It's only been three years since the last one....LOL Not that I'm feeling in dire need to have some formalized evaluation from my boss. We meet regularly and he's grown fond enough of me to be pretty candid about how I do my job--for the good and for the 'need to progress in' areas alike.
What wasn't so nice--was the 'opportunity' that'll be placed in front of me in the next three months.
(And I knew this was coming.....)
ONE MORE TIME they're wanting to move me up some invisible ladder to work in an area that I'm not sure that I want to work in.
"I'm giving you three months warning--I know how you hate surprises. I need you to do this."
It's no real surprise. Sometimes you can sense what's coming, you can see the progression happening.
My two lead people have told me they could see it coming--and this was prior to formally being told 'IT'S coming!'.
I'm already doing more 'administrative' stuff than I wanna be.
I'm quick at getting it done, mind you--getting it done means I have more time to play with the kiddos and families. Dunno how much squiggle room I'll get or be able to create so I can DO what it is that I so love to do......dunno that it's mine TO do anymore.
A part of me is sad beyond sad. This isn't where I intended to land.
A part of me is curious.......cuz every place I've landed I had no intention landing IN. And I do trust there's a greater plan in this somewhere.
It's not the financial stuff attached to the different responsibilities.
It's not 'prestige'.
It's not some false sense of importance or 'value' or status or any of that crud that, onceuponatime, might have played into all this.
I hung my hat up on one position some time ago--cuz it took me away from where I wanted to be. And here I be again.......gotta be some reason I keep ending up HERE, don'tcha think?
The Brit gets that I'm missioned driven. We even had some conversation about what it was that I was being asked to wrap my head around.
I didn't like the facts being put out there to me--but there's truth in there.
I ain't as young as I used to be.
Dealing with the physical aspects of the position I'm currently trying to return to may just be too much. (oh yes, I let him live.......LOL)
Perhaps it's time to move over and simply be the teacher.......the leader.
I lead best and teach best by DOING.
Dunno that I'd be AS effective if I didn't get to do that.
Dunno that I could rest knowing I was doing less than I was capable OF doing.
Dunno that I WANNA do their stupid job of being an administrator and playing NICE with people impersonating grownups.
*sigh*
I know.......pause, buy time, pray........
And pray.
AND pray.
As if the squirrels weren't doing a BIG enough number on my head.
Yeah, yeah........pray...........
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