I worked outside in the 64 degree day....

And now I have a naked patio.

There's a few random leaves....and nothing else.

Gone--the patio swing....the table and chairs, the bitty folding table for the suntea that I won't be making more of for a while.

The hose is gone, the faucet covered for the winter.
The pots are all emptied and tucked away in the garage.
The flower garden trimmed back, emptied and covered.
The potted perenials, tucked away out of the elements.
The birdie bath--stuck away for the season.
The leaves are raked.
The feeders for the birdies, filled--the tray feeder moved for a sheltered place out of the snow.

The patio is naked.
I'm sad.

*sigh*

And I'm tired....

Right....

Ack.

The clock and my body don't agree.....

Ah well, it's a lovely morning for a walk--think I'll do that before I take off to do what I do.

*sigh*
Whose idea was this 'spring forward/fall back' anyway?

It was a dumb idea.

k...
Walk!

Today's Fairy Reading

Anger can be a healthy emotion, provided we don't wallow in it or attack other people. When we express anger honestly and without reservation, we can prevent walls of resentment from building up and blocking us off from the intimacy that we strive for in our relationships.

When we allow anger to fester in our heart, we surrender our peace of mind and lose our sense of purpose and self-worth. When we harbor anger rather than openly and respectfully expressing it, we no longer hear our inner spirit. Thus we are cut off from our innate wisdom to guide us in our actions.

We're often drawn to people who express their feelings honestly. This style of communicating serves as an invitation to build a relationship with them based on trust. From this trust we learn to open ourselves to others and we grow.

Age fenced

Are we havin' FUN yet?

Right.

The light for something being wrong is on in the Jeep.

The stupid dryer keeps goin' round and round and round when I open the door. THAT ain't suppose to happen.....

And it seems that the 'we cleared it and it got stopped up again' drain issue which we've done twice now is happening a third time......which could mean cutting down a tree and digging up a yard.

k....I'll stop at three cuz that's what I'm told 'troubles come in'.

But only cuz that's what I'm told.
Frankly, I have a freaking few more than the three I just listed.......

O
M
Gosh....

ANY time things want to turn in a different direction, that'd be okay with me......
I definitely need to make another pot of coffee.....that'll undoubtedly help.

Thought for the Day

Taking responsibility for our own attitudes, actions, and neglects is far more difficult than managing and directing other people's lives.

Giving advice to another, for example, is much easier that practicing what we preach. If we would apply our advice to our own lives, we would have less time to criticize, correct, or interfere in someone else's difficulties. Moreover, we would be amazed at how many alternatives we have within our own grasp that could solve, or at least alleviate, the problems in our lives.

TODAY - Let me realize I am far more positive and productive when I concentrate my efforts and thoughts on changing myself and my own actions. Give me the courage to act on my own internal wisdom.

Show me the Oscar

Himself said I looked very lovely. I don't know about that--geeze I hate that dress....
I guess that doesn't matter. I made it through the agency 'celebration' dinner. That matters.

It matters that I sat at a table with 15 of my staff and they all seemed to have a very nice time.

Did I leave two hours before the shindig ends--yup.
They'll have a grander time without me. I am the boss, afterall.....sorta puts a crunch on some things if I'm present.

Beside--I'm reminded that I have graduated to an 'elder' of some sort.
I didn't have a clue about the karaoke songs they were getting in to.
And I was called "ma'am" multiple times this evening.

"Ma'am".

Right.

I think I'll take my sorry old arse to bed and lament.

Beyond the fence

Fairy Wisdom

Sharing with another our fears of starting a new job, ending a relationship, getting into therapy, or even joining a social club will help us keep the fear in perspective. Fears that go undiscussed have a way of growing and overtaking our lives. In time we find that because of our shame about being afraid, we have isolated ourselves from the very people who can help us.

Perhaps the best gift I can give someone today is talking about something I fear.

Grazing Dusk

Yup

Another day, another meeting.

And a 'celebration' dinner tomorrow....after another meeting....

It's a command performance--I better hope for an Oscar winning performance....

*sigh*

Today's Fairy Reading

Taking a positive approach to life will bring many rich rewards. Yet forcing yourself to be positive is not the way to get there.
Forcing yourself to be positive is not being positive. Fighting against negativity is not being positive.

When you merely try to be positive, your focus is on the trying and not on any actual positive substance. The very act of trying to be positive is a clear sign that you're not.

Instead, allow yourself to be naturally positive by experiencing, in your mind or in your world, what you truly love. Let go of the striving and let love be.

If positive thinking is just another item on your list of things to do, it won't bring you any real value. Instead of making it a chore to be positive, just give it room and reason to easily and naturally grow within you.

Seek less judgment and feel more joy. Be naturally positive and authentically empowered.

November-ready

TFTD

Trying to control and change the people around us creates great problems in our relationships. When people we love are expressing themselves, we're thinking about what we wish they would say, and it blocks us from hearing clearly. A need for safety and for a guarantee that we won't be abandoned urges us to manipulate the people we love. We know we have innocent motives. We say we only want what is best and that we are only trying to protect ourselves or be helpful. But we hide from the effects our actions have on our relationships.

We seem to be more trapped in these self-centered behaviors with the ones we are closest to. We can change ourselves by slowly releasing our security grip on others. We can focus more on understanding what others are saying to us than on changing how they think and feel. Intimacy is clearly seeing each other and knowing the differences as well as the similarities. It requires that both people be allowed to walk on separate paths.

*fingers to keyboard moment*

I will make peace.
I don't like the circumstances.
I cannot continue to be at odds with others.
Others are not within my control.
I can wrestle with trying to control them--but it's effort wasted.
Some things I get to accept....this is one of them.

Acceptance doesn't mean approval or endorsement.
It simply is what it is.....and there's no changing it.

I don't get to do damage control.
I get to pick up pieces and decide for me in the interim.

But what I cannot do is what I've been doing.....becoming more and more resentful, more and more angry.
Some of that's to make it all more manageable--if I get angry I don't have to do overwhelmingly sad.
That line of thinking has alienated me from people I care about--that I believe care about me....somewhere in ME I do believe they care about me.
I know that's not a popular belief given what I'm getting to experience. All outward signs point to that not being true....and I do the battle of "this is NOT loving behavior--this is not a sign of it 'mattering'..."
I was challenged as to my foolishness to believe that, push come to shove, it was about PEOPLE and not about 'business'.
I'm foolish. I believe somewhere in all this, that's still true--despite how it feels and how it looks.

I've got to make peace with the people involved on 'that side' of the decision.
It's not their decision to make--they're carrying out 'the' decision.
I've got to make peace with the decision makers.
I do not see the bigger picture because this is too close to my heart. I know I'm blinded by that.

It doesn't feel loving.
It doesn't feel supportive.
It doesn't convey 'value' in people.

I don't get how it does.
Maybe it doesn't and I'm just grasping to make it make sense in terms/principles that I live by.
Maybe it doesn't FIT into the principles.....or maybe it does and I'm just too emotionally 'close' to see it.

Regardless.....I cannot afford to keep blackness in my heart.
I'm just not made that way any more.
If I opt to keep it, it's a choice NOT based on principles I live...and I become that which I question and do not respect.

I'll make peace.

Things that make me happy

....the bitty dragon that couldn't see his feet that said 'tickatict'. Oh he was sooooooo cute!

....brightly lit jack-o-lanterns.

....destroyed leaf piles. :-D

....the suprise visit from the rumpled 'waiting' fairy.

....brilliant sunsets I forget to take photos of.

....fluffy blankies on the patio.

....having NO left over candy! :-D

The 'waiting' fairy

'We'll just drop by on our way back from the airport.'

Uh huh..... We're out of the way. I'm thinking it was a 'touch base', loving thing to do...

We were visited by the rumpled, 'waiting' fairy....and her court of two.

The girl said the bug needed to spend the energy so she could get a decent nights sleep. LOL Seems there's been no routine for her OR her the past week--poor things.
The bug was a bundle of energy!
She was not.

Nana scrounged around for bits of leftover candies (NO foolin'--after 201 trick or treaters, I do mean scrounged!).
She was a happy fairy.
Bit rumpled.
Bit crabby......

All love!
Grandad was again smittened.
Nana was just happy!
This is a good thing.

I need more bug time......

Today's Fairy Reading

Change in ourselves is not about eliminating our personality. It aims at changing, accepting, working around, or transforming our negatives, and building on our positives. We all have assets; we only need to focus on them, empower them, and draw them out in ourselves.

Farmland Geometry

Another Reminder--

How easily our minds jump from the present to the foibles of the past or our fears about the future.
How seldom are our minds on this moment, and only this moment.

All we have of life, all that it can offer us is here, now. If we close our mind to the present, this present, we'll only continue to do so when the tomorrow we dream of now becomes the present. There are no tomorrows.