Sunday, November 11, 2012
Sleeping With Bread
It's times of great responsibility (personally and professionally) that I can borrow troubles and become overwhelmed.
I've done that multiple times during the course of the week.
I've reeled in silence, not allowing others to be present for me, not bothering to share the troubles and, of course, allowing them to multiply in my brain.
It's like that list of 'to do's' that seems endless--until it's out of my head and on to paper, it 'appears' never ending and un-doable. And then, when I remember to do what's been taught to me, I sort it out on paper and really SEE what's in front of me. Those things--I can do. I don't need to be paralyzed by what my mind makes it into.
Yes, I have a magical, magnifying mind. Go figure!
And then, after muddling through the moments and tackling the responsibilities that are doable (duh ME!!), I find a bit of breathing room....bit of peace and an abundance of great joy. And truly, when I stop and look--I've had those amazing things dropped into my lap time and time again during the 'mess' that I created for myself.
Life, and the people that get thrown in my path, are pretty amazing.
--The gent that reminded me that if I was gonna worry, why bother with praying?! LOL He had a terrific point! And he made me laugh, which was sorely needed at that moment in time.
--The cuppa coffee I got handed as I walked into a meeting. Five scoops, TOTALLY toxic and JUST how I liked it. And they labled the pot just for me. ;-)
--The magic moment when a house opened up for a family that was without, JUST in the nick of time.
--The runaway moment filled with the awesome beauty that was opened up to me--colours and light and awesome moments that I darn near cheated myself out of.
--The giggles and laughs and joy from kite flying.....in November....cuz we could!
--The HUGE marshmallow I put in my cuppa hot cocoa. LOL
It's all good.
The world is an amazing place, filled with amazing people.
And I'm graced.
*laughing* It's raining.
And I'm gonna go splash in puddles!
TFTD
When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but really loves you, then you become real.
--Margery Wilson
Intimacy with another is a necessary risk if we're to know love. This means loving enough to let someone in on our most hidden parts, daring to share the awful truths about ourselves. When we hold a dreaded memory within, or fail to disclose our darkest secret, we're haunted by the fear that another's love is both conditional and long gone if the truth about us is revealed.
Though seldom remembered, one of the greatest tributes we can give one another is full expression of who we were, who we are, and who we hope to become. During any single moment, we are a composite of feelings, memories, and projections. Our reality is many faceted, and being intimate requires that we enrich each other's lives with the full expression of ourselves.
Being real is courageous; it takes a decision and practice, and it is demanded if we're to know love.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Today's Thought is mine
I played hooky yesterday--grabbed the camera, got in the car and went.
Just like any other workday.....'Cept I turned the car at a different corner and kept going.
It was okay......the boss had told me to take the day and I'd hemmed and hawed, too much to do (which has turned into the norm).'Take the day' he said after I told him how I'd spent the week and weekend prior. I'm not very good at just walking the other direction, even when I have 'permission'.
So, camera in tow, I headed down the little county road--I can't tell you how many times I pulled off, pulled over and just plain stopped--I pushed the button, capturing snippets of the morning 'runaway'. I didn't have a destination--it just got 'created' for me as I went.
Sunrise, misty blankets, barns awakening, cemetery tucked into the hills, eagles watching and wondering who that crazy lady was--rivers, tressels, cows having breakfast.... the bridge, the view from the top--the wander around the bottom. Pine cones at the tips of the fir trees, longhorn steers taking their morning nap.
And there was the discovery of places I hadn't wandered and amazement--'specially at the frog that let me wander just inches from him--who couldn't be bothered to leap.......just as the memory card registered as filled.
Somethings aren't meant to be captured.
So many weren't.
The camera's emptied now.
(And no, I didn't turn my camera to the 'sepia' function--that's was the colour of sunrise on the field yesterday. I can't be bothered to switch buttons and dials on the camera--there's too much to see around me. I might miss something!)
But that runaway moment left me settled--in awe.......humbled that I saw the extraordinary every where I turned, every road I took.
Just like any other workday.....'Cept I turned the car at a different corner and kept going.
It was okay......the boss had told me to take the day and I'd hemmed and hawed, too much to do (which has turned into the norm).'Take the day' he said after I told him how I'd spent the week and weekend prior. I'm not very good at just walking the other direction, even when I have 'permission'.
So, camera in tow, I headed down the little county road--I can't tell you how many times I pulled off, pulled over and just plain stopped--I pushed the button, capturing snippets of the morning 'runaway'. I didn't have a destination--it just got 'created' for me as I went.
Sunrise, misty blankets, barns awakening, cemetery tucked into the hills, eagles watching and wondering who that crazy lady was--rivers, tressels, cows having breakfast.... the bridge, the view from the top--the wander around the bottom. Pine cones at the tips of the fir trees, longhorn steers taking their morning nap.
And there was the discovery of places I hadn't wandered and amazement--'specially at the frog that let me wander just inches from him--who couldn't be bothered to leap.......just as the memory card registered as filled.
Somethings aren't meant to be captured.
So many weren't.
The camera's emptied now.
(And no, I didn't turn my camera to the 'sepia' function--that's was the colour of sunrise on the field yesterday. I can't be bothered to switch buttons and dials on the camera--there's too much to see around me. I might miss something!)
But that runaway moment left me settled--in awe.......humbled that I saw the extraordinary every where I turned, every road I took.
Fairy Diddy
One of life's most fulfilling moments occurs in the split-second when the familiar is suddenly transformed into the dazzling aura of the profoundly new.
Friday, November 09, 2012
Fairy Reminder
When one thing goes wrong, then another and another, it seems to you that you’re having a bad day. Keep in mind, however, that it’s just your perception.
Instead of judging the day to be a bad one, take action to make a positive difference. Instead of using your energy to build and maintain a negative perception, put that energy into creating positive results.
You are stronger and much more capable than any random negative pattern that may have befallen you. With determination and effective action, break free.
Although life is filled with great challenge, the world is not against you. Even when one disappointment is followed by another and another, you are not having a bad day.
You are living through a day that is filled with countless possibilities. And you can act right now to bring the very best of those possibilities to life.
Thursday, November 08, 2012
Fairy Reading
The big, urgent problems get your attention, as well they should. Because they are so serious, you’ll naturally take them seriously and quickly do something about them.
The smaller, nagging, everyday problems don’t have that same sense of urgency. They don’t usually grab your attention and demand to be solved.
Yet those little problems can wear you down over time. They seem almost too trivial to do anything about, so you can be tempted to just let them continue draining your energy and resources, day after day.
Fortunately, the little problems don’t take much effort to solve. It’s mostly just a matter of taking them seriously and taking the time to do it.
If there’s some little problem that’s been nagging you and slowly draining you, now is a great time to do something about it. Free yourself, one by one, from the little problems, and it can make a big positive difference in your life.
Wednesday, November 07, 2012
Midweek madness.....fingers to keyboard moment!
Every once in a while I 'allow' myself a bit of self indulgence.
Trust me when I own that's not a good thing........
I got angry.
A 'wake up at 3am' angry--when something I'd tolerated, in practice of 'love and tolerance is our code', resurfaced.
Maybe I didn't need to tolerate that.
People can feel what they feel, and have their opinions. I can honour those and respect those. But I don't have to respect what I don't respect. And I didn't respect a comment about a child's obligation to their parent as the parent aged. Not in reference to their child.....but in reference to the (grown) children in my life.
Yup.......'wake up at 3am' angry....... And it wasn't the 'aged' remark either........
I don't have some of those values and beliefs that others have.
I just wasn't raised that way. I learned some core values long after I probably needed to--from strangers.
I didn't come from a 'traditional' family.
I wasn't surrounded by cousins and aunts and uncles and relatives up the whazoo.
It was me and an alcoholic father.
My mother died when I was very young.
The other kids were scattered here and there, making their choices to cut bait and run cuz that's what they needed to do for THEM.
I remained.
I wasn't a part of a 'family' in the traditional sense. There wasn't family involvement--there was family displacement.
Siblings were people 'over there' who might find their way back on a holiday........or might not......
Move into the next generation with a divorce, it was one parent here and one parent there.......bouncing back and forth until the 'lit and staying' happened, and that's the family history. The other parent was alienated from family for reasons--and there weren't family members TO attach to. By then the only thing that might have resembled a grandparent had died......
Me.
Kids.
The end.
I don't know what a 'traditional' family unit FEELS like. I don't know how a traditional family unit deals with aging parents--not experientially.
Toss in my own battles with health and the lurking truth that at three different points I was told to get my affairs in order cuz I wasn't going to be on the planet--and you have an adult who doesn't KNOW what a traditional family unit does in those circumstances either. All you know is there are kids that don't need to be focused on that or responsible to be something they're not. I'm sure I complicated that in my own brain by not wanting them to assume responsibilities *I* had to assume as a child (even if the disease was different).
I didn't see the kiddos in my life needing to assume any 'obligation' to me in my illness nor do I see that needing to occur in my 'old age'.
Sorry.
I just don't.
That's not how I function and it's not how I raised them.
Coming from what I came from--and honouring where they'd come from with the back and forth and the uncertainty and the having to tend to themselves while in the care of the OTHER parent.......my job was to parent them, teach them, point them in right directions....and get the heck out of their way so they could be functional, productive, loving human beings. The end.
THE end.
But their 'obligation' to me?
Yeah......notsomuch gonna happen.
I did things out of 'obligation' for a very long time, in a very dysfunctional family unit (scattered and screwed up as we all were).....and it took me forever to step back from that and do what was right and good and loving. Maybe I'm hypersensitive and overly aware of the power of 'obligation'.......and I don't see it as a 'good' thing. It didn't play out so good in my life.
I'm just the parent. They're not 'mine'. They're G-d's kiddos. I got to love 'em and raise 'em and teach 'em and get the heck out of their way. And I get the privilege to still be involved.
If there's more and I'm missing it.......and it's a bit late in the gig now!
I don't see 'obligated' as a 'good' thing.
We do things in love and out of love.
Yup--gonna haffta go back and 'make right' when I tolerated what another assumed was 'right' for me--cuz it's not.
I do NOT like spinning over something at 3am.............
Trust me when I own that's not a good thing........
I got angry.
A 'wake up at 3am' angry--when something I'd tolerated, in practice of 'love and tolerance is our code', resurfaced.
Maybe I didn't need to tolerate that.
People can feel what they feel, and have their opinions. I can honour those and respect those. But I don't have to respect what I don't respect. And I didn't respect a comment about a child's obligation to their parent as the parent aged. Not in reference to their child.....but in reference to the (grown) children in my life.
Yup.......'wake up at 3am' angry....... And it wasn't the 'aged' remark either........
I don't have some of those values and beliefs that others have.
I just wasn't raised that way. I learned some core values long after I probably needed to--from strangers.
I didn't come from a 'traditional' family.
I wasn't surrounded by cousins and aunts and uncles and relatives up the whazoo.
It was me and an alcoholic father.
My mother died when I was very young.
The other kids were scattered here and there, making their choices to cut bait and run cuz that's what they needed to do for THEM.
I remained.
I wasn't a part of a 'family' in the traditional sense. There wasn't family involvement--there was family displacement.
Siblings were people 'over there' who might find their way back on a holiday........or might not......
Move into the next generation with a divorce, it was one parent here and one parent there.......bouncing back and forth until the 'lit and staying' happened, and that's the family history. The other parent was alienated from family for reasons--and there weren't family members TO attach to. By then the only thing that might have resembled a grandparent had died......
Me.
Kids.
The end.
I don't know what a 'traditional' family unit FEELS like. I don't know how a traditional family unit deals with aging parents--not experientially.
Toss in my own battles with health and the lurking truth that at three different points I was told to get my affairs in order cuz I wasn't going to be on the planet--and you have an adult who doesn't KNOW what a traditional family unit does in those circumstances either. All you know is there are kids that don't need to be focused on that or responsible to be something they're not. I'm sure I complicated that in my own brain by not wanting them to assume responsibilities *I* had to assume as a child (even if the disease was different).
I didn't see the kiddos in my life needing to assume any 'obligation' to me in my illness nor do I see that needing to occur in my 'old age'.
Sorry.
I just don't.
That's not how I function and it's not how I raised them.
Coming from what I came from--and honouring where they'd come from with the back and forth and the uncertainty and the having to tend to themselves while in the care of the OTHER parent.......my job was to parent them, teach them, point them in right directions....and get the heck out of their way so they could be functional, productive, loving human beings. The end.
THE end.
But their 'obligation' to me?
Yeah......notsomuch gonna happen.
I did things out of 'obligation' for a very long time, in a very dysfunctional family unit (scattered and screwed up as we all were).....and it took me forever to step back from that and do what was right and good and loving. Maybe I'm hypersensitive and overly aware of the power of 'obligation'.......and I don't see it as a 'good' thing. It didn't play out so good in my life.
I'm just the parent. They're not 'mine'. They're G-d's kiddos. I got to love 'em and raise 'em and teach 'em and get the heck out of their way. And I get the privilege to still be involved.
If there's more and I'm missing it.......and it's a bit late in the gig now!
I don't see 'obligated' as a 'good' thing.
We do things in love and out of love.
Yup--gonna haffta go back and 'make right' when I tolerated what another assumed was 'right' for me--cuz it's not.
I do NOT like spinning over something at 3am.............
Dust
Today, you have the good fortune to play a positive and active role in your own life. Fulfill that role with joy, gratitude, compassion, persistence and love.
The opportunity of this day has already been delivered to you. Graciously accept and embrace it, and make it into something magnificent.
Tuesday, November 06, 2012
Things that make me happy....
....rediscovering the funny penguin mug.
....a newly dusted bedroom.
....finding a new use for the hawk feathers I found.
....baby cows.
....the 10 holiday cards I have made already!
....the end of the month stuff ending! Wooohoo!
....OH!! And kaleidoscopes. :-)
Today's Reading
You can feel whatever way you choose to feel, so choose to feel good. Feel good about yourself, your world, your possibilities and your life.
You don’t have to ignore or deny the difficult realities in order to feel good. You can be fully aware and involved with life’s realities and still choose to feel good.
You can endure pain and disappointment and still choose to feel good. For there is a beautiful part of you that can always rise above the most painful and burdensome difficulties.
Monday, November 05, 2012
Cultural Diversity
Yup--it's Guy Fawkes night.
"Remember, Remember the 5th of November....yadda yadda yadda"
He-who-celebrated-for-eons seemed to think it would be good to celebrate. "After all--you celebrate St. Patrick's Day. And you honour Martin Luther King's Day, yes?"
Yep--that we do!!
I did talk him into downsizing the celebration.
I lit the sparkler and he pranced around on the patio quoting some poem.
THANK GOODNESS I talked him down from the bonfire (complete with the effigy) in the front corner of the yard with various fireworks.
I was pretty sure we'da made the paper for that one.....questionable on the jail time.......
QOTW
What foods don't you eat and why?
The list goes on and on and on and on!
And I say I'm not a picky eater. *laughing*
I don't eat any product that contains wheat, rye, barley or malt.......or any byproduct of the aforementioned.
Which means.....I drool over pasta's and breads but don't touch or consume.
Not by choice, mind you. By diagnosis--after about 2 years of wondering what in the world was wrong with me.
I eat beef in small quantities when I have to. Chicken and turkey--I eat. I eat some fish.....rarely.
That means the rest of the 'stuff'.......I don't eat. Some is the result of being raised in a Jewish home--most of it is I just don't like meats! *shudder*
What's that leave? LOL
Fruits and veggies and milk products.
I eat most of those.
'Cept there's a few I won't eat cuz of the slime or moosh factor.
And some just taste ucky.
And oh......I have this thing about texture and consistency.
.....And food touching that oughta not ever be touching, ever never ever!
Right.
I just want to say one more time--I am NOT a picky eater.
I'm an......uncomplicated, SIMPLE eater.
Pfffffffffffffft!!
TFTD
How ugly and wrong it makes us feel to be different: to be tall when others are short, slow when others are fast, black when others are white.
The miracle, and paradox, is that everyone is different - and that is what makes us all the same.
When we think honestly about the people we admire - friends, sports heroes, actors, musicians, parents, teachers, employers - we know that all of them, as human beings, not heroes, have felt out of place in their lives, probably many times.
Believing we are alone or different cuts us off from others. Climbing over that protective wall of "differentness" is scary, but it is guaranteed to set us free.
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