Okay.
I think he might be right.
I made a point to let the boss know, after a failed attempt to ask questions of him (mostly cuz I couldn't without turning into a sobbing, messy heap) that I wasn't mad at him.
He told me it was okay--and that he thought I might be mad, thinking there was something he could do/say to stop what was happening.
I told him I'd think about that one.
I have.
I think he might be right.
I think there's some part of me that believed that he could stop this.
"It's going to happen. I need you to come to terms with that."
Even putting that in black and white starts to rattle my world.
I quickly move--cuz I don't like what that personally means to ME.... so I run straight to how freaking selfish that is.....and immediately turn towards the lives of the people around me that will be affected.
And it all gets overwhelming. Disasterously and devastingly overwhelming.....
It's going to happen.
If I'm angry thinking there was something he could do or say to stop all of this from happening--I can only imagine how that'll be for every one of those people whose worlds will go upside down....right along with mine...if they even recognize that 'as goes theirs, so goes mine....'
Yeah--I doubt that'll be recognized.
I'll be bringing devastation into their lives.
My whole world and every relationship in it--is going to change.
Yup--I'm angry with him.
There's a great preview of how it's going to be when I'm in his position.
It ain't gonna be pretty.
NONE of this is going to be pretty.
Wrap my head around it--come to terms with it......
I haven't managed that yet.
I don't know if I'm going to be able to manage that.
So far I ain't doing that hot with it.
And I'm running out of time. I know that.......
There are times that I well and truly wish I'd NEVER caught on to this 'compassion' jazz--where I'd just remained that cold, emotionally removed, 'OH well....sucks to be YOU' thinkin'/dealin' kinda gal.
I think this is one of those times......
9 comments:
'There are times that I well and truly wish I'd NEVER caught on to this 'compassion' jazz--where I'd just remained that cold, emotionally removed, 'OH well....sucks to be YOU' thinkin'/dealin' kinda gal."
But then, you wouldn't be the compassionate, caring, and loving human being that you are.
You and I are the same, dear lady. I seem to get more emotional and protective over someone who I deeply care about, having to go through something difficult. I'm one of those people who will vehemently speak out in someone else's protection.
Libra's I guess, hu?
Sending ya a HUGE hug....
(((( Mel ))))
X
You are going through a tough time.
To show compassion is a gift - even though it hurts.
Take care of yourself.
I seem to have been behind in reading your posts.
Your red leave is AWESOME!!
I've done overwhelming and overwhelming has done me. There's no consolation prize, but I'm still here. Helpless people like me need helpless people like you even if it's just to be there.
I see compassion in every word you write. Mel, please let me know how you are doing - (((MEL)))
Oh I can't spell - I mean leaf not leave!!!
Thinking of you and sending best wishes.
Mel, I've only known you a short time, but I cannot imagine you without the compassion - that's the way we like you!
Yes those who have it suffer more than those who hide it away behind a tough exterior, but what type of person would you rather be?
Compassion is a strength, not a weakness.
Love J xx
hugs, dearheart
Don't confuse compassion and kindness with weakness.
It is not the same, but it is a challenge. Remember, you wouldn't even have the opportunity if it were back in "those" days.
It will be good, I know it, I feel it.
Peace
(((((((((((((MEL)))))))))))))
(I thought you needed another one)
((((Mel))))
Okay - I've typed something like four responses to this so far, and none of them are *right*. bluh.
You are an inspiration. You are looked up to, and that has to be a pretty heavy thing to bear at times.
But I'm so glad that you're you. And I'm so glad that you don't let me get away with being complacent in how I care for and treat others and myself.
Hugs to you and much love.
S
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