:-) Happy Mel (-:

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HOLY moly..... 201

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

Happy Mel. :-)

Happy Halloween!!

Today's Thought

Let love touch you and heal you. Let love lift you and inspire you.
Let love ease your worries and calm your fears. Let love give you a reason to persist.

Let love fill you with courage and confidence and positive purpose. Let love fill you with peace.

Yup--train time!

Ain't he cute?

k....she!

The grounds were closed and we were sad but we went to take photos just the same.

And then the volunteers who were working on some of the narrow guage trains kidnapped us for five hours.
*laughing* It's not my fault!

Ohhhh....

We rode trains!

Ohhhh....and we saw a Shay!!
(Darn it that it was in the train shop getting fixed and wasn't running. Oh dear, we'll have to go back... We were invited back, even!)
Definitely going back.

*laughing*

...like when they're 'officially' open, maybe.

Leaf Soup

It's been icky out...windy, cold--rain every once in a while.....
The sunsets have been fantastic--only wish I'da thought to get in the Jeep and go capture some of 'em. But it's been too icky for standing in the middle of nothingness.

What am I saying?!

I'm saying it's Saturday and it's time to get in the Jeep and go.
One can stand being still just so long...and I've reached my quota.

Next week will be a son of a gun. I've got to find a snazzy dress for the big 'party' which himself informed me he will not be attending. He's afraid he'll punch someone in the face. I'm afraid for that myself.
Heck, I'm afraid I won't be able to pull it off and I'll have a meltdown.
Sometimes having information no one else has is a heaviness that is unbearable.
I gotta bear it....it's just what I get to do.

But today's a 'free day'..a new day. Sunrise was gorgeous and I itched to capture pieces of it. I didn't...I just sat with my blankie on the patio and had coffee. That was a good thing. The nuthatch dude woulda got lost in the quest for a capture of colour. So it's good.

Himself will stuff me in the Jeep and we'll go on an adventure.
Which means I get to pack up some treats in the cooler, round up some batteries and paste on a smile. It won't be difficult....adventures make me happy, no matter the destination. I always find something fun--or create it.

It's time to create!

Today's Fairy Reading

I will let go of some of my protective devices and risk being vulnerable - even though I may have been taught differently, even though I may have taught myself differently. I will disclose who I am in a way that reflects self-responsibility, self-love, directness, and honesty.

God, help me let go of my fears about disclosing who I am to people. Help me accept who I am, and help me let go of my need to be who people want me to be.

Halloween Spirit

Huggin' the spider.

Pettin' the punkins.

Wavin'....

Yup.....she's a keeper.

T-minus 28 hours and counting!

That's ghostie love.
And she waved and greeted 'em every time she passed by 'em.

Not to mention she hugged Studley and kissed him.....and straightened his little spidery legs....
AND petted the punkin gang.

I miss the little bug--but she's having a grand time in Texas I hear. And she has her little fairy outfit for the Renissance Fair she'll be attending. Yes--I was promised photos.
And yes--she got her trick or treats before she took off....and has a wee treat bag for every day this week (and don't think she's forgotten!) and a big treat bag for Halloween night! Dang that she won't be here....but.....

In the meantime--Studley, ghostie guys and the punkin gang are reassembled outside (himself took 'em all inside for three days straight while we battled 60mph winds--thankyouthankyouthankyou!)....the lights are on and the treat bags are filled and ready!

Tomorrow we'll carve punkins! Wooooohoooooo!!!!!

And Sunday.... TRICK OR TREAT!!!!! :-D

k.... I might be a bit excited.
:-/

*laughing*

You can see us four blocks away!

A gift

Choices....

So.



The fairies are alive and well cuz of my choices this morning----so let's evaluate some of the choices of the week:

Chose to toss one of the reading fairy books into the shower = Wet fairy book. (it's drying out--just the edges got damp.....sheeeeshhhh)

Chose to take toys to a meeting = Irritated co-coworkers. (their issue, not mine...they coulda brought toys, they were just envious!)

Chose to pull Studley in during the 60mph winds = Sad Studley. (better that than having to go to Illinois to retrieve him?)

Chose to make potato soup for dinner last night = Irritated Brit. (seems he doesn't believe soup to be an 'evening meal'.....whatever!)

Chose to not go to a meeting cuz of the high winds = HA--they cancelled the meeting anyway. No loss and all good results from that choice! I got to stay at the unit and opted to play with the kiddos instead of doing stupid paperwork that I'm behind in to begin with.....k.... = Still behind in paperwork. (......rawr.....)

Chose to not take the stupid car in to fix the stupid oil leak issue = Huh. Oil on the garage floor. (gives himself something to fuss about--he likes to fuss.) Aren't I just too helpful!

Chose to not say some things to people who were working hard to piss me off = ......better luck next time, Charlie? k....mighta been guessin' at their motives. I still didn't get piffy with 'em! That counts for something, right? (yeahyeahyeah....I probably suck at reading their minds and am just personalizing and MAKING it all about mememe.....*sigh*)

Choosing to wear slacks and stay at the unit again today = Getting all goopy and gunky and carving punkins with the kiddos! Woooooohooooo!!!! = STILL behind in paperwork = jack-o-lanterns = working from home this weekend = choosing to ignore that = STILL behind in paperwork = irritated people cuz they need to do their job which is connected to Mel doing her job = complaints to the boss = ANOTHER stupid meeting = ..........TOYS!

See.
Ain't all bad!

Ohhhhh.....thank you for making today a Friday!!!! (Amen.)

TFTD

In the next few hours, or in the next few moments, anything can happen. It may be what you planned or it may be a total surprise.

Yet whatever may happen, you can choose what to do about it. Though you are subject to many powerful forces and influences, you can choose the way you deal with them.

The life you live is a matter of choice. Choose wisely, and live richly.

Zagged

Sun's up--new day

I have a bazillion tasks in front of me....a stupid meeting or two to attend/avoid.

Personally, I'd like to kick the little fairy's azz.

I'm thinking 'in the bathtub with the door closed' is a great place for the fairy reading book this morning.

With any luck himself will turn on the shower without a look to see what's in the bathtub--and that'll take care of ONE issue with little effort on my part.

*going to get more coffee*

Today's Thought

You may be tired, or discouraged, or frustrated, or uncomfortable. No matter what, your best option is to move positively forward.
Hanging on to past disappointments will only hold you back. Taking comfort in being a victim gives you no real comfort at all.

Staying safe by never venturing out, by never taking risks, is the riskiest thing you can do. Because it guarantees that you won't get anything accomplished.

It takes effort to move forward, as well as courage and determination. Fortunately, you are filled with courage and determination, and you are able to make whatever effort you choose.

Yes, you may feel some fear and trepidation, yet courage is not the lack of fear. Your courage gives you the ability to feel your fear, to listen to what it has to say, to allow it to prepare you, and to move ahead.

Out of the head and into black and white.

Okay.
I think he might be right.

I made a point to let the boss know, after a failed attempt to ask questions of him (mostly cuz I couldn't without turning into a sobbing, messy heap) that I wasn't mad at him.
He told me it was okay--and that he thought I might be mad, thinking there was something he could do/say to stop what was happening.


I told him I'd think about that one.

I have.
I think he might be right.

I think there's some part of me that believed that he could stop this.
"It's going to happen. I need you to come to terms with that."

Even putting that in black and white starts to rattle my world.

I quickly move--cuz I don't like what that personally means to ME.... so I run straight to how freaking selfish that is.....and immediately turn towards the lives of the people around me that will be affected.
And it all gets overwhelming. Disasterously and devastingly overwhelming.....

It's going to happen.


If I'm angry thinking there was something he could do or say to stop all of this from happening--I can only imagine how that'll be for every one of those people whose worlds will go upside down....right along with mine...if they even recognize that 'as goes theirs, so goes mine....'
Yeah--I doubt that'll be recognized.
I'll be bringing devastation into their lives.

My whole world and every relationship in it--is going to change.

Yup--I'm angry with him.


There's a great preview of how it's going to be when I'm in his position.


It ain't gonna be pretty.
NONE of this is going to be pretty.

Wrap my head around it--come to terms with it......

I haven't managed that yet.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to manage that.
So far I ain't doing that hot with it.
And I'm running out of time. I know that.......


There are times that I well and truly wish I'd NEVER caught on to this 'compassion' jazz--where I'd just remained that cold, emotionally removed, 'OH well....sucks to be YOU' thinkin'/dealin' kinda gal.

I think this is one of those times......

Four more days!!!!!! :-)

Fairy Reminder

This is already a wonderful day. Expect it to get even better.

Things that make me happy

....the oak trees turning. Ohmygosh they're gorgeous....

....singing along as I drive. (seems to help 'check' the attitude dontchaknow)

....the Toys-R-Us catelog....whoa... :-)

....absence of the television being on in my presence.

....the neighbor's ghostie windsock thingy. :-)

....FIVE DAYS til Trick or Treat!
*doing happy dance!!!!*

Red October

*humming*

TFTD

Little by little, we learn to take the risk of revealing ourselves. We disclose the real person within to others. We pick safe people, and we begin to disclose bits and pieces about ourselves.

Sometimes, out of fear, we may withhold, thinking that will help the relationship or will help others like us more. That is an illusion. Withholding who we are does not help the other person, the relationship, or us. Withholding is behavior that backfires. For true intimacy and closeness to exist, for us to love ourselves and be content in a relationship, we need to disclose who we are.

And the answer is......

He skirted my question twice.
And then he just plain skipped over me when I frowned and raised my hand to re-ask in quest of an answer.

I forgave him for that.
I don't know the motive--I'll believe there was a reason to avoid an answer.
Maybe there was no answer to give.

But he found me later.
And he nodded at the MEAN PEOPLE SUCK button and spoke quietly:


Yes they do.
But you know....they are sad and pitiful inside.

Yep. That really IS the pin for the day.

Yup...it's Monday!

It's cloudy.
It's rainy.
The wind is suppose to be picking up and has earned us a 'warning'.

I'm going to go to a meeting....followed by another meeting.

The highlight of my weekend was the bug--and I only got an hour and a bit, which is better than nothin'. Oh--and I managed to pack up some treasures that were cluttering up the shelves in the bedroom.
Which led to interesting questions.

I just wanted more room and less clutter.
But it does work in my better interest.

*sigh*
Right.
Stupid meeting followed by an even stupider meeting.

I'm taking a toy.
Ain't nobody stopping me!!!!!!

Just sayin'....

Fairy Diddy

I am charged with only one responsibility today: to love someone, dearly and wholly.

Bon Voyage Wee One!

There's something really endearing about the happy screamed greeting of "NANA, NANA!!". Maybe it's the wigglin' fingers so she can be lifted--which she was.
And she promptly toddled off into the kitchen to return with a can of Diet Dr. Pepper. *laughing* Not that I drink it--but it was a loving, giving jesture, none the less.

And then.....she found mama's suitcase. Ya know the girl just managed to unpack--and now she's going to pack again...off to a wedding in Texas. *sigh* With the bug....who is flower girl dontchaknow... And they won't be back until after Halloween. :-(

So I didn't apologize for enticing the bug to g'head and play in mama's suitcase.
HA.

*snickering*

I did wish the girl 'happy packing!' before I hugged her and wished her a safe journey. LOL

Seasoned

Fairy Dust

If all the best-laid plans go wrong, maybe we are meant to learn that such important things aren't so important, after all.

If the skies are custard pies waiting to plop down on our hopeful faces, maybe it is best to accept the gift, count it a blessing, and lick our chops.

Things that make me happy

(bit late....but since I got a gentle 'nudge'......)

....wading through crunching leafs.

....hillsides in full colour.

....the singing punkin pillow! :-)

....ducky pencil toppers to play with during stupid boring dumb meetings.

....coffee in my jack-o-lantern mug!

....crispy homemade french fries. Nummm!!

....150 bagged treats all ready to go....with toys no less! Wooohoooo!!!

A bit of the wander

Reminder from the fairy....

William Shakespeare referred to envy as the "green sickness." There are only losers in the game of envy. When we envy someone else, we have judged ourselves and found something lacking.

Lack of self-love is the soil in which envy grows. Envious people are never satisfied. Self-pity is never sitting far from envy. We feel sorry for ourselves for what we don't have. Self-pity is like a swamp, the longer we stand in the muck, the more we stink.

Concentrating on what we do have is the perfect antidote for envy. Every one of us has our own special gifts and talents. We find these by looking at ourselves instead of looking at others. By becoming grateful for what we have, we can rejoice in ourselves.

Today let me be grateful for what I have.

Focus shift!!!!!!!

Thinkin' I'll try this with my punkin this year.....

Seriously....might!!!!

De Ja Vu

He gets upset and worried when I don't tell him what's happening--
And he gets mad that asking me upsets me so much that I'm reduced to tears.

Sounds like a lose/lose proposition to me....mostly cuz it is. Don't bring it up--he gets worried and wierded out. Bring it up--I get upset and he gets mad that he's upset me.

Yup.
Pretty much lose/lose...

But I got the rest of the fresh mushrooms as a consolation/peace-keeping prize.
So it ain't all bad, right?

Why does this feel so familiar?
Cuz I've been here/done this...
I felt compelled to keep my mouth shut and deal in the facts 'Jack' when it was leukemia and people around me were going to worry/be upset. I got to help 'em feel 'okay', or at least 'okay-ER' about it because I had myself emotionally 'in order' and I wasn't falling apart mid-sentence and adding to the emotional mess they were experiencing....and here I am doing it again.
Nope--it's not leukemia....but it's that same 'pull' in me to 'make it easier' for the people around me by having my own poop in a group....

I need to get it in a group FASTER than it's happening....cuz this is NOT working......

But the fresh mushrooms are great!
Just sayin'.....

Pin for the day

A touch of sun

Today's Fairy Reminder

We can let ourselves go a little now and then. We can loosen up a bit. We don't have to be so stiff and rigid, so frightened about being who we are. Take some risks. Then, take another risk. Pick out a movie and then call a friend and invite him or her to go along. If that person says no, try someone else, or try again another time.

Decide to try something, and then go through with it. Go once. Go twice. Practice having fun until fun becomes fun.

Today, I will do something just for fun. I will practice having fun until I actually enjoy it.

I need today to end.......

Cuz this was a horrid day.....

The only way I was able to contribute in the stupid meeting when I was called upon was to give my 'business' opinion.
And when the meeting ended and the boss asked for some of my time--I warned him that I was going to have to be 'hostile' just to make it out of the building with a bit of dignity and grace.

Yup--hostile was the way I chose to go. It's a familiar route--I get hostile and I spare myself the indignation of emotionally losing control and mutating into some blubbering, sobbing mess.

The good news is I was upfront about what I was doing, why I was doing it and that it wasn't a personal affront to him. He could talk weather, the stupid Hawkeyes....whatever he wanted to--but we weren't talking anything of substance.
And we didn't.

I did get out of the building with a bit of dignity--no bawling, sobbing, heaping mess....but there was not much grace.

Hostility worked.
I'll be cleaning up the mess I created from it tomorrow when the boss calls me.
That's IF he calls me.

"I wouldn't if I were you." were my parting words to him.
Yup--more hostility.


I am not being a big girl about all this jazz.
I had to move myself into a semi-hostile frame of mind before I even put my fingers to the keyboard......


I'm afraid it'll carry past the last period on this page.

Better to just end the day.
That'll be my answer for this moment.....

Thought for the Day

To desire personal happiness is normal and healthy. Most of our plans, choices, and dreams about the present and future regarding jobs, relationships, and hoped-for achievements are geared to make us happy. It's never wrong to want happiness; however, to receive it at someone else's expense or to selfishly steal it from another will result in sorrow. And our greatest happiness will visit us when we least expect it - when we are attentively seeing to another's happiness.

150 bags to go!

Fairy Thought

Our ideals, the principles that order our lives, are essential to a healing life. Some of us have lived a pattern in which we did not know what we believed. If someone we liked stated a viewpoint, we might wear it for a while like a new shirt - but with no personal commitment. Others of us have indulged in negativism and hopelessness. Life is more fulfilling when we assert our beliefs and give ourselves to them. As human beings, we are unable to perfectly live out our beliefs, but we become whole and stronger by giving our energies to the attempt.

Unfolding Glory

I know.......

I know I'm suppose to 'trust' that all will be well.

But I hear things and I hang on to the stupidest stuff.
And I don't ask questions.
Leastwise I've not asked the question.
It sounds selfish to ask when we're talking about the lives of countless people....and all the lives that will be affected.

Is it selfish to ask 'what about me?'.
Feels selfish.
Feels selfish--and I'm scared to ask for fear of the answer.

No one is indispensible.
I know that.

I don't do this worth a darn.
And I'll need to ask the question.

Dignity and grace....I seem to have lost it......
Feels like it's lost.
Or maybe I just let go of it?
It's that fear jazz.
I don't do fear worth a tinker's darn........

Today's Reading

If we don't like our own company, we will try to hide our real selves. The more we hide, the further we are running from wholeness and health. We can assess ourselves, calmly and lovingly, so that we can keep on becoming the person we want to be. The more congruent are our behavior and our beliefs, the more we belong to ourselves. The better we like ourselves, the better friends we can be.

Sheltered greens

TFTD

Think of the most difficult challenge you currently face. Now imagine that it's not you, but someone else who is going through that challenge.
What advice would you give that person? If you could step back and look at your situation as an objective observer, would you look at it any differently?

Think of the advice you would give another person if that person were in your exact same situation. Are you yourself following that advice right now?

When you're the one who is facing a challenge, you can be so close to it that your judgment is distorted. So imagine stepping back, away from the worry and anxiety.

Look at your situation calmly and objectively, putting it into the vast and valuable perspective of your entire life experience. Don't allow the problem to cloud your thinking just because you're the person who is experiencing it.

Give yourself the benefit of a little distance. And give yourself some great advice.

Consolation

The Leaf Maestro

We didn't even make it out of town before she crashed in her little car seat.
Mighta had something to do with running like crazy from leaf pile to spider to ghosties to punkin gang and back....up down up down--she likes those stairs.

I hated to see her go--and once again the house is too quiet.
The other other boy was glad to see her--he missed 'tucking in my monster'. LOL She is that, I suppose...we saw a piece of that. Grandad just walked over her and I soooooo tried not to laugh.

'She's a bit ratty.'

Awwwwwww....she was just tired and wanted her wubbie.

But she says 'NANA' clear as day--and 'bu....ck'. And she even has that 'dad doh' mastered.

Oh--and she ceased being 'ratty' just as soon as she took her little tear stained face over to crawl into 'dad dohs' lap, wubbie in hand.

'Poor thing is worn out.'

*laughing*

Yup..he's smittened.

Me too!

*sigh*

I miss her already.......

Seeded

Oh....and the afternoon corn maze!

After petting sheep, ponies and a donkey or two she ran off towards the corn maze.

And she was doing GREAT......

k.....well, mostly great. I mean, afterall--she's not even a year and a half yet.
And there WERE chickens......lots of 'em.....

She did well, faithfully walking/skipping/jumping/leaping along with grandad--stopping every 20 feet or so to pick up something on the path....
Uh huh......and then she spied the parked green Radio Flyer.

'Dad doh' was kind enough to do the pulling.

......I had things to investigate along the path, dontchaknow.

The good news is they made a lot of noise, those two. LOL