The postcard report

Yup--if some is good.....MORE is definitely better! :-)

What can I say--
I got stickery ones! WAY COOL stickery ones with seashells and crabby guys and little boats! :-)

I must say, it's great fun opening the mailbox as of late.

Thank you, thank you, thank you, THANK you!!
I am soooooooooooo loved.... :-)

Are they great stickers or WHAT?! :-)

Today's Thought

Stop trying so hard to do better, be better, and be more.

Who we are and the way we do things is good enough for today.

Who we were and the way we did things yesterday was good enough for that day.

Just another fun filled Saturday

Right.....

Lemme see--

Laundry is done.

Yard is mowed.
Yard is trimmed.

Flowers are watered.
Flowers are dead-headed.
Flower garden is weeded.

Sprayed for mosquitos.

Birdie feeders are filled.
Birdie bath is cleaned with fresh splashin' water.

Oh.

AND---shampooed the kitchen carpet.
And the study's carpet.
Oh......and the area rug in the livingroom.

O

M
G

TEN DAYS and already I'm shampooing carpets...
Sheeeeeeeshhhh.

OH!!

Made dinner.

Yeah, yeah--no meats.

:-)

The 'other' Friday afternoon meeting

Much more enjoyable, I must say.....

TFTD

Just because you've made mistakes does not mean you must continue to make them.
Simply realizing that you've made an error is a major step toward correcting that error and getting past it.
The beauty of now is that it's the end of your past and the beginning of whatever future you choose.

If you're satisfied with where you've been headed, then by all means keep going there.
If you're disappointed with what has been, now is your chance to set a different direction for what can be.

Rent free........

I remember bits and pieces of what it was like when I decided I couldn't 'do it' any more.

Stuff has fallen out of my head--or maybe G-d's done a good job of moving from the scariness of actually 'being there', 'done'--tired of 'doing it'.....but I remember bits and pieces and huge chunks. There are also gaps and huge chunks that are fuzzy or simply gone.

My memory of it is undoubtedly different than the memory of those around me at that time. I had the added 'altered state' from the medications that were being given to me.

I remember deciding I couldn't 'do it' anymore and deciding to cut my losses, deciding to narrow the playing field and the people involved, opting to slow it all down and bring it back to just a few who'd get the information and a few who'd be allowed to do that part of the journey with me.
I remember trying to save energy.
I remember having none.
I remember everything being a battle......



That's the best I recall....but that's on this side of the scariness.
I doubt I handled it with as much dignity and grace as I just made it sound.

I did what I needed to do to 'deal', best I knew how at that moment in time.
I doubt it was the best I could do. But maybe it was the best I could do given the circumstances at that given moment in time.
I don't know.

I do know one thing--
I won't be bludgeoned for those decisions.


It's years after the fact--gratefully.....
Years.



Resentments are funny things. People's perceptions and assumptions come into play--reality gets twisted.......and it's difficult, if not impossible, to come to a rational conculsion on whose reality is closer to what's true. I don't know that it truly matters, today.
Decisions were made, people were affected.....I was, others were--nothing I do is isolated and affecting only me.

But don't bludgeon me for the choices made and wield them against me in moments of drunkenenss--only to come out of the cloud and deny that there are resentments.

"That was yesterday and yesterday's gone" isn't accurate.....Not when the choice is to drag yesterday into today and use it as a justification to bludgeon a person for the choices made.

You can be angry without bludgeoning someone.
You really can work through things......


Neither of us have died.
Both of us will....of that I'm certain.

I don't use resentments as a justification for drinking today.
He does.

And darned if he doesn't know where to stick that knife in moments of drunkeness.
Darn that I reacted.

His drinking is killing him.

And dammit that I gave his resentment life when I let it live 'rent free in my head'......

Unders

Hmmmmmmmm Fairy

Are you afraid that what you attempt might not work?
You could very well be right -- it may not work.
Go ahead and do it anyway.
Go ahead and find out for yourself.

Either it will work and you'll be successful, or it won't work and you'll learn something valuable.
Even an unsuccessful attempt is much better than no attempt at all.

Oh My Gosh.

I have to go to the grocery store.


No.
Really.

I mean I HAVE to go to the grocery store.



O
M
G

How late are they open?

Well then.....

Himself tells me the transfer to the other hospital is a good thing and the Mum is getting great care.

He also tells me it'll be at least two weeks doing rehab and then hopefully she'll be returned home.
According to their assessment, she's recovering well and is lower risk.
That's good news!
Actually, that's excellent news....I'm relieved for her and for him.

Another 5 to six weeks, he's hoping. Then he'll return home.

Home......

He got choked up when he told me he missed me.....missed sitting on the patio watching Seemore and Seeless....

The house is strangely quiet.
Things lay where I set them, unmoved and settled until I see fit to move them myself.

True to my nature, there's three pairs of heels scattered about in the livingroom.
They'll go nowhere until I move them.

That's an odd thing, given how it's been.

Strange that I should miss the silent, mysterious shoe migration that happens when he's present.
I've had a word or two with the heels....

Damn that they don't listen to me.

Guests on the patio......

Fairy Thought

The way you see yourself becomes the way you make yourself.
How do you see yourself?

Toby the Toad

Where has the Mum gone?

Himself is not a happy bunny.
Actually, that's an understatement. He's tired and frustrated and angry.

And today three ten year olds (his best guess) tried to pick his pocket when he was returning from the grocery store.

And when he rang to see about visiting hours with his mother, he'd learned she'd been moved to another hospital--20 miles away--for rehab work.
Which made him angrier and more frustrated......cuz that means there's a greater distance for him to contend with in order to visit his mother. Not to mention his concern about what that says about the level of damage done from the stroke.
And no one bothered to ring him about the move....



I can't make it better.
I can't make it different.

It is what it is.

And I do know the frustrations, the fears--the helplessness involved.
So--since he wasn't saying it, I figured I needed to....so I did.

He didn't want to cry.
So he told me he loved me, missed me and that it'd 'be okay'.

*sigh*
Sadly, I don't think that's accurate.....but I guess 'okay' is a subjective term......

QOTW 8/12/09

What's one thing you've learned from a 'life lesson'?

One.

Perhaps not 'THE' most important (thank goodness that wasn't the question!)...but one.

Be kind, be kind, be kind. You never know what a person has gone through today...or yesterday....or the day before. BE KIND.


Hard learned lesson, of course. I'm a slow learner--and arrogant as I can be, I can believe the lesson isn't about MEMEME sometimes.
I'm clear G-d multitasks in HUGE ways all the time.

This lesson came to me in stages.

Humility was a huge teacher--WPIML would have me go back to the person I'd offended and apologized. And no, it didn't matter how the OTHER person had acted....what mattered was how Mel acted.

"I'm sorry for the unkind manner in which I acted. I apologize." was acceptable. Try saying that to a waitress who forgot to come to your table to get your order, or when someone doesn't pay you back the money they borrowed.....yaknow, times when you feel 'entitled' and 'justified' in being unkind.

Didn't matter, didn't matter, didn't matter---be kind, be kind, BE KIND.

I learned to keep still--it saved me from having to go back to people who I still thought 'had it coming'.
Shutting up and saying nothing saved me from many an apology. *laughing* For me--that alone was a WONDERFUL life skill to learn.

Something happened to move the knowledge from my head into my heart.
And I got it.

A gal really, really ticked me off....and I made a passive, snide remark to her.

I was so 'cock-sure' that I was slick about it, I decided to brag about it. (dumb, dumb, dumb......)

Yup....you got it!!

Back I went to apologize to the clerk--who got weepy when she told me about having to put her dog to sleep that morning, getting in trouble with her boss for being late to work because of it--and she'd let it affect her performance in the workplace.

And she apologized...... to me.....the schmuck.......

Be kind, be kind, be kind......you never know whata person has had to go through today, yesterday or the day before. Be kind.

Today's Thought

Are there tasks that you find unpleasant?

Your very own attitude is mostly what makes them that way.
Instead of looking for ways to avoid the effort, look for ways to make it fun.

Decide that you'll enjoy whatever you're doing.
Appreciate each opportunity you have to be productive and effective.
Find joy in the experience of making a difference.

Excuse me...

I got my blankie.

I got my swing--and the lawn chair if need be.

I got my pillow.

And I got the patio!

I'm goin' meteor watchin'!

:-)

Weight limit 10 tons.....

(k......how much does a tractor weigh?)

Things that make me happy

....old, abandoned railroad tracks I can walk down.

....showing up for someone who really needs me to show up.

....long, quiet drives.

....reflections on still water.

....dead mosquitos. LOL

....birdies splashing about in the birdie bath thingy.

....huge flowers on the hybiscus bush.

....'good news' phonecalls from England.

Dusting

We are free to be the very best persons we can be.