Thought for Friday

Many of us have worked too hard to make relationships work; sometimes those relationships didn't have a chance because the other person was unavailable or refused to participate.

To compensate for the other person's unavailability, we worked too hard.

We may have done all or most of the work.

This may mask the situation for a while, but we usually get tired.

Then, when we stop doing all the work, we notice there is no relationship, or we're so tired we don't care.

Doing all the work in a relationship is not loving, giving, or caring.

It is self-defeating and relationship defeating.

It creates the illusion of a relationship when in fact there may be no relationship.

It enables the other person to be irresponsible for his or her share.

Because that does not meet our needs, we ultimately feel victimized.

In our best relationships, we all have temporary periods where one person participates more than the other.

This is normal.

But as a permanent way of participating in relationships, it leaves us feeling tired, worn out, needy, and angry.

We can learn to participate a reasonable amount, and then let the relationship find it's own life.

Are we doing all the calling?

Are we doing all the initiating?

Are we doing all the giving?

Are we the one talking about feelings and striving for intimacy?

Are we doing all the waiting, the hoping, and the work?

We can let go.

If the relationship is meant to be, it will be, and it will become what it is meant to be.

We do not help that process by trying to control it.

We do not help the other person, the relationship, or ourselves by trying to force it or by doing all the work.

Let it be.

Wait and see.

Stop worrying about making it happen.

See what happens and strive to understand if that is what you want.

*sigh* TFTD twisted and contorted.......

To thine own self be true.
A grounding statement for those of us who get caught up in the storm of needs and feelings of others.

Listen to the self.
What do we need?
Are those needs getting met?
What do we feel?
What do we need to do to take care of our feelings?
What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say?
What are our instincts telling us?

Trust them - even if they don't make sense or meet other people's rules and expectations.
Sometimes, the demands of other people and our confused expectations of ourselves - the messages about our responsibilities toward others - can create a tremendous, complicated mess.

We can even convince ourselves that people pleasing, going against our nature and not being honest, is the kind, honest thing to do.

Not true.
Simplify.
Let go of the confusion.

By honoring and respecting ourselves, we will be true to those around us, even if we displease them momentarily.



Somehow I think there's a different meaning to this reading than the one I'm twisting it into.

Bet me that the fairies weren't telling me to 'go forth to and conquer'. LOL

What do we need?
Are those needs getting met?
What do we feel?
What do we need to do to take care of our feelings?
What are our feelings telling us about ourselves and the direction we need to go?
What do we want to do or say?
What are our instincts telling us?

I'm thinking the piece I'm missing is the requirement of an HONEST, SELFLESS assessment of that first question.
Cuz if that first question is answered with "To win the lottery" (which was my answer, go figure....LOL) it's ALL downhill from there.......

And people wonder why wisepersoninmylife prays for G-d to remove my brain.....

*fighting the urge to toss the freaking book*

Each of us struggles with pain and its repercussions; some of us more than others.
At times pain seems unending.
Sometimes we hang onto the pain in our lives, maybe because we fear even more what's on the other side.
The unknown so easily controls us.

Right at this moment, each of us can look back on other painful times and feel thankful for what they taught us.
The puzzle pieces take on a deeper meaning when we enjoy the gift of perspective.
The pain at this moment fits, too, in the bigger picture of our lives.
And it will pass.
It is passing.

The wisdom of the past tells us that pain enriches us, prepares us to better serve others.
We come to know who we are and the specialness of our gifts through the despair that at times encumbers us.




*sitting on hands*
(oh BOY do I need an attitude adjustment..........)

Oh c'mon......the reading fairy has butterflies forcryin'outloud--what did I expect!!!!!!
*rolling eyes*

Parsnip fodder

*sigh*

I'm about to make an arbitrary decision and 'pass' on making any kind of effort to locate a 'local' wisepersoninmylife. I think I'd rather eat roasted parsnips (ewwwwwwww!). I think I'd rather have my food TOUCH! Gimme math to do. Gimme a month's worth of stupid stuff that I have to do, daily.......but do NOT make me go 'shopping around' for a new local wisepersoninmylife.

Yeah, yeah, I've been here before. About 17/18 years ago I was here, when I moved to this wee little town. I shopped around and was met with all sortsa interesting perceptions. Mostly I was reminded that men work with men and women work with women. (yep....feel free to show me where it says that.....) There were the raised eyebrows of women who weren't asked by me. (sorry...don't want what you have.......) There were actually a couple offers--mostly from people who were shocked to discover I had as much clean/sober time as I had. (what a long term attendee of the program is suppose to 'look like', I don't have a clue......maybe willing and cooperative? LOL Fat chance THAT'S gonna happen!)
And there was 'no'.

Well, the people I approached were approached mostly outta desperation because I knew I needed a local wisepersoninmylife.......I knew I didn't want one.......and I knew folks weren't going to be eager to 'pick me up' cuz I freaking know too much.
And I open my mouth a whole lot.
And......I know my stuff. C'mon......after 31 years of living it, I oughta know one or two things, dontcha think? That's not bragging--that's just the byproduct of years of repetitious teaching!

Frankly, wisepersoninmylife 1&2 tell me that they end up learning as much from me as I learn from them. But really, I'm thinkin' that's the way it oughta work.

Needless to say.....I was toying with the concept of keeping wisepersoninmylife wayyyyyyyy over there and forgoing the local wisepersoninmylife.
Only.....I'm convinced wisepersoninmylife has or WILL feel compelled to ask a couple folks to keep their eye on me til I recruit another local one.
*sigh*
Not that I don't warrant being watched.
I'm a very maughty gal by nature. I can be much naughtier if there's no one to be accountable to.

Rawrrrr!

*sigh*
Even with one wisepersoninmylife outta the picture there's still the other to answer to.
And honestly--I know me well enough to know that 'free skate' quickly becomes FREE SKATE with me! Even if I KNOW I'm still accountable whether someone's around kicking my rearend or not, I still manage to convince myself that 'while the cat's away' it's FREE SKATE!! Wooohoooo!!!

Now, I'm pretty convinced it wouldn't be anything close to 'punishable in a court of law'--but I KNOW me.
Gimme a 'oh, just take the weekend and pamper yourself' and I'm ALL about that! Free skate, gladly given is WAY gladly received, watered, nurtured and made grown into a free skating RINK all for MEMEME!!! *evil laugh*


Geeze....here I am, very conscious of what I NEED to do and I'm still resisting doing it.
I can know stuff in my head.
I can even know it's the better half of wisdom.
And I can still come up with logical reasons to not follow through and actually DO what I need to.

*sigh*
Fine.
I'll ask around.
But I won't be happy about it.
And I won't be attaching myself to some woman with clicky clacky heels that smells all gardenia like!!

....ick........

I'd rather eat roasted parsnips.........

Are we still growly today?

There is a gift for us in each relationship that comes our way.
Sometimes the gift is a behavior we're learning to acquire: detachment, self esteem, becoming confident enough to set a boundary, or owning our power in another way.
Some relationships offer healing for us - healing from issues of the past or an issue we're facing today.

Sometimes we find ourselves learning the most important lessons from the people we least expect to help us.

Relationships may teach us about loving ourselves or someone else.
Or maybe we'll learn to let others love us.
Sometimes, we aren't certain what lesson we're learning, especially while we're in the midst of the process.
But we can trust that the lesson and the gift are there.
We don't have to control this process.
We'll understand, when it's time.
We can also trust that the gift is precisely what we need.




Rawwwrrr!
*rolling eyes and sticking out tongue*
Pfffffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttt!! :-P

Rawr. RAWWWRRRR!!

.....k........ Himself gave me a bit of berth yesterday cuz I mighta been a bit growly.

*rolling eyes*

...k.....there's no 'mighta been' to it. I was growly.

And again, I'm 'rawr-ing' this morning.

Rawr. Rawwwrrrrr!!

*checking*

I sound like some three year old impersonating a lion.

NOT exactly intimidating--but it gives life to the growly.

I 'rawrrrr'-ed at himself.

I 'rawrrrr'-ed' at the secretary.

I 'rawrrrr'-ed' at the day manager.

I 'rawrrrr'-ed' at my boss.

And then I lost the 'rawrrrr' and graduated right into cussing-- at the administrative meeting no less.......*hanging head*Ummmm.....more than once.

I did apologize.

But it took me the whole drive back to the worksite to wrap my head around potentially OWING an apology to the people in that room.

I HAVE a resentment.

It's mine and I can water it and nurture it and make it grow all I wanna.

It's justifiable, dontchaknow.

And I'm entitled to be 'rawwrrrrr'-ing....cuz if YOU had to 'deal', you'd resent it, too!

*rolling eyes*

Rawr!

RAWWWWRRRRR!!!!!!!

k......I think I need a swift kick to the rearendus. LOL

Rawwwwrrrrrrrrrr!!!!

Stupid scheduled outages.......

Okay...if there's a scheduled outage on this sucker for 11pm PST tonight can SOMEONE please explain why it's not kindly letting me read OR post replies on posts at 11 MY time?
I'm NOT PST, dangit.
And blogger needs to let me do what I DO when I show up to do what I always do.

Rawr!
RAAAWWWRRRRR!!!

Hmmmmph!

:-P

It's okay. Back when you had all the answers you were in BIG trouble.

k......I'm a tad confuddled. (yep, it's a word--get over it!)
Or maybe I'm sad.
Sad AND confuddled!
I hear tell you can have more than one 'feeling' going on at the same time--just a rumour, probably.

Sad and confuddled.

*checking*

Yep. I think that's where it's at.

I'm now officially down to one wisepersoninmylife.....and they live a gazillion miles away. Okay, okay.....not a gazillion miles away, but it might as well be a gazillion miles away! (geeze, I'm prone to exaggeration at times...)

I understand the decision was driven by life circumstances out of wisepersonimylife's control.
I know it's got nothing to do with me. After all, I'm a "joy" to work with. (k....so I come by that exaggeration honestly...LOL)

*checking for witnesses*
I just don't LIKE it.

Yeah, yeah.....I know it's not required that I LIKE something in order to 'accept and deal'.
I don't WANNA haffta deal!
I don't WANNA haffta train another wisepersoninmylife to come within an inch of choking me when I need choking within an inch of my life! It took 17 YEARS to get this one trained!
I don't WANNA haffta.
I don't WANNA.
I don't WANNA.
I don't WANNA!

*sigh*

Sucks........
Yep.
Definitely SUCKS.......

Maybe I'll 'pass' and become my OWN wisepersoninmylife!
OMgosh....
How scary would that be. LOL
Me listening to ME. RUN AWAY, RUN AWAY!!!!!

Oh for the love of being human.........

At times we jump toward the "shoulds" because we don't have the courage to live with the insecurity of being human.

The main thing in life is not to be afraid of being human.--Pablo Casalas

Another TFTD

Frequently, when faced with a problem, we may attempt to solve it in a particular way.
When that way doesn't work, we may continue trying to solve the problem in that same particular way.

We may get frustrated, try harder, get more frustrated, and then exert more energy and influence into forcing the same solution that we have already tried and that didn't work.
That approach makes us crazy.
It tends to get us stuck and trapped.

We can get caught in this same difficult pattern in relationships, in tasks, in any area of our life.
We initiate something, it doesn't work, doesn't flow, we feel badly, then try the same approach harder, even though it's not working and flowing.

Sometimes, it's appropriate not to give up and to try harder.
Sometimes, it's more appropriate to let go and stop trying so hard.

If it doesn't work, if it doesn't flow, maybe life is trying to tell us something.

Life is a gentle teacher.
She doesn't always send neon road signs to guide us.
Sometimes, the signs are more subtle.
Something not working may be a sign.

Let go.

If we have become frustrated by repeated efforts that aren't producing desired results, we may be trying to force ourselves down the wrong path.
Sometimes, a different solution is appropriate.
Sometimes, a different path opens up.

Often, the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder.

Nag, nag, nag........

Wellllllll.

Himself will be doing surgery, it would seem.
He had a follow-up visit with the lovely doctor and proclaimed he was 80% improved!
Smug one, he was. Reported no pain unless he moved his shoulder in some weird direction. I played with my rainbow coloured porcupine ball and tried not to toss my two cents in--that woulda been a BAD, BAD plan!

And THEN came the 'push my hand' tests.
Somehow I managed to get 'the evil eye' over her test.
You'da thought it was my evil plan to disprove his 80% theory. Honest, I didn't call the doc ahead of time and tell her to use the 'push my hand' test. (mostly cuz I didn't think about it....and some cuz--c'mon, it's her JOB! LOL)

The good news is he listened to about half of what she was saying about surgery. The other half of the time he was trying to explain that he's 80% better cuz 'er indoors nagged him to not be doing stuff with that shoulder.

I'll get to do that for another six months, apparently.
Four if I nag REAL good. LOL

QOTW 11/4

How goes your weekend?

It goes well, thank you!

Friday was the ever present 'get those reports ran and ready/done for turning in on Monday.......go home and collapse. LOL I love Fridays cuz they're nonstop 'do, do, do'.....I detest Friday's cuz they're nonstop 'do, do, do paperwork that I never planned on being responsible FOR doing'. (yes, someday I'll find simple acceptance on that one........) Actually we did stay in Friday and just vegged. I gave myself a 'please excuse Mel from being at a meeting' pass and got in jammies early, pulled out a bad book (k.....not 'bad'--just not one of my favorite reads......) and munched on popcorn himself graciously fixed for me.

Nope, I don't mind the butter prints on the pages-- see previous information.

Saturday was all about getting stuff pulled in from the patio. Well, HALF the stuff, anyway. Geeze, there's a LOT of stuff on that patio. Me and my 'if some is good MORE is better'.....oy..... And then we went on a shopping adventure. (oh, how I lovvvvvvve shopping.....*rolling eyes*)

And we went out for dinner, drug home an eight foot penguin, scooped up some toys for next years trick or treaters AND some treat bags......and picked up birthday prezzies for the twins who'll turn all of 'one year old' real soon here. Wrapping paper, bows, cards--a fuzzy shirt for himself........ummmmmmmm.......OH, and lights for the outside wreath!

And birdie food.

AND we got groceries......WE..as in 'I was trapped in the Jeep and forced to go along'......*shudder* It was a horrible moment in time, but I survived......mostly......

Oh. And then I tried my hand at some holiday card making AFTER I prepared everything for Sunday's chili dinner.

We're not commenting on the card making any further. LOL Geeze--I'm not pleased with any of the outcomes of that adventure. Oh, wait....I think that was a comment....

Today....

Breakfast meeting with a pigeon/gal I 'work with'...or who works with me, I'm not sure which is the case. LOL Then I meet with another pigeon/gal. THEN I go to another meeting with or without the pigeon/gal I just met with and meet up with yet ANOTHER pigeon/fella which is where I'll meet up with wisepersoninmylife after which he and I will find make an adventure over coffee.......*whew*

And then I'll show up at home.....eventually.........

Hopefully....... Unless wisepersoninmylife 'has me for lunch'.......in which case someone will need to let himself know where he can find the body. LOL

And then, if I do make it home alive---who knows! LOL

'Cept I know dinner is in there somewhere......with a gal/yet another pigeon who'll be coming over early evening to have a meeting with me. And we might end up at the evening meeting......or not, if wisepersoninmylife shows up--or if there's squiggle room and himself and I actually make a plan for an evening somethingorother.....

HOLY MOLY......I need to stop telling what I'll be doing and start DOING....

Yeah, yeah............

It's not what happens to you,

it's what you do about it.

Name the Penguin

He's a mere eight feet tall.

And yes, he's currently inflated in the basement.

Granted, 'he's only outta the box to get the wrinkles out', of course.

Afterall, 'no penguin ought to suffer the terrible affliction of being crammed into a teeny, weeny box'.......

*shaking head and chuckling*

I've created a monster. LOL

If nothing else I get bragging rights for teaching himself everything he knows.

Now to name the little (eight foot) penguin!

Oh, himself already HAS a name picked out, of course.

*snickering*

Like that'll last! LOLOL

Sure-fire cure for what ails ya......

Cheesecake.

Yep.

Now, it's not often I indulge. It's even less often that I bake AND indulge.

*glancing around at the lack of piles*

*peering out the window at the lack of lights*

Cheesecake.

It's being consumed purely for medicinal purposes.

Oh, what a bitter pill........LOL

*sniffle*

I couldn't have coffee at the nook table if I wanted to--which is, in all realities, perfectly okay cuz I never take my 'first pot of the morning' coffee at the coffee nook.
Obviously I just wanna kvetch. LOL

We have piles.
PILES.
Here a pile.
There a pile.
Piles.

*sniffle*

And Studley is confined to the basement, drying out before he's stuffed away in a box.

And that clock..........batteries out and GONE. LOL (can I call 'em or WHAT?!)

The good news is the weekend is here. I'll get to lovingly wave 'bye-bye' to the goodies before packing them in their orange tubs and tucking them away in the storage room.

And, being the kindly gracious type, I'll even tote up himself's holiday boxes for him. *snickering*
At least ONE.

I'm thinkin' we'll be making a shopping trip to snatch up Halloween toys that'll be on sale.
And...... While we're out and about......I'll be on the lookout for another light activated clock.
One with 'HO HO HO' and really annoying holiday music. :-)

OHMYGOSH.....I'm about to do 'retail therapy'. LOL

The Attitude Adjustment Fairy strikes again!!

Attitude is everything!

Today will be what we make it.

Regardless of the weather, the kinds of work to be done, the personalities crossing our paths, we'll feel joy and peace if that is our choice.

Agonizing over circumstances that aren't to our liking or dwelling on our failure to control other people, whether friends or foes, has robbed us of the happiness that is always ours to experience.

Anger, fear, and frustration shadowed our steps because we didn't take control of the only thing that's ever been in our control absolutely - attitude.

It's so easy to blame others for every wrinkle in our lives.

But as we grow accustomed to the idea of taking full responsibility for how we think and feel, we'll be empowered.

Nobody can mess with my attitude but me!

Thought For The Day......

Our main business is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand.

145

*nodding happily*

Happy Day After!

145 happy little trick or treaters......not bad for this three stoplight town.

Of course the sister in California rang me to brag, in exhaustion, that she'd had 700. SEVEN HUNDRED.

Yeah, yeah.......but SHE didn't get to do the chicken dance in the front yard with the dad from law enforcement that was dressed up as a chicken!

HA!

Pride....

Pride is tasteless, colorless, and sizeless.

Does someone care to tell me why it's one of the hardest things to swallow?!

*sigh*