There's something to be said....

..........about working with others.

Okay, so I have a pigeon/sponsee/whatever they prefer to be called today that I work with--yeah, yeah.............so there's six to be exact, plus two who pretty well have the deal down and don't require a whole lotta 'work'. So.........I'm working with one and, of course, we're hitting the first principle and it's all about HONESTY. I can hear myself sharing and challenging and saying what's true--if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. Nothing changes until something changes--and absolutely zilch will change if you're lying to me or lying to you.

OH Lord did I hear myself........ I'm NOT being forthright about those fears and angers that need inventoried and worked through. *sigh*

Oh, I can be soooooooooooooo good at putting it out there for someone else. And it does work. I can't tell you how many times it's been my privilege to be around for someone's awakening to 'truth'. The problem with that is I tend to hear MYSELF, which, in all honesty probably isn't a problem but a G-dsend.

Do I have a problem with withholding the truth? I'd like NOT to, however, I know it's seriously wrong and uncool. Yep, I can have all the bestest reasons and rationalizations in the world..........However. It's still wrong and uncool to withhold the truth. I knew that when I did it--but it certainly didn't stop me from doing it. I didn't wanna be accountable to say what's really true for me today. And I NEED to be accountable, elsewise I schluff off and start lying to me and you and the world. BAD, BAD idea!

Oh, I know that for all practical purposes it can appear to the world around me that the work I do with others is all about selflessness and a sincere desire to be of service--but I know well how working with others is accountability for ME. I will not take credit for some thing that's not mine to take credit for. My selfless appearing actions aren't selfless. I work with people because I have a debt to repay and it keeps ME where I need to be.

*sigh*
I'm still pissed off and afraid. LOL But I know I'll be honest about it and I'll get to do what it takes to move from those things I'm angry and fearful about. I don't GET to stay stuck in the anger and fear-- cuz it's not where I'm effective OR at peace. And I want both--

LOL--cuz I'm greedy! I want it ALL!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOL

Damn pigeons.....