Reading fairy time.......

Reality is not our bane but our gift.

And........

The reactions, feelings, likes or dislikes of others don't have to control our behaviors, feelings, and direction. We don't need to control how others react to our choices. We can trust ourselves to handle any outcome - even the most uncomfortable. And, my friend, we can trust ourselves to handle it well.

*trying to say it with meaning*

Thank you, reading fairy.

Oy, oy, OY!

The bugglia guy is blooming. This is a good thing cuz he's encouraging the 'gee, I DIDN'T kill him' bugglia to grow.

PLEASE note the 'gee, I DIDN'T kill him' bugglia is, indeed, growing!!

As are the daisys.....or is that daisies..... *muttering* AS ARE the daisy flowery guys. :-)

AND the fountain that used to be a fountain that's now a different fountain.....works! It's kinda cool........so I'm told.

Of course the sun's not hitting the solar panel by the time I creep home. And the ONE day I was home when it woulda been sunny.......it was raining.

(Oh, look......I think I'm kvetching!)

After the day at work.......

No....lemme say that differently.....

After all those cruddy MOMENTS at work....I needed patio time. And by golly, I took it.

There's progress in the day!

I ceased walking around the building (which is what I DO when I'm POBAR) and parked it on the patio.

AND we had watermelon tonight!!!!

:-)

WITH seeds!

Yep.

Spitting happened.

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr-ing

My new theory on getting dressed in the morning?
The 'wait til the last minute, rush like heck and don't give yourself enough time to fling clothes all around the house' theory?

Yeah, well, I'm blaming that theory for the work day I had.
Yep.
I didn't like what I had on--and consequently (NO MY ATTITUDE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH IT) the evil clothing screwed with my day.

*nodding*
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

*sigh*
That's all baloney and I know it.....but after today's adventures in being 'responsible'.....I'm snaggin' it and using it. Well, I'm using it for at least these few moments before I trek off to get a bubbley bath.

Okay.....at some point I'm gonna haffta look at MY part in the whole deal called 'today'.

*thinking*

Nahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.......it was the outfit's fault.

Protesting Duckie

He's small, but he's mighty.
And the sign?

DOWN WITH WHITECUPS!!!!!

Small wonder I love that duckie!

:-/

Feeling unable to act is a humiliation, perhaps an embarrassment, and it is habit-forming. Perhaps our inertia is due to our need to act "correctly" and the accompanying fear that we'll err.

Unfortunately, our fear of action reinforces itself.

The only way to end the vicious cycle is to act - right or wrong.

The surprise in store for us is that no action we take will be truly wrong.

We will learn not only from the action itself, but also from its ripples.

Sometimes I just wanna arm wrestle with those reading fairies.

Today's one of those times.

I can buy the ripple effect.

I can buy that the only way out of the fear is 'through'.

But I ain't buying any of the excuses they've rationalized out.

If *I* don't get to rationalize excuses for inaction, neither do THEY.

And sometimes the bestest thing I can do IS to do nothing and buy time.

So pffffffffffffttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!

Ohhhhhhhh.....I'm soooooo looking for a fight this morning.

*making note of that simple truth*

Betcha I can find one! LOLOL

Hows come.......

The sun's out.

The fountain is burbling.

The birdies are singing.

The flowers are smiling at the sun.

Hows come today wasn't available to me yesterday?

I mean, rain (wasn't SUPPOSE to rain), grey skies and blechy humidity.

Everything was soggy.

So hows come today wasn't availabe to me yesterday!

Oh, I know....it's all about someone ELSE!

Like, the kiddos at work are all outta school for the summer and it's perfect weather for them to play outside.

Hows come I don't get to play outside?

Like the guys working on the house nextdoor, tearing off the siding and roofing stuff--perfect weather for them to get the job done.

Hows come *I* don't get to work outside?!

Wait.

I CAN work outside!

I can pile papers on the picnic table, take the cellphone and pretend to be supervising kiddos while they're playing outside!

AND I can, occasionally.......once in a while, mind you......get up from that stack of papers and swing the jumprope with 'em or play four-corners or colour on the sidewalk with chalk.

CHALK! I could take one of my boxes of chalk to work and colour on the sidewalk!!

OH!! And jacks--I could take jacks and teach 'em how to play jacks!

OHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! And I could bring the squirt gun and squirt whoever gets unruly with me!!!! (not that they would......cuz they're smart like that!)

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH........

NOW I know why I didn't get today yesterday!

You were saving it for TODAY!

*going to gather toys for work*

Any bets on just how much paperwork actually gets DONE today? LOL

Silly reading fairies.......

We cannot approach prayer as we do everything else in our push button, instant society. There are no prayer pills or enlightenment capsules.--Janie Gustafson

Dangit!

*tossing the reading book*

And I was soooooooooo counting on that.

Mel's brain at work......

I have a different way of thinking.

Now, granted, I've told himself this over and over and over again.

I've tried to be extremely up-front and candid about my messed up way of thinking. I've owned I AM an alien!

Honestly--I just do not think like other people think.

Himself got a good dose of that Saturday as we made a trip to pick up bugs for 'the children'. (yeah, yeah...... snake and lizards='children')

Apparently I chattered non-stop the whole way, non-stop the whole time there and non-stop the entire time back.

*shrugs*

Sometimes I chatter a lot?

I really couldn't tell you what I chattered on about.

*blushing*

Actually, I CAN'T tell you one thing that I went on about at all.

I simply answered "I was sharing my thoughts." and shrugged.

"Small wonder when you're 'done' for the night, you're DONE. Your brain must get really tired."

I shuddered to tell him that this was only a random sampling of my brain's thought pattern.

"That's frightening."

And this is when I explained to him that I don't see things in an overview.

Apparently most folks do.

They can look at a photo and enjoy the compilation in it's entirety.

Not me! "Oh look.......a creek, crick, stream, riverlet thingy.....and a tree with bitty leaves at the top...and flowers....oh look one with a bee.....and six rocks on the shore--one of 'em's got mossy stuff on it from being in the shade--I wonder if it gets cold.........and clouds, fluffy HUGE clouds with the sun peeking from beneath, but the sun's always beneath the clouds even when it's a cloudy day and there's no peeking allowed which would suck cuz I so like to peek........and birdies--it's a woody bird and a harry bird and a burble of water by the rock over next to the weed that used to be a flower til someone decided it was a bad flower--whoever gave themself THAT much power to decide! Isn't it a pretty picture?!" It's not that I don't see the whole picture--it's the thinking (talking in my head) that happens when I do see the picture.

Tough to put into words to make sense of the rest of the world, let alone sense to the Brit whom I share my life with.

But......This is just a small piece of the whole puzzle of how my brain works at warp speed. And it's not just once or twice a day. We're talking all the time. My brain talks. Most brains (I hear tell) think.

It's not that I don't think in the classic sense.

I think I think....LOL My 'thinks' tend to be running conversations in my head.

A simple "what would you like for dinner, dear" can leave the Brit scratching his head, wondering if I even heard the question! Oh, I have....and I'm getting to an answer, really I am!

Bear with me.......

He's taken to waiting patiently and tilting his head. That's my cue. And usually the answer is "I don't mind." (cuz I've long since learned the difference between "I don't mind" and "I don't care".....I DO catch on eventually!)

Now, I'll confess that I'm much more disciplined in what I let my 'think' look like in the professional world. I'm very conscious of the fact that I don't NEED to let people know my thoughts.

I harness them, whittle them down pretty well and can articulate pretty smoothy when I've got that 'work hat' on.

But gimme my own turf, MY kingdom.....and I'm figuring I'm free to BE.

He's scared.

I tried to warn him about the 'racing thoughts'. "More like a hop, skip and a jump followed by more hops, skips and jumps."

He's done very well to accept that I just don't have the same thought processes as most folks.

Or.....maybe I do and there are more aliens out that that are just too shy to own up to it!

AH HA!!!!!!!! That's it!!!!!!!!

Oh gosh.......

I gotta think about that one.

LOL Be afraid!!!!

*hanging head*

I'm a bad person.

Well, okay........not a BAD person, bad person.......but a bad PERSON, bad person.

I broke the white "I *insert picture of red heart* you" cup.
Yep.
The cup I've tried for over a week to drink from......without leaving goobery thingies on the rim.
Yeah........that cup.

Dunno what happened.......I broke it in the sink.
I'm blaming poor craftsmanship.
I certainly can't blame the dishwashing liquid, now can I!

It's broken.
And sadly, unfixable.

It's been replaced by (are ya ready for this?) a black cup.
*nodding smugly*

Black.
As in 'won't show the goobery thingies'.
And I'll have you know *I* didn't choose the cup.

Wait.
HE chose the cup.
You don't suppose.......

Nah.

I mean, sure he was thinkin' I was a bit over the edge on the obsession with the goobery thingies on the white cup......
I mean, just cuz you shove a white cup at someone and whine about yet ANOTHER goobery thingy on the cup........
Nah.

*eyeballing the Brit*

Hmmmmmm.


Know any good forensic scientists?
I think I wanna test the remains of the white cup to determine if 'foul play' happened......

QOTW 5/28

Three things you didn't do today.
Three things you did do today.

Easy enough! Off the top of my head....

Three things I didn't do today:

1. I didn't grill out. Yes, I know it's the 'traditional' sorta Memorial Day meal deal.......No, we didn't use the grill! For sure I didn't. C'mon.....I start house fires with electric stoves in a controlled environment!!!!
2. I didn't grumble at the kiddos when I got to work this morning and there was no coffee made. NO COFFEE!! As in NOT A DROP in the pot which was colder than cold. Yes, generally they fight and bicker over who gets to make that pot of toxic coffee. They're adolescents--they know all about survival! Okay, okay........so... they slept in this morning and weren't around TO grumble at. Still.........oughta count!
3. I didn't slobber/dribble or drop something goopy on my placemat and it's a new, sparkley clean one! THIS is a huge deal. History indicates that's an impossibility in my life. I always, always slobber/dribble/drop something goopy on a clean placemat!!

Three things I did do today:

1. I DID go to work today. Yeah, yeah......I know it's a National Holiday and all that jazz. I choose to work every holiday. Call me silly. Come to think of it the kiddos grilled out. I still think it counts cuz I wasn't a part of that! I worked straight through the 'we grilled out, Ms. Mel!!' lunchtime.
2. I DID manage to get dressed first time outta the gate. For those of you who know a tad about me, getting dressed is an exercise in clothes tossing and mess making as I do the battle of 'nope.....doesn't fit and it looks dorky' on a regular basis. This morning I let it get late enough that I rushed around like a chicken with my head to get dressed and into work on time. It's a new technique. LOL (It worked!!)
3. I DID check the mailbox when I got home from work. Yeah, yeah......it's a National Holiday. HEY! I worked, dangit!!!!

Ha. Ha. HA.

I love when that phone rings.

(actually, that's a lie--cuz I despise cellphones)

"I don't mean to bother you."

Great! Thanks for letting me know that. *hangs up*

"I'm really sorry to be calling you...."

Apology accepted! *hangs up*

"Are you the on-call person?"

Yes I AM! What an easy question! Have a great afternoon! *hangs up*

"I hate to bug you to ask a silly question..."

Well, thank goodness for that! *hangs up*

It's a good thing the folks who work with me have a good sense of humour?

I'm a badddddddddd one for a cellphone.

Why I haffta carry one is beyond me.

Personally, I think people need to decide what to do and live with the end results.

Calling me just leaves them answering their own questions anyway--

What do you wanna do? Sounds good to me!
What do you think needs to happen? Sounds good to me!
What were you thinking about doing? Sounds good to me!

All followed by a: Now see, you really didn't need to call! You had the answer the whole time!

I'd say 'they just MISS me' but I know it's a conspiracy.

Yesterday evening they set up a new gal to ring me to ask for 'direction'.

"I'm calling to ask for direction."

North by northeast. Have a nice night. *hangs up*

WAIT....new person alert!!! Engage brain!!!

I scrambled and immediately rang back.

And I got a staff member who's been the recipient of my humour more than once.

"She's crying in the locked medications room at the moment. Would you like me to have her ring you back?"

OMG...

"No biggie, Mel. Nevermind that we're short staffed and this one will probably hand in her resignation when she unlocks the door......."

I'll come up.

"Is that what you think needs to be done?"

Yep.

"Now see, you really didn't need to call. You had the answer the whole time!"

Very funny.

"About as funny as 'north by northeast'." (followed by hysterical laughter) "Have a NICE evening!"

Ha.

Ha.

HA.

Why is it I hire people who are a whole lot LIKE ME?

Cool!!

Himself made me a fountain for outside!

Well, he didn't MAKE me a fountain....more like he re-made me a fountain cuz the one that I had went kaflooey. Brass tube and everything! It's way cool.

AND we're gonna watch a movie. (he's making popcorn as I type)

Wish me luck.
I don't sit still very well for 30 minutes let alone 2 hours!

Good thing there's a pause button on the DVD player, huh?!

...dumm deee dummmmm....

Most of us lived through crisis after crisis.

Many days we sought oblivion rather than face fears that ate away at us.

It probably wasn't possible for most of us to realize that a crisis was a tool for growth.

Even today, even though the clouds are clearing and we are feeling better about ourselves, a crisis may overwhelm us for a time.

We do find help for it, though. We can breathe deeply, look to hearts; listen for the messages that are coming through from our friends and the world around us.

And we can choose among the many options for the right action to take at this time.

Life is a series of lessons.

Crises can be seen as the homework.

A rock pile ceases to be a rock pile the moment a single man contemplates it, bearing within him the image of a cathedral.--Antoine de Saint Exupery

The pigs of the world....

Smile, nod.

Assure himself 'no worries', 'no biggie'.

Buy time, chatter on.

Swallow a lot.

Assure himself 'nah.....I'm not gonna throw up, I'm just nauseous and that's all psychological--no biggie'.

Buy more time and assure himself again (cuz he's neurotic, dontchaknow..) 'really--no worries, let it go'.

Punch himself in the arm and tell him 'there...NOW you can let it go'.

Chatter some more.....do the dishes, even.

Shudder a few times....

And then brush your teeth multiple times in a row......with lotsa toothpaste.

Rinse, spit, rinse, spit.

Look at the toilet and decide if you wanna MAKE yourself throw up.

Use mouthwash.

Take a couple of deep breaths and exit the bathroom to fetch a cuppa coffee IN the whitecup cuz you're still practicing not getting goobers on the cup.

"Everything okay?"

"Yep. But I'm fighting the urge to call up a priest to schedule an exorcism."

WRONG thing to say.
Geeze he does that guilty, 'I'm a bad person' look really well...

"Four years--and I've never served you anything with pork in it until now....."

And then there's 'compassionate Mel' with her love and understanding.....
"Uh huh.....and the pigs of the world thank you."

Oy brother....

Do unto yourself.....

When you've got your two 'lead' people looking at each other out of the corner of their eyes, it's not hard to read that there's a hidden deal goin' on. And being the curious, straight up kinda gal that I am.... "Do you care to tell me what you're not telling me?"

Playing dumb doesn't really look so great on people that you KNOW are intelligent and gifted people.

"What?"

"The looks the two of you are passing back and forth....care to share?"

"What looks?"

My greatest asset is sometimes my ability to 'wait' and 'do nothing'. (while I'm doing something--which generally equates to creating anxiety where the anxiety needs to be --which ain't ON ME)

"What?"

"Please. Share away!"

"....ummm....."

Gig's up--cuz this is when the two of them passed looks off to each other again.

"G'head.....do tell........"

More looks, but more of the nervous nature.

"Oh go on....why not?"

Shifting in seats happen and I'm eagerly awaiting the results of a bit of the 'wait'.

"We were thinking....." (more nervous looks passed between the two of them)

"G'head....."

"We were thinking that OTHER people's managers don't work on the unit--maybe you ought to consider giving up some of those hours."

There's something to be said about being 'compared' to 'other people's managers'. There's even MORE to be said for being tagged AS a manager. It's something I never aspired to be. Half the time I'm not certain I'm 'qualified' or even 'desire' to BE that.....whatever 'that' is....... But by title and responsibilities, that's what I 'am' today. A manager. Adminstration.

Or as the kiddos say "you're the top dog".

Arf. Arf.........

They asked me to think about it.

I told them there was nothing TO think about. I wasn't giving up my two evenings with the kiddos. They're my favorite part of the week.....those nights are when I feel most connected.

"But you're one of 'them' now......"

HOLY moly. Wrong thing to say.

Defensive became the name of the game.

I'd been given a conversation to have with all of my staff that I didn't particularly want to have about a change that I didn't necessary think was going to be a fun or easy transition for any of them. It wasn't a 'fun' chat. I gave them what I thought of the deal.....and didn't make it sound any prettier than it was. Straight up--I don't like it, it's nothing I advocated for--but here's what we get to do and we'll muddle through it the best that we can.

But one of 'THEM'?

I know the barriers that come with being one of 'them'.....the belief that there's some hidden agenda, that things are being presented with a pretty bow when it's really a poopy package in the first place.

*sigh*

Not only do my staff have a changed view of me.....they're not trusting me, apparently.

AND they don't want me around.

.......k.......that's not what they said.

But that's what they said.

And this 'look passing' crud......ain't gonna cut it.

I haffta wrap my head around being used in a different way to accomplish what needs to be accomplished......or I need to surrender to where I AM versus where I WAS.

OR.........I need to rethink my position on what it is that I said "yes, thank you, I think I'd like to do that" TO.

*sigh*

Really....why do I make this so hard?

Pissed off beyond all recognition=....scared

It's kinda like a 'knee-jerk' reaction for me.

Tell me something sad, I get really, really pissed off beyond recognition and tell the Big Guy off.

I don't even know that I'm genuinely angry with Him. I just don't like being scared or sad. They're not especially 'fun' emotions for me.

Scared is the biggie.

Sad's generally a byproduct of scared.

Pissed off beyond recognition is a byproduct of scared.

Scared........sucks.

And frankly, I think I run on scared a LOT.

I'd like to say I'm pissed off beyond recognition, but whenever I do that I get to look at what's driving that 'pissed off beyond recognition' moment.....and almost always I end up with the 'fear' crud.

I had a moment before my 'admired and revered' Right Turn Left Turn meeting which takes place every Tuesday.

The lovely cellphone (yes, that's said with distain) rang and one of my staff persons let me know 'the latest and greatest' on another of my staff persons who is undergoing chemotherapy for ovarian cancer.

The good news is I excused myself from the meeting and went to a smaller room to take the call, privately.

When a CA125 (the indicator for cancer cells) goes from 17 to 323 in three weeks--and 'normal' is 10-14.......a swearword come outta your mouth.

If you're me, you recheck the data to make certain you've heard correctly......and then swear again.

You issue words you hope the person on the other end finds 'hopefilled' and there's that split second of 'buy time, buy time' before you hang up. And that's when you get tearful and glance upwards to announce 'That REALLY pisses me off---NOT FAIR.......'

And then you try to paste it together real fast.......and get back to what it was you were suppose to be doing, mutter a 'rethink your position' prayer, (cuz occasionally I'm still into telling the Big Guy how to do His job)....

....and you quietly slip back into the meeting.

And what do we have in this meeting?
Someone who's getting a birthday cake cuz they're turning fifty.

And they're mumbling and grumbling about turning fifty, doing their own drama around 'getting old'.

It's amazing that I didn't scream at the person and the whole lot of them.

I didn't.

But I did suggest that it was cause for celebration--cuz they 'get to' be fifty. They 'get to' have a cake and prezzies and all the frills that come with a birthday, 'get to' be with friends coworkers family and loved ones, 'get to' participate in another day on the planet....

What they 'get to' have is a moment of oblivion about their own mortality.

I decided that was a luxury some folks just don't 'get to' have, today.

I'm not sure which is the gift yet....

And I'm still mad at the Big Guy. (which means I'm scared as all get out and He knows it)

But I'm grateful........really REALLY grateful that we were able to buy enough time to see one of the persons kiddos through high school, another win a medal in track, another fumble their way through their first dance recital, and another through their discovery of the difference between boys and girls.

I'm just scared as hell.

Tuesday morning.......

A cuppa coffee--a few bubbles...a bit of breeze and the smell of open spaces.
That's what's required this morning before I traipse off to do what it is that I do....

And yes, I'll be having that coffee in a white cup.
;-)

I'm gonna figure out how NOT to get goobers on that white cup if it takes me forever!

TFTD

To apologize: to lay the foundation for a future offense.--Ambrose Bierce

"I'm sorry," said the blind man as he whipped the mare.

"I'm sorry," said the mare, as she kicked the blind man in return.

"We're sorry," they assured themselves, as they pushed each other around again and again.

Often, we push our troubles with other people around, creeping along in the old rough way, refusing to change because we're too involved to see another choice.

There's little sorrow in being sorry all the time.

A true apology doesn't try to explain.

Sometimes a true apology just breaks down and cries.

Then maybe we're ready to go on - take someone by the hand, tell the whole sad truth, and work to find a better way.

Sleeping with Bread

Putting up the 'Sleeping with Bread' post would best be described as an exercise in gratitude for me.

It's a moment of reflection of the more recent week---a look-see at what was good, what wasn't so good and what part I played in it.

Frankly, I have a whole lot to be grateful for.

I can profess that over and over again. And I can mean it and do.
I can also have moments (and they truly are just 'moments') where it's 'feeling' like an empty bread bag I'm staring into when I first start the process.
Sometimes 'feels' like it's only the heels of the loaf that are in there and I can't, for the life of me, see the whole loaf.
Sometimes it 'feels' pretty moldy. LOL
And sometimes it feels like a 'half baked loaf'.

The good news is........I know 'feelings aren't fact'.
They're just feelings and they will pass.
I can recognize them for what they are--play with 'em all I want if that's my hearts desire...........or I can close my eyes and ask for a bit of 'help' in recollecting what's so good about life not running to Mel's plans!

Ya know, honestly......it doesn't take much time for me to be grateful for what IS and what it WAS that brought me here.
I still can get those 'feelings'.
It's what power I give those feelings that matter, I'm told. And so far, when I don't bother to water and nurture and feed them, they don't bother to grow .....and 'it' well and truly does pass.
Oh BOY am I glad that's the case.

This past week was an adventure in change. Unsolicited, uninvited and (sometimes) unwelcomed change. (cuz I'VE deemed it unwelcome, dontchaknow!)
No one asked me.
No one wanted my permission. (how rude!)
No one seemed to care what my thinking/feelings were on the subject.
Change simply gets to happen and it'll be affecting a multitude of folks.

I don't like the change. (mostly I don't like that I wasn't consulted and asked prior TO the change.....yes, I know how childish it sounds and is......)
I don't necessarily resist change.....I resist BEING changed. (yep, that's my story and I'm stickin' to it! LOL)

And I especially don't like how it's going to affect other people. (at least at the onset).

No, I don't know that it'll turn out all bad. In fact, pieces of it will be very good.
But I do know the initial adjustment to the change....will create hardships for people.
I also know that it's my issue at this given moment.

*checking bag*
I KNOW there's a loaf in there somewhere....but I think I'm too busy 'feeling' to see it.

*sigh*

My part?
Well, I'm clear after putting this much into black and white that a part of MY part--- is a simple tantrum cuz 'no one asked MEMEME'.
Gratitude?
At this moment, I'm darn grateful I have the chance to get my ducks in a row and get ME where I need to be.....elsewise I will be of absolutely NO service to the folks who'll be twice as affected as I'm getting to be with the change that NOONE ASKED MEMEME about.

Good grief.
That's just ONE issue in the WEEK.
Is this where I confess that there's a multitude of 'em and it's been about MEMEMEMEMEMEMEME more than I care to share?
*sigh*

Someone needs to whap me with a loaf and get it over with!
I'd be ever so grateful......
;-)

QOTW 5/21

Quick--go look.....what's sitting on the top of your bathroom's vanity?

Right!

There's the dixie cup dispenser with duckie cups in it (wasn't that kind of himself to snatch them up when he saw them?!)

There's the soap dispenser--it's boring and has no duckies. I oughta find a cute one to go on the vanity, huh?

There's the aloe vera lotion for 'after sun'. (yes, I used it last night and failed to put it away!)

There's a vase with baby's breath in it--it's a pretty dark blue vase. Why it's there--I dunno..

There's a diffuser or whatever it's called. A bottle of smelly stuff with bamboo thingies sticking outta it. It's smelling up the bathroom. I guess that's okay. LOL (pass! oy.....)

There's a hairbrush. Mine, of course......himself boasts that he doesn't 'require' one. *snickering*

There's a little jar of 'got 2 b defiant' goop to put in my hair. What it does, I'm not really sure. But it smells good and I relate to it. LOLOL

Oh.....and a ready to use Snoopy bandaid.
(JUST in case I might need one.... :-) )

:-)

I found a TOY!!

Yeah, yeah.......so I played instead of doing laundry.


It's more fun!
:-D

I gotta question....

No, really......I have a SERIOUS question.

Or at least it's a question that's worthy/demanding of an answer in MY world.

WHO thought a white coffee cup was a good plan?

Someone needs to confess so I know who to take it up with.

I mean--okay.....MAYBE it's just ME.... But can someone explain to me who REALLY believes that white makes for a good colour for a coffee cup.

It's pretty.

It's clean LOOKING at the start.

But c'mon.....it shows every little goober that travels down the side of your cup/mug.

(You know, those little drips of coffee that end up making the rim of your cup look.....all goobery..... THOSE goobers.)

(they are TOO called goobers....leastwise they are in my world..........)

Himself tells me HE doesn't leave goobers on his cup.

Yeah, right. *rolling eyes*

Himself has a brown cup goin' on this morning....I have the white "I *insert picture of a pretty red heart* you" cup.

Uh huh......the sappy neurotic gifted me with it.

I think (mind you, it's a THINK) he presented it to me to catch me goobering all over the thing.

He, of course, adamantly denies this.

Like HE'S a trustworthy source at this moment with that brown cup of his?!

I've taken to trying to correct the goobering that's happening over here--sucking (loudly, of course) as I'm drinking the coffee ------and since THAT didn't work, I've now been reduced to licking the rim of the cup.

I figure this is his fault.

Afterall...it was HIS idea to gift me with the white "I *insert picture of a pretty red heart* you" cup.

That'll teach him for putting my morning coffee in the white, "I *insert picture of a pretty red heart* you" cup.

Maybe next time he'll grab the black one that says:

"Sometimes I wake up grumpy........and sometimes I let him sleep in".

LOL

If some is good.....

Go figure MORE is better.
A few more stars added to the guest room.
I ain't even gonna show the wreath hanging on the door....nope.... can't make me!

*sipping suntea*

Uh huh....just for the record, it's a sombrero.
Si'. Sombrero. Taco. (that's about the extent of my Spanish vocabulary...)
Matters not, it's making my suntea happy, happy, happy...and it's a lovely day for 'being' outside.
So--that's what I'm doing........'being'.
It's GREAT!!
It won't LAST..LOL......but it's great nonetheless.

I haven't been particularly lonely with the Brit out for the afternoon with work.
Mr. Bluejay has been rather entertaining. And if not him, there's a host of other birdies who've been splashing happily in the birdie bath.
Eating me outta house and home too, dangit.
I GOTTA make those signs so the birdies know whose food is whose.

THIS is my bugglia. (Yeah, yeah..I KNOW it's not spelt or pronounced that way.)
Actually, there's two.
One is the hacked up, "gee, I think I killed him and what's the odds that he'da live through an Iowa winter in the garage in a pot anyway" bugglia......that lives! :-)
He's just a wee fella. But since he lived and we repotted him, we bought him company for the summer. (hence the bigger bugglia)
No worries.
The original concept was to get a bigger pot for the 'gee, I DIDN'T kill him' bugglia, which left a smaller pot empty--which doesn't explain the bigger bugglia in the huge pot (even if it looks bitty in the photo--it ain't!) but it DOES explain the bittier bushy guy that I put in the pot that was vacated by the 'gee, I DIDN'T kill him' bugglia. Dunno what kind he is, but he's happily in the vacated pot AND we got the HUGE pot to boot AND company for the 'gee, I DIDN'T kill him bugglia that LIVES!!
*whew*
Made sense to me.
Yeah, yeah.....left the Brit with a confused look and mumbling "yes, dear....that's an excellent plan"....but nevermind cuz it's all good!

:-)
AND!!!!!
We have star lights!
:-)

All this before the girl even shows up all sunburnt from floating the river with a friend or two.....or three or four.......

:-)
Betcha she'll want a sombrero straw......

Si'!

Taco!!
:-D
(well, not really.......we're grilling chicken..........) (ha.....we? HE!)

Stuff meets floor.......

For the third day THIS WEEK.....I had to drive 45 minutes to attend some... ummm... administrative meeting.
Some REQUIRED administrative meeting.
Now, I like those like I like a hole in my head. (please note I have a replaced piece of bone in my head and no, I didn't LIKE it one bit when they took that sucker out and put it back in...)

See that sky?
THAT'S what I missed by sitting inside AT a table with a buncha folks that don't seem to wanna play nice with each other.

*sigh*
Okay, I wasn't playing real nice when I shoved some irritating 'lemme talk over you cuz I'm right and you're wrong' PERSON's 'stuff' off the table.
Hey......she went to pick it up and I got to complete a sentence! Mission accomplished. (and yes, I apologized.....not exactly the example of dignity and grace, huh....*sigh*)
I was crabby.
Blue skies and me at a table with a buncha numbers and proposals and 'crud'.....*blech!*

OKAY.....so it wasn't 'necessary'.
It was far from 'kind'.
BUT.....it's 'true' she WAS irritating! (k....I'll apologize AGAIN....*mumbling*)

We took a 'small break' at two in the afternoon and I rang the Brit, confessed the 'errors of my ways' and suggested he come rescue me--cuz there was this 'suggestion' that WE (as in people I don't necessarily LIKE that I'd been stuck AT A TABLE WITH for too much time in the first place....) 'go out' following the meeting.

Yes, I'm pretty sure my boss saw my look of aject horror. He had that......smirk on his face.....
The invitation came after the 'stuff' went on the floor.
And the 'stuff' went on the floor WITH my comment....."Soooooooo......as I was attempting to say PRIOR to being interrupted and talked over for the umpteenth time......"

I KNOW!! I KNOW!!!!!!!
*sigh*
Naughty!

I really WILL apologize AGAIN.

I got rescued....thank GOODNESS!
And we had a lovely dinner.
A great cuppa coffee!
AND when we got home we made train stuff!

Tomorrow.......blue skies and NO TABLES with irritating people.

Dangit!
I shoulda took my ray gun to the meeting!
Or at the very least, considered having her teletransported to another universe.

*hanging head*
I'll apologize three more times.
I'm hoping by the third time... there might be a smidgeon of honesty in that apology.

*chuckling*
I wouldn't count on it, though!

FOUR TIMES.....I'll apologize four times.........sheeeeeeeshhhhh.....

TFTD

So often, when a problem occurs, inside or around us, we revert to thinking that if we put our life on hold we can positively contribute to the solution.

If a relationship isn't working, if we face a difficult decision, if we're feeling depressed, we may put our life on hold and torment ourselves with obsessive thoughts.

Abandoning our life or routines contributes to the problem and delays us from finding the solution.

Frequently, the solution comes when we let go enough to live our life, return to our routine, and stop obsessing about the problem.

Sometimes, even if we don't feel like we have let go or can let go, we can act as if we have, and that will help bring about the letting go we desire.

You don't have to give up your power to problems.

You can take your focus off your problem and direct it to your life, trusting that doing so will bring you closer to a solution.

Today, I will go on living my life and tending to my routine.

I will decide, as often as I need to, to stop obsessing about whatever is bothering me.

If I don't feel like letting go of a particular thing, I will act as if I have let go of it until my feelings match my behavior.

Warping brain syndrome.....

So we had company this past weekend.

And for the very first time--we had alcohol in our house.

It was kinda weird....not offensive weird. There was a kindly call as the couple was on their way to ask about bringing a bottle of wine for the dinner and himself checked in with me to ask if I minded.

My answer was 'nope.......don't mind!'.

I knew I wasn't going to drink it, for goodness sakes. And this is one of those 'things' we've visited about before. I've invited him to consider it, gave him permission.......and I'd been met with a resounding "NO, absolutely NOT" every time.

I let it go.

It's been a year of 'let go-edness'.

I was a bit surprised when he came to ask. He'd been convicted that he would NOT drink in this house. Okay, fine......but feel free to cuz I'm where I need to be to be 'okay' with it. I'll admit that it made me a bit.....unnerved to some degree. What'd he think I was GONNA do if he drank in the house, forcryingoutloud!! Sheeeeeshhh!

Yeah, well, the couple came bearing wine.
Riesling wine. (I had to chuckle--c'mon......wine? I never did understand the point to wine, but one must remember my drinking career wasn't about enhancing the flavor of my meal!) I even located the wine glasses (which belonged to my deceased step-mother and were packed away in the depths of the basement cuz I've had no need for them) and had 'em ready to go.

A couple glasses of wine for the guests......and himself, for whatever reason, passed.

I thought that was a bit.........dunno.....LOL....but a 'bit' just the same. And I wasn't feeling compelled to challenge the decision. (What?! I was suppose to beat him into submission and MAKE him have a glass? LOL)

They left.

They left the remains of the wine.

And I let it sit on the counter.

WHY....I don't know.
Maybe I was thinkin' he'd want a glass eventually?

(this, I'll have to do some clear minded thinking on-----or not!)

This evening himself took the bottle of wine and emptied it down the sink.

And he commented about having the wine in the house, noting it was his favorite wine (again, whatever the point in drinking wine IS, I STILL have no clue...). And he asked if it bothered me that the couple drank at dinner.

"Ummmm....no......."

(why he was asking DAYS later, was beyond me.....)

He then asked if it bothered me to have it sitting in the house.

"Nope."

He told me it bothered him and it was nonsense to have kept it on the counter for four days....

And that's when I told him I'd lied.

CRAZY as it was--7a.m. on Monday morning when I passed that bottle on the counter.....

"Noone would ever know, Mel. You could have a drink at 7a.m. while he's fast asleep and ...." and warpspeed thinking happened.

Bizarre.......that three seconds can give you tons of 'stuff' warping through your brain. (probably only makes sense to me, this warping brain thingy.......but that's what it is)

And then I got my cuppa coffee and went on with the day. The thinking was gone and I didn't give it any more airtime.

Fact is, I'd forgotten those three seconds until he asked. And frankly, I answered and THEN gave it thought.

And had to correct myself and tell the truth.

He seems to think that's not 'normal' thinking.

*snickering*

Duh?

He seems to think it's 'abnormal' to give thought to taking a drink at 7a.m. and 'noone would haffta know'.

Duh again?

Whatever made him believe I had 'normal' thought processes is beyond me!
You can tell 'em and tell 'em and tell 'em.

I even tried to reassure him that I don't haffta be around alcohol to have stupid thinking. LOL I can do that to myself with no help from anything or anyone, thanksverymuch!

You'd THINK that just living with me would be proof enough of that, wouldn't ya.

He doesn't get it.

I THOUGHT he got it.....he doesn't.

The wine's gone.

There's no desire to drink.

I had to give thought to even call up that warpy brain moment.

It was such a brief encounter--I darn near didn't own it.

Oh, but then I'da missed out on the 'fun' conversation!
And he'da missed out on a neurotic moment of feeling/thinking/believing that he somehow created it.

HELLO?!!

I'm gonna shove the real estate fairy's reading under his nose if he keeps this up!

WHOSE PROPERTY?

*shaking head*

It's soooooooo much fun having a neurotic around to play with.

Smile and nod, probably....

It never fails.
Himself always thinks I'm a bit off my rocker when I tell him what I wanna do with some 'space', some room, some 'thing'.
Either he's gotten easier to please (hahahahaha.......riiiggggghhhhtttttttt) OR he's gotten better at lying.
OR......he's just plain decided to 'smile and nod' and get outta my way when I have some hairbrain idea.

Paint, stars I'd picked up for no real reason......a few nails and a bit of stickey stuff.
I'm calling it good to go.....for now........LOL

Hmmmmmmmm....

By not liking ourselves, we may be perpetuating the discounting, neglect, or abuse we received from the important people in our life.
We didn't like what happened in those relationships, but find ourselves copying those who mistreated us by treating ourselves poorly.
We can stop the pattern.

We can begin giving ourselves the loving, respectful treatment we deserve.
Instead of criticizing ourselves, we can tell ourselves we performed well enough.
We can wake up in the morning and tell ourselves we deserve a good day.
We can make a commitment to take good care of ourselves throughout the day.
We can recognize that were deserving of love.
We can do loving things for ourselves.
We can love other people and let them love us.

People, who truly love themselves do not become destructively self-centered.
They do not abuse others.
They do not stop growing and changing.
People who love themselves well, learn to love others well too.
They continually grow into healthier people, learning that their love was appropriately placed.

Knife, please.......

I carried weapons.

Please note that's written in the past tense. I no longer am 'allowed' to carry weapons.

The first wisepersoninmylife decided I was 'frisk worthy' after I pulled a gun out in a meeting he and I were attending together.........No one was 'harmed' per se. I pulled it outta my purse, put it to my head and threatened to pull the trigger if someone didn't shut the guy at the podium up. (I'd heard the fella's story ONE TOO MANY TIMES.....and I was a BIT underdeveloped in my level of patience and acceptance, okay?!)


Needless to say, wisepersoninmylife opted to take that gun and started to question me if I was carrying a gun before I got into his car.

He took two guns from me.

I never---NEVER EVER got them back!

He kept asking and I kept telling-- "YOU TOOK BOTH OF THEM."
But what I didn't offer up was the fact that I had opted, instead, to stick one of my knives in the purse.(please note that's plural)

He got a bit irritated with me when he discovered THAT fact. I got a bit irritated that he was taking my weapons from me one at a time, bit by bit by bit, again and again and again....and that there seemed little hope of getting 'em back.


Playing 'mumbly peg' during a meeting is AS unacceptable as pulling out a revolver, apparently. Equally AS unacceptable, so I was 'informed', was flinging a knife across the room in the general direction of some folks that you weren't particularly fond of........
And, to make matters confusing, I discovered it wasn't even acceptable to toss a knife in the general direction of folks you WERE particularly fond of.
*scratching head*
I asked to see the 'rules'.
I never got to see 'em.
Sometimes I think wisepersoninmylife makes things up as he goes.


I can't recall how many knives the man took from me.


I DO recall that I never got one of THOSE back either.


Somewhere there's a well armed wisepersoninmylife who didn't pay for the arsenal.


Wait.....that's not true.
He paid dearly for it, getting to work with the likes of me.


Now, I'd suppose, given that the Brit is privy to this information about me, THAT would be why he gave me the hairy eyeball when I asked him for a knife.

I JUST wanted to cut a piece of pie.
How many folks do YOU know who get a hairy eyeball and an interrogation when they wanna cut a piece of pie?
*rolling eyes*

T(s)FTD

Take a risk.

Take a chance.

We do not have to indulge in obviously foolhardy or self-defeating risks, but we can allow ourselves to take positive risks.

We cannot afford to keep ourselves paralyzed.

We do not have to keep ourselves stymied and trapped out of fear of making a mistake or failing.

Naturally, we will make mistakes and fail from time to time.

That's part of being fully alive.

There are no guarantees.

If we are waiting for guaranteed courses of action, we may spend much of our life waiting.

We do not have to shame ourselves or accept shame from anyone else for making mistakes.

The goal is not to live life perfectly.

The goal is to live, learn our lessons, and make overall progress.

Take a risk.

Do not always wait for a guarantee.

We don't have to listen to "I told you so."

Dust yourself off after a mistake, and then move on to the success.

.

.

.

OR: (maybe AND......)

.

.

.

If you can't fight and you can't flee, flow.--Robert Eliot

Too often, we have lived with a single answer to every situation: win.

We saw our friendships in competitive terms, so we couldn't let our guard down.

We looked at life as a challenge to be conquered rather than something to be enjoyed.

Therefore, our first impulse was to fight and come out a winner.

Many of us have played life like a game with only winners and losers, and we have neglected the deeper meaning in our experiences.

Living that way, many of us have felt like losers.

We all experience moments when a situation is much more powerful than we are.

Those moments feel like defeat unless we allow them to open a whole new viewpoint on our lives.

When we can flow with a situation, which will have its own way anyhow, we have become more mature.

We can breathe a sigh of relief because much of the tension in our lives is reduced when we stop trying to conquer every moment and instead simply flow with it.

.

.

.

*chuckling*

Mature? LOLOL

QOTW 5/15

What is one thing you always have with you?

My sobriety medallion? My sense of humour? My mouthiness?

Oh wait! My messed up way of thinking! *sigh* For sure all of the above.

Pick one.

What are two things you paid for in the last month?

Firewood. (why I paid for it when I coulda stole from the neighbours pile of stacked, cut wood.....what WAS I thinking!)
A bugglia bush.
(yeah, yeah......so it's BUDDlia........it attracts butterflies so it's a BUGGlia plant....don't bother telling me different cuz I've decided)

What are three things on your nightstand?

My tenth step journaly thingie.....cuz it's 'required'.

A mechanical pencil....(and just for the record, I don't have fits if it the lead inside is broken-I have new lead in the drawer of the nightstand...LOL).... cuz it's handier than getting outta bed to sharpen it or getting shavings in the bed, which would be ucky......AND I wanna write in pencil in case I need to destroy evidence. LOLLOL JUST in case you were wondering!

A glass box with seashells and rocks from England.......cuz they're pretty.

Sleeping with Bread

It's suppose to be a time of reflection, a moment where you drop the world around you and all the hype.......and remind yourself of what's good and true in your life.
What sustains you?
What drains you?

Drained.
Good word.
And pretty accurate in a whole lot of aspects.
Frankly, I'm not accustomed to 'feeling' emotionally 'drained'. I have a feeling it's a combination of several 'mom' issues.
Not having one in my life during my growing up years always left me with this sense of having missed out on something. Even sappy commercials on the television of mothers and daughters leaves me feeling a bit 'detached'. I never had, nor will I ever get to have that experience. Poor me? Nah. Just a sad fact in my life that isn't necessarily 'saddening' all the time.
Mother's Day.....I've never been big on it and I'm still not. Again, it's simply outside the realms of my experience.
Pay homage to ME? Nah.....I don't think so. Not having a 'teacher', I muddled through best I could. And frankly, I'm loved loads by the girl every day. The boy and I are detached today and have been for more than a few years. He struggles. I struggle. I put the ball in his court and he's not interested--or hasn't voiced an interest in resuming a different relationship.
He's still lost in parts of that 'disease' and it's all about him and what 'feels good'.
Sadly, not being accountable for himself and with me--feels good for him today.
I could say that doesn't bother me.
It does, when I give myself the luxury to play around in how it IS today.
I don't do that often cuz it's simply not productive and I don't get to change anything. I do get to live with the end results.
Mother's Day tends to give me some sort of permission slip to flit in and out of some of that grieving and self pity.
Today's Monday and it still feels 'ucky' and 'sad'........so I'm thinking I've passed the 'grief' and moved right into 'poooooor meeeeeeee'.
Small wonder I'm 'feeling drained'.
I've managed to grab some 'stuff' and wallowed around in it.
"Move on" would probably be a wise thing to do.

Sustaining me?
*thinking*

I think I'd have to be honest and say "ME........I'M sustaining me."
Wanna know what's adding to that 'drained' feeling? See above.
Any time I'm sustaining ME.....small wonder I'm tired.
I'm looking to the wrong place, obviously.
That morning commune with the Big Guy has been much more brief in the past week.....and practically non-existant this morning.
And again.......any time I can say "I'M sustaining me." I best be surrendering and remembering I SUCK as sustaining me. I can only do that for a very limited amount of time before I become ....(you got it) drained.

It's all circular when it's about MEMEME.
Every time.
You'd think I'da figured that out and done different by now, wouldn't ya!!
Ohhhhhhhhhhhh nooooooooooo......


A surrender -- definitely in order.

Happy Mother's Day

Well.....day two and the rain didn't wash away the pretty from yesterday. So I drug out the sidewalk chalk to pretend to finish what I'd started.
The rain will do the rest.
Yes, there's rain forecasted for overnight. *shrugs*
Clean canvas! ;-) Funny how one's attitude dictates everything, huh?

And Mr. Bunny opted to come for multiple visits today. He didn't seem to much care that I was outside drinking my suntea.

I didn't much care he was outside eating the corns.

And this evening--seeings how I was ripped off last evening--we're playing with trains!
He let me push the button that made the diesel engine's whistle sound.
Of course, that's the only button I now wanna push.
*snickering*
That'll teach him!

I haffta comment on the green stuff and the eagle flying around.

That's the comment!
It's in process. We work a bit, we rest a bit.
We work some more...and we rest some more.
*shrugs*
I'm making houses with porches and windows and doors and stuff!
Well, I was until I whacked my finger with the scalpely thingy I was using to trim stuff up with. Now I'm donning a Snoopy bandaid and all is right with the world....sorta......

No more construction for me, I'm told. *rolling eyes*
Something about me being dangerous around sharp objects.

*shrugs*

Guess that means I'll haffta feed my feelings with apple custard pie and whip cream?

I'll use a spoon to dish it out since I can't be 'allowed' near knives.
Or.......I could just eat from the pie plate and call it good to go? :-D

Real estate fairy

A helpful idea---learn to identify who owns what.

Then let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours.

If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.

If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.

If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours.

If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too.

Not us.

People's hope and dreams are their property.

Their guilt belongs to them too.

Their happiness or misery is also theirs.

So are their beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice.

Other people's choices are their property, not ours.

What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property?

Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves.

Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.

We learn an appropriate sense of ownership.

If something isn't ours, we don't take it.

If we take it, we learn to give it back.

Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine.

Phooey.....Goody..... and Phooey again....

Suntea--JUST right! Oh my.....that first tall glass with ice and a good slice of lemon is always the bestest suntea ever!
Nope--no pinwheel straw. But I did have a straw with a smiley face! (that counts for something!)

Can I say that the weatherman sucks?

HE SUCKS!!!!!

Honest.....I checked this morning and they forecasted rain this evening--as in LATE evening.

5:00p.m. is NOT late evening...

I had plans for the inner circley places and I didn't get to do 'em.......and then it rained on the circley places I DID have coloured.

NO FAIR! :-(

*pouting*

*sniffle*

I made half a pretty and NOW it's all ucky.

Sucks....... :-(

Guess I'll just haffta try again.

Maybe.......... tomorrow?

:-)

But we had a lovely barbeque. I really like the fella. He's just good people.

And The Brit makes awesome kabobs.

And I did get to watch the trains go 'round and 'round.

AND we had the little Pennsylvania steam engine puffin' smoke and whizzing around with clanging bells and everything!

I got to see 'em go-- for a whole ten minutes.

Ten. Minutes.

Cuz this gal isn't quite ....... she's a bit..... she just sorta.........

*sigh*

She isn't exactly forthright.

More to the point--she lies and isn't real.........genuine.

I'll probably have to answer to MY answer when I got the whispered "Whaddaya think?" question.
"You might not wanna know......" kinda sets you up to answer to the statement, huh?

Oy. What WAS I thinking?

I had GREAT suntea.

It rained on my sidewalk chalk pretty.

I had scrummy kabobs.

I got the heebie-jeebies from the other half of the visiting pair.

*shrugs*

Not an all bad day.

Oh.....and I got apple pie made for me by the visiting fella. He's an awesome pie maker!

I think I'll go enjoy a piece and contemplate what I'm gonna say when the fella rings back. Cuz he will...

Nah...I'll have a piece of that pie and.....plan my next sidewalk chalk adventure! :-)

Company's coming!!

Yep!! Indeed, we have company coming for a barbeque.
And am *I* the one who's frantically scurrying about straightening and primping?
Nope! LOL
Let him, I say!!
Sometimes it's good have a neurotic himself around.

I have my own 'job' to get done in all this, of course.
I'M making certain the suntea brews.

Yeah, yeah........so I got a bit sidetracked--but I'm being productive!
Well......productive by MY terms.
And everyone knows the world OUGHTA be running according to MY terms. *snickering*

Right!
Back to making certain that suntea brews just right!
It's a tough job---but someone's gotta do it! :-D

Squiggle room......

"We are learning how to learn. LEARN, #*%^*!"

Okey dokey.......
This is when I shoulda zipped the lips and simply smiled and nodded.
Smile and nod, Mel.....smile and nod.
But OOOOHHHHHH nooooooooooooo......

*frowning*
We are learning how to learn.
Yeah, but if I'm learning HOW to learn, then I'm only learning how to learn instead of learning what's there TO learn, right?
Wrong?
*scratching head*

"Please G-d, remove her brain.......Amen"

Okay, it's true I 'overthink' and 'complicate the simple'....
But what if I'm RIGHT?!
HA!

Oh yeah.......I forget--I'm suppose to be practicing "You could be right."

"You just keep talking amongst yourselves--lemme know when you're done......"

:-P

I love when wisepersoninmylife gives me 'permission' to do what I wanna do.
Squiggle room is always an interesting thing.
I hang myself every time. And it ain't pretty.
LOL But there ARE moments of fun to it.

*playing in the squiggle room*

"You just run it til the wheels fall off--lemme know when you're willing to listen to someone else besides you."

I listen!
I just don't always DO.
Free will dontchaknow.

Yeah, yeah....I know when it comes to choosing, there's no such thing as 'free'.

Immediate gratification isn't always the bestest choice.

Rarely is it the bestest choice.
But I get to choose.....wooohooooooo!!!!!


"A+B=C, A+B=C.... and C is NOT in your best interest....but g'head and listen to yourselves if you like......"

Now, he KNOWS better than to say 'if you like'.
I bet that's what he meant when he said "We are learning how to learn."
*shrugging*

Some moments I'm more willing than others.
Remind me why it is that I wanna stand around with open hands instead of closed fists?

*smiling* (probably a bit evilishly)

Hows come it worked for the girl and it doesn't work for me?
(I'm blaming the Brit cuz....cuz.......cuz I can!)

And hows come she was 3/4ths the way home when she 'figured it out'.

"DO NOT use that sledge hammer, mom. I figured it out and I can fix it.....easy peasy!" She tells me she'll be here this evening to refix what she thought she fixed so it'll be fixed.

Uh huh.

Apparently 'mercy killings' of a computer are 'disallowed'?
Since WHEN?!

BTW.......FOR THE RECORD....... that bright orange sledge hammer sitting on the file cabinet......merely there for decorative purposes!

The light

"You are accepted!" ... accepted by that which is greater than you and the name of which you do not know. Do not ask the name now, perhaps you will know it later. Do not try to do anything; perhaps later you will do much. Do not seek for anything, do not perform anything, and do not intend anything. Simply accept the fact you are accepted.--Paul Tillich