This Loss Of Words Brought To You By Your Friendly Neighbourhood Addict

It's not often I'm at a loss for words.

But I don't know what to say.

When you've worked for over a year to reunite your family, when you've finally started to see that light at the end of the tunnel, when you've finally gotten that glimpse of having back that kiddo you were afraid you'd lost forever--when you finally let yourself latch on to that shred of hope that you were so afraid to have......

And when that same kiddo makes arrangements to end up on the other side of 'trashed out of their gourd'--and I mean well thought through, 'coulda changed your mind within the week you had it planned and didn't' kinda plans....and you're waiting by the phone to make certain your child is 'okay' cuz they're in the ER because they've been stupid enough to mix all sorts of crap to get that moment of 'fun'...when you're holding your breath and reliving all your terrors....hoping and praying they'll be 'okay'.....

When the terror subsides and you're left with nothing but that familiar, shaming emptiness where 'hope' used to be......and you're back to square one, back to the distrust, back to living the terror--back to that hopelessness and despair---
What is it someone is suppose to say?
I don't have a clue.
I don't know what to say at this point.

It's not often that I find myself at a loss for words.

Three out of ten addicts muster a year of staying clean...one out of those same ten might keep clean for five years.
There's a statistic I'm JUST not proud to share.