Homework

Yeah, yeah....I have homework.
I WISH it were something like "read this chapter and write a two page paper". Noooooo.
It's more on the lines of "Tell on yourself".
Ummmm....I'm rather accomplished in the telling on myself department.

"No, Mel. TELL on yourself. LET things look how they are."

Ummm.....WHY?
"....JUST do it..."

Wiseperson can be like that--grumpy, mean oldfart...hhhmmmmppff!

I'd suppose I know why. Okay, I DO know why. It's that 11th step 'stuff' that I've been working on forEVER. Interpersonal relationship jazz looking up and looking laterally. Ick.... Actually, I've gotten pretty darn good at feeling free to love people without standing around with my hands open and asking for mine--or standing around with my fists clenched. "Mine" is in the giving--which has been an awesome lesson to learn. And I've gotten darn good at letting it look just like it is with the Big Guy.

Honestly, it makes living life so much damn easier. I don't have to worry about anything but 'doing my job'. The rest just happens. Okay, so that sounds oversimplified. Honestly, it's not.

Life has become effortless. Weird, but true.
Well, at least it WAS until wiseperson gave me homework. *grumbling*

Soooo....I didn't tell on myself a whole lot yesterday.
I did own several lies--ya know, the ones that I do daily: "Is that my pen?" *staring at object in my hand* Nope. *pained face* Okay, so it MIGHT be your pen...okay, okay, it IS your pen and I stole it. You didn't really WANT this pen did ya? It doesn't write very well AND it's almost outta ink! *handing over the pen and hanging head* I'm a very naughty person and I oughta be spanked.

I didn't tell on myself about a whole lotta other things. How I FEEL (gak) isn't relevant to actually doing what needs done. (this has been my arguement forEVER--keep in mind that I toss back wiseperson's words and do that smug grin cuz I CAN) I can feel frightened and walk through the fear F**King scared and STILL do the deal. It's not required that I wanna do something to actually DO it.
Thank goodness....LOL
But this "Let things look how they ARE".......ick.......

I'm sucking at this homework.
And he's GONNA ask me about it.
No. He's gonna wanna SEE it.
ICK!

DOUBLE ICK!!!!!!
*gak*