A Reminder from the Reading Fairy

Love challenges you to be who you most authentically are.
Love enables you and compels you to find and to give the very best that you have.

A bit of a mess she is....

...but she's still dang cute.....

Yeah, yeah....so says the Nana. LOL

TFTD

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.
—Janis Joplin

When we don't know who we are, it's easy to compromise ourselves. When we don't know where we stand on an issue, it's easy to be swayed by a forceful voice. Values may be cloudy in our minds, or we may not be aware of them at all. It's then that we are vulnerable to the persuasion of another. As we grow we are offered the way to know ourselves. We are supported in our efforts, and we realize we have friends who don't want us to compromise ourselves - who value our struggle to know and to be true to ourselves.

One of our greatest gifts is discovering we can make decisions that represent us, our inner selves, and those decisions please us. We all are familiar with the tiny tug of shame that locates itself in our solar plexus. When we "go along," when we "give in" on a personally important issue, we pay a consequence. We lose a bit of ourselves. Over the years we've lost many bits. We have a choice, however.

I will have a chance, soon, to act according to my wishes. I will take it.

Ohhhhhhhh........

We're sad.

The bug caught a bug..and now Nana and Granddad don't get to have the bug for the evening.

*sniffle*

Ohhhhhhh...... *sniffle* :-(

Fairy Reminder

Any weakness can be transformed into strength when you simply have the courage to grow.

She-who-complains-of-sticky-bug

....must be reminded of the slop at the Equator.

With a little help, of course......*laughing laughing*

Yup.....emailed her the reminder....
Photographic evidence isn't always a bad thing.

....'cept when it's my reminder?

She IS her mother's child...
Hmmmmm.....


Reminder to self: Do NOT open attachments from the girl.....

Fairy Dust

When you wish to go new places, you must accept that the road will be unfamiliar and a little uncomfortable.

Time's UP!

Uh huh.

I have lowwwwwwww blood pressure.

I'm talking nearly scares the physician who doesn't know me 'lowwwwwwwwww'.

82/64 low....on a good day.....

I really didn't think the blood pressure cuff was required for me.

It's himself I'm concerned about.

(Of course, it wayyyyyyyy works for me to be concerned about other people--gets my brain off of MEMEME......)

But c'mon--148/97 is high. And that's high by 'normal' standards, not by Mel's standards.

120/80 is high by Mel's standards....LOL

Whadda the odds I'm gonna convince himself he needs to make an appointment to see the physician......and how poofy is he gonna be if I make that appointment for him since he's not seemingly getting around to it.
Heck--he's not getting around to monitoring it with that new handy dandy blood pressure cuff thingamabob.....
Denial, undoubtedly. I mean, it's not like he wants to have THAT be the reason for recurrent headaches and for me to be 'rightly concerned'.....

k.......
I'll give him til Monday -- and I'll help him chart his blood pressure so he can report accurately to the physician.
I mean, this is why you see physicians, right....to get answers to physical maladies...right?

(Yep--that's why you have physicians--last time I checked....that's why!!)

Yep....I'll give him til Monday.....
I know he'll get it.

(oy....please let him get it.....LOL)

Fallen

Things that make me happy

....the gooey marshmallowed baby video that I can play overandoverandover again. *laughing*

....the new shelf in the coffee nook.

....watching other people play.

....melting snow.

....longggggg icicles with fingers.

....itty bitty buttons.

....reading to the bug. :-)

Fairy Thought

Sometimes the way is hard and craggy. Sometimes we climb mountains. Sometimes we slide down the other side.

Sometimes we rest.

Sometimes we grope through the darkness. Sometimes we're blinded by sunlight.

At times many may walk with us on the road; sometimes we feel nearly alone.

Ever changing, always interesting, always leading someplace better, someplace good.

TFTD

Self-importance is our greatest enemy. Think about it - what weakens us is feeling offended by the deeds and misdeeds of our fellowmen. Our self-importance requires that we spend most of our lives offended by someone.
—Carlos Castaneda

Were we offended by someone today? Do we harbor resentment for remarks, oversights, or unpleasant mannerisms? Do we feel tense or uneasy about how someone else has treated us? We can probably make a good case to justify our reactions. Perhaps we are in the right and they are in the wrong.

Yet, even if we are justified, it doesn't matter. We may be puffing ourselves up and wasting energy. When we are oversensitive, we take a self-righteous position, which leads us far from our path. Our true strength is diminished.

How much better it is to let go of the lightness, let go of our grandiosity, and accept the imperfections in others. We need to accept our own imperfections too. When we do, we are better for it, and our strength and energy can be focused on richer goals.

I will accept others' imperfections; I do not need to be right.

Nite-nite Nana.....

Sleeping with bread....

In the past few weeks I've been struggling to keep myself upright.

I've not partaken in 'bread making', I've not bothered to look at what's been good in my life during the course of the week--what's sustained me.

I've barely managed that nightly inventory I'm so disciplined in doing.

That energy, that desire--has been absent.

And I'm compelled to be honest.....

I've been wallowing.

Yup--stuck in the muck like a duck.....oh fudgebuckets....

I've said it before, I'll say it again.....gluten free bread--sucks.
The texture's wrong.
The smell is 'off'.

I don't think it's appropriate to mention taste--it'd be......'tasteless' to even try.
It's downright inconvenient.
It brings to me a whole lot of attention that I just do not want.
It alienates me from others (believe that or not--it does...)

I don't like it.
I don't see where I'm reaping any of the rewards from keeping it in my life.

I'm feel sick more frequently.
I'm not putting on any weight.
The little furry things in my intestines are still protesting just about every time I put something in my mouth.

And I just don't see what's in it for me to continue following this stupid restrictive lifestyle.

Lemme say that louder--

I don't see WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME.


Where's MINE?
I've been 'good'.
When you act good, you GET good, right?

When you DO right things you get right things, right?

So.....lemme say it again.......so this time maybe I'LL hear myself.

What's in it for me?

Gimme MINE.

I'm almost sure I sound a bit like those annoying seagulls in "Finding Nemo"--repetitiously squawking 'mineminemineminemine' to the Big Guy.....

There's a bottom line here--and it's not about 'what's in it for Mel'.

Go figure.
It's about the surrender, I know it is. It's about the trust in what's true and good.....the purpose and the need to do whatever's put in front of me no matter how unpleasant or how 'unrewarded' I see it being.
If it was about seeing 'what's in it for me', I wouldn't be here--today.....with all that I have IN my life TODAY.

The 'reward' for doing right is knowing you did right.

Last week I was briefly gifted with a window of time between explosive headaches when things and people around me were tolerable--and one of the pigeons I work with rang me.
His child moved in with other family members, he was on the brink of losing his job, he'd gone through two heart surgeries in a year, alienated himself from the rest of his family and is utterly and completely buried in the 'troubles of his own making'.
He asked me why he should even bother to NOT drink today--afterall....he's been not drinking and trying to work a program of recovery for months....and what's changed?!

He's been GOOD........so where's HIS?

Neither he nor I got to this jumping off place because we were doing 'right things for the sake of knowing you were doing right'. We got here because we needed to arrive here for some reason INSIDE US.

I know how I ended here.
I have me to thank -- not G-d to blame.

I'm getting MINE.

It's HIS that I really want.......really.....


Really.

Fairy Wisdom

Respect and honor the values you hold by expressing those values with the way you live.
Be true in each action to your values.
Give them life -- they become your integrity.

An exclamation mark on caring.....

k....

<-- Probably not the nicest philosophy....LOL But I sooooooooo relate!


So.......lemme just say what's true....


I.......have this 'thing' about interpersonal relationships and touchy feely jazz....... Ummm.....it's a very simple 'thing'--I don't do it.

I remember the first time I went to an A.A. meeting where they actually held hands during the closing. I looked at (the then) WPIML and whispered "NO #$%^ing way....."

*laughing*

I've made a few adjustments since then--I no longer swear like a trucker when the folks in meetings wanna hold my hand while they close. I do shake hands with others--and it's rare, but on occasion I will hug someone. ON OCCASION. Rare occasion, I admit--and with only select people.

And then there's the kiddos at work--who make it known from day one with each other "Oh, that's Ms. Mel--you're gonna hate her before you love her. She's not a huggy kinda person....just so ya know.... Oh. And never...EVER get between her and her coffee......." *laughing* Gotta love 'em for saying the truth!

The girl and the boy--exceptions to the rule. I'm a touch talker with them. Very much the relationship between me and the bug--touch all the time. For some reasons, they're the exception to the rule. We hug, we touch--non issue, privately or publicly.

When I opted to change the nature of the relationship with himself I had no issue with the physical touch thing. Fact is, it was a pretty freeing thing to discover I liked public displays of affection!!......in England....

Back home 'in my own backyard'.....different story.

I had to spend some time picking that apart and taking a look at what drove all that.
And it's been more than once that I've visited the 'what's up with Mel and that touchy feely jazz'.

I know some of it--fact is, I know for a long time a large chunk of it stemmed from the victimization's in my life.
I don't like being a 'victim' of anything. I attached a stigma (pertaining only to me) to the term for a very long time.
Today I know how to be safe and how to take care of myself.
I've had to use that knowledge more than a few times in my adult life.
I still don't 'do' the touchy feely jazz very often or with very many.

It still makes me nervous.
I still get hung up on 'how it looks' sometimes.
And I sometimes give people wrong messages because of my personal space/boundary issues.

Every partake in that 'lets see how close people can move towards you before you feel intruded upon' deal?

I'm the one who tells the trainer to take six giant steps backwards and call it 'good' cuz I don't know him from Adam.....

Honestly--my closest relationships ...are with touchy feely people.
My longest term relationships ...are with touchy feely people.
They're just not invited to be touchy feely with me.

So it was interesting when WPIML posed his questions--"Do you wanna BE a touchy feely person?"

My initial response was "Ummmmmm..........hello?......NO."

"So you like the barrier that puts between you and other people or maybe just the message it sends."

Well, shoot.......he would have to say that---

Why does that have to be a barrier?!
Who says it's a barrier?
Since when?!!
What message?!
What, ya think I'm not direct enough?!!!

My best defence will always be a great offense..... ....in more ways than one....

He's right, yaknow.

It's a brick in the wall.

And it's my wall......

And I really need to look at what it is I think I'm accomplishing with it--and why I continue to think it's necessary to give the message.....and how come I take a bit of pride in being 'untouchable'.

Shoot.

He's gonna want me to tell him the truth.......

*ack!*

k.....as long as he doesn't ask me to get all touchy feely and gakky...maybe....

Yup--today, because I need the practice.

....and apparently because I need the ((( hug ))).

I'll let WPIML take care of that one. LOL

Today's Reading

Instead of complaining about what you don't have, be truly thankful for all the goodness and richness that you do have.
Instead of resenting those who have wronged you, remember and rejoice for all those people who have lifted you up.

Patiently waiting......

Chirp!!

Boy do I feel much improved!

k....so I left work (again) with a headache that I couldn't quiet touch cuz it was 'in there' and 'up'. I musta found the right combination of 'so many of these, so many of those...'. Dunno.... But what I do know is that I feel loads better (headache wise) this morning. *checking* Nope--none! (and when you've had a hang-er on-er, exploding/receding headache for days.....NONE is great!)

No headache--and himself (to the best of my knowledge) is still breathing and on the planet.

It was close though.....verrrrry close.

'In the midst of a three day headache' is NOT the time to decide to check/install things that go 'CHIRP CHIRP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!!!!!!'

Yeah, well.....I think it was frustration on his part. After so many 'CHIRPS' and 'BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!'s' it was with great frustration on MY part that I untangled myself from cords and yanked myself from the darkness to hunt down the source of the 'CHIRP CHIRP' so I could rip it from it's life support.

Yeah.....well....it was in his hand ON the front porch.......'so it wouldn't disturb you' dontchaknow.

Apparently I appeared as disturbed as I was.
Yup--one carbon monoxide detector--he thought it was a good idea, given the amount of headaches I've had lately.
I'll give him that it's not a BAD idea....we have strips in the basement which are silent---but a chirping detector is sooooooooooooooo much better, I'm sure.
Just.......not in the middle of the stupid headache that's sending surging noises through my head, thankyouverymuch.

Yeah....well....... I did find bed again--only to be greeted with more of the 'CHIRP CHIRP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!!'.
(he thought he'd figured it out--he was wrong)

And then another 'CHIRP CHIRP CHIRPCHIRPCHIRP'.
(just checking the batteries in the smoke detector...yeah, they worked)

And another 'CHIRP CHIRP CHIRPCHIRPCHIRP'.
Followed by another 'CHIRP CHIRP CHIRPCHIRPCHIRP'.
(multiple smoke detectors--gotta make sure we're protected upstairs and down, dontchaknow)

Followed by another 'CHIRP CHIRP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!!!!'.
(uh huh....just making sure--after all, it's a new monitor and he needed to make sure he really DID get it right)

And yet ANOTHER 'CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRP CHIRPCHIRPCHIRPCHIRPCHIRPCHIRP'.
(Of course ....checking the weather alert--how silly to think that would be any less important, given that we live in tornado alley......come spring...which it ain't.....)


I really do think he's still alive.
I mean, I did do a cocktail of pain medications with the stupid headache.....so it's possible....

I know. I'll check in a caring and supportive way......I'll see how many 'CHIRP CHIRPs' it takes before he comes sprinting out to check for fire, fumes or swirling clouds of destrustion.

I mean, afterall--what's the point of the detectors and monitors if you don't have drills to make sure you're responding to them?

Lemme get the stopwatch......

TFTD

Perhaps we need to evaluate our perspective.
Are we trying to control something or someone?
Are we acting as if the world should be as we want rather than as it is?
Have our individual wills exceeded their natural bounds and spoiled the simple joy of being "without a further function"?

May I find the pleasure and exuberance today that come with being alive.
The simple power to be a person is "enough."

Things that make me happy

....quietly soaring eagles in a crystal blue sky.

....that before nite-nite hug.

....putting in that last piece of the puzzle.

....mushy cards just for me. :-)

....tax refunds! Woohoo!!

....that 'stuck wayyyyy in the back' package with new hose in 'em. LOL

....the soft sound of the wind chimes.

....mom's who send hot cross buns in the post--LOL
(By ship, no less. LOLOL)
I ain't opening that package and you can't make me. ROFL

Shadows

Fairy Thought

We all experience fear. Sometimes we fear small things that only seem large at the time. Sometimes we fear big things. Fear is healthy, and we all feel it. It keeps us from doing foolish things sometimes, but too much fear can also keep us from doing what we need for our growth.

Did I mention.....

.......she definitely likes 'psghetti?

I mean definitely likes it.....

Up and att'em.....

Up and att'em...I'm unsure how I feel. I just need to be upright.

Now a days it feels like I do varying degrees of unwell and it's more a matter of 'am I well enough' to do the day upright than anything else.

The girl was extremely helpful last evening--she let me whine and carry on. She's such a good girl....LOL And then there was himself who just wanted to shove me back into bed and barricade the door to keep me from gaining my freedom. I'm sure it's his protective self--but sheeeeshhhhhhh... No mercy is going to become his new name if he keeps it up....

I mean, c'mon.... Varying degrees of unwell is something I'm practiced at, even if I don't like it.

So I text the girl--cellphones are a good thing when you're barricaded in your bedroom. (reminder to self material next time I'm carrying on about cellphones.....)
I pointed out my history of 'unwellness' and grumbled and whined and carried on cuz I don't get howscome this ordeal is kicking my arse so badly. I mean, really--I've had to deal with bigger and awfuller things...

"Maybe cuz you were 10 years younger and 5 dress sizes larger?"

Smartie pants.....
SMARTIE PANTS!!

She's probably got a point......a small one.....sortakindamaybe....

Anyway--up and att'em.
It's a day for some big meeting with the CEO's that I don't especially wanna attend.
I know it's about a new Table of Organization--the economy and jobs.

And people's lives......

Up and att'em......

Fairy Reading

Life will never be free of conflict--nor should it be. Our lessons move us to higher planes of awareness. We can experience the joy hidden within the conflict. We can help one another remember that the sweetness of a moment is tied to the pain of a former, forgotten moment.

All events, all experiences, are connected. The path I travel, alone and with others, is bringing me brighter days. I will trust my path. It's right for me.

k....whinin'....

....sick.... of the headache kind..... Missed the last part of work cuz people kept lookin' at me sideways--well that and throwing up happened multiple times....

It better be headache only.
I am not revisiting the two plus week UCK I've been having to live in AGAIN.

Seriously--headaches happen.
But I am NOT doing two weeks of intestinal flu crap again.

NOT....
Just sayin'.......

k.....I'm whining.
This is gettin' older than old......

Weathered

Right then--

I'm not sure where it all leaves me.....

That's what I said to WPIML when I talked with him last evening. He's kinda new to my life--there's some pieces and bits he's yet to figure out/discover/have explained to him/witness....

He's a good fella. He suggested the 'don't borrow troubles'. I assured him I wasn't 'borrowing' them--I was setting 'em up and creating 'em. LOL No point in borrowing if you can create!

Once again the agency I work with is warping ahead into yet another change. When you work with people and this is the field you've chosen--you come to understand it's a way of life. I'm not anxious about the changes and I'm certainly not bothered to what they're telling me is a 'new way of doing things'. Rarely is it new--they're just different players and they haven't had this thought before. Trust me, it ain't 'new'.....been here done this under different leadership.

I just haven't been in this 'position' when the flip-flopping occurred before.
I managed to put good people in charge in other places who do a fine job--they make it easy for me....bless their hearts.
So when I looked the boss in the eye and said "This isn't less work for you...it's more. What can I do to help you have less?"--I meant it.

At least I think I meant it. LOL
It's not like I have a lot of play time.
But I didn't have a heart valve replaced--and I'm not the one who's looking at another procedure in the near future.

(I do, however, have 'scan and squish' to get done--I need to reschedule that thanks to yet another snowstorm..... Maybe I can get that rescheduled today....inbetween back to back to back meetings?)

I ain't borrowing troubles--I'm inviting them, apparently. LOL
Well......guess I figure out how I can do more and manipulate the circumstances so I can get it done.
That's AS soon as the boss tells me zackly what it is I can do to be of help to him........

OMGosh....I think I just blindly signed up for 'more' without knowing what 'more' I signed up for. What WAS I thinking?!

Today's Thought

"I can't help it" . . . that's what we all say when we don't want to exert ourselves.
—Eva Lathbury

Irresponsible behavior is not unfamiliar to us. Passivity is equally familiar. In the past, excusing ourselves of all responsibility prevented us from being blamed. We have learned that it also prevented us from feeling worthy, from fulfilling our potential, from feeling the excitement that comes with achievement.

Our fear of failure helped us to be irresponsible. We may still fear failure, but we forge ahead anyway. We will be shown the way to proceed. Our fellow travelers have messages for us that will smooth our path.

I have already said, "I can help it."
I will celebrate that I am taking responsibility for my life today.

Goin' with the flow

Fairy Dust

Today, I will think about the tasks and rewards of this day and trust the future for what is unanswered.

Finally.....Blue sky

Today's Fairy Reminder

The attitude we cultivate, whether one of love or selfishness, inferiority or superiority, will determine how the events of our lives affect us. The principle is so simple. If we meet life with love, with a smile, we'll find love and something to smile about.

My attitude will make this day what it becomes. Meeting it head-on, with love, will assure me of a lovely day.

Stupidtriticum.....

Ingredients: Purified Water, Cyclomethicone, Jojoba Ester, Pure Cane Sugar (Saccharium Officinalis), Dimethicone Copolyol, Refined Wheat Milk (Triticum Vulgare), Stearic Acid, Caprylic/Capric Triglycerides....

Hold on a minute....
No--really..... BACK up.... Ack! No, I don't need to research..... I KNOW. Oy......
k.
Refined Wheat Milk--otherwise known as Triticum Vulgare-- Vitamin E--otherwise known as Wheat Germ Oil....

*sigh* Have I ever mentioned I ain't suppose to have wheat products?

....rawr... *sigh*

Really-- it was a lovely prezzie.
Yup it's a part of a set that's just awesome--body lotion, bubblebath, bath sugars and soap bar even... I got it for the holidays. OhMyGosh is it awesome smelling and wonderful to just put on after the bath.

Triticum Vulgare...

Have I been using it for the past two months since I got it for a prezzie?
Ummmm...yes. Just about every night and multiple times during the day.

The hand cream is lovely, by the way.... I got it today as a part of my prezzie. The skin on my hands are cracked and awful..... I think I live my life dehydrated. *sigh*



k.....excuse me a minute.....
Triticum Vulgare.....

I think this is where I resort to symbols on the keyboard....

$%*&#$*!!!!!



k.....I feel sooooooo much better now......

Frosted cows

Happy ♥♥♥ to you

Fairy Thought

Just because something is popular does not necessarily mean that it has value.
Would you rather live in slavery imposed by what others think, or would you prefer the freedom of deciding for yourself?

Thought for the Day

The way to build endurance is to endure.
The way to build confidence at doing anything is to practice doing it.
The way to build a friendship is by being a friend.
The way to build trust is by being trustworthy.

The way to build a reputation for integrity is by being sincere and honest.

The way to build a life of meaning and fulfillment is by honoring and valuing every moment.

I'm not sure how we do it....

But on the way back from dinner out, on the darkened backroads-- we had a conversation, himself and I......

It started with a casual 'no moon tonight' and ended with piranha.

NO way am I even gonna try to 'splain that one. LOLOL

TFTD

When you discover that you're feeling negative, you have two choices. You can feel even more negative about the fact that you're feeling negative, or you can choose to turn your thoughts around.
When you've suffered a defeat, you can make it even worse by beating yourself up about it. Or, you can use it as a positive inspiration to turn yourself around and move forward in a more effective way.

The moment you realize you've strayed from the path, use that realization as a clear and compelling signal. Use it as a signal that it's time to re-commit and get yourself back on track.

QOTW 2/11/10

What's the last thing you celebrated?

I would say 'himself's birthday'....but we're yet to celebrate that one. All celebrations were ground to a halt when we both had to surrender to how sick we were. And really--I can't rightly count handing over his card, kissing the top of his head and heading back to bed as a 'celebration'. Or maybe it does count cuz the bug was here....I think.... Geeze, I was that sick--

Was it just last evening I stared him down and told him "We're GOING to have dinner out and a get-together with the bug and the girl and the other other boy to celebrate you being REALLY old this weekend. MAKE IT NOT SNOW--and make it so nobody's sick, will ya please!"?
Small wonder he's been moody about this birthday, huh!

k....

The last real 'celebration' -- the last REAL 'celebration' --

(this is Mel stalling to come up with something....)

The LAST real 'celebration' woulda been......

THIS WEEKEND!
I MEAN IT!!!

Today's Reading

If you compromise your integrity, it will quickly drain away and you'll always regret the loss.

When you do what you do, do what is right.

Even though you think no one will ever know, you will always know.

One right piece....

<-- we puzzled


(past tense of puzzle)







And I remain puzzled--as in perplexed and confused.

I don't get some folks.
Or maybe I do and I just don't like it.
For sure I don't like how my interactions with folks have had to go for the last while.
I swear that full moon did a number on people......

They're doing stupid things and I can't stop 'em!

That's it..
I'm getting out another puzzle and nobody's stopping me.

Ya know--the amazing thing about puzzles and me--I get so busy looking for 'just that right piece' that the rest of the world just sorta goes away.
Go figure.

Always searching for that 'one right piece'.......

Today's Reading

The pain of leaving those you grow to love is only the prelude to understanding yourself and others.
—Shirley MacLaine

Life is a process of letting go, letting go of conditions we can't control, letting go of people - watching them move out of our lives, letting go of times, places, experiences. Leaving behind anyone or anyplace we have loved may sadden us, but is also provides us opportunities for growth we hadn't imagined. These experiences push us beyond our former selves to deeper understandings of ourselves and of others.

So often those experiences that sadden us, that trigger pain, are the best lessons life is able to offer. Experiencing the pain, surviving the pain that wrenches us emotionally, stretches us to new heights. Life is enriched by the pain. Our experiences with all other persons thereafter are deeper. Instead of dreading the ending of a time, the departure of a loved one, we must try to appreciate what we have gained already and know that life is fuller for it.

Today will bring both goodbyes and hellos. I can meet both with gladness.

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Here's where I remind myself that it's a privilege that I remain here, on this planet.

I've gotten to do some incredible things in the past six years. Things that, by medical diagnosis and prognosis--I shouldn't have been around to do.
I've been graced with opportunity after opportunity to touch lives, to be a part OF.....to be connected to....

It's been a year since I opted to do what the physician asked me to do--take a low dose of medications once a week, keep an eye on the bloodwork... and keep on keepin' on.

Time's up--
Time to re-evaluate and decide what to do next. Time to step into the whir of diagnostic equipment and see where things are truly at--what's changed, what's not. Time to decide again, which route to take and where to go from here.
Time to show up (provided the snow will let me.....).
Time to do the 'hurry up and wait' that comes with tests and the specialist that's required to read them.

Time to remember that "All is well".
Time to remember "He didn't bring me this far to drop me".

Time to remember "Be still and know....."


Time to remember patience......

I don't do well with looking at alternatives and options and all the 'if/thens' that get presented to me.

But it's the 'hurry up and wait' that I struggle with the most.


All is well.

He didn't bring me this far to drop me.

Be still and know...



(Oh.....and "Dear G-d, please remove my brain. Amen.")

TFTD

There are beautiful possibilities that spring from the genuine person you are.

Through you, life experiences itself in a way that is unique and special. Live true to the best of who you are.

#2....that lives in the house that Mel built....

What I know this morning...

I know about people.
I don't know about news. I don't know about 'things'.
People is what I do--people is what I know. I know all about interpersonal relationships but don't ask me some fact, don't assume I know the news of the day......and you can bet I don't know the latest and greatest in technology.
I'm a dweeb when it comes to 'things'.

People--I know about.

So don't tell me lies.
I'll confront you with truths.
I'll lay the truths on the table for you to look at.
What you said, what you did....I'll even help you see who you affected--what your motives were....
Lying wouldn't be in your best interest......to you or to me.

WPIML tells me I'm the 'bearer of truth'.
That seems to be my 'job' out there.

It's what I do on the worksite. It's what I do when I'm called to help on an intervention. It's what I do interpersonally in my relationships....it's inately a part of who I am and what I get to do on this planet.

It must be a privileged task. But it's one I've had to work on.
I'm not allowed to just 'tell it like it is'. I know a whole lot of folks who'll 'tell it like it is' with little regard for the human being they're telling.

Not that it's always easy to swallow chunks of truth.

I choke on it myself. The truth isn't always a tasty morsel to swallow....

"Necessary, kind and true".....there's the guidelines. Not that it's flowery, not that it's all tied up in a pretty package and easy to swallow....but that's it necessary, that it's true--and that it's presented in the kindest way, given the circumstances.

I've gotten pretty good at shushing up until it meets the criteria. I've gotten pretty good at paying attention to the 'nudge from The Judge' and buying time when I'm clear that's what I'm suppose to do...but truth gets told...
So don't bother with telling the lies....I'll point 'em out and ask what's really true. And in some circumstances, I'll corner you with the truth about your actions/attitude until there's no squiggle room left and you're forced into silence cuz that's the only place to retreat to--silence or the truth on a platter and move forward.

Don't bother with lies.
There's a good chance you won't like the results.

It's not about my ego, it's not about 'being right'...it's about truth and being on the SIDE of what's right.

It's about integrity..... Yours.
....with you, with me, with others.

BE truthful.
Live true.

"I'm asking you because I know you'll tell me the truth."

Truth isn't such a bad thing to be known for.
It just ain't always comfortable.

This....I know......

TFTD

It may sometimes seem that life is what happens to you.
In truth, it is exactly the other way around.

Life is what you choose, what you do, what you think and what you create in each moment.
All the other things going on provide the space and circumstances in which you make your life happen.

What do you choose to do with this day?