Broken red wagons

This is not my red wagon, for the record.
I have one.
It's not this one.

But I have a chant for today.
It's my chant and anyone else who'd like to join in is entirely welcome to do so.


You can't ride in my red wagon. The wheels are broken and the axel's saggin'.....

AGAIN!

You can't ride in my red wagon. The wheels are broken and the axel's saggin'....

You can't ride in MY red wagon! The wheels are broken and the axel's saggin'...

Yep.
You CAN'T ride in my red wagon. The wheels are broken and the axel's saggin'!!!
*snicker*

ALL DAY long that sucker will be stuck. LOL

"Note"

Note the frustrated looking reading fairy below.

I imagine she's getting darn weary of handing me the same lesson over and over and over and OVER again.

LET GO, dangitall!!

Small wonder she's looking kinda forlorned, huh?
*sigh*
Like I'M having a good time with this lesson for the gazillionth time?
There's a mighty steep learning curve on letting go.

TFTD (again.........)

Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way. When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same way.
We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.

That approach makes us crazy. It tends to get us stuck and trapped. It is the stuff that unmanageability is made of.

We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life. We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't 'flow', we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.

Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder. Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go, detach, and stop trying so hard.

If it doesn't work, if it doesn't 'flow', maybe life is trying to tell us something. Life doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Something not working may be a sign.

Let go. If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate. Sometimes, a different path opens up. Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.

Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't 'flowing'. Step back and wait for clear guidance.

~~~~~~~
What they fail to mention is Guidance has it's OWN time frame.

AND they fail to mention who gets the blame for putting this reading in my book.
Darn reading fairies.........
*muttering*
If I thought this was a matter of 'rubber stamping' the lesson of the picnic tables, I'd celebrate. LOL

Picnic Tables

The simple lessons are the ones that bite me in the rear, every time. Apparently I need the lessons simple and clear.....elsewise I'm in for round 7,359 trying to 'get it'.
Could be that it's cuz I'm a stubborn cuss, huh?

So we have these picnic tables at work.
We've had them six freaking years. What do you expect from six year old picnic tables? I expect weathered wood and some falling apart to be happening (with 25 adolescents and their families, why wouldn't I expect that?!). Every other year we've set about sanding them down and staining them.
Could we afford new tables--probably. But the lesson for the kiddos is in hard work paying off, don't ya think? That's a lesson I'd like them to get....work hard, stick at it--and you too can make pretty picnic tables from weathered, gunky looking ones.

I'm pressed for time nowadays.
But I like that stuff.....gimme a sander and a couple kiddos and the outdoors. And give me the end product. In a life where I seldom GET end products, an end product is important to me.

I ended up passing on the picnic table adventure this year. More and more I'm discovering just what a 'busy woman' I truly am.
Leastwise I said I was going to pass......and an able bodied counselor decided she'd pick it up and do it with the kiddos.
It was a great thought.

I resented that I didn't have the 'time luxury' to do it.
I resented that MY project was confiscated. (...LOL....well, it'd been 'mine' for years, dangit!)
I resented that the other gal failed to follow through.
I resented that I was told I had 'more valuable projects' to spend my time on.
And I'm sure I looked obsessed when I picked up the sanders and took a couple kiddos 'hostage' to help me work on the darn tables.

And I stayed secretly poofy about it all, truth be known.
I had this teeny, tiny chip on my shoulder.

And I had two very crappy picnic tables.

We sanded the weathered tops and I wasn't happy with the end product. I thought I needed to give it up and go for brand new tables. Forget the lessons, forget the experiences for the kiddos--give up what I'd set out to do and give in to the time constraints--take an easier softer way. BUY a couple of new ones and get OVER it! And as I'm staring at the tables, resenting the whole experience and about to trash it all, someone moved to stand next to me and said:
"How about if you just turn it over?"

I did.
Literally and figuratively.
We turned over the wood planks.
I turned over the resentments.
I MADE the time and made it AS important as some of those 'more valuable things'.

The tables sanded down like new--with four coats of stain and varnish, they SHINE.
They're beautiful.
THE best looking picnic tables we've had in six years.

The kiddos who worked side by side with me are beyond proud.
They beat it to their parents car to announce that THEY'D done the tables--and aren't they just too cool.

And all we had to do is turn it over.
It's their victory and their lesson--supposedly.

I'll be confessing that G-d multi-tasked on those picnic tables.
And He did a beautiful job, too.
Everybody's shining.....

Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuu

Happy Birthday to you
Happy Birthday to youuuuuuuuuuuu!
Happy Birthday dear toothbrush.......

Happy Birthday to YouUUUuuuuuuuuUUUUUuuuu!!!!!
(yep, I'll use darn near any excuse to sing!)

Today the toothbrush celebrates it's 508th birthday!
Wow.....he's been around a long time, huh?

But oh, the places the toothbrush has been!
Mine's been to Boston.
And to England.
And Ireland.
And New York.
And Chicago.
(it's a travelin' kinda toothbrush--literally and figuratively. The other one just sits in the holder--poor thing.............)

HEY!!!
I'm thinkin' I'll take Mr. Toothbrush to work today!! Afterall, it's his birthday.

What they heck--they all think I'm nutzoid anyway!
Might as well remove all doubt? LOLOL

YEAH!!!!

I was going to curse the rain.
We got a ton of it last night.
The farmers need it (so they say-even though it rained near every day last week) and it's cheaper than turning the hose on the flowers, right?

But gosh dangit..........It washed away my chalk picture. *pouting*
I was gonna take that up with the Big Guy-but SOMEone this morning suggested a bit of gratitude.

Fine.

We DO have lightening bugs--so I guess I can't get THAT grumbly with G-d.
Well, I could, but I'd be a whiney brat.
Which, in all actuality, I am.....just in case ya didn't know..........

But hey!! It was a short lived kvetch--I didn't even get to do it three times!
(The garaged still isn't cleaned, btw.)
(And it's just more proof that I don't know a darn thing about what's good for me so don't bother to point that out to me! LOL I LOVE humility, dontchaknow!)
I went looking for a shirt in the g'mas room this afternon (also known as the spare room by most folks)--this was after my meeting and after I had a 'chat' with wisepersoninmylife-- and I found sidewalk PAINT!
:-)
Complete with rollers and sponges for making all kinds of designs!! AND it has multi-coloured chalk that came with it!

Okay, okay..........................so wisepersoninmylife was right...............again............

We have lightening bugs AND I found sidewalk paint!
I'm figuring G-d was creating me a new pallet cuz He knew I'd be finding that today!
Yep............dontchanknow it's ALL about MEMEME?
ROFL!!

Simple philosophy

I have a simple philosophy. Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. And scratch where it itches.

Words of the wise worthy of remembering.

QOTW 6/25

What kind of people do you try to avoid?

The self-absorbed, holier-than-thou, selfish, haughty types.

Not the self-absorbed, holier-than-thou, selfish, haughty alcoholic types--I work with those on a regular basis.
They're egomaniacs with an inferiority complex.

I'm talking the kind of folks who make things all about them and "look at ME and what I have done--aren't I wonderful and aren't all of you second class citizens."
They get on my nerve. LOL

There oughta be a law....

Really. I ought not be allowed into craft stores. I can't leave empty handed.
It's 'disallowed' for people like me.
Doesn't matter the season, I'm forever picking up something.

So when I try to sneak my way into the house with a bag that rustles (WHY can't they make quiet sacks anymore?!) it's not without just cause.
Cuz he's GONNA ask....

"What's in the sack?"

Ever get that deer in the headlight look? Apparently I do when I'm caught sack rustling.

He crosses his arms and tries to look like he's going to scold me. (He can't pull it off...he's just too cute and I'm just too fiesty to respond to a scolding. *snicker*)

And of course, I HAFFTA lie.

"Bag? What bag?"

Never works cuz I don't bother to try to hide the darn thing--why would I?! It's making all the noise in the world when I'm trying NOT to move it.

Eventually, I end up confessing..."Yes, I've been in yet another craft store.....AGAIN..."
And I talk a gazillion miles an hour......"butitwasonsaleanditONLYcostfivebucks!"

Alright, alright!
So we don't NEED another feeder for the birdies. (It really was on sale and I was thinkin' I could find a home for it....afterall, it was the last one, dangit--it was lonely!)

That was last Sunday.
Seems he had an idea of what to do with that five dollar feeder that I tried to steal into the house.

HE could pull it off cuz noone was home whilest he was staining, varnishing and sticking on ladybugs.....the smartie pants!

I was way excited cuz I thought it was kinda cute! I wish the photo showed just how dang cute it really is....but I'm almost relieved that it doesn't.

See.....HE was convinced we had no need for another birdie feeder (must be cuz he figures nine feeders are sufficient--silly man!) and has claimed it as a housewarming gift for a friend.

I'm sure HER birdies will be very happy.
Thankfully, OUR birdies won't know what they're missing.
Unless, of course, they all flock to HER house to check out the nifty cute feeder.....
He'll be soooooooo sorry.

Singsongy Saturday

EVERYbody SING!!!!!
I don't wanna grow up.......

I'm a Crayloa chalk kid....lalalalalala.....

*chuckling*

Some people just get older and never truly grow up, huh?
:-)

Hey-- I was cleaning the garage when I hit the bucket of chalk. And yes, the garage quickly became foresakened(that is too a word!)
Uh huh. On my butt, colouring to my hearts content singing just as boisterously as I could:

When I get older losing my hair many years from now
Will you still be sending me a valentine,
Birthday greetings, bottle of wine?
If I'd been out til quarter to three would you lock the door?
Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm sixty-four?

Who NEEDS a clean garage anyway?

Warm June Evenings--

Yesterday I worked late--this isn't unusual for a Thursday night. I shove in all I can and I'm hard pressed to want the evening to end. It's time with kiddos that I thoroughly enjoy. It was near 11pm when I finally stumbled home.
Himself was waiting--offered me up an ice cream cone when I dumped all my 'stuff'.
WHY I tote 'stuff' home when I'm returning at 8am is beyond me!

Old people sitting on the patio with their feet up, indulging in ice cream cones at 11:30pm....in the dark....in their matching rocking chairs. LOL Well, we're not ancient old, but c'mon--11:30pm and sitting in rockers in the dark, munching on ice cream cones? *sigh* I think we're suspiciously close to qualifying, huh?

We had lightening bugs and planes enroute to some far away place to entertain us. Crickets were chirping and we weren't straining to hear the frogs at the pond down the road. It was a pretty relaxing moment in time.

"Did you see that?! It was a shooting star!"

Lightening bug--sorry....

"THERE!! Did you see it?!"

'Nother lightening bug....aren't they cool?

"THERE! Look over there....."

Dearheart--shooting stars aren't green and they don't go down and then up....and then down again.

And as if on cue--voile......one magnificent shooting star--tail and all.

Now THAT was no lightening bug!
Holy moley......

It don't get much better than ice cream cones, rocking chairs, lightening bugs and shooting stars on a warm June evening.
You won't hear me complaining!

Well, you WILL if you mention toasters....LOL

Warped and dysfunctional

I need a new toaster, courtesy of the warped and dysfunctional one that incinerated my bagel last night. I'm blaming that toaster for a whole lot of things this morning--cuz I can.

BTW--HUGE fans and Fabreeze--they work to if you need to get the smell of sacrificial bagels out of your house -- just so ya know.....

I decided I want a toaster like Wallace and Gromit have.
I wonder if they sell those at WalMart.

The Long Road

I'd like to think we all have chunks of our life that don't get much air time.
I have chunks.
There's that time between getting sober and losing my mind that doesn't get a whole lot of airtime. There's that chunk of insanity when I DID lose my mind that doesn't get talked about. I don't believe it's embarassment/shame over the places that I've been. It's just 'then' and this is 'now'.
Other 'thens' get talked about.
I'm not sure how come that 'then' isn't given think or 'talk' time.

Was a time that I was 'nutz'. And I mean lockable nutz. A time when turning the key was the option because I was a danger to myself. I'd lived a life of being a danger to others--I got to a point where, in dealing in life and realities of the circumstances I'D placed myself in, I just didn't wanna deal.
Wisepersoninmylife--the FOUNDING wisepersoninmylife--assured me that where I WAS was a direct result of not bothering to do 'the deal'......that I either got up and started doing what was suggested or I WAS going to die. Lemme alter that to what he actually said to me in that locked place. "You'll either 'get it', or you'll fuckin' die...."

I didn't FEEL like doing it. But AGAIN, in the words of wisepersoninmylife "It's not required that you FEEL like doing something to actually DO IT."

I had a falling apart marriage, children that I couldn't for the life of me be present FOR...and I'd whittled myself away to a whopping 82 pounds. At 5'8" I had to feel in control of SOMETHING--guess which 'something' I picked.
I put a gun to my head and pulled the trigger. Literally.
I'd managed to legally dope myself up and psyche myself up to the point that I could 'justify' putting the gun to my head.
That'll get you locked up.
That'll get you locked up IF you survive the experience.

G-d had other plans--I survived the experience.
I began a strange and wonderful, fearfilled journey--and I ended up here.
And 'here' is an awesome place to be.

I thought I 'got it' when I came through the other side of that lockable decision.
I knew I 'got it' when a 'replacement' wisepersoninmylife looked at me after my G-donlyknowswhich go'round with chemotherapy and whichtime they told me to 'get my affairs in order' that he said "You've got a loving G-d who has a plan for your life.......trust THAT."

I didn't flip him off....LOL...so I MUST have gotten 'IT' SOMEwhat!

I've been places.
It's been a long road--and the chunks of time aren't holding a whole lot of power in my life, except that they brought me here.
And really......here IS an awesome place to get to be.
Some people 'get it' without a gun to their head.
I guess I'm not one of 'em......

Apparently I'm stressed?

*chuckling*
I suppose I could find a victim.
He's sleeping....arrangements could be made......

Well APPARENTLY I'm stressed.
I don't know that I FEEL particularly stressed..but I must be. I have those little stress bumps on my hands and fingers.
Darn things--they itch and I scratch and look like some possessed greedy person, scratching my palms. LOL

I'd suppose it's the work situation....the 'end of the fiscal year' stuff and the new/added responsibilities.
Truth be told, the responsibilities have been being doled in my direction for some time--a bit here, a bit there. When I talked with the boss last he did hand me a job description for the 'new' position.
I read it.......and frowned.

Nothing new on under the sun on that paper!
So what's 'new' about this deal?!
The title....which places me in another 'heirarchy' that I didn't realize I was being slowly placed into anyway.
And I get to do MORE of what I already do--which takes away from the amount of direct service that I get to do with the kiddos and families.

I'll faniggle my way around some of it.
Some of it I won't get to faniggle around.
But I'm obviously stressed cuz there's these stupid bumps on my hands.

I'm not choking anyone ........ YET.
However, I do get the sense that I'm quietly looking for a victim. LOL
And I usually find what I go looking for!
Warning, warning! ;-)

I got my hairs cut

"It's a nice haircut--it's shorter by your ears than usual."

"Uh huh......apparently 'old people' get it cut shorter by their ears" (and yes, I was looking at his hair--ummm...or lack OF when I said it)

"It's not an 'old people's' haircut."

"Oh, contraire' mon cher.........it is."

"And you say this because......."

"Because the hair dresser told me I have lovely hair."

"Well, you do."

"Uh huh......well, that was right before she asked if I'd ever thought of colouring it."

(smart man...he tried not to smile and just nodded) "Is she still alive?"

"Yep...."

"No evil thoughts of grabbing scissors and torturing her?"

"Nope."

"Not one?!"

"Nope.......I was too busy silently cursing G-d for having me show up at a meeting where the topic was 'love and acceptance of others' BEFORE the hair appointment."

(this is where he dared to laugh)

"G'head....laugh..........I'm sure G-d is, too. I mean...... Talk about covering your bases! There'd be one less hair dresser on the planet were it not for His implict timing! And she doesn't even know enough to be grateful, dangit!"

"It's still a nice haircut?"

"I'll note that you didn't disagree about the colouring statement----"

"What was the topic of that meeting again?"

LOL He's such a buttmunch!

QOTW 6/18

Is there a book that you've read several times?

Well, now that's a no-brainer to ask a recovering alcoholic! LOL

I sift through that Big Book of Alcoholics Anonyomous at least three times a year.
And the meditation book(s) at least once a year....pick the book--I think I must have at least thirty of those meditation books. And there's the 12 Steps and 12 Tradiations book....Gosh--is it apparent that I read a whole lot?
Not really, but I do read repetitiously, huh?

Are we counting Torah?
Cuz that gets read once a year as well.
And what about The Butter Battle Book or The Places You'll Go? How can you NOT read them more than once.
And Shel Silverstein!

Listen to the mustn'ts, child.
Listen to the don'ts.
Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts.
Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me...
Anything can happen, child. Anything can be.

:-)

Managing stress

A lecturer, when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked,
"How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

"If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes."

He continued, "And that's the way it is with managing stress.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won't be able to carry on."

"As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden."

"So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."



Makes ya wonder if anyone piped up "Drink the water!", doesn't it.....
Well, makes ME wonder......LOL
And yes, I know--that's not the point!

Country roads

Just another sea of corn. ;-)
MAYBE two feet high--but it'll be having a growth spurt from yesterday's rain.
It's all green...every square inch, I swear......
Maybe it's not beauty to some--but give me a country gravel road and I'm content. I've been known to stop the car just to listen to the corn whispering and hear the birds singing.
You can almost measure time without a calendar.
I like this little corner of the world.
From hilltops it seems to go on forever.
It's a patchwork that's ever changing.

It's home.

Bug game

"That's because you're American and you don't understand complicated games like that."

'cuse me......... When he's got low balls and there's talk of a deep fine leg?.... and we're talking first slip, second slip, third slip--Geeze!!! PICK a slip already!

And what's up with leg slips anyway?! Can you imagine growed men with slips on their legs? Leg slips and silly mid ons?
*chuckling*
I'm not sure what a mid on is, but I'm clear whatever it is, it's silly...........and I LIKE silly but apparently I wouldn't want a silly mid on or a silly mid off.

I'm sure I'm not makin' any points here.

But c'mon....Like it's any of my business that ONE of the umpire's is straight!? (the other's got a square leg, poor fella.......I'm kinda feeling bad for him.)


I'm rooting for Sri Lanka.
I can't understand their guest commentator any more than I can the English gents who are eating their cakes talking about some forward short leg and low balls.

*chuckling*
He loves cricket.
And he loves me.
But I'm thinkin' he'd just like me to g'way so he could hear the darn game. LOL

TFTD (also known as Thought For The Day)

So the bank calls and says you're overdrawn, and you don't know how that can be. You've been trying to carefully watch your deposits and checks. You've gone out of your way not to mess up. This can't be right!

What do you do when life seems to force you to react? You can panic, become anxious, yell, and respond with a counterattack. But that probably won't solve the problem. And it may turn things into a brawl.

Or you can calm down. Breathe deeply. Tell yourself to relax. Say as little as possible, if that's possible, while you're upset and disturbed. If a problem or disturbance that's not fair interrupts your life, try responding by saying hmmm.
Then calm down and decide what you need to do.

There's a time to get upset, yell, scream, and shout. But that time isn't when you're trying to sort out problems. Before you take action, get centered, calm, and clear.
You will discover that when you're centered and calm, you're more powerful than you think.

God, help me start sailing through life with more ease by learning to relax and let life be.


:-/ Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.........

Kleenex and hula hoops

Okay--admittedly this is not even CLOSE to being me. I'm not in Paris, this is not my body and if it were me and I were in Paris, I'd have clothes on!
Gotta love a hula hoop, though.

Honestly--I couldn't count the number of people I made unhappy yesterday on one hand. It'd take both hands and a few toes.
I'm afraid that living with a neurotic person is starting to take a toll.

It bothered me to have that many people upset with me.

Granted, I managed to get four people upset in one full swoop without even trying!

Yes, I'm the meanie who said the kiddos couldn't have the giant "six flags" waterslide the staff purchased over the weekend! Were it not for the weather being in the 50's last weekend it would have been put up and used and I'da had to look for another answer instead of regretfully telling the staff that it would have to be returned. (trust me when I say the plan was to get that slide up and used so they could KEEP the darn thing......LOL) The slide will go back.
And yes, I'm a meanie.
That accounts for four people who scowled at me yesterday.
The kiddos were much more gracious than the grownups were...........at least they were to my face. LOL

Then there's the staff who I 'made cry'.
*sigh*
Okay, I'll go back and check to make certain they understand it's not about 'them' as a person.

Then there's the other staff that I 'made cry'.
Good grief.
I'll go back and check to make certain THEY understand it's not about 'them' as a person.

Then there's the OTHER staff that I 'made cry'.
What IS it with people?!
Yes, I'll go back and check to make sure THAT one understands it's not about 'them' as a person.

Do I even dare to mention that there's a whole team that's 'upset' with me because I challenged their planning on a kiddo because I'm banking there's another solution they just haven't come up with?
*counting*
That's eight people upset--though two of them did get with me to tell me they were trying to come up with alternatives because maybe they didn't exhaust themselves or the resources as they thought they had.

I'm counting both hands and three toes.
NOT that I oughta be counting!

I did get a reprieve from the 'upset staff' yesterday when the kiddos were playing outside (not with the waterslide, of course). Someone had to watch them while the teams were meeting and frankly, being with the kiddos felt safer! LOL

'Cept they were thinkin' they were all that and a bag of chips because they could hula hoop and they were getting great joy from telling me how their staff couldn't.
I was chided into it by a 14 year old.
It's not my fault.


*snickering*
I can hula hoop....longer than the smarty 14 year old....so nahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I picked the hula hoop with the lights in it--it was way cool!
I'm thinking more hula hoops for the kiddos
.......... and more kleenex for the staff?

And possibly a sign for me that reads "what other people think of you is NONE of your business"?

Salad anyone?

Himself had company while I was at work today.
Nope......they weren't of the 'planned company' type.

He didn't want to tell me he'd let a 'woman in the house' while I was away. Fact is he didn't wanna tell me he'd had COMPANY. He managed to preface it with "I know I won't be hearing the end of it, but I need to tell you......."
And tell me he did.

Now, according to HIM, he thought he was about to be the proud recipient of a free salad. After all, the woman who came to the door asked him if he'd LIKE a free salad. Well, howdydoo--who wouldn't like a FREE salad when it's 90 and you don't feel like cooking!

What he didn't realize was that the woman had a different agenda.
What a trusting soul he is.

Out she goes to her car--back to the house with a huge bundle of 'stuff'. Including the handy dandy salad maker thingamabob!
Yes, sirree--YOU could have this handy dandy saladmaking thingamabob, too. It slices, it dices, it shoots salad fifty feet!
(I'm thinking he was near death trying to figure it all out...what WAS this strange woman doing in his kitchen with this contraption and how is he suppose to make her go away?!)

He assures me he was polite and kindly. He also tells me that he told her he'd have to check with " 'erindoors" about this party for eight they'd be GLAD to cater to if they could only show off what their handydandy thingamabob---and the assorted pots and pans that they're SURE our friends would love--can actually DO!
"And how are you liking that salad?!"

They're contacting him Friday to see what " 'erindoors" has to say.

I doubt he'll repeat it to them.......LOL

A cuppa joe

A fresh cuppa coffee........and I'm set!

I have 'coffee moments' in the morning--moments when I look backwards and have to smile.
It really is a wonderful life--speed bumps and all, ya know?

We had the Relay for Life this weekend. The kiddos at work got involved in it some seven years ago. It's all good--they get to give back to the community and it truly is good for them to be a part of something that's helping others. They solicit pledges/donations for the Cancer Society and they volunteer their artistic talents to write out the luminaries that have become a part of the whole Relay for Life experience. They don their white t-shirts with "Relay for Life" decorating them and walk and walk and walk.........

This year we were rained out. Pooh on that....having it at the high school gymnasium/auditorium kinda takes some of the fun out of it--but it was still 'all good'.

I didn't make the opening ceremonies--obligated to attend the opening of the New Library/Community Center, dontchaknow. *making a face* I suck at social things....LOL I'da rather been walking circles in the high school gymnasium.

I did get to do some walking--until it was time to go BACK to the dinner at the Community Center/Library.
But I was sad during the experience at the Relay for Life. And that's not usual--generally I feel pretty darn graced.
I don't know if it was because himself was somber--it pretty well shoves that reality in his face that he so likes to avoid dealing with--or if it was because I got reminded of people lost to the disease that I well and truly miss.
Dunno.

I do know that I lost it when a gal on stage decided to dedicate a song (Rascal Flat's "Skin") to a little gal the kiddos go to school with who's dealing in leukemia.
I can't hear that song without getting welled up.

I thought of Michelle--wiserpersoninmylife's wife who passed away earlier this year.
And I thought of Madison--the 5 year old daughter to my secretary that she lost three years ago to the same disease.
I thought of a whole lot of mom's and daughters and dad's and brothers.......

And I wondered how come I got to remain, ya know?
How come I got the purple t-shirt marked 'survivor'?

Purple shirts mean 'hope', I'm told.
Purple is the right colour, methinks.
But I didn't 'survive'.........
I was brought to the other side.

Please note that there's not one complaint about my feet aching from the experience...
Just my heart.

Step three and desperatation

JUST for good form! LOL

Oh.........And there's always that last ditch effort reminder that comes complete with a groan:

G-d--
Pleassssse let me be treated tomorrow as I treat others today.
Amen

;-)

QOTW 6/11

If you feel agitated is there a routine that you go though to calm down?

There's a couple, actually.

If I'm at work, I step off of the unit and leave to walk around the building a couple of times. Mostly I do this when I become incredibly agitated--to the point of pissed off beyond recognition. It's rare that it happens at work--but it does at times. I leave the floor cuz the odds are I'm going to get tearful....that's what happens when I'm pissed off beyond recognition.....LOL.....I cry and I don't want any witnesses, thanksverymuch! LOL
Then--I surrender....

The REST of the time--I surrender. Yep, it's that third step prayer that I recite.
I try it in my head and sometimes that's enough.
Afraid to say--sometimes that's NOT enough and I'm excusing myself to the bathroom where I hit my KNEES and surrender again.
I go back to try to be civil.....and if I still can't do it--either I go BACK to the bathroom to surrender of.......(no laughing please) I get on my knees in front of G-d and everyone right where I am and I surrender AGAIN. Yes, I know...not a pretty sight! LOL I've had lots of practice surrendering in front of waitresses and a room full of dining people. Humility isn't bad for me......it hasn't killed me yet.

BTW--last Wednesday during my 'leadership meeting' (which is done over lunch) I went with a pissy attitude cuz I'd let myself get agitated over the darndest things. I tried in my head......I tried outside by my car, on my knees. LOL And I'll be go to heck--I ended up on my knees, by the table....with the waitress walking around me taking orders. LOL
She didn't need my order--I order the same thing every Wednesday and she knows it by heart.

Yep--third step prayer.
Surrender, surrender, surrender! LOL

Duh!

See--this is why I keep wisepersoninmylife!

Not only does he remind me that the consequences for burying a body in my backyard are pretty steap, but he whaps me a good one and tells me to 'pull up my big girl panties and get over' myself.
"What makes you think you're SUPPOSE to have the answer?!"

Well, gosh......aren't I SUPPOSE to be able to 'figure things out' by now?! I mean, good grief--I'm not exactly stupid.

Yeah, yeah.........dumb statement to make and I knew when I made it cuz I ducked. LOL

No, I'm NOT suppose to 'figure things out'. I'm suppose to do MY JOB, day in day out, and stay out of G-d's way and other people's 'stuff'. I can love them through their moments without taking the moment and making it MINE.

Well, yeah........I KNOW that, but geeze........YOU try living with a neurotic Brit!

"YOU CHOSE IT."

Oh yeah. Well, try it anyway--THEN you'd feel sorry for me!
(I ducked when I said that too.....LOL I do a whole lotta ducking when I talk to that man, it's a learned survival skill. *snickering*)

What do I want 'bigger' today?
What do I want to water and nurture and make grow?
And what do I truly have control OVER?!

Ummmmmmm.......'me and my attitude' probably would have been a good answer--but I'm a smartass and I ducked and said:

"THE WORLD and EVERYONE IN IT, mwaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes, I know it's all about me--and none of it is about me.
It's about me and my attitude.
It's about what's mine and what's not.
It's about him getting to come to his own acceptance and understanding.
It's about me letting him get there.
And it's about me doing what's good for Mel, regardless of what anyone around me is doing.

I don't get to 'spare' anyone a tough lesson in life. It's not mine to decide how that lesson gets brought to the human being. It's mine to love them through the moment and be present for them. But I don't get to hop a ride on their lesson and make it mine cuz it's not my lesson--it's an affirmation of a lesson wisepersoninmylife thought I'd learned ......and I'm going to serve as a good warning if keep joining the insanity. Not to mention I'll lose sleep. AND go to prison if I bury the body in the backyard! So.....

Wiseperson in my life told me if I was that 'bored' he had some work around the barn that needed done--if I was going to 'play in the shit--better it be there'. LOL

He's sooooooooooooooooooo compassionate and caring!
*chuckling*

See how it works?!
You go to wiseperson about THEM and it all gets made about YOU.
Hmmmph!

I'm assured:

"It IS all about you..........and none of it's about you--AT ALL.
You might wanna quit playing with his shit--cuz you're staring to stink."

*snickering*
Gosh.....and I even showered before I met him for coffee.

Thank you, Nietzsche

~~In heaven all the interesting people are missing.~~

Call me a bit strange, but I actually get the sentiment.

I know, I know......"BE GOOD, dammit!".


WHY?! Where's the fun in THAT?

*pouting*
I'm not exactly one who's known for being on my best behaviour ALL THE TIME.
This is why the tenth step exists, dangit..........so one can have the squiggle room for FUN!

*hanging head*
Okay, so perhaps pushing that plunger down on the coffee press pressie is a bad plan. BOY can that coffee go great distances when you do it with force!
And maybe one ought not to turn off computers that don't BELONG to onself all the way to the powerstrip.

Yep.......
I probably ought not to derrive soooooo much pleasure from watching people 'sit and spin' as they try to figure it or me out.

However.....



I do.

*snicker*

Eerie Skies

They'd be beautiful if I knew what they were and how they happened.
Eerie is what they 'felt'.........

Unmade, Undone...........

I didn't sleep worth a darn last night.

It must have been after two in the morning when I finally managed to 'sleep'.
That itty bitty shitty committee was having a good time, methinks.

I'd lay there and THINK.
WRONG plan!

I tried NOT thinking--that never works for me. Apparently some folks can turn off their brain. I'm not one of them.
I tried the 'new age' concept of 'channeling your thinking'. (fancy way of saying: give your brain something different to munch on)
That didn't work.

All thoughts led to thinking about what I wasn't actually wanting to give thought to.
Enter the itty bitty shitty committee--and off we'd go!

I ended up in the 'grandma's room' (affectionately named for the sponged paint job and the antiques therein) and tossed and turned and thought some more.
The only good thing was the open window that allowed me to hear the rustling of wings and the occasional twitter of the mom and baby grackles who apparently are temporarily residing in the neighbor's tree.
But that even got lost to the IBSC.

I copped a dangerous think.
Brought to you by the itty bitty shitty committee and the wonderful words of a Brit absorbed in his own unhappiness:

"If you don't want to send in those papers for the final adjustment I'd understand."

Well, gosh..............thanks for giving me your 'understanding' and your permission.
And if I didn't have a limit on lifting more than 50 pounds, I'da shot him and buried the body in the garden.
Darn back surgeries and their permanent limitations anyway.

Alien at the podium

Gimme a few hundreds drunks to talk to any day of the week.

I think I've made my position on public speaking relatively clear.
I HATE IT.
Now, I'm told I'm GOOD at it--but I'm pretty convinced they're schmoozing me cuz they don't like it themselves.......but fine--I understand it's 'required'.

I do have to pause when I walk center stage and stand at that darn thing. It's too routine to introduce myself in the usual "Hi, I'm Mel and I'm an alcoholic."
Fact remains that I HAVE done that on occasion--thankfully it's gotten me a laugh or two in front of some pretty tough crowds.
NOT planned and I'm thinkin' it needs to not be a part of the repetiore!

But yep--I have to go 'talk' in front of human beings again.
"Hi, I'm Mel and I'm an alien" might work. LOL I feel like one most days anyways--why not let that be known.

I've decided that I get 'volunteered' for moments like this cuz no one else WANTS to and any 'nice' thing said about my 'charisma' and ability to 'talk a good talk' is purely self serving on the part of the complimentOR.
Heck, I rarely remember exactly what I talked about when it's all said and done.

This is good, because it means I was saying what was true and it wasn't a big deal.
This is bad, because it means when folks come up to you after the fact and call attention to something you said and you respond with a "I said that, huh........" it only affirms the fact that you truly are an alien.

OH BOY! I get to stand at a podium today!
Yippee!!!!

*rolling eyes*

Reading materials of the week

Sometimes I have to question my own sanity when it comes to my selection of reading material. It's this one that's boring me...LOL I'm pretty sure it's good to keep abreast of the issues and ethics when it comes to 'the helping professionals'.....MUST be cuz the agency pays for therapists to wander into ethics training every year.

Would someone care to enlighten me as to WHY it is that one must remind therapists YEARLY about ethics?
If a yearly reminder is required, OUGHT they to BE therapists to begin with?

Yeah, well, new year, new issues and ethics (they apparently alter with time--this is probably a good thing!!) I'm still left with some simplistic belief that what's 'right' is 'right'--be that ten years ago or today. We can all justify wrong things if we allow ourselves that luxury, eh?

Did I really need to fork over $60 for information that's truly not NEW, at least not to those who have a grain of common sense and a calling to help others find answers instead of creating a reliance to feed some malnurished ego!? Only if the other two things aren't in existence, me thinks. And there's a part of me that STILL enjoys a good clinical read.

On the other hand, I did grab a copy of Lovely Bones--which I'm looking forward to reading and bawling over.
*grimacing*
Okay, I'm looking forward to reading it......the bawling part I could do without.
I might bawl over the clinical book.
Only cuz there's really nothing new under the sun that I've discovered.
It's got a pretty cover though!

*sigh*
I'm almost done with it--and I'm looking forward to passing it off to some greenhorn therapist to read. I figure I'll tell 'em how new and innovative it is.
Therapists like 'new and innovative'!

I know this because I shoved an RET book into a therapist's box today after she proclaimed a brand new therapy (REBT). I tried like the dickens to convince her that Ellis landed that idea in the 50's and there was nothing new under the sun on that one. I couldn't convince her because she was 'right' and thought attending a training on 'REBT' OUGHT to in her future. It might be--however she'll be toting that RET book with her. LOL Geeze, you add a 'B' to it and/or slap some new person's name next to the letters and voile'...it's something new under the sun.
Hardly.
But then neither is this book on ethics.

Okay, okay......so I'm a dweeb and if I open a book, it's getting read til the closing.

At least it's got a pretty cover?

Rain....

Plink, plink, plink.....

I love the sound as it hits the leaves right outside the study window.
Add the gentle windchime song........

*happy sigh*
Perfection.

Ire and the Brit.......

Oh, to be this kinda 'fed up'! I like this better than the kind we're experiencing around this house at the moment.

I don't know what to do when he gets mad. Never have. It's always been an unnerving position to find myself in. I just don't know what to do with it, even though we've talked it and talked it.

And I came home to a mad Brit....not that he'd call himself 'mad'--he labled it 'fed up'....hence the Maxine moment. (that and I could use a laugh about now)

It's nothing I'd personally get mad over. It's nothing he'd personally get mad with me over if it was me doing the lame things that are pissing him off. That's generally my line of attack--I ask if he'd be angry with me if I'd done the same thing that he's angry with himself about. The answer is always 'no'.
However, that doesn't stop him from acting angry--even if the anger is self directed. *I* sure feel it....

I'm no good at this silent jazz. I'd almost think it was 'better' if he was carrying on a bit--but then when it gets misplaced onto the neighbor who's having friends over for a barbeque and they have their music a bit loud ("What's wrong with these inconsiderate people!") and he tells me he's 'fed up' and about to have a word with them....I'm at a loss.

I mean, they're having a barbeque and they're younger folks--they're simply having a fun moment in time. Nothing I'd personally get riled over--even if it went to 11pm. It's 6:30 in the evening. It's not as if they do it every day and it's certainly not worth my serenity.
His was up for grabs prior to the loud(ish) music--they were just going to get the brunt of it cuz they're a target outside of him that he can blast away at and feel 'better' about somehow.
(geeze, this sounds vaguely familiar!)

My answer has been to get outta his way. I ask if there's something I can do/say to help him wade through what's going on--the answer is always 'nope'.
Once in a while I try to bring perspective--and get questioned if I'm 'okay' with the blaring music--we don't blare music and infringe upon other's quiet life...or if I'm 'okay' with the inconsiderate drivers of the world, or, or, or.......

My response? "You don't know what's going on in the life of that human being--maybe they're in dire need of a distraction, maybe they're racing somewhere because they've a sick child...."

Oh Mel, SHUT UP! LOL

He's not looking for empathy with the rest of the world, he's looking for empathy for himself and it's a setup from the word getgo....hence the sane technique of getting the heck outta his way.
However, that solves nothing.
And he remains angry with him--and the intolerant of the rest of the human race, cuz therein lies a target he can shoot at.

It ain't about them.
It's all about him.
And so far my answer is to get the heck outta his way and let him run his course....until the next time.....where we do the same dance over again.....

The good news is--it's infrequent.
The bad news is--we still do that dance.
And I don't LIKE to dance........

QOTW 6/4 (yes, early!)

Who is the one person in you life you feel safe telling your secrets to? Why?

One would think I'd say the Brit. And I do feel 'safe' telling him my secrets--as long as they don't/can't be interpretted as saying something about him. He personalizes wayyyyy lots. I don't recall EVER personalizing like this man does.

I'm gonna haffta go for wisepersoninmylife, though. He's detached from all this enough to be partial and yet sensitive--or insensitive, whatever the occasion calls for! LOL
I've yet to give up anything that he's decided is about him compliments of some screwed up way of thinking. NOT that wisepersoninmylife can't have screwed up thinking!

I'm thinking he reserves that for the wisepersoninHISlife.

Sunday washings

I was thinkin' I was weird--we now have confirmation on that.

I washed the house.
Yes--the outside of the house.
No, it wasn't a simple matter of spraying it off with a hose.
Yes, I'm weird.

I'm also a tad sunburnt.
Ask me if I care! LOL

The girl came to pick up the Powerbook while I was diligently washing away.
I'm not so sure the Brit wasn't rolling his eyes, egging the child on...he thought I was weird, too.

"Mom......are you washing the house?"

Yup.

"Weird.... Ummmm.....mom--it's a HOUSE!"

It's dirty.

"MOM--it's a HOUSE."

Yup.

"It's a HOUSE mom--"

It's a grungy little yellow house on the corner.

"With a weird mom that lives inside!"

Want weird? There's a Powerbook on the kitchen table.

"MOM! It's a HOUSE."

Powerbook's on the kitchen table, dearheart.

"MOM! Stop being wierd. It's a HOUSE."

(she apparently didn't think I recognized that it was a house?)

I put the bucket down only cuz I didn't think she was understanding that the Powerbook was on the kitchen table. Well, that and I was tired and wanted a break....and she was getting kinda insistent about how weird I was for washing the house.
She even threatened to confiscate the bucket and sponge.....and then she threatened to lock ME up. It went from housewashing being weird to ME being weird.
If I didn't know better, I'da thought the Brit tipped her twenty bucks to harass me so he could enjoy this lovely sunny Sunday void of house washing.

What's so weird about washing the outside of the house anyway?!?!

We had a lovely visit....complete with suntea on the back patio where I was able to secretly admire that I had a clean house.

She left with a powerbook and I resumed the house washing.
Truth be told: I STILL don't know what's so weird about washing a house.

It's clean!
Maybe it's a generational thingy on her part.

Maybe I oughta check the Brit's wallet first to see if that twenty is missing, huh?

My Pressie!!

I got a pressie!

For practical purposes, since himself has a playful distain for anything 'French' (make that hacking noise followed by the spitting noise if you like.....*rolling eyes*), we're calling this by another name--we just haven't named it yet.

Rest assured it will have a name, I name everything.
Yes, I'm weird.

I'm thinkin' we'll call it 'Nanette'--as in "NO NO, Nanette!!"

Or maybe 'Will', as in "Danger, Danger Will Robinson".

The coffee coming out of it is dang good, though!
There's only one problem---it's my pressie but I think I've been banned from using it.....

Don't get me wrong--I was thrilled! (anything connected with coffee is a sure deal--I consume a whole LOT of it)
Himself was teaching me how to actually make the coffee.

PROBLEM!
First of all, it's a 'heaping scoop and a half'.
Okay, in my book that's equal to two scoops.
"Heaping and a half"
Right..........got it!

Second, you can't immediately put the boiled water in the thing--you have to 'swish it a bit to get the boil off'.
What the heck does THAT mean?!
Apparently it means I get to swish the water around in the kettle BEFORE I pour it into the press thingy.

Can I mention the major error they made by not putting a line ON the glass for how much water you put in it.
There's no line.........how're ya suppose to KNOW?
I figured I'd measure with my finger.

"STOP!"
(sheeeeeeeeeeeshhhhh!)
Apparently the glass is super hot even though you've 'swished it a bit to get the boil off'.
Fine......don't TOUCH to measure how much water....you're suppose to 'know'.
I suggested a magic marker dot/line/mark.
This is when he started to wonder if they made child proof presses.

Then stir-- I volunteered for that one! I LOVE to stir. I get gloppy rice ALLTHETIME cuz I must stir! So I grabbed a spoon and got another one of those "STOP!" thingies.
Must stir with plastic or wood.........it's glass you know.
I knew that! I was just testing him with that metal spoon deal.

I was excited when it came to putting the lid thingy on.
But he just set it on the top and told me "Now we wait three minutes or so".

Okay then! Where's the timer, buzzery thingy?!
There isn't one--he's just going to 'know' when three minutes has passed.
"Righhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhtttttt.....
This is how I start fires in this house......
MUST have buzzery thingies that I won't ignore."

He finally did set the stove timer--I'm thinkin' more for my entertainment than for anything else. He wasn't even LOOKING at the clock when he came back in the kitchen to finish my lesson on coffee making. I, on the other hand was intently watching the press thingy, waiting for the buzzer.

"Right then--this is the important part....." (Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!) (I was too busy watching for the important part to be bothered with the buzzery timery thingy--he turned it off)

COFFEE is the important part--but okay, I'm paying attention here!

I watched the mock demonstration carefully. (he SAID it was important!)

I was suppose to place my hand on the knobby thingy and let the weight of my hand slowwwwwwwwly push the lid whozit down.

I musta got that shiny glint going in my eyes or something--cuz when I brought my hand over to the press thingie's knobby thing I got a

"STOP!!!"
Accompanied by a suspicious look, followed by an actual demonstration of how TO do it.

Okay then!
WE have COFFEE!

It's muddy lookin' and it's got foamy stuff on the top....cool!!

I was JUST gonna see what happened if you pulled the knobby thing up when I got another

"STOP!!!!!!!!!!"





It does make Supreme coffee! LOL
Okay, so maybe I'll name it Diana Ross. ;-)

Neighbors!!

The Brit tells me I'm 'nuckin' futz'. LOL Ya know he might well have a point.
And nope, there's no point to the photo except I liked it. :-P

Soooooooo.....
We were dining and conversing--all about how the neighborhood has changed in just the few years he's been here.
There's the 'working to be an alcoholic' behind us who's married to a nice woman--we visit in the yard and it's a race to see who gets their holiday lights out first. Can't say I much care for the husband--he's a piece of work who's mean to his kiddos. I'm thinkin' that's why I don't much care for the man's company.
Then there's Jim--I steal his apples on an ongoing basis. He's awesome and just a good fella. His wife is too cute--she's the typical grandmotherly type and dotes on the grandkids quite well.
There's that new family across the street--three kiddos and a host of people. I'm not sure who's who over there. There's comings and goings all the time.
And there's the folks where Leroy used to be--I don't even know who all is there nowadays. Seems there's someone moving in and out of that house on a regular basis.....and last I counted there was six dogs. I don't care for the language the kiddos (grown, or so they'd like to think) use. I don't much like how they treat each other or their animals.

I don't know much about the folks kitty-corner from us. I know they're almost invisible.
Then there's the 66 year old gal who JUST got married a few short weeks ago..I hear she'll be moving in with her new husband. I hardly knew there was anyone living in the house, 'cept for the occasional wave if the gal was outside. But I'm tickled for the both of them--that's just too cool.....she's never been married so I'm hoping for her to have the greatest experience ever! The house will undoubtedly, however, go up for sale.
And then there's the new gal who moved into the house across from us in the back. Nice gal--pretty quiet until the weekend rolls around. Then there's traffic coming and going.
It's just gotten---busy.
We've to a lot of neighbors...and suddenly a lot of activity and much more noise.

As we talked about the change in the neighborhood and sat there kinda feeling sorry for ourselves for the changes I had to chuckle and ask "ya suppose they ever talk about the folks in the little yellow house on the corner?".

Uh huh--and undoubtedly they'd find us to appear pretty 'nucking futz'.
"Oh, you know--that couple on the corner who put out lights every holiday of the year, the lady who's married to the funny talking guy--ya know, the woman who puts out a gazillion flowers and half a gazillion bird feeders and then screams at the birds for eating the food?" was what himself came up with.

I told him it was more like "the one who's married to the funny talking guy--you know, the one married to the lady who has a whole host of men she's entertaining even while he's at HOME?!".

"HI Woody!"
"Hello, Harry!"
"Whatcha doing Mikey?"
"C'mere Seymore.....you're just too cute.....c'mere!"
"Hey, Dude!!"
*chuckling*
Yep, I'm betting we have people guessing.....LOL

I mean, how're they suppose to see who/what I'm greeting back there outta sight, anyway?!
*chuckling*

BOY could I have fun with that one!
And I did have fun with that one--which earned me the 'nuckin' futz' award from himself.



But then I got to thinkin'......
What if they're NOT talking about us?!

*sniffle*

Soooooooo.....I've now concluded I need to work HARDER to give 'em something TO talk about!
*nodding*

Yeah, yeah.......nuckin' futz......LOLOL