The Pass

Reading for the Day

Nobody likes being rejected, but rejection does not mean there is something wrong with you. An early rejection can save you a great deal of grief later on.

Then there are those times when what you have is not really what you want, but you convince yourself to settle for it anyway.

Well, if the other person rejects you, you are saved from having to run away.

Rejection is only damaging when you start out believing you are not complete.

When you enter a relationship needy and unfulfilled, rejection can be a damaging blow.

In those situations you must not shrink away feeling defeated and afraid; you must ask what is it that this person has, and why you don't think you can get it anywhere else.

If you understand that you can only draw to yourself what you already are, you can see rejection in another light.

When you enter any relationship, you want to be and feel the best you can.

If you get rejected, it might simply mean you have a little more work to do.

When I accept me no one can reject me.

Pretties

Today's Reminder from the Reading Fairy

Life's trials are progressive in nature.

They get bigger to make us better.

Just when you think you've got it all together, things you have never seen or heard of will present themselves in your life.

They will push you, test you and challenge you to do more growing, more learning, more of what you have already done.

Very often, when this happens, we are tempted to believe that we have done something wrong or that we missed something.

Rarely do we understand that you cannot get too much of a good thing -- growing, learning, living are good things!

They are good, even when we are forced to retest our skills and abilities over and over again.

Endurance reveals and strengthens character. It also builds faith.

As your faith grows, it takes more than it used to to shake you up. It takes more than it did before to make you doubt yourself.

It takes more pressure this time than it did last time or the time before that to make you consider giving up.

Life always wants to be sure that you are sure! What about you?

Don't you want to be sure that you can take it? Make it?

Work it through until you can work it out? Of course you do!

You want to know that you can depend on you when you need you.

You want to know that you have the requisite amount of faith required to sustain you at all times, at any time.

For this reason, it may seem that as you get better, the trials become greater.

The truth is, the best students always get the hardest tests because they can handle them!

Life goes on

I hate whining.

Hold on--no I don't! I adore whining about the stupid stuff in life.

I hate whining about something that makes me look pathetic. LOL Yup, it's STILL about how it looks to the world around me.

I'm done whining about the stupid shingle stuff.

And the stupid 'stupid pill'.

And the impositions and crap that happen as a result of all of that.

I look pathetic and I'm not into looking pathetic today, tyvm.

Maybe next week if things go upsidedown and I discover it's longer than a three week inconvenience. THEN I'll whine and carry on again.

Maybe.

Maybe I won't say jack anywhere.

Sometimes I don't say sick'em about what's going on. Ain't like anyone gets to change it--and I'm not sure there's value in sharing that piece. But.......I didn't think there was value in sharing the health piece before and I got slapped with the truth on THAT deal.

So......who knows.

I do know I'm tired of feeling tired and looking pathetic. So enough of that jazz. Just is what it is, I'll deal.

Meanwhile on the work front--work's just awesome! (k......there's sarcasm at it's best)

And homelife is right up there with it.

I think it's probably more about me and my attitude than it is about the circumstances.

(ya THINK, Mel?!)

*sigh*

While the stupid physicians can tell me that this health stuff is not stress related, I can't point to my home life and my work life and say -- yup.....it's not cuz the two biggest time consumers in my life are sunshine and light! *sigh*

k......I can lie about that too--do absence of the truth and just deal.

Whaddaya MEAN 'can' lie about it through absence of the truth......you're DOING it already.

(ya THINK, Mel?!)

k.....

Done whinin' about the health stuff--back to whining about life and the putrid 'stuff' that's NOT WORKING OUT HOW I WANTED IT TO.

I'da probably preferred to whine about the health stuff than to put it in black and white like that.
Perhaps life isn't shaping up as I WANT it to is because I'm battling with wanting things MY WAY.

And 'zackly what IS 'my way'?

The direct polar opposite of how things ARE at this moment.

*sigh*

Ya suppose they're that way for a reason?

(ya THINK, Mel?!!?!?!)

Yeah......that's the problem.

I

T H I N K.

There's a cure for that!

Right?..........

The Escape Artist

Dull Rawrrr

Adventures are good.

Shingles are bad.

I had several moments yesterday.

None of 'em were fun.
The last wasn't so good..,

It wasn't the sensation of pain, which by the way I'll liken to having molten iron poured on a piece your body. (k.....mighta been a piece of that.....)

It was that 'anything touching me is a BAD plan' and realizing my pacing, self talk (out loud, mind you--I'm certain the neighbors have more fuel for my commitment hearing given I was out on the patio pacing in circles, talking to myself at 10pm.......IN my jammies......*sigh*), wait it out cuz it'll get better--ain't anything like chemo when you were putting your head into the wall to centralize the pain......Hold on......is sorta like chemotherapy' revelation.

This was when I freaked out--quietly so as not to disturb himself cuz he freaks out if I freak out.

IS like chemo therapy. Anything that touched my body created pain then--and now....

And then my brain went into that insane, warp speed 'ohmygawdIcan'tdoTHISwithsomeonewatching--howcanIdoTHAT.......' thinking.

I was smart enough to put on the birdie/windchimes/ocean CD the bug listens to at nite-nite time. And I tried to empty my brain cuz supposedly stress makes this junk worse. And himself (who had to do SOMEthing) brought me apples and dippy stuff. Ten minutes later--down to a bad sunburn sensation and it was do-able.

I'm pretty sure we need more apples and dippy stuff.

Yeahyeah......coulda been the pain meds kicking in.

I'm still thinking we need more apples and dippy stuff--just in case.

Fairy Reading for Today

We have an unlimited capacity to love.

Actually, loving is not something we do to or for other people.

It is a blessing, a gift we give to ourselves.

Love opens us to endless possibilities.

It increases our resources and our capacity to give.

Love fine-tunes our vibrational frequency, which enables us to create.

Love keeps us alive long after we have departed and gives meaning to who we are, what we do and how we do it.

The only thing that limits our capacity to love are the conditions we place on loving.

When love is based on what we get or how we get it, our love ability is stunted.

When we love under circumstances rather than in spite of them, our love is limited.

When we love what was rather than what is, we have no real idea what love is about.

When we love just for the sake of it, giving who we are without excuses or apologies, taking what comes and making the best of it, we open our souls to the abundant blessings of the strongest forces of life.

Ta Da!! :-)

Plans for this morning.....

I think I need himself to take me on an adventure.

Yup.

Now, how I convince him of that--could be interesting.

Begging and pleading?

Nah.

I'll help him think it was his idea!

That always works!

I can stay in the shade.

Shade is good.

k......I love the sun.

However--it isn't lovin' me at the moment, so shade it is.

Adventure!

We can do this!!

Another visitor

Fairy Dust

We don't control which loved ones come into our lives and which ones go or whether we become ill or stay healthy. We don't control life's opportunities. We can control how we choose to respond to these transitions. Whatever happens can be used for growth and we can commit ourselves to use all experiences that way.

Today's Fairy Thought

Think healing thoughts.

When you feel anger or resentment, ask God to help you feel it, learn from it, and then release it. Ask Him to bless those who you feel anger toward. Ask Him to bless you too.

When you feel fear, ask Him to take it from you. When you feel misery, force gratitude. When you feel deprived, know that there is enough.

When you feel ashamed, reassure yourself that who you are is okay. You are good enough.

When you doubt your timing or your present position in life, assure yourself that all is well; you are right where you're meant to be. Reassure yourself that others are too.

When you ponder the future, tell yourself that it will be good. When you look back at the past, relinquish regrets.

When you notice problems, affirm there will be a timely solution and a gift from the problem.

When you resist feelings or thoughts, practice acceptance. When you feel discomfort, know it will pass. When you identify a want or a need, tell yourself it will be met.

When you worry about those you love, ask God to protect and care for them. When you worry about yourself, ask Him to do the same.

When you think about others, think love. When you think about yourself, think love.

Then watch your thoughts transform reality.

Dining

Fairy Reminder

We are generally so certain that we know what's best for ourselves. And we are just as often certain that what we think is best will guarantee happiness. Perhaps we should reflect on all the times in the past when our wishes didn't come true - fortunately.

Did any one of us expect to be doing today, what we each are doing? We may have expected children, a particular kind of home, a certain career, but did we really anticipate all that life has wrought? The difficulties we encountered were probably not in our pictures. But it does fit into the big picture. The happiness we experience today probably doesn't visit us in the way we anticipated a few years back. But it is measured out according to our needs. The choice to be happy with what is, is ours to make, every moment.

:-(

Did I mention they butchered our tree along the side of the house?

THEY BUTCHERED OUR TREE ALONG THE SIDE OF THE HOUSE!!!!

O M G

Yeah, well, at least they left bits of the tree.

They cut all the branches from the neighbors....and left a very tall stump.

THEY DIDN'T HAVE PERMISSION.

Well, not mine anyway.

So.....out with my pencil and paper, taking the name of the business off the truck AND the plate numbers.

UH huh.....out came the driver asking if there was a problem.

YA THINK?!

*sigh*

k......so they're hired by the power company and the city. And the trees were sparking the powerlines. (yup..there's black marks ON the wires--I looked up.....)
And yup, the trees are on the 'parking', which is the city's to maintain. Yeah, well.......'cept for the mowing the parking bit which is ours.

THEY BUTCHERED OUR TREE!!!!

k.....the KILLED the neighbors.

Ya go to work and come home and *poof*....that tree you've been lookin' at for 20 years......gone.

OMG

I have names. I have numbers. I accepted the fella's apology and did tell him it didn't appear to be his problem. He's just doing the job they told him to do.
I have a call to make to the city tomorrow AND the power company--bit miffed I am.

Couldn't they at least have the courtesy to let you know they're sending someone to butcher your tree?

Sheeeeeeshhhhhh.

I'da helped 'em notify folks if that was the issue.

We're a whopping 1113 people (including cows, pigs, chickens AND tractors, of course......)

*sigh*

They butchered our tree........

Passin' through.....

I'm stupid

I don't mean dumb 'stupid', I mean stupid stupid. I cannot maintain a thought for very long. This is not working for me even if they say it is. I cannot operate this way.

I can deal with pain......sheesh.....in comparison to other pain I've had to deal with in my lifetime--6, maybe a 7. I've had 15's--put my head to a wall pain so it would at least have a place to BE.

But stupid?

I need to not go to work.

And I need to get less stupid on the meds, or they need to take me off of 'em.

Yeah, 'hit me with your best shot'....but don't make me stupid.

*sigh*

I despise being stupid.

Fine.

I'll deal, but I'm gonna be pissy about it.......

Fairy Reading

Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other.

—Rainer Maria Rilke

For a relationship to be healthy and fulfilling, each of us must respect the other. "Two solitudes" is exactly what we are, and we will never be one, no matter how close we become. It may feel like that at times, but we always remain separate persons with our own thoughts, feelings, dreams, and interests.

When we love one another, we allow each other to be who we are, to have our own lives, for it is out of those separate lives that we bring strength and energy and life into our relationships.

We are meant to honor the differences between us. Often these differences lead to squabbles, but when we recognize that each of us is necessary to the union we have created, we create a better one, far superior to the sum of its parts.

Visiting Teenager

Befuddled

Okay.....I'm irritated.

k......not really. I'm too....something or other to be irritated.

Seriously--it took me an hour and the help of one person to get done what normally takes me ten minutes.

I'm a bit..........confused.

There's a good word.

Confused.

I cannot retain information worth a darn, which means it's darn near impossible to do simple things like track what's been done and what's still needing to be done.
This is not good.....
I have a job to do and it's sorta difficult when you're confused a great deal of the time.

I know it's the medication--and I know when I rang to ask about something different the answer was 'no'.

They hit me with their best shot cuz I'm a bit low on the immune stuff. They don't seem to care that I get confused.

Himself has had to pick me up from work three times now.

Ummmm.....that's every day since I started the stupid medications.

That's probably an indication of needing to NOT be at the workplace.

*sigh*

PROBABLY?!

Yep. I'd say I'm confused and with impaired judgement.

And I'm suppose to wait until Friday and THEN call the physician back if it's not improved?!

k....

What day is it?

*laughing*

O
M
G

Toby Toad's Hideaway

Fairy Reminder

A teacher, a true teacher is not one who gives you anything.

A true teacher is one who makes you aware of what you already have and encourages you to use it.

A teacher is not one who tells you anything.

A true teacher listens to you, learns from you and uses what you have to inspire other students.

A true teacher recognizes your brilliance and supports you in learning how to nurture it.

Seeing your dilemmas, a true teacher walks through them with you.

A true teacher will look you dead in the eye, call you out of hiding and celebrate with you in the joy of standing in your truth.

A true teacher will not do it for you.

Instead, they will sit with you as you figure out how to do it for yourself.

A true teacher will not keep score for you.

They will support you in moving beyond the need to know the score.

If you are really lucky, you will happen upon the greatest teacher of all: the student who brings you to the realization that you are your own greatest teacher.

Up the river vs. down the creek

.....not so bad.....

Working from home is an interesting thing.

I tried work.

And I told the freaking truth.....

Pretty much got what I feared--gooshy people wanting to know how to make it better cuz obviously, I'm stressed.

Thank you.....that's very kindly.

I didn't wanna eat anybody up or spit 'em out until one of 'em suggested that perhaps it was wiser to work from my home.

I think I'da been okay if I hadn't had coffee.

Okay--THAT'S an insane comment.....me......no coffee?!

What is really true is, I was okay until it was time to use the restroom.

Oh.....where are those blistered sores that have no become quarter sized and a virtual pain in the rearend?! Oh yes.......my rearend......

Most folks apparently get 'em on their back or tummy.

Oooohhhhh no.

*sigh*

k......true--it's probably disturbing to witness me coming from the bathroom and re-entering with chlorox wipes.

YES it looks disturbing.

NO--probably not what needs to happen so, yesthankyou, I'd love to go home.

And does himself have boxer shorts that I could possibly don until those quarter sized blisters go away? Ummmmm....if he did they'd fall off me.

*laughing*

TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!!!!

Yup.....working from home AND a trip to WalMart!

Oh!!! And a drop-in to the toy department while we're there.....grabbing boxer shorts....or something of that nature....

oy.......
:-/

TFTD

For many of us, the most difficult word to say is one of the shortest and easiest in the vocabulary: No. Go ahead, say it aloud: No.

No - simple to pronounce, hard to say. We're afraid people won't like us, or we feel guilty. We may believe that a "good" employee, child, parent, spouse, or Christian never says no.

The problem is, if we don't learn to say no, we stop liking ourselves and the people we always try to please. We may even punish others out of resentment.

When do we say no? When no is what we really mean.

When we learn to say no, we stop lying. People can trust us, and we can trust ourselves. All sorts of good things happen when we start saying what we mean.

If we're scared to say no, we can buy some time. We can take a break, rehearse the word, and go back and say no. We don't have to offer long explanations for our decisions.

When we can say no, we can say yes to the good. Our no's and our yes's begin to be taken seriously. We gain control of ourselves. And we learn a secret: "No" isn't really that hard to say.

OMfreakingG!!

Right.

Shingles.

SHINGLES.

Me.

SHINGLES.

k.....that's what my sister got at a young right before she had to move out of the house--too much pressure from life with the active alcoholic father they said...it was sad..seriously sad....

This is not something *I* get. Sensitive people get shingles.

I'da rather had, what I assumed, was a bad bug bite. It FELT like a bug bite when it happened....

Nope. Shingles.

Now--supposedly it's the chicken pox virus, mutated and laying dormant on bits of nerve. And supposedly it happens to folks who are immunodeficient....do people understand that?!

No.

Much like me, they equate it to stress and an overly sensitive person.....

ME?!

No.

Seriously......shingles.

And medications up the whazoo--seems it's affecting the cells around the outbreak area.

Yes, thank you. I'd LOVE to take more medications.....but can I lie and tell folks it's a bug bite?

Did they HAVE to be concerned and suggest the physician when I'd already rang for an appointment?!

I'm lyin'.

I mean it!

I am NOT confessing that I have shingles......unless they'll buy that it's simply a case of being immunodeficient.

Yeah--they won't..... It'll be all about 'stress' and needing to do something with that--and then they'll get all gooshy and tell me how much stress I'm under and tell me they care about me and offer to be a part of that solution ......and get all weirded out on me.

O M freaking G!!!!

K....that's it.

I'm lying.

LYING!!

I mean it.
I'm soooooooooooo going to lie........

You are looking at the problem.....

Today's a day I wish weren't happening.

It's not the day--it's the stuff in it that I know will be coming in my direction.

At best, I have some not good feelings about today.

At worst, I'm borrowing troubles....

Not a good call on my part.

I let it disrupt my sleep.

I let it disrupt my weekend.

I'm not real certain what I'm going to do with it.

It's just 'stuff'.

Apparently 'stuff' I'm attaching too much importance to.....or not enough--which results in the disruption and trouble borrowing?

Hell, I don't know.

I know I need more coffee and less stress.

And I'm believer in 'stress' not being a living, breathing thing unless I breathe life into things I simply cannot control.

Must be the case......elsewise I wouldn't be letting stuff disrupt other stuff which just creates more 'stuff'.

Sooooooooo......guessing it'd be a good thing to LET GO and keep doing whatever's placed in front of me with great love.

Yeah....it's that 'with great love' stuff that's tripping me up.

I seem to be squirmy about that 'with great love' stuff right now.

But I do have 'with great, seething hostility' down!!

That MIGHT be the problem!!!

Actually-- If I went to the mirror and gave a good look--THAT would be the problem!

:-/

<-- will now avoid any and all mirrors in the house!!

RAWR

Bakin' with Bug

The pancakes were awesome!
She was doing great with her stirring and mixing and adding and stirring some more.

And then she had a Oh, LOOK....Mr. Jingle Penguin (!!) moment. LOL

Yup......it's genetic. ;-)

Mr. Hoppy

Reading for the Day

We're not sure, on occasion, just what we have to offer our friends, families, co-workers. Why we are in certain circumstances may have us baffled, but it's quite probable that the people we associate with regularly need something we can give them; the reverse is just as likely. So we can begin with close attention to people in our path. It takes careful listening and close observation to sense the message another soul may be sending to our own.

Next Year's

Brilliant Fairy Thought for the Day

We become very offended if someone says we don't measure up or if they criticize our actions.

We think they are picking on us because of our race, gender or because "they" have a problem.

We must consider what they are actually saying before we dismiss what could be valuable criticism.

Consider the things we think about ourselves.

"I'm not smart enough,"

"I didn't do it right,"

"So and so did it better than me,"

"I hope I don't mess up, like I did before,"

"If I do it like this, they will like me,"

"I don't know what I'm doing,"

"I'm not good at this,"

"I can do better than this."

Life is an accurate reflection of our consciousness.

People will usually say to us the very things we think to ourselves.

If we want others to speak well of us, we must first think well of ourselves.

The next time someone criticizes you, think, "Where have I heard that before?"

#6777

UCKY!!!!

I don't get how food excites people.

Seriously......I don't get it.

I've never had a love affair with food, even when I was donning a size 18 food was a function.
I was just doing a lot of functions with food. I don't remember really enjoying it.

Himself, however, has a love affair with food.
I mean a serious love affair with food.

I've tried chalkin' it up to being 'here' and 'all things English and familiar' being 'there'.
But.....c'mon......

He-who-watches-the-Food-Channel has a serious, SERIOUS thing for food.

'Lovely'.

'Gorgeous.'

k.....aren't those terms you use with a loved one?!

Nope. Food. LOL

I had some of that 'scrummy' stuff yesterday.

Yeah, well......it was an impulsive moment. I didn't think before I acted.

He-who-watches-the-Food-Channel had stumbled across some papadums at an Indian Restaurant...way in the back, in a package--for sale even. Bottles and jars and bags of FOOD for sale. He was in salivating mode. LOL And he brought some papadums home.

k.......when I got home and saw these plastic tortilla lookin' thingies, seriously.....I thought they were sheets for plastic model making.

'Papadums! They're gorgeous. Remember having them at the flat in England?'

Ummmmm......notsomuch.... And they're not 'gorgeous'--they're flat plastic lookin' round thingies...

Now, one would think they'd go in the fridge or cupboard.....or basement drawer (wherever one keeps plastic model making tortillas....) until one prepared a meal (or plastic model!!) that the little suckers would happily show up for.

Notsomuch!

Out came a pan. In went the oil. And *puff* went the round plastic lookin' thingies!

Okay........THAT part was fun!!
Seriously--they slip in the hot oil and puff up like magic!
Kinda like those magic sponge pills on steroid. Five seconds and those little round plastic lookin' thingies are puffed up pockets of......somethingorother!

THAT'S cool!!

And then I tried one.
Ummm......
Yup.
Snapped off the corner of a piece and popped that sucker into my mouth straight outta the pan!!

Uh huh.....

Ever stick something into your mouth and immediately know that was a bad plan?
Yeah well, I started one chew and was immediately met with 'SPIT THAT OUT'.

Ever seen an adult stand around with a face of a two year old holding food in her mouth that she wants OUT of her mouth right now?

Flour--or so he-who-watches-the-Food-Channel said.

UCKY.
That's what Mel said.
UCKY UCKY UCKY!!!

'They're gorgeous.' he-who-has-a-love-affair-with-food said as he happily munched away.

Uh uh....UCKY.
And google search shows that little plastic lookin' thingie that puffs up cool is made of flour from some kinda bean.
So gluten isn't an issue......apparently.

Wasn't gonna tell he-who-watches-the-Food-Channel that....but it would seem it was searched on another computer. 'Good news--it's not wheat. You can have papadums!'

Do I haffta?
Can't he build cute little things for the train layout with 'em instead?
Roofs or fences..... Somethin'....

I'm sure he could paint 'em and make 'em work.
He's good like that.

:-/

Today's Reading

An unexpressed feeling is like a rubber band being stretched to its limit. The longer you hold on to the feeling, the more the tension grows. Eventually something has to give, or the rubber band is going to snap. When that happens, someone is going to get hurt!

More often than not, the reason you do not express your true feelings is because you believe what you feel is wrong. You may remember the last time you felt this way about something or someone. When you shared what you felt, it was rejected or challenged. That memory is now hovering right below the surface of what you feel, and you are not about to run the risk of making someone else angry!

Perhaps you are trying to protect other people from your feelings. You may believe that they cannot handle your feelings. You don't want to hurt or upset them. Unfortunately, your plan is not working! They are already upset! They are constantly upset with you because somewhere in their being they know that there is something you need to say. Keep this in mind when you are withholding your feelings: you are always having an unconscious relationship with people. This means that they already know the very thing you think they don't know. In fact, they, like you, know that there is a collective healing attached to the expression of feelings. The question is, are you willing to be healed?

Adult truths.....

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lite than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

23. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

24. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

G'head and laugh......I did.....

The Smile Bringer

Moon sand on a Friday

I'm taking moon sand to work.

NOT that I'll get a lot of time to play with it....I have a bazillion things that need 'fixed'. Sheesh....and I didn't even know they were broken?

Hazard of believing folks when they tell ya it's 'taken care of'.

Notsomuch.... I'm not sure what they thought 'taken care of' meant, but it didn't quite mean 'done!'.

*sigh*

I'm thinking I know where the problem exploded.
Ya don't transfer that '14 years of demonstrating follow through trust' on to a 2 year person that might not have the same talents......not without checking up to see that it's 'done' and giving them a warm fuzzy for doing that well.

Instead--I'm growling and trying to fix a mess....multiple messes......

But I have moon sand to go!

So life is good!!

Sunning

Fairy Reminder

When you are hurting, it may seem that other people do not notice or that they do not care. They never seem able to recognize the depth of your misery or discomfort. You want them to feel what you are going through so that they can stop it. Unfortunately, your efforts to get them to acknowledge what you are feeling lead to more frustration. You conclude that they don't care and this sends you deeper into the very thing you are trying so desperately to escape.

You cannot force someone else to see your pain. Your pain is your pain. It is the result of what you are telling yourself about yourself, about others, about situations or circumstances. It is not necessary for anyone to see, know or understand that you are hurting. You know! Your experience is the only motivation required to let you know that something must change. That something is you.

Reading for the Day

Don't "should" on other people and don't let them "should" on you.

Should is a judgment we make based on our experiences and perceptions.

When we pass that on to other people, we are judging them.

Should is an expression of fear.

It says that our way is the right way; if you move beyond that, you might prove I am wrong.

Should is the way we control others, to make them think or behave the way we want them to.

Should takes us on a guilt trip and limits our capacity to grow.

If we only do the things we should do we will never learn another way we could do it.

Should limits us to what is comfortable.

Should keeps us in a place that is familiar.

Should makes us responsible to someone other than ourselves when we know that is not the way we "should" live.

When you're good.......

......you're good.

I LIKE being good at what I do.

Who doesn't?!

Yeah, well....gee, golly--thanks for another 'growth opportunity'.

*shaking head*

Here's the truth.

I was a good little therapist.

No--I was a DAMN good therapist. I didn't WANNA do anything different than what I was doing.
I was also a good little waitress, a good little bartender, a good little counselor, a good little secretary at one point.....and I never wanted to leave a job I was in--cuz I was good at it.

Who doesn't wanna do what they're good at?!

Problem is, I like being GOOD at what I'm doing and I get COMFY in doing it.

Too comfy, apparently.

I get good, I get comfy--and I settle. That's IT--I'm good at it, I'm comfortable doing it. DONE, tyvm!

Settle.

Stay comfy.

Stay content in what I'm 'good at'....and feel competent in......overly competent in, but competent and comfy.

There's a lot of feel goods attached to that--and identity in being GOOD at what it is that I DO.

What there isn't...is growth and maximum service.
It's service--and it's damn good service to 24.

What about the other 576?

*sigh*

I settle.

I'd never know my own greatness if it were up to me.

I KNOW why I get pushed and shoved and stretched and battered in the process.

I settle.

It's what I do.

The stretch.....the pull.........the shoving into the deep end of the pool--not what I do naturally.

Apparently some folks 'chase' other positions and 'moving up ladders' and chase that stretching.

Not so for me.

I'da stayed a happy GOOD waitress forever if 'arrangements' hadn't happened.

......k.....I'm good with that........ HOWEVER--I'd like a BIT of consultation before I get tossed into the deep end of the pool please.

JUST a bit?

k....maybe a bit was tried and I was doing what I DO--plugging my ears and singing a happy tune.

Yeah......

Something to the equivalent of 'hell no, I won't go'......

I suck!
I'm even comfy being good at sucking.......

omg.....how true is that........

Humming

Today's Reading

When something someone says or does upsets you, your upset is not about the other person. Feelings are triggered within you when an external source bumps into something that is aready there. A self-inquiry will help you figure out what you are hiding that is being triggered by what you are experiencing.

When you least expect it, truth will fly out of someone's mouth. That truth will burn a hole in your defenses, and chances are it is going to upset you. More than likely you will direct your upset toward the person who released the truth your were denying, ignoring or trying to excuse away. If, on the other hand, you turn inward, then you are opening the door to a wholesome self-inquiry that will ultimately lead you to something that needs to be healed.

A self-inquiry indicates your desire to take charge of rampant emotions so that you are not manipulated like a puppet by the things that go on around you. A self-inquiry begins the moment you experience the upset and ask the question. What am I feeling? Once you get the nature of the feeling, you must ask yourself, Why am I feeling this? The answer is likely to be, Because so-and-so did such-and-such! WRONG! Do not lay your feelings in someone else's lap. Take charge! Call forth your issues so that they can be healed. Doing anything less will leave you out of touch with you and at the mercy of everything and everyone.

Okaythen.....

The good news is, I'm up and moving.

Slowly....but moving.

LOL

The ol' gray mare she ain't what she used to be.

Thinkin' that tune'll be stuck as I groan my way into the day.

I love bug time.
She can come again next weekend! :-)

By then 'groaning old people noises' should be down to a minimum, dontchathink?

Fairy Brilliance

To stop, to rest, or to pause means to do no thing. It means no thinking! No moving! No decisions! When you press the pause button on the audio or video machine, everything stops. No picture. No sound. No movement. The images and sounds of life must come to a halt if you want to have a clear picture about what to do next. What a blessing it is to push the pause button. To have the ability to stop and gather strength or to wait until things have passed before turning a corner and moving forward. A pause in life's journey does not mean that nothing is happening. In reality, it is a divine opportunity to be present and catch up with all that is going on.

Pedalin' is thirsty work

T(that make you go hmmmm)FTD

If there is anything you don't want people to know about you, don't tell anyone.

We give people too much responsibility when we entrust them with our business.

Sometimes they repeat the information mindlessly; other times they use our story to make a point.

We should only tell our problems to people who can help.

Eighty percent of the people we talk to can't help us; the other 20 percent really don't care.

We are quick to accuse our friends of betraying us, but do we consider how we betray ourselves?

We lie to ourselves and on ourselves and then allow ourselves to believe it will not come back.

It does, through the mouth and actions of someone else.

In those special times when you must talk about your private affairs, ask the other person if he is wiling to keep your confidence.

If he repeats it, then the responsibility is his -- not for telling your business, but for not keeping his word.

Good Fairy Stuff

Your life is a reflection of you. Everything that is coming to you from out there is coming to show you where work is required on yourself. As you shake your head No and point at all the people you can blame for what is going on with you, you miss another divine opportunity to examine what is really going on within you. Until you are willing to accept total and complete responsibility for every aspect of your life, your life will keep sending you experiences designed to get your attention.

It can be difficult to acknowledge your role in the annoying little messes and great big disasters in your life. No one likes to take the blame! Quite often, we confuse accepting responsibility for bearing the blame. When you are the one to blame, it means you are somehow at fault -- and must be punished. To avoid punishment, we look for someone else to put the blame on. In doing so, we miss an opportunity for self-correction.

Rather than looking for who is to blame, think about who is responsible. Accepting responsibility means examining the choices made. A choice is usually made in reaction or response to some sort of stimulation. The outcome reveals what kind of choice was made. When you are trying to escape blame and punishment, the outcome will lead you to speak about others. When you are willing to accept responsibility for your choices, the outcome leads you to self-evaluation and self-correction.

Bugs in Nana's Garden

Fairy Dust

I will gain more understanding when I realize . . . a teacher is not one with many students but one who creates many teachers.

Bug Busy-ness

Much needed distraction....I have a Bug in the house.

Kinda like 'a mouse around the house', which is a book Nana and Grandad snatched up cuz it was just too darn cute. Of course this is the book she wanted to take nite-nite last night when she finally crashed and burned. Ummmm.....yeah--no. Llama Llama red pajama, tyvm. A bit of ocean sound and a few pages of Llama Llama red pajama.....out like a light. Well, sorta...... After confiscating Mr. Cow, Buddy, grandad's monkey and Nana's zebra--which she now pronounces zeb-bra.....we can blame grandad for that one.

We didn't even get outta town before she was the excuse to stop for a hot fudge sundae. This was after we were given permission to get through mealtime any way we could manipulate given that's the current battle with the 2 year old. Grandad's solution--'we'll just feed her ice cream then'.

I'm thinking that was more for grandad than for her--but I could be wrong.

Oh BOY is she two.

And oh boy is she her mother's child.

Silly bug is putting weebles on time-outs. LOLOL

Dunno what the poor weebles did but it apparently was time-out worthy.

We've got her bugliness for the next few days--we'll see how we survive this one.

Geeze she grows too fast.

And geeze is she a smooth operator--she's got grandad wrapped around those little fingers, easy peasy.

Down

Fairy Thought

Many of us feel that we can only show our strong, confident side. We believe the face we have to show to the world should always be one of politeness, perfection, calm, strength, and control.

While it is certainly good and often appropriate to be in control, calm, and strong, there is another side to all of us - that part of us that feels needy, becomes frightened, has doubts, and gets angry. That part of us that needs care, love, and reassurance those things will be okay. Expressing these needs makes us vulnerable and less than perfect, but this side needs our acceptance too.

Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable will help us build lasting relationships. Sharing our vulnerabilities helps us feel close to people and helps others feel close to us. It helps us grow in self-love and self-acceptance. It helps us become healing agents. It allows us to become whole and accessible to others.

The Fringes

Today's Reading

Good feelings can become a habitual part of our life. There is absolutely no virtue in the unnecessary suffering many of us have felt for much of our life. We don't have to allow others to make us miserable, and we don't have to make ourselves miserable.

A good day does not have to be the "calm before the storm." That's an old way of thinking we learned in dysfunctional systems. In recovery, a good day or a good feeling doesn't mean we're in denial. We don't have to wreck our good times by obsessively searching for or creating a problem.

Enjoying our good days doesn't mean we're being disloyal to loved ones who are having problems. We don't have to make ourselves feel guilty because other people aren't having a good day. We don't have to make ourselves miserable to be like them. They can have their day and their feelings; we can have ours.

A good feeling is to be enjoyed. More than we can imagine, good days are ours for the asking.

Today, I will let myself enjoy what is good. I don't have to wreck my good day or good feeling; I don't have to let others spoil it either.

Things that DON'T make me happy.....

.....being told by my boss that his boss 'lacks confidence in my ability to be successful', given new expectations/standards we're to work under.

....being asked by my boss if I WANT to still do the position I'm in, knowing what the new expectations/standards are.

....having my fragile little feeling hurt that the statement was made by someone I thought believed in me and knew my heart.

....knowing what's in my heart--might not be the 'right stuff' to remain in my current position.


Now, granted, the boss' boss did say there was more confidence in my ability than some others that were being questioned--that doesn't change the 'ouch' that happened when that message was delivered.

I told the boss, when he asked if I wanted to remain in the position, that I needed to pray about it....and toss it around.
I've tossed it around a bit. Okay......darn little, actually--I had plenty to do in front of me. Makes it real convenient for avoidance purposes, dontchaknow.

Legit question. Ouch statement, but legit statement given some of my decision making to let 'some things go' while I focused on 'other things'.
Other things=kiddos and day to day operations to compensate for the 10 people that left during the chaos of 'moving/not moving' the program.
Some things=computerized reports/data entry for tracking and all that good computery stuff that I tend to want to walk away from cuz it takes time from kiddos and families that I believe needed the time.

I know if the 'some things' don't get done--the 'other things' will eventually not be there. Gotta do the 'some' to get the 'others' to actually DO the things folks in 'human services' DO.

No. I'm not happy.
And given what I know--the boss' boss has a legit concern, even if it was an 'ouch' moment.
No one who knows me has to question where my heart and passion is.
It's with the kiddos and their families.
It's not with the computerized 'some things' which need to happen.
I'm in HUMAN services, not computer services.

I also get one has to happen for the other to happen.
And I probably even get that it's my turn to step to the side and let others have their turn--cuz I am needed/wanted in other places.
Or not.
Maybe that's the 'ouch'. And maybe that's why I was glad for the boss' question--given the changes and expectations...do I even wanna stay in the position.

Dunno.
But I know even posing that question in black and white makes me tearful as all get out.......

Today's not the day to 'toss it around'.
Maybe it's the day to pray about it though.

I'll do that.

Things that make me happy

....347 photos on the camera. *laughing* In one afternoon!

....the appearance of Arnie, the boy hummer.

....saving the cicada!!

....peaches.

....a Bug weekend!

....OH!! Underwater sand sculturing sand stuff!! WAY cool!!!

....HUGE flutterbys.

....and the bitty flutterbys too!

Fairy Reading for Today

Baseball teaches us, or has taught most of us, how to deal with failure. We learn at a very young age that failure is the norm in baseball and ... errors [are] part of the game, part of its rigorous truth.

--Francis T. Vincent, Jr.

Of course we will make mistakes. We are born with the right to make mistakes. There is no shame in that. Perfection is a false ideal for a real human being. We learn by trial and error. If we try to be perfect, we will meet dead ends and roadblocks because we will inevitably fall short.

Instead, there is wisdom in the motto "Keep coming back." In this instance, the motto refers to returning to our standards. Rather than to strive constantly for higher and higher perfection, our goal is to always return to the rules we live by. Of course we will veer off the path. When we do, we make repairs, pay our dues, and hold our place as full-fledged members of the human race.

Pondering the potential

Today's Reading

Many of us have a need to be right.
Usually this stems from the inner cry, "There is something wrong with me."
We then set out to make ourselves right by making someone else wrong.
We may plan what to say.
We may canvass others to elicit their support.
In some cases, we simply attack, letting others know how wrong they are and why we think so.

Self-righteousness is an affliction.
It is an inner desire to be accepted and valued.
It is a camouflage for feelings of worthlessness.
No matter how wrong another may be, it will never make you right.
Self-value, self-worth and self-esteem cannot come as a result of being the only right one.
It must come from knowing who you are from within and feeling good about it.

Europeans being wrong will not make African people right.
Women being wrong will not make men right.
White people being wrong will not make Native Americans right.

We must get right with ourselves.
Once, we do, we will have so much to do, we will not have time to keep track of who is wrong.
I'm okay, you're okay, let's get to work.