The list

For the past three weeks, there's been a list that's been given life on a small legal pad -- the pages turn from the top.

Yellow, of course, it reminds me every time that sunshine WILL come and it's okay to feel frightened. Strange that I equate yellow to fear and to hope......

But that list resides on a pad of paper that's little enough to go everywhere with me--and it hides under all the rest of the stuff well....

....literally and figuratively.

For three weeks, I've crossed off from the top as I've gone.

And added to the bottom.

And crossed off from the top.

And added to the bottom.

And crossed off from the top.

And added to the bottom.......and crossed off from the top.

And added to the bottom.

Day in, day out.....there's been no rest from that little pad of legal paper.

Calls to be made. Tasks to be done. Work that was required......

It's been what I've clung to.

It's kept me focused and organized.

It's kept me centered on whittling away at the seemingly insurmountable circumstances.

It's kept me doing.

And doing.

And doing.

And doing.

Cross off from the top.

Add to the bottom.

Cross off from the top.

Add to the bottom.

Cross off from the top.

Add to the bottom.....

I swore in church today.

The priest spoke about the difference that was made in the lives of not just the kiddos and families, but in the lives of co-workers.

Tears welled up.

And I muttered..... "Sh*t....."

That was 'enough'.

They didn't fall.

And for that--I was grateful.

"Ain't your turn to fall apart, Mel....."

It'll come.

In the meantime--cross off from the top of the list.

Add to the bottom.
Cross off from the top.

Add to the bottom.......