I caused myself a lot of unnecessary grief by trying to be 'unselfish', to think of everybody else first, myself last, and to try to please everybody. But you can't please everybody.
You can knock yourself out doing this and that and the other thing to please your cousins and your sisters and your aunts, and you find out that they are not really affected one way or the other. Please everybody, nobody's pleased; please yourself, at least you're pleased.
Charity begins at home, and enlightened self-interest is a basic endowment of human nature. You can save yourself a lot of grief by admitting the futility of trying to please everybody, or of trying to please somebody who just can't be pleased.
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