Reading for Today

The purpose of learning is growth, and our minds, unlike our bodies, can continue growing as we continue to live. --Mortimer Adler

In some areas of our lives we are right on target. Our level of maturity is exactly as it should be, and we are going through the stages that people of our age ought to be going through. In other areas, this is not so. We are complex people, irregular, uneven. In all of us there are areas fixated in some emotional ice age, areas that have not felt the freeing warmth of the sun.  We cannot expect ourselves to move forward all at once.

Not only is it okay to move slowly it's often the only way it can be. Confusion, conflict, or pain may have caused us to let our memories or feelings be frozen safely away. This has been a long process, and we can allow ourselves more time to heal. The task now is not to deny or hide from these changes, but to have confidence that the healing warmth of the people who care about us will reflect on all areas of our lives and help make us whole.  I am thankful I am given both time and patience in which to continue my growth.

Taking stock......

I'm tired--and grateful.

We had the girl, the other other boy and the bug for the holiday.....which meant that we had hordes of people for the parade.  Oh, and it was such a great day for a parade!  Oh, and the activities were perfect for the kiddos--bouncy things to play on and a rock climbing wall (which gives Nana's heart palpitations as their 5 year olds attempt to climb it).  There was live music and a beer tent set further away on the fairgrounds--which was good.

Great time.....followed up by a busy Saturday followed by a fairly calm (but housework/garden work focused) Sunday.

And now I'll get ready to head back into the work week.
At that place 'over there'.....in the administrative services department, cuz that's now where I'm 'assigned' to.

I don't think it's a resentment.  I'm not angry about it.  I'm clear that it could have been an entirely different situation I could be dealing with.  It's just.......different.  I'm not sure I dislike it--but I'm not sure I like it, either.
It just is what it is.

Monday I'll review the three data reports I submitted to the boss for review before they get sent off to the state for approval or rejection.
I'm hoping for approval again.
And I'll tend to some weekly reports that I set up a system and report for.
And I'll, once again, be the person who keeps track of contracted services actually happening.  Go figure people lose sight of those 'we promised to deliver' things.  As a manager, I didn't lose sight of them.
But I realize that was one of my strengths--which is why I'm where I am, today.
I kinda LIKE developing systems for accountability.
But I like knowing there IS accountability--I rely on it.
I don't like being the bad guy when other folks aren't being responsible, but I get to be  I'm sure they don't like having to answer to me.

It'll be okay.  I'll continue to grow and discover holes in the system (or lack OF a system).  And I'll continue to do what I'm asked to do.  So far it's not killed me.

Has cost an abundance in travel.  Holy cow the price of gasoline is stupid.

Independence Day for Five

Reminder for Today

Listening well  

Learning to really listen to another human being - beyond just his or her words - is critical to good communication. Valuable exchanges between human beings can occur only when each listens carefully to the other and tries sincerely to understand the other person's meaning. Much anger and frustration with others could be avoided if we truly understood one another.  Constant thoughts running through our minds is a form of talking, and we can't listen to another (including our Higher Power) if we are still talking.  Do I really listen?  

Daily Reading

Each day is different and has a surprise in it, like a Cracker Jack box. --Alpha English  

It's interesting to ponder the notion of surprise. Not every one of them is all that welcome. Hearing bad news about a friend or having a special trip we'd been counting on canceled can leave us dismayed and worried, right along with surprised. 

Seeking solace from others while cultivating a willingness to accept that all things happen for a reason gives us the armor we need to make the best of every situation and disappointment.  It's an interesting image to think of each day as a box of Cracker Jacks. 

The moments of our lives have been very tasty. Some were sweet, some were a bit salty, and there were always wholly unexpected moments, the surprises that we were ready for even though we may not have imagined as much. We can look forward to the same daily agenda throughout the remaining years.  

Does it help to know that there is a divine plan unfolding in our lives? Many of us find comfort in that. All of us can cultivate that belief.  

Watching Fireworks

Independence Day

The lawn got mowed and trimmed.  I even sprayed for mosquitos and other pesty bugs.  They're thick right now, thriving from the rain and flooding.
I got trimming done and I blew off the remains of Monday's storm from the patio.

I've saved the birdie feeding for my little helper, I'm sure Mr. Cardinal understands.

There's all sorts of fun things for the kiddos going on at the fairgrounds--oh, and beer tents and entertainment and food stands, too.  Pretty sure we'll be going for the fun things for The Bug.  That's after she takes care of feeding the birdies and over-watering flowers.  LOL Somehow flowers always need more to drink when she's being the helper.

We've got tons of food for grilling and munching.
This, because I frowned at himself who loves grocery stores and asked if he forgot the girl, the other other boy and the Bug were coming for the day AND staying the night.
Seriously--eight hamburger buns?  One package of hotdogs.....
One bag of chips?  No dip.
No marshmallows.
NO marshmallows?!?!  THAT did it!!
k.....obviously he was going from last year when folks sticking around was limited because of my (still!) broken-ness.  (Gotta love crutches!)  We weren't exactly in the position to be entertaining all day/night for the usual crowd that drops in for the 4th activities.  And we weren't going to see any kind of show that happened after the lights went out.

But that was last year and while I'm unsure about my ability to walk uneven terrain in the dark, I'm PRETTY sure NO MARSHMALLOWS is a sin of some sort.
Probably that 8th deadly sin that's so heinous that no one talks about it.
Uh huh..... WE talked about it.
k......I collapsed on the couch sobbing and himself decided MAYBE a second trip to the grocery store was in order.

Oh, but we have MARSHMALLOWS.
And an abundance of other 'stuff' for today that can be munched on and snacked on and grilled and slapped together on a bun for 'eat and wander' purposes.
NOW we're ready for today.
OH...and we have BUBBLES!!!  Ohhhhhhh....and HUGE sparklers thingies!
AND we have MARSHMALLOWS.
(worthy of noting twice)

TFTD

Grief may be a pathway to our deepest connections.

People often say, "I don't want to burden you with my troubles, you have enough to worry about." Yet sharing our troubles with our partner or close friends lightens our burden and restores our balance. Telling someone our experiences and how we feel about them helps us find and create the meaning that lurks behind them, even though they at first seem only crazy and random. Sharing with others pulls us out of isolation and brings our friends and mate into the circle of our lives.

We may be surprised to feel the knots in our stomachs loosen when we tell our stories and recount our worries or grief. Grief may make us feel more alone than anything. But it may also be a pathway for our deepest connection with each other. When we reach out and talk with our friends or mate, we break down the wall of isolation and build bridges that connect us.

Fairy Diddy

The cut worm forgives the plow. --William Blake  

Would anyone believe that rain abuses grass, or accuse roots, hungry for a better hold on life, of digging too far into earth's flesh? Look closely at the small world of busy life overturned in the garden each spring. No ant there curses another bug, and no worm curses itself. Though they can neither speak nor think, even small creatures know enough to accept their pain as a natural part of life.  

Why, then, should we waste time blaming others, or ourselves, for the natural sensations of life?  In the process of new growth, can we expect no pain?

Can you say "too darn cute"?

Fairy Reading for Today

Intuition is a spiritual faculty and does not explain, but simply points the way. --Florence Scovel Shinn 

 Should we make this move? Should we change jobs? Should we talk to others about our feelings? We are seldom short on prayers when we're filled with fear and indecision. We are, however, short on answers. Our worries block them out.  No prayer ever goes unanswered. Of this we can be certain. On the other hand, the answer may not be what we'd hoped for. In fact, we may not have recognized it as the answer because we were expecting something quite different. 

It takes willingness on our part to be free of our preconceptions--free to accept whatever answers are offered.  Our answers come unexpectedly, a chance meeting on the street, a passage in a book or newspaper, a nagging feeling within. God speaks to each of us throughout the day. Our prayers are answered, our problems find solutions, our worries are eased, if we but attune ourselves to the messages. They are all around.  I will be attentive to all the signs from God today. Whatever answer I seek is finding its way to me. 

His-biscus

The wrong right

I had a choice at the four way stop....go left, go right or go straight.  I could see the storm over my shoulder.  Three layers of deepening grays, one layer that ugly sort of grey green that you know means bad things.  The radio blared out the weather alert just as I made the decision and durned on the blinker.  I turned right and headed for home.
Brilliant, brave, tough girl....gonna outrun the storm that had just warranted the tornado sirens.

We just got internet back.  This morning we had power....the rural homes did not.  This afternoon....at some point, cellphones began working.

Yes, we're flooded.
Yes, it looks like a bomb site.
Yes, G-d took good care of me and I pulled into the garage just minutes before the rolling wall with three layers of power turned into a destructive force to be reckoned with.
We're contending with it, still.
Yes, it could have been worse.  The grain elevator's silo could have got ripped in the other direction and flattened the structure with people in it that were taking shelter.  The houses with ripped off roofs could have resulted in deaths had there not been a basement to take shelter in.
The multitude of snapped limbs, uprooted trees, downed powerlines and snapped power poles.....so many tragedies didn't happen.
That decision to outdrive that storm could have been devastating.

The sound of chainsaws seems unending.

The water is already receeding here.
The debris will be cleared up.

And tonight there were lightening bugs.
And there's a big 4th of July parade to put on.  And of course there's the fireworks.

And I need to remember to buy a watermelon for the doings.

Life goes on.

Fairy Reminder

There are many ways of breaking a heart. Stories were full of hearts broken by love, but what really broke a heart was taking away its dream - whatever that dream might be. --Pearl S. Buck  

No new door is opened without the inner urge for growth. Dreams guide us, encourage us, stretch us to new heights - and leave us momentarily empty when they are dashed.  Recovery has given us resilience and a multitude of reasons for living. We have come to understand that when one dream serves us no longer, it is making way for an even better one. Our dreams are our teachers. When the student is ready, a new one comes into focus. 

 Dreams in our earlier years often came to naught. They couldn't compete for our attention as effectively as the self-pity. The direction they offered was lost. Each day that we look forward with positive anticipation, we put the wreckage of the past farther from our minds.  

Our dreams are like the rest areas on a cross-country trip. They refresh us, help us to gauge the distance we've come, and give us a chance to consider our destination.  Today's dreams and experiences are points on the road map of my life. I won't let them pass unnoticed.

Daily Reading

In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on. -- Robert Frost  

If we've ever dug in a garden and unearthed an ants' nest, we can recall their first reaction to our unintended destruction: they do everything possible to save their lives and supplies. The ants scurry around, moving the larvae to an underground room. Exposed contents are then relocated to unseen passages. In a matter of minutes, the ants are again safely underground and ready to resume their daily routines.

  How do we react when some catastrophe or unplanned event occurs? Do we want to crawl under a rock or are we as resilient as the ants? Instead of moaning over postponed plans or the loss of something in our lives, we can try to be like the ants and learn how to best work with circumstances that come our way.  

Life doesn't stop for us to lick wounds or add fuel to grievances. Hours pass, we grow older, nature continues. Every event is part of life's cycle. We can't run away from anything. We must meet life head-on and adjust to its ebb and flow.  I can look at an unplanned event in my life as part of life's cycle. I need to trust that life will go on.

Wisdom On Wheels

".......good fortune."

"How we define "good fortune" is a significant indicator of one's attitude."

Boy, that got my attention this morning---and not in a bad way.
I had a 'there by for the grace of G-d, go I' moment when I read that.  I don't remember my age, or the circumstances--but I remember I'd 'graduated' treatment for the 4th time and thought I knew better than anyone who was trying to help me.

I was young, I was cocky--and I thought going out with anyone in the program was a spiffy idea.  Of course the rooms are filled with 'sick' people....including me.  We go there because we are 'sick'--spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically.  And the slogan 'stick with the winners', sounded boring to me since they all seemed to be 'old' and.....boring.  They talked about 'fishing' and 'outtings with the family' and 'going to church' and 'going to their children's school functions'......colour THAT boring!  So  I hung out with Gerri, who was a bit older than I and fairly new to the program--and she wasn't convinced, but was trying to 'do the deal'.  But Gerri seemed to still have some LIFE in her.  She talked in meetings about going places, doing things....having MY kinda fun.  She'd kept her old friend, despite people in the program suggesting she 'change her playground and playmates'.  And it was working for her.  She had over 90 days and was going into bars and having Pepsi and making it work!
So Gerri it was!  And off we went--and we talked about program stuff and other stuff and had FUN together.  And I mean FUN!

Invariably there came that moment in the car that the conversation shifted.
Those folks around the tables had gone that long without drinking--surely if they could go that long, they could control their drinking.  Cuz they WERE controlling their drinking.
So that 'just one' was probably something they could do but they were just too brainwashed into believing they couldn't.
Certainly someone with 3 months without a drink WAS controlling their drinking, too--elsewise they'd be drinking! And we weren't going to be brainwashed......
Just one......she was going to prove she wasn't brainwashed!
I think I tried to tell her that was a bad plan.  Or maybe that's my desire to still escape what really happened and my part in it.

We went in to have 'just one'.
We had plenty more than that.
She wanted to leave for another place.
I didn't.

She said "Fuck you, then" and laughed......and got in the car.

Drinking and driving don't go well together.  How many times I managed to escape tradgety because I ignored that fact, I can only imagine and I thank G-d for--He's taken very good care of me.

Gerri never got to her next destination.  She hit the embankment on a bridge.
She lived--but suffered such severe brain damage that her life was spent in a nursing home, where she eventually died.
"There but for the grace of G-d, go I..."  I get teary when I remember, but I don't ever want to forget.......

There's 'good fortune' in that experience, over and over again......and I don't want to let go of that humility that I, eventually, found because of the role I played in her life.
Just a smidgeon of guilt resides in me but along side of the guilt is the deep abiding sense of gratitude for how that experience brought me to the life I have, today.
Gerri helps keep me sober, today.  She's a part of what I have, today.

Sometimes 'good fortune' dresses itself in horrid circumstances.  I can see that today.
And I'm grateful I was 'one of the lucky ones' who lived long enough to have that awakening.

Hahaha.....too cute!

Today's Fairy Reminder

I think my peace comes from my good fortune. --Jim Burns  

How we define "good fortune" is a significant indicator of one's attitude. While winning the lottery might be judged as good fortune by all of us, virtually every other occurrence will be evaluated in a very individualistic way. What seems like a wonderful situation or opportunity to one might greatly frighten his or her neighbor.  Peacefulness is a feeling everyone deserves. 

Thank goodness it's attainable. Perhaps we're beginning to realize that it always was available even though it didn't seem within our grasp. The fault was never the result of external circumstances, even though that was where we laid the blame. 

Finally, we're becoming willing to see that we will have all the peace and good fortune we want by simply taking charge of how we interpret the experiences that trouble us.  

We're never too old to develop a positive outlook on life. Some say, "I'm too old to change." But that's not true. Let's offer a good example to a friend who is still stuck in the chaos of a defeated perspective. Our demonstration of the attainment of peace may be all this person needs.  

Peace can be enjoyed by me today, regardless of circumstances, if I shift my perception ever so slightly.

Just another storm