Other people write about where they've been in relation to their feelings and empowerment to move on to a different life.
I've moved on to a different life.
Where I've been has brought me to where I am.
I have no resentment--no attached feelings with the memories of chaos and ick that came with a horribly abusive relationship.
Intellectually I know what I felt then.
I can give the facts of how it felt.
I can't feel the feelings today.
Sometimes I wonder what's wrong with me.
Or maybe I need to simply be in awe with what's right with me.
I just don't have it IN me.
At one point it was like searching with your tongue for a lost tooth--felt funny to have it gone.
Now even the memories have no feeling attached to them.
Those times were the fact of my existance then.
They were not my destiny.
I don't 'feel' anything about those times.......those experiences.
Good grief.......and I'm the therapist?
10 comments:
Not even Freud could be his own therapist.
Oh, I think it is still IN there.. it is just not needed now and has been packed up and stored away. If you should ever find yourself drifting into that situation again, I think you would be surprised at how fast it can be unpacked and draped all over everything.
C:)
What would you, as a therapist, say to someone else who told you the same thing?
Sounds like you've totally moved on, and that's a good thing!
That's how I feel about my ex. The stuff I'm posting now, was written awhile ago, and when I re read it, it seems like someone else's life.
i think we move on and leave some stuff, cause we deal with it in whatever way works for us. and some stuff is just never going to go until we forgive the people who did whatever to us.
I wouldn't presume to tell you how you should be, I just know that's how it's been for me.
xx
Hm...that's odd. Do you respond to other situations in the same way?
And btw you are a therapist?
I'm in awe of "what's right" with you
I also wonder if maybe the no/feeling thing is that it is just not a separate thing anymore - it's a part of you, like so much else is a part of you. . . and that means it is part of what's right with you
doesn't it?
you chose to make a lot of good things happen in your life, you chose to be happy, despite
(am I making any sense? I'm not lecturing, just thinking out aloud!)(YIKES)
so the no/feeling is a part of you, in neither a good or a bad way
in the way that feelings are not necessarily good or bad in some senses - they just "are"
I used to think that that gut wrenching, stomach churning, throat blocking, heart racing feeling was a bad thing - but wasn't it was my body's way of warning me that part of my brain had realised that something really bad for me was happening. . .
oh I can't even make this make sense to myself
even tho I know what I mean in my head - it's not coming out how I want to say it
shame we can't do a Dr Spock/Klingon Mind Meld really
or perhaps that's a good thing!
tell you what, let's just toast marshmallows, huh
*happily waiting with the forked stick*
I'm all about the marshmallows!!!!
:-D
Beautifully expressed, Mel!
I love how you described your tongue searching the lost tooth, because that's TRULY what it feels like!
And YES...I honestly believe you ARE the therapist!
BRAVO, Mel!
maybe it has healed....
{{{{mel}}}}
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