This week, what was your greatest consolation?
What was your greatest desolation?
What was your greatest desolation?
Desolation:
The weariness has been permeating. There's not an ounce of me left at the end of the day..... The act of falling into bed after the day's done is vaguely remembered. Were it not for waking myself up and finding myself under the doona, I wouldn't know I'd taken myself there.
The weariness has been permeating. There's not an ounce of me left at the end of the day..... The act of falling into bed after the day's done is vaguely remembered. Were it not for waking myself up and finding myself under the doona, I wouldn't know I'd taken myself there.
Rest isn't replenishing and there's a heaviness to moving myself from point A to point B. No matter the activity I'm walking in to, there's a sense of 'there ain't enough of me left' to do whatever gets availed to me.
Still.......I show up and it gets 'done'.
Not my best effort, not filled with 'all that I am'--but 'done' to an acceptable level for the world around me.
Still.......I show up and it gets 'done'.
Not my best effort, not filled with 'all that I am'--but 'done' to an acceptable level for the world around me.
Not done to the standard I'm satisfied with--but 'done'.
The boss asked for a couple minutes of my time this week.
He asked questions--and told me he knew if he didn't ask, I wouldn't be telling.
There was truth in that.....I don't particularly like talking 'what's up with Mel' and leaving people concerned.
If I had an answer to the 'what's up with Mel' and I was working the solution--then I'd feel differently about giving that freely.
He asked questions--and told me he knew if he didn't ask, I wouldn't be telling.
There was truth in that.....I don't particularly like talking 'what's up with Mel' and leaving people concerned.
If I had an answer to the 'what's up with Mel' and I was working the solution--then I'd feel differently about giving that freely.
But I don't.....
What I do have is weariness that permeates through the whole of me.
What I have is everything and everyone being affected.
Consolation:
I have a people in my life who care more about my life than they do about pissing me off. LOL
So they nag.
And they shove bottled water with electrolytes and vitamins at me.
And they coax me into eating something I genuinely don't feel like eating.....like meats.....*ack!*
And they sit down to make the grocery list so they're getting something I DO feel like eating.
And they coax me into eating something I genuinely don't feel like eating.....like meats.....*ack!*
And they sit down to make the grocery list so they're getting something I DO feel like eating.
And they push me in the direction of bed...
And they make me walk AWAY from the 'stuff that's piled in front of me.
And they ask questions when I don't wanna be asked.
And they ask questions when I don't wanna be asked.
And they get on my case.
And they demand an answer to what I'm doing to 'work with the problem'.
And they stay on it, no matter how snarly I get with 'em.
And they box me in and take away the 'squiggle room' I give myself.
And they still love me--sometimes even more for getting to do the battle with me...
Darn 'em all anyways........LOL
And they still love me--sometimes even more for getting to do the battle with me...
Darn 'em all anyways........LOL
8 comments:
what it is to be loved
how wonderful
I'm glad there's people in your life doing that for you. . . even if it's difficult, at least it is being done
((((((((((mel)))))))))))))
and as for the questions - perhaps it's a good thing they are being asked, altho sometimes one doesn't like one's privacy being invaded
that's not comfortable, is it
I hope you found some moments of peace for yourself amongst the exhaustion and the questioning and the things people around you are doing
I really do
I hear you loud and clear.
{{{{{Mel}}}}}
In no way am I saying that your plate is easy, or not very full. It's clear you actually like the work you do and are good at it, or you wouldn't have so much responsibility.
Even vegetarians need a source of high quality protein. I am so glad that source of love is so competetent.
I'm glad to hear your consolations outweigh your desolations ... at least on most days! :D
Mel, I think we must be having the same dream. I'm chalking mine up to allergies - pollen season. But my rear is dragging so far behind. Let's hope the tide turns soon.
That weariness is so discouraging. I've been having some of that myself... for a year or so. In my case, I "know" the reasons for it, but that doesn't make it any easier to cope with.
I'm glad you have some people in your life to Mel-handle you! I know it isn't always easy to be gracious about it. I remember a counselor once telling me that it is okay to rely on trusted others for judgment and help when you are not in a good position to see clearly.
Take care!
the place and space of not taking care...
I am never sure it's laziness, or just a messed up priority that puts us last.
???
now I am sitting wondering why?
not a good sign..
" you know what happens to girls like us when we start thinking"
sigh
grumble
It is a blessing to be loved that way, Mel.
It does make things a bit better, doesn't it?
((((((mel)))))
I LOVE that people for taking care of you Mel.
No help from the doctor then?
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