Daily Reading

No man really becomes a fool until he stops asking questions. --Charles P. Steinmetz  

We often pass up the chance to ask a question of someone because we don't want to feel stupid. In the past, we kept very busy trying to look like we were in control; trying to seem as though we already knew what we needed to know. 

Now, in our new awareness that we can't live life alone, there is much we need to ask. We can learn a lot from children in this area. They are so wonderfully free of inhibitions when it comes to asking questions, and as a result, they learn. Their world expands.  

We understand ourselves and others better when we ask questions, when we seek out new knowledge. We haven't experienced, studied, read about, or heard everything there is to know, so we have many questions. 

Now we know we can go ahead and ask, that it's okay, that the answer may help improve the quality of our lives. The more we search, the more we will learn, and the more serenity we will find. Like children, our minds are hungry for knowledge.  Today help me ask questions, without worrying about looking foolish, and respond to questions in the most helpful way I can.

Fairy Diddy

Learning to identify negative thoughts is a powerful way to begin changing our negative behavior. We always think before we act, even if the thinking has become automatic.  As we become committed to being aware of negative thoughts, we can stop, take a deep breath, and repeat a positive affirmation. Practicing this process will actually change the way we feel about ourselves. By thinking about positive things, we can change how we feel about a situation and about ourselves, too. 

He struck out....*snicker*

Funny, that.

Funny that you mentioned going to a meeting tonight—I’m going to go to one myself.

Wow—that was cool to hear outta his mouth.  And a genuinely nice  surprise.

Himself decided he’s tired of only noting the ***holes of the world, that he’s tired of being angry and cynical-- and that he needs to get some help in looking at things differently. 

Oh, and he’s worried we’re drifting apart given I’ve gotten even more involved in the recovery community. 

Go figure, despite my telling him it’s NOT about him, he’d secretly think that it WAS about him. 
Yes, I’m going to two more meetings a week.  But I’m not ‘gone’ more than I was—the meetings slipped into holes I used for sponsoring others—cuz they need less of my time than they used to require.  Sheeeeeeeeshhhhhh……k…….HIS perception.  I guess now I know what the squirrels in his head are telling him, huh?

And wooohooo that he’s decided maybe going to some meetings would be beneficial to him!!  I wanted to do cartwheels—‘cept we’ve been here before and he went twice….and was done with it again.

Bit he went last night and he was fairly pleased—I’m gonna be hopeful about that continuing.  And if it doesn’t—I guess that’s okay, too.  He’ll just have to run it til the wheels fall off.

I try to stay out of his business—I can love him and want things for him, but he’s got his own choices to make.  The folks around the tables will validate and encourage that.

He certainly doesn’t try to dissuade me from making my choices……well, ‘cept for the times he tosses out “If that’s what you believe G-d wants you to do”, which is ammunition I never shoulda handed to him long ago cuz he’ll use it

He might go to another meeting tonight, he told me. 

In fact there’s an A.A. meeting AND an AlAnon meeting in the same building at the same time, if you wanted to go along. 

I tried not to laugh cuz he made it sound like that was an anomaly. 

I passed on the invitation and offered up a different night of the week. See,  I have a group I’m accountable to on Tuesday nights—I’ve committed myself to be present…….every week. “ It’s kinda what builds relationships and makes it all work—we can get through things with a little help from our friends”…….which is when I started singing and  hoping he mighta actually HEARD what I was saying to him.

If not—darn it, guess he’ll run it til the wheels fall off OR he’ll just stay doing what he’s doing and  getting what he’s getting.

But for today—pretty cool the AlAnon book is out on the coffee table again.

Thought for Today

 If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances. --Julia Soul  

Do we avoid making new friends because we're scared they won't like us? Do we get embarrassed when we make a mistake and avoid trying again? When we get our feelings hurt, do we think we're bad, or that something is wrong with us?  

Being scared or shy or hurt are all part of being alive. When we try to stay away from painful feelings, we keep ourselves from having many wonderful adventures. If we're afraid to meet new people, we may never have any close friends. If we stop trying when we're embarrassed, we may never learn a better way of doing things. And if we don't share our hurt feelings, we may never find out that everyone else has the same feelings we have. 

Garden buddy

Double digits

Tonight I had the privilege of attending a meeting I don't attend often....leastwise not lately.  I've taken to attending closer meetings, ones I can get home to with less fear of clipping some stray deer, ones that get me home at a decent hour.

Yeah boy, look at the time!!

I had the privilege of being present for a gent picking up his 35 year medallion.  And the room was filled to the brim with old farts.  30 years here and 20 years there....double digits everywhere.  It was crazy..
Old fart meetings.  The ones filled with people who coulda been your grandparent for goodness sakes.  Certainly they were old enough to be your parent.  Sitting in a room with them for an hour seemed to be torturous...and was.Those were the kind of meetings I used to hate, but they turned into ones I loved.  They were the kind of meetings that were filled with wisdom and serenity and a peacefulness that I wanted to bottle and take home with me.  And they held magic powers for me, somehow drawing me back time and time again until I became almost the "pet" that the old farts took care of.
I worked to make that happen.
And week after week I'd park myself next to the fella that exuded this abundance of spirituality and I would breathe it in for that hour, leaving the meeting void of any care or worry.
Somehow they just disappeared.

The man got 35 YEARS.
And tonight after the meeting he told me he always tried to sit next to me in meetings, hoping some of what I had would just miraculously  soak into him

And he introduced me to five of his sponcees.
He called me an old fart.....and lived.

I'm proud for him and those 35 years.
But with a room filled....FILLED with double digit sobriety....  ....there wasn't one, not one, that had what I wanted and "would go to any lenghts to get it".

Not one.

TFTD

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them so much. --Oscar Wilde  

According to a Japanese legend, two monks were walking down the road when they saw a finely dressed young woman standing before a large mud puddle. She explained that she had no way of crossing the water without ruining her clothes. Without saying a word, the first monk picked her up in his arms and lifted her safely across the obstacle.  A few hours later the second monk said in an accusatory tone, "How could you have picked up that lady? Don't you know that the rules strictly forbid us to touch a member of the opposite sex?" His friend smiled and then replied, "I put the woman down back at the puddle. Are you still carrying her?"  

Like the second monk, many of us are still carrying old hurts, resentments, and lost opportunities that we picked up many mud puddles ago. As long as we remain stuck in the past, we cannot fully hear the inner voice, which speaks to us in the present. Thus, in order to tap our intuition, we need to release and heal our unfinished business.  

By following the example of the first monk, we can put the past down and walk on. See your past experiences as teachings that have guided you to this present moment. An endless array of opportunities and possibilities lie before you. Immerse yourself in this good, and the old hurts will have no place left to make their home.

The shy one

kinda makes me wanna gak and toss the book reading *gak*

 Opening Ourselves to Love  

Open ourselves to the love that is available to us.  

We do not have to limit our sources of love. 

God and the Universe have an unlimited supply of what we need, including love.  

When we are open to receiving love, we will begin to receive it. 

It may come from the most surprising places, including from within ourselves.  

We will be open to and aware of the love that is and has been there for us all along. 

We will feel and appreciate the love from friends. 

We will notice and enjoy the love that comes to us from family.  

We will be ready to receive love in our special love relationships too. 

We do not have to accept love from unsafe people - people who will exploit us or with whom we don't want to have relationships.

But there is plenty of good love available - love that heals our heart, meets our needs, and makes our spirit sing.  

We have denied ourselves too long. We have been martyrs too long. 

We have given so much and allowed ourselves to receive too little. It is time to continue the chain of giving and receiving by allowing ourselves to receive. 

And today, I will open myself to the love that is coming to me from the Universe. I will accept it and enjoy it when it comes.

Eww. Ewwwwww...... EWWWW!!!

Plots and plans.......

Do you want to do something today?  Or would you rather stay home?

I don't mind what we do.....as long as it involves butterflies.  :-/


Hahaha......that worked!  'Cept himself is in dire need of a date with the hair clippers.  What's left of his fringe is unruly and stickey-uppy.
Clippers and THEN butterflies.

After he has coffee and a cruise on the internet--cuz he mighta missed something during his sleeping hours dontchaknow.

k.......which means the butterflies will have had breakfast AND lunch by the time we get around to actually land at a place to see 'em.

k.......that's IT.  I'm unplugging his laptop!
k.....right....think Mel......batteries in the laptop....

I'm unplugging his laptop and plugging the clippers, right where he sits in that comfy chair of his.
:-/

That'll work!!

Fairy Wisdom

A life without discipline is a life without joy.

-- Muriel B.

Wait a minute. Isn't joy a matter of doing what we want? Isn't freedom the state of never having to do what we don't want to do? And isn't discipline - which we learned from our parents - the burden of having to do what we don't want to do?

Actually, joy is the freedom to do what needs to be done. And gaining that freedom takes discipline. Why? Without discipline, we usually end up doing what is familiar to us. And our experience clearly tells us that old thinking and old behaviors bring us anything but joy.

It takes discipline to say no when we need to - when every fiber of our being may be urging us to give in again. It takes discipline to stand up and be counted when our pattern has been to fade into the wallpaper and blend in with any situation.

Discipline isn't easy or fun, but it's the best friend we can have. To practice self-discipline is to move through our days with a sure sense that we'll get where we're going.

French Fry Happy!!!

Bargains......

The good news is I managed to get off my rear end and get some eye glasses made from an optical place near where I work.  The scary news is it cost me $159 for two pairs of glasses--one for reading and one for distance.  Seriously.......  I'm accustomed to paying double that PLUS for one pair.  We'll see if it really was a bargain.  I'm thinking it's hard to screw up reading glasses....LOL....but ya never know!

In the meantime, I've got the whole weekend ahead of me--except for Sunday...cuz I've promised to deliver an oversized buddleiah to the Girl so she can plant it along side the house. It's FREE to her--another bargain!  Oh..... It's all good--it just means driving and Bug time...and more driving.....  Oh, and the Bug called to ask me to bring a pot for her weeds.....daddy's killing them and she wants to save a few.  ROFL

And I'm gonna get to the butterfly gardens this weekend if I have to tie himself up and stuff him in the back of the Jeep.  NOT that himself wouldn't take me, but he's been particularly GRUMPY the past two weeks.  *sigh*  Usually it means he's missing his kiddos or feeling bad about being so far away cuz his mom is aging.

Can't blame him....

We talked this forever before he moved here so we knew it would be an issue.
Maybe I just need to stick him on the plane again.
Uh oh........
Any bets on my passport being current?
*sigh*
Now I'M going to get grumpy........

Fairy Reading

And if not now, when?

--The Talmud

It's so easy to put things off. Sometimes we're like Scarlet O'Hara, who hoped and dreamed for a better life by saying, "There's always tomorrow." But is there always a tomorrow? If we live too many of our days counting on tomorrows, we may find ourselves putting off achievements and growth now.

What if tomorrow never came? What if all of our time to do what we wanted was put in the hours left in today? We'd be scurrying around like mice trying to cram as much as we could into this short period of time. But today, not having such a deadline, we believe our time is endless and no goal or task is so important that it can't be put off.

The time to achieve is now. The time to live is now. For as long as we believe tomorrow will come, we'll be living for tomorrow. If we don't believe today is the greatest gift we could receive, we'll never know how to live for today. Everything we want to achieve, to learn, to share can begin today. If we don't live the best we can right now, then when?

Today's Reading

It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.

--Antoine de St. Exupery

A tuning fork is a small tool that is used to tune musical instruments. It is tapped softly and then set down. As it vibrates, it gives off a musical tone. When its vibrations perfectly match the vibrations of the note played on the instrument, the instrument is in tune. When the note matches the tuning fork, this can be both felt and heard.

Our hearts work like a tuning fork. When the heart feels completely in tune with a decision or thought or action in our lives, then we know it is the right one for us. We can actually feel the harmony inside our bodies.

Sometimes what we know deep in our hearts gets clouded over by doubts and questions and other people's opinions and judgments. We need to clear away such clouds and listen to our hearts, for our hearts carry great wisdom.

The gaggle of yellow

...minus one flagpole and flag.....

*sigh*

I get pissed off, I say stuff best left unsaid.....which is why I didn't tell himself about the Friday night fair stupidity.  No way was I telling him Friday, he'da had a stroke on me or something.
So why I told him tonight, expecting different results, is beyond me.

No, it's not beyond me.

I got pissed.
I got pissed cuz the neighbor 'thought' he saw someone running down the street with a flagpole the other night BUT he forgot to ask.

No, I didn't take the 'there's a hole in your yard that holds a flagpole for the holidays cuz everyone on the street has them' flagpole inside…
Pisses me off that I'm minus my flagpole and flag.
My neighbor who is since left the material world bored holes in it for 9/11.  I could hang the flag at half mast.
And some intoxicated, "entitled", fair-going craphead decided he could grab 'em and go.

My flagpole....and flag.

Yes, I did similar, stupid, craphead ****when I was drinking.
STILL pisses me off....and so I popped off with the crap I dealt with Friday night...which pissed himself off, including the fact that I didn't tell him this Friday....which I purposefully DIDN'T tell him because of this very reason.

He doesn't get to be pissed off.
HE was pissed off Friday.

It's my turn.

TFTD

There are many people in this world who would dearly love to have what you have. Plenty of other people would love to know what you know, to experience what you’ve experienced, and to live in the way you live.

Don’t let yourself become so accustomed to your many blessings that you discount them. There is enormous value in your life, and so many great things you can do with it.

Real gratitude goes beyond just thinking thankful thoughts and saying thankful words. The power of gratitude comes when you make good and meaningful use of all those things for which you’re thankful.

Squealing

Things that make me happy....

....making the Bug's "count down" board with the Girl.  

....the squeals of joy from kiddos riding the fair rides.

....one man bands.

....patio sitting and live music!

....sand sculptures.

....rows of brightly coloured stuffies.

....grilled turkey drumsticks.  Yummmm!!!

Fairy reminder

This day is too precious to waste it waiting or hoping for things to be different. 

Now is what you have, and it has beautiful possibilities, so delight in it fully while it is here.

Countin' down!!

Daily Reading

The Importance of Money

We cannot afford to allow our focus in life to be money. That will not lead us into the abundance we're seeking. Usually, it will not even lead to financial stability.

Money is important. We deserve to be paid what we're worth. We will be paid what we're worth when we believe we deserve to be. But often plans fail when our primary consideration is money.

What do we really want to do? What do we feel led to do? What are our instincts telling us? What do we feel guided to do? What are we excited about doing? Seek to find a way to do that, without worrying about the money.

Consider the financial aspects. Set boundaries about what you need to be paid. Be reasonable. Expect to start at the bottom and work up. But if you feel led toward a job, go for it.

Is there something we truly don't want to do, something that goes against our grain, but we are trying to force ourselves into it "for the money"? Usually, that's a behavior that backfires. It doesn't work. We make ourselves miserable, and the money usually goes wrong too.

Money is a consideration, but it cannot be our primary consideration if we are seeking spiritual security and peace of mind.

And we survived yet another fair week!!

Tired.
Bone weary, not sure I was gonna get off the patio swing to pack up the Girl and the Bug who decided to just stay over and visit the fair two days in a row....and since Bug could ride the rides for a flat fee for five hours STRAIGHT....uh huh, this would be the source of the "bone tired".
And I do mean BONE tired.
*sigh*

I need to remember it takes 2-3 years to recover from a broken femur.  And I have to start that year from the time of surgery, not from the time of the actual break....oh, and tack on time from the chronic pain and acute anemis....and a bit more from the crappy, whiney attitude for good measure.

:-/

Right.....pry myself from the couch, make my veggies to go and set out tomorrow's outfit!

And find Ben Gay.
LOL

Tonight's dinner

Fairy Reading

Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts.

I once had a beautiful plant. It sat on my dining room table for three weeks as I waited for it to blossom. Each week, I waited for something to happen. By week three, instead of a luscious blooming bush, what revealed itself was a dry, shriveled piece of nothing.

I stormed angrily into the florist's shop and demanded an explanation for why my plant had died. Puzzled, yet relatively calm, the florist asked, "Did you do everything, I told you to do?"

"Absolutely! I waited for three weeks just like you said. I just waited, and now my plant is dead."

Scratching his head in wonderment, he asked, "Did you also water the plant every three days? Did you feed it the plant food I gave you? Did you keep it out of direct sunlight? Tell me, what did you do?"

"I didn't water it, because it didn't look like it needed it. I lost the food you gave me, and I didn't have time to get more. And I thought you said to keep it in direct sunlight. I waited for three weeks before calling you because I figured it would be okay, I thought if I let go and let God, the plant would eventually bloom."

How easy it is to mistakenly believe that "let go and let God," means to sit back and do nothing. Our words may not speak it, but our behavior says, "If we just wait, God will provide and good things will happen without our having to do anything."

When we're disrespectful of others, it is easy to think that our behavior is an indication of power and self-esteem. On the contrary, it suggests that we care little about ourselves, because we care little about others, For years, I had many excuses for bad behavior: My behavior at the florist's shop was inappropriate. That was no way to speak to anyone. Eventually I went back and made amends for how I spoke to the florist. Self-esteem comes from doing esteemable acts.

Yikes...

I'm still trying to regroup from last night....sheesh....

I'm a staunch supporter of this county's fair.  It generates a lot of revenue.  And it, for some reason, is able to bring in big name entertainers.  Which means we get audiences 5 or 6 times this bitty towns population.  Yup....craziness....for the entire 5 days.
Party buses, intoxicated people wee-ing between houses and parked cars, limos ignoring "no parking" signs and strangers loosing their cars.  LOL. In that mess, I could do that in broad daylight....in the dark....I can relate!!
After 24 years here, I don't mind.  And if there's something that I think is unsafe....I don't mind doing an intervention.  Like last night's party bus parked across our driveway, partially blocking the sidewalk, making it impossible for people to see traffic coming.

Himself was going to take care of it.
Himself....the one who felt a need to run away yesterday JUST as the traffic was insane for the Friday night concert....cowboy hat and boots material...down home, ass kickin' gooood time concert (LOL)......cuz he felt anxious with the amount of people and he needed to "run away".
Himself....the one I sent into the house after kicking the beer can  off the lawn.  ( It was the accompanying remark that earned him that time out.)
Himself....the one who told me I wouldn't understand it, but he needed people out of "his space".   (I do understand personal space...I have a really BIG "bubble" when it comes to personal space, which is why I enjoy the fair OVER THERE and me OVER HERE.  But the throng of people don't really overwhelm me cuz they're OVER THERE.  I can go inside the house if it gets nutz....as can himself, which is where himself was most of the night after we returned from his badly timed run away episode.

Which is why I took care of the "not safely parked" party bus.

I always find it effective to stand in front of the vehicle with a notepad to take the plate number before I approach the driver for his name with the cellphone ready to dial AS I inform him that he'll need to move the half filled  bus of intoxicated cowboys/cowgirls.
I got a bit of his excuses before I told him I "understood".....but, again, the vehicle would need to move.....NOW.
I can deal with the contents of the bus calling me naughty names as they pull away.  I appreciate the folks witnessing my exchange being supportive....and I can soothe the ones who shout naughty names back at the busload and tell them where they can stick it.  LOL. They apologize for their language and call me ma'am.

Thursday's concert crowd was very well mannered.
I guess we'll see what tonight's crowd brings.

Today my HOPE is to get the Bug down to see bunnies and chicks and sandcastles and the stock car races.  And to get the Girl on the road before the masses arrive.
Oh!! And to get some fresh made carmel corn....and to smell funnel cake!  LOL

And himself has agreed he'll be off to the basement for a movie and some model making when tonight's concert goers begin to arrive.  I might join him if I get get bored.  LOL

Aim High

TFTD

Stopping, calming, and resting are preconditions for healing. When animals in the forest are wounded they find a place to lie down and rest completely for many days . . . They just rest and get the healing they need.

--Thich Nhat Hanh

We hurt. We suffer. We wrong our loved ones and they do wrong by us. Reaching desperately for an answer will not help us. Pretending we're not hurt doesn't help either. When we are wounded, the wound needs rest in order to heal. So it is with our souls. If we poke at our hurt, pick at the sore, rub it in the dirt of others' opinions, we do not allow it time to heal.

If you've been hurt, accept that. Feel the hurt. Be aware of it. Let it heal. Maybe it would be better if you didn't talk to that person for a while. Maybe you need to let go of the relationship. Maybe you just need some quiet time. Whatever the answer is, find a safe place and allow yourself to heal.

If you're feeling pain, be aware of it. Feel the pain, and then quit picking at the wound. Lie low. Quit fighting. Relax. Give your wounds time and enough rest to heal.

Insanity Fairy

When Things Don't Work

Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way. When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same way.

We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.

That approach makes us crazy. It tends to get us stuck and trapped. It is the stuff that unmanageability is made of.

We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life. We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.

Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder. Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go, detach, and stop trying so hard.

If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something. Life is a gentle teacher. She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us. Sometimes, the signs are more subtle. Something not working may be a sign!

Let go. If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path. Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate. Sometimes, a different path opens up. Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.

Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't flowing. Step back and wait for clear guidance.

Fairy Reminder

Taking Care of Ourselves  

It's healthy, wise, and loving to be considerate and responsive to the feelings and needs of others. That's different from caretaking. Caretaking is a self-defeating and, certainly, a relationship defeating behavior - a behavior that backfires and can cause us to feel resentful and victimized - because ultimately, what we feel, want, and need will come to the surface.  

Some people seem to invite emotional caretaking. We can learn to refuse the invitation. We can be concerned; we can be loving, when possible; but we can place value on our own needs and feelings too. Part of personal growth means learning to pay attention to, and place importance on, what we feel, want, and need, because we begin to see that there are clear, predictable, and usually undesirable consequences when we don't.  

Be patient and gentle with yourself as you learn to do this. Be understanding with yourself when you slip back into the old behavior of emotional caretaking and self-neglect.  But stop the cycle today. We do not have to feel responsible for others. We do not have to feel guilty about not feeling responsible for others. We can even learn to let ourselves feel good about taking responsibility for our needs and feelings.  Today, I will evaluate whether I've slipped into my old behavior of taking responsibility for another's feelings and needs, while neglecting my own. I will own my power, right, and responsibil

ity to place value on myself.

Pastel Pretty

Things that make me happy

....a walk around the 4-H displays.

....bunnies and chickens and sheeps and the kiddos who show them off.

....the guy who does the sand sculpture....wow is he amazing.

....watching someome else ride The Kamikaze.  LOL

....the smells of the gyros frying....yummm

....freshly spun cotton candy on a paper cone.

....going to a baseball game on the night of the first (of three) sold out concert.  Wooohooo!!

(These happy things brought to you courtesy of the county fair!!)

Latenight drama

Another Reading from the darned fairy......

She walks around all day quietly, but underneath it she's electric; angry energy inside a passive form. The common woman is as common as a thunderstorm. --Judy Grahn  

Many people spend their days in anger and aren't aware of it. The conditions of work and life make many of us angry; we feel powerless to change them, and our frustration angers us more.  The Serenity Prayer asks for "...the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." 

If we examine our lives fearlessly, we may find many things that are in our power to change.  Since we cannot change, or do not choose to change some things, we'd do well to accept them, instead of spinning our wheels in unproductive anger or turning the anger in, against ourselves. And when we summon the courage to change the things we can, our lives will bless us.  

Today I'll look at anger as something I've chosen, instead of something inevitable. Is it covering fear? How can I resolve it?

Fairy Alert

I don't believe in predicting, especially about the future. -- Casey Stengel  

With the pace of change continuing to accelerate, the future is not what it used to be. From one moment to the next, no one can be certain of anything. Your job, your marriage, and your relationship to your children - none of these may be the same next year, next month, or even next week.  How does one survive this changing landscape? 

First, by being flexible and adaptable - ready to change course at any moment. Be prepared to "roll with the punches" and release your old attachments or current expectations. 

 Second, practice living one day at a time. Realize that the only thing you can really affect is how you feel this instant. By focusing on the present moment, you can continue to experience peace and joy - no matter how the outer circumstances may change.  

Finally, know that the removal of old securities opens the way to new opportunities. Human consciousness is moving to ever-higher levels of awareness. How much easier the journey is when we flow with the process of change.

Umm.......duh?

Uh oh......

It's fair week.
No.....really....it's FAIR WEEK.
HOLY crap how did that happen?
Suddenly it's fair week.

Right.....good thing we sprayed for mosquitoes last week, cuz we're spraying again!!  With all this rain, they're interfering with my lightening bug watching!
....k....NOT about me...it's fair week.

OMG...and we had plans to go to a baseball game in the midst of FAIR WEEK?!
What were we thinking!?!
Yup, well, we're going anyway...people will just have to play nice and do without us.

I think we have plenty of charcoal....k....check on the charcoal.
I'll make Sloppy Joe's for one night and people can eat on the go.  I can figure this out in short order.
And  it officially starts Wednesday, so there's plenty of time!  (This is what I told himself when it finally dawned at him that it really IS fair week...)

Right.  Check the charcoal situation.  Get a grocery list started and stop fussing!  LOL. I shoulda put it all together when I stopped to take a picture of the limo and bus parking YESTERDAY.
LOL. I'm blaming the meds!!

Ahoy.....a flower!!

Fairy Wisdom for the Day

We need the courage to start and continue what we should do, and courage to stop what we shouldn't do. --Richard L. Evans  

What is courage? Many of us think it involves surviving against all odds. Some of us believe courage is personified by an individual like Helen Keller, who coped with many physical defects to vastly change her life and the lives of those around her. Others of us believe courage is personified by people like astronaut John Glenn, who took risks trying something new knowing he could fail.  

Are we courageous? Compared to those people we would probably say no. Yet we are because we have taken risks to change our lives. Being willing to change is an act of courage. Believing in change and forging ahead on the new, uncharted path is an act of courage.  We are the only ones who can change ourselves. Just as Helen Keller and John Glenn made decisions to alter their lives, so do we make decisions to risk changes. 

Whether we started on our new way of life years ago, days ago, or even hours ago, we are filled with courage because of the decisions we made. 

Fairy Reminder for Today

Life guarantees a chance - not a fair shake.

--Bernie Y.

Life is not fair. Most of us know that, but few of us accept it. Something in us often clings to the idea that ultimately, the gifts will all be evenly divided. Mostly we want to be paid back for the injustices of the past. Many of us expect - no, demand - redress from fate. We think life should "make it up" to us somehow. That's why it's so hard for us to go on discovering, again and again, what we already know: Life is not fair.

The good job that should have been ours, the accident that crippled a loved one, unwanted childlessness - these things are not fair. But life is like soil, not like seed. The chance of a harvest is there, but only if we plant the seed. And even then we may not get the harvest we expected or wished for - not on our own timetable. It is an act of faith, and of great courage, to keep on sowing seeds when we don't know what we're going to get. But it's the only chance we have. We need to stop expecting the soil to provide the seed.

Riverwalk

Fairy Reading

We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom that is in it - and stay there, lest we be like the cat that sits down on a hot stove lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove lid again... but also, she will never sit down on a cold one any more.

--Mark Twain

"Last night I asked for help, but the person couldn't give it to me. Tonight I'm not going to ask because I'll be refused."  Poor us! One person has rejected us, so now we've got the whole world rejecting us. We believe if one person lets us down, everyone else will too.

Such thinking, as negative as it is, can provide safety. If we believe we can't trust anymore, then we won't. But there won't be any growth in this kind of safety. By condemning everyone, we won't see those who want to help.

To find help we may have to ask several people. If a few people turn us away, we shouldn't give up hope. There are many flowers in the field of life, but to pick the best, we need to look at them all.

If I get rejected it doesn't mean I'm a bad person or no one can be trusted. It means I need to take another risk or maybe two.

Crap.......

I'm gonna have to give some thought to this.  I'm just not sure what I think and how I feel about stuff.at the moment.  It's probably good that I have 4 months before the next appointment unless there's a problem, of course.  She's good about making sure that I know I don't have to (nor should I) wait on stuff until the next appointment.

So.....I got  to decide exactly what I wanted to do with the side effects--all which are "normal" side effects.  And no, I haven't gained "a lot of weight.....she told me it was a "whopping 1.1 kilos" before I could cut her off and remind her that I was the gal who stands backwards on the scale and darn that I do that....for a reason!   *sigh*

I didn't want to start over.  I already know what the lower dose does for me.  And I've generally been a "suck it up and get over it" kinda gal.....so I'm gonna suck it up and see if it all sorta evens itself out.

So doc will go away for 3 weeks vacation (I have her interns number...LOL) And I'll try to maintain this state of "more manageable" for four months.  If I can do that, she'll "release me back to the care of my doctor".

I think I was originally stunned....confused, maybe....stupidly "happy"?  Happy to go back to the ortho surgeon cuz I like my doc and believes he cares that I'm "fixed".

Last night I didn't sleep worth a damn.
Today there's an odd sense of ambivalence about going back....cuz that means this is as good as it gets.  This is as good as it gets?!
I know that I tolerate a heck of a lot more than most folks.
My doc believes me when I rate my pain at an 8 and act like it's just another day in paradise...after all, I walked around 80/90% weight bearing on a nonunion / broken femur.
.....For 9 months.
But, seriously?  This is as good as it gets and I'm not going to be cured from this 'all the time' pain?  This is it?
I have to work a bit on that.....and I have 4 months to wrap my brain around accepting that this is the best it's going to get....even as a 70 year old....when I'm older and more tired....and less devoted to making  life work with this degree of THIS.

Limestone and Light

Fairy Reading

Self-control is one of the greatest skills I've learned. --Jim Burns  

Most of us assume we have mastered self-control by now. And perhaps we have. A good test is to monitor how we respond to a nagging spouse or a disrespectful postman or vile-mouthed teenager. Do instances such as these make us angry or resentful? If so, we aren't exerting adequate self-control. 

Letting another's behavior, no matter how petty, disturb our inner peace means we aren't in control of ourselves. But we can be. There is still time to learn how, and most of us have all the time we need.  Why is self-control so valuable? 

Getting agitated feels good sometimes. We may think it's superior to boredom. But in truth, losing control of our emotions means we are always in the control of someone else. That too often means we are on a rollercoaster of ups and downs that exhaust us. Illness can even result. Another benefit of self-control is that we can lessen the turmoil around us, rather than add to it. 

The impact of any action or thought or quiet response is never ending. It's quite analogous to the pebble skipped across the pond. We are making subtle contributions to the world around us whether we are conscious of it or not. Let's be more careful of our input. 

 I will consider my input in all situations carefully today. What someone else does need not determine my actions.

Another Reading from the Fairies

If the best man's faults were written on his forehead, it would make him pull his hat over his eyes. --Gaelic proverb  

When we deal with our faults and imperfections, we are dealing with the basic issues of being a person. We can become bitter and cynical about the imperfections of others, or we can realize every person is incomplete but growing, just as we are. The way we look at the faults in others and the way we look at our own are closely tied together. 

In our spiritual journey, we must begin with the premise that no person ever achieves perfection.  Perfection apparently is not what this life is about at all, since perfection is nonexistent. We are lovable, and we can love in the process of living our lives. Since we are not perfect, we have to be accountable. We must have standards for our behavior and hold ourselves to those standards, admitting our mistakes and making repairs where we can.  I will try to acknowledge my mistakes and give up the idea of ever becoming perfect.

Promise

Short, sweet and to the point.

What am I going to tell the doctor he asked.
Naturally, I asked what he thought I should tell her....it's the therapist in me.
There seems to be less pain, or at least it's more manageable.
There seems to be an issue with my balance.
And it takes longer for my eyes to adjust.

I'd have to agree with him.
I walk like a drunk.
I am managing the pain better...and I seem to be sleeping better.
I can't remember sick' em.  (He says that's old age so I whapped him).
I'm chubby (He's happy...he's been trying to fatten me up for six years, non-stop since gluten free became required.).
And I walk around with blurry vision after working at the computer (I just got a vision exam, so that oughta help.

He's hoping I present it a little more professionally and succinctly than I rattled it off to him.
Fine.....I've turned into a chubby, blind drunk who can't remember s***.

He's so cute when he closes his eyes and just hangs his head and shakes it.  :-/

Fairy Reading

We do not have to get caught in the middle of other people's issues. -- Melody Beattie  

Learning to respect boundaries, our own and other people's, eliminates much of the stress that hinders relationships. Accepting the behavior and the opinions of our friends as legitimate for them allows our relationships to teach us tolerance and patience and love. 

Our journey on this planet is not about "fixing" or controlling others, but about loving them wholly, just as we want to be loved.  We need other people. Our humanity is enhanced by our mutual experiences. But we also need to let others learn from their mistakes and their own experiences, rather than to help them avoid what they need for their growth. 

We hate to see our friends in pain. Our compassion is triggered when trouble trips them. But their journey must be inviolate. We'll only prolong their struggle by intervening where we aren't needed.  It's hard to back away when a friend is in trouble. But telling a friend you love and support him or her may give them the strength they need.

Fairy Reading

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt

In this moment, we are the best we can be. Today, we can work at loving the best in ourselves and not fearing the worst. We are truly wonderful and growing people with gifts and qualities that make us who we are.

No one can make us feel inferior without our consent.  Now, we are in charge of our lives and growth. We can choose to let go of old negative thinking. We can choose to think positive, loving thoughts about ourselves. We never need to be victims again to other people. We have options today. We can choose to grow in a positive way. We can choose to have loving, affirming

people in our lives.

Dam Seat

Things that make me happy....

....Monarch butterflies....and swallowtails......and viceroys and painted ladies and pretty-black-with-blue-and-I-don't-know-what-they're-called butterflies!

....watching four baby groundsquirrels LEAP around.

....spotting the two skunks in our yard BEFORE we got out of the Jeep.

....bug stuff that actually makes mosquitos go away.

....being able to help, in some fashion, after the mess the weather gave us.

....getting an eye appointment so fast.

....the flags that line the street that runs north through town.

....making it down to the fairgrounds to watch fireworks.