Sleeping with Bread

The examen, based on the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius, helps a person hold onto what spiritually nourishes him by looking at what is giving him consolation in his life or causing him desolation. It allows someone to express his gratitude to God for the good stuff and turn to him for solace for the bad stuff. It is quite simple. You simply ask yourself, in the last day/week/month what gave me consolation and what caused me desolation.

In the past week it’s become evident that I have a bigger problem than I thought. And I’ve got to take a another look at my part in the problem…….whatever the problem is. I’ve not been able to quite put my finger on what ‘it’ is…but I know ‘it’s’ there. There’s a definite strain for whatever reason. I’ll inventory it, decide what (if anything) I can do about it….and I’ll offer myself as a piece of a solution, even if it’s not ‘mine’. There’s nothing wrong with extending myself to be a part of the solution even when I don’t see/don’t know if I have a part. It’s called helping.

In the meantime…..it’s like wondering what you’ll say ‘wrong’ next time. Cuz I’m clear there’ll be a next time. The accusation in the questioning is difficult, at best. But it’s stinkin’ thinkin’ and I know how that goes quite well.

Buying time is my friend, it would seem.

Coming back to the accusation, far off in left field as it feels…..could be it’s my problem and how I’m perceiving it. That’s entirely possible. But the answer seems to be ‘buy time’, ‘go back to it when you’re centered in what’s true’. Shooting from the hip in the initial defensiveness I ‘feel’ would be a horrible plan.

Buy time.

Get myself straight.

Buy time for the other person to get themselves straight.

Geeze, relationship problems are a son of a gun…. I can’t say I like ‘em. (I don’t.)

And I do feel like I’m flying blind with this one. That doesn’t mean I don’t have my part--it just means that at this given moment I’m oblivious to it.

But there’s been gratitude filled moments…….peaceful moments when the chaos that’s surrounded me ceased--and that’s been good for a bit of ‘rest’ in the storms that have presented themselves.

I’ve sat on the patio--more than once between literal storms. I've just breathed in the nothingness and replenished myself.

Swingin’.

Listening to the birdsong.

Watching sunrises and sunsets.

Splashing in puddles…..

Which is good--cuz it feels like I’ve been hit from all sides…work, home, relationships in multiple places.......

The common denominator in it all-- ME.

Certainly they can’t ALL be going upside-down at once……can they?

Boy. That’d be wayyyyy convenient! LOL