Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Petty.

Stupid.

Trivial in the bigger scope of things, I'm sure.
Maybe this will work to put things to right size and get me off the dime and outta the desert.

The biggest source of desolation this week--Food.

Yup. Sounds pretty stupid and petty.
Just putting it up here makes it sound as trivial as it probably oughta be.
The problem is--it hasn't particularly been trivial, even though I've wanted it to be.

Admittedly, I've had a long standing issue with food. In order to 'function' I've had to look at food a bit differently than most folks.
Food's been 'fuel for the body' for a long time in my life.
That's the way I've had to look at it.

Food's been the topic of choice for the better part of this week.
He who must be tired of this, the doctor, the nutritionist--co-workers, concerned friends....even WPIML has had an ounce of flesh this week over the food issue.

I asked WPIML not to take the ounce of flesh--I'm feeling like there ain't an extra ounce left to hand over.

The doc told me it's a slow heal. "We're talking about two to three years, not two to three months". The nutrionist is suggesting I might want to consider giving up dining out all together for a while.
I'm tired of being tired.
I'm tired of people looking at me sideways and making comments.
I'm tired of being talked about like I'm not standing there--yes, I look different than I did a year ago....
I'm tired of label reading and 'what's in it?' questioning. Even having to consider 'cross contamination'?
......OY brother....

The desolation?
The focus of my whole world is suddenly and unchangingly-- food.....

Cancer didn't get this much airtime. I swear.......



The consolation?

Peacefilled moments have come as I've managed to manipulate a bit of patio time where the critters and flowers get my attention. The firepit was lit, feeders were filled--bunnies, ground squirrels, woodpeckers, nuthatches, cardinals, sparrows and grackles alike showed their appreciation by showing up and providing stolen moments of entertainment.

A good book to stick my nose in has proven to be handy. If nothing else, it's been a break from the reality that's been nipping at my heels every which-way I turn.
Nope, I haven't picked up anything new--(k.....'cept for "Church of the Old Mermaids" which I thoroughly enjoyed!)
Working on the pile(s) I have has worked....though I can FEEL a trip to Barnes and Bankruptsy calling me.
(It's almost summer--a good book on the bench swing with a tall glass of suntea.....my idea of man-made heaven!)

Then there's the readings, the prayers and the gratitude list that WPIML has me doing.
Yeah, yeah......it's an old solution to an old problem.
It's all about 'attitude', I'm told. I'm also told that my attitude 'sucks'.

That's what I get for whining. LOL

*rolling eyes and laughing*

It hasn't killed me.
And there's something about the familiar, the simple, the routine and 'the basics' that brings me comfort.

When in doubt, back to the basics I go......

Brewing.....

The clouds......not me.

k.....maybe me, too.....

TFTD

The events and circumstances in your life are what they are.
What makes them meaningful to you is the way you choose to see them and respond to them.

Birdiesong

<-- filled the birdie feeders that he who must be ignored failed to fill

<-- is listening to happy chirpy tweeting birdies this morning

<-- opened the window in the bedroom that faces the birdie feeders so he who must be ignored can witness how happy and grateful the chirpy tweeting birdies are with their filled birdie feeders

<-- expects grumbly company for morning coffee ANY minute now....... :-D

Today's Fairy Thought

One of the most painful types of conflict is also the easiest conflict to avoid.
It is the conflict you have with yourself.
When the person inside is in conflict with the person you are on the outside, it drains your energy and damages your credibility.
Yet in an instant, you can be rid of that conflict.
All you have to do is be completely honest about who you are.

TFTD

To make a difference, you often must be different.

It takes courage and confidence to go against the grain of everything that surrounds you.

Walking the talk....

I'd asked the mom and the step-dad if they'd like to share their story with the kiddos....they'd gracious accepted. He was a the DEA (Drug Enforcement) person, she'd done her 5 years in a Federal prison.

He'd tossed his handcuffs on the table and offered to let one of my kiddos wear them.....so they'd know what it felt like.
She'd just gotten done speaking to that bit of paranoia that still lives in her whenever she's even briefly followed by a police car. She told the kiddos that she hoped that paranoia never left her. It keeps her ever mindful of the places she's been, that she hopes to never go again.

The local police entered only because there'd been no one on the unit to answer the phone. Someone got concerned.

It's nice that folks care enough that, should they not be able to reach the unit, they'd ring law enforcement out of concern.

He found us in the lecture room.

It was good for the mom.
It was good for the kiddos.

It was especially good for the step-dad as the mom twirled the handcuffs he'd hastily removed from the kiddos wrists "UHuh....not even the fluffy, feathery kind.....no sir, not me ever again."

LOL What a lovely shade of red.

Today's Fairy Dust

The world does not owe you joy or pleasure or fulfillment.
Rather, the world gives you ample space in which to create as much joy, pleasure and fulfillment as you wish.
Those who find a way to enjoy whatever life has to offer are the ones who get to enjoy the very best that life has to offer.
It's a matter of choice and the choice is up to you.

Lemme make this brief......

(there's a first time for everything.....'course, I'm talking about the brevity.....)

Today's Thought

If you always wish for more, you will never know the peace and satisfaction of having enough.

Realizing that you already have enough is one of the most profoundly empowering thoughts you can have.

Fully enjoying the first piece of cake does not prevent you from having a second.

Yet obsessing over whether or not you'll get another piece will always prevent you from enjoying what you have.

Being satisfied does not mean you must be complacent.
Being satisfied enables you to draw strength from your desires instead of letting them enslave you.

Things that make me happy

....the wee one making it abundantly clear she does NOT like that stupid pink hat jazz.

....fresh, homemade salsa. YUM! :-)

....watching Mr. Bunny devour four leaves from the neighbour's tomato plant that the neighbour said he wouldn't bother. OH contraire'!! LOLOL

....the 'first of the season' barbeque.

....cool paperplates with stipes and stars and explosions of colours on 'em....and napkins that match! :-)

....wee bunnies jumping straight into the air when a leaf falls to the ground. Silly things...

....Brits that get irritated by squeaky swings.....and makin' 'em squeak 'specially for him. LOL

....157 days til Halloween! (Gosh....on the downhill slide now!!!) YIPPEE!!!!!!

TFTD

When you peacefully let go of fear and anger, resentment and anxiety--

Goodness remains.

Baby geesies

Silly things....

Hidin' out on me on the bitty island for weeks...
The Brit kept making jokes about the invisible baby geesies.

HA!!

Lost most of their yellow already, but they count!

:-)

QOTW 4/25/09

What's the most used appliance in your house?

The coffee pot.

Don't ask how many I've run through in the past 5 years. And don't ask how many I own. *laughing*

I wonder if you were suppose to say 'the stove' or 'the wash machine'.

Fairy Reminder

The way to be respected is to be respectful.

The way to be heard is to listen.

Today's Bugshot

Sleeping with Bread

Okay, Big Guy.....

There's plenty I'm really, really grateful for. And I know I'm about to sound like a kvetching, temper tantrumming child.
But--

I'm weary. And I'm a BIT concerned you'll be making arrangements for me to rest. LOL
See, I don't always 'appreciate' the arrangements you make for me to GET rest, even if I DO end up 'getting it' (in more ways than one....).
I don't wanna DO some of the things that are on my plate for the doings.
I'd prefer to sit on the patio and pretend I'm retired, yaknow? Could we do that instead, please?

Yeah, yeah....I know the deal.

I know there's still a usefulness for me being here, elsewise I wouldn't be. But really...things need to slow down a bit. I ain't as young as I used to be--and I'm GLAD for that in some ways, not so glad in others.
What's the deal about 'getting older' having to LOOK like it, anyway?

I really AM weary.
I know part of it's my doings. k......more than 'part'...... I know I've mismanaged the house you put my soul in. I know some of that was deliberate on my part. Boy was THAT dumb on my part....
I don't like the long term consequences of some of my choices--couldn't you just wave some magic wand and do your thing?

k....pushin' it, I know......

Yaknow, I look back at the week and I admit it--I've been arrogant sometimes. I've been pushy and demanding and ungrateful, off and on.
At least once this week I've 'heard' and shot the messenger and gone about the business of disobeying..... Yes, I can still convince myself that MY way makes for a better solution--a more loving one, even! I shot my mouth off (Yup.... You KNOW it still happens) and 'forget' that MY truth isn't always THE truth for the rest of the population on the face of the earth.

And I've lie. OHmygosh--about the stupidest, most obvious things...I admit that I make a game of it sometimes cuz it's 'fun' for me to watch others sit and spin and get all kindsa flustered about buying into the lie to begin with....LOL
Still......

k......YOU made me this way--YOU FIX IT.

Right....I know, 'good try'....

I also look back to see all these nifty keeno things that have gotten dropped into my lap for the doings. *sigh* On one hand I'm grumbling about being weary.....on the other I'm all about having the opportunities that get handed to me cuz it's 'game ON!' and I do so love 'game ON!'.

Can't I have my cake and eat it, too?
Yeah, well.....I can want what I want, right?
Geeze, I'm such a whiner.....LOL

Really....it's been a cool week with bunches of stuff tossed my way. It's been really awesome. I got to be a part of some really cool moments and I'm really humbled by that......truly..... Standing up to give testimony to someone else's greatness in the lives of kiddos and families, getting to hold a wee one, getting to talk about what it was like then and what it's like now, getting to be a part of something new to others--that'll bring energy and good things to people we really want to help get different in their lives, getting to be present for some folks who really, REALLY needed someone present--getting to play and laugh and chastise the Brit....LOL
I really don't have a whole lot to kvetch about. (LOL...I know--then why do it?!)

And today I get to suit up and show up for the meeting, the meeting after the meeting and for time with the wee one. Nice way to begin a new week...even if it does mean more miles on the car and more people to see, things to do.....and no patio time.

Ah well.
You're probably saving me from all those harmful UV rays and giving the bunnies much needed nutrients that can be found ONLY in my potted plants. LOL

Gosh, You make me smile...

Thanks for that.

Suddenly I'm not as weary as I was...
Gee. Go figure.......

Soooo.... with that--

Amen.

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

Today's Thought

The way out of feeling overwhelmed is to focus on now.
Whatever you failed to do in the past does not matter now.
Let go of any thoughts that could draw you into anxiety about the future.

Give your attention to the progress you can make in this moment.
Focus your energy on the valuable contributions you can make from where you are, with what you have.

*sigh*

We buried Thammy the Thnake today.......he lived a happy thnakey life. I know he did.

And we've been happily entertained by Thammy for six years.

Dang........

I'm gonna miss him watching me work on the 'puter. *sigh*

Sucks.....
It just plain sucks.....

Plans for the day?

I have none.

I think I like it that way.....
It'll be a 'fly by the seat of your pants' kinda day!

Who knows....maybe sidewalk chalk will get to happen.
OH.....and bubbleguns!!!
And fires in the firepit!!!

OH.....and maybe even a bit of playing in the dirt!!!!

*rubbing hands together in anticipation*

Ohhhhhhhh...could be a lazy kinda fun play day!!

TFTD

Imagine once, and you have a glimpse.

Imagine continuously, again and again with the power of your passion, and what you imagine becomes real.
Reality is imagination that has persisted through every doubt.

Perfect.......

Tonight was the awards dinner.
There were so many people present--many I knew, many I didn't know but intend to come to know...

I was nominated for an award. I knew this before going--the awards committee sent on the nomination papers to my home. It's a part of what they do to recognize folks. I didn't read what folks had written for the nomination--still haven't. I had disqualified myself as a candidate--I'm sure the committee understood.

I don't do accolades well.
Maybe it's all the years of falsely taking 'all the glory and none of the blame'?
Truly the glory doesn't go to me--I had wonderful people passing on all the good stuff they had to give. I've been graced that way, a thousand fold.

It was an honour to be nominated.

The man whose name is on the award.....was my boss--twice. We had a history of 20+ years. He chased after me to bring me here. He died being my boss.

I miss him.
He was an important part in helping me become all that I am in the lives of kiddos and families.


I miss the gal who was one of my right hand gals. She passed away earlier this year and I really, really miss her.
We all struggle. I do. The staff that work with me do.......after some 19 years of working side by side--small wonder we struggle.

Tonight I was nominated for an award that I truly couldn't have accepted--wouldn't have accepted.
What the award speaks to is what I was privileged to do for years, once-upon-a-time.
I get to dabble here and there now. I manipulate--I demand the time I spend with the kiddos and families. I 'gave that up' when I accepted the administator's position I have.
I envy those who took my place, those who get to wake 'em up in the morning and put 'em to bed at night.
I miss that part which spoke so loudly to all that I am.
I also know why it is that I'm where I am, doing what I do.
I'm where I'm suppose to be, today.
Exactly where I'm suppose to be...


And tonight--among the noise and fanfare and 'doings'--my much loved and much missed right hand gal won the award that holds the name of my much loved and much missed boss.

I miss the man who was my boss, my friend, my mentor, my confidante', my teacher, my shining example of selfless service
.
I miss the gal who was my conscience, my steady Eddie, my agitator, my teacher, my pupil, my co-worker, my partner, my friend.

I was weepy tonight.
My whole crew was weepy.

I'm weepy now....

I miss 'em.

He who laughs first......

This..........is Mister Bunny.
He's a regular visitor to the backyard.

We feed him corns--he's grateful.
He's a HAPPY Mister Bunny.

This is Mel's newly potted plants.

k.....this WAS Mel's newly potted plants.
Seems Mister Bunny was into food experimentation and decided to dine on Mel's newly potted plants.

Variety is a good thing, he says.

Mister Bunny is only doing what Mister Bunny's do, he says.

Uhhuh.....


This is the table that Mel put the remains of Mel's newly potted plants on...and this is the sign SOMEone (whose name shall not be mentioned) placed on said table....

"Rabit Fud"

Uhhuh....VERY funny.......

Of COURSE Mister Bunny is only doing what Mister Bunny's DO.......

THIS is the pot that's eagerly awaiting the tree that will go on Mel's patio.
And this (a thousand pardons) is the 'birdie surprise' that Mister Robin leaves when he lands on the edge of the pot to have a 'look see' for wormies and bugs that might become his dinner.

THIS is a source of aggravation for SOMEone (whose name shall not be mentioned).

Oh, but Mister Robin is ONLY doing what Mister Robin's DO, dontchaknow.
*laughing*

Whaddaya think?
"Please wash hands before resuming activities"

Or...maybe "Flush"

Or.....maybe just a roll of toilet paper stuck to the side.......
*laughinglaughinglaughing*



(Ms. Mel is only doing what Ms. Mel DOES, dontchaknow....)




(And this would be a shining example of that "Love, though a soft word and a gentle image, doesn't always promise us soft, gentle moments." that the fairies were speaking to.....*snickering*)

...rawrrrrrrr.......

Okay.

That's IT!!!!

I'm dragging the laptop with me to the girls house. (THIS is why I paid her way through college!!)

I'm thinkin' it's me and not some of 'youse guys that I frequent with my morning cuppa (pots of) java'. (though I HAVE tried to make it about everyone else, go figure..LOL)

*sigh*

"Operation aborted" is NOT a warm fuzzy message to flash on to your 'puter screen on a Friday.
Or a Thursday.
OR a Wednesday.

RAWR!!!

Bitty Thought

Love, though a soft word and a gentle image, doesn't always promise us soft, gentle moments.

Sometimes love offers us a pained heart and empty arms.

We know love comforts, but not always.

Love heals, but in its own time.

It is the desire to know love that draws us together, always.

More than once it's been viewed.....cuz......

Lay down your head
And I'll sing you a lullaby
Back to the years of loo-li lai-lay
And I'll sing you to sleep
And I'll sing you tomorrow
Bless you with love
For the road that you go.

May you sail fair
To the far fields of fortune
With diamonds and pearls
At your head and your feet
And may you need never
To banish misfotune
May you find kindness
In all that you meet

May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay.

May you bring love
And may you bring happiness
Be loved in return
To the end of your days
Now fall off to sleep,
I'm not meaning to keep you
I'll just sit for a while
And sing loo-li, lai-lay

May there always be angels to watch over you
To guide you each step of the way
To guard you and keep you safe from all harm
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay.
Loo-li, loo-li, lai-lay.

Bugbugbug!

This one--I don't mind.

HOWEVER.......she who rings me at 11pm to inform me that the June Bugs are out and about WILL be blamed for the late night boarding up of windows and doors. :-/

QOTW 5/23

Where are you going today?

It's Thursday--so it's a work day.

I'll go to the worksite, take care of some immediate things that need taken care of (there's ALWAYS something that requires my immediate attention)......and then I'm headed over to the main office and business office.

There's the Administrative Meeting that I soooo love going to (NOT) and I have to physically go to the business office to straighten out the mess folks made of my FTE list. How it is that I can send them the corrected electronic document and STILL not get it back as I sent it--dunno....but I intend to sit my body down at the desk of the person and fix it in their system for the last freaking time. I'll try to do that with a BIT of dignity and grace....(which means I'll take myself to the Starbuck's drive thru before I go to the business office....LOL).
I'll get it done and go BACK to the worksite to work part of the evening with the newly hired staff members--cuz...they're new and I'm not? Actually--cuz I can. HA.
Then--I'm hoping to go home so I can catch the sunset from the patio.

Yeah, right....

LOL

Watching the stars from the patio--equally cool. Maybe that's a more realistic goal..cuz once I start playing with the kiddos-------

:-)

Fairy Thought

Most of us experience wavering self-confidence on occasion.

It may haunt us when a big task faces us.

Or it may visit us when we least expect it.

It's a facet of the human condition to sometimes lack self-assurance.

At times we need to remember that life is purposeful, and the events involving us are by design.

Almost daily we'll face situations we fear are more than we can handle, and we'll hope to pass the task off to another.

It's well for us to remember that we're never given a task for which we're not prepared.

Nor should we pass on to others those activities we need to experience personally if our growth is to be complete.

Thought for the day

Humility is to make a right estimate of oneself.

- Charles Haddon Spurgeon

What does it take to come to the place where we can exchange pride for humility?
First we must stop the blasphemous charade of pretending that we are no good.
"I'm worthless" has often been spoken in the name of humility.
But these words, or any other words that express the same sentiment, are a self-indulgence and a cop-out.

Humility is truth.

To be humble is to know the truth about our limits, to recognize what can be changed, and to accept that all good things are possible with the help of our Higher Power.

Excessive pride prohibits acceptance because it prohibits the truth, and the truth is that some things are unchangeable.
Refusal to accept that truth gets us plenty of frustrations and anger - and no humility at all.

Today, I humbly ask God for the wisdom to accept what is and to let go of what isn't.

(-: Onemoreforthelist...

Definitely on the 'things that makes me happy' list.....

Things that make me happy

....dirt, happily waiting to 'meet and greet'.

....tents filled with plants and flowers, eagerly waiting to be claimed and given a home.

....an allergy stricken Brit saying "Come along--Let's go plant shopping".

....the wee baby Billy Bunny hiding in the neighbours irises.

....the sound of leaves waving in the breeze.

....warm pavement, bare feets!

....the oriole pretending he's a hummingbird.

....Toby the Toad's return to the rock garden. :-)

....a patio filled with new plants--'cept for 'that one pot'....LOL

Ohhhhhhh.....Just another Thought for the day...

What can we change?

Ourselves.

Put your energy and efforts where you can experience success.

On yourself and in your own self worth, your own peace.....your own serenity.

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

Desolation: Sorrow, grief, woe

Watching someone in emotional pain doing everything they can to avoid dealing with it head-on, creating crisis after crisis and misplacing their anger and hurt on to innocent people around them. *sigh* Sometimes it's really, really hard watching the great lengths victims will go to avoid dealing with their victimizations.

Watching someone in the throes of their addiction lie to themselves just like I lied to myself--watching them destroy their life bit by bit by bit......and watching them create (what could be) unforgiveable wreckage in the lives of the people who want so desperately for them to have different because they love them. Sometimes it's hard to watch people go down that path.

Watching people stumble and fall when I really could do something to interfere with that process--but know that it's not mine to do. Sometimes I don't like knowing what I know.

Consolation: Comfort, solace, relief

Sticking my hands in dirt and starting to claim the patio after winter stole it from me is happening. There's one of the places I go to that lets my mind be on what's present. Suntea gets made there. Critters visit me there. Sidewalks get coloured and flowers bloom there. Sunshine and warmth find me there. Putzing around in barefeet, being a spectator instead of being smack-dab in the middle of all that trauma...it's a good place.

Drive time--even though it's required (and it was required a lot last week) gives me time to 'reset'. I don't know what happens when I get behind the wheel of a car to drive distances, I just know it does and I'm glad for it.

Food. There's one that surprises me to put into black and white--I'm just not that fond of food. But food has been a battle for some time....this gluten-free jazz can be one of those every day 'grief' factors. Quite honestly it's an interference every day. (probably cuz I let it be?) But this week himself plopped down a bag of pretzels....gluten-free. OMG did I munch myself into heaven. And more than once this week I dipped into that bag to feed my feelings.

Daily photo messages and one sound text from the wee one. Whoda thunk I'd say claim that as a consolation--certainly not me. There's something about the sound of that snoring, sleepy noise makin' wee one--it's been played over and over and over again--so often himself asks 'listening again, are we?'. LOL She's started a dangerous habit, that girl. But it's been a good thing this week. It's brought laughter in a week littered with tears.


It was a difficult week.....one filled with some very tough moments that seemed to bleed from one tough moment straight into the next.
But I've got a plan for this week, given this examen called it to my attention.....

I'm taking my bag of pretzels, my cellphone (I don't beleive I'm saying that--ME.....the hater of cellphones.....LOL) and I'm gonna go sit on the patio AS often as I can make happen....

Today's Fairy Dust

In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life:

It goes on.

-- Robert Frost

She's such a cute little bug.....

...and we're practicing saying "Nana".

Cuz....... *laughing*

TFTD

How we define "good fortune" is a significant indicator of one's attitude.

While winning the lottery might be judged as good fortune by all of us, virtually every other occurrence will be evaluated in a very individualistic way.

What seems like a wonderful situation or opportunity to one might greatly frighten his or her neighbor.

Peacefulness is a feeling everyone deserves.

And it is attainable.

Perhaps we're beginning to realize that it always was available even though it didn't seem within our grasp.

The fault was never the result of external circumstances, even though that was where we laid the blame.

We're never too old to develop a positive outlook on life.

Some say, "I'm too old to change."

But that's not true.

Peace can be enjoyed by me today, regardless of circumstances, if I shift my perception ever so slightly.

Give 'em paper and a charcoal pencil....

Sheeeeeeshhhh....
......and I can't even draw a silly stick person and have their legs come out even....


*laughing*
Don't make me prove that....

...whoooaaaa......

We have grass.

We have flowers!

And we have a lawn that needs mowed.
Hows come that makes me happy? LOL
Ah well--Give it another couple of months. The newness will wear off, I'm sure!



OH.
OhohOH!!!
:-)

AND it's Saturday!!!!!

Betcha with another cuppa coffee or two I can come up with 'reasons' that flower shopping and planting (after all, they look so sad stuck in those bitty containers with their roots all hangin' out....) is necessary!!!!!

So what if it's gonna be 33 degrees tonight.....
It's not like we have to lug every plant inside.

*nodding head*
Some of the pots are on roller thingies.

k. ReadysetGO Fairy

Today I will let go of procrastination.

I will take a look at why I put off responsibilities and how I can change this behavior.

Do I feel that I won't do certain tasks well enough or that they're too overwhelming?

Do I set specific standards for myself and then fail because I've set them too high?

Do I expect perfection from myself and then put off what I fear will be imperfect?

As long as I accomplish my tasks to the best of my ability, I will succeed.

I can jump in with both feet when necessary and feel proud that I at least started what I needed to do.

Nothing can ever be completed without starting it first.

When I procrastinate, I will never get where I need to go, and eventually I will become overwhelmed and buried underneath all the things I refused to start.

Mayflower

Thought for the Day

One cannot have wisdom without living life.

--Dorothy McCall

Living life means responding, wholly, to our joys and our pitfalls.

It means not avoiding the experiences or activities that we fear we can't handle.

Only through our survival of them do we come to know who we really are; we come to understand the strength available to us at every moment.

And that is wisdom.

I don't DO anxiety well.

Actually--that's not true.

I do anxiety quite well. I work well from the deep end of the pool.
I tend to toss myself in there and paddle around til I get the hang of it and then I'm swimmin' for all it's worth.
I rather LIKE the deep end of the pool.
I work well under pressure and deadlines.
I even like it.

You don't work in the environment I work in if you can't deal in anxiety. It's never the same day twice and there's always some 'crisis'.
Heck, sometimes I'm creating helping create the crisis--it makes for wonderful 'treatment opportunities'.

I don't like being blindsighted with my own crisis.
I think that's probably more truthful.
And I don't like that 'oh CRAP' feeling that grabs me.
Everything gets all muddled for a bit of time and it feels really out of control.

Even though I KNOW it's all out of my control, that pointed reminder that it IS all out of my control.....makes me feel a bit outta whack.
YUP.....feeling a bit outta whack!!!
And I don't much like it.

Deep end of the pool time, maybe?
Learning curve......feels pretty steep at this moment in time.

And I don't like that the boss wants me before the meeting today. AND that he made the time together 'mandatory'--cuz if I don't get there, he'll come here tomorrow.
"Problem?"
Nope....he says not. Uh huh....yeah, well....FEELS like a problem headed my way.
Makes me wonder if the anxious moment got to him before I got to IT.

PROBABLY!!!!

*sigh*

OH well.....if I look at it as 'deep end of the pool'.......maybe.
*sigh*

Rawr.

Today's Thought

Don't overlook the wonder of the ordinary.

The extraordinary, the amazing, the phenomenon are daily glorified in the movies, the news, and on television.
Our senses become bombarded.
We become addicted to drama.
The only things that get our attention are the big, catastrophic, knee-jerking events.

Take a closer look at your life, your everyday world, and the people and activities in it.
If it were all taken from you in one moment, what would you miss?
What sights, what sounds, what smells?
Would you miss the view from your kitchen window?
If you were never to see that scene again, would you nostalgically reminisce about it, wishing you could see it one more time, remembering how beautiful it was, and how much that familiar sight comforted you in your daily life?
What about those toys strewn about or the baby crying because he's hungry or wet?

What about the sounds of the city you live in as it comes to life each morning?

Or how about how your child smells after her bath?

Or when she comes in cold from playing in the snow?

What about the way your friend smiles, or that little thing he says all the time that's not funny but he thinks it is, so you laugh?

Look closely at the ordinary in your life.

While you're being grateful, don't forget to express pure, sheer gratitude for how beautiful the ordinary really is.

We can easily overlook the ordinary, take it for granted.

The sun rises and sets, the seasons come and go, and we forget how beautiful and sensational the familiar really is.

God thank you for every detail of my ordinary, everyday world.

And the answer is........

<-- slightly wilted after too many hours at the worksite--just warnin' ya......

Tonight's dinner was chicken korma--and the conversation.... was about 'bottled water' cuz he asked if I was tiring of drinking it.
And then we zipped right into the evils of fossil fuels (cuz of the plastic bottle that holds my stupid antioxidant water with electrolytes and vitamins)...and then 'carbon footprints'---and THEN cows in India making a bigger carbon footprint than my little waterbottle (with antioxidants, electrolytes AND vitamins).

THEN it went to 'zactly how many sacred cows were IN India (which he happily googled whilest I did the washing up)--which then led to the text question to the girl about 'zactly who feeds those 200 (plus) million cows in India that are wandering around wherever they care to cuz they're sacred.



Ohhhhhh.....

:-(


Garbage.

Those poor sacred cows "eat garbage--unless some poor sap in the palace has that as his job".

I was feeling bad for those poor cows, scrounging around while they're supposed to be 'sacred'. I mean, is that any way to treat a sacred cow?!

Dinner ended--dishes were done. Rain happened and plants got drug in......and then came the REAL question:

Geeze--what if one of those sacred cows wanders over into one of those two states that don't have laws about cows being sacred.
I mean--are there signs telling those cows 'DON'T COME OVER HERE Mr. Sacred Cow...You'll become FRESH MEAT if ya do!!'??

Shouldn't there be warning signs?!
Gosh....poor garbage eating sacred cows....




Himself called me a 'Wally'......and told me cows don't read.

Pffffffftttttt--You've never met a sacred cow.
Maybe they DO read!
And if they don't have those signs up--they oughta!
Geeze--the poor things, scroungin' around eating garbage...I say we box up that antioxidant water with electrolytes and vitamins, stick in some good 'ol Iowa hay and send it all to 'em!

"Right then. We'll move on to something different to drink, shall we."


He did tell me that I make for the most interesting ('bizarre' was the word he used, but I'm pretty sure he meant 'interesting') conversations at meal times.

And I'm sure there was a reason that he asked me to note that it (only) took me 2 hours and 13 minutes to answer his question.

.....yeahyeahyeah.....but what about those poor sacred cows....

TFTD

Hurting someone thoughtlessly just to lift our own guilt is not a proper amends.

Amends are for rebuilding the burned bridges in our lives.

But if amends will hurt someone, we must decide if it's in that person's best interest to be told now.

Oftentimes it's best left unsaid, but never denied to ourselves or to God.

Changing our behavior intentionally is one part of making amends, particularly to those who may have heard us say "I'm sorry" far too many times.

Repaying money, repairing damages, and making charitable contributions on behalf of the person we have harmed are all honest attempts to right our wrong.

The point in every amends attempt is to take responsibility for what we did and express our regrets.

Couple this with changed behavior, and our relationships will improve immediately.

Things that make me happy

.....granting forgiveness to the other, other boy for following HER instructions instead of listening to mine.

....watching the other, other boy rub the girl's back.

....listening to the baby's heart monitors go 'thump, thump, thump'.

....epidurals. LOL

....standing with an ear pressed to the door, giggling with the other Nana.

....the 'OH-NO-WE-ARE-NOT' reply when the nurse told her 'we're going to stop pushing and wait for the doctor'.

....tiny fingers and toes....

:-)

Wee Fairy Thought

Spend more time listening than you do talking, and it will add greatly to the effectiveness of what you say.

Ummmm......see, it's sorta like this--

Yeah, yeah.......so it was a mere one degree above freezing this morning and they're talking about another cold night.
SO WHAT if we had frost on the ground!!!

The sun was shining this afternoon when I finally got home--and there were some plants that found their way home with me yesterday.
Some.....More than a few, less than a bazillion.... Ummm....less than a bazillion so far?

k....it was an accident.
Really!!!!

I picked up plants for the girl and some were on sale.....I mean, like they were really a good price! So....ummmm......yup, I got two big hanging pots. But ONLY cuz I can get five healthy plants out of 'em and that's cheaper than buying five plants all on their own! (k......that's probably not REAL honest, but there's a bit of truth in there!)

But REALLY.....that one square planter with all the flowering flowers was an accident.
It was pretty and I thought the girl would like it.
And then I remembered that her hanging pot out front was mostly shaded..and the pretty one I bought--mostly sun.
DARN.

Soooooo....I kept that one (oh, the sacrifice....LOL) and got her one for mostly shade!
SEE!! It was an accident!!!!

(yeah.....well.....he didn't buy it either.....)

The other plants?
Oh. Those.....
Ummmm......well....
They were pretty, too?

:-/

k.....well, it IS the season to pot plants.
And we do have a few pots.

k.......we sortakinda have loads of pots.
And I've been trying to weed out the multi-coloured pots on the back patio and just make 'em all clay pots--which is why I bought another HUGE clay pot.
So......

THIS is why I took the one bugliah plant and moved it to a bigger pot, and put the bushy guy that was in the white pot IN to the ex-bugliah pot--which is clay.....so the bushy guy can stay on the patio now--how cool is that?!
He's not being exhiled!
AND I left the brand NEW (no...it wasn't on sale....but it BEGGED me to bring it home for the tree--yaknow, the tree we're yet to purchase......THAT tree!! Geeze, stick with me and follow along!!) clay pot for the new tree....the one that'll be following us home at some point.... Trees'll do that!!

Only.....
NOW we have a freed up white pot that USED to have the bushy guy in it.

I'm thinkin' white pots out front, clay pots out back!


Yep.


Which leads me to the simple point--

We need to buy more plants.




Sometimes it pays to have a brain that's this creative!!!

:-)

QOTW 4/11

Next pet?

OH Lordie.....not another pet!

We have Thammy the Thnake and that's good enough for me! It took himself three hours to clean out and redo the scenery in Thammy's cage/living quarters yesterday.
Had to get the plants JUST right, dontchaknow.

NOT that the snake wasn't gonna excavate the whole works and churn up all the subtrate he neatly put down.

*shaking head*

NEXT pet?

A rock.

Yup....a cute rock. LOL

Fairy Reminder

If you're willing to admit it when you're wrong, you'll be able to improve and get it right. When you accept that you don't know it all, there's so very much that you will learn.

Let the routine begin....

Yup.....that's a Nana card! :-)

AND a Piratey book. AND a non-mushy card cuz the girl told the other, other boy (AKA the pushover) not to be getting me a mushy one cuz I'd be getting ALL kindsa weepy and the Nana card would already have me started...LOL (YES......she was right....darn kid.....)

(Note that the photo doesn't include the flowers and a fancy meal himself is making AS I type.....AND more cards and MORE flowery plants for the garden AND---k...I'm a bit spoiled and I LIKE it! HA! LOL)

Sooooooooo today we started a 'routine'.

Sunday's are the 'meet with the pigeons' day--and, of course, meetings.
It's just how I work it. Either stuff gets put into the routine or there's that great possibility that it won't happen regularly. For me, Sunday's are about staying centered and grateful and 'right sized'. It's also about being present for others who are getting to make a familiar journey, and keeping myself available so folks aren't trying to do the journey alone.

Even the girl, after years of being out of the house, knows where to find me Sunday mornings/afternoons. I'm a creature of habit.
WPIML says it's 'discipline'...he's right.

Today I added a 'discipline', another piece to the structure on Sunday. I go do what I've done for eons.....and then I slip over to the little white house where the girl, the pushover, and the wee one are (she might end up 'the bug'.....gosh...I can't settle on anything, can I? LOL).

Today I toted along the gifts for the new mom. NOT that she wasn't already lavished with gifts. The pushover done GOOD.
And she's gonna have flowers in her garden AND on her patio if it kills me. Too pregnant to bother with it earlier, and too busy as a the new mom to get it done now--the pushover promised he'd get the pots and stuff out so he and I can put stuff together next week when I bring round two of the flowers. Today's were just the hanging baskets cuz I was taking orders on what flowers were going where..... She was thrilled.....mostly cuz she'd given up the idea of trying to make it happen and she developed a love of flowers from --- somewhere. ;-)

So--the routine is started. And cuz himself has horrid allergies to cats (of which she has two--this she did NOT get from me!!!) we'll set up dinner/lunch a couple times a month so himself is getting his time as well--can't be missin' out on Granddad time, dontchaknow!

And the girl was honoured on her first Mother's Day...she absolutely loved her prezzies.

And I loved mine!
I'm all about the Piratey book!
But my favoritest gift--

---the one she put on my lap.



Oh, I am soooooooooo graced.......