The place where buttons and licorice swirlies live

Yes thank you...

I kow HOW it hapened, I'm just sad that it did.  *sigh*  I'll hope that I'm wrong. But when you don't see them for a couple of weeks and you'd been seeing them a couple times a week in various meetings....that's scarey enough.  I had an icky feeling when he handed me the key and asked me to open up for the meeting 2 weeks ago.  But when he handed me the cash and the ledger, too...*sigh*  Not so much feeling good about that.

"Not planning anything dumb, are ya?"

Oh no, no, no I was told.
I think I knew.  I asked if I could ring him mid week to see how his kid did at the dance competition.  Oh no, no -- his wife wouldn't take kindly to that.
I made sure he had my number.

And last night when I tried to hand the key to the old fart, he told me to keep it...and the money, cuz I was gonna be the group's treasurer.

...k...

"Yes, thank you, I think I'd like to do that....ummm...I'm feeling compelled to ask..."

We don't know.  All we know is he's ceased to show up...but we know the odds aren't good.

So.....*sigh*…yippee I get to play treasurer?
Like I've not done this before?  LOL
Right, keep tabs on the money and keep prayin'.

Daily Reading

Sometimes, the way is not clear.

Our minds get clouded, confused. We aren't certain what our next step should be, what it will look like, what direction we are headed.

This is the time to stop, ask for guidance, and rest. That is the time to let go of fear. Wait. Feel the confusion and chaos, and then let it go. The path will show itself. The next step shall be revealed. We don't have to know now. We will know in time. Trust that. Let go and trust.

Today, I will wait if the way is not clear. I will trust that out of the chaos will come clarity.

Hungry Caterpillar ... I'm drooling....

And in this corner.....

Today's Reading

There is an end to grief if we have the courage to accept our personal goodness and our ongoing right to happiness. -- Justin Langley  

Making peace with our losses takes time and trust. In the past, we may have acted in ways that were heartbreaking to ourselves and others. But now we have a new choice; we can walk the road of self-forgiveness and stop punishing ourselves for past deeds, or we can decide that we don't deserve to feel good, that clinging to our pain, guilt, and self-loathing will somehow make up for some of the damage.  

Believing our wrongs are too great to be righted leaves us in a perpetual state of mourning. It's a risk, but we can choose to believe that change is possible, not all at once but slowly, one day at a time.  Believing that God loves us and wants us to be happy gives us the courage to make amends and face our past head on. When we take the leap of faith necessary to grieve and let go of the past, we take back our best selves, and the lives we were meant to live.

G'head and ask......

ASK me how I am!

I'll tell you about the amazing moment at the grocery store when the frazzled mom couldn't get the machine to read her debit card.  And I'd tell you about the clerk who was trying to help by entering the number again and again.  Sweet--but ineffective.

And I'd tell you how blessed I was to be waiting in line so I could tell the clerk to ring it up with my stuff so the mom could go home with the baby.

Wow.....talk about a JOYFUL moment......

G'head -- ask me how I am!!

I'll tell you about the 'WHOA' moment as the sunset formed a column up to the clouds.  It was amazing...

Seriously--When's the last time I made the time for sunset?

When's the last time bothered to stop on the way home to just BE?

....or did a random act of kindness.

....or shared something I've baked or made?

....or given a hug to someone even though I'm not the huggy kind?

Truth is, I get really tired of the realities I'm operating under today.  Don't we all.  Oh, but even though  the realities didn't change the past few days... I've sure wore them different.

And it mattered.

I'm gonna have GREAT fun with this one!  Already am!

Defrosting

Rawrrr and grrrr.....

k...so I'm not panicked or anything......I love my little desktop computery stuff and my time in the study in the morning.

But--apparently I'm 'outdated' with the Window's XP and no ones going to support it any more.  Outdated....it's got 250GB of hard drive and plenty of memory....and suddenly it's outdated?!
Outdated.  Sheeeshhhhh.....
As in 'old and no longer cared for'.

That's not cool.
And Microsoft Windows has provided support for 12 years...but now they're movin' on....spending their time supporting the new and innovative.

I DON'T WANNA buy a new computer.  I'm pretty sure Microsoft understands that--which is why they let me know that I have 2 options.  One is to hope what I have supports the new Window's 8.1 OR.....by golly, I can buy a new computer for 1/3rd of the cost that I paid for this one!
:-/

I DON'T WANNA new computer.  I want someone to support (apparently) the old and decrepit.  *sigh*

And no......I'm NOT whining......(much......LOL)

TFTD

We can read hundreds of college catalogs, but it's when we register for a course, buy a textbook, and begin to study that we are on our way to a degree.  Two factors inhibit our beginning a project. The first is lack of clear motivation, and the second is fear of failure. If we don't really want to do something, it's hard to get started. So, if motivation is a problem, we may need to reconsider our choice of projects.  

As for fear of failure, this may be something that we step over and around as we move forward. It is not a good reason for aborting a dream. If, in spite of fear of failure, we make a beginning, we will find that the fear shrinks with every step we take. Action is the catalyst. We learn how to do something by doing it.

Daily Reading

True expressions of love are said to come from a source which lies beneath words and thoughts. --W. Timothy Gallwey

Remember when we just knew Grandmother loved us, even if she didn't say anything? Her smile or hug said it all. We can always feel another's love - when it's real.  Likewise, the words of love, when they come from a heart that's cold, don't ring true to our ears. We hear them, but our hearts can't feel them. So the gulf between us widens and we remain two lonely people.

Feeling true love for another may be foreign to us, and we may have to practice thinking loving thoughts and saying loving words to become familiar with the feelings love engenders. But real love lies deep within our center and only awaits our knowledge of it.

Sharin'the joy!

Yup.....doing it!!!

Of course I'll need a LOT of sticky notes.  LOL.

Next person who asks how I'm feeling...I'm layin' out one of my joys!!
I better hope they ask soon....before it falls outta my head.  ;-)

Country Quiet

No magic wand?

Yup.  Last week I was worried about being bored to death.  This week it's going to mean working under the gun and trying tto not choke people.  Deep end of the pool stuff.
And I really need to get into the routine, whatever that looks like.  LOL...I keep trying, but appointments and sickness keep driving the bus.

But I have a very nice gal who told me I looked really good.  LOL...I dress that way.  I have 35 years of training on how to make it look like it's not.  Heck, I have a whole lifetime of that.  Which is why I don't usually wear my pain.  Which brought me to the appointment.  Maybe I needed her to see me in the afternoon when I get more read-able....nah, she either heard me or she didn't.  I think she heard me.  I have different medications and a test scheduled.  And she was so nice I didn't think grabbing her by the jacket was required.

And the bottom line is I can call my doc and see him again if I don't think this is working.  Or her, cuz she invited me to do that.  She's just.....too nice.  LOL...at least she's too nice for me to harass quite yet.  Might happen later!
It's early in the deal with her....cuz apparently she doesn't have a magic wand.  Unless the test shows something....then she might....or might not.
*sigh*  Where'd all the magic wands go to....

More from the fairy

No person was ever honored for what he received. Honor has been the reward for what he gave.

--Calvin Coolidge

There's really only one way to achieve self-respect and that is to act respectably. We can't go back and undo our past. But we can act and behave respectably today, so that when we close our eyes tonight to go to sleep, we can say we have self-respect. A day at a time or an hour at a time, it's our actions now that count. If we put our self-respect on hold, saying something like "I'll have self-respect when I graduate," or "I'll have self-respect when I get a good job," we are putting off what we should do today. But when we live in the present, knowing it's all we have, we can give our best effort to life today.

TFTD

I find it awfully hard to give myself a break. I don't know where that attitude comes from.

--Walker I.

"I can't. I shouldn't. It's my fault." These self-abasing and self-defeating thoughts are expressions of shame. Because repeated thoughts turn into beliefs and long-held beliefs turn into actions, thoughts rooted in shame can lead to tragedy.

People who live in shame come to believe that it is not okay to make a mistake. They imagine they should know what to do without having to learn it. They think their wrong judgments mean they themselves are wrong.

But it is human to make mistakes. If we acknowledge we are human, we are defining ourselves as people who always have something to learn (Thomas Edison failed to perfect the light bulb until his ten-thousandth try). We are saying we have to keep going if our plans don't work out right away (Walt Disney went bankrupt seven times before he met with success).

"Thou shalt not be human" is the command of shame. What rubbish! How can we be anything else? Why would we want to be?

 I will live comfortably with human limitations. I will try to accept from myself what I accept from others.

Things that make me happy....

....horehound drops cuz I don't like that menthyl stuff when I have a cough or sore throat.

....glimpses of green hidden under last year's leaves.

....disappearing mounds of white.

....wind for kites.

....the start of baseball season.

....not having to stop the car every 20 minutes for a wander around.

....hauling some pots out on the patio and dreamin'.  LOL

Fairy Diddy

Be patient with everyone, but above all with yourself . . . do not be disappointed by your imperfections, but always rise up with fresh courage.

How are you to be patient in dealing with your neighbor's faults if you are impatient in dealing with your own?

They who are worried by their own shortcomings will not correct them.

All positive progress comes from a calm and peaceful mind.

ummmm.....k!!

I'm all set for tomorrow's appointment, I assure he-who-worries that I know where I'm going and I can get there just fine....yes, I know which elevator, yes, I know which floor, yes I have my paperwork and money for parking!!  Eeeesssshhhh!!!

And then he asks if I'll be fine with the 'roundabout.

'Roundabout!!!!

OMG.....the 'roundabout.
....k...yup, it'll be good.  The arrows on the ground indicate where you wanna end up....NOT the direction you're turning.  You're going to go right no matter which direction you're aiming to go.....soooooo...I'm gonna stay in the lane with the straight arrow EVEN THOUGH I'm really gonna head right.
And I'll how to get OFF this 'roundabout HOW?!

I'm relatively sure nobody's gonna mind if I go 'round and 'round....and 'round again....

Here's your sign....