I can answer that!!

So A.R.T. (Aggression Replacement Training) seems to go hand in hand with F.F.T. (for us who don't know or care--that's 'Functional Family Therapy'--it's the 'trendy' thing to do for therapy nowadays it would seem.....).

I couldn't resist--well, I could but I gave thought to it.....and I decided I wouldn't resist. LOL

A horridly pompous gal announced herself to me in a rather haughty fashion.... "I am a Functional Family Therapist."

*hanging head*
It was a split second of 'take it and run or ignore'.
'Take it and run' won.


"Oh, thank GOODNESS!! I know way too many dysfunctional ones."

Shake her hand, smile and tell her it's nice to meet her...........and walk.

Yes, I did apologize at the end of the training.
But I bet she never presents herself in THAT manner again.

*snickering*
I'll go to the naughty corner now.
LOLOL
HAPPILY!!

Now how cool is that?!

I was greeted by the ghosties when I pulled into the drive this evening.
I couldn't resist taking a photo or two and I was hoping they would at least SORT turn out.
The ghosties are just too cute--
And how cool is it that 'im indoors actually was thrilled to have the opportunity to sneak them out while I was....ummm.......being 'trained'. LOL (trying hard not to roll my eyes dontchaknow!)

AND............ I was NICE.
:-)

I didn't even break out the sandcastle toy--(mostly cuz I was sitting in the front....that woulda been rude and wrong).
But I'm thinkin' I'll sit in the back tomorrow.
I'm taking one (revised) said 'bingo' game with me. LOL

Frankly-if I hear the words, 'measurable', 'model competency' and 'evidence based' ONE MORE TIME.... I wanna bonafide reason to jump up and yell "BREAKTIME!!"

Yessirree!! We have ghosties and feets and lighted fences--out and lit.
It's a start!

Permission granted

I got excused from today's training.
*smug smile*
Cuz I'm that darn good!

The Boss did manage to tell me that I could decide.
But it ended up with "I'd LIKE you to go--but if you decide not to, I'll understand. You decide."

Keep in mind it didn't start OUT that way............but gosh golly, I managed to toss out ALL the truth.
"The unit's a mess. I have a gazillion things to do to get things straight for that change over is payments, personnel problems up the whazoo--two open positions to hire for, kids and families that are a MESS......"
(this is when I got his blessing to not attend and shoulda kept it at absense of the truth.....LOL)
"Sounds like you need to not go."
"Oh, and did I mention that I don't like the presentor and I don't WANNA spend two days listening to him drone on and on and ON like the moron he is?"
(insert raised eyebrow--yes ONE raised eyebrow)
"AND I have a whole bunch of physical plant stuff that needs attended to..........AND I need to meet with the therapists who seem to think contact notes are a leisure time activity."
(he paused and I knew he was weighing his words carefully, dangit)
THIS is when he gave me the ol':
"I'd like you to go--but if you decide not to, I'll understand.....You decide."

"Great..........I ain't going! Too much to do."
"If that's what you think is BEST. Though-- I'm sure your people are capable."
*rolling eyes* He just HAD to make it about other people's capabilities........

"I'd LIKE you to go. But I'll understand if you decide not to."
*muttering*
It all went downhill from there.
I still had permission NOT to go though!!

And I'm up and RARING to go, lemme assure ya...........

I made the fatal error and I told my next in command I got permission to not attend--but I was going just the same.
Now THERE is a smug human being.

"Told him the WHOLE truth, huh?"

YES.....
....but I'm STILL taking my sandcastle toy.
AND I'm grabbing a pinwheel straw for good measure JUST in case.
Hmmmmmmmmph!

*pouting, pouting, POUTING!!!*

YES--

I'm pouting.

Horribly.....

I don't WANNA, I don't WANNA, I DON'T WANNA!!!

*sigh*

My boss wants me to go to a two day training. The good news is it's within driving distance. The bad news--I've got a personality conflict with the trainer. I know, I know---"Principles BEFORE personalities." Be nice, be nice, BE NICE!

I don't WANNA be nice.
Aggression Replacement Therapy and Functional Family Therapy are 'proven' and 'evidence based' practices.
Only cuz they've been around a while to gather the evidence. (yes--I AM pouting!)

Nothing new under the sun with those two--not that they're not worthy practices. But they don't deal with the whole person.
They change behaviors without addressing the problems.

I'm a whole person kinda gal.
We think, we feel, we act.
If we change how we act, we might like the end results and feel different and begin to think different.
If we change how we think, we'll feel different and potentially act different.

Both true--both work and work well, depending on the personality type that you're working with.
And then there's the underlying, unresolved issues.
What about them?
We can be 'functional' and still be messed up beyond recognition.

And then there's the facilitator.

Yeah, yeah--I know, principles before personalities.
Be nice, be nice, be nice.

I'll go.
Two days of hearing what I already know, some of what I already practice.....presented by a person I don't particularly respect cuz their money isn't where their mouth is.
Notarity, fame, prestige--but a heart and a passion for helping others change their lives?! Hardly.......

*sigh*

Choose my attitude.
Make arrangements for a crisis filled unit.
Suit up and show up.

OH BOY!!!!
I get to go to a training!!
*rolling eyes*

Nope......LOL.....ain't workin'....
Guess I'll have to make arrangements, suit up, show up and bring bubbles and a sandcastle toy to play with!

QOTW September 11

If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about any one thing you wished ~ concerning yourself, your life, the future, or anything else ~ what would you want to know?

I'd like to know where I put that "Runs with Scissors" pin that I got three years back as a gift. I tucked it away somewhere 'special' so I wouldn't lose it. Wherever it is.....it must be REAL special! LOL

I've tried to convince myself that I tossed it JUST so I'd quit looking in random places for it.
But I know better.
It's around here SOMEwhere--c'mon crystal ball and reveal it!

Would I want to know more than that?
Nope.

Life's an adventure to be lived--I wouldn't wanna spoil it, ya know?

The problem with 'direct' people.....

This above all: To thine own self be true. ---William Shakespeare
Gotta love Willie!

Direct people are a joy to be around, dontchaknow.

You never have to guess what they're really thinking or feeling, because they're honest about their thoughts and open about their feelings.

You never have to wonder if they're with you because they want to be, or if they're there out of guilt and obligation.

You don't have to worry whether they'll end up resenting you when they do something for you--because direct people generally do things that 'please' themselves.

You don't have to fuss about the 'status' of your relationship because if you ask, they'll tell you.
You don't have to worry if they're angry with you because they deal openly with their anger and resolve it quickly.

You don't have to ponder whether they're talking about you behind your back because if they have something to say, it will be said to you directly.

You don't have to wonder if you can rely on them because direct people are trustworthy.
No agendas, no secrets, no deceit.

Just a whole LOT of truth that you can rely on.

Scares the byjeepers outta me sometimes! LOL
Cuz frankly, some moments I WANT to be lied to, thanksverymuch!

Inch by inch......

Shhhhhhh......it's happening........
Bit by bit, corner by corner, inch by inch.....(ya think he'll notice?....LOL)
He WILL when it comes time for breakfast! :-)

9/11

Flags will go to half-mast tomorrow at 8:46a.m.
There'll be talk of 'remember when'.....

How can anyone forget.

I don't need film footage or re-enactments.
It's forever etched in my mind and in my heart.

I still find moments to remember....

My eyes still fill.
My heart still aches.....
2,996 lives.

I know G-d holds them close.

http://www.kristinelson.com/mama.WMV

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr.....

Aye, I be in trouble.

So the brother in law sent me on a cartoon today--nothing worthy of posting and keeping forever. LOL
I, of course, felt compelled to email him back with 'Avast, ye mangey landlubber--Talk Like A Pirate day be September 19th! Arrrrr!!! Nine days and countin' down!!'

Now I'm in deep cah-cah.....cuz the sister has sent on an email:

"Why, oh WHY did you do this to me? Whatever possessed you to tell him about Talk Like A Pirate Day? What have I ever done to YOU that was so horrid? LOL"

Secretly, she loves me.

;-)
Secretly, I'm gonna send on all SORTS of piratey stuff to him for the next nine days straight! LOL

Dragon!

*yawn*

*bigger yawn*

He wasn't even gonna make me coffee--sheeeeeshhh.
Then he said he would--only it was gonna be really feak and weeble coffee.
Errr...weak and feeble.

LOLOL
Oh my gosh....I really am dragon.

*being one happy bunny!!*

Yep--it's the little things.
He didn't even mutter.
I think it was the fact that I went to work at 8am Friday, got done at 4pm, fed cats I'm cat sitting, mowed the lawn and had just sat down when the phone rang at 5:30pm......and back to work I went until 12:50am this morning.
Feeling bad for 'er indoors, perhaps?
I'd prefer to think he surrendered to a losing battle. LOL

But honest--he didn't even mutter when he walked into the livingroom and saw me buried head first in a orange and black Halloween tub.

It's official--not OUTSIDE official.......but it's INSIDE official!
The Halloween village IS up.
And I'm about to sneak yet ANOTHER orange and black tub upstairs.

:-)
I...........am one happy bunny!

Where's MINE?

Stop making excuses for other people.

Stop making excuses for ourselves.

While it is our goal to develop compassion and achieve forgiveness, acceptance, and love, it is also our goal to accept reality and hold people accountable for their behavior.
We also hold ourselves accountable for our own behavior and, at the same time, have compassion and understanding for ourselves.

Another fine moment brought to you from the reading fairies.

It's that time of year when step ten gets a lot of airtime from the fairies. Personal inventory doesn't scare me much.
Now, it used to be that I couldn't be bothered! LOL
But today, it's a no-brainer.
It's a part of daily discipline--it's a way of life.

I have my tenth step journal and it sits on my nightstand.

There's no lock on it. What's 'in there' is 'out here' for the world to see......no point in locking it up or saving it from other people's eyes.

I show it to wisepersoninmylife on a semi-regular basis.
We're looking for patterns and unresolved 'stuff'--well, I am.....sometimes he tells me my spelling sucks. LOL

Compassion, forgiveness, acceptance and love....... Being accountable to those things sucks some moments.

I'm supposing that's why I've gotten to hear little reminders of "BE NICE" the last few weeks from wisepersoninmylife, huh?

And after some particularly tough moments with the human beings around me these past few weeks-- I can't help but stand there with my hands on my hips and glare while I'm grumbling "where's MINE?!!".
Well, I can 'help it'...but nonetheless I'm still there with hands on hips grumbling.....

*placing hands on hips*

WHERE'S MINE?!?

Goshdangit, I'd like MINE now!!

*lightbulb moment!!*
I think I'll practice compassion and understanding that I'm having a "WHERE'S MINE?!!" moment!

ROFL
I'll bet THAT'LL go over REAL well!!!!

Sometimes reading fairies are way smart....

Step Ten--We do not work this Step to punish ourselves or to hold ourselves under a constantly critical and demeaning microscope.
We do it to maintain self-esteem and harmony in our relationship with others and ourselves.
We do it to stay on track.
When an issue or problem emerges and needs our attention, we identify it and openly discuss it with at least one safe person and God.

Accept it.
Become willing to let go of it.
Ask God to take it from us.

Have a change of heart by the willingness to make whatever amend is called for - to do what is necessary to take care of ourselves.
Take an appropriate action to resolve the matter.
Then let go of the guilt and shame.

This is a simple formula for taking care of ourselves.
This is how we change.
This is how we become changed.
This is the process for healing and health.
This is the process for achieving self-responsibility and self esteem.

The next time we do something that bothers us, the next time we feel off track or off course, we don't have to waste our time or energy feeling ashamed.
We can take a Tenth Step.
Let the process happen.
And move on with our life.

Arrrrrrrrrrrr.....pay attention.......

I gotta find me some pirate dictionary to hone up on my pirate talk!!!

Oh......and I'm thinkin' an eyepatch.

*snickering*
Maybe a dead parrot? LOLOL
Oh LORD.....I do that and there'll be NO end to the Monte Python deluge!!!

Dispensable people

Ever have those moments of self actualization when you're pounding on the keyboards to someone other than yourself?

That happens to me.
I share a bit of what's true about Mel--and I end up nodding my head and agreeing. LOL Well, HELLO........that's because it's about me and it's just TRUE.

Sometimes I still get a bit embarassed to admit how I used to 'run my life'.

It's a good thing I'm not in charge of it today--not that I was 'back then'....but I bought that illusion that I was. Or was it a delusion....maybe it was both?

I'm clear I had choices to make and I that I made a whole host of crappy ones.

How is it the song goes--"You can't even run your own life I'll be damned if you'll run mine........"
I think I was chanting that for a very long time.
Cuz running my own life meant Mel was large and in charge. And if you didn't recognize that--'off with your head'!
'X' 'em off the planet--get 'em outta my world.
There were very few people I couldn't 'make' go away. I got darn good at it.
And I STILL profess "I don't like people." Cuz I still have 'moments' of not liking people (I think...or is it their actions I'm not liking and the people are okay.... I think I need to think on that one....)
I'm kinda (ROFL....now THERE'S a minimization!!) unsociable.


There's still a part of me that plays with what's unkind......I just try really, really hard not to give myself 'permission'. Cuz I don't HAVE permission.

I wrote it in another place today.... People were dispensable.
Serve your purpose and go away.
Don't get in the way of me living my own life--or you're history.
I ran through a whole lot of people....a whole lot of people--some with miraculously wonderful motives and huge hearts. Some pretty messed up, crazy ones too.
But I ran through them all.

Ask me for a name of a long time friend--I can't give you one.
Childhood buddy that I've held onto through the ages--that doesn't exist in my life.
I don't even know if I could name one human being I went to college with............or to high school with.
I'd like to claim it was 'bad memory'......'brain damage'......
Brain damage IS accurate--but that's not the cause of the problem.
Human beings were simply dispensable.
I didn't need them--'cept if they were an ends to a means.

And I'm not talking just during my using and drinking career. I'm going to have to include my sobriety as well.
"Brotherly love" wasn't something I possessed or cared TO possess.
It was few and far between that I had any kind of honest/genuine relationship with anything that breathed oxygen.
I had lots of acquaintences.
I still have loads of acquaintences.
Today I even have people that I genuinely and with my whole heart WANT to keep in my life.
It matters to me today if they disappear. They're important, they're cared about whole bunches and they're a part of my LIFE.

HOW that happened, I'm not sure. I think I could speculate WHY that happened......

But I do know they're no longer 'dispensable' as they once were.
I'm thinking that might actually be a GOOD thing.
But I'm blaming wisepersoninmylife for making me do that 11th step for an eternity and a half.
And I'm blaming G-d, too!
Cuz it's ALWAYS His fault.

Yeah, yeah...........all the blame and NONE of the glory, eh? LOL
It's a darn good thing He's got 'big shoulders', huh?

*rolling eyes*

I sure hope He's getting a HUGE belly laugh off of this one........

Frazzled........

Gee...

Doesn't that just about say it all........

"Aaawk---"
.......nevermind.......

QOTW September 3

What's on your feet?

*checking*

Duckie socks.
Blue with little yellow duckies--momma duckie and baby duckies swimming.......

Now--aren't you glad to know that? LOL

Oy what a strange day......

Sixty six degrees and it rained all day....and some of the evening/early morning. I know this because I had a bright and early morning at work. And I DO mean bright and early.
The good news is the Brit made me dinner! Spaghetti bologna (*snickering*..I know that's not right but that's what I refer to it as cuz it makes him shake his head!)-- complete with fresh mushrooms. Yep, he pitied me and wised up.......LOL It was either he cooked or he took that risk that I'd burn not only dinner, but potentially the whole house.
Ummm... I'm a bit--spacey?
And perhaps a bit manipulative? LOL
But I did manage to get three huge tubs and a few boxes of Halloween 'stuff' from the storage room--into the basement area. Which means I'm IN the process.
YEAH ME!!!
I managed to convince himself that lights needed hung up so they'd straighten out before we actually hung them on/around the house. *nodding* It's a good plan, dontchathink?

Okay...........so I didn't get to hang them IN the house and turn them on--but I did get them hung in the garage and plugged them in. LOL Did that whilest himself was preparing dinner.
Yes--I AM proud!

AND I got the pressie hung up!

Snuck an 'anti-monster light' or two and a witchy candle AND a pumpkin towel upstairs as well.
I know, I know......pushin' it, huh?
Nah. Not REALLY........

PUSHIN' IT means that I finished that funky green scarf for the girl that'll go really well with that pretty green sweater I snagged for her for a holiday pressie.

Now THAT'S.......... pushin' it!

;-)

Ye be warned.

Arrrrrrrrrrrrr.....
Tis Talk Like A Pirate Day on the 19th of this month.

Arrrrrrr.
*chuckling*
And I gots a flag ordered and EVERYthing!!
Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!

Shiver me timbers! LOL

*doing happy dance*

It's the first of September.
And it's Friday.
AND (much to my chagrin--cuz I TOTALLY missed it!!) it's Labour Day Weekend!

First of the month means one thing..
Dreaded paperwork.
Why is it EVERY freaking report is due on the first of the month?
The Budget Report is due. AS is the Occupancy Report, the Basic Indicator Report, the Behavior Management Report, the Core Hour Report, the Skillbuilding Report, the Physician Billing Report, the Pharmacy/Medications Report AND the Personnel File/Trainings Report.
Oh, and let's not forget that I had no cook today. (pity the poor kiddos!)
AND one of the regular day staff was absent.
And timesheets were due.
And I had termination paperwork due on an employee who resigned.
AND I had 'technical difficulties' with the worksite server.
And there were children who needed my attention, a principal who wanted to chat and several probation folks who had requests before THEY started their long weekend.

......And THEN there was the staff member who was scared to tell me that because we'd robbed Peter to pay Paul in a staffing dilema, one of the staff who needed to come in at two would be coming in a four instead. Ummmm...that would mean they'd need my body to not leave the worksite until that person arrived--two hours past my scheduled time to leave.

Pardon me if I looked at the mounds of paperwork and just laughed--"Like I'll be leaving anytime SOON?!"

Lemme assure you, I was lucky to be out of there by 5:30.
And I wasn't DONE--I was simply braindead.

Literally.
I couldn't think straight.....and I was having difficulties forming whole sentences. LOL

So....when I got home--I mowed the lawn! (hey....the Brit tried to make that NOT happen and I nearly babbled trying to explain how mowing the grass would be a GOOD thing! LOL) I needed something purely physical and a no-brainer after my day at the office. I need to chop the heads off of all those kittle blades of grass! *snicker*

Hey.....it WORKED! I now feel halfway sane. (and that's JUST about AS close as I get to sane!)

AND I got a pressie from my sis!
*snickering*
She's sooooooooo cool and soooooooo smart!
She KNEW the Brit would feel compelled to LET me have it out cuz it's a pressie!
*chuckling*
Gotta get me some candies to go in all the pockets--and Halloween toys, for SURE!!
*doing happy dance*

I have one COOL sis!
Not only is she COOL.....she's JUST about as manipulative as *I* am!

LOLOL