Rollin' River

Now THAT'S more like it...

I got bored yesterday afternoon and set up some site visits that were on the bottom of the list of 'maybe considers'.  And THEN....it got busy.
I mean, four projects deep, busy--and it would appear a fifth is on it's way on Friday.
That's GOOD.  That's wayyy more what I'm used to.

I'm a juggler.  I have no problem having four balls in the air at once.  Fact is, there's plenty of room for more. And frankly, MORE is better for me.

And I've decided I just can't DO the exercising at the end of my day.  By the time I get done with work, my leg's pretty angry at me and just wants stuff to stop touching it, already!!
So I get home, slather it up with lidocaine and wait for a bit of calmness.  Hopefully that happens before I'm off and running to a meeting.  Thankfully this evening is an open night where I've not committed myself to a meeting.....cuz I'm spent and my leg is pissed off and wants me to quit doing what I was doing.
Evenings are like that.  Dunno--maybe I need to be grateful it waits til later in the afternoon before it starts getting really angry with me.  Peripheral neuropathy--apparently the doctor got more specific on the written diagnostics.  Just the same, it means I have whacked out nerves.  Duh.  LOL

Ohhhh.....but I'm really happy to have four irons in the fire with the fifth on it's way.
Bring it on!! :-)

Reminder for Today

The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes.

--Marcel Proust

How have we felt when we return to our hometowns, childhood homes, old playgrounds, or high schools after years of absence? Suddenly each place isn't as it once seemed because we're looking through the eyes of someone older and changed. Where we once saw our high school through the eyes of students, we now look at it through the eyes of adults - in a much different way.

So it is with all areas of our lives: our jobs, homes, families, friends, or partners. Many of these people and places haven't changed for a long time. Yet, we change every day. Instead of seeing our job as the same old job or our home as the same old home, we can start to look at them differently.

We don't need to change things on the outside to feel better on the inside. We can change how we look at things from the inside out. We can start to see who and what are outside of us as if we were looking at them for the first time. The ho-hums in our lives can turn into ah-has just by changing the way we see them.

There may be many things in my life that haven't changed, but I'm not one of them. I can see them all with new eyes.

Spring's cleaning tools

Things that make me happy....

....rumbling thunder.

....watching the green tractors take to the fields.

....dragonflies willing to sit still for ten seconds.

....himself's reaction to farmers with their pooh flingers.  Hahaha!!

....watching a storm blow in.

....eatting the bunny ears LAST.  HA!!

....hearing the girl say "Ohmygosh mom...I LOVE my wind chimes!!"  (the ones we fussed over for a good 45 minutes...LOL. Yeah US!!)

Fairy Reading for Today

When people don't forgive, they probably shorten their lives.

--Doris Donnelly

Sometimes forgiveness seems impossible and we feel stuck in the quicksand of our own resentment. When everything else fails, we can try the "First Five People Forgiveness Plan." Each morning we make a decision to forgive the first five people we come in contact with who make us mad. We forgive all five people without analyzing or deciding if they deserve to be forgiven. We promptly forgive each one of them without exception.

This simple plan can work wonders for those of us who usually hold on to resentments and anger. Letting go of anger and resentment lets us feel our loving side. In learning to forgive others we can begin learning about how to forgive ourselves, too.

Harold and Maude

TFTD

Unless our desire for human compassion is stronger than our desire to be right, to be secure or to belong, love will elude us.

--Marsha Sinetar

Knowing we are loved is what most of us crave. For brief moments we feel it; then it eludes us once again. Why does it slip through our fingers so quickly? One way of attracting the love we desire is to be willing to love others. What we give to others comes back to us. Unfortunately, we may give judgment, impatience, or anger far more often than we give love.

We can learn to give compassion. First we need to make the decision to be compassionate. Then we need to act as if we're comfortable doing this. When we have practiced it awhile, we'll discover that giving love and receiving the love we crave is within our grasp.

Avoidance 101

It's blustery and cool--of course it is.....I swapped over my winter clothes for the spring and fall stuff.  I'm sure G-d laughed over that.  :-/  Like I didn't have a clue from all the schizophrenic weather we've had?!

It's a job well done--and it's done.
I even managed to carry the tote upstairs.  UP stairs I can go.  Not with the utmost confidence, I still have to think about what I'm doing.  DOWN stairs....notsomuch. Down stairs if I go sideways!  k....I can go DOWN, it's just a bit humbling.

I know it's about practice and strengthening.  I also know there's just not enough hours in the day to get it done and find some sense of 'rest'.  Maybe it's just laziness on my part.  I get on the road by six-thirty and I don't manage to get home until after five.  And then I turn around and leave at seven-thirty for a meeting 5 outta 7 days of the week.  Zackly where am I finding time and the gumption to actually hit the gym to do the strengthening exercises?  I'm not--nor am I making the time.
And obviously I need to make the time.

So--I'll go to the park and have a wander with my sweatshirt on.  LOL  It's a good enough diversion tactic.  If I go play, I won't think!  If I don't think, then I'm not compelled to solve the issue and I can just keep doing what I'm doing!  Wooohoooooo!!!!

:-D

Testimony of spring

Breathe Fairy

Did you ever try to get a key to unlock a door, and you tried and tried, and the key just wouldn't open it? The harder you tried, the more frustrated you became. So you stopped trying for awhile, relaxed, and tried again. Voila. The key fit perfectly and the slightest turn unlocked the door.

There's a gentler way of being in the world, of trying things, doing things, going about our business.

Whether I'm tackling a specific project, enjoying a new relationship, or grinding through some miserable situation, my first inclination is to force myself and try too hard. If one cup of tea tastes good, I'll drink five. If I want to express love or concern for someone, I'll overdo it.

"If it's worth doing, it's worth doing well," doesn't mean if it's worth doing, try harder and harder. Doing it well means relaxing and letting the actions unfold gently, naturally, without force. 

Pull back a little. Relax.

Yours, mine and ours

Daily Reading

In quarreling about the shadow, we often lose the substance.

  —Aesop

There is a fable about a man and his camel who were hired by a wealthy man to get him across the desert. The journey was so hot that they stopped to rest one day, and the only shade to be found was in the shadow of the camel. The two of them began to argue about who had the rights to the camel's shadow--the owner or the renter. They were so involved in their argument that the camel ran away and they didn't notice until it was long gone.

Sometimes we get so caught up in being right that we become like these two, fighting over a shadow. Instead of paying attention to our journey and sharing what we have, we let ourselves get distracted. It is more important to notice what we have, to share it as best we can, and continue our journey.

Patience Fairy

How sick and tired we may become of people telling us to be patient or to learn patience. How frustrating it can be to want to finally have something, or to move forward, and then not have that happen. How irritating to have someone tell us to wait while our needs have not been met and were in the midst of anxiety, frustration, and inaction.

Do not confuse the suggestion to be patient with the old rule about not having feelings.

Being patient does not mean we go through the sometimes-grueling process of life and recovery without having feelings! Feel the frustration. Feel the impatience. Get as angry as you need to about not having your needs met. Feel your fear.

Controlling our feelings will not control the process!

We find patience by surrendering to our feelings. Patience cannot be forced. It is a gift, one that closely follows acceptance and gratitude. When we work through our feelings to fully accept who we are and what we have, we will be ready to be and have more.

Baddd photo of a good thing

There's a wee chalkboard that sits on the coffee nook table.  Himself thought it was a good plan to put a list of things I MUST have before I drive off for the day.

I thought it was complete, but invited him to put anything on it that I mighta forgotten.

He did.

He's such a Mr. Smartie Britches....

Buds

TFTD

Taking our friends and loved ones for granted, expecting perfection from them in every instance, greatly lessens the value we have in one another's life. Being hard on those closest to us may relieve some of the tension we feel about our own imperfections, but it creates another tension, one that may result in our friends leaving us behind.

We need the reminder, perhaps, that our friends are special to our growth. Our paths have crossed with reason. We complete a portion of the plan for one another's life. And for such gifts we need to offer gratitude.

Each of us is endowed with many qualities, some more enhancing than others; it is our hope, surely, that our lesser qualities will be ignored. We must do likewise for our friends. We can focus on the good, and it will flourish--in them, in ourselves, in all situations. A positive attitude nurtures everyone. Let us look for the good and, in time, it is all that will catch our attention.

Switching

Word for the day: Polyneuropathy

The good news is the doctor figured out the tech who did part ONE of the electrocution labled her work incorrectly.  On one hand I was glad I'm not the only person that mixes up their "left" and "right".  On the other hand....mighta been wiser had the doctor not shared that discovery with me.  He was in charge of part TWO--electrocution by needle.  He wrongly informed me that I g was going to feel a "stick".  He also failed to correctly lable the sensation I was about to experience as he turned up the voltage.  It wasn't even close to a "tingle".

But he did give me the diagnosis.  Polyneuropathy.  Fancy term for whacked out nerves.  And he asked if I had diabetes or thyroid issues.
Nope--broken leg!!  Generally polyneuropathy happens in association with those two medical issues, or so I was informed.

I now fear there will now be a whole battery of tests ordered to "rule out" the others.  Given the fact that I just had 2 blood tests and I got handed the results--notsomuch a concern in my book.  But I know how this works.  And I know sometimes things just evolve in a short  amount of time.
Seriously--wasn't there before surgery, was after.  Seems like a no brainer to me.
The other good news--the problem really does exist.  I DO have whacked out nerves.  I mean, I knew I had a problem, but it's not this "in your face, you can see there's an issue" deal going on.  You start wondering if other people think you're a hypochondriac and you start to wonder if you're nuts.  I can quit all that wondering and name the problem.  For some reason it's always been important for me to be able to name things.....including inanimate objects.

Polyneuropathy.
Whacked out nerves.

I'm not gonna budge in line to have another E M G done on me....I'll do my best to avoid a repeat of that one.

Oh..
And I iave a very, VERY pissed off left leg.  Go figure....

Reading for Today

We relinquish our tight hold and our need to control in our relationships. We learn to let go of people we love, people we like, and those we don't particularly care for. We separate ourselves, and our process, from others and their process.

We take responsibility for ourselves; we allow others to do the same. We detach with the understanding that life is unfolding exactly as it needs to, for others and ourselves. The way life unfolds is good, even when it hurts. And ultimately, we can benefit from even the most difficult situations. We do this with the understanding that a Power greater than ourselves is in charge, and all is well.

Today, I will apply the concept of detachment, to the best of my ability, in my relationships. If I cant let go completely, Ill try to hang on loos

Today's Fairy Reading

I came to the conclusion then that "continual mindfulness". . . must mean, not a sergeant-major-like drilling of thoughts, but a continual readiness to look and readiness to accept whatever came.

  —Joanna Field

Resistance to the events, the situations, the many people who come into our lives blocks the growth we are offered every day. Every moment of every day is offering us a gift: the gift of awareness of other persons, awareness of our natural surroundings, awareness of our own personal impact on creation. And in awareness comes our growth as women.

Living in the now, being present in the moment, guarantees us the protection of God. And in the stretches of time when we anxiously anticipate the events of the future, we cheat ourselves of the security God offers us right now.

We are always being taken care of, right here, right now. Being mindful, this minute, of what's happening and only this, eases all anxieties, erases all fears. We only struggle when we have moved our sights from the present moment. Within the now lies all peace.

The most important lesson I have to learn, the lesson that will eliminate all of my pain and struggle, is to receive fully that which is offered in each moment of my life

Trapped in the flow

oy.....

I don't like being ignore, overlooked, put off or not responded to.  It's just not good etiquette.  Bad form, unprofessional.
I have to remember that the folks ignoring/overlooking/putting off/not responding to me are folks that are doing what I used to do.  They're arse deep in alligators, hopping from fire to fire, dealing in chaos and drama.  They get to do the fun stuff.
I'm the one waiting on their replies so I can move on to the next thing.  And I used to be the one trying to find a chunk of time and a bit of squiggle room so I could tend to something that the other person could very well run the report and do themselves.  And I CAN get the information myself.  But apparently the boss thinks they need to be included in the process...or something like that, cuz he keeps telling me to involve them.
I remember things like this not being the prioity...heck, some days I couldn't get to emails until afternoon, which apparently isn't acceptable....but there ya have it.
I gotta take this stuff less personal....or tell the boss that including them isn't a good plan.  It's especially not good when you know it'll be wrong information and you'll end up correcting it anyways.
"If you want something done right, do it yourself" comes to mind!!
LOL...oh mannn...I must need a meeting!!

Fairy Reminder

When we cannot find those reassuring feelings of strength and wisdom and joy, we may think they are gone forever. 

We even doubt we ever had them or could have them again. But they are still there. They cannot be destroyed. 

And when we regain contact we know they have been with us all along.

Welcomed visitors

All in a day...

First the morning meeting, send off the powerwasher (front driveway looks nice, tyvm!), then a trek around the park--the shorter trail that's a bit over a mile...without the cane on rough/unever terrain noless!  Then hoe the back flower garden and put out garden things.  Dinner, dishes, coffee and whine.  LOL
 Oh my gosh....I am so outta shape.  I got IN the Jeep to come home, but getting OUT of the Jeep was another story.  *sigh*  Old and outta shape after sitting on my arse for 16 months.  Definitely got some whining material.

I'll hit the meeting tonight cuz somehow I ended up with the key.
And I can undoubtedly can use the meeting.
One of the fellas asked me why I thought women didn't seem to make it to the program around here.
Sheesh...you can't ask me a question like that without me tossing it around and around and around in my head.  I still don't have an answer...but I will.
I didn't take notice that I'm the lone woman in all but one of the meetings I attend.
And the other meeting....it's me and a gal I've sponsored for years.
I'm sure I can come up with a list of excuses until I come up with an answer....it's an open invitation to pick on the fellas and I'm good with that.  :-D

Oh, but I'll be limping my way around for the rest of the evening....
Old.
Outta shape.

MUST do more adventures to get back to where I need to be!  :-)

Daily Reading

The pure relationship, how beautiful it is! How easily it is damaged, or weighted down with irrelevancies--not even irrelevancies, just life itself, the accumulations of life and of time.

  —Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Many of us are presently rebuilding old relationships and searching for new ones, ones that we hope we can protect. We can't survive without relationships, some intimate, some close, some casual. And we discover ourselves through our relationships with others.

The purity of a relationship is directly proportional to the undivided attention we both give to those shared moments, hours, experiences, to being there with one another. This communion with another is the celebration of life and God that quickens hearts and ushers in serenity.

Each day I can look for those chances to give myself wholly. And gifts will abound.

At the co-op

TFTD

Don’t waste your time seeking to find happiness. Instead, be the happiness.

Happiness does not come from anything outside of you. Happiness is the way you choose to be.

Yes, you can express your happiness in many wonderful ways that go far beyond you. The consequences of your inner happiness bring beauty and great value to your outer world.

Yet the happiness itself always comes from within. And you can always choose it, no matter what other things may be going on.

New Artwork in the Coffee Nook!!

Atta Girl!!

The boss and I are going to learn to speak a common language if it KILLS me.  Or him.

Tuesday he sends me an email about something he needs by 'next Friday'.
k....no problem....  PLENTY of time to get 'er done!

And then I thought 'gosh....I wonder if his 'next Friday' is THIS Friday'.

Uh huh......language problem.  In my world 'next Friday' isn't the one in the same week--that's THIS Friday.
*sigh*  Ah well...
The good news--I'm a deep end of the pool swimmer and I got it done cuz I started it when he sent on the email.
The bad news....I missed last night's meeting cuz I was dotting the i's and crossing the t's.
The badder news--I have NO clue where the numbers for the first two quarters came from.  Those numbers weren't figured by me.
And I only matched those numbers three times.  The other six times--no such luck.
I did my data mining three times--which is the same amount of times I went over the data--line by line by line.

All I can say is I think mine are right and the other fellas are wrong.
*ahem*  The other fellas would be my boss and the other gent that I'm getting to work with.
I hope I'm wrong.
Ummm.....hold on--no I don't.  I hope they can show me where the difference comes into play so we can match.
*ahem*  Mostly......  A bit of me hopes I'm right and they're not.

*snickering*

OH.....and I got a 'atta girl' from the boss.
My reports that I labored over and made two mistakes on.....all three passed with flying colours.  And the gal that's rather finicky about the reports commented that they were very nicely done.
Wooohooo!
They PASSED!!  OMG...Thank you, G-d!!

Dusting

If there’s something you intend to do, get started. If you don’t take the first step immediately, it’s not really an intention but merely an empty wish.

Push ups

Repeat....

Seriously, it's going to change.  This stuff that I get to do is feeling obscure because it is.

The good news is I'm making up stuff that needs done that no one has bothered to put a process to.  I'm a system and process kinda gal.  And while I might be bored one day, I'm working like a madman the next....for several days in a row...
Bored.  WARP SPEED with my hair on fire.  Bored.  WARP SPEED with my hair on fire.  Repeat!!
I think I'll make note of what and when and start structuring out a plan.

Nah....that would be "organized" and "proactive".  LOL

Fairy Reading

When you find a way to be thankful for something, you find the value in it. When you find a way to be thankful, you find a way to benefit.

That is especially true when you’re thankful for things that would not seem at first to be beneficial. The more you can be thankful for, the more real, meaningful value there will be in your life.

Be thankful for the difficulties. Your gratitude will make them less difficult and much easier to bear.

Be thankful for whatever you’ve just experienced. In that state of thankfulness you’ll find powerful lessons to be learned.

Gratitude enables you to see anything in a whole new, empowering light. Be thankful, and you’ll understand how truly rich you already are, and how much more richness you can now create.

Reading for the Day

Life is as it is in this moment, and it’s powerful to be able to accept that. Yet just because you accept what is, here and now, doesn’t mean you must be resigned to letting it stay that way.

Yes, you can accept even those things you don’t agree with or approve of. It is your acceptance of reality that positions you to change and to improve upon that reality.

Accept the moment, and find great value in it. Accept the situation, whatever it may be, and enable yourself to move positively forward from it.

That's MR. Robin to you.... :-/

Daily Reminder

There will always be people, events and circumstances that have the potential to get you down. However, you don’t have to let them keep you down for long.

Much of what comes to you, and happens beyond you, is out of your control. Yet you always can precisely and dependably control what you do with it.

The best thing to do with whatever happens is to find a positive, purposeful way to respond. If something threatens to get you down, choose to do something even more consequential that lifts your world up.

Instead of letting the negativity drain you, create your own empowering positive energy. A positive response is always there, so find it and choose it every time.

Two.

Two mistakes.  They found TWO mistakes on the 3 data reports I put together.  OMG... nevermind that I corrected 21 mistakes from the previous report they sent in.  Find two mistakes of MINE and I am not happy.
They told me I did an outstanding job....and then gave me 2 mistakes to correct.  And then I went over the 3 reports AGAIN in case they missed something that I mighta missed that they didn't catch that I shoulda caught in the first place....
Yes, I know it took 2 of them better than 100 hours to do the last one.  And I know that 'stuff happens'.  I'm not used to my sole work being a finished product that gets critiqued.

TWO mistakes.  OMG...
Well, better the new set of eyes before the report actually goes in.
And it goes in tomorrow.
Oy...  This is an entirely different playing field than what I'm accustomed to.

I know....Let go.  Breathe.  It'll be okay.  :-/

Ahhhh....spring!!

TFTD

If you let your ego run your life, it will impose a great cost and leave you with nothing of real value. Raise your expectations higher, and go far beyond those burdensome superficial concerns.

You are genuinely beautiful, worthy and have much to offer life. Let yourself be your authentic self, and let that beauty come forth.

Do what you’re most passionate about doing. Let go of all the things you do to merely keep up appearances.

There is immense value in the unique, authentic person you are. Today, and every day, generously share that value with all of life.

D.U.C. hunting

I will try to make the world better and happier by my presence in it. I will try to help other people find the way God wants them to live. I will try to be on the side of good, in the stream of righteousness, where all things work for good. I will do my duty persistently and faithfully, not sparing myself. I will be gentle with all people. I will try to see other people's difficulty and help them to correct it. I will always pray to God to act as interpreter between me and the other person.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may live in the spirit of prayer. I pray that I may depend on God for the strength I need to help me to do my part in making the world a better place.

THIS was the reading that got tossed into the hall this morning.  I read it first thing this morning and it rankled me then.
This was also the reading at this morning's meeting where I was graced to present a gent with his anniversary medallion.  Still made me squirm....I didn't like that it was suggesting  "little ol' me" would know what G-d wanted for anyone to be living.  And I sure didn't like the word "righteousness" OR the internal reaction I had with the use of that word.

Himself asked if I was going to this evening's meeting.  I told him I was and asked if he was bothered by the number of meetings I was going to...Not one bit--fact is he thought I was more calm, more 'at peace', more 'centered'.

Go figure that reading was read again at this evening's meeting.  (That'll happen.  The meetings I go to tend to use the same books as I use.)  But I knew where the issue was by tonight's meeting..it was in me, not in the book.
I have just enough practice in me to know when something disturbs me, I need to look at what part of me is "threatened".  Cuz when I feel threatened, I come out swinging.....and reading books end up in the hallway.  Fight or flight.  And where I came from "flight" wasn't a viable option...so "fight" was my first line of defense.  Admittedly, it still is.

I did toss the book.  I also picked it up and read it multiple times....and went d.u.c. (deep underlying cause) hunting. 
I have a heart's desire to be of maximum service to G-d and others.  MAXIMUM service....which means I don't get to make assumptions about what G-d wnts as a way of life for another human being.  But it also means that I "pauae" and ask for guidance and direction and help with helping others.  That's the bit I need help in doing...that simple little "pause".
And yes....I know why I was rankled.  
It's good to know that himself is okay with the increased meetings.  That I'm acting different as a result is a very good thing.  I've had to work less hard to BE kind and tolerant.  Now if I could just "pause"and ask for the help....
Egocentric people like me have great difficulties letting anyone help us.  But I'm thinking He already knows that.  And I'm sooooo special that He arranged for that reading to happen just for mememe!!  LOL

Yet to be named. :-)

Today's Marching Orders

Seek balance.

Balance emotions with reason.

Combine detachment with doing our part.

Balance giving with receiving.

Alternate work with play, business with personal activities.

Balance tending to our spiritual needs with tending to our other needs.

Juggle responsibilities to others with responsibilities to ourselves.

Balance caring about others with caring about ourselves.

Whenever possible, let's be good to others, but be good to ourselves too.

Some of us have to make up for lost time.

:-/

Before and after...OMG was the patio a mess.  It's better now.  And I'm definitively outta shape.  17 months of virtually sitting on my arse, relying on he-who-had-to-do-everything  to do.....everything.    I managed to power-wash the patio and car port, cleared the leaves from the flower gardens and got some things put back into place....but man....I'm old.  And I'm slow.  And I'm feeling like I did three times that amount of work.

I've slathered lidocaine on my leg cuz it's supposed to numb the pain cuz I'm definitely feeling it.

And I'm gonna do a LOT of whining cuz the sun does NOT feel good on the left leg.  It's supposed to feel good.  Last year I was whipping off the brace and sitting in the sun and it felt AWESOME.  Notsomuch now.

  I'm gonna be hopeful that will change...cuz I enjoy patio sitting. 

 And I have a clean patio, too dangitall. 

The head-stuck sparrow

Scattered.....

Seriously--I have to land in some sort of routine.

This lack of structure/routine is crazy.
What I used to do in the morning is now shoved back a couple of hours so I can get to work at the usual time and still do the (almost) hour drive.  Only I'm NOT doing the 'normal' stuff in the morning.  My arse is dragging from so little sleep that I try to buy a bit more time before I actually get out of bed and start going.  That means something has to go while I whiz around and try to get ready to get to work.
NOT working.
I might see three hours of sleep if you wipe out the tossing turning actually trying to get to sleep--and throw in multiple  times I'm waking up because of pain or some darn thing.
It's interrupted sleep. And it ain't 'replenishing' or 'restful'.

So, I try to sneak in another hour of staying in bed cuz I'm weary.
And then I'm up and zipping around, shoving coffee in while I'm trying to get stuff rounded up to get to the office 'over there'. NOT working.  Absolutely NOT working.

Everything is a bit 'off' as a result of that.
I don't get my 'quiet time'.
I'm battling my own attitude and fears all day long.
And I don't FEEL centered--I'm 'off'...not quite connected to do whatever gets placed in front of me.  And I'm getting 'stuck' on the darnedest things as a result, battling to get past stupid stuff that normally doesn't get a whole lot of air time in my head.

I'm not exactly sure what the answer is--other than 'suck it up'.  I'm freaking tired and 'rest' is just elusive.  But it's been elusive for a long time, so it's nothing really 'new'. I've been doing this level of crappy sleep for 17 months.
So really.....today, right now....More likely it's the 'emotional baggage' I'm lugging around with me, day in day out.

I've been a big girl about all the 'stuff' that's transpired at the work site.  And I've been hugely grateful that there's a usefulness for me in other places.  I rather like the information network I get to play in--and apparently I'm fairly 'okay' at it.
But that doesn't negate how I think and what I 'feel' about what I'm NOT getting to do today.

There's the baggage that I've lugged around and not dove into.

Feeling and thinking and dealing in that loss doesn't mean I'm not grateful.  I can KNOW that...and still not allow myself to BE that.
I don't wanna be sad.  And I don't wanna look at the loss of something that was so 'central' to my usefulness to others for a very long time.  I get opportunities day after day after day....
My role in the workplace wasn't the ONLY place I was 'used' in service to others.
I've grown enough to know that what I'm graced to DO--doesn't define me or determine my worth and value.

Dunno.....  maybe it's just the upsidedownness of the routine that's zapping me of what used to be a pretty 'centered' life.  Or maybe it's the whole ball of wax and I need to be demanding solutions in places that no real/easy 'solution' exists?

Yeah......well.... until things get 'figured out' in my own head--there are things that I can change, that I DO have some 'power' over.
Which means getting a routine figured out and retraining myself.

*laughing*  Like I'm train-able?!
Lots of people would argue that fact.....

Thought for the Day

No experience of our lives is pure, unadulterated, set apart from all other experiences. There is an eternal flow in our lives. It carries us from one moment, one experience, into the next. Where we are today, the growth we have attained and the plans we have for further changes are prompted by the same driving desires that contributed to our many actions in years gone by.

We can reflect on a particular experience and tag it a turning point. However, neither one crisis or one joy brought us to today. Each may have played a part, and it's the many parts of our lives, past and present, that guarantee us the turning points that nudge us further up the road of change. We will see the progress of the journey. And we will understand how, each time we stumbled, new strength was gained.

Every day is a training ground. And every experience trains me to recognize the value of succeeding experiences.

Today's Reminder

I realized a long time ago that a belief which does not spring from a conviction in the emotions is no belief at all.

  —Evelyn Scott

From pillar to post we bounced, most of us not knowing what we actually believed about nearly any situation before getting to this program. Perhaps we believed what was most convenient at the time because of the people we were with. And maybe we jumped the fence quickly when in a new setting. Values were sometimes talked about but not defined, and certainly not adhered to.

It's difficult to develop a strong sense of self, to have a very secure self-image when the parameters offered by a value system are lacking. Our values define who we are. They offer us direction when making choices. They quietly demand that we behave responsibly. Living in concert with our values brings peace to our souls.

Gone are the days when we rode first one fence and then another, never knowing what side of any issue we honestly believed in. The program has offered us a plan for living, a plan that erases the many uncertainties, the inner turmoil of past years.

Today will have a clarity about it that I can appreciate. I know who I am. I know what I believe. All I need do is act accordingly

Daily Thought

Each day offers us a fresh start at assimilating all that we have been. What has gone before enriches who we are now, and through the many experiences we've survived, we have been prepared to help others, to smooth the way for another, perhaps, who is searching for a new direction.

We can let go of our shame and know instead that it sweetens the nuggets of the wisdom we can offer to others. We are alike. We are not without faults. Our trials help another to smoother sailing.

I can share my wisdom. All painful pasts brighten someone's future, when openly shared.

And so it goes...

I have to say, I haven't been bored at work for the past week.  I knew  it was going to be a lot of deep end of the pool swimming.  Fast, furious....and repetitious.  Some of that's by choice.  I wanna make sure my work is accurate.  I also want to lean some fast lessons that I don't have to repeat.

If I get booted off of one server, don't expect to hop on to another server and carry on as if nothing happened.  YOU LOSE YOUR WORK.

If you correct something, make a copy of what you're going to correct.  Seems like a no brainer, Mel!!

You don't speak their language.....yet.  Ask questions until there's no further use for an interpreter.

You'll make mistakes...embarrassing as that is, it's still true.

Yes, you heard correctly...what you're now doing is only one week of the month.  Other people will figure that out and will want you for their "projects".  No worries, there are projects already lined up...so politely decline.  You'll be "up to your arse in alligators" in record time.  LOL. BRING on the next project!!!

Oh...and be VERY careful what you ask for!

Today's Reading

 

  

Acceptance is the acknowledgment of the inherent perfection in every person, situation and experience regardless of how difficult or challenging it may appear or feel.

   Acceptance does not depend or rely upon what is going on externally. It is an internal state of awareness and being.

  Acceptance of others as doing the best they can, regardless of what they do or how they do it, eliminates judgment. In order to come to a place of acceptance, you must be willing to relinquish your position (e.g. being right, what is fair, what you should or should not do, etc.)

  In the midst of a difficult experience, you are called to acceptance. You cannot change the past. Only by acceptance of the feelings and memories associated with the past are you able to change your choices and responses to similar experiences.

   Acceptance requires that you embrace all seeming imper-fections which present them- selves, knowing that you can set a new course for your life, one minute at a time, one day at a time. Acceptance of experiences is realized as an outgrowth of acceptance of self. 

Acceptance of who you are and what you have experienced is the foundation of unconditional loving of self.

Runnin' on full

Fairy Reminder

Staying Out of the Middle

"I don't want to get in the middle, but . . ." is a sign that we may have just stepped into the middle.

We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people's issues, problems, or communication. We can let others take responsibility for themselves in their relationships. We can let them work out their issues with each other.

Being a peacemaker does not mean we get in the middle. We are bearers of peace by staying peaceful ourselves and not harboring turmoil. We are peacemakers by not causing the extra chaos created when we get in the middle of other people's affairs and relationships.

Don't get in the middle unless you want to be there.

Photographic evidence

Things that make me happy....

....discovering green under the leaves.

....a stolen moment at the wee park I found.

....holding the door for someone.

....watching the wee ones try to play soccer.

....that sudden moment where my whacked out leg--itched.

....lighted up church windows.

....'toxic' coffee.  LOL

TFTD

Where is the yesterday that worried us so?

—Joan Walsh Anglund

In the fairy tale The Last Dream of the Old Oak Tree, the oak tree felt sorry for the dayfly. The dayfly only lives for one day, and the tree was already 365 years old. But the dayfly was so enjoying his one-day that the tree's sympathy puzzled him. The dayfly said to the tree, "You may have thousands of my days, but I have thousands of moments to be pleased and happy in."

And so the dayfly continued to dance in the sun and smell the clover and honeysuckle. His day ended as happily as he spent it, and he settled down on a blade of grass.

If all of us could approach our day the way the dayfly does, as though this were our only day, we would make no time for worry.