Reminder to self:

Do NOT attempt to do 'jumbles' on a fuzzy Thursday morning.

Captured Memory

Today's thought from the reading fairies......

Stop trying so hard to control things.

It is not our job to control people, outcomes, circumstances, and life.

Maybe in the past we couldn't trust and let things happen.

But we can now.

The way life is unfolding is good.

Let it unfold.

Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be more.

Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.

Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Ease up on ourselves.

Let go.

Stop trying so hard.

P.S. ---

This post oughtn't to be happening cuz I've done my handfull and will undoubtedly awaken in a muddled state......but........BUT......


........I had to.
From BED even.

<--is experiencing the joy of 'bed-blogging'.

(not sure how joyful it is.....LOL....but there you have it!)

The Best of Intentions=Strawberry Swirl

So I'm really, really, REALLY not a happy bunny.

I came home soaked to my eyeballs last night......at near 11pm.
It was my latenight with the kiddos.....a night I cherish dearly cuz I get to play with them all night long!

And last night....I was playing in the shower.
Well, not exactly 'playing'.

I was 'playing' with a kiddo who is all of 16 years old, has a full scale IQ of 77 and is just cute as a bug's ear.
She came to us as a hateful, aggressive kiddo who simply wouldn't manage herself out in the community.....fight after fight after fight....and a history of 'using' longer than my arm. Needless to say....We were prepared to handle a whole lot of aggression from the kiddo.
That's never materialized.

One only needs to take a look at her to realize she's a Fetal Alcohol Syndrome kiddo. And with her IQ so affected, her answer to coping with the taunting and teasing was to put up her fists. Better to way-lay someone--and spare yourself the putdowns and chastisizing.

We treated her as a FAS child--and gosh golly.......absolutely no aggression from her whatsoever.

And that's why I was in the shower with her last evening.
That and 'the best of intention' folks decided to help her with her hair.....which she'd had woven and braided for six months.....which she'd not washed the entire time it had been woven and braided.......which is just a reflection of her IQ and her overall level of functioning.

So--the braids/weave got taken out, the head got scrubbed (all fine and dandy.....had to be done!) by a 'friend of a staff member who's a haircare professional'.
And then, that 'friend of a staff member who's a haircare professional' decided, on top of all that---to give put chemicals in her hair to straighten her hair.
And this was now four days ago.

Last night she told me her head was 'tight'.
So last night I opted to put my fingers in her hair and massage her poor little head--TRYing to stimulate the scalp cuz I BET it was hurtin'....and as I worked my way down from the crown......
"It's crunchy down there, Ms. Mel....."

.....oh boy was she wrong......
OH boy did those well intended folks totally mess up that kiddo's head......
Chemical burns--which she decided it would be impolite to mention, let alone complain about (cuz those well intended folks came to help her)--had oozed and dried and cemented her hair to her head. She wasn't even close to being right. It wasn't 'crunchy'. It was cemented to her head and she couldn't move her head without it hurting her.

For an hour, with her in the swimsuit with a t-shirt atop, she sat patiently whilest I let the shower spray her hair, softening it up to free the hair from her scalp--which revealed the chemical burns and their subsequent attempts at healing, which resulted in the cemented hair.

I bought time.
I joked with her and she joked back.
We giggled and got wet together--and BOY did I get wet....LOL

And then, when it was all said and done, I pulled aside the supervisor who was working with me last night and said very quietly.....very privately.....

"If those well intended folks offer to come back again........you thank them ever so much and you tell them whatever you need to tell them to KEEP THEM THE HELL AWAY FROM MY KIDDOS!"

And I meant it.

Himself asked about my watersoaked self when I finally managed to get home last night.

"I played in water!"

Right.

"And I'll get to play in water again today!"

Right.

I did tell him that I didn't kill anyone.......yet......
He suggested ice cream for the young woman.

I'll be picking up a half gallon on the way to the office this morning....."strawberry swirl, please", she told the nightstaff when I called in to ask.

Captured Memory

Wednesday's Whine...........

• I do not like meats. I ought not be made to EAT meats. I'm a big person now.....I DO NOT LIKE MEATS!!!!!!
• Earwigs are icky things that ought not be on the planet. Yes, I'll be taking that to the Big Guy to see if we can get on the same page!
• The BEST IF SOLD BY date is NOT the expiration date! Oy.......
• What IS the point in keeping the bazillion plastic bags the groceries come in?! Oh, I know! We keep 'em so that when I need ONE, two dozen come to keep it company! *rolling eyes*
• Ummmm......when one asks 'where's the cellphone charger' one must ask for which of the THREE CELL PHONES in this household! OMG.......THREE!!!!!
• OTHER people don't haffta drink antioxidant water with vitamins and electrolytes.....day after day after day.......after day.........after day.......
• Whyfore do I haffta have a license plate on the front of the car?! Who says?! But I LIKE the little Cruiser without the plate........*sniffle* Ohhhhhhh.....they're gonna put HOLES in the little Cruiser!!!!!
• k....do they REALLY haffta put holes in the Cruiser? Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh..... :-(
• And what'supwith all the water grass growing faster than the other grass and makin' the yard look all kindsa scruffy?! I say we rip out the other grass....the water grass is a prettier shade of green! :-)
  

Ohhhhhhhh what a wise fairy this morning.....

Struggle is not a specific condition or action.

It is a label that casts a negative spin on your efforts and unnecessarily puts you at a disadvantage.

Reminder to self:

"It's not 'old behavior' if YOU'RE STILL DOING IT........"

*sigh*

A bit from the reading fairy

Stop thinking only in terms of what you have done.

Think in terms of what you desire, what you can imagine, and what you can dream.
Think in terms of your purpose.

Captured Memory

Things that make me happy

....tan lines! :-)

....finding an 'emergency' bottle of bubbles under the kitchen sink.

....finding a surprise sticky note on the laptop when you open it up.

....getting a care package in the mail.

....grilled veggies.

....stuffed bears with character.

....freeing my toes from the evil shoes.

Another cuppa coffee.......

Two different kinds of squash, mushrooms and meats from the grill. That's what was plonked down for dinner.

Who'da thunk it would pleased me to no end.

.....k.....well, that's cuz I mostly passed on the meats...ick....

Yup....

It was a great dinner. ('specially cuz I wasn't forced to indulge in 'protein'....thinkin' that was the company that was being kept, actually... I really, really, REALLY am not fond of meats--!)

And the conversation that ensued, thereafter...not totally bad either!

I always feel more centered in what's good and true when I get to spend some time with WPIML....dunno how that works, I just know it does for me.

A good cuppa coffee and a lovely 'catch up' (and while you're at it PLEASE take my inventory and point me in the right direction--just don't make me make it look like I might actually WANT you to do that, k?....)--it's always good for me to get 'jacked up' and 'challenged'.

I get complacent---and I get lazy and cocky and....kinda bored (?) if it's just me that I'm listening to.

Oh yeah.....and I lie to myself. LOL

(there's a tidbit I best put into black and white and not forget!)


It starts simple enough when I'm in WPIML's company...and pretty soon, cuz I'm sooooo relaxed and soooooo complacent and sooooooo cocky--I'm laying myself open to being challenged just by opening my mouth. LOL MORE reasons to have marshmallows handy IF you don't want busted out.

I........really DO want 'busted out'.
Fact is, if he's not catching on--I'm quick to call him 'blind and deaf', repeat the stupidity and give him permission TO go there and tell me what's what.
Sometimes I have a hard time letting it LOOK like I want him to do that.....cuz......it looks... needy?! .....ick.

*sigh*

I guess I shouldn't have been surprised when the question was put to me.

"How ya doing at letting things look as they ARE?"

Oh shoot.......busted.
If there was one topic I'da preferred to not delve into--that woulda been it. I mean, that's been the focus for a great deal of time.
I have this thing about letting myself LOOK just as sad, just as invested, just AS caring and loving and grateful as I truly am.

I can be sarcastic.
I can be witty and make jokes about all of that stuff.


But letting myself just BE where my feet are--letting it LOOK how it truly IS.....is too darn threatening for some reason.

k......I know it'll make me look like some weirdo from outterspace--and I'll be seen as this mushy, icky, WEAK, stupid person.....omgosh, heaven forbid that I'd actually let myself LOOK like I needed something from another human being or that it actually MATTERED to me if I got it.

*sigh*

So the answer to the question was "GREAT, thanks! I even got teary a couple weeks ago when I was saying goodbye to one of the kiddos that graduated the program!!!!!"

And did that buy me a ticket out of the conversation?

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooooooooooooo.......

*sigh*

Really......talking with WPIML is always a good thing. And he and I have this wonderful relationship that's probably THE most genuine of all the relationships I have. (including the relationship I have with himself)

It matters to me that we stay connected even in the distance. It matters to me that we get some time together. It matters to me that he has his hand in my life, messin' with my till. And for some reason, I'm USUALLY pretty good at letting it LOOK like that matters to me, interpersonally--when it's just him and I.

Tonight---not so.

And truth is-- if anything, my willingness to LET stuff look like it really IS.....hasn't grown in leaps and bounds.

And we're talking a couple YEARS of 'practice, practice, practice'.


Only......I've been stubborn and too 'threatened' by the direction it'd seemingly take me to LET myself practice as I've been willing to practice other disciplines. (oh wait....LOL....which disciplines were THOSE that I was soooooo willing to practice?!?! LOL)

Oy.....

And now I have more 'homework'.....
....which ties into this 'practice, practice, practice'....

...which lives in the house that Mel built......

......"which is or is not a reflection of what's 'true' for Mel?" WPIML asked.

Ohhhhhhhhh he's a wisened bird to ask me that question.
I love him to bits....

..........but I'm gonna haffta hurt him........LOL

Captured Memory

Today's Fairy Thought

When everything is broken, it's easy to find plenty of things you can fix.

When nothing seems to be going right, even the most basic positive effort can make a noticeable difference.

Times of great difficulty and challenge are also times of great opportunity.

When there are problems in every direction, there is much value waiting to be created.

Difficult times are not much fun.

Yet they can give you great and valuable insights into what's truly important.

There is much to be gained when times are good.

There is even more to be gained when times are tough.

Resolve to persevere.
Grow stronger through whatever difficulties may come.

Captured Memory

QOTW 7/27

Do you surf the Internet while you are at work?

Nope.

:-)

TFTD

You were born to be real--not to be perfect.

You are here to be you, not to live someone else's life.
Every day you make some progress and every day you make a few mistakes.

Through it all, your wisdom continues to grow and your experience continues to broaden.

Be gentle with yourself.

Accept who you are, where you have been, and what you have to work with.
At this moment you can make positive use of it all.

Captured Memory

Comfy.......

There are so many things I want to remember about this journey--I can't even begin to list them. The sights were wonderful, the adventures were truly adventures......we got lost and didn't care.
So what if it took another day longer than we planned. It was good to be out and away from the routines and responsibilities.

But we're back......and it's all fallen into place just as it was before we left.

He's over there on his computer.
I'm over here on mine.
The coffee's good.
He kisses my head when he brings me a fresh cup--I rub his little head when I exit and enter the room......

It's not a bad life.
It's a comfortable one.
It's one we've fallen into with little effort by either of us.

Today the lawn got mowed, laundry got done (dammit that none of last years summer dresses FIT!), the birdies got fed, flowers got their dose of fertalizer and dinner was made by myself. (yes, on occasion I do put myself in the kitchen--he was working on the train layout, undoubtedly inspired by our adventures in the past two weeks.)
It's comfortable.
It's a life that's filled with memories we create, daily.
It's a choice we both made--him to give up everything and everyone he'd always known to move to this little yellow house on the corner in this wee little town......and me, to committ to another person a lifetime of togetherness when I'd decided I was content and at peace being a solo act.

There's something to be said for 'comfortable' and 'routine'.
I don't think I woulda said that not so long ago.....but really, there's something very peaceful about knowing what you can rely on happening.

Oh, don't get me wrong--I toss enough kinks into the course of the day.....it makes him a bit nutso....LOL....but he gets over it.
He knew what I was when he picked me up.

When he comes to the car grinning and shoves a sack in proclaiming he's bought you a 'prezzie' and you open the sack to find nifty keeno neon paper and markers--you KNOW he loves ya and accepts you for all that you are (and are not......).

Yep.
Comfy.

Thinkin' I'll go pat that head and see if he'd like a cuppa coffee.......

Things that make me happy.....

....quiet hotel rooms after long travels.

....little town diners with awesome food.

....friendly waitresses who really know how to serve.

....giant, fluffy king-sized beds.

....whirlpool spas after a day with lots of walking.

....little mints on pillows.

....a window view of the western sky.

Today's bit of fairy wisdom

Each problem is a well-defined opportunity.
Whether you judge something to be a problem or opportunity says more about you than about the situation.

The way you choose to see the world is the way the world will be for you.

Friday's TFTD

Sometimes it takes years for a concept to move from our mind into our heart and soul.

We need to work at doing it different with the diligence, effort, and repeated practice we applied to doing it ineffectively.

We need to force ourselves to do things even when they don't feel natural.

We need to tell ourselves we care about ourselves and can take care of ourselves even when we don't believe what we're saying.

We need to do it, and do it, and do it - day after day, year after year.

It is unreasonable to expect this new way of doing things to sink in overnight.

We may have to "act as if" for months, years, before this new way of doing things becomes ingrained and natural.

*clicking heels three times*

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

There's no place like home.

:-)

omgosh......TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

I love trains.

I grew up around trains--and I've kept this love affair with trains going for a whole lifetime.
And we ended our journey four hours shy of being home.....this after nine hours drivetime. It was just time to call it 'done' and surrender to the fact that four more hours would equal stupid if not dangerous!

So we landed in a spot that has trains! (figured we'd find some consolation for not being home! LOL)
And we got to watch trains.....I was especially thrilled to stand on the platform to photograph the gentle train. It came up the hill at a slow pace, passed the platform and posed for me, even! (what a nice little gentle train!!!!!)

And about fifteen minutes later, after walking around photographing the sunset--himself tells me a SECOND train is coming!

Oh---if some is good.....MORE is better!
Back onto the platform I went with camera posed!

I could hear it....
I could see it!

Snap.
Snap!
Two photos in a row......

Yup....two photos in a row...

....and then.....

......I looked up--mostly cuz of the noise........some cuz it just was NOT showing up in the viewfinder of the camera........

HOLY MOLY!!!!!!!

TRAIN!!!!!!

Big!

Noisy!!

REALLY fast!

Big "B".......lots of blur.......orange!!!!!!

TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't mind confessing that I had a few seconds of awe before the brain kicked in and moving BACK seemed like a really, REALLY good plan.
So I turned around and promptly ran into the steel post placed at the edge of the platform to stop cars from driving onto it.

TRAIN.

REALLY big.

REALLY noisy!!!!!!

REALLY REALLY FAST!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH.

MY.

GOSH!!!!!!

Himself tells me I was probably less than five feet away from the two ten ton locomotives pulling the full load of coal which was PROBABLY going 50 mph......if not better.
That's saying nothing of the two ten ton locomotives at the BACK of the train that were pushing it so they could sustain that speed!

O
M
Gosh!!!!!

TRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The above was the blur I photographed while I was still trying to catch my breath from the stupid steel post, ignoring the scolding (which I couldn't hear over the roar) that himself was giving me.

OMG.......TRAIN!

Upclose, personal......WOW.......

BIG.

NOISY.

FAST.

And really, REALLY close!!!!!

Holy moly......it WAS an experience, lemme tell ya.

One I won't be repeating, thanksverymuch!

But how cool!!!!!!!

(k.....bruise on the chest--not cool.......scolding from himself for being so darn close--not cool.....)

k......truth is I figured it was just another gentle train.

Ooops? :-)

Today's reading from the fairies....

Even though your morning may not have been productive, there is still much you can accomplish in the afternoon.

Even though you've suffered some setbacks, there are still plenty of options for moving forward.

Even though you may disagree with what someone has to say, you can benefit greatly from understanding that person's point of view.

Even though you find yourself in difficult and challenging circumstances, there is much value for you to create.
Even though you may feel like quitting, you have what it takes to keep going.

Even though the goal seems far away, every step brings you closer.

Even though your path is filled with obstacles, you can truly enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from successfully moving beyond each one.
Even though darkness may at times surround you, you can shine.

Even though the road has its twists and turns, the journey is worth the effort.
Keep going, keep growing, keep learning and loving and living.

Today's Thought....

This division from others, the barrier that keeps us apart and separate from those around us, comes from our individual insecurities.

We have grown accustomed to the quick comparisons of ourselves with those we meet.

Either inferior or superior we determine them to be, and thus ourselves.

Whatever gifts we have to offer each other are left unwrapped.

Let's come together, truly together, with someone we've been holding off until now.

We can trust that the people who have come into our lives are there by design.

We are equal to them, and they to us.

We need what they have to offer us, and they need our gifts, too.

*happy sigh*

The bouquet.
The Monk/Father.

The eats.

The blimp.

Yup. I'd say that about covers all the bases of a wonderful wedding.

Fairy thought....

How lucky we are that someone else can't decide for us how to feel.

A simple thought

Act early, act often and act with positive purpose.

Yup.....I think we're ready!

Flowers gotten.

Cookies boxed.

Thank you's assembled and tied to boxes.

Cookies stuck in bags and bagged again.

Check.

Check.

Check.

Check!

One sister silly from the stressors.
One brother-in-law patiently soothing her.

One Brit chuckling at the insanities.

Ya think anyone'll notice that a couple boxes only have two cookies as opposed to three?

:-D

k..........probably......LOL

I'll fix that one.

I'll put consolidate the two boxes of two.....put three in one and .... ummmm.....get rid of all evidence of that second box.

Oh, the sacrifice!!!!! ;-)

TFTD

Wondering about whether you can do it will not get it done.

The only way to know for sure is to jump right in and get started.
Avoiding the challenges will only make those challenges grow bigger.
If you wait until conditions are perfect, all you'll ever do is wait.

Great accomplishments are given birth by starting from where you are with what you have.

Yet another TFTD

The most effective power you can have is power over your own actions.

Instead of hoping or plotting to gain power over others, make use of the power you already have over yourself.

Today's Fairy Reminder....

We cannot control forces outside of ourselves.

We cannot control the actions of our family or our co-workers.

We can control our responses to them.

And when we choose to surrender our attempts to control, we will find peace and serenity.

That which we abhor, that which we fear, that which we wish to conquer seems suddenly to be gone when we decide to resist no more - to tackle it no more.

........one.......

That's more than enough, dontcha think?

*happy, grateful sigh*

Splendor in the vastness

Sooooooooo.....Lemme assure you that Saturday was MORE than awesome.
We took a highway we weren't planning to take and had the MOST incredible time of it.

And if we'da never made The Arches......we'da still called it an awesomely wonderful adventure.
Ohmygosh....it was soooo gorgeous.
Photos won't ever do it justice.
It was all too big, too.......splendid......


And the little details are always so amazing.
It's so easy to get wowed by the bigger picture that the little things go unnoticed.
I'll be making note of the little details inside of the vastness again today.
I'm thinkin' that's just 'good practice'............

Another TFTD

If you're not clear about your purpose on this day, random events, distractions and circumstances beyond your control will impose a purpose upon you.

You'll end up spending your precious time in the service of things that won't bring any value or fulfillment.

It is well worth the time and effort necessary to understand why you seek what you seek.
Look beyond the outer concerns of what you're doing.
Look at why you've chosen to do it.

TFTD

What you do not know, you can learn.

What you do not have, you can work to create or acquire.

What you see as a challenge is an opportunity you can take.