*ring ring*

Lub you.

Nana Nana Nana.

One tchew. One. One.

What.

Uhhuh... Uhhuh.....

Melmo!

Nana. Bug. Uhhuh. Uhhhhuhhhh...

Lub you.

Bye!



Yup--she called and this was our conversation.
She loves me. She can count to two.
She wanted a snack..... apple juice and cheese.

AND she had on Elmo jammies.

Then it was walking away from the phone, jabbering things, back to the phone--which she apparently kissed.....and then with a wave and a happy squeal--she was done.


THIS was our excitement on a Friday night! *laughing*

Another Day

Fairy Reading for the Day

Everything changes. Nothing stays the same. And letting go of the way things are, anticipating instead what they might become, frees us to live each moment more fully.

Time marches on, and our destiny marches with it. There is purpose in how our lives unfold; the ups and downs serve our growth. We must neither resent the doldrums nor savor too long the elation. Giving too much attention to either state interferes with our awareness of the present. And the present has come to teach us.

We must move with time. We must focus our attention on the moment and accept whatever feelings each experience elicits. Emotional maturity is accepting our feelings and letting them go and facing instead the next moment with fresh receptivity. Our lessons are many, and they accompany the lows as well as the highs. We can be grateful for both.

Sunkissed Shay

...nothing more than feelings.....

Well, they got the cooked spaghetti part right.....

Not sure about the... acting out, overeating, obsessing, staying in bed and hiding from the world, staring at the television every night until we pass out....
That hasn't been the deal yet.

Oh wait....maybe the acting out and wanting to stay in bed to hide from the world....
And the staff didn't suggest I spend that Flex money on an attitude adjustment and a lobotomy for purely the giggles.

I've been kinda unapproachable and edgy.
....edgy, irritable, and off-balance...

I know--the stupid reading fairy showed up with this junk for a reason.
If I get a bit squirmy I probably need to pay attention to the stupid reading fairy junk.

I just don't wanna.

....softening up my heart... *gak*


I don't like this FEELING jazz.
I never have.
I doubt I ever will.

Feelings. Oy.....


Oh gads.....do NOT tell me I'm going to go into the day with Barry Manilow stuck in my brain......

TFTD

Emotions can take a lot out of us. Feeling them, whether it's anger, fear, or sadness, can leave us exhausted and drained.

Not feeling our emotions, however, can keep us edgy, irritable, and off-balance. Not feeling our feelings for an extended time can drive us to acting out, whether that means overeating, obsessing, staying in bed and hiding from the world, or staring at the television every night until we pass out.

Be gentle with yourself. Don't force it. But don't run away from your feelings, either. You might feel like cooked spaghetti for a while, but what's really softening up is your heart.

Sunlit

Fairy Reminder

One of the most frustrating stages of acceptance is the bargaining stage. In denial, there is bliss. In anger, there is some sense of power. In barraging, we vacillate between believing there is something we can do to change things and realizing there isn't.

We may get our hopes up again and again, only to have them dashed.

Many of us have turned ourselves inside out to try to negotiate with reality. Some of us have done things that appear absurd, in retrospect, once we've achieved acceptance.

There is no substitute for accepting reality. That's our goal. But along the way, we may try to strike a deal. Recognizing our attempts at bargaining for what they are - part of the grief process - helps our lives become manageable.

One of 'those'....

I had one of 'em.
Troubles of my own making, I'm sure.
I'll medicate it away with french pressed coffee--


I think today was a good case of 'choose your attitude'.
Mel was piffy going into work, remained piffy at work....and dealt with piffy people until about 11am.

That's when I sent out a copy of the Flex Plan option to the staff--all staff.....afterall, I'm responsible to deliver the information. There was a flurry of emails from the HR gal with all the information you could possibly want...so I forwared one on!

Well......I thought I'd read it.....
And then the secretary emailed me and asked if I meant to send my personal account information to all of the staff...

Oh....umm.... Oops?

Yeah, well...that called for a hurried email:

"By now I'm assuming you all realized that I sent on my personal Flex Medical account information. Please be advised that since you now know I have near $900 left in my account, I will be relying on all of you to make sure it's utilized by the end of the calendar year. Thank you."

I was plagued with emails in response--well over 40 within the next hour, bless their hearts.

Some were kindly enough to send me GIANT print emails "SPEND THAT FLEX MONEY!!!!"--some reminded me of what that fund can be utilized for.
I did send them the email they were SUPPOSE to get in the first place--with all the forms attached....with a personal note from me:

"Thank you for the great response to my previous email regarding my Flex Medical account.....I appreciate the suggestions for *ahem* new glasses, brain surgery (lobotomy was NOT suggested, thankyouverymuch), and (not that you might have noticed and not that I'm convinced it's covered under medical expenses but I WILL look into it...) an attitude adjustment. I ...ummmm.......appreciate the creative solutions you've offered up.....mostly...sorta......kinda..... (Oh....and I have kept all emails as evidence of your geninue love and affection for me as your manager....no worries that I'll forget, folks....)"

I'm definitely considering the idea of purchasing a lifetime supply of Snoopy Bandaids. :-/

I have very smart staff working with me!

Harvest dust sunset

Ummmmmm....

Yeah.
Seriously.

This is my crisis.
Stealing it isn't helpful.
Borrowing it isn't cool.
MINE.

*sigh*

It forces me to be the voice of reason, dangitall.
I don't wanna be the voice of reason.....

He just needs to go to Chicago for the model show and give me some solo crisis time.

Yup.

I'll help him pack.

Today's Reading

The universal human yearning (is) for something permanent, enduring, without shadow of change.
—Willa Cather

The specter of change builds dread in most of us. We fear the effects on our personal lives. We lack faith that the impending change will benefit us. Only time can assure us of that. And it will, just as every change we've survived up to now has done.

Changes are gifts, really. They come as hallmarks to our present attainments. They signify successful growth. And they announce our readiness for more growth. How we struggle to understand this, and how quickly we forget it once we have adapted to the change. The struggle is then repeated the next time change visits us.

We long for permanence, believing it guarantees security, not realizing the only real security available to us come with our trust that all change comes as a blessing on the growth we've attained. If we were to experience total lack of change, we'd find death. Life is challenge, continued change, always endurable and growth enhancing. We can reflect on what's gone before, and trust that which faces us now.

Change means I am progressing, on course.

Quilt Barn #5

Things that make me happy

....stir fry made with loads of fresh veggies. Yummm...

....fall wreaths that glow with orange and gold lights.

....brilliant sunsets that fill the whole sky.

....the punkin cup with the happy face.

....a phone call with the bug.

....solitude.

....discovering a toy that got put in a wrong place. TOY!!! :-)

Today's Fairy Thought

Persons who habitually drink water become just as good gourmets about water as wine drinkers on wine.
--Alexandre Dumas

How fortunate are those among us who have the ability to turn things around - to transform liabilities into assets. Life deals them lemons: they make lemonade, lemon pie, candied lemon peel. They seem to be able to assess the needs of the moment accurately and turn them to advantage.

We are all different. Success in life probably has more to do with expressing our uniqueness fully than with suppressing it and trying to resemble everybody else. Who is "everybody else," anyway?

We can't respond authentically to the moment if we're concealing the truth. The truth for us involves our own unique package of qualities, our own experience and energy, our own way of looking at things. Freedom, for us, depends on the choices only we can make. The proper appreciation of water is a pleasure that demands discipline. We're totally unable to experience this pleasure if we are wishing for wine.

Human beings share many characteristics. One of the most important is difference. Today I will cherish these differences as one of the bonds that joins me to others.

Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff.

When you're stuck, you're stuck.
And if you're me--when you're stuck you're REALLY stuck.
And I'm stuck.

If I look at this week to when I felt the most and least connected....to people, to mission, to purpose..to life and living it full tilt boogie--

I'm stuck.

I know the most connected I felt was when I was on the unit with the kiddos. The rest of the world went *poof* and I was just doing what came to me, what I felt in my heart, what I knew to be 'right and good and true'. Effortless stuff. And I was free while I was there, doing what I do....what I have loved doing for 30 some years. It's effortless to me. Some of my folks struggle with how to meet a dilema a child/ family is having....and really, it's effortless.
I don't see things as they do. I don't have some of the barriers they experience. Everything in my life goes away and I'm in the moment, dealing with whatever's in front of me...helping another human being and taking my direction from another 'spot' inside ME that just knows.
I feel good--it's the connectedness to purpose and mission and G-d.

And then I step outside of the door and I grab it all back.
I get sad.
I get angry.
I even come close to getting resentful--which I absolutely cannot afford. I just can't...

At the suggestion of WPIML I made peace with the boss last week.
WPIML asked me if I was satisfied with the results of that meeting with the boss.
No. I am not satisfied. But interpersonally, I'm at peace with the boss. I know his heart. I trust his heart. I know he cannot stop what is inevitable. I know he hurts as I do.
I'm at peace in the relationship.
I know he cares about my life and the lives of the staff and kiddos and families that we work with.
I'm not satisfied with the circumstances....but I am at peace interpersonally with the boss that is more than a boss to me.

Am I resentful--close. I'm angry but not retalitory.
I'm sad but not destructive.
I'm where I am--I'd guess I'm grieving.

Connectedness happens when I listen to what G-d's put in ME that recognizes what needs done to help others.
Disconnectedness happens when I seemingly focus on the feelings....my own, my feelings for others--when there's nothing I can do with them but feel them.



It's that helplessness that envelops me when it's the arms of G-d that I need to give way to hold me.

The last turnings

Fairy Dust

When you do all the talking you only learn what you already know.
--Anonymous

I worked outside in the 64 degree day....

And now I have a naked patio.

There's a few random leaves....and nothing else.

Gone--the patio swing....the table and chairs, the bitty folding table for the suntea that I won't be making more of for a while.

The hose is gone, the faucet covered for the winter.
The pots are all emptied and tucked away in the garage.
The flower garden trimmed back, emptied and covered.
The potted perenials, tucked away out of the elements.
The birdie bath--stuck away for the season.
The leaves are raked.
The feeders for the birdies, filled--the tray feeder moved for a sheltered place out of the snow.

The patio is naked.
I'm sad.

*sigh*

And I'm tired....

Right....

Ack.

The clock and my body don't agree.....

Ah well, it's a lovely morning for a walk--think I'll do that before I take off to do what I do.

*sigh*
Whose idea was this 'spring forward/fall back' anyway?

It was a dumb idea.

k...
Walk!