We had storms

Tornado warnings--the works.

Oh, but the clouds were awesome!

BIT scary.

But still.....awesome......

March 31st

While everyone was crowded around the television because someone had tried to shoot the President--I was frowning and wonderin' if one was suppose to 'dribble' A LOT when one was pregnant.
Umm..... Nope.

Happy Birthday to the girl.

We'll do lunch and giggle and buy flowers for her flowerbeds and porch.
And we'll hug. Bunches......and bunches.

Oh, she is sooooooooo right....

A little bit of guitar
A little bit of truck
A little bit of hound dog
And a little bit of luck
A little bit of Bacon
A little bit of beans
A little bit of you lovin' up on me
And a little bit of how it supposed to be

A little bit of life

A little bit of backseat
A little bit of moon
A little bit of radio, a goin' boom boom boom
A little bit of sugar
A little bit of spice
A little bit of nasty, a little bit of nice
A little bit of how it supposed to be
A little bit of life

Chorus:
I breath in
I breath out
Yes sleepin' all night with the windows down
Up in the mornin' stirrin' around
Drink a pot of coffee and I head off to town
Work, Work, Work
All day long

Crank it up, back it up, bring it on home
Supper on the table and I eat me a bite,
Then we snuggle on the porch by the pale moon light
A little bit of me and you doin' alright
A little bit of life

A little bit of tractor
A little bit of farm
A little bit of cornfield
A little bit of barn
A little bit of come on
A little bit of play
A little bit of yee haw in the hay
A Dixie cup,
A homemade wine
A little bit of life

*Chorus

I breath in

I breath out

Yes sleepin' all night with the windows down

Up in the mornin' stirrin' around

Drink a pot of coffee and I head off to town

Work, Work, Work

All day long,

Crank it up, back it up, bring it on home

Supper on the table and I eat me a bite,

Then we snuggle on the porch by the pale moon light

A little bit of me and you doin' alright

A little bit of life

A little bit of back porch
A little bit of swing
A little bit of wind chimes goin' ding a ling
A little bit of TV
A little bit of couch
Popcorn smellin' up the house
Ala mode on a little slice of homemade pie
A little bit of Life

*Chorus

I breath in

I breath out

Yes sleepin' all night with the windows down

Up in the mornin' stirrin' around

Drink a pot of coffee and I head off to town

Work, Work, Work

All day long,

Crank it up, back it up, bring it on home

Supper on the table and I eat me a bite,

Then we snuggle on the porch by the pale moon light

A little bit of me and you doin' alright

A little bit of life
A little bit of me and you doin' alright

A little bit of life

A little bit of life.......

(and in case you wanna give a watch......go here )

G'head and sing along--ya know ya wanna!

BTW, Carolyn--himself agrees with his whole heart.... "little bit of me and you doin' alright, a little bit of life"!

;-)

Grrr?

You can think you're 'makin' em happy' and end up discovering you've not quite made the mark.
NOT that I make 'makin' em happy' my goal.
Frankly, I don't know that I'm in to 'makin' em happy' at all.

But I at least THOUGHT the boss would be satisfied with the request for vacation....I was sure he wouldn't 'disapprove'--and I was right about that one!

"Great. Approved."

(okay.....rather 'brief' email...but acceptable and it worked. I attached it to the request and went on my merry little way...)

And later in the day, I got another answer to the same email I'd sent with the request for vacation time.

"Approved Monday 4/2."
(I figured that was a mistake--I hadn't ASKED for Monday, April 2nd...)
Sent him a reply--'oops.....didn't ask for Monday?'

Got the reply:

"Wasn't asking you to ask. Approved Monday 4/2. Have a good three day weekend."

*frowning*
Sent the boss a reply to the reply to the reply:
'Tryin' to tell me something?'

"Just did."

k......I confess.
I 'grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ed'.

We're planning an adventure.....

Guess where we're going!
Yep....to the Pacific, to sleep over the ocean.
And we're gonna have an adventure getting there....
Three to five days getting/returning. We're planning for loads of "Oh LOOK...a CHICKEN!" moments.
And we're planning a good seven to ten days on the ocean.....in various places, wherever our feeties land.
AND we'll get to see the sister.
.......who's having surgery this morning on her eyes.
(prayers and positive, healing thoughts are appreciated)

*doing happy dance*
We're going on an adventure!!
(k......so it's in August.......we're still GOING...woooohoooooooo!!!!!!!)

The joys of the grape tomato

I haven't been 'on my way' for a long time.
Ya know---listening to that itty bitty sh*tty committee between my ears even in the midst of a crowd....not even knowing they were talking to me and making a hayday of it, noless!

Yeah, well, I was 'on my way' during dinner. LOL (the salad was wonderful, btw)

Himself was scrambling to make sure he'd cut the chunks of white cheese JUST the right size (why....I do not know....) and diligently trying to give me just the pleasing amount of black olives. LOL He's neurotic like that--and with little or no help from me!

We're sitting at the table and my stupid lettuce falls off the stupid fork and lands on the stupid floor:

Didn't know you married a slob, huh? (of course I'm staring at the lettuce on the floor and not bothering to pick it up...let it stay there and rot.)

"No ....I didn't." (he's so wordy when he's neurotic..LOL)

This is where he managed to bite into his little grape tomato and drizzle the juice out of his mouth and down the front of his shirt. And he did a stand-up job of it, noless. Straight down the shirt, multiple drizzlings accompanied with a few slurping noises as he tried (with no success whatsoever) to suck it back into its place.

Yep.
I lost it.
I lost it so much that he lost it.
I did offer him another tomatoey thingie so he could do it again.

He ALMOST tossed that olive at me......

Grrrr!

I was 'grrrrrrr'-ing at work and left a bit 'grrrrrr'-ish.
And now I'm 'grrrrrr-ing at home.
That'll teach me for trying to finish up some 'grrrrr' business from the house.

Himself, of course, thinks it's about him.
I'm now 'grrrrrr'-ing cuz he's thinking it's about him AND IT'S NOT.
Grrrr.

Isn't it silly how a simple "what would you like to do about dinner" goes haywire when you're having a 'grrrrrrr' moment?

Grrrr!!

Chicken with vegetables take out.
..k.....they're not opened.
Soup.
...k....you had soup earlier today.
Burger? *ack!* No more meats!
.....k....salad from the sandwich shop.
......k.....making it at home is fine. I thought you wanted a sammich?
....k....salad and black olives, tomatoes and white cheese.
....k...turkey sliced on top is fine if you'd like turkey.
.....k...........yes thank you, I think I'd like turkey on mine, too.

Grrrrr!!!
LOL

YES I know how silly this looks in black and white.
Just AS silly as it looks in real life.
Grrrr.

The wounded look.......

There's something wrong with our bed.

Okay--there's something wrong with our bed FOR ME.

I can't seem to stay in it.

I lay there and everything in my back seizes up on me.

And I mean seizes up--as in pain.
That's been happening off and on since the back surgery.
Now it's more on than off.

The intention has been to ignore the darn problem and just 'deal'.

'Deal' seems to mean that I awaken a couple of hours later, roll outta bed and hold my breath cuz it's not a fun experience.......and find my way to a few tylenol.......and stumble to the guestroom bed to lay corner to corner and fight for a comfy spot and a few hours of sleep.

I'm not pleased.

Himself is neurotic enough to wonder if it's about him.

Oy........

So I'm gonna research.....cuz I can't abide by this slipping outta bed to sleep in the guestroom deal.
PASS!!!!!!

Makes me cranky.
We talked it and he looked wounded.....and I'm STILL creeping out half way through the night to do painkillers.
Maybe one of those 'select your firmness' beds is a good plan?
Cuz he can't do soft and I'm pretty clear my back isn't going to do firm anymore.

Waking up to Snoopy isn't ALL bad....it's just not who I wanted to be sharing the bed with, dangit!

Stupid mattress.
Stupid back....

*grumbling*

Sleep is a waste of time anyway....how about if I just don't do it--I mean, I'm not doing a whole heck of a lot of it anyway, right?

*grumbling*

Punt, pass and run like he**!!

Punt.

Sometimes I'm not clear in what it is I oughta be doing/saying so I make it up as I go along.

Is that surprising to anyone?

Probably not. LOL

Himself has discovered this and was surprised as all get out.

"You just made that up!"

*nodding smuggly*

But I sounded darn smart, didn't I......like I knew what I was talking about?

"You just made that up!!"

Yep......but it was a darn good answer, dontcha think?

"You just made that up!!"

:-D

Running quick is required for people who punt. Mad dashes happen a LOT in this household.

*shrugs*
Sometimes---I punt.

TFTD....

When we begin to take our failures non-seriously, it means we are ceasing to be afraid of them. It is of immense importance to learn to laugh at ourselves.--Katherine Mansfield

Perfectionism and its control over our lives stands seriously in the way of our growth and well-being, emotionally, spiritually, and even physically.

Life's lessons come through failures probably more than successes.

Through our failures we learn humility.

We learn to look to others for help and guidance.

We learn how to let others fail, too.

We fail because we are human.

When we no longer fear failure, we are free to attempt greater feats.

We dare to learn more, and life is fuller for it--not just our own lives, but the lives that we touch.

Laughter over our mistakes eases the risk of trying again.

Laughter keeps us young, and the lighthearted find more pleasure in each day.

I will fail at something I try today.

I can laugh about it, though.

My laughter will open the way to another try.

Sick and wrong....

Some people are like Slinkies...
(Not really good for anything, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs)



Now, I want you to know that I laughed hysterically when I got that sent to me.
And I want you to know I'm still chuckling about it.
NOT that I'd push anyone....

*hanging head and going to the corner*

Sick and wrong, Mel.
(please ignore what sounds like chuckling from the corner--that which you water and nurture, you will make grow!)

PREZZIES!!!!!!!

I got PREZZIES!!
:-)

Candy!
And a bitty chicken coin purse (ain't he cute!...or she....gosh, I gotta go find some spare change now).
And a pretty book to write in (inventory journal, noless!).
And a matching book to put notes in (I'll find a grand use for that one).
And an box with MORE candies in it.
And a pretty wee framed picture.
AND.......duckie marshmellows!
Yeah, yeah--I know you can't really SEE them in the photo very good, but they're yellow with pink heads and pink little duckie wingies! (I already tore the head off of two of 'em.....and ATE 'em! :-)
AND!!!
I got an sparkley green egg bubble necklace!!
*nodding smuggly*
I'm wearing it tomorrow to my administrative meeting.
Yup.
Guaranteed to clash with whatEVER I put on my body tomorrow--no doubt about it!

:-D
Just LET the boss get snarfy with me tomorrow! HA!!

OH!!
And I got a chicken tablet with an egg magnet.
I gotta work hard at remembering to write a list of something I don't wanna forget so I can use him TONIGHT!
*chuckling*
Maybe I oughta write a reminder to write myself a reminder!!

*doing happy dance*
I got prezzies!! I got prezzies!!

Polyester woman......*grumbling*

Seriously---I haffta do some clothes shopping.

My whole life.......and I mean my whole LIFE..I've sworn I would NOT do polyester pants with elastic waist bands.
I donned a pair of those suckers when I turned thirty--the kind with the seam stitched up the front. LOL I didn't last six hours and I threw 'em off and put the Levis back on. I figured I turned thirty and needed to know what I wasn't going to become or do! LOL

I SWORE I wasn't gonna do polyester pants with elastic waist bands......yet I'm dangerously close.

Close enough for himself to refer to me as 'you old polyester woman, you'. (I let him live but he is limping!)
No, there's no elastic waist band--but they're polyester slacks and that counts.
People at work are 'ooohhhh-ing' and 'ahhhhh-ing' and making statements about me 'dressing like an administrator all of a sudden?'.

I NEED TO GO CLOTHES SHOPPING!

When the only thing that fits without making a wrinkle across your rearend is the polyester/spandex slacks that you've shoved to the back of the closet cuz you loathe them (and gave up wearing them YEARS ago, when you were sizes smaller, for anything BUT dressed up occasions)-- it's a 'sad day, indeed'.
*grumbling*
"You old polyester woman, you"........and I let him LIVE?
*grumbling*

QOTW 3/25

If you could 'take back' one thing you've said in your life, what would it be?

'Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me'....I always tell the kiddos and families I work with that that saying is one of the biggest lies on the face of the planet.

Cuz it is.

I remember vividly the words my father said to me--and the pain therein.
The bruises are a faded memory and have turned to just words.

But the words.......stuck with me long past the healing of the physical.

I told my father many equally wrong and painfully awful things.

The day I screamed at him what a rotten father he was, how everyone was 'right' about what a rotten father he was, how I should have 'got going' while the 'going was good' along with all the rest of them....that he didn't love me and should have been the one who died, not my mother...

He cried.

And I was glad.
I got what I wanted at that moment. I got to leave the house and do what I wanted to do.

And I did damage beyond repair at that moment. I just didn't know it.
I gave him more reasons to cry at night and I just didn't know it, nor did I care to know it.

I cut him to the quick--and wanted to....for a lousey moment on the town to do as I wanted to do AT THAT MOMENT.

"Sticks and stones....."

Lies.

Patio sitting HAS arrived!!

We sat outside yesterday! :-)

Took me half a day to get to feeling semi-normal. (whatever that is..LOL)
But we hauled out the folding patio chairs and the little table and took our coffee outside yesterday after dinner.

It was GREAT!
Grackles EVERYwhere....robins galore. We even got to see the 'nut hatchery dude' who seemed, at least initially) to have forgotten who that nice lady is that feeds him! HELLO??!!! That would be ME.....you get BACK here and eat those peanuts, dangit! (that worked, btw.....it wasn't that he was hungry, mind you, it was my 'command' to return that brought him back!)

And I moved the leaves off the rock garden to find green things. :-)
GREEN things!!!!
Which means I didn't kill 'em off during the winter. I'da been sad if they'd have disappeared.

It was so great to plant it outside on the patio, even if it was gray and hazy--being on the patio was totally wonderful.
I was so inspired that when I went back inside, I started a whirlwind of winterclothes packing.

Tubs everywhere. Clothes everywhere. LOL And of course I started the adventure late enough that it's not finished.
No worries--just put the tubs on the floor and toss the garbage bag to the side.

It was a good solution at the moment it was executed.
However, early morning stumblings and tubs on the floor don't quite mix.

The good news--the garbage bag filled with 'throw away clothes' softened the stumbling?
I have today to work on getting the tubs outta the way.
That's IF I don't spend all my time on the patio. :-D

Go figure....fairy conspiracy....

What if we knew for certain that everything we're worried about today will work out fine?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the problem bothering us would be worked out in the most perfect way, and at the best possible time?

Furthermore, what if we knew that three years from now we'd be grateful for that problem, and its solution?

What if . . . we knew that even our worst fear would work out for the best?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that everything that's happening, and has happened, in our life was meant to be, planned just for us, and in our best interest?

What if . . . we had a guarantee that the people we love are experiencing exactly what they need in order to become who they're intended to become?

What if . . . we knew the future was going to be good, and we would have an abundance of resources and guidance to handle whatever comes our way?

What if . . . we knew everything was okay, and we didn't have to worry about a thing?

What would we do then? We'd be free to let go and enjoy life.
Let go--enjoy life!

(yeah, yeah....I know....."BE STILL AND KNOW".)

Sleeping with Bread

Who knows where this will end up.
Sometimes fingers go to the keyboard and we just 'arrive'.

Conversations with G-d......

Most people consider prayer a conversation--I guess it is... of sorts. That used to be the extent of my conversations with The Big Guy.
But I'm talking conversations with G-d...I mean I talk with G-d on a regular basis. And about the dumbest things.
Ya know--those moments when you're wondering "why ME". I look up and mutter "yeah, yeah.....why NOT me".
Those moments when you're particularly awed by what's played out in front of you...."Okay--you're gooooooood!! VERY good!"
Those moments when you're not particularly impressed by what's played out in front of you........"I'm gonna trust you know what you're doing. But in case you're particularly interested--which I KNOW you are--that is NOT how I woulda ran the show."
Wanna hear G-d laugh--that'll do it. Leastwise, I'm pretty clear He's laughing. I can feel Him chuckling.

Interestingly enough, I get mixed reviews when I tell people that G-d talks to me.
I have those who look at me and wonder if psychotropic medications need to be ordered. LOL I have those who try really, really hard to keep a straight face. Then there are those who wanna know the ins and outs of the conversations.
I'm almost sure I sound like my Jewish Grandmother with those conversations--probably look like her a bit too. Tossing your arms up and looking to the heavens and doing that talk.... Undoubtedly I look like her! LOL

Today's conversation was pretty brief.
It wasn't much of a conversation--it was more of a demands list. I used to think G-d was the extortionist. I'm clear today, *I* was.
Mostly it's cuz I'm a bit 'concerned' about a few things--and I'd kindly like if He'd bother to put the rest of the world on hold while He takes care of the things I'd like Him to take care of, of course IN the manner I'd like them taken care of, thanksverymuch.
Like the pigeon who's diagnosed with a brain tumor who's midway through a conversation with me when she starts to make no sense. I know this isn't a 'good sign' and I don't like how that one's playing out. Please make arrangements to take care of her the way I'd LIKE her to be taken care of, thankyou.
And then there's the gal at work who's really struggling with her chemotherapy--lighten up a bit on her too, will ya?
And the boy--when WILL you get 'around' to getting his attention so he's not trashing the lives of two innocents.........speed that up a bit too, please.
Oh....and a I have a couple friends who are losing people that are important in their life, inch by inch, day by day......You COULD do for them what you did for me--that'd be cool.
And you know what *I* get?

BE STILL AND KNOW.....

Yep, I know.......oh BOY do I know.
I also know I'm not happy with how things are playing out here.

(I kinda sorta don't think that's what He meant.)

Be still and know?
*sigh*

Don't get me wrong. I know He's got great plans for those lives--which may or may not materialize on this planet.
I know He's a loving and all knowing G-d.
And I'm keenly aware that the plans have already been set without consulting me. Though I would like to be consulted ONCE in a while..... I can accept that not all things are going to go to my liking. I THINK I can accept this......most days....when I'm centered and I shut up and BE STILL AND KNOW.

Ah........
Probably why I'm 'hearing' what I'm hearing, huh?
Don't let it be said that you can't have 'faith' and fear at the same time.
I do.
Faith=Fear Ain't In The House
Dunno that I agree with that any more.

Love seems to be the darn answer more and more....
Cuz that's the answer when I really DO decide to 'BE STILL AND KNOW'.
Love.

I can do that.

I'd suppose that's my 'job' TO do.

My biggest desolation this week seems to be (by my own admission) my lack of willingness to love freely and being so hellbent (bad word, I'm sure) on not looking stupid and weak and sniveling and sappy and....yeah, all that 'stuff' that I LET get in the way of just letting it look how it really IS for me.....

Ironically, that's my biggest consolation this week.
Love......That I get an opportunity every day TO love.
Cuz I sure as heck didn't do it perfectly yesterday.
And I sure as heck didn't do it perfectly today.
I'm even pretty skeptical that I'm going to do that perfectly once the sun comes up tomorrow.
But thank G-d that I get a chance to keep perfecting it, eh?

Okay.
I can be STILL and KNOW, now.

Gemstones

1. Go to Wikipedia and type in your Birthday Month and day only.
October 1

2. List 3 Events that occurred that day.
1880 - John Philip Sousa becomes leader of the United States Marine Corps Band. (can'tcha just hear "Semper Fidelis" and "The Stars and Stripes Forever"!?)

1908 - Ford introduces the Model T car. (g'head and laugh....I did!)
1955 - First episode of The Honeymooners starring Jackie Gleason aired on CBS. The show lasted 39 episodes. ("To the MOON, Alice!!")

3. List 2 important Birth days.
1935 - Julie Andrews, British actress and singer
Uh oh.......ya KNOW if I even start, I'll be humming her all night!

1921 - James Whitmore, American actor
AND him.........geeze......small wonder I get stucksongitus, huh?

4. List 1 Death.
2000 - Robert Allen, American pianist and songwriter Okay.....this is where I lose my determination and start anyway!

*humming*

Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin

The moment you come into view

Chances are you think that I'm in love with you

Just because my composure sort of slips

The moment that your lips meet mine

Chances are you think my heart's your Valentine

In the magic of moonlight when I sigh, "Hold me close, dear"

Chances are you believe the stars that fill the skies are in my eyes

Guess you feel you'll always be the one and only one for me

And if you think you could

Well, chances are your chances are awfully good

Chances are you believe the stars that fill the skies are in my eyes

Guess you feel you'll always be the one and only one for me

And if you think you could

Well, chances are your chances are awfully good

The chances are your chances are . . . awfully good

5. List a Holiday or Observance. (if any)
World Vegetarian Day (Have I ever mentioned I'm not that fond of meats?)

6. Tag 5 other bloggers.
Oh, just feel free! LOL

The fairies have arrived......

It is time to stop this nonsense of running around picking on ourselves.

We may have walked through much of our life apologizing for ourselves either directly or indirectly - feeling less valuable than others, believing that they know better than we do, and believing that somehow others are meant to be here and we are not.

We have a right to be here.
We have a right to be ourselves.
We are here.
There is a purpose, a reason, and an intention for our life.
We do not have to apologize for being here or being who we are.

We are good enough, and deserving.
Others do not have our magic.
We have our own magic.
It is in us.

It doesn't matter what we've done in our past.
We all have a past, woven with mistakes, successes, and learning experiences.
We have a right to our past.
It is ours.
It has worked to shape and form us.
As we journey, we shall see how each of our experiences will be turned around and used for good.

We have already spent too much time being ashamed, being apologetic, and doubting the beauty of ourselves.
Be done with it.
Let it go.
It is an unnecessary burden.
Others have rights, but so do we.
We are neither less than nor more than.
We are equal.
We are who we are.
That is whom we were created and intended to be.

That, my friend, is a wonderful gift.

Free Space

Since December I've been 'missing' one of my key staff members. She's dealing in her second round of chemotherapy for ovarian cancer and she's doing a good battle. I miss the gal--not because of the workload that's left me with........I truly just miss the gal, she's one of the key players in the team that makes a huge difference for the staff, who plays a huge part in the lives of the kiddos and families we're priviledged to work with.

Since December I've been pulling extra duties, on top of my extra duties, to cover some of the duties she performed. (that's a whole LOT of duties! LOL)

Every weekend since December I've been the oncall person to answer questions and 'put out fires'.

This will be the first weekend in near four months that I won't actually be 'oncall'.

Four months!

So, what'd I do yesterday with a REAL FREE weekend?

I went to bed with a killer of a headache. LOLOL

And this morning--day two of my 'free' weekend.......I'm doing that 'hangover' from the killer headache. I'm not so sure it's gonna stay small--I could end up crawling back into bed with the icepacks. It's a crapshoot......

Himself checked on me last night--about elevenish......and felt bad for me. "I'm sorry. It's your first free weekend in four months and here you are, sickly. Seems very unfair....."

Not true.

I still say G-d took good care of me.

Imagine trying to do oncall, 'putting out fires' AND answering questions that need answers WITH that killer headache.

Flack

The pain of change is a reality.

But so is the pain of no change - when change is called for.

In spite of our desires, changing others will never be an option, whereas changing ourselves takes only a decision and is a choice always available.

We can take an inventory for a moment.

What are we presently doing that makes us ashamed or angry or fearful?

We can let go of that behavior and responsibly choose a new tack.

If strength is needed, or confidence to try a new behavior, we can simply ask that it be ours.

Most of our struggles, today as in the past, are attached to persons and situations we are trying to forcibly control.

How righteous our attitudes generally are!

And so imposing is our behavior that we are met with resistance, painful resistance.

Our recourse is now and always to "accept those things we cannot change, and willingly change that which we can."

~~~~~~~~~

When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people.
That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.

We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care.

That is not our responsibility.

We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them.
Let them have their feelings.
Let them have their reactions.
But continue on your course anyway.

If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system.
If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no.
If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop.
That's normal.
We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care.
Not abuse, mind you flack.

If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled.
That's okay.
That's flack too.
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change.
We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention.
It doesn't deserve it.
It will die down.
Today, I will disregard any flack I receive for changing my behaviors or making other efforts to be myself.

_____________________

I'm figuring that's two for two for the reading fairies this morning.

Flack.
And accepting the things I cannot change--which is other people's flack. LOL

Really, I'm sure the readings had nothing to do with yesterday's administrative meeting when I called a few things to the attention of the others in the room and darn near went for a walk. (walks around buildings=cool off before you blow 'em all up.....get it together and just say what's necessary and true in the kindliest way that you can muster)

But there was that wee little inkling in me to just breathe where my feet were instead of reacting to the 'flack'. GOOD call!! LOL

The boss assured me that even if HE didn't like what I said, he was going to have to take a look at it because it was 'true'....but he didn't LIKE it.

I think I musta sounded a bit like wisepersoninmylife when I quietly chimed "it's not required you LIKE something to look at it and change it".

The boss even managed to pull a face to that one. LOL

So I asked (cuz I'm nosy like that) if he didn't 'move me' into a different position for this very reason........cuz I BELIEVE so very much like him and will stand by those beliefs even when they're not popular and are met with resistence.

Of course he did.

He just didn't expect me to challenge HIM.......

ROFLMAO

The good news--I know he'll look at it.
The gooder news--I know others will be disturbed what I put out there.
The not so good news....people will come armed for battle cuz it threatened the way they DO things.......or don't do 'em....

Flack sucks. LOL

Today's weather report........

So I'm home alone.
Himself is out at a model club meeting.....and I'm with a great pot of coffee that he made for me before he left for the meeting. (whadda sweetheart!)

I visited a message board...and stopped at a well-loved place.
And now I'm just thanking my lucky chickens.
Okay.......they're not really 'lucky' chickens.
They're not even chickens.
But I know how graced I am to have been where I've been -- to still get this chance at something wonderful in life........*sigh*

I did have a heart stopping moment when the physician rang with bloodwork results today. One of those 'The doctor rang the office and wanted you to give them a ring back' messages from the secretary will get me going.
I gotta work with her on that one....

I had about fifteen seconds "call, don't call, call, don't call". LOL I'm like that......it's like the 'lie, truth, lie, truth, lie, truth' thinking that happens in my brain. OF COURSE I NEED TO TELL THE TRUTH....doesn't stop me from tossing around those fifteen seconds of dancing with the 'fun' of running people around the block a few times..(g'head and tell me that's NOT 'fun'! I know.....I know........)

The physician was "impressed" with my bloodwork.
Okay, so the white cell count's low--alert the news media, I am immune deficient. The cholesterol stuff I passed with flying colours--I'm way under on the bad cholesterol and he asked what I was eating. LOL (I did assure him that he didn't wanna know!) NO sign of diabetes, thyroid problems, liver problems, kidney problems--and the blastic count was still at an acceptable level so I still earn the status of 'remission'. Wooohoooo!!!!

So, why the weight loss?
*shrugs*
MOST people apparently gain weight when they get all hormonal with their 'change' in life. At this moment he's suggesting "you're appearing to do it different than most people".
GO FIGURE.
I can live with that answer today, cuz we checked out the big things and ruled out several of them.
If I keep dropping weight like I've been dropping---I get to return.
He'll be passing on all the testing 'stuff' to Dr. Neo-Nazi.
Okey dokey.
And "don't forget" to follow up on the pictures of my brain. LOLOL
Okay then!!

*snickering*
They'll tell get all somber and look nervous about what they're seeing.....LOL...but okey dokey!
I think we're pretty good to go on snow being a factor.
Yes thank you, I think I'd like to schedule that appointment AGAIN.

And I'll locate that "please excuse Mel from messing with the tech" pass. I just KNOW I'm gonna need it! *snickering*

ONWARD to another cuppa coffee!!

I swear it's personal......

Some of us may become afraid of losing out on a particular opportunity if we don't commit.
It is true that we will lose out on certain opportunities if we are unwilling to commit.
We still need to weigh the commitment.
We still need to become clear about whether that commitment seems right for us.
If it isn't, we need to be direct and honest with others and ourselves.Be patient.
Do some soul searching.
Wait for a clear answer.

We need to make our commitments not in urgency or panic but in quiet confidence that what we are committing to is right for us.
If something within says no, find the courage to trust that voice.

This is not our last chance.
It is not the only opportunity we'll ever have.
Don't panic.
We don't have to commit to what isn't right for us, even if we try to tell ourselves it should be right for us and we should commit.
Often, we can trust our intuitive sense more than we can trust our intellect about commitments.
In the excitement of making a commitment and beginning, we may overlook the realities of the middle.
That is what we need to consider.
We don't have to commit out of urgency, impulsivity, or fear.
We are entitled to ask, Will this be good for me?
We are entitled to ask if this commitment feels right.

I'm pretty convinced it's the 'invasion of the Reading Fairies'!
Gotta tell ya, it's not every day that they all gang up on me and hit me over and over again on top of the head.
And I do want you to know-- I didn't toss ONE book during this 'moment'.
(But I'm pretty convinced the groans and mutterings were audible from the study.)

It's okay though. LOL
I'm almost betting these weren't all about MEMEME.
*nodding smuggly*
Fact is, I'm certain they delivered to the wrong house!
(g'head.......say it all together now "liar, liar, pants on fire!!") LOL
It's okay though.
I'm actually 'in the mood' to listen this morning.
NOT that it means I'll DO anything....
Afterall, I didn't toss the books!!
Sometimes I think I oughta get credit for what I don't do!!
(stay tuned for the reaction of wisepersoninmylife as I give him that tidbit of wisedom! LOLOL)

TFTD #2

Poor Humpty ended up such a scrambled egg.
Maybe that's what comes from sitting too long in one place, choosing neither this way nor that, playing both sides against the middle.
Maybe he played too much politics, got too much advice, had too much to think about.

When the centipede was asked which leg he first moved when setting out on a stroll, he got those legs all tangled in his mind and couldn't walk at all.
It is better to be simply moved by those around us, or by our Higher Power, with faith and love.
When our thoughts fail, their hearts, hands, and eyes will show the way.
Do I sometimes decide my fate by refusing to decide?

TFTD #1

Humility accompanies every experience wherein we let ourselves fully listen to others, to learn from them, to be changed by their words, their presence.

Each opportunity we take to be fully present to another person, totally with them in mind and spirit, will bless us while it blesses them.

Offering and receiving the gift of genuine attention is basic to the emotional growth of every human being.

Many of us so suffered from obsessive self-centered pity that we seldom noted the real needs or pain of the people close to us.

We closed ourselves off, wallowing in our own selfish worries, and our growth was stunted.

Some days we still wallow.

But a new day has dawned. We are learning to look beyond ourselves to all the "children of God" in our daily lives.

From each of them we have many secrets to learn.

TFTD

There's a period of life where we swallow a knowledge of ourselves and it becomes either good or sour inside.--Pearl Bailey

For too many of us, feelings of shame, even self-hatred, are paramount.
No one of us has a fully untarnished past.
Every man, every woman, even every child experiences regret over some action.
We are not perfect.
Perfection is not expected in the Divine plan.
But we are expected to take our experiences and grow from them, to move beyond the shame of them, to celebrate what they have taught us.

Each day offers us a fresh start at assimilating all that we have been.
What has gone before enriches who we are now, and through the many experiences we've survived, we have been prepared to help others, to smooth the way for another, perhaps, who is searching for a new direction.
We can let go of our shame and know instead that it sweetens the nuggets of the wisdom we can offer to others.
We are alike.
We are not without faults.
Our trials help another to smoother sailing.

Sooooo......

If I showed the bruise on my arm would ya'll feel sorry for me?

Himself did.
We were comparing sites of blooddraws this evening. He's got some viral somethingorother and had a draw done....poor thing!

Of course, his looks like some tiny little pin prick and mine looks like someone used a battering ram on my arm. *shrugs* I bruise easy?
I didn't get sympathy from him, either....... LOL

The good news--the doc didn't make me climb on the scale. GOOD doc!!
The so-so news.......three vials of blood later I went home with just as few answers as I had going in.....'cept he made me feel better for some reason.


They'll check the thyroid, check for diabetes (family history 'stuff'), they'll check for cholesterol (WHY I don't have a clue! Probably one of those 'as long as I've gottcha' tactics, huh?) and they'll rule out a host of other things. Oh......and they'll check hormone levels. LOLOL Yes, they'll tell me I have 'em. The Brit will feel vindicated and life will be good once more! *rolling eyes*

They immediately 'ruled out' the leukemia being active......obviously the doc felt compelled to check that out (even though I'd JUST had that checked a month ago) cuz he put a rush on that one.
But I was feeling better before they rang back with those results this afternoon.
(Heck, I didn't even know he was going to check on that one!)

Maybe it was all in the showing up? Dunno.
Really--I have no more answers than I did going in.
But--I do feel better.

Heaven forbid that the reason that happened had to do with just BEING responsible!
I'd really, really, REALLY hate to tell wisepersoninmylife that he was RIGHT!!

Happy Little Kite!!

:-) Yep---it's that time again!! For a whole YEAR the kites have been shoved in little pouches. The poor things.
Himself's BIG Kite has more room in his pouch......Little Kite folds into it's own little pocket, tail and all. How would YOU feel if you'd been shoved into a little pocket with your tail for a whole year?
Definitely past time to FREE THE KITES!!!!
Or........at least TRY to free the kites? Okay......so I was a tad excited and wanted Little Kite upUPUP--NOWNOWnow. Obviously Little Kite had other plans? LOL

Himself, on the other hand, was quite planful about the whole escapade. Oh yeah....laid BIG Kite out all neat and tidy while I'm running around tossing mine up in the air yelling "FLY Little Kite...FLY!!!!!!" *rolling eyes*

Little Kite did manage to get wayyyyyy up there.
I was rather puffed up and sassy that tossing him in the air and cheering on Little Kite actually worked!!
Only-- HIM of little faith doubted that it would. HA!!!!! :-P
And then there was HIMSELF's kite. Planfully and strategically placed into flight in a 'sensible' manner.
Geeze....
He didn't even TALK to his BIG Kite. Poor BIG Kite--I'm sure he felt slighted.
Little kite did a standup job of soaring, obviously encouraged by the cheerful instructions I hollered to him. "UP Little Kite......UPUPUP"
Yeah, yeah.........BIG Kite held his own. But I was thinkin' he looked kinda sad--a bit envious even!! How would YOU like being stuffed in a bag for months WITH YOUR TAIL and when you were finally drug out.... NOone talked to ya?!
:-) Now--tell me.....doesn't that look like a very, very HAPPY Little Kite?

*squinting and looking hard*

Yep.........definitely looks HAPPY!!

*chewing a straw*

Yep...I'm really chewing a straw.
That's cuz I'm not taking my morning coffee and I'm a little out of sorts.

Did the doctor TELL me he wants a 'fasting blood draw'--nope.......but he's gonna want one. LOL
So I'm fasting. That's so when he says he's ordering one, I can say 'readysetgo--you can take that pint of blood outta me now!'
Ya know.......fasting isn't a bad plan as long as coffee's involved. They oughta allow for coffee with a fasting blood draw! (but I'm proned to think they oughta allow for coffee under every circumstance!)

Coffee's NOT involved and I'm at that point of deciding "he didn't ORDER it--to HECK with going coffee-less!!"

Arrrghhhhh!!!!
*chewing straw*

OH LOOK!!! There's two robins sitting on the tree branch outside my window.
:-)

Nope. LOLOL
I STILL wanna cuppa coffee BAD!!

Ta da!!

:-)

I've finished the gazillion thank you cards I had sitting, waiting to be personally written in.

AND I finished filling the 'good eggs' that I'm sticking in my staff's mailboxes--crammed with chocolate goodies!!!

AND......

We have leftovers!

Anyone for chocolate eggs? Milk or dark chocolate?
How about butterfinger eggs?
Peanut butter cups?
Malted mild ball eggs?

Twix/kit kat candy bars?

Oh.
My.
Gosh.

What WAS I thinking?!?!
I shoulda bought black jelly beans, dangitall!

QOTW 3/18

In terms of physical proximity--how close it 'too close'?

I'd say that all depended on the nature of your relationship with me....and I'm not even sure THAT'S accurate. I'm not exactly the 'physical' type. I don't touch people when I talk and I don't particularly like being touched by 99.9% of the people that talk to ME.

Don't get me wrong. I'm far from 'standoffish'. Fact is, I've been told over and over and over that I possess this 'charisma' that draws people towards me......what that's about, I don't have a clue..... And apparently I have this 'warmth' about me that makes folks want to physically 'touch'/connect for some reason.
WHY, I don't know...I've never considered myself one of those 'warm fuzzy' kinda gals.
Wisepersoninmylife chuckles and tells me to get over it and stop trying to control that.
He could be 'right'. LOL

I'm pretty candid with people about the boundaries I have when it comes to physical proximity and physical touch. It's probably a bit broader/wider than the majority of folks. I had a training exercise once-upon-a-time where we were asked to tell the person to 'stop' when the person moved into that 'not comfy with you being so close' zone.

Pity the poor person who partnered with me and barely lifted a foot before I hollered "STOPWHOAANDSTAYPUTRIGHTTHEREBUSTER!!"

*chuckling*
I can be a bit sensitive about that 'personal space' deal.

I've had a gal friend for YEARS she's never been hugged by me--but she can be the recipient of that 'pat on the shoulder' over and over again. I've got a another gal that I've been working with for two months that got a side hug from me just the other day.
Wisepersoninmylife puts me in a headlock and musses up my hair. LOL

I mighta hugged him four times in the YEARS of our relationship-- and I love him to BITS!

It's not length of time and it's nothing personal, even though it's something very, very personal to ME......
People find ways into my heart without even being conscious they're doing it.
And there are others who purposed to get into my heart.
That 'feel' of closeness isn't criteria for physical touch or against physical touch.

*scratching head*

Maybe wisepersoninmylife is right and I just need to 'get over yourself and LET people care about you HOW they wanna care about you'?

*shaking head*
Not if it means touchin' me!!!!!!!!! LOLOL
Ewwww.... :-P

C'monnnnnnnn SPRING!!!

Ya gotta look realllllllll close. And shhhhhhhhh....quietly...... :-)

Babies!!
Wee, bitty baby beaks! (or butts? LOL)

Can you note the size of the geranium leaf--you'll get a good idea of the babies size if you do....

And Mama Hummer sitting on her nest.
Ain't she cute?

C'MON SPRING!!
Geeze.
My sister gets all the fun stuff and I'm feeling cheated, dangit!!

You can think.

You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself.

I'm going to work myself into a state of crappiness--if I've not already arrived, that is.

I'm more than a bit miffed with ME.

Why?

Pajamas.

Simple and true.

Wisepersoninmylife asked what was up my..ummm.... rearend....

LOL...lovely way to show concern about a person, dontchathink?!

Truth is--I'M up my rearend.

It all went 'kaBOOM' when I put on pajama's last night.
I'd been trying to give myself a break cuz I 'got around to' making the stupid doctor's appointment even if it's way later than I should 'gotten around to it'.

I've barked at the Brit a number of times (and it's really not about HIM).
I've managed to say 'no' to visiting with a few people I probably oughta be visiting WITH.
And I've been trying to ignore that the two week old slacks that I grabbed whilest I was out cuz nothing else was fitting--are now falling off me, too.

I'm 'restless, irritable and discontent' and I know it.

And then I put on my snowflake jammies and realized that they're officially swimming on me.

And of course--like any pissed off individual with an internet connection.....I made the fatal error of going on a 'search'.

Feeling a bit out of control, Mel?
Add to it and google THIS!

*rolling eyes*

It's all stupid.
The whole point of making the freaking appointment was to get people off my rearend (BAD motives!!) and now I've crawled UP it?!
Wisepersoninmylife suggested that I 'shut up and do what's in front of me...show up and get over it'. (he's compassionate like that..)

Fine. Yes thankyou, I think I'd like to do that.

'And BE NICE.'

Yeah, yeah.....that's the part I'm sucking at right now.

I'm not sure being nice to ME is required at this moment in time.

"The rule is easy on others, hard on ourselves."

Good thing!
Cuz all told, it's really ME I'm pissed off at.

(and no....we're not talking about the 'fear'--cuz no matter what I 'feel', I'm still responsible for how I ACT.)

The Irish Fairy

You can think.
You can feel.
You can solve your problems.
You can take care of yourself.

Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice.
How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting others and ourselves.

When someone tells us about a problem, what is our reaction? Do we believe we need to solve it for the person? Do we believe that that person's future rests on our ability to advise him or her? That's standing on shaky ground.

When someone is struggling through a feeling, or a morass of feelings, what is our reaction? That the person will never survive that experience? That it's not okay for someone to feel? That he or she will never get through this intact?

When a person is faced with the task of assuming responsibility for their life and behaviors, what is our response? That the person can't do that? I must do it myself to save him or her from dissipating into ashes? From crumbling? From failing?

What is our reaction to ourselves when we encounter a problem, a feeling, or when we face the prospect of assuming responsibility for ourselves?

Do we believe in others and ourselves? Do we give power to people - including ourselves - and their abilities?
Or do we give the power to the problem, the feeling, or the irresponsibility?

We can learn to check ourselves out. We can learn to think, and consider our response, before we respond.

Each of us is responsible for ourselves.
That does not mean we don't care.
It does not mean a cold, calculated withdrawal of our support from others.
It means we learn to love and support people in ways that work.
It means we learn to love and support ourselves in ways that work.
It means that we connect with friends who love and support us in ways that work.

To believe in people, to believe in each persons inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others.

Wise tidbit #8

"If you spend your time trying to figure out what's 'best' for you, your choices will be cautious, your decisions will take forever, and your journey will be launced on a sea of expectations. If you are not careful, you will drown in your expectations.....

"....When you spend your time trying to figure out what's 'best' for you, you are doing just that: spending your time. Better to save your time than to spend it wastefully."

Sleeping With Bread

The red-wing blackbirds are back. And so are the robins....in droves. Oh, and so are the grackley-guys.
The race to name them all begins! ;-)

Believe it or not--I have a deep sense of gratitude for their return. And tonight himself and I were sitting at the dinner table talking about the flowerboxes for the back patio.
Sidewalk chalk came up--and pinwheel straws, of course.
Most of all, I'm looking forward to the endless supply of suntea with lemon.
I'm just soooo ready for spring.

There's something about the sitting outside that makes me peacefilled. Even with the traffic (limited in this smalltown) puttering by, it's a world of it's own. Bees and butterflies and hummingbirds visit. The birdies start out a bit shy around me but they get over it quickly.
I'm ready.....
For the grassmowing, the weeding, the window washing, the playing in dirt--I'm just ready!
I'm so grateful for the seasons that turn here, in this little corner of the world. Each comes with it's own special place in my heart. Each brings me a different but similar sense of peace in a somewhat hectic world.

I will admit to being a fickled lover of the seasons.
I greet them each with opened arms.....and somehow end up ready to shove the other one away. Over and over again--this is the story.
Embrace, shove away, embrace, shove away...
I tire of the cold.
I tire of the mud and rain.
I tire of the weeds and the grass mowing.
And I find myself at a point where seeing one more Mr. Snowman makes me wanna poke Mr. Snowman's in his little carrot nose!

Give me a good six months and then I'll be back to "I can't WAIT to make a Mr. Snowman!" again!
Maybe it's that high need for 'doing'.
I suck at sitting still or BEING still.

But nevermind..........the red-wing blackbirds are back! AND the robins and the grackley-guys!

Fickle me says "About darn time!" LOL

Playing Tag---

Five little known facts about Mel

Really......what's left? I mean, I'm a put it out there kinda gal. And like the person who decided to play tag with me, I'm very practiced at keeping other's confidences. I've become practiced at telling on myself cuz it's 'required'---and, honestly, I like living my life that way, today.
I'll give it a go--but I'm not thinkin' it'll be a 'surprise' for anyone who 'knows' Mel.

1. Three stories up, from the roof--if you close your eyes and free fall into an oversized dumpster filled with discarded packing materials........people WILL call it 'insane'. Please keep in mind that I was 'trashed' when I did this and PLEASE don't do this at home, kids. Your trashcan is a bit small to be aimin' for.
2. I've been wearing the same sterling silver heart necklace for darn near eight years now. Day in day out, it's been 'off' only twice in those seven plus years--for an MRI and for back surgery. Himself gave it to me whilest we were doing the distance. G'head and tell me how mushy that is and go 'awwwwwwwwww....' LOL
3. Three times 'pork' has somehow wandered into my mouth. All three times I've physically felt like throwing up and promptly panicked. See what the power of suggestion can do for YOU??!!
4. I haven't known my actualy weight for over 20 years. G-d willing, I won't actually know it for another 50! ;-)
5. I don't particularly like almonds. *blech* Okay....I don't like almonds AT all.

Not exactly the most exciting list....but a list nonetheless.
Any lightbulb moments which happen in reading the above list can be credited to the beautiful SLB--the little enterpreneur! LOL

DUCKIE Soap!! :-)

Yep--we have Dexter the Duck waddling on our toilet paper. LOL And we have rubber duckies on our shower ledges--including one that spits! (He's my favorite, go figure.)

AND............taaaadaaaaa...... We have duckie soap.
I was all kindsa excited.
89 cents worth of duckie soap. I was 'chuffed' (as himself says). He's too cute--I didn't wanna use him.
Ummmmmm.........sorta like I didn't wanna use the hippo soap, or the ghostie soap.....or the penguin soap. LOL WHY I have creature soap IN packages that I refuse to use--beyond me. Kinda like having boxed up 'good china' that'll be sitting there unused. What's the point of having it and not using it? (g'head and answer that one--cuz I did and I felt silly...)

Cranky as I was yesterday (and I WAS cranky) I decided a bubble bath with the spitting duckie was a good plan. AND I decided actually USING the duckie soap was gonna happen.
Might I add how much cuter he is outta the package?
And I'll even tell on myself and admit to singing the Rubber Duckie song.
*nodding proudly*
I was singin' LOUD enough and offkey enough that himself was shaking his head and laughing at me when I emerged all warm and snuggly in my jammies with himself's 'dressing gown' on. (too lazy to retrieve mine from the laundryroom, thanksverymuch)
Warm, snuggly --and glittery.
Uh huh........glittery.
As in there's glittery stuff in that there duckie soap.
:-)
It's like a huge BONUS!

Gee.......does glitter go with the 'three piece suit' look? LOL

TFTD

Don't others see how much I'm hurting?
Can't they see I need help?
Don't they care?

The issue is not whether others see or care.
The issue is whether we see and care about ourselves.

Often, when we are pointing a finger at others, waiting for them to have compassion for us, its because we have not fully accepted our pain.
We have not yet reached that point of caring about ourselves.
We are hoping for awareness in another that we have not yet had.

It is our job to have compassion for ourselves.
When we do, we have taken the first step toward removing ourselves as victims.
We are on the way to self-responsibility, self-care, and change.

Oy brother.....

Yeah, so I set an appointment for next Monday with a physician.

Can I just show up and get a physical and talk with a doctor?
Apparently NOT!
(k.....I'm a bit grouchy about this one........)
One doc calls another doc--and pretty soon you're getting a call back about fasting bloodwork and tests.
*rolling eyes*
C'mon........we already DID bloodwork when we had half the people present for the appointment I didn't cancel cuz of snow.
WHY we're repeating it or doing more......---arrrgghhhh!!!!

Fine.
I'll show up and do their silly stuff.

I JUST wanted a physical for work and someone to talk to about the unplanned weight loss.
I KNEW I shoulda went to another office and a different physician to avoid the reactive 'stuff' that apparently comes with having history with me as a patient.
*sigh*

I wouldn't have liked this AFTER being seen.
I certainly don't like it BEFORE I've been seen.

Did I follow through with going to another physician? NO.
I wanted the quickest solution so I could be 'done' with people worrying and fretting.

*pausing and checking*
Those are crappy motives, huh?
*I* wanted to get it over with and stop the reactions/concerns of other people.
.........oy..........

See something wrong with that picture, Mel?

Then there's probably something wrong with my plans to cancel that appointment and setting one up with a doctor in the town next to us, huh?

*sigh*
Sometimes I piss mySELF off.

TFTD #2-- much better, thanksverymuch

"I may not be perfect, but parts of me are excellent," writes author Ashleigh Brilliant.
If we can be happy with this proud, funny boast then perhaps we can stop berating ourselves for our imperfections.
If we dwell on our own contradictory impulses we give them too much importance, too much power.

TFTD.....hmmmmmm

Trust can be one of the most confusing concepts in life.
Who do we trust? For what?

The most important trust issue we face is learning to trust ourselves.

The most detrimental thing that's happened to us is that we came to believe we couldn't trust ourselves.
There will be some who tell us we cannot trust ourselves; we are off base and out of whack.
There are those who would benefit by our mistrusting ourselves.

Fear and doubt are our enemies.
Panic is our enemy.
Confusion is our opposition.
Self-trust is a gift we can give ourselves.

How do we acquire it?
We learn it.
What do we do about our mistakes, about those times we thought we could trust ourselves but were wrong?
We accept them, and trust ourselves anyway.
We know what is best for us.
We know what is right for us.
If we are wrong, if we need to change our mind, we will be guided into that - but only by trusting where we are today.

We can look to others for support and reinforcement, but trust in ourselves is essential.
Do not trust fear.
Do not trust panic.
We can trust ourselves, stand in our own truth, and stand in our own light.

We have it now. Already.
We have all the light we need for today.
And tomorrow's light shall be given to us then.
Trust ourselves, and we will know whom to trust. Trust ourselves, and we will know what to do.