The illusion

Our happiness is not a present someone else holds in his or her hands. Our well-being is not held by another to be given or withheld at whim. If we reach out and try to force someone to give us what we believe he or she holds, we will be disappointed. We will discover that it is an illusion. The person didn't hold it. He or she never shall. That beautifully wrapped box with the ribbon on it that we believed contained our happiness that someone was holding - it's an illusion.......

Rut roh........

If the only tool you have is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.- Abraham Maslow

Ohhhh........playtime!!

Remember those magazines that had those 'spot the differences' pages in 'em.

I'm so strange. LOL
I've been entertaining myself with some that I stumbled acrossed when I was searching for school stuff for the kiddos at work.
The problem is, I stopped to play.

It's not my fault.
Really.

I'm blaming work.
I shouldn't be working from home anyway!

HA! THAT works! *snickering*

(going back to play again!)

*doing the math*

(71x700) + (72x832) = An ungodly amount of stitches....

Ummm......
109,604?
I suck at math!

And that's not including the border.
And yes, by hand. Is there any other way TO quilt a hand pieced quilt?
Well, I suppose technically there is.
By why machine quilt a hand pieced/hand sewn quilt? That seems silly.

LOL Can you tell I'm obsessing and trying to justify baggin' the sucker up?
Oy.

Unfinished projects make me nutzoid.

Blip...

It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do a little. Do what you can.--Sydney Smith

Sleeping with Bread.......

My greatest desolation and my greatest consolation this week.....

That life is a WE deal.

I could (and probably oughta) list off the number of times someone was kindly towards me and offered help or simply DID without offering. Too numerous! I'm graced to be surrounded by a whole bunch of loving and giving people.

But I tell ya... sometimes I wanna forget that it's a WE deal.
I get in a hurry and I get impatient.......I get intolerant....
*I* can do it without any help, thanksanyway.
I don't NEED other people to help me, dontchaknow.
Simple things. Little things. Daily things......and *I* manage to revert back to doing it solo.....
Now, I'd like to say that's simply because I forget--but that would be a lie. I'd like to claim that since I'm capable, I'm not willing to take advantage of others (doesn't THAT sound moral and responsible!)

Truth is, I revert back because I can still have that putridly gak-ish mentality......right way, wrong way--MY way. And let's not forget 'If I want anything done right.....do it myself'. I don't even have to mention that 'fear' factor, do I? Cuz the whole freaking world knows I'm a scardy cat!.
I mean.....What if I ask and I'm told 'no'?!
What if WE do something and *I* botch it up for the both of us?! AUGH!!!
And what if I ask and I get 'help' and it's not what I need/want? How in the heck do I get outta THAT one graciously?!! What if they won't let me do it the right way? LOL Cuz darn SURE there's a right way to it! Oy........
Better not to ask at all.....
Looking stupid, looking incapable or weak or needy or like I needed anything from anyone.....not in my top ten favorite things to do.

But today...I'm glad it's a WE deal...even if the WE scares the byjeepers outta me.
And I'm grateful I've never, ever, EVER had to go anything alone---even if I 'felt' alone while I was trudging through the muck and the mire.
I've never BEEN alone.
I know this today...........and for that knowledge, I'm grateful.

As much as that 'slice of bread' scares me, as much as I'm selfish and egocentric about HOW things 'oughta' be done--as capable and as strong as I've been graced to BE--
Playing with others, letting others do for me or do with me.........is one of those things I'll get to deal in and get better at.
Solo means I cheat me and another human being.......and that ain't 'right'.

Solo doesn't mean 'ALONE'.
Maybe when I wear the humility of THAT one, playing well with others won't be so difficult for me?

What WAS I thinking?

The stencil on the left--700 stitches. The one on the right--832 stitches. I was a bit spooked when I got 208 four times in a row with each of the hearts. Just for good measure, I put in 209 on the last one I did. LOL NO, I'm not superstitious.....but I could be persuaded.

WHY I picked the designs for quilting that I picked, I don't have a clue. Maybe cuz they're cute? Probably cuz they're continuous lines, which makes quilting easier(?!) supposedly.
Now, keep in mind I haven't quilted on this quilt for over a year. Mostly cuz last winter I was dealing with healing from back surgery and it wasn't quite up for hunching over the hoop. This year--I've avoided it cuz it was last years project (b/f back surgery....and I was a bit miffed about the surgery messin' with my plans..that mighta had something to do with it, too...)

I suppose I'll keep at it. It's pieced together--and there's 12 squares that are actually quilted now. Ummmm....that's 12 out of--oh, don't make me go count 'em! LOL
Good news, though.......spring IS coming and I won't feel like quilting. I can pack it away for next fall and pretend it's a brand new project? (LIAR, LIAR, PANTS ON FIRE!!)
*sigh*

It couldn't be some small project.....oh noooooooooooooooooo.......
We're talking king size.
And.......yeah, yeah....I counted.... 143 squares.

Only 131 left to quilt!!

*looking for a king sized storage bag*

QOTW 4/8

You have permission to fire someone.
Who's it gonna be?

*thinking*

(it was a quick think, trust me. LOL)

The reading fairies this morning!

G'way!! You're bothering me!

Honestly, I like the option I execute on occasion--grab the reading books and search for one I actually WANNA hear.......one that validates what I wanna do (that probably isn't kosher TO do).

Fired I tell ya!!

:-)

I feel sooooooooooo much better! LOL
(til tomorrow morning when a new fairy raps me on the knuckles and tells me what not to do again.......)

Okay........who told the fairies?!

Rest when you're tired.
Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty.
Call a friend when you're lonely.
Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.

Many of us have learned how to deprive and neglect ourselves.

Many of us have learned to push ourselves hard, when the problem is that we're already pushed too hard.

Many of us are afraid the work won't get done if we rest when we're tired.
The work will get done; it will be done better than work that emerges from tiredness of soul and spirit.

Rest when you're tired.
Take a drink of cold water when you're thirsty.
Call a friend when you're lonely.
Ask God to help when you feel overwhelmed.

Five People You Meet In Heaven

Yep. I made himself watch the movie with me.

I so loved the book.
I've lent it out a number of times already. Himself wasn't interested in reading it, however........he's much more the type to get engrossed in some really thick book that contains history. Or--toss a Terry Pratchett book in his direction now and then.....he's a happy, chuckling camper.

He wasn't too excited when I offered the book up--and I loaned it out before I convinced him it was worth a read. It IS worth the read.

BUT..... he agreed to watch the movie.

Now, keep in mind I warned him.

C'mon....with the title alone... one would understand that the plot includes dealings with death and dying.

I still felt compelled to share that tidbit with him........in case there was any doubt. Cuz he's kinda sensitive about the whole death deal.

I even warned him "you'll cry--you just will.......but there's awesome lessons for living LIFE in there...."

I volunteered to watch it on the 'puter--cuz the nifty computer plays movies really, really well!

"Nonsense--we'll watch it together."

Okey dokey then!!
Pop in that CD!!

He kindasorta wondered if it was a bad plan when "Hallmark" flashed as the maker of the film. (must be all those 'When you care enough to send the very best--AKA mushy and will make you all sortsa sappy and teary' ads that Hallmark's famous for....)

"This is going to be bad, isn't it?"

Nahhhhhhhh.....it'll be GOOD!

Okay, so I shoulda brought a box of kleenex with me.

I didn't.

But I did hand him this Bunny Basket and told him to feel free to indulge in the chocolate, thinkin' that would help a tad.

I offered to stop the movie.

"I was just fine until the wifey bit."

Yep. I was fairing pretty well myself ....until the wifey bit. And then I lost it a couple times.

Mostly I lost it cuz of the lesson therein.

Love remains. What a wonderful truth, yaknow?

So we turned into a couple of mushbuckets, hugged a whole lot,danced a bit in the livingroom ......and I told him if he gets there first, if he doesn't mind--could he wait for me at the train despot so we could ride that steam train over and over and over again, together for as long as we want...please....?

Geeze, he cried when I asked...but he told me he'd be there, waiting....

He better be!!

With a BIG bag of popcorn and a realllllllly good cuppa coffee.

Betcha he dances with me in the dining car, too.

Conspiracy works!

Can I just say that I don't like headaches?
Well, too darn bad......I said it anyway!

Yes, I'm complaining.
Headaches interfere with my plans.
And it's humbling to be 'down for the count' two days in a row.

Thursday night, 8pm--sent home via a staff member holding my coat and a conspiracy of the children.
Well, one group of children. The other group, I'm sure, were watching and taking notes.

"We'll be doing study time as soon as Ms. Mel goes home."
Excuse me? LOL
The 'leader' of their group stood, clutching her schoolbooks with the rest of the crew behind her--one or two looking a bit unsure.....but ten of them looking quite 'sure'.
"She was just leaving........ Feel better, soon. Are you okay to drive?"
Yep, that was my coat the staff member had in hand....

Was that a joint conspiracy?
I wasn't quite up to finding out.
I left, made it home and started disrobing as I got into the house.....coat on floor, shoes in the middle of the hallway, mumbling about the stupid headache as I dropped the jacket and tossed myself into bed sideways.
Somewhere along the way I ended up with an ice pack--pretty sure himself saw to bringing it in.......

Geeze they're horrid things.
Headaches that is........AND children who think they can boss me around!
LOL Who do MORE than 'think' they can boss me around and DID!

...tail chewing 101.....

"If you're powerless over EVERYTHING then you're not responsible for anything...what ARE you in control of today?"

I lovvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvve direct questions like that.
NOT!

What I'm in control of today---me, my attitude, my actions.
Not HIM, not THEM, not HER--not THAT or THIS.
Me.


*sigh*
Doesn't stop me from wanting to be in charge of some outcomes in this life. And it certainly doesn't stop me from trying to manipulate to GET the outcomes I want.
Roll over and play dead? Do I strike you as the roll over and play dead TYPE?
Nah.
Ain't happening.

Can I control people?
Nope...but I can sure affect what they think/do/feel.
Am I guaranteed a result?
Nope......people can be a bit--wonky and squiggle sideways and do something I've simply not predicted. Now, sometimes that's good, sometimes that's NOT so good.
Can I control things, circumstances, turn of events?
Nope.....but I can sure affect what's happening by participating or not participating....sometimes.
Sometimes my participation in this and that means diddly squat.

Am I willing to play the odds to try to manipulate getting the results I want?
HECK yeah!!!!!

(wrong answer, Mel....)
This is where I get a "You just run that til the wheels fall off......."

*checking*
They're a bit wibble wobbley....it might work!

"It's like watching a dog chewing on it's own tail and barking from the pain."

LOL
Kinda feels that way, too!
"Keep doing whatcher doing, keep getting whatcher getting....."

How's come wisepersoninmylife doesn't MIND watching me dig holes and climbing into them?
I'D mind watchin' him do this!!

"I'm thinking reruns of Seinfeld would be more entertaining."

*sigh*
ME, TOO!!!!!!!
*grumbling*

This from a woman who doesn't even WATCH television!
Oy.

It's only April.

I knew there was a reason I didn't lug those big plastic tubs filled with winter clothing back down to the basement. At least I can now claim to be 'all knowing' instead of owning I'm a lazy person? LOL

It's snowing.
Yep.
Snow.

Now, granted, I oughta known--this is Iowa and the weather is messed up. And it is only April. (please note I'm trying to be a good sport about this)
Nevermind that I was excited enough to see anything green that I grabbed four primrose plants when the girl and I were out and about....which are sitting on the window ledge of in the kitchen. There'll be another warm day.
For today--I'm gonna rummage through those tubs and find something that'll be 'appropriate' for the weather.....apparently we're going to have a run of cold weather and spring-like clothing ain't gonna cut it.
*sigh*

It's only April.
It's only April.
It's ONLY April.

It won't always be like this.
Suntea.
Pinwheel straws.
Sidewalk chalk and a good book on the patio.......
It WON'T always be like this.

If I grumble here and now, I'll be good for the rest of the day.........errrr.....morning.......hour.....next ten minutes? LOLOL

Twice as simple.....

It may seem simplistic to blame our problems on how we ourselves think.
After all, others are participating in our lives too.

But only we have the power to interpret the experiences we're having. And we can decide to accept every experience as an opportunity for growth and adventure.

One simple, reflective TFTD

If there is anything we wish to change in the child, we should first examine it and see whether it is not something that could be better changed in ourselves.--Carl Jung

QOTW 4/2

How well do you cope with stress/what techniques do you use to cope with stress?

I'm not a big believer in 'stress'.

If and when I use the term, I know it's self created by moi......and I generally know what I need to do to take that overwhelmed feeling off my shoulders.

Coping with 'overload'.......... I do fairly well, thanks. I'm pretty good at keeping things where they need to be to remain sane. LOL Once in a while I'll kvetch about it cuz I'm rather fond of whining and carrying on--and then I do it anyways.

If I'm needing a break from the 'insanities'...... Adventures work well for that. Bubble baths, duckies that squirt, blowing bubbles, flying kites, colouring with sidewalk chalk, making stuffed animals 'talk', throwing socks in the middle of the livingroom floor...... Oh....and a big bowl of butter and salted popcorn!

Sound familiar? It's cuz I indulge in those things on a regular basis whether I'm on overload or not. Life's all about enjoying those little things ALL THE TIME..it takes care of the problem BEFORE it becomes a 'problem'.

It's Mel's Theory of Everything--g'head and steal it if you like.

I'm thinkin' I'll go terrorize the Brit now....maybe crawl up under that book he's reading and demand some 'ttention!! ;-)

I might get some 'overload' tomorrow and I wanna be prepared! LOL

Oops...missed the exit?

Yeah, well--missed exits are how adventures start, right?
And strange roads are when you have those "Oh LOOK.......a CHICKEN" moments. Ya know, moments when you holler "stopstopSTOP!!! LooklookLOOK!!!!!!"
Dunno how it works for you, but the Brit's extremely kindly about those 'CHICKEN!!' moments and will stop just as soon and as safely as he can.....most times.....

Yeah, well, today he almost didn't stop.

I think it was the:

"Oh LOOK......A TRICERATOP!!!!!!!"

Yeah, well--granted it sorta looked like a bunch of twisted metal in a pasture...... He needed to trust me on this one and he was having a bit of a time trusting that the twisted metal in the pasture was a triceratop.
It IS a triceratop!! It IS! It IS!!! Gosh......ANYONE can see it's a triceratop.......IN the pasture...
I whined and tried to get him to look closer.

Nah.....all he's seeing is metal in the pasture.
Silly fella.......

But now THIS fella---NO mistaking it. He doesn't resemble just any ol' twisted bunch of metal left to rust in some abandoned pasture!!

*chuckling smuggly* HA!!!

He turned the Jeep around.

(I knew he'd come around....he's such a good little fella...)

Waaahhhrrrrrr!!!!!! Dinosaurs in the pasture!!
How cool is THAT?!!

Complete with baby dinosaurs......

AND a terra.....terradact.......a FLYING dinosaur!! :-)

Whoda thunk? Dinosaurs IN the pasture.
How fun!!

*snickering*
Betcha next time I holler....even if it's "Oh LOOK.........a WOOLY MAMMOTH"..... that Jeep will stop, no questions asked!

*humming contentedly*

I stand at your gate
and the song that I sing is of moonlight.
I stand and I wait
for the touch of your hand in the June night.
The roses are sighing a Moonlight Serenade.
The stars are aglow and tonight how their light sets me dreaming.
My love, do you know that your eyes are like stars brightly beaming?
I bring you and sing you a Moonlight Serenade.

Let us stray till break of day
in love's valley of dreams.
Just you and I, a summer sky,
a heavenly breeze kissing the trees.

So don't let me wait,
come to me tenderly in the June night.
I stand at your gate
and I sing you a song in the moonlight,
a love song, my darling,
a Moonlight Serenade.

(g'head........and say it....LOL)

A walk in the park.....

Sometimes my brain convinces me that I have a good plan.
Sometimes I really DO have a good plan.

And sometimes... I get that 'feeling' in my gut when I 'know' it's a better plan to just 'shut up' and 'do what's in front of you'.

That's when I 'do it anyway'.

My 'do it anyway' moment today -- a walk in the park.

MY plan--stay in where it was warm and dry and get some closets cleaned. LOL

Ohhhhh...I do wish that every 'do it anyway' moment was just like today's......'a walk in the park'.
;-)

Sleeping with Bread

Gripe less.........

Now there's an idea.
It's not a NEW idea....but one I get to revisit again and again and again. It must be cuz I do soooooo love to a good whine.

Wisepersoninmylife is pretty implicit in those instructions. I get three turns at whining about something. Best I spend those three turns wisely! Cuz once those three turns are done, so is the whine--I get to turn them over to The Big Guy. In wisepersoninmylife's words "Life's too freaking short...."
I admit I've been known to snatch one or two (bazillion) back to have another go at it. Wisepersoninmylife is pretty good at reminding me of 'the rule'. Yeah, yeah.......LET GO.......
Life's too freaking short. Period.

Gripe less.

Definitely a good plan for my life.
Without the 'rule', I could be in big, BIG trouble.
Gripes for the week:

* Ummmmm........
(see.....can't come up with any....LOL)
* My back hurts? (probably from lifting that cement birdie bath I bought the girl into the back of her truck--she was sooooooooo happy!)
* Ummmmmm...... (lemme get back to this IF I can come up with somethin'.....and I'll hope that absolutely NOTHING comes into my brain cuz that's the way I REALLY enjoy living...)

SAY YES

Was a time that I had absolutely NO problem whatsoever saying "YES".
However......What I was saying yes TO............was a HUGE problem.

I needed to learn how to say 'NO'.
So I learned how to say "NO" quite effectively....only I was saying "NO" to just about everything under the sun. I learned to say NO sooooo well that I was saying "NO" to 'right' things.
"No. Pass. Uh uh. Thanks, but no thanks."
Anything that looked like it might mean a bit of 'uncomfortableness' in my ohhhh so nice comfy world..... "NO".
Wisepersoninmylife gave me something else to practice. *sigh* He's ALL about 'practice, practice, practice!!'.
"Yes, thankyou, I think I'd like to do that...."
Chair a meeting?
Show up for a social engagement?
Present to the Board of Directors?
Entertain people in MY kingdom........errrr.....my house?
"Yes, thankyou, I think I'd like to do that......"
Now a days, I'm practicing "Yes, thankyou, I think I'd like to HELP do that"....cuz I tend to take on tasks and forget to include/let others help me. (cuz "if you want things done right..."...yeah, well, you know how that saying goes....)

My SAY YES for the week:

* "Yes, thankyou, I think I'd like to HELP do that project for the agency that'll require a whole lot of man-hours to develop." (and it'll mean working with some folks who I don't necessarily see 'eye to eye' with......oy...what WAS I thinking?! More practice in being kindly--that musta been what I was thinking!)
* "Yes, thankyou, I think I'd like to be gracious and loving and kindly with the other, other boy who joined the girl and I for our luncheon date." And not only that, but I'd like to invite him to go shopping for flowers--which has been strictly 'girls day out' for the two of us FOREVER!!! (please note that it was a lovely day WITH the company of the other, other boy.....attitude IS everything)
* "Yes thankyou, I think I'd like to take that day off on Monday that I didn't ask for......." (more proof that I don't always know what's good for me--I haven't taken a day off for over a year unless it was a sick day)
* "Yes, thankyou, I'd like HELP packing up the rest of the winter clothing." (so what if it's NOT in the order/packed in just the way I think it oughta be packed?! Sheeeshhhh....I'm such a picky thing some times!)
* "Yes, thank you, I think I'd like to go out and about today in the cold and trounce about in the muddiness......" (MORE proof that I don't know what's good for me....I'da missed a fantastic morning in the park!!)

There's more.
I know there's a whole bunch more--and go figure, I've spent so much brainpower trying to come up with the YES moments........that the gripes are still vanished from my brain. Isn't it funny how that works.

I'd like to think the more important thing is that I laugh more, gripe less, ignore critics, say yes and love life MORE today than I ever have.
It makes for a wonderful day, every day.

Now.......that order dessert thingy.......pass! *blech!*
Got popcorn?
EVERYTHING is better with popcorn! ;-)