G-d's plan versus mine

I tried to discharge Crystal some six months ago.

I have this huge heart--a soft spot for tough kids, the ones no one wants to pick up cuz they'll leave a bad mark on their treatment report card. Crystal came from a putrid situation--mom was an addict and had a stormy first marriage that she got out of and immediately got hooked up with an addict boyfriend who liked to abuse the kiddos. Crystal was one of his victims over and over again. Not a happy story--one of those horror stories of what grownups should be shot for doing to a kid of five seven and eight years of age. I felt bad for Crystal--cuz once the courts intervened and removed the kiddos after mom was murdered--there was way lots of damage to the kiddo.
Crystal ended up being adopted and that turned out to be a mess--from the frying pan into the fire. Sadly so.

So she's an angry kiddo and she didn't want treatment. She tried running away, she tried being violent. Hitting adults when they're trying to get to the bottom of the garbage is one thing--but hitting another kiddo is a whole different ball of wax for me.

I tried to discharge the kiddo when she attacked another student....and couldn't. Thank you very much--I'd LOVE to keep a kiddo that attacked another one. Boy--that was a battle to endure cuz I believe so much in the need for everyone to feel safe. And people didn't.
Not the adults caring for her.....nor the other kiddos around her.
And I, in my infinite wisdom decided since we couldn't out and out discharge her because of other legal garbage, we were gonna GET this kid going in another direction if it was the last thing I did.
SOMEONE had to believe in her greatness--and it was obviously going to have to be ME. Cuz if I couldn't sell it to the rest of the grownups working with her--it wasn't going to work.

I tried danm hard to place that child.

And six months later?

Wellllllll.......Today, I put her on the school bus for public school--and honestly, she passed me in the hallway and I did not recognize the child. She's beautiful and she radiates happiness. And G-d bless YOU for making me do the journey with the child. Cuz it was worth it.

And I know why she's with us today.

Cuz at the end of last week that call was going to come in, that they were going to be looking for another child and I was going to recognize the name as being Crystals' before she was adopted.....and I was going to be the one to break her confidence to the Seargent who was desperately looking for CindyLou to let her know her biological father had died and was buried with full military honours.....that he'd provided for her and he'd talked about her all the time, wondering how she was doing, if she was getting good marks in school, hoping she'd go to college and have a good life. And that child who'd lost hope for a better tomorrow because of where she'd come from was going to have another opportunity of a lifetime. And today I know that we were just the vehicle to help her get to where she'd need to be so what was started so long ago could be 'righted'. The military will establish the trust fund, college will be paid through age 23 and she's invited to the company's Christmas party cuz they want to be able to give her something in honour of her dad.

I'm amazed to say that G-d's taken very good care of that kiddo.

And today, I know why I didn't 'get' to discharge her and end our time together.
And I'm damn glad that every door closed for me to be able to do that.