Going, going, sorta gone....the flight had a 50 minute delay, which meant maybe or maybe not catching the flight out of O'Hare. For sure catching the one 3 hours later. They can deliver the luggage later if need be.
I always, ALWAYS get weepy at the airport. I think it was those five years of back and forth and back and forth again....that and I was just so relieved he was actually going and not cancelling the trip and making his mum more sad. The fear of that kinda laid in the weeds, watered by "I think this is a bad plan" every time I hit some obstacle. I'm so pleased...and I know his mum will be so glad to see him and laugh with him... I'm guessing that everything just added up and *bam!* deluge of tears.
It's all good. I got behind the wheel, detoured to a dress shop, and did 20 minutes of 'shop therapy'. Yup, 4 skirts, 5 tops, and two over the top shirts (no, I won't wear skimpy summery shirts to the workplace....unless they're under a shirt or sweatery thing)...yup....in 20 minutes. I timed it. LOL
And the nice clerk even took the bag to the Jeep for me!
Non-issue getting myself back--it's an hours drive (I've not driven outside of this wee town for over 5 months....and it's been just as long for me being in the drivers seat of that vehicle). Non-issue getting the leftover chicken wings and zapping them for dinner. (LOL....counts!) Non-issue getting myself out for my walk. (well...issue with the neighbor giving me grief about being late in his humorous way...LOL...G-d love him!) I'm pretty hopeful I'll finish out the evening with more non-issues.
But boy...it's quiet. Really, REALLY quiet.
No television, no spousal unit cracking me up every 10 minutes, no symphony music happening...just birdsong to announce it's time to nestle in, and a pastel sunset.
And me.
Funny...I miss him hugely already....
Tuesday, May 07, 2013
MUST/MUST NOT list
"Don't worry....we talked. We have it all taken care of."
Now--most folks would find that comforting when they hear that from someone. Notsomuch me! I wonder what in the world WE talked about. And what is it WE have covered......
Oh, but I have my marching orders.
MUST have the cellphone on me at all times.
MUST ring someone so they can come to the house ( for even five minutes ) when I do something for the first time....JUST so they know I know I'm safe in the doing.
MUST ring to ask for what I might need.
MUST check in daily with the sister.
MUST check in daily with the girl.
MUST email he-who'll-be-over-there--daily. (I'll have time for anything else besides checking in?!)
MUST ring the bed and breakfast if something arises that 'he-who-needs-to-know' oughta know.
MUST NOT try to do dangerous things--like tote bags of dirt (I have a lawn buddy!..geeze....) or climb ladders. LOL (there goes the painting the kitchen idea!)
MUST take walks like a duckie in the shooting gallery--back and forth, back and forth.....where folks who know me will be handy just-in-case.
MUST let someone know if I go on an adventure. (So they know where to look for the body, maybe?)
*laughing*
The list goes on and on and on.
I have electronic lists....and instructions for the television/DVD/CD player. (Like I bothered to learn how to run the darn thing?)
The 'torches' are strategically placed, the weather radio moved for easy access (so I can reach it to toss it out the window maybe?) The car AND the Jeep have been filled up with gas. (gimme a break--we filled the car 6 weeks ago.....it's still got half a tank!)
Seriously?
What loving people to care about my wellbeing so much. (okay...that bit I do mean!)
I've nodded and agreed and repeated and assured.
And anyone who knows me.....is a bit skeptical about my sincerity and just a tad concerned about that wee bit in me that says 'Nahhhhhhhhh...I'm good!'.
Heck, even *I* know that wee bit will get HUGE in quick order.
Right now I'm just wondering what WE talked about.
Zackly what IS it that WE have taken care of?
:-/
Ohhhhhhh.....I DO hope it involved asparagus!
I stole a look last night at the neighbor's garden....it's ready!
Now--most folks would find that comforting when they hear that from someone. Notsomuch me! I wonder what in the world WE talked about. And what is it WE have covered......
Oh, but I have my marching orders.
MUST have the cellphone on me at all times.
MUST ring someone so they can come to the house ( for even five minutes ) when I do something for the first time....JUST so t
MUST ring to ask for what I might need.
MUST check in daily with the sister.
MUST check in daily with the girl.
MUST email he-who'll-be-over-there--daily. (I'll have time for anything else besides checking in?!)
MUST ring the bed and breakfast if something arises that 'he-who-needs-to-know' oughta know.
MUST NOT try to do dangerous things--like tote bags of dirt (I have a lawn buddy!..geeze....) or climb ladders. LOL (there goes the painting the kitchen idea!)
MUST take walks like a duckie in the shooting gallery--back and forth, back and forth.....where folks who know me will be handy just-in-case.
MUST let someone know if I go on an adventure. (So they know where to look for the body, maybe?)
*laughing*
The list goes on and on and on.
I have electronic lists....and instructions for the television/DVD/CD player. (Like I bothered to learn how to run the darn thing?)
The 'torches' are strategically placed, the weather radio moved for easy access (so I can reach it to toss it out the window maybe?) The car AND the Jeep have been filled up with gas. (gimme a break--we filled the car 6 weeks ago.....it's still got half a tank!)
Seriously?
What loving people to care about my wellbeing so much. (okay...that bit I do mean!)
I've nodded and agreed and repeated and assured.
And anyone who knows me.....is a bit skeptical about my sincerity and just a tad concerned about that wee bit in me that says 'Nahhhhhhhhh...I'm good!'.
Heck, even *I* know that wee bit will get HUGE in quick order.
Right now I'm just wondering what WE talked about.
Zackly what IS it that WE have taken care of?
:-/
Ohhhhhhh.....I DO hope it involved asparagus!
I stole a look last night at the neighbor's garden....it's ready!
The Compassion Fairy
Compassion relates to the ability to see yourself in the position of another, to feel what they feel and to offer tender support, empathy, and understanding for what the individual may be experiencing without seeing them as weak.
Compassion does not strip a person of their dignity, nor does it deny them the dignity of their
process.
Compassion allows you to stand with a person, holding the vision of their
wholeness regardless of the situation or circumstances they may face.
Compassion is the precursor to forgiveness.
Without compassion there will always be judgments, which obstruct mental and emotional energy and faculties.
Monday, May 06, 2013
k......right.....ready.....set.....*sigh*
I worked outside all day. He-who-is-leaving-Tuesday worked inside all day.
I weeded and dug. He washed and folded and packed.
I sat in the sun with my suntea. He sat at the computer confirming hotels and flights.
I got muddy and gross. He got wrapped up in the details of how I'll 'deal' with him gone.
I don't mind putting into black and white that there's a tad bit of concern on my part as well.
I've not soldiered on by myself for any significant length of time.....none in the past five months. He's taken off for an afternoon......but this is three weeks worth of "me, myself and I" time. Usually I'm chomping at the bits with a 'secret plan' of something to accomplish in his absence. THIS time I'm simply wanting to make it through the three weeks without some kind of mishap or disaster.
Actually, I'd like to paint the coffee nook...LOL..but that ain't happenin' on crutches, huh?
Kinda floors me....in five months time I've suddenly become dependent on another person?!
Seriously?!
Me? Ms. Independent?!
Ms. I-can-get-myself-to-and-from-chemotherapy-without-anyone's-help-thank-you-very-much?!
I've turned into a wuss.
There's no other way of looking at it for me.
WUSS.
Yup--I have silly crutches that I have to hang on to in order to have movement from point A to point B.
Yes, that makes doing some things..awkward to say the least. And no, I cannot carry a cuppa coffee.
Yes, it takes me a whole day to weed and clear off the front flowerbeds. No, they're not very big AT all.
Yes, it's a chore to get in the car, to get to the basement, to get down the front steps of the house. No, it's not undoable.
I just haven't had to do things solo.
Groceries. Laundry. Getting the mail inside. Mowing the lawn. (yeah..notsomuch doing that one right now...) Cooking..... Simple, daily things like getting the dishes done--I can do and have done.....after he-who-cooked-the-meal rounds them all up for me and plops them next to the sink.
*sigh*
See.....dependent for five months means 'ify' about this solo adventure.
I think it'll simply mean tacking on more time to do some of the things I've not done for five months.
HA.....I better hope it's that simple........
I weeded and dug. He washed and folded and packed.
I sat in the sun with my suntea. He sat at the computer confirming hotels and flights.
I got muddy and gross. He got wrapped up in the details of how I'll 'deal' with him gone.
I don't mind putting into black and white that there's a tad bit of concern on my part as well.
I've not soldiered on by myself for any significant length of time.....none in the past five months. He's taken off for an afternoon......but this is three weeks worth of "me, myself and I" time. Usually I'm chomping at the bits with a 'secret plan' of something to accomplish in his absence. THIS time I'm simply wanting to make it through the three weeks without some kind of mishap or disaster.
Actually, I'd like to paint the coffee nook...LOL..but that ain't happenin' on crutches, huh?
Kinda floors me....in five months time I've suddenly become dependent on another person?!
Seriously?!
Me? Ms. Independent?!
Ms. I-can-get-myself-to-and-from-chemotherapy-without-anyone's-help-thank-you-very-much?!
I've turned into a wuss.
There's no other way of looking at it for me.
WUSS.
Yup--I have silly crutches that I have to hang on to in order to have movement from point A to point B.
Yes, that makes doing some things..awkward to say the least. And no, I cannot carry a cuppa coffee.
Yes, it takes me a whole day to weed and clear off the front flowerbeds. No, they're not very big AT all.
Yes, it's a chore to get in the car, to get to the basement, to get down the front steps of the house. No, it's not undoable.
I just haven't had to do things solo.
Groceries. Laundry. Getting the mail inside. Mowing the lawn. (yeah..notsomuch doing that one right now...) Cooking..... Simple, daily things like getting the dishes done--I can do and have done.....after he-who-cooked-the-meal rounds them all up for me and plops them next to the sink.
*sigh*
See.....dependent for five months means 'ify' about this solo adventure.
I think it'll simply mean tacking on more time to do some of the things I've not done for five months.
HA.....I better hope it's that simple........
Sunday, May 05, 2013
Mel's Mess
This...is Mel's mess.
Ohhhh...but I got the front flower gardens weeded and cleared off and made neat, orderly...and pretty! And I got the birdie bath out, cleaned and filled....the birdies are very pleased. Edged around the back garden...and emptied out a few pots in anticipation of buying flowers. All in all, I'd say my buddy worked extremely well!
All in all, I'd say there's a need to stop earlier....or leave the mess. LOL Which is actually an option!!!
Oh!!
I have my patio swing ON THE PATIO!
And it doesn't squeak when I swing.
:-)
The brace, however.....does. LOL
Wonder if a bit of grease will fix that....WD40 maybe?
Another Reading...
We should always remember that our honor requires being honest, not being right. Our identity means being true to ourselves, not being invincible. Demanding that our opinions always be accepted as right is destructive to our relationships. It cuts us off from people we love, and becomes hostile and selfish. We are learning to allow room for differences; we can love and respect people we disagree with. And we all have a right to be wrong part of the time.
I don't have to have all the right answers.
Saturday, May 04, 2013
Shhhhhh......
....yes, he's starting to get nervous.
And his friends are starting to get nervous. One rang me last night, a bit concerned that he'd NOT checked in on me when "he-who-was-charging-his-phone" didn't answer. And holy cow, I was greeted with "How ya doing......ohmygosh, is everything okay for you over there?"
Yessssssss...and you're sounding panicked because?
Yes--I did make himself get on the phone and ring his buddy back. And yes, I asked him to DE-alarm his buddy. I'm fine and will continue to BE fine in his absence. *shaking head* I can tell how this three weeks is going to go!
In the meantime, the girl has broken her foot.......and she gets a nifty pump up boot with levers and buttons and STUFF!! All *I* got was a dumb brace. I'm feeling ripped off.
Oh, but we're quite the sight--both of us with crutches.....both of us hobbling around and whining. LOL Only took her six hours to decide she hated her boot. LOLOL That'll teach her for trying to upstage me with that fancy thing. :-/
It's all good....really.
Got it figured out!
We'll go pick up 'stuff' today...for his trip and for his absence....and I have a LAWN BUDDY!! :-)
And--given that I live in such a wee town, I can fanniggle someone into going with me to get FLOWERS.
.......after all threat of snow is removed.....
Yeah.
Umm..
Right. *sigh*
We can do that when he gets back then.....
And his friends are starting to get nervous. One rang me last night, a bit concerned that he'd NOT checked in on me when "he-who-was-charging-his-phone" didn't answer. And holy cow, I was greeted with "How ya doing......ohmygosh, is everything okay for you over there?"
Yessssssss...and you're sounding panicked because?
Yes--I did make himself get on the phone and ring his buddy back. And yes, I asked him to DE-alarm his buddy. I'm fine and will continue to BE fine in his absence. *shaking head* I can tell how this three weeks is going to go!
In the meantime, the girl has broken her foot.......and she gets a nifty pump up boot with levers and buttons and STUFF!! All *I* got was a dumb brace. I'm feeling ripped off.
Oh, but we're quite the sight--both of us with crutches.....both of us hobbling around and whining. LOL Only took her six hours to decide she hated her boot. LOLOL That'll teach her for trying to upstage me with that fancy thing. :-/
It's all good....really.
Got it figured out!
We'll go pick up 'stuff' today...for his trip and for his absence....and I have a LAWN BUDDY!! :-)
And--given that I live in such a wee town, I can fanniggle someone into going with me to get FLOWERS.
.......after all threat of snow is removed.....
Yeah.
Umm..
Right. *sigh*
We can do that when he gets back then.....
Today's Fairy Thought
When we own our power to take care of ourselves - set a boundary, say no, and change an old pattern - we may get flack from some people. That's okay. We don't have to let their reactions control us, stop us, or influence our decision to take care of ourselves.
We don't have to control their reactions to our process of self-care. That is not our responsibility. We don't have to expect them not to react either.
People will react when we do things differently or take assertive action to nurture ourselves, particularly if our decision in some way affects them. Let them have their feelings. Let them have their reactions. But continue on your course anyway.
If people are used to us behaving in a certain way, they'll attempt to convince us to stay that way to avoid changing the system. If people are used to us saying yes all the time, they may start mumbling and murmuring when we say no. If people are used to us taking care of their responsibilities, feelings, and problems, they may give us some flack when we stop. That's normal. We can learn to live with a little flack in the name of healthy self-care. Not abuse, mind you flack.
If people are used to controlling us through guilt, bullying, and badgering, they may intensify their efforts when we change and refuse to be controlled. That's okay. That's flack too.
We don't have to let flack pull us back into old ways if we've decided we want and need to change. We don't have to react to flack or give it much attention. It doesn't deserve it. It will die down.
Friday, May 03, 2013
I could NOT eat these....
Just sayin'....
The girl made them.
I insist the baking skills are genetic. I CAN BAKE.
The decorating skills...notsomuch mine--notsomuch her father's genes. HECK if I know where she got 'em from..... Milkman maybe?
Wait...I'd know if that's true. LOL It's NOT. :-/
OHMYGOSH..they're too cute to eat.
I WANT SOME!!!!!
Ummmmmm....
Yup......I have a handy dandy new LAWN BUDDY!
Now..if I could just find the lawn.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY?!?
85 one day...32 and snowing the next?!
We have some serious issues goin' on with Mother Nature.
Midol maybe?
O
M
Goodness...
Right. And snow/rain mix today. As in two to three inches of it.
Gotta say--I'm good with spring being a messy season. I'm even good with the little amount of snow we got--well, not GOOD...but 'okay' with it. I'm very clear the folks north of us got a bigger does--18" isn't anything I'd be 'good' with.
But I'm in the 'heartland'.....'where the tall corn grows'.
What's north....moves south......courtesy of the rivers.
Zackly WHERE will all that melting go? And it's gonna melt. Fast like....cuz it's May.
Oh.
Yes.
South.
I wonder if my Lawn Buddy has floating capabilities.......
Now..if I could just find the lawn.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY?!?
85 one day...32 and snowing the next?!
We have some serious issues goin' on with Mother Nature.
Midol maybe?
O
M
Goodness...
Right. And snow/rain mix today. As in two to three inches of it.
Gotta say--I'm good with spring being a messy season. I'm even good with the little amount of snow we got--well, not GOOD...but 'okay' with it. I'm very clear the folks north of us got a bigger does--18" isn't anything I'd be 'good' with.
But I'm in the 'heartland'.....'where the tall corn grows'.
What's north....moves south......courtesy of the rivers.
Zackly WHERE will all that melting go? And it's gonna melt. Fast like....cuz it's May.
Oh.
Yes.
South.
I wonder if my Lawn Buddy has floating capabilities.......
Wait Fairy
I've started to realize that waiting is an art, that waiting achieves things. Waiting can be very, very powerful. Time is a valuable thing. If you can wait two years, you can sometimes achieve something that you could not achieve today, however hard you worked, however much money you threw up in the air, however many times you banged your head against the wall. . .
Thursday, May 02, 2013
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