I'm gonna have to give some thought to this. I'm just not sure what I think and how I feel about stuff.at the moment. It's probably good that I have 4 months before the next appointment unless there's a problem, of course. She's good about making sure that I know I don't have to (nor should I) wait on stuff until the next appointment.
So.....I got to decide exactly what I wanted to do with the side effects--all which are "normal" side effects. And no, I haven't gained "a lot of weight.....she told me it was a "whopping 1.1 kilos" before I could cut her off and remind her that I was the gal who stands backwards on the scale and darn that I do that....for a reason! *sigh*
I didn't want to start over. I already know what the lower dose does for me. And I've generally been a "suck it up and get over it" kinda gal.....so I'm gonna suck it up and see if it all sorta evens itself out.
So doc will go away for 3 weeks vacation (I have her interns number...LOL) And I'll try to maintain this state of "more manageable" for four months. If I can do that, she'll "release me back to the care of my doctor".
I think I was originally stunned....confused, maybe....stupidly "happy"? Happy to go back to the ortho surgeon cuz I like my doc and believes he cares that I'm "fixed".
Last night I didn't sleep worth a damn.
Today there's an odd sense of ambivalence about going back....cuz that means this is as good as it gets. This is as good as it gets?!
I know that I tolerate a heck of a lot more than most folks.
My doc believes me when I rate my pain at an 8 and act like it's just another day in paradise...after all, I walked around 80/90% weight bearing on a nonunion / broken femur.
.....For 9 months.
But, seriously? This is as good as it gets and I'm not going to be cured from this 'all the time' pain? This is it?
I have to work a bit on that.....and I have 4 months to wrap my brain around accepting that this is the best it's going to get....even as a 70 year old....when I'm older and more tired....and less devoted to making life work with this degree of THIS.
5 comments:
It is indeed a bummer, I truly feel for you.. and totally understand. It's kinda where I'm at and apparently will stay. Another surgery would only make it worse, and I don't want worse.
Living with pain oughta be outlawed.
Hang in there, my friend.
Oh crap. There's nothing I can say, is there? I hope it does get better than it is now, maybe different meds have fewer side effects and help more.
Mel, it blows me away that they can't find some way to control (or reduce or remove) the amount of pain you're in!?!
During these next four months, is there any way you can look into alternative methods that could possibly help? I'll tell ya, when I had those major problems going on with my teeth a few years ago, I used various alternative modalities and things like herbs to get me through the pain part and they really worked.
Just a thought.
In the meantime, please know that I am always sharing 'energy' with you in my meditations.
((((((((((( You )))))))))))))
X
I hope that knowing people are listening and care helps a little bit.
As I read "as good as it gets" I felt a certain tightness in my chest. I get that 'place' where you are, though I can not even imagine your ability to 'deal' with pain. But...surely enough is enough and I haven't quit asking for you to be relieved of all your pain. I think I need to take it up with HIM again. This is not what we want for you.
{{{{{{Me}}}}}}
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