Through the window

TFTD

Having and setting healthy limits - healthy boundaries - isn't a tidy process.

We can give ourselves permission to experiment, to make mistakes, to learn, to grow.

We can talk to people, ask questions, and question ourselves.

If there's something we need to do or learn, it will become apparent.

Lessons don't go away.

If we're not taking care of ourselves enough, well see that.

If we are being too controlling, we'll grow to understand that too.

Things will work out.

I suck at math.....

I suck at math.
I suck at math.
I SUCK at math.
I suck at MATH.

Rawr.

The good news is the spreadsheets do the adding for you.
The bad news is--I transpose numbers all the time.
And I mean ALL the time!

So what's that old saying again?

"Garbage in, garbage out"?

Yup.
That's the one!
*laughing*

I took care of the expense side of the budget--no problem.

Revenue side?


.....ummmm..........
PROBLEM!!!

k....... Sooooooooooooo.......
Rest when weary!


Right.
I'm closing Excel and stepping AWAY from the computer!
Yeah, yeah..........I'm closing Excel and stepping away from .......Excel.

*waves*

Excel goes bye-bye!

*click*

:-)

k.....





<-- will now go visiting!

Woooooohoooooo!!!!

MUCH more fun, thanksmuchly!

.....................*sigh*................

Where'd I put that spring........

When you toss the notes and do whatcha wanna do instead of whatcha need to do.....

"I'm taking a Statistics class.....will you help me if I get stuck?"

That one I answered with a 'yes'.

Now, the ones I ignored were:

"If the kids bombard Mel, rescue her and point her back in the direction of the computer."

"Remember what we talked in Team--Budget time!!!.....SAVE HER from the children."

And my all time favorite:

"MAKE HER GO TO THE OFFICE."



Yeah, yeah, yeah.....them and what army?!
(That one I crumpled and tossed back at the poor gal who brought it to me......)
(G-d bless the new supervisor I hired who really thought she was being helpful....LOL I'da thought she KNEW better!)

If they want to 'save me' from anything, it oughta be from the evils of Microsoft Excel spreadsheets!


The kiddos--are the least of my troubles.
I mean, at least with them I KNOW which buttons to push and which to leave alone?

Today's Fairy Thought

Making a mistake is not the same as being worthless.

Mistakes are a natural part of living, not something to be ashamed of.

Our freedom to make mistakes is one of our greatest assets, for this is the way we learn humility, persistence, courage to take risks, and better ways of doing things.

Just add chalk......

Bitty TFTD

There is no way we can change what we did five minutes ago, nor can we predict what will happen half an hour from now.

We can only deal with now.

......oops?.......

Oh, what a hectic frantic BUSY day.

And why, pray tell, was I dressed so nicely?

Oy...so--whatcher saying is the REST of the time I look like a slob?

No, no, no.....that's not what they were saying!

....Just that I was dressed in 'fancy dress'....meaning fancier than normal, bit out of the realm of work place material.

Ah! Well, that's cuz himself told me he was going to take me out to dinner this evening!

Hence, the flash slacks, fancy top, heels and hose.

Yup....bit overdressed for work--but! Dinner was gonna happen.

And with the long hours at the worksite/hours at home DOING worksite work--a break......is a very good thing.

Sooooo......Bunch of unfun things at work.....stuff I coulda been a part of the solution for--which might have meant a need to hang around a bit late.....folks were very kindly in making the arrangments to do that themselves.

Very kind, indeed. Cuz they wanted to not interfere with himself taking me out to dinner tonight.....very, very kind..... I work with kindly people, yaknow?

Just so ya know-----I had a GREAT salad served to me this evening. Yup..brought to me in the livingroom where I was sitting with my flash slacks, fancy top, heels and hose!

"Right then....I'm off to dinner with my mate!!"

*ding ding ding!!*

Smile and nod...."Have a great time. Where are you guys going for dinner?"

*shaking head*

Oh, well.....
Truly, I DO hope they have a good time.

After 5 years of marriage to The Brit ---I STILL have moments when I need an interpreter.

Mate does NOT = WIFE

Mate DOES = Buddy/good friend

*chuckling*

It was a very lovely salad.....

And for the first time in the past three weeks I actually got out of work ON time!

Woooooohooooooo for ME?

*laughing!*

...............UH oh...............

Right.

I have four electronic thingies.
I have last years non-electronic thingies.

I have 'round one' of next years budget due Tuesday.

Right.

No pencil required for this one!
Right.
But I LIKE pencils.....

k......

Electronic....as in computerized.....as in drop down menues and pages that turn into other pages if you click.......as in multi-screened muddled MESSES!

k......

k!

k.

I have piles of papers.....cuz I print out all the electronic ones they send me..... FTE lists (full time employees for those who don't speak the language.....which woulda included ME a few years back......yaknow, back when I was actually a THERAPIST?! k........right then.......), monthly budget reports from July through February, variance reports, basic indicator reports, service reports, cost reports, occupancy and utilization reports, MORE basic indicator reports....and a sticky note with a phone number on it....

Oh yeah...a number to ring in case I get stuck with the whozit screen that opens up the list thingy I haffta fill in.....the one with all the 'click on this square and a drop down menu shows up that you can pick from'....

Ya know, it'd help if I wrote down ALL the numbers to the phone number I'm suppose to call if I get stuck (I'M STUCK!!!!!!).

Right.

1-319-555-025_ <-- it's gotta be a zero through nine, right?

k...


I wonder how complete stangers will feel about being called with budget spreadsheet thingy questions at this hour in the morning.....

Things that make me happy.....

...."ice chunk bowling". (And just so ya know, his ice chunk slid further across the lake than my ice chunk...)

....brand spankin' new 'twistable' crayons! :-)

....snugglin'.

....snugglin' some more.

....kite flyin'.....the THOUGHT of kite flyin'....knowing where the kites ARE and stickin' 'em in the Jeep so you're ready TO go kite flyin'....SOON....I can FEEL it!

....people who get their work done on time, without having to be reminded.

....data mining features that show what's what in a heart beat.

....a cuppa delivered coffee that comes with a kiss to the head.

....big fat robins! :-)

Today's Reminder

When we're in a frenzied state, searching for happiness outside ourselves and looking to others to provide our peace and stability, remember this:

Even if we could control things and people, even if we got what we wanted, we would still be ourselves.

Our emotional state would still be in turmoil.

People and things don't stop our pain or heal us.

That's our job.

(-: Spring is here!!!!!!! :-)

I found SPRING!!!!

When it ain't finding you, you go find it?
*shrugs*

<-- laughing and going to the naughty corner

QOTW 3/3 Name three--

Name three things you hope to accomplish this week.
What is the likelihood that they'll be accomplished?

I'd like to get thank you cards completed and put into my staffs' mailboxes. They've been such a great crew of people to have around during the storms of life. Really....even if I'm not 100% pleased with 100% of the 100% of the time--they're good folks.

Pretty sure I can get this one done--'specially since I've got all those handy dandy 'thank you cards' assembled.

I'd be wise to actually GET to the physician's this week. Barrier after barrier after barrier has popped up and gotten in the way. Very legitimate barriers......and a couple of "cuz I don't wanna" moments, admittedly. Gotta talk with the nutritionist.....gotta get that full exam and testing done. Ack.......

I'll also admit this one is a bit up for grabs--mostly cuz of my lack of desire to hear what is going to be said. And c'mon....who LIKES yearly physicals?!

I've got budgety things that are coming due.....*sigh* RAWRRRRR!!!!! I soooooooo do not like budgety things.....
Yeah, well--I oughta at least let the boss know that several of the drop down menus on my electronic 'stuff' doesn't work.

Likelihood of that happening--small. LOL

Avoidance is the answer to all my problems today!

k....one outta three ain't bad, right? ;-)

TFTD

Unfinished business doesn't go away.

It keeps repeating itself, until it gets our attention, until we feel it, deal with it, and heal.

That's one lesson we are learning in.

We may not have had the tools, support, or safety we needed to acknowledge and accept pain in our past.

It's okay.

We're safe now.

We have the tools now.

Slowly, carefully, we can begin to open ourselves up to our feelings.

We can begin the process of feeling what we have denied so long - not to blame, not to shame, but to heal ourselves in preparation for a better life.

It's okay to cry when we need to cry and feel the sadness many of us have stored within for so long.

We can feel and release these feelings.

Grief is a cleansing process.

It's an acceptance process.

It moves us from our past, into today.

How many days til spring.....

Sleeping with Bread

It is what it is.......

That's the bread I'm clinging to.

I don't get to change it.
I don't haffta change it.
I don't have to pass judgment on it.

It simply is what it is.

WPIML echoed this multiple times during our conversation the other day......while I grumbled....and mumbled....and whined and carried on........and then 'got it!'......
It eeked its way into my brain and it's still there.

I'm thinkin' that was his plan.

I'm working on letting it drop into my heart.......

It is what it is...

There's this place that you get to go to when that head knowledge becomes heart knowledge.

I know that place--
It's a wonderful place. I like it muchly.

At the moment, it's a journey to get back there.
And ain't no one making it a slippery journey but me.

Why I would surrender that place for HERE.........is the problem I created.

But THERE is where I'm purposing to go back to.

It is what it is....

It's not a place of apathy.
It's not void of feeling.
It's not disinterest.

It's acceptance.

It's being at peace with the world and all its inhabitants.

It's trust.

It's faith.

It's believing in the journey......

It's all that and more, smooshed into this state of BEING.......

For the longest time I ran that "....acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation--some fact of my life--unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is suppose to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing happens in God's world by mistake. ..... " over and over and over in my brain and outta my mouth.
It helped that it was required of me to have it memorized.
Even if I didn't have the heart knowledge, I could recite it. Which meant that my brain was busy with recertation instead of my mouth being busy with judgments and smartie remarks that got me into troubles of my own making.

It is what it is...

I remember when that dropped into my heart--and how closely it was followed by "They are where they are....."

Peacefulness.....centeredness....feet grounded in the day, present for the jobs that get handed over, fulfilled in all that you ARE.....
You can wear the love and it radiates outwards.

I have moments.

I have days.

And I have the journey to do to get back to where my heart longs to be....

It is what it is.....


By design.

With purpose.

In love.

With goodness that doesn't have to be seen......it's just somehow 'known'.....heart knowledge.....

It is what it is.....

They are where they are.....

Head knowledge vs heart knowledge.


It is what it is, eh?

All I need to do is get out of my own way........

Fairy wisdom......

Shame can be a powerful force in our life.

It is the trademark of dysfunctional families.

Authentic, legitimate guilt is the feeling or thought that what we did is not okay.

It indicates that our behavior needs to be corrected or altered, or an amend needs to be made.

Shame is an overwhelming negative sense that who we are isn't okay.

Shame is a no-win situation.

We can change our behaviors, but we can't change who we are.

Shame can propel us deeper into self-defeating and sometimes self-destructive behaviors.

We may feel ashamed when we have a problem or someone we love has a problem.

We may feel ashamed for making mistakes or for succeeding.

We may feel ashamed about certain feelings or thoughts.

We may feel ashamed when we have fun, feel good, or are vulnerable enough to show ourselves to others.

Some of us feel ashamed just for being.

Shame is a spell others put on us to control us, to keep us playing our part in dysfunctional systems.

It is a spell many of us have learned to put on ourselves.

Learning to reject shame can change the quality of our life.

It's okay to be who we are.

We are good enough.

Our feelings are okay.

Our past is okay.

It's okay to have problems, make mistakes, and struggle to find our path.

It's okay to be human and cherish our humanness.

Accepting ourselves is the first step toward freedom.

Letting go of shame about who we are is the next important step.

Today, I will watch for signs that I have fallen into shame's trap.

If I get hooked into shame, I will get myself out by accepting myself and affirming that it's okay to be who I am.

Transitioning

Today's Fairy Thought

Gentle people, gentle souls, go in love.

Yes, at times we need to be firm, assertive: those times when we change, when we acquire a new behavior, when we need to convince others and ourselves we have rights.

Those times are not permanent.
We may need to get angry to make a decision or set a boundary, but we can't afford to stay resentful.
It is difficult to have compassion for one who is victimizing us, but once we've removed ourselves as victims, we can find compassion.

Our path, our way, is a gentle one, walked in love - love for self, love for others.
Set boundaries.
Detach.
Take care of ourselves.
And as quickly as possible, do those things in love.