Reading for Today

 How easily we slip into self-doubt, fearing we’re incapable or unlovable, perhaps both. How common for us to look into the faces of our friends and lovers in search of affirmation and love.

Our alienation from ourselves, from one another, from God’s Spirit which exists everywhere causes our discontent. It is our discontent. When souls touch, love is born, love of self and love of the other. Our aloneness exists when we create barriers that keep us separate from our friends, our family. Only we can reach over or around the barriers to offer love, to receive love.

Today we have the tools for loving, but we must dare to pick them up. Listening to others and sharing ourselves begins the process of loving. Risking to offer love before receiving it will free us from the continual search for love in the faces of others.

Welcome to Panic Day

If....

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream — and not make dreams your master;
If you can think — and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:.
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings — nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it.
(And which is more; you'll be a Man, my son!)

Rudyard Kipling would shudder--but pppffffffffttttttt to that!!
I'm setting time aside to flap my wings, run around like a chicken with its head cut off and squawk a LOT to celebrate.
Whoda thunk I'd be such a willing participant in PANIC Day.  LOL

Oh wait........aren't I the one with the big upside-down crown sign that says "NOW PANIC AND FREAK OUT" 
So I am.........  *laughing*

 

TFTD

 Open to Life’s Magic

“I will never forget my mother’s words to me the first time she took me to the Hob rain forest,” a woman told me, when she learned I was going there. “We were at the edge of the forest, about to enter. My mother stopped walking and turned to me. “There’s magic here,” she said. It wasn’t her words that impressed me. What struck me was the absolute certainty and matter-of-fact way she said it. It was like she had just told me, ‘Dinner’s ready,'”

There’s magic in the air. It’s the next place on the journey. It’s inevitable. We have been clearing the path so we could do more than merely trudge down the road. The road leads to magic– a magical way of living. A magical way of being here. The magic in the air isn’t an illusion, isn’t a trick. You have done your work. You have stuck with the journey. Now is the time for fun,the time to see and know more of life’s magical ways.

Walk lightly. Enter the enchanted forest. Look around. Keep your eyes and ears open. Tell others what you see. The journey to the heart is a journey of wonder and awe.

Captured Memory#62

Daily Reminder

We are slow to believe that which, if believed, would hurt our feelings.

—Ovid

Most of us in recovery have engaged in denial from time to time. Some of us relied on this tool.

We may have denied events or feelings from our past. We may have denied other people’s problems; we may have denied our own problems, feelings, thoughts, wants, or needs. We denied the truth.

Denial means we didn’t let ourselves face reality, usually because facing that particular reality would hurt. It would be a loss of something: trust, love, family, perhaps a marriage, a friendship, or a dream. And it hurts to lose something or someone.

Denial is a protective device, a shock absorber for the soul. It prevents us from acknowledging reality until we feel prepared to cope with that particular reality. People can shout and scream the truth at us, but we will not see or hear it until we are ready.

We are sturdy yet fragile beings. Sometimes, we need time to get prepared, time to ready ourselves to cope. We do not let go of our need to deny by beating ourselves into acceptance; we let go of our need to deny by allowing ourselves to become safe and strong enough to cope with the truth.

We will do this, when the time is right. We do not need to punish ourselves for having denied reality; we need only love ourselves into safety and strength so that each day we are better equipped to face and deal with the truth. We will face and deal with reality – on our own time schedule, when we are ready, and in our Higher Power’s timing. We do not have to accept chastisement from anyone, including ourselves, for this schedule.

We will know what we need to know, when it’s time to know it.

TFTD

 Nothing that is worth doing can be done alone, but has to be done with others.

—Dr. Reinhold Niebuhr

We who are blessed with a closely-knit family life, where thoughts and actions can be discussed and developed, are aware that what is given is not as important as what is shared. As we help one another, we learn that sharing can never exist unless we care first. This is the major ingredient of love.

Albert Schweitzer described human service toward a common goal as the greatest of deeds. Charles Dickens assured us that when we lighten the burdens of another, we can never consider ourselves useless. Those of us who are led today may show the way tomorrow. In giving, we receive, and in getting we cannot avoid being givers.

Fairy Diddy

Set your priorities daily because some things in our path are just not important enough to use up our time and energy.

I'm as schizophrenic as the weather....

Seriously--one minute I'm happy as all get out, counting the goodness and making things count.

The next, I'm snarly and whiny and (undoubtedly) feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently today is one of 'those' days.
Tried some 'deep end of the pool swimming' at work and, of course, I'm sure I looked like a complete idiot....which means I have to do some FAST learning.  I can't NOT know things that I apparently oughta know doing what I do today.
And while I'm in the whiny mood--I'll, yet again, complain about the pain treatment ordeal.  I got referred back to my Primary Care Physician--who is good for coughs and colds......but I don't think he's going to feel particularly 'qualified' to do anything but refill what's been scripted to me when it comes to pain treatment.
And really?!  This can't be 'as good as it gets'.
I can make it through work if I arrive early and leave late.  I'm DONE about two-ish....and by the time I'm home at 4, I'm not exactly the funnest person to hang with.  Can't sit for long, can't stand for long or walk for a long time for that matter.  At least at work it's up/down/up/down with little notice.  Home--notsomuch.
And ask me if I think the Lyrica is as effective as it once was......*sigh*  Nope.  It happens with me.  Drugs tend to lose their effectiveness.  It appears that's happening again.....which oughta make my conversation with my Family Physician 'interesting' to say the least.
And THEN there's the weight gain.
I've been trying HARD to ignore that side effect from the medication.  It's just a body.  But MY GOODNESS we're not talking a couple pounds here and there.  And suddenly my body is in a condition it's not been in for 20 years or better.  I DON'T LIKE IT.  I mean I really, REALLY don't like it.  I'm going to have to do something different and I suck at dieting.  I'm an extremist.  I go wayyyyyy to extremes.  It's why I put myself in treatment for an eating disorder quite some time ago. But I can't handle this body.  And I can't believe it's good for the hardware I'm now carrying around OR the bones that aren't exactly in tip top shape--which reminds me about the need to whine about THAT.
I think I'm becoming neurotic.  G-d forbid.  But ICE and SNOW and slippery floors make me fearful.  As in (what I think is) abnormally fearful.  At least it's abnormally fearful for ME.

Yup--happy one day, upsidedown and NUTZ the next.



I just walked out to the kitchen fighting back tears to answer the phone, looked out the window and saw that full moon coming up and thought......"Wow......isn't G-d awesome.  How lucky am I that I get to see things like this!"

TOTALLY schizophrenic....................

Daily Reminder

 We all like to forgive, and we all love best not those who offend us least, not those who have done the most for us, but those who make it most easy for us to forgive them.

–  Samuel Butler

None of us likes to harbor angry or bitter feelings toward another person.  We know that friends may drift apart because of disagreements in which either of us will bend or compromise.

More and more, we know what our values are and the importance of how we reflect those values.  When a friendship is threatened by anger or misunderstanding,  we’re able to let our values guide us.  We’ve been less willing o  sacrifice our values to save a weak relationship.  We’ve let go of some friends.  If we’ve been stubborn or selfish, we’re better able now to preserve the friendship by making amends.

Things that make me Happy....

....feathery flutterbys that float on my "CHOOSE JOY" pendant banner at work.

....happy greetings from people who enjoy me for some odd reason.

....the pink sky blue sunrise this morning.

....getting to go to work after a snowed in day.

....hot chocolate with fresh whipped cream....YUM!!

....noticing the buds on the trees.  They know spring is coming!!

....the rooster crowing at 5:30 in the morning.

Fairy Reading

 Stop throwing that blame around

“There are two kinds of people in the world,” a friend explained to me one day. “There are the ones who blame other people for everything that happens. And there are the ones who blame themselves.”

Have you ever watched a movie where one of the actors used a flamethrower? In a movie I watched one day, they called this instead a “blame thrower.” It’s a lit torch of fiery rage that we throw at either others or ourselves when situations don’t work out the way we planned.

Blaming can be a healthy stage of grieving or letting go. But staying too long in this stage can be unproductive. It can keep us from taking constructive action. Blaming ourselves too long can turn into self-contempt; blaming others can keep us heavy and dark with resentments, and fuel the victim within.

If you’re going through a loss, or if life has twisted on you, pick up your blame thrower– in the privacy of your own journal. Give yourself ten or twenty minutes to blame without censorship. Get it out. Write out everything you want to say, whether you’re throwing blame at someone else or at yourself.

It may take longer if the loss is larger, but the point is to give yourself a limited amount of time for a blame-throwing session, then cease fire. Stop. Move on to the next stage in living, which is letting go, accepting, and taking responsibility for yourself.

The Grumpy Fisherman

Reading for Today

Few people can be happy unless they hate some other person, nation, or creed.

–Bertand Russell

We learn to give up hate. We must stand for justice, not for hate. We must learn to respect people. They, in turn, will respect us in most cases. We begin to see how important it is to give up hate–if we want others to care for us. Hate is often our secret. Hate is found deep in our hearts and minds. It eats at our souls. It hurts our spiritual growth. Sometimes people are public about their hate. There are even dangerous groups based on hate. But, the most dangerous hate is the private and unspoken. Do I have public hates? Do I have secret hates?

TFTD

Stay in the present moment. That's where you find life's magic.

How overwhelmed we feel when we anticipate the future, all that needs doing, all the tasks, the work, the potential problems, the responsibilities. How tired we become when we dwell on what we've done already, the energy we've expended, and the imperfect results.

Yes, sometimes to stay in the present we need to visit the past, to clear out an old feeling, to heal an old, limiting belief. But that visit can be brief. And sometimes we need to think about the future– to make commitments, to plan, to envision where we want to go. But to linger there can cause unrest. It can spoil the moment we're in now. Stay in the present moment, and the past and the future will fall naturally and easily into place.

Stay in the present moment, and the magic will return.

Captured Memory #61

Fingers to keyboard moment....

I don't put as much here from the touch pad--it takes longer than I like, so I skip doing what I've done for years--fingers to keyboard, just Mel being Mel--putting it in black and white so I can SEE what's true instead of deluding myself, which I have a tendency to do.  I still have that alcoholic/addict brain....I've not been successful in 'rewiring it' yet.  *sigh*

And it's not like I'm on the verge of putting things up for grabs.  I don't want that life, ever again.  I see enough to know that it's not changed out there.  No one's invented a 'high' or a 'buzz' that comes without the wreckage attached.
And I don't want that wreckage.
I'm grateful that I have sobriety today.  And that I know the difference between sobriety and 'not drinking/using'.

But here I am, doing what I've always done.  I get told something and I hold on to it until I can wrap my head around it and prepare it for the audience I'm speaking with.....trying to control how they 'take it' and what they could potentially 'feel'.  It's that survival, kick into 'get it done and fall apart afterwards' gear.  I'm going to be the one with the level head--and I can't be level headed if I'm emotionally reactive.
I'm told there's nothing wrong with operating that way AS LONG AS I'm dealing with/being honest about MY part/MY feelings/MY thinking in the whole thing.
And that's where I struggle.

That's where I'm struggling.
So what if I have osteoporosis.  It means taking the medication, making some alterations to how I do things and carrying on!  It's not life threatening and they're not cutting off body parts.  (Been there, done that!)

So what if the medication means you might get to deal in side effects--that happens with every medication. They're always saying the worst that could happen to cover their rear ends in case it DOES happen and you're that one in a hundred thousand.
Why do I shudder?  I seem to have the history of BEING that one in a hundred thousand.  Would I rather it happen for me than someone else?  Of course......it doesn't mean I WANT it to!

I just have to get my head around this.
I stopped when it came to lifting that 40 pound bag of bird food (boy are they LUCKY birdies!), but I did it anyway.
And I've not read any more on the disease--cuz I don't like the lifestyle changes.
Lots of people have senile osteoporosis and don't even know it--and won't til they end up breaking a bone like YOU did.  And they don't go upside down if they get diagnosed, I'm sure.
I need to get more informed.  And I need to wrap my head around the changes.
What I don't NEED to do is panic when there's snow in a parking lot again.  Or panic AGAIN when there's rough terrain.  I  didn't give thought to it weeks ago, I was celebrating that I COULD walk on it.......but the threat of getting another broken bone because of all of this S.O. stuff has changed it all.  And I let it.
I'm back to where I was when I started venturing out with a cane--panicking.

I hate panicking.  And I don't like that I'm not being honest with he-who-likes-to-do-denial-himself.
I'm pretty sure HE'S panicking 10x more than I am cuz he's reading all this stuff on the Internet about the medication they're suggesting.

*sigh*
I have none of this sorted out.  I don't have answers.  And the answers I have are loaded with panicked feelings/thoughts behind the scenes.

Maybe I need to get in the car, go to the dam, watch eagles and decide.
Keep panicking.......or trust that all things will be as they need to be--and that there's 'good' in there, even if I don't see it at the moment.

Maybe the young eagle will be out and about with his parents.
It's really cool to hear them talking to each other.  And I haven't bothered to make the time to go there for weeks.

I think I'll bother now.
I seem to find peace in the storm when I do that.......

Fairy Reading

Clearing the Slate

One of the greatest gifts we can give is an open, loving heart. And holding on to negative feelings from past relationships is our greatest barrier to that gift.

Most of us have had relationships that have ended. When we examine these relationships, we need to clear the emotional slate. Are we holding on to anger or resentments? Are we still feeling victimized? Are we living with the self-defeating beliefs that may be attached to these relationships – Women can't be trusted…. Bosses use people…. There is no such thing as a good relationship….

Let go of all that may be blocking your relationships today. With great certainty, we can know that old feelings and self-defeating beliefs will block us today from giving and getting the love we desire. We can clear the slate of the past. It begins with awareness, honesty, and openness. The process is complete when we reach a state of acceptance and peace toward all from our past.

Captured Memory #60

It's not spring yet

I've decided that -20° is just too freaking cold.
I love Iowa.
I love that we REALLY experience seasons.  No half measures for us, no siree!

When we have a season we know it's here.
But -20°?!

I guess it works.  I'm not confusing the last day of February with spring.  LOL

Daily Reading

Only with winter patience can we bring The deep desired, long-awaited spring.

—Anne Morrow Lindbergh

Family life requires patience. We probably realized that a long time ago. The Greek origin of the word patience is pathos, which means "suffering." In our lives together, we often suffer. Life is full of bumps and scrapes, both physical and emotional. In our search for greater family unity and harmony we need to realize that we will not be able to escape all suffering. This is why we need patience. It is a form of love. When we suffer the bumps and scrapes and still have faith something good will come of it, we are living out our love. From this winter- patience we will surely find a reward.