Some of us easily slip into a pattern of saying "I'm sorry" every time our mate/friend/family is offended or unhappy with our actions.
We want to please, or we hate conflict, so we choose the appearance of peace and its good feelings rather than trying to truly resolve and repair problems.
Genuine repair starts with regret and follows up with efforts to change our behavior or attitude.
If we just give empty apologies and do not back up our words with actions, we put ourselves down and drain the trust from our relationship.
A genuine apology is personal, clear, and specific.
It suggests a change in future behavior.
The personal part says I am sorry that I hurt you; the clear and specific parts name exactly what action we regret; and then we say how we will make repair.
If we say, "I'm sorry you feel bad," we are expressing sympathy, but we are not apologizing for our behavior.
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