Yup--sat out with the fly swatters, grumbled at himself who turned on the patio lights I'D unplugged (evil June-bugs just HAVE to be attracted to light, dontchaknow...), listened to the gus-birdies congregate in the tree and waited.
And waited.
AND waited.
The whole treefull of gus-birds got silent at 8:48pm.....and I STILL waited.
Nuffin'....
Nada.
Zilch.
NOT A BLESSED ONE.
The moon's pretty.
The breeze is great!
WHERE are my lightening bugs, dangit?!?!
*sigh*
Oh where oh where have my lightening bugs gone
Oh where oh where can they beeeeeeeee.......lalalala
*sigh*
Tuesday, June 07, 2011
Yes--I sucked my thumb....
And I mean I seriously sucked my thumb.
Every night--without fail. Way past the time when it was socially acceptable to suck ones' thumb.
I stopped when I was threatened with losing something.
NOT because my teeth were going to be crooked.
NOT because my thumb was going to fall off.
NOT because I even particularly wanted to.
I stopped when I discovered it was the reason my best friend didn't want to have me over to her house for sleep-overs, especially if there were other people involved. Fact is, she was backing out of the relationship cuz she was getting grief from other kids about my 'habit'--she got mad enough, stuck in the middle enough--she finally got around to ridiculing me about it.
Honest.
Some best friend, eh?
I ended up alone. And I quit with the thumb.
I knew the friendship wasn't going to be restored......didn't matter.
End of story.
Except that's the story of my life.
I visited a weblog that had a quote from a book the gal had read:
Changing because you were caught doesn't make you honest.
Changing because you were forced to confess and now live under watchful eyes doesn't make you fixed.
Change because you can't live being who you are.
And change alone.
At first read I wanted to dispute what was written.
Certainly there were changes made in my life that happened because I had a simple desire to do different.......a 'problem' I'd identified and resolved to alter--and actually DID....without duress, without a gun to the head, without having to end up on the losing end of the deal....without loss of some type.
Nope.
Not long lasting, becomes a 'bit of all that Mel IS' change.
Oh, sure--I did brief stints, making changes in how I operated until I got what I wanted/avoided the disaster that I didn't want.
And back I'd go.
Doing what I'd always done.....
The significant, long lasting, 'change in all that Mel IS'--have been painful, lonely things.
Well worth the end results--but still painful, lonely things.
I think I could be embarassed about it if I let myself be.
But there's no shame here--it's just what's true in Mel's world.
Change because you can't live being who you are.
And change alone.
I know this one well.
It's the stuff my life has been made up of.
I also know those first two lines well.....also 'stuff' my life has been made up of:
Changing because you were caught doesn't make you honest.
Changing because you were forced to confess and now live under watchful eyes doesn't make you fixed.
I played that game.
I bought AND sold those lies.
Didn't work.
Righteous indignation that anyone would even question your credibility about having changed--also didn't work. Tried that.
The proof was in the living--and I lived out the truth no matter what my mouth said.
I ended up changing because I couldn't live being who I was.
And I changed alone.
The direct result of the very thing I knew was a problem but was unwilling to simply make the choice to DO different and follow through.......
I'd prefer to have a different experience in any other significant, long lasting changes I'm looking at wanting/needing to make.......
I apparently need to consult others who've operated differently and didn't need the experiences to the degree that I apparently needed to 'get around to' making changes in their lives.
I shall put an ad on Yahoo!
*nodding*
I'm sure that'll reap great rewards.
Every night--without fail. Way past the time when it was socially acceptable to suck ones' thumb.
I stopped when I was threatened with losing something.
NOT because my teeth were going to be crooked.
NOT because my thumb was going to fall off.
NOT because I even particularly wanted to.
I stopped when I discovered it was the reason my best friend didn't want to have me over to her house for sleep-overs, especially if there were other people involved. Fact is, she was backing out of the relationship cuz she was getting grief from other kids about my 'habit'--she got mad enough, stuck in the middle enough--she finally got around to ridiculing me about it.
Honest.
Some best friend, eh?
I ended up alone. And I quit with the thumb.
I knew the friendship wasn't going to be restored......didn't matter.
End of story.
Except that's the story of my life.
I visited a weblog that had a quote from a book the gal had read:
Changing because you were caught doesn't make you honest.
Changing because you were forced to confess and now live under watchful eyes doesn't make you fixed.
Change because you can't live being who you are.
And change alone.
At first read I wanted to dispute what was written.
Certainly there were changes made in my life that happened because I had a simple desire to do different.......a 'problem' I'd identified and resolved to alter--and actually DID....without duress, without a gun to the head, without having to end up on the losing end of the deal....without loss of some type.
Nope.
Not long lasting, becomes a 'bit of all that Mel IS' change.
Oh, sure--I did brief stints, making changes in how I operated until I got what I wanted/avoided the disaster that I didn't want.
And back I'd go.
Doing what I'd always done.....
The significant, long lasting, 'change in all that Mel IS'--have been painful, lonely things.
Well worth the end results--but still painful, lonely things.
I think I could be embarassed about it if I let myself be.
But there's no shame here--it's just what's true in Mel's world.
Change because you can't live being who you are.
And change alone.
I know this one well.
It's the stuff my life has been made up of.
I also know those first two lines well.....also 'stuff' my life has been made up of:
Changing because you were caught doesn't make you honest.
Changing because you were forced to confess and now live under watchful eyes doesn't make you fixed.
I played that game.
I bought AND sold those lies.
Didn't work.
Righteous indignation that anyone would even question your credibility about having changed--also didn't work. Tried that.
The proof was in the living--and I lived out the truth no matter what my mouth said.
I ended up changing because I couldn't live being who I was.
And I changed alone.
The direct result of the very thing I knew was a problem but was unwilling to simply make the choice to DO different and follow through.......
I'd prefer to have a different experience in any other significant, long lasting changes I'm looking at wanting/needing to make.......
I apparently need to consult others who've operated differently and didn't need the experiences to the degree that I apparently needed to 'get around to' making changes in their lives.
I shall put an ad on Yahoo!
*nodding*
I'm sure that'll reap great rewards.
Today's Reading
We are as happy as we make up our minds to be, so goes the saying. But happiness is the result of right actions. We prepare for it daily. We chart our course. Many of us have to first determine where we want to go before we can decide on the chart. We have perhaps passively floated along for years. But now the time is right to navigate, to move toward a goal.
We may have fears about moving ahead. We can be courageous, however. Strength is at hand, always, if we but ask for it. We can make a small beginning today. And every day, we can do at least one thing we need to do to bring us closer to our goal. Accomplishment, however small, nurtures good feelings. Happiness is the byproduct.
Monday, June 06, 2011
*limping* Fairy Zinger
There are times when, for no apparent reason or for no good reason at all, people decide that you are not likable. They may even profess to hate you! They will say things to you or about you that will hurt your feelings. Sometimes, they will go out of their way just to be mean and nasty to you. No matter how hard you try to make them like you, they won't! This does not make them bad people. Oh, no! It simply means that they may have "stuff" going on with them that has nothing to do with you. And that will trigger your stuff! That's right! The behavior of the people who don't like you will bring up your abandonment issues. Your issues about being rejected. Your issues about not being good enough, or not doing things right enough. The minute you discover that somebody you think is important to you doesn't like you, all your people-pleasing stuff will be triggered, and you will be forced to deal with it. What a blessing! This is precisely the stuff you need to heal.
Until today, you may have been concerned because you know that there are people who, for one reason or another, just don't like you. Just for today, concern yourself with figuring out why you think they should.
Sunday, June 05, 2011
Are you my mother?
Yup--here we go again.......Last year (or was it the year prior....) we dealt with the baby cardinal--this year (despite my lack of love for the bird....) baby grackle.
The poor thing.
I made himself park in the yard to give the wee birdie plenty of opportunity to be herded home by his parents.
Umm....notsomuch.....
So, I had himself place the baby BACK into the plants where I could hear other babies making a ruckus.
Good in theory--however, VERY clear he wasn't the brother to the ones we tried to place him with. In went three grownups--out came the wee birdie.
Hop, hop, hop......try to flap....and scream. A LOT.
(If you've not had the pleasure of hearing baby grackles--they DO scream....omgosh.....)
He did make it to another place of safety--with the encouragement of his parents.
And then.....out pops another baby grackle.
Certainly he's got to be kidding.....
Repeat. Repeat.
Repeat.
FOUR baby grackles later, all doing their hop, hop, hop...try to flap..and SCREAM routine--I was pretty convinced we had to be done.
We were!
Still other babies in the plants (musta been a couple nests that got relocated thanks to the wind?)--four others transplanted to another private area, far far away from the noise of the remaining, screaming baby grackles.
And today........
Oy.
REPEAT!!!!!!
I wonder how many will cross the yard for parts unknown, today!
<-- will have an excuse to return to patio sitting!
*waving*
Fairy Reading
The Truth Is . . .
We are all doing best we can and still, we sometimes make huge mistakes that hurt the people we care about. Keep this in mind . . . never allow your differences or disturbances with another rob you of the experiences you desire in life. Forgiveness is the key. Give it to yourself then, offer it to someone else who really needs it.
Saturday, June 04, 2011
Hiiiiiiiiieee YA!
Ju jitsu Frank
*laughing*
Oh he's such a cute little ground squirrel..... I coulda sat out there all day on the patio, watchin' him do his little ground squirrely things.
He makes me laugh.....
TFTD
A feeling of self-respect flows into us when we stand up and say "I did something wrong." This statement also says, "I have the strength to face my responsibilities and repair my mistakes." It is surprisingly helpful to our self-esteem, and it improves our relationships.
Today, I will be accountable for my actions and will admit my mistakes.
Friday, June 03, 2011
I have no voice
Literally.
None.
Folks at work told me it was going to be a very 'nice and quiet' day at work--ha!
<-- made answers on notecards
Yes, thank you.
No, thank you.
Have a seat, please.
Please speak with another staff member.
Good morning
Good afternoon
Good evening
(pick one)
AND--
Ha. Ha.
Very funny.
There was a need to invent a few more during the course of the day--however, I won't share those here.
<-- not up to incriminating herself at this moment
They came in handy when the boss came to visit the unit today.
"It'll be a short conversation. I'll talk, you'll listen."
Guess which card got used for THAT one--the smartie pants.....
And lemme tell ya--notecards do not work when you're on the phone.
AT all.
So I had a random child or two do my answering for me, when possible.
And, of course, himself just had the privilege of doing that for me when someone from work rang for administrative approval. I'm on-call 24/7 dontchaknow....
And he-who-thought-it-conducive-for-a-quiet-evening-at-home and felt compelled to make the remark?!
<-- would snicker but has no voice
I DO hope the on-call cell phone doesn't ring at 1a.m.
Oh dear--what a shame that would be.........
:-/
None.
Folks at work told me it was going to be a very 'nice and quiet' day at work--ha!
<-- made answers on notecards
Yes, thank you.
No, thank you.
Have a seat, please.
Please speak with another staff member.
Good morning
Good afternoon
Good evening
(pick one)
AND--
Ha. Ha.
Very funny.
There was a need to invent a few more during the course of the day--however, I won't share those here.
<-- not up to incriminating herself at this moment
They came in handy when the boss came to visit the unit today.
"It'll be a short conversation. I'll talk, you'll listen."
Guess which card got used for THAT one--the smartie pants.....
And lemme tell ya--notecards do not work when you're on the phone.
AT all.
So I had a random child or two do my answering for me, when possible.
And, of course, himself just had the privilege of doing that for me when someone from work rang for administrative approval. I'm on-call 24/7 dontchaknow....
And he-who-thought-it-conducive-for-a-quiet-evening-at-home and felt compelled to make the remark?!
<-- would snicker but has no voice
I DO hope the on-call cell phone doesn't ring at 1a.m.
Oh dear--what a shame that would be.........
:-/
Fairy Reminder
Life is cyclical, not static. Our relationships benefit when we allow them to follow their own natural cycles.
Like the tide ebbs and flows, so do the cycles in relationships. We have periods of closeness and periods of distance. We have times of coming together and times of separating to work on individual issues.
We have times of love and joy, and times of anger.
Sometimes, the dimensions of relationships change as we go through changes. Sometimes, life brings us new friends or a new loved one to teach us the next lesson.
That does not mean the old friend disappears forever. It means we have entered a new cycle.
We do not have to control the course of our relationships, whether these be friendships or love relationships. We do not have to satisfy our need to control by imposing a static form on relationships.
Let it flow. Be open to the cycles. Love will not disappear. The bond between friends will not sever. Things do not remain the same forever, especially when we are growing and changing at such a rapid pace.
Trust the flow. Take care of yourself, but be willing to let people go. Hanging on to them too tightly will make them disappear.
Thursday, June 02, 2011
Today's Reading
Sometimes we devote so much effort to being what we are not, that we lose the chance to be what we are.
We have one identity for this person and another for that one.
Our co-workers, neighbors, friends, and family all expect different things of us, leaving us wondering who we actually are.
How can we be so many different things to so many people?
We were created with unique characteristics for a purpose, even if that purpose isn't always clear to us. We need to be who we really are, and to be the best we can be, knowing that God approves because God created us as we are.
I will be the best me that I know how to be.
Wednesday, June 01, 2011
Things that make me happy
....kidnapping a small child! (k..not just 'any' small child...THAT small child, yaknow--the Bug)
....bright blossoms on the rescued hibiscus.....both of 'em! Wooohoooo!!!
....the return of Mr. Toad to the flower garden.
....hearing the neighbor say "We'll leave the baby bunnies alone and mow around that patch." Awwww.....what a kindly thing!
....bright blossoms on the rescued hibiscus.....both of 'em! Wooohoooo!!!
....the return of Mr. Toad to the flower garden.
....hearing the neighbor say "We'll leave the baby bunnies alone and mow around that patch." Awwww.....what a kindly thing!
....working comments on weblogs. Geeze......
....beautiful photos of places far away.
....a freshly straightened linen closet. :-D
....beautiful photos of places far away.
....a freshly straightened linen closet. :-D
Fairy Dust
I don't know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
--Bill Cosby
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Triffid's New Pot
I came here with a thought.
Darned if I know what it was now......*sigh* Must notta been that important.
In the meantime--Triffid the Tomato (yes, I've named himself's tomato plant) has a new home.
It has a new home NOT because I pointed out to himself a number of times 'THIS IS IOWA--we grow things BIG'. NOT because I pointed out that the six inch pot was going to strangle the poor plant...and NOT because we purchased a new pot over the weekend (12"--I was trying for 14" but he wouldn't bite.....)....but because I discovered pooooooor Triffid the Tomato on his side the other evening.
Yes, it's true.
I think it was the 3' 'it needs support' supports himself tried to shove into the 6" pot along with poor Triffid the Tomato.
What WAS he thinking?!
One gust of wind (k.....mighta been more than one.....) and over he went.
THAT convinced himself!
And that won me an "I was wrong--it needs a bigger pot....." moment.
HOLY COW!!!!!!
I offered to mix the dirt (we do that 'round here, dontchaknow....).
I offered to round up the coffee filter and rocks to put in the bottom of the pot. (we do that, TOO, dontchaknow....).
I offered to help dump dirt into the pot, to steady the 'supports' and to straighten poor Triffid the Tomato whilest himself tinkered away at his own 'style' of transplanting a plant.
*rolling eyes*
Whatever...he was wrong and he admitted it.
Perhaps that's the misplaced thought from earlier--
Mark it on the calendar--put it down for history-- MEL WAS RIGHT about the pot!
k.....I'm right about a lot of things--it was important to me that I was right about the pot.
Triffid the Tomato was depending on me!
Oh.
And it's HIMSELF'S tomato plant.
I kill 'em--so I'm just .......observing.
And I guarantee that sucker'll have tomatoes.
Himself assured me it would.
And I bragged to the neighbor it would....
Even if I haffta steal 'em from the neighbor (who grows the biggest tomatoes I've ever laid my eyes on), lay 'em on the ground under the deal leaves and LIE--there'll be tomatoes.
Cuz......
Darned if I know what it was now......*sigh* Must notta been that important.
In the meantime--Triffid the Tomato (yes, I've named himself's tomato plant) has a new home.
It has a new home NOT because I pointed out to himself a number of times 'THIS IS IOWA--we grow things BIG'. NOT because I pointed out that the six inch pot was going to strangle the poor plant...and NOT because we purchased a new pot over the weekend (12"--I was trying for 14" but he wouldn't bite.....)....but because I discovered pooooooor Triffid the Tomato on his side the other evening.
Yes, it's true.
I think it was the 3' 'it needs support' supports himself tried to shove into the 6" pot along with poor Triffid the Tomato.
What WAS he thinking?!
One gust of wind (k.....mighta been more than one.....) and over he went.
THAT convinced himself!
And that won me an "I was wrong--it needs a bigger pot....." moment.
HOLY COW!!!!!!
I offered to mix the dirt (we do that 'round here, dontchaknow....).
I offered to round up the coffee filter and rocks to put in the bottom of the pot. (we do that, TOO, dontchaknow....).
I offered to help dump dirt into the pot, to steady the 'supports' and to straighten poor Triffid the Tomato whilest himself tinkered away at his own 'style' of transplanting a plant.
*rolling eyes*
Whatever...he was wrong and he admitted it.
Perhaps that's the misplaced thought from earlier--
Mark it on the calendar--put it down for history-- MEL WAS RIGHT about the pot!
k.....I'm right about a lot of things--it was important to me that I was right about the pot.
Triffid the Tomato was depending on me!
Oh.
And it's HIMSELF'S tomato plant.
I kill 'em--so I'm just .......observing.
And I guarantee that sucker'll have tomatoes.
Himself assured me it would.
And I bragged to the neighbor it would....
Even if I haffta steal 'em from the neighbor (who grows the biggest tomatoes I've ever laid my eyes on), lay 'em on the ground under the deal leaves and LIE--there'll be tomatoes.
Cuz......
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