an abundance......

I'm so glad.

Hugely so.

Reminder for the Day

Courage is the power to let go of the familiar. -- Raymond Lindquist

Coeur is the French word for "heart."

When we act with courage, we act from our hearts, not our heads alone.

We boldly do what feels right.

We may be scared if we're going against the grain, but we have confidence and faith supporting our actions.

Being courageous does not require going into battle -- we do not have to be saving someone's life.

It takes a lot of courage just to be honest with ourselves and others, to decide to change behaviors, and to live our lives differently.

Today I will pray for courage.

And today....

Nope, we've not hit the beach yet.
Yes, it's been lovely.
Yep, a whole lot of trimming and weeding has been going on. She just hasn't been up to it.
Yes, it's difficult--but she's doing okay, really. Best she can do at this moment in time.
He's doing okay--actually he's stepped up to the task at hand. I was worried about him being able to weather this and he's gotten into the "I'll get that done if it kills me." mode, which is serving him well. And her.

And I'm gardening.
And cooking (yes, I know I don't do that well.....).
She's not ate anything solid in 7 weeks.
It'll be a very long time before/IF that happens again.

We're working out the details, talking about the hard stuff--mostly me doing the talking because it's too painful for her to do it.

And we bought her some clothes that fit. That'll continue to fit and work well with the feeding tube she'll have following the surgery.
Yeah--she's dropped a whole lot of weight.....she was trying to before she got diagnosed.

She looked gorgeous dressed up for church this morning--and told me she felt pretty, something's that been fleeting for her.
And tomorrow, it's the biopsy of the lungs.

The good news is this is a very slow growing cancer--cuz it's been seven weeks with nothing done to prevent the growth/spread.
*sigh*
But we're closer. And she remains in decent spirits.
I just don't know how the body will endure.......

Patio Staples

Today's Fairy Thought

Stop playing tug-of-war.

Letting go can be like a tug-of-war with God.

Have you ever played tug-of-war with a puppy and an old sock or a toy?

He pulls. You pull it out of his mouth.

He grabs hold again and shakes and shakes and says grrrrrr.

The harder you tug, the harder the puppy tugs.

Finally, you just let go.

Then he comes right back again for more.

I have never successfully treated or solved one problem in my life by obsessing or controlling.

I've yet to accomplish anything by worrying.

And manipulation has not wrought one successful outcome.

But I forget that from time to time.

The best possible outcomes happen when I let go.

That doesn't mean I always get my way.

But things work out and, ultimately, the lesson becomes clear.

Reading for the Day

One cannot have wisdom without living life. --Dorothy McCall

Understanding circumstances, other people, even ourselves, comes with the passage of time and our willingness to be open to all the lessons contained within a moment.

We must be willing to participate fully in the events that have requested our attendance.

Then we can discover the longed-for clarity about life and our role in it.

Immersion in the moment accompanied by reflective quiet times promises a perspective that offers us wisdom.

We all long for happiness, an easier life, and wisdom.

We learn so slowly that both happiness and the easier life are generally matters of attitude.

Therein lies our sought-after wisdom.

How much simpler it makes living through even our most feared experiences when we have acquired the wisdom to know that the mind we carry into the moment, any moment, will be reflected in the outcome.

It takes patience and willingness to live fully enough to reap the benefits that accompany wisdom.

I'm good with that....

Yesterday was good.

It was a nothing day.

Nothing is good.

Well, hardly nothing--I finished the weeding one spot and started another.

And I got a bit of sun on the patio, which was equally good.

Sun tea.

Sun.

Patio.

A nothing day is good.

I'll hope for another today.

I'll putter while she rests--and do some of those things she's not been up to for the past 7 weeks.

A sisters touch

Thought For The Day

Where There is Charity and Wisdom ----

St. Francis of Assisi (paraphrased)

Where there is charity and wisdom, there is neither fear nor ignorance.

Where there is patience and humility, there is neither anger nor annoyance.

Where there is love and joy, there is neither greed nor selfishness.

Where there is peace and meditation, there is neither anxiety nor doubt.

Welcome Corner

And so we wait...

Funny how landing in colder weather than the midwest is having makes you grumble.

But that's rectified itself. And today promises to be the direct opposite. We're at 63, they're at 34. THAT gives me braggin' rights.

In the meantime. It's messy here. And it's good that I've come.

But they've delayed the surgery--the surgeon insists on the biopsy which is no doubt best practice. But it took me getting them in one room to get some answers that she and he could understand--that they needed. It's hard to tell...is it what she can hear at that given moment, or are they just not talking to each other. Personally, my experience with University Hospitals tells me it's the latter....which is why it's good I'm here....cuz neither of them are emotionally at a place where they're feeling like they can challenge/demand/GET the answers that they sorely want and need.

So it's backed up a week--and they have an understanding of why that's a good plan and how come it took 10 days to determine that. And the physician's have an understanding of why it is that answering messages/emails would be a good plan. There's number 4, 8 and 22 of those patient's 'rights'--and really, they do have a RIGHT to be effectively communicated with.

They're nice enough folks--and they're really GOOD. And they just got better after 20 minutes of being in the same room with each other.

*sigh*

But now we wait.

And in the meantime, she's dropping weight.

But she's got a freshly weeded flower bed that she doesn't have to fuss over.

It's what I do when I get madder than hell.

Good thing she has a LOT of flower beds. :-/

Reading for the Day

To be alive is to be hungry.

Our appetite for life is good.

It keeps us reaching, growing, enjoying, and yearning to fulfill our potential.

When our basic needs are satisfied, our hunger propels us to search for more elaborate gratification.

Here is where we often run into trouble.

Instead of progressing through the hierarchy of needs to the spiritual level, we get stuck in an attempt to make quantity - more things, more people, and more activity - substitute for quality.

And quantity alone is never enough.

It's good that we're hungry.

Our appetite motivates us to feed our body in a healthy way and also to feed our mind, heart, and spirit.

Our needs pyramid, and our hunger leads us beyond quantity to the quality experiences that fill our emptiness.

We read, we share, we love, we pray, we listen, we accomplish, we dance, and we feast on the fullness of life.

Today, I will direct my appetite to quality experiences.

Today's Reading

Possibilities and miracles are one and the same. --Anonymous

Many of us have seen happiness as a goal we couldn't find.

When we were children, we were taught that "life is a hard row to hoe."

We carried that over into our adult lives.

Seize the day - We let too many of our days just slide by.

None of those hours can be replaced.

Why worry over past failures if there is a victory to win?

Why keep thinking about our faults when we could be practicing virtues instead?

Seize the day - Hold each moment tight and look at each one with wide-open eyes and mind.

They are our lives, special to each of us.

The moments pass swiftly into memory.

Let those memories be good ones, filled with joys large and small.

Yesterday's unhappiness can't be changed, but today's happiness is my own responsibility.

Adieu to the frozen

I'm anxious

I'd suppose that's normal, given the circumstances.

Usually catching the flight meant 'YIPPEE--can't wait for the sunshine and beachtime'. Notsomuch this time.

I'm under no delusion on how the time will be spent there.

The sister is-- Shopping she says. Beach she says. She needs a new skirt she says.....

Hospital, I say in my head. Tests. Physical. Pain. Morphine.

She's not had any solid food since mid January--that ain't changing.

Yes--patio time prior...in between vicodin and appointments--that's IF she's been successful in having those set up.

Could be that's why I'm anxious.

She's dancing with denial--I'm sleeping with reality.

I'd prefer her world, at least momentarily.

Right........

I'll tie up loose ends and get on the plane.

Three weeks...... Not enough time.
Denial or reality--not enough time.

Fairy Reminder

If I live just one day at a time, I won't so quickly entertain fears of what might happen tomorrow.

As long as I'm concentrating on today's activities, there won't be room in my mind for worrying.

I'll try to fill every minute of this day with something good - seen, heard, accomplished.

Then, when the day is ended, I'll be able to look back on it with satisfaction, serenity and gratitude.

About that salt jazz........

Uh huh.......

So.....he-who-looks-out-for-yours-truly sent a text to the sister reminding her that I'm NOT auto-condimenting, which means no additional salt for.......me.....

No worries--I assured her he wasn't serious.

She, on the other hand is convinced he is and is taking action in hiding the 'rinse and spit' salt!

Oh--come, come.

No need to do that.

And she reallllllllllly can trust me with the table salt in the cute little shakers!

Uh huh--This is when she informs me that she doesn't have cute little salt shakers.

Fact is...she has no shakers with salt whatsoever.......

WHAT???!!! O M G !!

Don't I remember--she's on a low salt diet....so no salt shakers at her house....seriously!

I'LL PACK ONE!!!!!

Nice of me to volunteer dontchathink.

You don't think they'll see a shaker of salt as a security risk, do ya?

Certainly not.....

And just for the record--I'm now packed.

And I'm all set to increase my business opportunities by carting the 5000 paperbeads with me in that carry-on!!

LET 'em ask me what they are and what they're for! HA!!!

I'll have on a necklace.

AND I have a tablet of sticky note paper RIGHT in the same compartment those little baggies of paperbeads are in....to take orders in case that happens!

Gosh I'm sooooooooo creative it's almost scary........

Yeah well.......

......don't ask if I've packed yet......

*sigh*

I suck.

I was takin' photos of Mr. Icicle instead.

Yeahyeahyeah.....I know.....pack!

How fun is this one!

Removing the layers

Today's Fairy Thought

Our Wise Creator has provided each of us, at birth, with the necessary talents and gifts to make a worthwhile contribution to the world. What we make of those gifts and talents is entirely up to us. We can choose to ignore, and thereby destroy, our innate interests and abilities - or we can choose to pursue them, despite our doubts and fears, and enjoy life to the fullest.

If we wish to use our talents and gifts, we must become aware of those activities and interests we enjoy. Then we must make the effort to explore the opportunities and alternatives available to us. If we do not find a place for our interests and abilities in the world around us, we needn't be discouraged. We can create one. Dedication and perseverance have opened many seemingly closed doors.

TODAY - Am I doing the best with what I've been given?