UPAT

I suck at this.  I really do.  The doc knows it, his team knows it.  PRETTY sure he put it on the chart in bold letters.  I've read it multiple times in his summary of visits......I manage pain well.  I pretty well 'suck it up' and 'keep moving'.  I know that's not a bad thing.  It just makes it difficult for me to converse about pain levels--which makes it difficult for them to treat it.  LOL  "That's NOT nice" is my answer.  (that's until some police officer offers to move me off of the ice with a broken leg--then it's accompanied with colourful language and a well placed slug).
I required two nerve blocks in recovery.  They asked for a number or a word......I couldn't answer either time they asked. I was a bit tearful and a bit busy trying not to breathe.  Yup--they guessed me at a 10.  I'm thinkin' they were probably right.
I still haven't recovered the full range of feeling in that left leg.....(*note to self:  tell the doc next visit)

They did a number on that leg--this I know for certain.  I didn't know the scale of what that meant and I've been chasing that reality ever since I woke up from the surgery.  It wasn't the run of the mill surgery. This is why two other hospitals refused to touch me when I first broke the darn thing.  It's also a part of why we chased trying to avoid the darn surgery, tacking on 9 months of a failed attempt in the whole stupid process.

I still have issues with how I'm seeing this--I think "broken leg.......whoopie ding. Cast it, get up and go."
When I think major surgery, I think what the sister went through. This is/was NOT the same magnitude.  It's a stupid broken leg.  It's a stupid broken leg that we've been working to 'fix' for 10 months now.
Oy.......  I'm cranky.

I do suck at the pain deal.  Part of the 'why we're here' is because I sucked it up and kept moving when there was a significant amount of pain that I couldn't articulate....or wouldn't....  The bone shifted early in the gig and I believe when it did that, I lost some of that window of opportunity for healing to happen.

I don't DO pain very well.
Wait....I DO do pain very well. I don't articulate that it's happening--I suck it up and keep moving.
I don't wanna NOT own the pain if it's present--but I don't wanna make it bigger than it is cuz I really DO have a good threshold for pain.  I'll let you know when I hit the wall.  But like other times in my life--they don't WANT me to hit the wall.....they want me to keep ahead of it so I DON'T hit the wall.

This is the part that I struggle with.  And I have the history of struggling with it.....I suck at it.
I don't wanna take pain medications--they make me fuzzy, they make me forget stuff--they're a narcotic for crying out loud. I didn't abuse this stuff when I was out using!  I didn't wanna 'slow down and go nite nite'....I wanted to gogogo forever!  Yeah.....notsomuch fond of the 'downers' end of the spectrum.  *sigh*  But I DO have the potential for abuse regardless, I know this.  The doc knows this...pretty sure THAT'S in bold letters on the chart, too.  I toss that card on the top of the pile from the word get-go.

I haven't quite figured this deal out......  I can go all day without pain medications--and then 5pm comes. (Oy....something about the evening...)
I can have 2 every 4 hours.  I've been trying to take nothing--and then 5pm happens and I take one.  10pm happens and I'm taking another one and hoping I can just go nite-nite and wake up feeling better.
Repeat!
It's the "repeat" deal that I'm not pleased about.  It's three weeks post surgery.  Himself says "It's only three weeks."
I keep looking at him like he's nutz....it's three weeks--there's no 'only' to it!  It's working up to a month here, buckaroo!  I should NOT still be taking pain medications and having the level of pain that requires that I DO take pain medications....and is it really pain or am I simply taking it because it's discomfort and I don't want it to explode INto pain.
I love second guessing my decisions.
He-who-pushes-me-to-take-the-medications is quick to point out the physician had no issue giving me a refill script for use during the next six weeks.  I haven't finished the first script.
I don't know what's 'normal' for this procedure--and I don't know when I oughta be concerned about the pain.....'cept he did tell me if the meds don't make the pain go bye-bye....call the doctor on call and don't wait.
I figure I've gone all day without pain medication--small wonder at 5pm it's not feeling so 'nice'.  Taking the second at 10pm and going nite-nite, waking up and feeling better.....sounds normal to me!  But what the heck do I know.  I sucked it up when the bone shifted in the first cast.
Yup--I'm nervous.  That's the deal.
Took me all this typing to get to that truth.

*sigh*
I know.....I'm gonna HAFFTA ring the doc and sound like an idiot........again.....
Oh boy!!!!
One of my favoritest things to do!!!

NOT!!!!!!!