DaDuck!!

Dis.....is DaDuck.
(just in case you didn't recognize him, mind you)

DaDuck spits.
*snickering*
I have a spitting duck.

He floats really, really good in the bathtub, by the way.
And he's got good company--we have one or two duckies in the bathroom. (yes, brave guests leave the bathroom snickering--the 'proper folks' don't bother mentioning all the rubber duckies....LORD knows what they're thinkin' and I'm not sure that's any of my business....)

I was all kindsa excited about DaDuck.
Himself noticed this and offered to run me a bubble bath.
(Okay...so it's hard not to notice when I'm shoving DaDuck under your nose and loudly announcing "he SPITS....DaDuck SPITS!!")

Yep........I was all excited--grabbed fresh jammies, sprinkled smelly stuff in the bubble water, turned on the penguin lights-- and himself even put on some great music for me.

I've been a bit overwhelmed with work responsibilities, not to mention we're both hanging on to that flu crud. Getting warm and relaxed hasn't been easy as of late. *sigh*
Soaking bath sounded REAL good............and soak I did.
And what did I forget in my haste to get in that tub?
DaDuck.............*sigh*

I hollered--really I did.
That 'great music' managed to drown me out--there was no himself to rescue me.

There was that moment of indecision..........fetch DaDuck (keep in mind we've had four visitors in three hours this evening--and the solution of 'fetching' meant......ummm...fetching!) or skip DaDuck.
To fetch DaDuck or not to fetch DaDuck........LOL....that WAS the question.

Any bets? LOL

Just for the record--
He spits REAL good.
:-D

Holiday bandaids

*snickering*
No foolin'......bandaids with trees and snowmens and holly on 'em. Yup--three different prints!

I've been waiting to get an owie.....or three
I keep inspecting my hands just in case I missed when I got one.

Nope.
Nuffin'.........

I suppose there's something sick and wrong about contemplating giving yourself a papercut, huh?

Hmmmm......

When we don't ask for what we want and need, we discount ourselves.
We deserve better.
Maybe others taught us it wasn't polite or appropriate to speak up for ourselves.
The truth is, if we don't, our unmet wants and needs may ultimately come back to haunt our relationships.
We may end up feeling angry or resentful, or we may begin to punish someone else for not guessing what we need.
We may end the relationship because it doesn't meet our needs.

Intimacy and closeness are only possible in a relationship when both people can say what they want and need. Sustained intimacy demands this.

Sometimes, we may even have to demand what we want. That's called setting a boundary.
We do this not to control another person, but to gain control of our life.

Our attitude toward our needs is important too.
We must value them and take them seriously if we expect others to take us seriously.
When we begin to place value and importance on our needs we'll see a remarkable change. Our wants and needs will begin to get met.

I was going to claim not having a problem with asking for what I need.
Maybe I do, maybe I don't.
I don't ask for much.
There's not much that I 'need' that's left out there, not being brought to me in some form or another.

Rest time--that's probably the toughest thing I have asking for.
Even when I'm weary.
Truth is, G-d makes arrangements for me. LOL Sometimes not so pleasantly, but He does get me that time to rest.

The Brit tells me I'm a cheap date. LOL
Probably more about my 'wants'--but there you have it!

FINE!!!!!! Just................FINE!!

"Have a good day yesterday?"

Nope.
I spent the greater part of the evening tearing apart my closets. Yep.......plural--closetS.
I have a social function I get to go to.

"I know how keen you are on those......"

Ummmmm....yeah, well, I hate 'em.

"Really." (sarcasm abounds!)

Okay, okay......LET IT RIP. I totally, utterly and completely forgot about the meeting. G'head....I can take it.........

"So did you find something to wear?"

(gotta love when you give 'em permission to rip your head off and spit down your throat--and they lay in the weeds, waiting for the perfect moment......)
No--really. G'head.........I have it coming.
Tell me there wasn't cake.

"Three layers with big '31' candles. We had ice cream with it."

Oh good! I'm glad people enjoyed it!
(wrong move!! dumb, dumb, dumb!)

*sigh*
It was a doomed conversation from the get-go.

And then we talked ME and 'the boundaries of my ego'.
I don't like being social. (there's a surprise!!)
And I get to be.
It's not about better than/worse than.
It's not about measuring up--on my behalf or theirs.
It's about opportunities to be present for other people, to carry messages and to be a part OF.

*making faces*
Perhaps I don't WANT to be a 'part of'.
Most days I don't much like human beings.
They're fickle and fallible and...........mean.
I've watched television!
I like being an alien.
Alien's don't associate with earthlings much.
Wisepersoninmylife tells me that's 'the boundaries that my ego' is setting for me.
(he musta heard from the electronic reading fairies, too, huh?)

I say 'fear'.
He says 'ego'.
*making faces*
I'm not sure which comes first--I'm pretty sure wisepersoninmylife doesn't CARE which comes first..........."this isn't a program of thinking, it's a program of action".
The answer is 'go' and 'figure it out later'.
Oh.
Okay.

Pfffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!

I'll go to the stupid dinner--cuz it's the right thing to do.
(didn't show up for my own anniversary....LOL.......but I'll do the stupid dinner--they won't have cake with candles, but what the heck!!)

And I'll take a look-see at boundaries set up by my ego/fear and get over my little self.
I still say 'fear'.

His response?
"You would.................it looks nicer, huh?"
Pffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Be 'still' fairy!

Accept uncertainty.
We do not always have to know what to do or where to go next.
We do not always have clear direction. Refusing to accept the inaction and limbo makes things worse.

It is okay to temporarily be without direction.
Say, "I don't know," and be comfortable with that.
We do not have to try to force wisdom, knowledge, or clarity when there is none.

While waiting for direction, we do not have to put our life on hold.
Let go of anxiety and enjoy life.
Relax.
Do something fun.
Enjoy the love and beauty in your life.
Accomplish small tasks. They may have nothing to do with solving the problem, or finding direction, but this is what we can do in the interim.

Clarity will come.
The next step will present itself.
Indecision, inactivity, and lack of direction will not last forever.

Sounds simple.
But I'm genuinely not well versed in the 'do nothing' part of all this.

I can buy time--and think and stew and try to come up with different solutions.

It's that 'be STILL and KNOW' where I can drum my fingers and wiggle and squiggle all over the place cuz I want answers, I want solutions and I want it NOW, thanksverymuch.
*sigh*

Yeah, yeah........be STILL.
I can't even sit still for a 90 minute movie that I've waited to see forEVER. LOL

And that's WITH popcorn!

OH.......crap........

Happy Anniversary to me.

*putting head on desk*

I'm soooooooooo in trouble for not showing up to pick up my medallion tonight.

WHAT WAS I THINKING?????!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't.
Not true........I was.
I was thinking I needed to find some stupid SOMEthing or other to wear to the stupid Annual Dinner tomorrow.
Crap.
Crapcrapcrap.
*sigh*
SEE what happens when I get out of the day and start worrying about tomorrow?!?!!

Maybe wisepersoninmylife forgot, too.

HOW could I forget?
Crap.

LOL Isn't it typically ME to immediately start concocting some far fetched story as to why I didn't show up for MY OWN SOBRIETY ANNIVERSARY?!
Auuuughhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!! LOLOL

*note to self*

*****note to self*****

Buy more colours for your wardrobe, Mel.

NO MORE GREEN.

Green is NOT one of your favourite colours and you have a buttload of green 'stuff' in the closet.

OH..........and MUST blame himself for that one.
Had he been hanging the clothing in the closet according to colours, you'da noticed it before now.
Yep...MUST blame him.
(careful how you do that, though....you could end up on the raw end of the deal and actually wind up getting to do laundry a whole lot more often--*shudder*)

NO MORE GREEN, Mel.
NONE.
ZILCH!!

*****end reminder*****

*muttering and sighing*

I hate when he's right.
*sigh*
Himself told me I'd be tearing apart the closet and muttering if I didn't go shop for an outfit.
Darn if he wasn't right.
*sigh*
I hate shopping.
And I hate dressing myself. LOL

Okay--semi-fancy dinner for the Annual Dinner with all the employees/board members etcetc--addnauseum.....
Yeah, yeah. Mel at the Annual Dinner. Oy.
And yes, I've been tearing apart the closet.

AND muttering, of course.

Dress suit?
Nah.
Well, maybe--the black one with the double breasted jacket.
IF I put some snazzy shell lookin' thing under it.
Okay.......pass on that one, too.
Too.....ishy. LOL

Plain ol' two piece suit with heels?
*rolling eyes*
Nope. It's a dinner, not a court appearnce.....

How about simple grey trousers and a sweater?
Or grey trousers with a grey blazer and a scarf?
*muttering*
Green?
Blue?

*sigh*
Back to black.
Black trousers with a black sweater and a scarf thingy--with a white turtleneck?
*sigh*

Do I WANNA show up for the gala affair?
*shaking head and grimacing*
Do I NEED to show up?
YES.
One of my treatment staff is getting an honourable award presented to her--unbeknownst to her. Yes--I NEED to show up.
I need to not just show up--I need to show up and be NICE and PLEASANT and SOCIAL.
Oy.

Grey trousers, white turtleneck and a stripey sweatery thingy with fringy stuff.
I'd be comfy!!
*sigh*
Black trousers?
Khaki suit?

Oh LORD I'm passing on anything with heels cuz I know I'll get to walk up front to say something kindly in front of those 400 people they're anticipating.
*sigh*

Grey.

Sweater--blazer..... Blazer--sweater....
Eeny meanie miney moe---

*muttering*
I've hated dressing myself ever since someone said I HAD to.
LOL

The Queen of More

Yeah, yeah........stuff to go to the neighbours with their tins/trays of goodies.

But THIS is the 'good stuff'.

He was 'busy' and in front of the television. WHY one would plant oneself in front of that garbage, I'll never know--but he was. I think it was the history channel. It's one of the two channels he'll actually land for more than fifteen seconds.
"There's nothing on this telly."

He's sad that he's become predictable and I can come out with it before him. I'm 'sad' for doing it with as posh and as nasally of an accent that I can muster--cuz it means some pillow being tossed in my direction or himself calling me a 'tosh or a 'mush'.
(HA............take THAT reading fairies!! I know how to get someone's attention! LOLOLOL)

And I managed to get his attention when I started tossing jingle bells around last night. Tis the season, dontchaknow!
Then I got out one of 'the boxes'.
I have a few (four) plastic boxes that hold..........little things.
Little bitty things for card making, little ribbons and doodads---all those little things that are project 'leftovers'.
And sonofagun--THAT'S where I put all those small suction cups I was looking for last week!!

Anyway.....
I whined until me made me a pin for the holidays.
I made two in an effort to show himself just how simple they were.

:-)
He made two cuz he was having so much fun. But he tells me I have to give one of his away.....cuz that would be a 'kind thing'. "Won't that be fun?".

Hellooooooooooooooo????????
He forgot who he was talking to...........the Queen of MORE!! Cuz if some is good--MORE is better!!

*sigh*

I haffta give up one of my pins.
Maybe I can bring a chocolate bar and bribe the would-be recipient during a PMS moment--pin or chocolate?

Attitude adjustment attempt #149,786

Okay.....so I made that number up.

Forgive me.
I wasn't thrilled with the reading fairies this morning.
So I did what any redblooded anti-reading fairy person would do.

*looking around*
I tossed the book.

Oh.......g'head and threaten to tell wisepersoninmylife...I'll tell on myself, as soon as I get around to it.
BTW--it's near seven at night and the darn book is still laying in the hallway. THIS is how well I have the Brit trained:
"Didn't enjoy this morning's reading I see?"

BITE me!
*rolling eyes*

As if that wasn't enough--I went to work and tried to adjust my attitude.
Different reading, of course......I wanted to play it safe and I needed to get about the business of getting over myegofilledlittleself and get on with the business of living life on life's terms.
I coulda pulled a book from the shelf and given a read--instead I felt compelled to check an online source for a 'different' reading from a 'different source':

Feeling apart from the action and always looking on; wanting attention, and yet afraid of being noticed; no doubt these are familiar memories to most of us. We may still struggle with our self-perception, but we can celebrate that we no longer drown our moods.
Connecting with the people next to us, though difficult, is no longer impossible when we rely on the program.
There is a way to be a part of the action, a way that never fails. It takes only a small effort, really.
We can simply look, with love, at someone nearby today and extend our hearts in honest attention. When we make someone else feel special, we'll become special too.
Recovery can help each of us move beyond the boundaries of our own ego. Trusting that our lives are in the loving care of God, however we understand God, relieves us of the need for self-centeredness. We can let go of ourselves now that God is in charge, and we'll discover that we have joined the action.
I will open my heart, and I'll be joined to all that's around me.

We can "look, with lovvvvvvvve, at someone nearby today and extend our hearts in honest attention"?!!!!

HELLOOOOOO???????
*gakkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk*

Tossing computers isn't 'allowed'.
But I did close the window and said a few 'spiritual' words. :-\

Practice, practice, practice......*sigh*

"How much do we need to let go of?" a friend asked one day.
"I'm not certain," I replied, "but maybe everything."

Letting go is a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical process, a sometimes mysterious metaphysical process of releasing to God and the Universe that which we are clinging to so tightly.

We let go of our grasp on people, outcomes, ideas, feelings, wants, needs, desires - everything.
We let go of trying to control our progress in life. Yes, it's important to acknowledge and accept what we want and what we want to happen.
But it's equally important to follow through by letting go.

Letting go is the action part of faith. It is a behavior that gives God and the Universe permission to send us what we're meant to have.

Letting go means we acknowledge that hanging on so tightly isn't helping to solve the problem, change the person, or get the outcome we desire.
It isn't helping us. In fact, we learn that hanging on often blocks us from getting what we want and need.

Who are we to say that things aren't happening exactly as they need to happen?

There is magic in letting go. Sometimes we get what we want soon after we let go. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes the specific outcome we desire doesn't happen.
Something better does.
Letting go sets us free and connects us at the same time.
Letting go creates the optimum environment for the best possible outcomes and solutions.

Today, I will relax. I will let go of that which is upsetting me the most. I will trust that by letting go, I have started the wheels in motion for things to work out in the best possible way.

*sigh*
I was afraid the fairies were gonna tell me 'practice, practice, practice'....

Boundaries, fairies and to be continued--no doubt

Developing Healthy Tolerance

Many of us are skilled at denying and discounting what hurts us.
We may endure a particular situation, telling ourselves repeatedly it's not that bad; we shouldn't be so demanding; it'll change any day; we should be able to live with it; it doesn't annoy us; the other person didn't really mean it; it doesn't hurt; maybe it's just us.
We may fight and argue with ourselves about the reality and validity of our pain - our right to feel it and do something about it.
Often we will tolerate too much or so much that we become furious and refuse to tolerate any more.

We can learn to develop healthy tolerance.

We do that by setting healthy boundaries and trusting ourselves to own our power with people.
We can lessen our own pain and suffering by validating and paying attention to ourselves. We can work at shortening the time between identifying a need to set a boundary, and taking clear, direct action.
We aren't crazy. Some behaviors really do bug us. Some behaviors really are inappropriate, annoying, hurtful, or abusive.

We don't have to feel guilty about taking care of ourselves once we identify a boundary that needs to be set.
Look at the experience as an experiment in owning our power, in establishing new, healthy boundaries and limits for ourselves.

We don't have to feel guilty or apologize or explain ourselves after we've set a boundary.

We can learn to accept the awkwardness and discomfort of setting boundaries with people.
We can establish our rights to have these limits.
We can give the other person room to have and explore his or her feelings; we can give ourselves room to have our feelings - as we struggle to own our power and create good, working relationships.
Once we can trust our ability to take care of ourselves, we will develop healthy reasonable tolerance of others.

The harder part for me (once I'm done with the 'insanities'--'letting go' isn't something that I'm always willing to do) is accepting when another doesn't want a 'healthy' relationship. Getting to follow through can really suck sometimes.......
*sigh*
But I'm sure the reading fairies will be helping me out with that one soon.
Oh boy oh joy---I can hardly wait.........LOL
With MY luck, it'll be about 'practice, practice, practice'!!
Pfffffffffffttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :-P

I'm workin' on it, I'm workin' on it!!

Four boxes filled with wrapped gifts--ready to mail!

Three bags of pretzels now officially 'dipped'! (that's a whole LOT of dipping!)

And five prezzies mysteriously appeared under the tree that I didn't put there---himself tells me they're rocks.
*frowning*
That's not an unlikey thing, truth be told.......

We did a mental check --and we've got rocks in every room BUT the study.
I know I'm not the only rock thief on the planet. But that's a heck of a lot of rocks!
OH the stories the rocks could tell.....thankfully they're not talking. ;-)

We've got the reindeer placemats on the table, all the windows have candle lights in 'em now.
The penguin lights are up in the bathroom, complete with penguin decor........
AND--I can sorta kinda see the carpet in the guestroom.........if I shove the sacks out of the way.

PROGRESS!!!!!!!!!
Right? LOL

QOTW 12/3

Quickly---What are five things that you know?

I know my keyboard is disgustingly dirty.

I know my coffee is near cold. (yuk!)

I know I need to dust in the study cuz there's dirty ucky stuff hugging the blades of the ceiling fan. (gross!!)

I know I'm glad that I cancelled my Sunday morning meetings--I don't need to be running around right now, I need the 'rest and heal' time.

I know the Brit's playing with Trots cuz I can hear the jelly beans hitting the coffee table. LOL
(which means I also know I need to buy more penguin poop! ROFL)

A-one and a-two....

http://www.workman.com/boynton

EVERYbody sing!!!

Now lots of other penguins seem to do fine
In a universe of nothing but ice
But if I could be yours
And you could be mine
Our cozy little world would be twice as nice--

I wanna be your personal penguin
I wanna talk to you night and day
I wanna be your personal penguin
I want to listen to whatever you say

lalalalalalalalalaaaaaaaa

*chuckling*

DAVY JONES, no less!

I know what I'll be singin' all night!

One can't have too many penguins........

Ain't he just the cutest little thing? :-)
The Brit decided his name is 'Trots the Penguin'.
Oy.....LOL He means it with the utmost love and affection.
We've been holed up in this house toooooooooooo long together, huh?
Trots the Penguin arrived in the mail yesterday. In a box that rattled--which made me curiouser than curious.
It's that time of year--boxes arrive and you gotta ASK if you can open 'em.
This came from my sister who's so freaking the direct polar opposite of me, it's pathetic.
Anything that comes hard to me, comes easy to her.
She's kindly without any effort, artsy without any thought and just plain NICE.
She got all the 'nice genes', I'm tellin' ya.

So the boxeS arrived yesterday--two.
One rattled and I was.........ummm......concerned. *nodding head* Yep, that's it....I was concerned--so I rang her to get permission to OPEN THE BOX. :-D
Of course I got permission. She's nice like that.
And there was Trots the Penguin. Yeah, yeah.....himself named him seconds after I freed the penguin from the evil box. I think a week of dealing with a flu infested 'erindoors is getting to him.
OH..........and I got a book about a personal penguin.........and a rubber ball with penguins trapped inside with sparkley stuff--and penguin socks........and a duckie!! (more on the duckie later!!)
My sister is so cool.........she sent on prezzies cuz I was sickly AND she sent the holiday gifts in the other box cuz she knew I'd wanna peek and play......LOL
Play..........but no peekie!!
:-)
See, told ya she was nice without effort.

I was worried that Trots the Penguin was broken cuz he rattled.
I wanted him to make the noises, dangit--I couldn't find the darn button to turn him on...And the poor penguin rattled something fierce. I was kinda bummed....broken toys suck......
Darned if I couldn't open him to fix him though.....And I tried all angles, twisting his head (carefully, mind you), pushing his tummy--you name it, I tried it.
I even got out the screwdriver to do surgery. LOL (whining the whole time, of course.....'mine's BROKE' musta came outta my mouth a few dozen times......)

I.............got a broken penguin........ *sniffle*

Da dahdah daaaaaaa......Super Brit to the rescue!!

He fixed him, he fixed him!!! Yup........the Brit gave him the once over, set him on the table, pushed his head down and fixed the rattle!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I promptly lost it. LOL
Trots--poops jelly beans.

I suppose there's something sick and wrong about enjoying all this.....LOL

But I love him, I love him, I LOVE him!!

Fairy talk:

Putting Our Life on Hold

We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be.
That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.

That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the skewed-up beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get ourselves into this situation without realizing we're doing it. And suddenly we find ourselves 'waiting'--waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold while we wait. There will be repercussions from doing this.
Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.

What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?

Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime we have manifested good, for ourselves, by living our own life and taking the control that we relinqushed back.

Stopping living our life to make a thing happen-- doesn't work.
All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.

Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.

There's a few chapters in my life this fairy knew about.
For such an independent, self sufficient, oppositional, self reliant cuss--how I ended up putting life on hold was a mystery.
I got pretty angry with myself when I awakened to the fact that I had.
Angrier still when I got a tried and true lesson on what 'living a life' REALLY is made of.
Just when I thought I 'got it', it got made abundantly clear to me that I didn't know sick'em.

Every once in a while it's a good checkpoint to look back and then look down--to see where my feet really are today.
And to check to make sure that they're really MY FEET.

At the setting of the sun

And it isn't the things you do, dear,
It's the things you leave undone
Which gives you a bit of a heartache
At the setting of the sun.--Margaret Sangster

Here's to living a day with no regrets.

The schemer and the coward

A simple plan

The plan, you see, was a simple one. After all, Seeless is a squirrel and the itty bitty finchie fella was--well, itty bitty!! Seeless is smart like that and had it all figured out. Until the stupid woodpecker (affectionately known as Sally to us humans) decided to grab a bite to eat....or a peck, whichever it is that woodpeckers do. Sally disturbed Seeless, dontchaknow. Sally did not disturb the itty bitty finchie fella.
But never fear!! Seemore to the rescue of Seeless!! (yeah.......well, Seemore is the cowardly one hiding behind Seeless.......lotsa help HE was!!)
Seemore was kind enough to volunteer to keep watch on the upper branch and encouraged Seeless to go whomp on the itty bitty finchie guy and steal all the goodies. (more proof of Seemore's bravery, huh?)
Sally took off cuz she was full...not because she felt threatened by either of the squirrels. Seemore (the coward) raced off the tree as Sally took flight. And Seeless?
Braved it and went out on the limb.

I wish I could have captured the moment that Seeless twisted around that branch, lost hold and landed on the ground.............and hopped away with an "I meant to do that" bounce.

And the itty bitty finchie fella......didn't budge an inch.
LOL

Are there any questions about why the Brit took pity on the 'poor hungry little squirrels' and opted to put a pile of food for them on the ground?! ROFL