Thought for the Day

You could probably get by with not doing much today.
But then you would have wasted an entire unique and highly valuable day.
You could come up with some very plausible excuses for not taking action.
But then you would have to settle for excuses when you could have had accomplishment and fulfillment.

You could avoid the possibility of disappointment and discomfort by hiding away from life.
But then you would miss out on all the beautiful, enriching possibilities as well.

Choose to accept and experience the ups and downs of life as each moment unfolds, instead.
Decide to give your very best to the opportunity that is this day.

The Plot Thickens....

So--

So....
I was thinkin'....

"Ohhhhh. Here it comes. Really, I'm surprised it's taken this long."

Oh, be still.
So......I was thinkin'....
I mean, really--I'll be headed that direction on Sunday to the meeting and to see the pigeons anyway......

"I knew it! Right--and you'll just take the bug to the meeting with you."

'Zactly!

"Really, I don't think taking the bug to the meeting is a good idea."

What, you have something against drunks?!
Okay, okay......maybe not.
She could be a bit distracting--and it's a closed meeting, so she really doesn't qualify to be there. BUT.
BUT!!!
I could go to the noon meeting and take the bug to the girl first thing in the morning!
OR--

"It's suppose to snow on Sunday."

Well, then...
Problem solved!
We'll just take her Thursday and plan to return her Sunday---and then get snowed in with her.

"Mel."

Brilliant!
OH....and add babyfood to the shopping list.

"Right. She likes bananas and peaches....."

And peas.
Don't forget peas!

Today's Reading

If all your goals were reached and even exceeded, what would get you going each morning?
If every problem in your life were solved, where would you direct your energy?

Certainly it is necessary to pay attention to all the outer concerns.
But if that's all you ever think about, you can become hopelessly frustrated and disillusioned.

Every now and then, dig deeper. Remind yourself why you desire what you desire.

Oh....how can ya resist that face.....

She's a happy bug.
Of course, she'da been just as happy eating the wrapping paper ('cept the mom wasn't really thrilled about that one....so it became quickly disallowed).

AND she's gonna come stay with Nana to ring in the New Year!

:-)

<-- quite happy about that one....

Things that make me happy....

....being right about the Weather Channel being wrong. HA!!

....pomegranates.

....filled stockings under the tree.

....sticking bows and ribbons on himself's head.

....being asked if I want the bug for an overnight. :-)

....secret messages written on frosty windows.

....shiny packages with pretty ribbons that catch the light from the tree.

....Santa!

Today's Fairy Reading

Those things you love and those things you can't stand both point to a powerful part of you.
They point to your passion.
Passion gives real power to whatever you do. Passion pushes you in a direction that holds meaning in your life.

When passion is driving your actions, you can work through any obstacle.

Your passion is nothing to be ashamed of.
It connects with the very core of the beautiful and unique person you are.

Note to the recipient:

I have sent you my better angel.

I have a 'next in line' who'll be stepping in on her behalf--and on mine.
I've been graced -- any way you look at it....

My better angel is now yours.

I do not want her back--she knows this.
We've had a long conversation, she and I.
She is not on loan.

She is gifted to you.

It's not that I don't want her in my life.....she's served me well and has protected and watched over me for some time.
Her job here is done.
She knows that.

I know that.


She's yours for the keeping--
Invited or not....
Like it or not.....she's yours.

She will not return here if you send her away.
She's another place to be, other doings to do.

There are times in your life when a better angel is required.

There are other times when you rest knowing that the next in line is 'enough'.
My next in line is enough.
My better angel--yours now--has made certain of that.


Love her well.
And let her love you......because she will--with or without your permission.

QOTW 12/28/09

Name your favorite gift received.

Well then, I think I'll name it George.

k...just kidding.....

Favorite gift.
Boy. I haffta choose?!



I think it's the framed photo of the bug in a 'Nana' photo frame. It's just too cute...made me all gooshy when I got it.....

Makes me gooshy just putting that here......sheeeeeshhhhh



Did I mention the girl finally got here?

:-)

k....maybe that was my favoritest gift....

Fairy Dust

I like a man with faults, especially when he knows it. To err is human - I'm uncomfortable around gods.
—Hugh Prather

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
- Herbert Spencer

Contempt prior to investigation.

Unfortunately I can site multiple examples of that this week.
I've been punchy and moody and sulky and intolerant and.....contemptuous, obviously.

And once again, I've been the source of my own difficulties this week.

I am the rat... that ate the cheese... that lives in the house that Mel built.
And if Mel woulda spent a little more time on the foundation to that house, things woulda looked different this week.

Instead--rats.


The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.

Oops......

*sigh*

Always considerate of others....
How many times have I had that one little line drilled into me.

Now there's a good reason NOT to do contempt prior to investigation.

And there's a reason I've heard myself mutter "DEAR G-d put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth!" more than once.
Contempt prior to investigation.
It woulda been a better plan to make a silent request--but nooooooooo...had to do it loud enough to get support so I could feel 'justified' in my self-righteous contempt prior to investigation!

RAT!!! Big furry RAT scurrying in and outta my house!!!!!
HELLLLLLOOOO!!!!
R A T!!!!


I'm just sure The Big Guy is up there shaking His head and rolling His eyes.
I know I am just putting this in black and white.

And I know that spending more time on that foundation coulda spared me multiple messes I had to invest time, energy and humility in.
I ain't that fond of humility in the first place.......



Right.
Foundation work on the house....


Yaknow--earlier this week himself asked me what my favorite seasonal song was.
I told him "I wanna hippopotamus for Christmas" and smirked....
Cuz while I enjoy the dickens outta that song (pun intended) and I have great fun bellowing it out as off key as I can possibly make it......the truth is my favorite is "Let There Be Peace On Earth".

I told him I didn't know why it was my favorite--that I just really, really liked it. It makes my heart full when I hear it.
There's some kind of connectedness to that song....
He seemed to think it was obvious so I asked him to make it obvious to poor little ol' contempt prior to investigation riddled Mel.

"Silly woman....it's the Let it begin with me."


Yeah.

Silly woman.

TFTD

Positive mental energy, positive thinking, does not mean we think unrealistically or revert to denial. If we don't like something, we respect our own opinion. If we spot a problem, we're honest about it. if something isn't working out, we accept reality. But we don't dwell on the negative parts of our experience.

Whatever we give energy to, we empower.

There is magic in empowering the good, because whatever we empower grows bigger. One way to empower the good is through affirmations: simple positive statements we make to ourselves: I love myself... I'm good enough... My life is good...I'm glad I'm alive today... What I want and need is coming to me... I can...

Our choice is not whether to use affirmations. We've been affirming thoughts and beliefs since we were old enough to speak. The choice is what we want to affirm.

Typo!! Misprint!!! Error Error!!!!!!

k......

It says 7 balloons.
I can find 6.
I've looked for 7 balloons.
I've found six.

It's a misprint....
A MISPRINT I tell ya!!!

k......

K!!

k.

But I'm tellin' ya.....there's only SIX BALLOONS.

S-I-X!!

Have Jeep--will travel!!

Not far, of course--kinda messy....

But I'm thinkin' eagles, park....quiet and freshly fallen snow!

And a few snowangels, of course!!!

(everyone else will be heading to the stores, dontchathink?)

YUP!! Park....

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
k.....maybe not....LOL

Dang snow seems to wanna be just enough to mess with my plans.....sheeeeeeshhhhh

Be nice be nice BE nice....

"...after 4 different guilt riddened conversations, we're on our way to his family's house--35mph.....the roads suck. I'm pissed and I don't care who knows it. Merry %&#!ing Christmas....."

OH boy was that an understatement.
That was at 5pm last night--in the midst of the snow swirling all over the place...
The two hour drive took them five hours.

I really did pause before I broke it to The Brit.
I had to get my own house in order. I had one of those "ACK!!" 'mom' moments.

I remember responding to guilt--I still can some moments, depending on how true the statement is.
I just wanted to avoid the 'kaboom' that was likely to take place.

I didn't get one.
Either that or it's still lurking.
I, of course, had my moment of "ACKKKK?!!!"

I did ask her to be nice....and reminded her that I loved her.
And I reminded her that the other other boy loves her and the bug and that he'd make sure they arrived safely.

And then I checked the road conditions.
'Difficult'. 'Difficult'. 'Travel not advised'.

I had this weeeeeee niggling thought about adding fuel to the fire of an already pissed off girl with a text that simply said:

"So.....you like them better than you like us?"

(didn't!) LOL
Figured the other other boy needed to be alive to drive........

(oh yes...I've decided what kind of 'impression' I wanna make......a very large one...on his backside....and one on hers for getting in the car...sheeeshhhh)

Fairy Reminder

Each day we begin anew, with a clear slate and fresh opportunities to spread good cheer, to treat others with love and respect, to face head-on and with full honesty all situations drawing our attention and participation.

As I look forward to the hours ahead, I will remember that I control my actions toward others and I will decided what kind of impression I want to make.

...a merry little Christmas now.

.....Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Let your heart be light
Next year all
our troubles will be out of sight

Have yourself a merry little Christmas,
Make the Yule-tide gay,
Next year all
our troubles will be miles away.

Once again as in olden days,
Happy golden days of yore.
Faithful friends who are dear to us
Will be near to us once more.

Someday soon
We all will be together,
If the Fates allow

Until then we'll have to

Muddle through somehow.

And have yourself

A merry little Christmas now.

Fairy Reading for the Day

You can think. You can make good decisions. You can make choices that are right for you.

Yes, we all make mistakes from time to time. But we are not mistakes.

We can make a new decision that takes new information into account.

We can change our mind from time to time. That's our right too.

We don't have to be intellectuals to make good choices.

Other people can think too. And that means we no longer have to feel responsible for other people's decisions.

That also means we are responsible for our choices.

We can reach out to others for feedback. We can ask for information. We can take opinions into account. But it is our task to make our own decisions. It is our pleasure and right to have our own opinions.

On this Holiday's Eve....

I hope for the all the magic and wonder of this Season to fill you with great Joy.

To all of you, from our hearts.....


Peace, Happiness....and much Love.

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Family all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step i take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
With peace eternally.
Let ther be peace on earth,
And let it begin with me.

Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.
Let there be peace on earth
The peace that was meant to be.
With God as our father
Family all are we.
Let me walk with my brother
In perfect harmony.

Let peace begin with me
Let this be the moment now.
With every step I take
Let this be my solemn vow.
To take each moment
And live each moment
In peace eternally.
Let there be peace on earth
And let it begin with me.

Things that make me happy

....turning the Weather Channel OFF.

....my ability to manipulate well.

....the 8' tree I smuggled into work. (OH dear...against fire code...darn)

....the surprise (gluten free!!) 'coffee cake' himself made for me.

....the cute snowman plate with goodies on it.

....FATFLAKES!! (yaknow, the really FAT snowflakes--might check with me to see how happy I am about those come Saturday....)

....the 'I Spy' game I bought for himself. (k.....I know he'll think it's for me but it's really for him--even though I know he'll let me play with it..even if I haffta steal it...)

....the resurrected 8' inflatable snowman.

Sheeeeeeeshhhhh

Wednesday's are insane on GOOD days--but we're talking the eve before the Eve.....and we're talking team meetings on top of kiddos trying to get on the roads to spend the holidays with their families....on top of wonderful weather (k.....that's sarcasm if ever there was sarcasm....).

I N S A N E ! ! ! !

I can't count the phonecalls....people panicking (gee, thanks LOTS Weather Channel...) and just general mayhem with kiddos overreacting and anxious, afraid they weren't going to get to be with their families. Parents, grandparents, siblings, social workers--oy....did I mention it was insane?

Did I mention the staff member who let me know she was now getting treated for staph infection?
Nothing big about that in her eyes--
But I can't be around staph or strep. It's 'disallowed'.
And guess what.......I was around it before it was treated for the required 24 hours.

Toss in the calls to the doc who wanted me to drive 35 minutes to get the bloodwork done..and the calls back requesting a plan B cuz NO WAY I was taking off in the insanities OR in the freezing rain to drive 35 minutes.

Unit phone's going off the hook, agency cellphone's vibrating (yeah yeah yeah..of course I'm oncall during all this...), personal cellphone is now beeping as the physician's nurse keeps ringing back with options I'm disagreeing with. LOL

I N S A N E ! ! !

The kiddos all got gone. How they'll get back...dunno.... The lovely folks on the Weather Channel (which the staff had on ALL DAY LONG, which added to the anxiety and mayhem....silly people....) are saying freezing rain today, 1-3" of snow tomorrow.......with a potential of 1-2 FEET of snow on Friday.

BUT!!!
I talked the doc into oral antibiotics which he rang into the pharmacy.

AND!!!

AND!!!!!!!!!!!

During the mayhem himself sent me a photo to the cellphone....



He LIVES!!

He LIVES!!!!

Yup. Himself resurrected Mr. Snowman.
Bless his little pea-pickin' heart.

:-)

Today's Reading

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us. We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.

We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about it.

Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people. We can lessen our pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.

We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set. Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we've set a boundary. We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people. We can establish our rights to have these limits. We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.

Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

God, help me begin striving for healthy boundaries and healthy tolerance for others and myself.

Well, I got that one right.....

Libra: Your role today is to support your closest friends, family and colleagues as they try to make their lives easier to handle.
That's one of your specialties, so show them how it's done with style!


It's always good for me to read the horror-scope at the END of the day so I can justify my earlier decision making.

:-/

Practice makes perfect.

I'm lamenting.

I'm practicing 'self-pity'.

*nodding*

Sounds about right.
And I'm gonna practice until I get it down pat.

It's snow, Nana.....

Today's Fairy Thought

Our attitude toward our needs is important.
We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously.

When we begin to place value and importance on our needs we'll see a remarkable change in how others hear us.

Frosty's 'just resting' sorta......maybe......

So--a call came from a gal down the street who was lamenting to The Brit about her half lit reindeer ( LOL I don't mean 'half lit' in THAT sense...so pffffftttttt!!! I mean half the strand of lights on the ornament gave up and quit working.).

Needless to say--himself was less than empathetic.

"You can turn George (yes she named her holiday lawn ornament) so his lit side shows.....I, on the other hand, have a dead snowman. And I believe my darling SWMBO is a prime suspect at this point. She claims she went to clear off the snow and that she found him 'just resting'....."

Well......he coulda been just resting....... It wasn't like I was gonna take his pulse or anything....

Would himself let it go? Nope. All.... night.... long.

"You don't by chance know what happened to our snowman do you?"
"Anything you'd care to confess?"
.........Whistlin' 'Frosty the Snowman' hoping to pressure me into giving him some sorta convoluted truth about motives to kill an 8' inflated snowman...... HA!

And then came the hubbub of today.
It was nutzo yesterday--it was even gonna be nuttier today and I knew it.


It took me a while--but I finally looked up, inbetween the bazillion phone calls and emails and 'stuff' that was nipping at my rearend to be taken care of YESTERDAY...and there it was...

A 'Wanted' poster hanging on the wall--for information regarding the death of Frosty.
There was even a really bad likeness of Frosty on the poster--made of cottonballs.

$1,000 is involved, apparently.

And the tune my staff were whistling and humming and singing today?

Yup.......
You got it.





:-/

He coulda been 'just resting'......

Yup. Snowed.

Pin for the day

No explanation required..... *laughing*

'Cuse me....

<-- this......has messed with MY plans.

Please see to it that it ceases and desists, immediately.

Thank you.

Amen.

TFTD

Forgiveness should be an ongoing process.

Attention to it daily will ease our relationships with others and encourage greater self-love. First on our list for forgiveness should be ourselves.

Daily, we heap recriminations upon ourselves.

And our lack of self-love hinders our ability to love others, which in turn affects our treatment of them.

We've come full circle - and forgiveness is in order.

It can free us.

It will change our perceptions of life's events, and it promises greater happiness.

Sleeping With Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

It's the long hours, the unceasing work, the realities of the economy and financial hardships, the neverending pile of 'stuff' that seems to find my plate--

There's no end.

I'd suppose, when I said that to WPIML, that he knew well the state of affairs.
It's not a well kept secret -- leastwise between him and I it's not.

"Mel--it's okay to just rest."

Well there's a novel idea. However, work still needs attended to....things still need to be taken care of. People still have needs....I still have a responsibility.

"Mel--it's okay to just rest."

Easily said--and in my case, easily scripted. How many times have I said to people "It's okay to rest."

I know the concept.
If I don't take care of something there's that hope that someone else will pick up on the responsibility and give me the break. It's a great concept. Here enters the 'troubles of my own making'......there are some things people simply cannot do.

"You've trained them well."

Now, how true is that.
I've always struggled with letting people do what I'm capable of doing.
Self sufficient, self reliant, self confident, self assured......self self self self self SELF.

I know there's no shame in letting others do for you.
Leastwise I know that in my head.
But he's right. I've trained them to do what I want them to do. Leave me alone to do it all, tyvm. Cuz....."if you want anything done right--do it yourself".
I have people around me who don't bother to ask--that's how well I've trained them.
Yup--troubles of my own making.

On the other hand--my G-d made me a very capable person.
A talented, intelligent, capable person.
I've been able to take the experiences in my life and put them to good use.
Sometimes people crumble under their experiences......and sometimes they remain crumbled.

I threatened to--but didn't. I've teetered on the edge of wanting to....but didn't. I've gone over that edge and played in the muck and mire and resigned from responsible living and coulda stayed there....but didn't.
And I've been able to take those experiences, all the experiences--and shine.
I know how that happened, I even believe I know a bit of why that happened.
My G-d'll make good use of just about anything.

And I know that finding myself here (again) is a good indicator of 'lesson unlearned'.

I'd chalk it up to 'the season' if I didn't know better.
I might chalk it up to 'the season' just to get out of the responsibility of taking a look at my pattern of selfselfselfSELF. (even I know that's a self solving problem--no pun intended)

But I will find a bit of consolation in knowing it'll be another of the vast array of experiences that will be put to good use at some point in time.

And I'll keep on shinin'.....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

TFTD

There are so many occasions when we would like to blame somebody - wife, child, parent, or "the management," for our feelings. When we get frustrated, overworked, or angry, we want somebody else to take responsibility. In truth, each of us has his own path and is responsible for his feelings. One man said that living alone made it clear to him that his wife wasn't creating his feelings. Until then he thought she was responsible.

This blaming and not taking responsibility keep us in the role of victim. When we accept the difficult message that our feelings are ours to deal with and no one else's, self-improvement begins. We begin to walk the difficult but self respecting path of spiritual awakening. We can do something about whatever hurts. Even in that awakening there are no guarantees that who we are will be totally what we want to find. Our only guarantee is that our Higher Power is with us to deal with the realities of our lives.

Today, help me be responsible for what I feel and do.

Bitty Thought

When one is a stranger to oneself, then one is estranged from others, too.
—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Oh, I KNOW how he feels....

Reminder to self:

LOOK UP when carrying a stack of prezzies from the bedroom to the livingroom.

Cuz......
You closed the door for a reason.....

Opening for a reason (such as passage to the other room without bodily harm--) would be a good plan as well.

*laughing*

The Dime

There's this 'thing' that happens to me this time of year.

I know part of it is the anniversary deal. I always get squirrely when it comes--memories flood in and I have to decide what I'm going to do with them.
Sometimes that's a process.
Sometimes it's a semi-painless one. Other times.......notsomuch....
Not all the memories I possess are good memories.......obviously. You don't find yourself on the other side of an addiction or two because life has been 'pretty' and 'wonderful'.


And then there's 'family' jazz.

People have families.
Aunts, uncles, cousin, grandparents.....parents.....
Moms.

Oh g'head Mel.....feel the pity....
You've always had this deal about moms.
Sometimes it works for ya.....sometimes it works against ya...

Just is what it is, yaknow.
You're lucky to have what you do have today.
VERY lucky. Even if it doesn't always feel like you're lucky--you are.
We all know that feelings aren't fact.
They're just feelings.

So.
I'll consider them 'felt' and move into the day......grateful.
There's too much to 'do' to stay stuck in how it all 'feels' at this given moment in time.
And this moment will pass--JUST as soon as I get off my duff and get going on that 'stuff' that's spread out ALL through the house waiting on my energy to put it all together so it can BE what it's suppose to be.

*whew*

Now, how true is THAT?!



<-- moving off the dime and outta the desert.

Fairy Reminder

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.

If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.

That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the old beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....

That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.

We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.

We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.

What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?

How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?

What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?

Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.

Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.

NO pressure.....

Right.

There's packages to mail.
Prezzies to wrap.
Things for the holiday to figure out--I have NO clue what the two of us will be doing for the holiday...not that it's mine alone to figure out....
Arrangements with the girl to make.
Dinner stuff to purchase.
Gifts to purchase STILL.
Cards to fill out.
Tins to fill.
House to pick up and organize again.
Table to find--it's under all that 'stuff'...I know it is....

STUFF.....lots of stuff.....

Now--there's a reason that I just cannot get it together this year.
What that is, dunno.... avoidance on my part?
Like if I don't do it, it won't happen?

Yeah right.


My brain really is a dangerous neighborhood for me to wander around in alone.

The Placesetting

Fairy Dust

Instead of chasing pleasure, allow joy.

While pleasures are specific and occur only when conditions are right, joy is unconditional and available at any time, in any place.

UH oh....

LIBRA: You need to deal with your authority issues today -- even if you don't think you've got any! Maybe your boss (or, worse, a traffic cop) pushes the wrong button and you've got to play nice anyway.

Dang......and I have a meeting with the boss today.

I better take duct tape.

Not for me, mind you..... LOLOL

<-- happy penguin

The Healing Chair

Yesterday we had the party for the staff.

There was a crowd of people in that dining room. Seemed to me there were more people than usual. I know they were all mine, but gosh.....there were a lot of people.

Of course I got there late. The last one to arrive.

It wasn't me being irresponsible--I had to finish up a barrage of calls that arrived at the wrong time.
But--I was the last to arrive and predictably as a person of timeliness, got some joyous grief.
They added a table for me and kept up their chattering and laughing and eating.

I don't know at what point I pulled the chair that was behind me, to sit empty next to me.
I do know I musta got some far off look--my next in line somehow got my attention and asked if I was reminiscing. Yup--caught me....didn't even mean to be doing it....I just found myself 'there'.

I got choked up talking to them.
Now--that's generally not the case for me. I do a lot of talking with people about their own 'stuff', about hard stuff--emotional, gut wrenching stuff. The kiddos, the parents, the staff, the pigeons, family, friends...complete strangers sometimes..... Maybe it's a 'hazard of the job'--or a benefit, depending on how you look at it. But really....I don't go there often, to that place where everything is right there..... on my heart sleeve.


It was the empty chair.

We've had a lot of losses in this past year.

And I say 'we' because I'm privileged to work with a group of people who are so good at communicating with each other that they're 'tight'. Even with the new hires this year (a process that was longer than the admininstration felt 'comfortable with' because of the hunt for mission-based people and not just some degree looking to climb some ladder) they're a 'tight' crew of folks.
We get 'tight', we share well....We have to be constantly growing and stretching and keeping our own stuff in order.
It's required--we can't help someone get to a spot where we personally haven't arrived ourselves.
We don't expect one thing for ourselves and another for the kiddos and families we work with.
It just doesn't work that way.....
So we get 'tight', we get involved with each other on a level that most folks never come to know their work partners.

Their celebration is my celebration.
Their loss is my loss.

And there's been a lot of losses this year.
Fathers, sisters, mothers, grandmothers, grandfathers, daughters, sons, friends--work partners.

I sat next to that empty chair.
To honour that part of us that really -- is still healing from that.

No one took that seat.
I can't give a number to the times someone came to talk to me.....and put their hand on the chairs back and lightly touched it.....or rubbed it.....or patted it....

We are healing.


It's a slow heal....but we are healing.

Fairy Reminder

We are not powerless over our own attitudes, our own behavior, our own self-image, our own determination, our own commitment to life.

Power aplenty we have, but we must exercise it in order to understand its breadth. We'll find all the day's activities, interactions, and plans decidedly more exciting when we exercise control over our responses.
We don't have to feel or respond except in the way that pleases us.
We have total control and we'll find this realization exhilarating.

Each time we determine the proper behavior, choose an action that feels right, and take responsibility where it is clearly ours to take the benefits will startle us and bring us joy.

I will take charge of my life today.

QOTW 12/16/09

Look to the left--what do you see?


The end table to the small couch.

I'm on the laptop in the livingroom at this moment. And beyond the end table is the very tall Hanukkah bush otherwise known as the Christmas tree. I definitely need to clear off the end table... The lamp will, obviously, need to stay. And the lighthouse (I like certain lighthouses, btw...). And the candle in the Santa bowl. But the rest--needs to be put away.
I'm a messy Marvin. LOL
There's a collection of gel pens, writing paper, an address book, some stickery thingies, a little writing table, envelopes and (you guessed it!) holiday cards sitting there.....and they've been sitting there since Sunday.
And yesterday I was grumbling about not knowing where the postage stamps were hiding.

Yup.

To the left of me....

TFTD

So often we are afraid to take even a small new step, afraid of change. We feel so alone in our uncertainty. From our point of view, if often looks as though everybody's ready except us.

Perhaps another way to look at it is that, for most of our lives, readiness really isn't much of an issue. Were we ready to be born? Were we ready to walk, to read, to sing? Maybe we were; maybe not. What's important is what we did, not what we were ready to do. For life is mostly a matter of jumping in feet first shouting, "Here I come, ready or not!"

What am I going to do today, ready or not?

One more time.....

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

:-/

Things that make me happy

....the row of lit up houses on this block--all twinkley and pretty! :-)

....the sound of snow fall in the nothingness of 1a.m.

....a recipe that comes out like the picture.

....somebody elses snowangel!

....hitting the 'I wanna hippopotamus' singing button and singin' along.

....OH OH OH!! ....the handy dandy tape dispensery thingy that goes on my hand and gives me precut pieces of tape JUST the right size!

....watching himself stick out his tongue when he uses scissors. LOL

Fairy Reading for Today

As with expeditions into the wilds when we have endured storms and rapids, cold and sleet, and sometimes lack of food, it is ultimately the good things we remember, not the bad.
—Sigurd F. Olson

In our daily lives we often take a very short perspective. We see what is worrisome today, what is pressing hardest, or what is most frightening or confusing. Eventually, we may look back and have a totally different idea about what was truly important on this day.

Let us take a moment now to remember what does endure, what we value most, what counts in the long run. For a brief quiet time we can let go of all the anxieties of this moment. During these few quiet moments, we will identify our tensions and then place them totally into the hands of our Higher Power. This is our time to let go of our worries and be refreshed. It will provide a background of serenity for our day.

Today, help me remember this corner of serenity as I meet the tasks and activities on my path.

Angelwings and English Toffee..

<-- angelwings
k..... Angelwings left by a michievous neighborlady who figured it was a good plan to gift an absent neighbor with a snow prezzie.

<-- English Toffee.

Now, himself assures me that it ain't a big deal that the coconut drops didn't turn out 'gift giving worthy'. It appears that's true--the messy evidence that was suppose to be coconut drops is quickly disappearing. This is a good thing. And true to my nature--since I'm a 'from scratch baker' and the recipe I have for fudge belongs in a book that's copyrighted in 1952, I have what the girl lovingly refers to as 'chisel fudge'. Yeah, yeah.....there's two batches of perfectly wonderful fudge....but it's the 'my mom always messes up the first batch of fudge and keeps it JUST for me' batch that she's thrilled to hear awaits her in her own private tin. (Seriously--it would take a chisel to get it outta the pan if I hadn't already removed it while warm. LOL)

But--it's the English Toffee that's now being covetted and drooled over.
The ONE recipe that I guaranteed would turn out wrong.....turned out right. And I mean 'pretty as the picture' right.

No foolin'.....I almost hate to put it out to be ate. LOL
But....out it'll go.

Not today, of course.
I have more tormenting to do. LOLOL