Trackside Office

(the bigger picture.....office with a view)

Today's Thought

Do, or do not. There is no "try."

--Yoda, in The Empire Strikes Back

Trying is what we do when we aren't willing to make a commitment. We say, "I'll try," when our heart isn't ready to give a full effort. It's what we say when we can't admit that our resolve is wimpy. And it's the lie that will defeat us.

Some challenges we face can't be conquered simply by saying, "I will do it." But we can choose to do something that will help. We can't move the mountain but we can pick up some rocks. We can engage with the problem and get to know it better. Every action we take leads somewhere and sets us up for the next action. We even learn from our mistakes and that moves us closer to achieving our goal.

Future Office Option

Excuse me a minute or two.......

I was |____| <-- there. Just that close to feeling like I was gonna lose what little sense of order/control I had in the circumstances. And I thought that was a really uncomfortable place to be.

I'm now |_| <-- here.

If I thought that last place was uncomfortable--BOY howdy......this is even more uncomfortable.

Smooshed doesn't even begin to explain it.
There's no breathing room.

None.

Stupid troubles of my own making this time, tyvm.....

I managed to have a rotten day and didn't bother to make that trip to the park LIKE I COMMITTED and PLANNED to do......and I came straight home.
And when I was asked how the day went...... I, LIKE AN IDIOT, started to report.

And true to why I COMMITTED and PLANNED to detour before coming home...I got what I got. And it was not pretty.
And then I wasn't pretty.
Fact is, in my scramble to shut it off cuz I was already |_| <-- there.....I managed to say things in an UNKIND and UNNECESSARY (even if it was true) way.

FINE FREAKING MESS I made of it.

|_| <-- HERE sucks.

And me saying things that don't fit the 'necessary, kind and true' criteria......DUMB DUMB DUMB.

Instead of managing the mess/fallout I create more.

DUMB.

Yes.

I'll clean up the mess I created.
Yes.

I'll own my part....cuz it was wrong and DUMB.

YES.

I'll stick with the plan I COMMITTED to MYSELF to do.

I NEED to stop setting up more problems--cuz there isn't ROOM for 'em.

PERIOD.

k......

Got it.

|_| <-- here sucks......BUT

.....it IS better than

|| <-- here.

Quilt Barn #26

Daily Reading

Our lives are like a story told one day at a time. Some of our story has been revealed; much remains. Yet life is not like a book in which you can skip ahead; life unfolds one day at a time. Though it may be hard right now, let's not wish any of it away but live each day fully.

We are the only ones who can write our story.

No really.....

There was a penguin in the house.

SOMEone put it there, much to himself's surprise and to the bug's glee.

Please note the raw curiosity of the bug. What can't be seen is the horror on himself's face as he watched little fingers explore tiny, patiently constructed small places.

Oh dear.

What a shame.

Nevermind! *laughing*

Her highness, the bug, is currently in California--lapping up a yummy ice cream with the sister who's just upsidedown with joy at having her present.

She wowed everyone on the plane, immediately stole the sister's heart and will be attended to in the grandest of fashion, I'm sure.

And I miss her.

Geeze.

"....calm down cow"

Makes me laugh just remembering her moment with the vibrating cow, imitating her mother who asked her to calm down because a small moment was being turned into a major power struggle when the bug wanted to tote her banana off to bed with her.

LET her? Sounded simple to me!
So the wee thing let Nana tuck her in with the banana clutched in one hand and the vibrating cow hugged tightly to her.

It took her all of five minutes to pass out.
No big deal......banana was relieved of it's place and she happily snored her way into dream land.

Yep. I miss her.

But I'm really, really glad for her adventures.

And grandad's glad for the wee fingers that were careful as they tried to fish out the penguin from the house.

"Peng-in.....house!"

*snickering*

And he said "There's no penguin in the--right then....there IS a peng-in in the house....."

I tried to look surprised.

Honest. :-/

Penguin in the House

Things that make me happy....

....puddles.

....the Thomas the Tank Engine bubble maker. :-D

...."Nana! Bug stay at Nana's HOUSE!"

....donut holes.

....fuzzy trees.

....sunshiney blue skies.

....bunnies leaping about.

....kites! :-)

Today's Reading

The world we live in depends on the responsible contributions each of us makes. And this world is just as good as are the many talents we commit ourselves to developing and offering. None of us is without obligation to offer our best to our family, friends, or strangers, if our hope is to live in a good world.

The world can only be as good as each of us makes it.

Individually and collectively our power to mold the outer circumstances of our lives is profound.

Our personal responses to one another and our reactions to events that touch us combine with the actions of others to create a changed environment that affects us.

No action, no thought goes unnoticed, unfelt, in this interdependent system of humanity.

We share this universe.

We are the force behind all that the universe offers.

Whether I acknowledge the depth of my contribution is irrelevant.

It is still profound and making an impact every moment and eternally.

Lofty

TFTD

So how can we stop worrying? We can take some clear steps.

First, we need to determine the root of our worry. If necessary, it may help to write down our problem.

Second, we should answer these questions: How likely is it that this problem will actually happen? How serious is the problem? How much control do we have over it?

Third, we need to make a plan. What could we do about the problem? What would this action solve? Sometimes the best thing we can do is let go.

Fourth, we should talk it all over with another person, someone who has faced worry and come through the other side.

When we take these steps, we usually learn one of two things; there is a smarter way to handle the problem, or there is nothing we can do about it.

Beaver Distraction

Oh boy.......

There's a house full.

They come, they go.

Thankfully I felt well enough to fix the bbq-ed pulled pork that took all of 14 hours to fix....and all of two hours to demolish. A bit here--a bit there... I think that means they liked it?

Himself wasn't well enough yesterday. Said he was weller today....dunno.

Doesn't help that his blood pressure is up.

Doesn't help that because he was dizzy (I'm thinking inner ear....) he assumed 'brain tumor'.

Toooooooooooo much drama.

And it's hard to know what's 'off' when there's always something 'off'.

He is not a well person.

He's not experienced 'sick' to know what's an inconvenience and what's really 'sick!'.

Oh brother......

Anyway.

The good news is--not many left overs as far as the pulled pork goes.

The bad news--everybody brought 'stuff'.....which means lots of leftovers of the 'other' kind.

Or....garbage maybe?

He's gonna eat a tray full of kolaches?

He might wanna......but he ain't gonna!

<-- smart like that!

:-/

MELT, dangit.......

Fairy Diddy

You had better live your best and act your best and think your best today: for today is the sure preparation for tomorrow and all the other tomorrows that follow.

--Harriet Martineau

Quilt Barn #25

Today's Reading

When following the inner voice, one must deal with the experience of uncertainty. The future is not laid out and comes down to trust – trusting that the support will be there; that the money will come; that if one path does not work out, another one will open up.

We can develop this trust from experience. We step out in faith the first time, and the Universe supports us. We step out again and the assistance is there. After several experiences, we begin to feel comfortable living by faith – our "invisible means of support." We no longer need to know ahead of time how everything will work out.

So make the decision. Let go of the worry, the anxiety, and the doubt. Have faith in your connection to universal principles, for it is here that your true security lies. The Universe will not abandon you if you maintain your connection to it. Keep the faith, and the faith will keep you.

Brilliance

.......and I feel _______ *sigh*

He knocked on the door after I'd excused myself by announcing I was going to bed.
My 'feeling' was enabled and I felt it.

Hugely so.

I don't think I'd felt so......misunderstood, maybe? Dunno what I felt......

"I sounded mean."

Yeah......ya did.

"I don't have the patience for that kind of thing."

You suggested I give up. And I will not.
Once-upon-a-time someone cared enough about my life to not give up on me.....and I can't...won't give up.

I said those things to him.

Not maliciously.
Not angrily.....I just........said 'em.....

In the core of me is this place that HAS to persevere.
It's a huge piece of ME.

And this morning--I left before he awakened.

It was about 9ish when he rang me at work to tell me he'd felt bad about what he'd said.

I appreciated the call.

Really....I did.

I do.

Weathering Support

Thought For The Day

Happiness is more fleeting for some of us than for others. We may ponder this notion but fail to grasp the reason. However, careful attention to how "the happy ones" go through life will enlighten us. We will note how seldom they complain about others' actions. We will discover their willingness to accept others as they are. We will see that their attention is generally on the positive aspects of people and circumstances rather than on the negative.

We can join the parade of "happy ones" by letting go of our need to change people and situations that disturb us. Even when we are certain other people are wrong, we can let go of controlling them. Doing this means changing ourselves, of course. But this is the one thing in life we do have control over.

QOTW

What do you do to cheer yourself up after a 'bad day'?

First of all--I don't tend to let my 'bad moment' turn into an all day affair.

I've been known to pull out a toy, get out of the office and go for a bit of a drive--walk around the building REALLY fast multiple times....whatever it takes to remove myself from the moment and start anew/put things in order/get it together!

It's a rare thing when I can't make the luxury happen.

But if I can't--or if it's a succession of one 'bad moment' after another 'bad moment' after another.... I grab himself and we go on an adventure.
Sometimes that's a 'detour' on the way to grab something to eat (another excuse to get in the Jeep and go, mind you....). But it's a change of scenery, a change in what I'm doing--a break from whatever circumstance(s) that I'm letting get the best of me.

I don't like anything.....and I especially don't like anyONE being given the power to 'get the best of me'.


*chuckling*

Here's a surprise--I like to 'win'.

And when I'm 'right there...' I tend to put it into 'win/lose' terms in my brain. Sometimes I even say it out loud to myself (IN my best WPIML voice....)
'You're going to let __________ decide your happiness/attitude FOR you?! Really...... Wow..what a wuss.....'

*laughing* THAT usually works for sure.

Tower Top

Fairy Dust

Today, let me have the courage to believe that the best is yet to come.

Spring Rain

Things that make me happy....

....absence of snow. (thank you, Spadoman for shouldering that for us!)

....Esmerelda and Emmet Eagle (and three little eggs!)

....coffee singles. OMGosh, perfect for that 'just ONE MORE cup' deal.

....bunny Pez dispensers. :-)

....working text on cellphones. (geeze, I never thought I'd miss that--til it quit working over the weekend.....oh my gosh.....)

....redwing blackbirds. :-) (k.....they'll KEEP making me happy for a while)

....bitty shoots of green in the yard. I think it's grass! Whoa......

Fairy Thought

It's easy to love people who are like us, who may have been raised the same way, educated the same way, share the same values, or have had many of the same experiences. It's not as easy to love people who seem different.

It's not easy, either, to love the way we feel sometimes, or the unpleasant things that happen to us. But, like the people who are "different" from us, even our negative feelings need to be loved. Our fears, frustrations, pain, boredom, despair - these are part of us and they oftentimes have a greater purpose.

We may not think it's possible to love how we feel, but we can make the decision to love everything about ourselves - and then we can see what happens. We may not know the higher purpose, but we may understand better if we learn to love ourselves the way we are.

YetToBeNamed

Mrs. Eagle

Apparently G-d doesn't want my two cents added to some things today.

'Read only' status--unable to post/comment.

Not that it's an all bad thing. Sometimes it's just best to hush and listen/read.

I've read.

And now I'll watch....the mama eagle is on her nest.

Spadoman was kindly enough to send on a link to a nearby nest and I'm in love.

It brings me peace.....and happiness.

And if I poke her with the cursor, she moves!

k.....that mighta been a lie. *laughing*

Esmerelda Eagle.

And Emmet.

Yup.....I've decided.

Streaming .TV shows by Ustream

Quilt Barn #24

TFTD

Happiness is not a reward — it is a consequence.

Suffering is not a punishment — it is a result.

Author: Robert Green Ingersoll

Shunt Zone

Today's Fairy Reminder

Neither possession nor devotion guarantees the security we long for. Real love is not selfish; it frees both the giver and the receiver. Knowing we're loved sustains our hearts and diminishes our difficulties. It doesn't bind us, yet paradoxically it bonds our hearts. These encouragements to grow, to change, to dare to depart if it's for our own good, are expressions of real love. Real love is never ownership, only stewardship of this moment's experiences. Let's be gentle with one another, and love fully.

Whirly Birdie Butts

<-- one of three whirly birdies (they hang in formation.....LOL)

Poor things lasted through one rain.....this after himself chastised me for hanging them up. He was fearful what the neighbors would say.

He didn't think they were cute.

*rolling eyes*

Yeah, well......they were my prezzie and the girl toted them back from India for me for a reason! So pfffffffttt.

Only......one of the birdie butts didn't whirl.

I whined--it was fixed.

And son of a gun--in the last three days they've sorta 'grown on him' and he now thinks they're 'sort of cute'.

Only.......now they're broken.

Well......I'm not sure they're broken--but the seeds have broken open. LOL I think it was the sun and rain?

Only took three days!

AND I didn't haffta stick 'em in mud!

Himself tells me he'll 'have a go at fixing' them. I'm sad, dangit. I want my whirling birdies back!

"Perhaps we'll have a tropical tree for the patio instead?"

FIX 'EM!!!

*sniffle*

He's such a smartie pants.....

Aforementioned

Today's Reading

"I can't. I shouldn't. It's my fault." These self-abasing and self-defeating thoughts are expressions of shame. Because repeated thoughts turn into beliefs and long-held beliefs turn into actions, thoughts rooted in shame can lead to tragedy.

People who live in shame come to believe that it is not okay to make a mistake. They imagine they should know what to do without having to learn it. They think their wrong judgments mean they themselves are wrong.

But it is human to make mistakes. If we acknowledge we are human, we are defining ourselves as people who always have something to learn. We are saying we have to keep going if our plans don't work out right away.

"Thou shalt not be human" is the command of shame. What rubbish! How can we be anything else? Why would we want to be?

Chuggin' along....

Snowman Circumstances

Yesterday's sunrise was a good thing.

Frankly, it was good to be outside and alone.....and in awe of the creation of a new day.
I've reset my homepage on the web browser. I can't take more of the devastation and heartache. My heart hurts enough. It seems I'm keeping tabs on all the ouchies in life and missing the reasons to celebrate. Yesterday's morning was an affirmation of the glory of a newly delivered day. And last evening it was sunset watching...

I know how Mr. Snowman feels.......

Himself just got the poor frozen penguin and snowman in from the long season--they were frozen to the ground under layer upon layer of snow.....and ice. The lights were finally removed as well. Yes, I know. It's March.

Himself joked that we weren't the only 'trailer trash' in town with holiday decorations stuck in place until enough thaw happened. And certainly not the only house in town whose lights remained up because the ladder couldn't get close with the piles of snow.

THAT'S how long and hard the season was.....

Mr. Snowman is NOT a happy snowman.
And Mel ain't been that happy either.

I believe everyone's noticed. Dammit all.......

I do, in part, blame the season. I'm a fresh air kinda gal, an on the go for an adventure kinda gal....an exploring kinda gal. Let me have an abandoned building, a bit of farmland..the ability to trespass.....I'm satisfied.

Sunrise.

Sunset. (no, I'm not going to burst into song.....)

But I do agree with the 'laden with happiness and tears' line.

Far more tears than I care to admit as of late.

I keep going back to this same spot.

I keep reminding me that forward is required.

Mr. Snowman is in the garage, irritated for having been stuck in the circumstances this season.

He and I have a whole lotta similarities goin' on.

He's freed from the ice and cold--the circumstances that captured his being for months on end.

I'm thinking it's high time I free myself from them as well.

Yup.....time for an adventure.
I'm kidnapping himself and we're outta here!

Forgotten

LOVE Fairy

Wouldn't it be nice if there were just one person in our lives who loved us no matter what our faults? And wouldn't it be equally nice if we, too, could love just one person in the same way?

Love is not an easy emotion for us to feel. In the past we may have associated feelings of love with negative feelings such as pain, hurt, rejection, or disappointment. But we can put the negative feelings aside and learn how to feel love as a positive emotion.

Love does not necessarily mean sexual attraction or commitment. Love can simply be seeing someone for who he or she is, whether that person is a friend, coworker, boss, family member, or lover. To show love, we can keep our actions simple - by making a phone call, writing a letter, or sharing a hug. Let's show someone we care.

Gnarley

Today's Thought

Whether we have a specific plan for how we anticipate our lives unfolding or we react to opportunities spontaneously, we have to take whatever comes in small increments anyway. Life only happens a day at a time, regardless of who we are. Being "leveled" in this way is good for one's humility. It's also a relief to many of us. Living way into the future prevents us from appreciating whatever is happening at this moment.

There can be joyful excitement in the decision to squeeze the thrill out of every minute that comes to us. If we are practiced in living just one day at a time, we'll not find this difficult. But many of us get caught in the struggle to control outcomes, circumstances, and people far into the future. Living a day at a time can feel like taking a giant step backward.

With practice, we'll realize that living more slowly actually extends our lives because we're able to truly experience each of the moments. Learning this, at any age, is a gift. Let's rejoice in it.

Today offers me twenty-four hours of moments to be appreciated. I will do my best to love them.

They LIVE!!!

<-- bitty things appearing in the mud

<-- believe themselves to be plants

<-- knows this could be a shortlived experience!

*laughing* How true is that?!

Fairy Reading

As we grow accustomed to a broader range of perspectives than just our own, we become more aware of the multiplicity of views. This stretches our minds, teaching us to see in new and valuable ways. It is no accident that each of us brings a unique contribution and personal viewpoint to the table. God's design has gathered us together to learn from one another.

I will appreciate other people's viewpoints today. It is part of God's plan for my growth.

Pastel Creek

Yep--it's official......

It was not a mistake to go to work today.

It was not.....

It was good to get out of the house.

And I left work early.

.....k......an hour early.

It was not a mistake to go to work today.

It WAS a mistake to skip out on a second dose of antibiotic to the rearend.

I felt better Tuesday.

It made sense in my brain......

Yes, I returned for a second dose today--which is why I left the worksite an hour early?

Not 'zakly....

k.....not even close.......

*sigh*

I.......am a dweeb.

Today's Reminder from the Reading Fairy

Dear God,

Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.

--Children's Letters to God

Sometimes we look around, assess the situation, and decide what we think we need. So we go to God and begin praying.

Out of the blue, our prayers get answered. But the answer isn't what we requested. We were so specific, we think. Now, this – this thing – has come along. We didn't get what we asked for. Our prayers were answered, but we got something else.

Don't get bitter or so involved with feeling blue about not getting what you requested that you miss out on what you did receive. Wants and needs are closely connected. And all our needs, even the ones we're not completely aware of yet, will be met. Be grateful that God knows more about what we need than we do.

Sometimes when we pray, we get what we want. Sometimes we get what we need. Accept both answers – the yes's and the something else's – with heartfelt gratitude. Then look around and see what your lesson and gift is.

God, help me remember to be thankful even when the gift is not quite what I expected.

Things that make me happy....

....ultra soft kleenex.

....the "half the sugar/half the calories" orange juice in the fridge.
(not that I can taste it, mind you)

....train bridges.

....sparkley rivers.

....ROBINS!!!! I saw 'em. I SAW 'em!!!!

....bitty shoots of green coming out of mud. (well, I'll BE happy when that happens...)

....playing in dirt......in the kitchen......*snickering*

....remembering to mark what seeds got planted where!
(OMGosh that woulda been very very bad......)

Shhhhhhh

<-- put seeds in mud

<-- waiting

(not so patiently, I might add)

(again.....a news flash........)

Pray and stay out of the way.......

Yeah, I'm worried he's not going to make it.
Yeah, I'm worried he's not going to get it in time.
He insisted doing it his way--and it worked for some time.
He didn't drink for a while......still acted like a jerk, but go figure we mostly all act that in the first bit of trying to live differently.

But boy.....
There's something to be said for watching people do a slow form of suicide.
I'm not sure how slow it's going to be--and I told him that.
I don't like watching him do this. I doubt it would be on anyone's Top 10 Fun Things To Do list.

It's my responsibility to offer a solution. It's my responsibility to live the solution--or not.
I'm clear I can't make him take it and use it in his own life.
I've been clear about that for some time.
I've put up with angry, hurtful things because I know what's driving the bus.
It ain't about me.
Self loathing is a horrid thing.
Nothing is ever 'good enough'.......especially you.

I'll keep on doing what I know to do.

I just don't like not being able to throw my body in front of that careening out of control bus.
Gee.......there's a news flash.......

*sigh*

Quilt Barn #23

TFTD

We should not tap dance around our problems in order to evade responsibility. This will not bring the cleansing we need for real living. We need deep changes, not mere surface ones.

Difficult as it is to be fully honest, it's made easier when we remind ourselves that it's all for our own growth. We benefit in proportion to the amount of honesty we bring to our lives.

Birdsong....and robins.

That's how the day has started, it's a good day already.
I'm up--the swelling is down. I have another round of antibiotic to be introduced to the rearend today. 48 hours later I oughta be good to go (at least out of the contagious stage of strep).
Birdsong! Robin! And yesterday on the way to the doctor (the appointment I was an hour early for because I failed to move the clock......yes, that doctor appointment!) I saw redwing blackbirds.

YES!

SPRING!!! (not tapdancing around problems--celebrating what IS dontchaknow....)

Treasure

Uh huh.....definitely.....

So this is what it's like to lose your hearing.

Seriously, I can't hear stuff.

I know it's all this congestion and crud.

I'll make the phone call and see the doc--pretty convinced it's more than a cold with half of my throat being swollen (yes, I'm thinkin' strep....) and hurting to swallow, things being muffled and my head feeling three times bigger than it is. (though I'm prone to 'ego' fits, that's not what I'm referring to here....)

I know I'm running a temp.

I don't need someone to pass a thermometer my way to know that.

And general, overall crappy feeling that goes from my toes to my hair......yep, I'd say a trip to the physician is in order.

Not that I wanna.

They seem to get great delight out of telling me to 'roll over'--most folks get their antibiotics orally.

Not so for me!

I'm thrilled of course.

I probably needed a break from work. It's been almost two years since I took any time off for vacation time. Two years?

Yeah. Two years......I suck.

And it's not like my level of stress has been minimal for the past while. I borrow troubles and they seem to find me even when I'm not into borrowing.....or stealing....

Sheeeeeeeeeshhhhhh.

Yeah, yeah.....physician. I'll call. Before himself struggles out of bed to suggest that I call. He's down with a nasty head cold himself. Leastwise he thinks it's a head cold deal.

If I get a shot in the rearend, he should get two.

He's dying dontchaknow.

Pffffffffttttttt.

Fairy Thought

Successes are possible…and failures are inevitable, but they’re never final when placed in His hands.

A Shadow of Worship

Fairy Dust

Will I see through the flaws to another's beauty today?

*doing a happy 'melting' dance*

Why is it I can hear the Wicked Witch doing "I'm melting......I'm melting....."

Matters not.......matters that melt is happening and snow is going bye bye.

*crossing fingers*

I can hope!

*hugging kleenex box*

Oy......