Unfurled

Cars will stop today for bandages and all sorts of medical advice.  I'm gonna take a number and get in line.

Next week I have an appointment with the Pain Medicines Physician.  I met the man once before and didn't leave with a good impression.  He didn't know what I was doing there and the receptionist gave him the BOX of medical information my insurance folks had sent him weeks before I was to see him.  Duh!  *sigh*  If anything, perhaps I ought to be unimpressed by his clerical staff and reserve my skepticism of his medical expertise.  He DID rattle off a host of other things that could be tried--and scripted me an increase to the breakthrough pain medications which I turned into the pharmacist but didn't fill because he wasn't my physician at the time and I had an appointment to see HER the following week.

THAT appointment turned into a clustered mess which resulted in me seeing her student who somehow concluded that I was stable on the medications, refused (understandably, because I had just gotten a script for 120 pain pills) to script breakthrough pain medications, concluded they weren't effective so discontinued them and released me to my primary physician.  It was so messed up my insurers were shaking their heads and concluding that, rather than returning me to that Pain Medicines Physician, they were sending me back to the fella who had my BOX of medical records and getting me help somewhere else.

I was included in the decision making--he has the information and can now work me, hopefully with some success.

I'm VERY displeased with the weight gain.  Who wouldn't be.  I'm struggling with the escalating pain which I cannot manage effectively.  But more than that, I'm becoming concerned about some of the 'blips' my brain is having.  NOT that I don't already have weird thinking.  But that's thinking and not 'blips'.  I have no plans to act on the 'blips'.  But because I don't seem to have control of those 'blips', I thought it best to report them to someone....so I did.

I know it's not my normal weird thinking to have this sudden 'blip' of wondering what it would feel like to drive my car into a speeding train, or what it would feel like to drive my car into a concrete embankment, or what it would feel like to seal myself in a garage and die from asphyxiation, or what it would feel like to be out of my body watching himself finding me dead in the garage.  Whoaaaa....

Putting it in black and white makes it LOOK as scary as it must have sounded to the WPIML when I talked to him.....who told me I needed to tell himself and to get in to the Pain Medicines Physician.

Both have been done.  The result is fear, of course.  Not on my part.  I think those 'blips' are just plain weird, but not in the 'normal', entertaining way that my 'normal weird thinking' is.  I don't have any desire to act on any of those 'blips'.  But WPIML had the concern that if I can't control THOSE, what's to say I won't lose control of my actions.

That bit even scared me, though I doubt there'll be time for that given the onset of the 'blips' wasn't sudden and it's not pervasive....yet.

Yup, I need to be first in line for medical attention.  Darn that the flag outside isn't REALLY the Red Cross.  Cuz my mind is a disaster.  LOL. I think I've become that annoying commercial that lists off every side effect under the sun, up to and including eating butterflies.

Sheeessshhh.....

I don't think a Snoopy Bandaid is gonna fix this one, but I'm gonna put one on JUST in case!  :-)